Enjoy working with peopleby controlling the only thing you can

Erik Gruber / Kelsey Lundberg

01Complaints

Seeing complaints as commitments gives us a choice.

02New people

Want people to like something? Just say it’s old.

3 friends 4 friends 1 stranger

Q: Which is the better team?

New people make us better at our jobs. (Even though we don’t like it.)

Embrace the awkwardness.

Take responsibility. You control your role.

03Apologies

It feels really BAD when we make mistakes.

I’m sorry=

The right apologies restore us. The wrong apologies drain us.

04Criticism

You stink.

I don’t stink. You stink.

Prospective Hindsight

Be Calm. Be Confident. Be Fearless.

“ Our capacity to screw up is not some kind of embarrassing defect in the human system, something we can eradicate or overcome.

It's totally fundamental to who we are.

- Kathryn Schulzauthor of Being Wrong: Adventures in the Margin of Error

05Losing battles

Icon made by Freepik from www.flaticon.com

Fighting every battle will destroy you.

clout

reputation

energy

Think about the battles you choose to fight, and what you're willing to fight for.

06

Difficult conversations

Flow

challenge = skill

challenge

skill

challenge

skill

skill = challenge

• Change your mindset • Plan, but don’t script • Be compassionate • Acknowledge the other person’s perspective • Listen • Reflect and learn

How to Handle Difficult Conversations at Work

- Harvard Business Review

1.Observation

2.Have the conversation

Difficult conversation is a skill to build not a problem to avoid.

I choose

“Happiness is a condition that must be prepared for, cultivated, and defended privately by each person.

- Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, Flow

People have a right to be how they are.

“ The only thing that is capital-T True is that you get to decide how you’re going to try to see it.

- David Foster Wallace

Thank you!• MinneWebCon • Scott Kubie • Michael Vedders • Tim Hammer • Eric Jameson • Suzanne Worthley

kelseylundberg.com / erik-gruber.com

Research

Complaining • How the Way We Talk Can Change the Way We Work - book by Robert Kegan and Lisa Laskow Lahey

New People • "Longer is Better" - research study by Scott Eidelman, Jennifer Pattershall, Christian S. Crandall • "The Pain is Worth the Gain: The Advantages and Liabilities of Agreeing with Socially Distinct

Newcomers" - research study by Katie Liljenquist , Katherine Williams Phillips, Margaret Neale

Criticism • How to Stay Calm When You Know You'll Be Stressed - TED Talk by Daniel Levitin • On Being Wrong - TED Talk by Kathryn Schulz

Apologies • What Does Guilt Do? - article, Psychology Today • Shame: A Concealed, Contagious, and Dangerous Emotion - article, Psychology Today • Listening to Shame - TED Talk by Brené Brown

Difficult Conversations • Flow - book by Mihály Csíkszentmihályi • How to Handle Difficult Conversations at Work - article, Harvard Business Review • The Surprising Science of Happiness - TED Talk by Dan Gilbert

Opening and Closing Thoughts • This is Water - speech and book by David Foster Wallace