Enjoy working with people by controlling the only thing you can
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Enjoy working with people by controlling the only thing you can Erik Gruber / Kelsey Lundberg
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Transcript of Enjoy working with people by controlling the only thing you can
Enjoy working with peopleby controlling the only thing you can
Erik Gruber / Kelsey Lundberg
01Complaints
Seeing complaints as commitments gives us a choice.
02New people
Want people to like something? Just say it’s old.
3 friends 4 friends 1 stranger
Q: Which is the better team?
New people make us better at our jobs. (Even though we don’t like it.)
Embrace the awkwardness.
Take responsibility. You control your role.
03Apologies
It feels really BAD when we make mistakes.
I’m sorry=
The right apologies restore us. The wrong apologies drain us.
04Criticism
You stink.
I don’t stink. You stink.
Prospective Hindsight
Be Calm. Be Confident. Be Fearless.
“ Our capacity to screw up is not some kind of embarrassing defect in the human system, something we can eradicate or overcome.
It's totally fundamental to who we are.
- Kathryn Schulzauthor of Being Wrong: Adventures in the Margin of Error
05Losing battles
Icon made by Freepik from www.flaticon.com
Fighting every battle will destroy you.
clout
reputation
energy
Think about the battles you choose to fight, and what you're willing to fight for.
06
Difficult conversations
Flow
challenge = skill
challenge
skill
challenge
skill
skill = challenge
• Change your mindset • Plan, but don’t script • Be compassionate • Acknowledge the other person’s perspective • Listen • Reflect and learn
How to Handle Difficult Conversations at Work
- Harvard Business Review
1.Observation
2.Have the conversation
Difficult conversation is a skill to build not a problem to avoid.
I choose
“Happiness is a condition that must be prepared for, cultivated, and defended privately by each person.
- Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, Flow
People have a right to be how they are.
“ The only thing that is capital-T True is that you get to decide how you’re going to try to see it.
- David Foster Wallace
Thank you!• MinneWebCon • Scott Kubie • Michael Vedders • Tim Hammer • Eric Jameson • Suzanne Worthley
kelseylundberg.com / erik-gruber.com
Research
Complaining • How the Way We Talk Can Change the Way We Work - book by Robert Kegan and Lisa Laskow Lahey
New People • "Longer is Better" - research study by Scott Eidelman, Jennifer Pattershall, Christian S. Crandall • "The Pain is Worth the Gain: The Advantages and Liabilities of Agreeing with Socially Distinct
Newcomers" - research study by Katie Liljenquist , Katherine Williams Phillips, Margaret Neale
Criticism • How to Stay Calm When You Know You'll Be Stressed - TED Talk by Daniel Levitin • On Being Wrong - TED Talk by Kathryn Schulz
Apologies • What Does Guilt Do? - article, Psychology Today • Shame: A Concealed, Contagious, and Dangerous Emotion - article, Psychology Today • Listening to Shame - TED Talk by Brené Brown
Difficult Conversations • Flow - book by Mihály Csíkszentmihályi • How to Handle Difficult Conversations at Work - article, Harvard Business Review • The Surprising Science of Happiness - TED Talk by Dan Gilbert
Opening and Closing Thoughts • This is Water - speech and book by David Foster Wallace
