Welcome back to the Vetinari Dualegacy! This is Chapter 21.333: Clockworks and Cold Steel!

Last time, we had a veritable cornucopia of weddings and babies, with the heirs and spares getting hitched and having kids.

So we'll just pick up right where we left off, shall we?

This is Howe, the eldest of the Uglacy kids. He might look like a sourpuss, but don't let the eyebags fool you—he's got six Nice points, and he knows how to use them.

“Hey, little dude. How was your day?”

“I drew a happy jellyfish in art class! How was your day?”

“I wrote an editorial on how we should legalize those plants you get from the Hydroponic Slacker garden.”

“Hooray!”

“But, Mommy, why are there wars? Does everyone not have lots of Nice points?”

“Sadly, no. Just ask your Uncle Faraday about that.”

“Uncle Fair doesn't have lots of Nice points? But how does he make friends with everyone?”

“He generally doesn't.”

“That's sad. I want to give him a hug.”

“Not the best idea ever.”

There are also Tess and Brad's newborn twins, Abel (being held by Tess) and Delvecchio (being fed by Brad).

It's my hope that these two little bundles of joy will mesh Tess and Brad's features so that Tess doesn't have to get pregnant again, since she's not a happy pregnant Sim.

Or course, vamp Uncle Marco's still around for all those baby-tending needs. He never rolls the Fear of changing diapers, so he's only too happy to help out when Vex's stinky.

What with being Cheesified, Tess doesn't mind changing diapers either, as long as no burnt sandwiches are involved.

As horrible a pregnant Sim as she is, she's a really good mother. I could make her spawn endless litters just because she's happy with her kids, if she wouldn't be miserable the whole time she was pregnant with them.

While Marco changes Vex one last time, Brad gets ready to toss Abel into toddlerdom. Howie is waiting to grab a piece of cake.

For now, Abe looks like the spitting image of Howe, and therefore of Brad. He's an Aries 8/10/5/1/10—super-serious, freakishly nice, and the sort of guy who will eventually clean the kitchen before sitting naked in the hot tub.

He might be a clone, but I like him anyway!

What can I say? I've developed a love of finger-gunning neat freaks.

While Abe's busy cuddling Aphrodesia, Brad gives Vex the ol' spin 'n' catch.

Howie wants more cake.

Vex doesn't waste a lot of time with all that “bottle” nonsense. It's a good thing Aphrodesia likes toddlers, or she might be upset that he's eating all her food.

Delvecchio's a Pisces 5/3/10/1/10. Serious and nice like his twin, but more active and way more shy.

Like his twin, he's a facial clone of Howe and Brad. Granted, it is not a pretty face, but I didn't breed in Malcolm Landgraab and the PolliTech to see their genetics go away so quickly.

Only one thing to do!

Sorry, Tess. Just one more. I promise.

Before it gets too bad, I have her teach Abe how to talk. As outgoing as he is, I don't think he cares that she's in her underwear!

“Right, tiny dude! I'm Daddy! Although if you get older, and you want to call me 'Brad' because that's my name, I'm totally cool with that. There's no reason you have to stick with tradition just because that's the way things are done.”

“...Daddy.”

“Whoooo! Yeah! Eat that sandwich! Go Howie! You're chewing like a champion!”

“This is kind of weird, Mom.”

Abe is addicted to the little robot toy. If he's not playing with his rabbit head, he's out in the entryway with his robot.

Vex, on the other hand, is more of a slob, and would rather make a mess in the bathroom than play with the rabbit head or the little robots.

Normally I catch them before they start doing this, but he was too quick for me.

This time, I managed to send Marco in to head Abe off at the pass.

He's really good with the kids. He's always interacting with them when he's awake.

With Brad out of platinum Aspiration and Marco in his coffin, it falls to Tess to teach the tots how to walk. Vex is up first.

After a quick nap, Abe learns the wonders of bipedal locomotion.

“Mommy? Mommy? Mom? Mommy, are you all right? Mommy?”

zzzzzEatinggrilledcheesebyosmosiszzzzzzzzzzz

I love how Vex and Abe grew up into matching dinosaur jammies.

Both boys adore their parents, and are equally loved in return.

Marco's just waiting for the next one!

Aren't we all? But it'll have to wait a little longer, because this isn't the only house with kids and toddlers!

Oldest Prettacy kid Sawchuk was quite happy to start a water balloon fight with Edmund Fitzgerald when Bell brought his kids over for a visit.

Sawchuk, Edmund Fitzgerald, and Wydah were damp by the end of the day, and also friends.

Sawchuk gets on with Daddy Arthur too.

It is very weird to have a house of Vetinaris where no one cheats. Not even grandparents. I don't think Sawchuk minds, though. He strikes me as the type to get very upset by cheating.

Sawchuk's little sister Lindsay is about to grow up. She's definitely the darling of the household.

She's quite happy to grow up and be even more adored than she already is.

One quick makeover later, and she strikes me as taking after Whitney. I don't see any of Artie in her.

Lindsay eventually corners Sawchuk for a little chat.

Sawchuk's a bit touchy. He'll reject interactions that the relationship says he should accept, and it seems like he's easily annoyed.

Zoe is much less easily annoyed. She's always ready to teach the wonders of Logic to her grandkids.

When it comes to having fun, though, Lindsay knows just where to go.

“Um, yoohoo? Having another baby over here!”

“Chuck! Get ready to catch!”

“I'd rather not. I don't want to get my hands dirty, and this whole process does seem to be rather unpleasant.”

“Hey, wait! I'm here, too! I didn't totally miss the whole thing!”

“That's nice, Artie.”

This is Aurie. She's got red hair and gray eyes like Whitney, but Artie's pale skin.

Aurie is actually the first Sim I've had in the Prettacy with anything other than skin 3 or skin 4 since generation 2. I am looking forward to some variety!

Artie wastes no time going on “Dad” duty, giving Aurie a bottle and tucking her in.

Whitney doesn't love the diaper-changing, but the playing-with and cuddling that comes after, she's a fan of.

Rizzo continues to ride the Awesome Train straight into Awesomeville. He's up to five grandbabies now, and still wants MOAR GRANDBABIES.

Artie gets to go cat-shopping for a mate for Renee, now that all the human babies are had. This is Forrest the Ocicat.

Some things never change. Whitney's love of Dirty Jokes, for instance.

Everyone's love of pillow fighting, for another.

After Whitney and Zoe were done, Rizzo and Zoe started up.

Zoe was only too happy to take a pillow-fighting break to toss Aurie into toddlerhood.

Aurie appears to have gotten the full-on Artie face. That's a bit unfortunate, since I was hoping for Whitney's mouth.

Aurie's a Gemini 6/9/9/3/5, so another one for the finger-gun brigade.

After a nap for Aurie and some more pillow fighting for Whitney, Aurie learns to talk.

“Listen, some day, if you roll Fortune like Daddy, you can own a ski chalet in the Swiss Alps with all the money you'll make.”

“I can't see the future, Daddy!”

“Just think about it.”

There's still plenty of this to go around, too.

Rizzo specifically rolled the Want for this. It is seriously making me sad that I don't know if he'll get to see her turn Teen. He might not, and if he does, it'll be by a hair.

“Ka-chow! You'll never see these again!”And you'll be much happier that way.

Sawchuk ages up without a lot of fanfare.

Enjoy those finger-guns, because they're the last ones you'll see from him. He doesn't act all that Outgoing, so Rizzo is Encouraging him down.

Sawchuk is an Aries 6/9/7/3/5 Fortune Sim with a career-related LTW. Business, I think.

All good Fortune Sims like scholarships, so Sawchuk was forced to learn to Smustle.

Artie had a much better time dancing.

“I don't care how much you dislike fun, there will be pillow fights!”

“Okay, Grandpa, okay!”

Despite his own inclinations, Sawchuk is even drawn into a water balloon fight with Lindsay and Howie.

Renee and Forrest finally get their kitty groove on, and I seem to have traded in one Creepy Gardener for another Creepy Gardener.

At least Gardener Pao didn't cheer.

Back to the current location of Ex-Creepy Gardener!

Abel and Delvecchio are getting ready to grow up!

Abe goes first, as Tess waddles in.

As Abe complains about being tired and notes that Marco is a vampire, Vex grows up.

Abel is still addicted to the little robot toys.

At this point, the easiest way to tell the difference between Howe and Abel is that Howe's shirt is red and blue, and Abel's is striped.

Vex likes the UFO jim-jams, just to remind you that he's quarter-alien.

The three boys are pretty tight.

For a change, there's no animosity among the Uglacy siblings! I almost don't quite know what to do about it!

Then I remember all I have to do is let them do whatever they want, and not micromanage them so they don't end up hating each other. It's very relaxing.

Tess gives birth for the last time, and he's got black eyes! He's already got more of Tess in him than his other three brothers!

My little black-eyed boy is Yzerman, aka Stevie.

Still wondering about my name theme this generation? Well, if “Yzerman” didn't clue you in, it's Red Wings with retired jerseys!

If you're still baffled, the Red Wings are the professional hockey team from Detroit.

“Red hair like me and black eyes like your mommy... I guess that means you're gonna be the best of both of us.”

Even Marco gets in on the “play with Stevie” action.

Meanwhile, Mal comes over with her kids, and Abel, Howie, Vex, Ellie, and Six have the water balloon fight of the century in the backyard.

Before too long, though, it's time to assess the damage to Stevie!

The damage. It is good.

Brad's eyes (aside from the color), Tess's Landgraab nose, and Tess's mouth. I think he'll get a little better-looking until he hits college, and then it's gonna get back to squiffy.

Anyway, Stevie's a Pisces 2/3/10/1/10.

If you're keeping track, Howie's the “mean” one with only six Nice points, and he's the only Playful one. Abe's the only finger-gunner, and Stevie's the slob.

The older boys are all thick as thieves. Howie's waiting patiently for Vex and Abe to finish their game so that he can play.

Then Abe waits for Vex and Howie to finish so that he can play some more.

Sometimes, they seem a bit like pod people. Where's the teasing? Where's the cheating? Where's the kick-to-the-ribs?

Then I realize that some people have games like this ALL THE TIME. I am somewhat amazed by that.

Mr. Finch, the mate for Aphrodesia, likes the taste of Stevie. Or possibly he's just enjoying the milk-breath.

Hah! No Creepy Gardeners in sight! Even the dead one!

“So, we just get a lot of kites, and a lot of keys, and we fly them in thunderstorms, and then we get totally clean energy!”

Brad's smart enough to know that it's not always about saving the world. Sometimes, cuddling the toddler is enough.

A gloriously unpregnant Tess teaches Stevie how to talk. His initial resistance was futile.

He was happier to learn to walk. It's so much easier to get into trouble when you're on two feet!

Heh. From the side, it looks like he has no nose at all.

“Hi Mommy! I love you!”

“I love you too, Howie.”

“Even though I don't have ten Nice points?”

“Even though you don't have ten Nice points.”

Tess isn't too busy with Stevie to tuck Abel in.

Once Vex was done flopping around, she tucked him in, too.

“Dad would be proud of me, right?”Absolutely.

“So, some people might tell you that the pawns aren't important, but they are, okay? They're people just like everyone else, and it's not cool to sacrifice them.”

“But, Daddy, isn't that part of the strategy?”

“You shouldn't try to lose pieces or take them.”

“Then how do you win?”

“You win in your mind, Abe.”

Vex prefers dancing with Mommy over metaphysical chess with Daddy.

Vamp Marco is still performing his Night Nanny duties to the best of his capabilities. Stevie's glad that someone is there to let him out of his crib when the rest of the adults are asleep.

For some reason, Marco decided that he absolutely had to get out of his coffin several times on one particular day.

This wouldn't be so bad if he could meditate, but with maxed Playful, that's a no-go. He didn't quite make it to the Energizer in time to save his Bladder motive. He was in bad shape by the time he made it back to his coffin, and I had to keep a close eye on him to make sure he stayed there.

“Ow, hey! No bite!”

I think the wolf was the reason Marco kept getting out of his coffin. It was on the lot, and I suspect that the “Nibble” interaction was knocking “Sleep in Coffin” out of Marco's queue, despite the hack that's meant to keep him there all day, and when he went outside to get bitten, the “AAH! IT BURNS!” part of the vamp coding knocked “Nibble” out of his queue, and then he just started wandering around.

“Blehgrrrrrrr....”

“Who to Savage first... Decisions, decisions...”

“Unca Marco? Why you fuzzy?”

“Because I'm a werewolf.”

“I be a werewolf?”

“I'm fairly certain your mother would kill me.”

“Okay I love you anyway!”

Tess would rather her youngest son not be a furball, yes.

There is just so much wrong with that kid's face, seriously.

Future naked-hot-tubber Abel brings future naked-hot-tubber Kaylee home from school. A good time was had by all.

Shy Delvecchio brings shy Inara home from school. They played Cops 'n' Robbers, and no one got kicked in the ribs. A good time was had by all.

Still, Vex doesn't love anyone quite like he loves Mommy.

Everyone manages to gather for Howie's birthday. Except Stevie, who is playing on his bunny head.

The ten Nice pointers wave as Howie pops into adolescence.

Yes, Abel. Daddy is a Pop Sim.

“Why didn't you roll Romance?”

“I just didn't! Don't scare me anymore!”

Wanna guess what Howie rolled?

“I want to set something on fire!”Maybe later.

Howe Vetinari, Cancer 8/3/10/8/6, rolled Pleasure, with the LTW for 50 First Dates. HahahahaNO! I just did that, and I am not doing it again. Congratulations, you're entitled to a free LTW re-roll in college!

In other news, he appears to have gotten Tess's brow. It looks like he has a unibrow, but he doesn't; the dark line across the bridge of his nose is a shadow from the angle of his brow meeting his nose.

Howie still gets along great with his brothers. It doesn't take much coaxing from Vex to get him to play a little Red Hands before school.

Howie's also a magnet for friends. Someone follows him home from school almost every day.

This is Brett, River and Baz's son.

Prettacy cousin Edmund Fitzgerald also cannot resist the friendly overtures of Howie.

Joyce is also incapable of resisting the Appreciate.

Joyce is my SimSelf's daughter. Long story short, SimNerd was behaving rather badly, so I married her off to Ulysses Goodytwoshoes, from professorbutters's Squeaky Clean Legacy, and Joyce is their daughter.

SimNerd's other two “elsewhere” hubbies, “Nummy” Theodore Legacy and Oz Warner, are also wandering the neighborhood now. At least one of them will turn up later.

Howie shoots for “Big Brother of the Year” by teaching Vex the wonders of homework.

“So, wait, 2+2 is 'Bleh, bleeehhhhh?' I don't get it.”

“Grrr, bleh!”

“Uncle Marco, I don't think that's right. I mean, my homework has watermelons on it.”

“Bleh!”

Back at the Prettacy, Becca would like to remind you that she's still a naked hot-tubber who has no qualms about letting herself into your house and playing your guitar.

Becca also sticks around for Aurie's birthday, because there's nothing like her cousin's daughter's husband swooning over her at his daughter's birthday.

Actual swoon not shown. It happened, though. Oh yes.

Despite The Mouth, Aurie's still quite pretty.

This is the first time I have had two girls in the same house since generation two of the Prettacy. Of course, I still only have two total, but Aurie and Lindsay get along great, and their female relatives absolutely dote on them.

“The Queen's the most powerful piece on the board, Aurie. Never forget that. Even if there aren't a lot of queens around here.”

“I think that went over my head, Gramma.”

“Come here, Romance Boy!”

“Somehow, this is so much hotter with the robot hand!”

Zoe gets a fair amount of work and play in. For every minute she's autonomously groping Rizzo, she's spending time with her grandkids.

“We're dancing!”

“This is so fun!”

“You wanna be best friends?”

“Yeah!”

Aurie's kind of fun. Someone follows her home from school every day, and she's followed most of them home at some point as well.

This is Aurie and Vex in a water balloon fight. She's had plenty of others with just about everyone.

They actually did this autonomously, which is the first time I've ever seen this and not directed it. Clearly, this is the generation of mellow Sims.

Don't worry, though. They have not forsaken their first love.

“Mom! Dad! My tender eyes!”

“Oh, shut up, Sawchuk. It's not like you're shy!”

“But this isn't the time or the place!”

“Says you.”

Houston, we have kitten! This is Mr. Trick, and he's the only kitten in the litter.

Lindsay's ready to grow up, and the consensus is that Whitney and Bianca are Pop Sims.

“Oh, eeew, cowboy shirt, get it off get it off get it off!”

“Hi, Rizzo!”

“Hi, Bee!”

“So much better!”Agreed.

Lindsay is an Aries 6/9/7/3/5 who rolled Popularity, with a career-related LTW. Hall of Famer, maybe. Is that even a Pop LTW? Eh, it's not something irritating like 15 Pet Best Friends, that's all I care about.

She also looks like a miniature version of Whitney.

At the Uglacy, Tess goes Permaplat! And she's still almost two weeks from becoming an Elder!

Hooray, everyone else can eat things other than grilled cheese sandwiches now!

Doesn't vampwere Marco look happy about the prospect of becoming a PlantSim?

The werewolf personality has taken hold. Now, he hot-tubs naked, and those two nice points he had? Yeah, those are gone now.

“Booga booga! You're gardening wrong!”

“Hey, who are you to talk? All you ever did was watch pets WooHoo and horn in on family celebrations!”

“You're still doing it wrong!”

Inside, away from uppity dead gardeners, it's time for Stevie to grow up.

Yup, that's an Uglacy face, all right.

He's also a slob, and, uh... That's not a water puddle.

Marco has taken up the mantle of Household Pyromaniac. This was the third fire in three days, all set by Marco. Being a vampire, he really doesn't NEED to eat as soon as he wolfs out, but he remains unconvinced of that.

After the flames have subsided, Brad and Stevie become best friends over a little homework.

Tess finally finishes her novel, and here is the thingamabob to prove it.

The birthdays keep on coming, and this time, it's the twins' turn.

Abe goes first.

And there you see Nummy Theo on the far right, who stopped by for the festivities.

Nummy Theo and Tess try to decide who's cheering the loudest when Vex grows up.

Howie wastes no time reminding Abe who the “mean” one is.

This is the first and only time I've ever seen Howe noogie anyone. Poor Abe was just in the line of fire.

“I'm not a total clone of Howie!”This is true.

Abel is an Aries 8/10/5/1/10 Pop Sim, with another career-related LTW.

To list the differences between Abel and Howe: Abe is skin 2 and Howe is skin 1, and Howie got Tess's brow and Abel didn't.

“I have the same haircut as my brother!”Well, I hadn't done that yet.

Delvecchio is a Pisces 5/3/10/1/10 Knowledge Sim, with yet another career-related LTW.

Aside from the hair color, he is a clone of Abel. Or Abel's a clone of him, since Vex was born first.

Abe immediately gravitated to the pool table, while Stevie was drawn to the chessboard.

Vex, on the other hand, took time out of his day to check himself out in the bathroom mirror.

Aphrodesia finally has her puppy.

Just the one puppy, though. Little Billy Fordham doesn't seem to mind his mother's green stink lines.

Howe's Aspiration was low, so I sent him out to Wish for Friends, and Ben Long Nose Bowl Cut Guy got dropped.

Howe decided to make “friends.”

The Wishing Well makes this so easy. Still, must soldier on with the date to push Howie into platinum.

Howie even manages to score his first kiss off the guy!

“So, you wanna kiss some more?”

“Yeah. You?”

“Yeah.”

Yes, Ben Long Nose Bowl Cut. Howe works out.

They even manage to fall in love, which pushes Howe into platinum, and means I can ignore his Wants for the next couple of days.

Ben Long Nose Bowl Cut will not be going to college, though. He has been a teenage fling for many a Vetinari, and will continue to serve this function for me in the future.

Time to leave the hearts and cuddliness for a while...

“Spider? Is that you?”

“Sycamore. You made it.”

“You look like hell, Spider. When was the last time you slept?”

“I don't sleep anymore. I can't stand the dreams. The worst part is that the nightmares are the good dreams. I can't do it anymore. It'll be over soon anyway.”

“What do you mean? Is that why you asked me to meet you here?”

“Dad's planning something. I don't know what. He's holed up on the second floor, all by himself. I haven't been able to find out what he's doing. I think he's going after the Prettacy, though, after Raven told him he wouldn't be able to hurt her family. Once I figure out what he's up to, I can stop it. I can't do anything until I know he hasn't planted a bomb or something that doesn't require him to trigger it. But once I know, I can kill him.”

“Come again? I must need to clean out my ears, because I could have sworn you just said you were going to kill your father.”

“I don't have a choice. We both know he won't stop as long as he's breathing. Someone has to stop him, and that someone has to be me. Your hands are clean; mine aren't. It only makes sense for me to be the one to do it.”

“No wonder you don't sleep. This isn't healthy, Spider Jerusalem. I think you should consider what you're doing.”

“I know what I'm doing. Once Dad is dead, the Legacy will be safe, and I'll get to rest. It'll all be over. Finally.”

“This isn't good for you. Just... Just walk away, Spider. Just go. I may have asked for your help, but I didn't want this. Please, just quit.”

“I don't know how. Tell me how to quit and I will.”

“There's no trick to it. You just stop. I don't know how else to say it. All you have to do is walk away and leave this all behind you.”

“I've tried. I can't do it. No one ever taught me how to quit. I wish I could.”

“Is your brother worth all of this? Do you think that if he leaves his boyfriend, he'll thank you for torturing yourself?”

“It's not about Cassidy anymore. I think it stopped being about helping Cassidy a long time ago.”

“Then you don't need to do this to yourself anymore. Just go. You're not letting anyone down. You might even find happiness.”

“My brother is beyond my ability to help. The woman I loved is dead. The only other people who were good to me are you and Uncle Larch. I can make sure both your families are safe by killing my father. I've already made my choice. One last thing, and then I can quit because I won't have anything left to fight.”

“What happened to hope, Spider?”

“Pandora's Box is empty.”

“I have to go.. I'll call you when I figure out what Dad's up to.”

“Please don't do this.”

“I'll call you. Goodbye, Sycamore.”

This is the last update of the year, everybody! Crazy Gay Huggy Servo, Ulysses Goodytwoshoes, SimNerd, and Joyce wish you a safe and happy holiday season! I'll see you next year with Epic Plot Volcano!