Volume 8, Issue 1 World Leprosy Day January 29, 2010 

Now you can

 forget to 

wash your hands... 

I HAIT THEM, DO YOU?

Angelo State’s Finest Pap

er Since Fall 2006 

Something to Read

 in Class Today 

  Everybody  knows  about  the  hor‐rific and devastating earthquake that drasti‐cally impacted and ravaged the small island nation  of Haiti.    It was  possibly  the worst atrocity  to hit  the proud  country  since  the birth of Wyclef Jean.   We here at the Ram‐diculous Page would  like to take a moment to express our sincere and heartfelt sympa‐thy for those affected by the disaster……   Okay,  now  that we  have  done  as much as  the majority of  the country  in  the face  of  this  event,  we  can move  on.  And move on we should.   No one can refute or argue that an earthquake  is a terrible thing that can befall anyone at anytime, but why is  everyone  acting  like  sending  over  paltry sums  of  tax‐deductible money  is  going  to remedy  the  aftermath  or  prevent  another earthquake?    For  God’s  sake,  the  earth moved  of  its  own  volition.    Do  you  know what  kind of power  that must  take?    That would  be  like  getting  Gilbert  Grape’s mother off the couch using only your pinky and  a  strand  of  creeper.    And  there  is  no way  to  stop  it  from  happening  again,  you just can’t.   Anyone who  knows me  can attest to my penchant  for aiding others  in a  time of need, whether or not I have any real con‐nection  to  them at all, however  this  time  I just  cannot  get  behind  the  poor  nation  of Haiti.    Before  anyone  flies  off  the  handle and makes outrageous  inferences or abject claims to my being a racist or an asshole, let me  say  that  I  have  a  sound  logical  reason for my statements.  And while most of them will not make much sense to the majority of you, I don’t care ‐ someone will understand 

where I’m coming from.   Firstly,  I  have  no  desire  to  send money or aid to Haiti personally because of the  simple,  and  oddly  ironic,  fact  that  the people of Haiti are a bunch of douche bags.  For the reals.    I mean, what kind of people have the word  ‘hate’ built  into the first syl‐lable of  their  country’s name?    I’ll  tell  you what kind  ‐ douche bags.   How can anyone want  to  help  people who  are  so  blatantly hateful  and  prejudiced  against  the  rest  of the world?  I can not and will not ever sup‐port anyone who believes  that hate of an‐other person  is okay.   Add  to  that  the  fact that  people  from  Haiti  are  called  Haitians and  you have    a  full nation of people will‐ingly advocating an agenda of hate and mal‐ice.   And  I  can  hear  you  all  thinking  it right now ‐ “But if you say those things, you are  advocating  hate  of  a  people  as  well.  You are no better  than what you are com‐plaining about.”     My answer to you  in that respect is ‐ yes I am better because I do not hate those that Hait me, I simply choose to be  indifferent to their existence and do not support  them  for  what  they  represent  to the rest of the world.     Second,  IF  I  were  to  support  the relief  effort,  what  sort  of  message  would that  be  sending  to  the  people  inside  our own borders who need help after suffering their  own  hardships?    Why  should  I  out‐source my resources to some group of peo‐ple  who  do  not  live  in  my  country  when there are as many,  if not more, people suf‐fering domestically for no reason other than Am e r i c a n 

Continued on page 4

TXT US @ (562) RAMDIC‐7 

DR. PEPPER DOES NOT HAVE TWENTY-THREE FLAVORS, IT HAS ONE FLAVOR, DR. PEPPER

FLAVOR! —JASON LANE

Quote of the Week

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Well, this guy right here. All I have to say is he is the most deserving Ram of the Week we have ever honored. He is also the first Angelo State Alumnus upon which this honor has been bestowed (maybe. I didn't actually check). In any case, he's awe-some! He has a B.S. in math (which means he's at least somewhat smart); he is a tremendous musician and a very talented songwriter; and on top of it all, he's really cute and humble. He's still around San Angelo until the fall, so you should all make the most of this fleeting opportu-nity to get to know one of the coolest guys you might ever meet. There is potential that he is being lazy in his apartment, because he doesn’t have a job. He watches a lot of television and plays with is roommates Wii quite often… Oh and for all you Texan girls who might want him, please reconsider, he claims to be from Canada. 

RAM OF THE WEEK

James Pierre Kelly

O b a m a F i l e s Well, it's a new year. Obama has been President for 374 days today, and what a 374 days it has been. There are many people out there criticizing the President, and there are many people out there praising him, and there are also many people eating goldfish. All this hoopla, and I think everyone has missed one important little detail about this guy. There seem to be a striking lack of evidence that he ever actually graduated from Harvard Law School. He claims he did, and he has a degree from them, but is it real? No one has discussed the possibility that this "degree" and all of the other records that

show he graduated from Harvard Law School were all forged. Listen to this though, they are all printed on paper with ink. This is a charac-

teristic shared by almost every forged document in history! How can

you simply ignore that kind of evidence. I'm not saying he didn't graduate. I'm not saying he wants to kill

smurfs. I'm just asking questions. Someone should look into this!  

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WRITE FOR THERAMDICULOUS!!!  

Contact us at: page@ramdiculous.com 

The Incredible Question Since winter ran into us like a train wreck this last week I thought some winter fashion advice would be welcomed. Winter fashion tip number one: bright colored scarves are great but not when paired with a sweater in the same color. This just proves to be distracting and a very bad and hideous ensemble alto-gether. We have all seen these people and we always feel sorry for them be-cause it looks like they climbed into their dress up trunks, and will eventually take it off and say, "Hey guys I was only joking; I know a neon orange scarf does not go with a burnt orange sweater." Unfortunately most of these people do not understand the fact that what they are wearing looks horrendous and is often not something any good human being would even allow cats to have kittens on. winter fashion tip number two: black and brown do not go together. I’m sorry if these are your favorite colors but they do not go together. A pair of nice black slacks looks great but when you throw your granny’s old crochet brown sweater over them you begin to realize why you put your granny in the home in the first place. Granny’s brown sweater and your ass hugging slacks should never even enter the same sentence, much less the same outfit. winter fashion tip number three: orange-haired people (aka red heads) should not wear orange. The fact that you have orange hair does not mean that orange necessarily is your color in fact you should stay away from it. Orange only looks good on a few skin tones, and the normal skin tone that a red head has is not complimentary of orange. However, I am not your mother, and this is all purely my opinion; so if you want to continue walking around in orange look-ing weird, be my guest. winter fashion tip number four: just because it’s a little colder does not mean it’s an excuse to never leave your pajama or sweat pants. With so many amazing winter looks out there, no one has any excuse to wear pajama or sweat pants to class. I mean really this goes for guys and girls. No one finds the bum hobo look attractive…well except maybe a bum or a hobo. (If you find that you are a bum or hobo and are insulted by this fashion tip, I apologize. This tip is not meant for you.) What I’m getting at is that the popu-lation needs to get up and realize winter is here and it’s time to break out the tight sweaters, scarves, and jeans and make a beautiful campus!

-Coraline Compton

Fashion Advise

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greed  and  narcissism?    There should  be  constant  relief  con‐certs and  telethons  for  those  in our own country who need help, but  instead we sweep them un‐der  the  rug  and  pretend  that everything  is  hunky‐dory  at home.    So  then  why  not  take care of our own before trying to befriend  others  by  giving  them 

shit  they won’t  appreciate  any‐way?   In addition to this, if we should help out  the Haiters be‐cause of the bad thing that hap‐pened, why  aren’t we  as  a  na‐tion so equally eager to aid Dar‐fur  or  Singapore,  places  where genocide  and  child  slavery  are occurring  daily?    Oh,  I  know  ‐ because  slavery doesn’t exist  in our  country,  so  it  can’t possibly happen  anywhere  else  in  the 

world,  and because  genocide  is a  hot  topic  no  one  wants  to touch  because  they  don’t want to be ostracized.  Screw that.   Finally, the biggest rea‐son  I  don’t  think  we  need  to help  Haiti  ‐  maybe  they  de‐served  it.   Yeah,  I  said  it,  so  let the Hait mail flow.   But really,  if you  think  about  it maybe  they do.   Dabbling  in black majik and all  that voodoo  is bound  to up‐set the natural order and beauty 

of  the  cosmos  at  some  point.  Mother earth is a vengeful bitch, we, that  is the collective  ‘we’ of the  world  population,  would know this if we paid attention to history  like  Pamplona,  Atlantis, Eden, or Cleveland.    I  could ex‐pound upon this for weeks, but I am  grown  weary.    I  bid  you  a fond adieu  (haha,  cheese  refer‐ence) until next week.  

‐‐Samuel Clemens 

Continued from cover

Haiti

Dan Quayle Quotes

Top Ten 10. "One word sums up 

probably the responsi‐bility of any vice presi‐dent, and that one word is 'to be prepared'." 

 9. "The Holocaust was an 

obscene period in our nation's history. I mean in this century's history. But we all lived in this century. I didn't live in this century." 

 8. "I have made good judge‐

ments in the Past. I have made good judgements in the Future." 

 7. "We don't want to go 

back to tomorrow, we want to go forward." 

 6. "We're going to have the 

best‐educated American people in the world." 

  

5. "I stand by all the mis‐statements that I've made." 

 4. "People that are really 

weird can get into sensi‐tive positions and have a tremendous impact on history." 

 3. "Make no mistake about 

it: Operation Desert Storm truly was a vic‐tory of good over evil, of freedom over tyranny, of peace over war." 

 2. "What a waste it is to 

lose one's mind. Or not to have a mind is being very wasteful. How true that is." 

 1. "Republicans understand 

the importance of bond‐age between a mother and child." 

You can now text and call the Ramdiculous Page

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Last Week’s Correct Submissions 

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R A M D I C U L O U S   P A G E   P O L I C Y Published every Friday and available to students on campus.  This newspaper does not express the opinions of any writer, editor, or anyone affiliated with Angelo State University or the Texas Tech University System or this newspaper.  We welcome all letters.  Please include your name, position, and an email address.  All submissions are considered property of the Ramdiculous Page and will not be returned. Submit your letters via our email, page@ramdiculous.com or website www.ramdiculous.com.   Opinions  in any  letter or writing are not necessarily those of the staff, nor should any opinion expressed  in a public forum be construed as the opinion or policy of the administration or the Ramdiculous Page.   By submitting anything to the Ramdiculous Page, you are giving the Ramdiculous Page permission to use your Facebook and/or Myspace profile in any way the Ramdiculous Page deems usable, unless expressed in writing.  If you are an professor you need not worry, we will not use your profiles. 

Sudoku

Ramdiculous Observances Saturday:

Inane Answering Message Day (silly songs are the best)

Sunday:

National Seed Swap Day (don't be selfish, share your

seed)

Monday: Working Naked Day

(if only I had a job…)

Tuesday: Hedgehog Day

(Step aside groundhog, there's a new hog in town)

Wednesday:

National Girls and Women in Sports Day

Thursday:

Quacker Day (cause ducks need recognition too)

Legion 1:15 2:45 4:15 5:45 7:15

8:45 10:15pm

The Book of Eli 2:50 5:50 7:35 8:50

10:35pm

Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Squeakquel

2:05 4:40 7:40 10:40pm

Edge of Darkness 1:00 4:00 7:00 10:00pm

Extraordinary Measures 1:20 4:20 7:20 10:20pm

Sherlock Holmes

1:25 4:25 7:25 10:25pm

The Blind Side 1:10 4:10 7:10 10:10pm

The Lovely Bones

1:35 4:50 7:50 10:50pm

Movie Times

Clint Eastwood’s Invictus I know it has already left the theater, but  I  did  not  want  to  pass  up  the opportunity  to  share with everyone my feelings on this truly remarkable movie  (I  guess  that's  a  clue  as  to what kind of rating it's going to get). Directed  by  one the  the  greatest, Clint  Eastwood, this  movie  does an amazing job of telling  the  com‐pelling  story of  a nation  undergo‐ing  a  reconcilia‐tion‐‐one  of  the toughest  yet  at the  same  time greatest  times  in South  African history‐‐and  how a  sports  team ( s p e c i f i c a l l y rugby)  can  unite a  nation  consist‐ing  of  many  dif‐ferent  cultures and groups of people.  Morgan Free‐man  does  an  impeccable  job  por‐traying  the  character  and  heart  of Nelson Mandela,  possibly  the most remarkable  man  in  recent  history. Morgan  Freeman  and Matt  Damon 

gave  wonderful  performances,  and the story was quite gripping. I was a bit  disappointed  with  the  depth  of the story however. The movie spent a great deal of  time developing  the character of President Mandela and 

Francois  Pi‐enaar  (Freeman and  Damon) which  I appreci‐ated,  but  there could  have  a been more time spent giving  the story  itself depth,  sus‐pense,  and  all those  other things  truly great  movies have.  (I  say  this because  I  don't really  know what  makes  a great  movie great.  I  just know one when 

I  see  it)  In  any  case,  I  very  much enjoyed  this movie,  and  I believe  it would suit all of you well to go get it as  soon  as  it  comes  out  on  dvd.  It has earned an A on the Ramdiculous scale of awesomeness.