Tinder ebook 01 - Amazon S3 · 3 It’s the holy grail of online dating. How to get started on...
Transcript of Tinder ebook 01 - Amazon S3 · 3 It’s the holy grail of online dating. How to get started on...
Back when we started out in the dating world, we had to actually, you know, date. As in: leave our
houses, head to a bar or the local CVS, filter in and out the right people, and actually talk to
them—before we even knew whether they were dating material in the first place!
Oh, and we had to do it in the snow. Uphill. Both ways.
Okay—it wasn’t that bad. We had the Internet, which means we had dating sites. And we had cell
phones, which means we could text. And we mastered those media like it was nobody’s business,
which is why we created the official Art of Charm TXT Book, which turned e-banter into a fun and
awesome science.
But now? The rules have changed. A whole new game has developed. Apps and devices have blown
the dating scene wide open. The world is your oyster.
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you lucky bastard
Because there’sTHIS little thing called
And IT’S GOING TO
ROCK YOUR WORLD
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Tinder is the newest rage in the online dating world.
An Introduction to TinderIf you’re new to Tinder, let me fill you in. (If you’re a Tinder MVP, keep reading anyway. We’re going
to take you from good to great to Tinder Jedi Knight. But props for already getting started.) (Tinder
noobs—we’ve got you!)
In a nutshell, Tinder is a mobile app that allows you to set up an easy (and free) profile so that you
can play a fun, easy version of “hot or not” with single girls in your area.
While you’re sifting through girls’ profiles—swiping left if you’re not interested, swiping right if you
are—they’re doing the same thing with you. If you both swipe right on each other, then you get a
match, and the game is on.
Pretty awesome, right?
What this means is that you will only connect with girls who have demonstrated some interest in
you (don’t you wish bars were like this?) and that the barriers to approaching have been taken down
to their lowest and most convenient levels.
I know. It’s everything you’ve been waiting for.
Even better news is that you can master Tinder the way you can master any other game. But we’ll get
to that in a second.
Tinder profiles contain only a handful of pictures (8 or fewer) and a very brief profile (usually no
more than 4 sentences) for you to peruse. That’s important, because it’ll give you something more
than just looks to work with. It also means there’s more going on here than just superficial swiping,
which we at The Art of Charm think is very important.
Tinder can be used for all sorts of great experiences.
First, you can use Tinder as a normal dating app, seeking out people for hang-outs or relationships.
(AOC alumni have found several long-term girlfriends on the app. After reading this e-book, we
wouldn’t be surprised if you become one of them!)
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It’s the holy grail of online dating.
How to get started on Tinder
You can also use Tinder to find cool people in your area—friends, colleagues, and new wingwomen.
Depending on your goals, you can think of the Tinder community as broadly as you want. It’s a great
networking tool and a fun place to start meeting people in a new city.
Finally—and you know we’re big on this at AOC—you can also use Tinder as an awesome tool for
exercise and self-improvement. The app is ideal for tightening up your game, keeping yourself
engaged and in shape, learning how to engage different types of people, moving swiftly from app
to text to real life, and developing your online confidence. That’s crazy valuable, apart from all the
dating potential!
Because Tinder is really a gift to us. While other dating sites require a significant investment of your
time (how many hours have you poured into Match.com?), Tinder is fast, convenient, relatively
private, and full of people who are already interested in meeting you.
First, let’s put aside everything you know about online dating. Whereas OKcupid profiles are
detailed portraits of someone’s personality and values, Tinder is more like an iPhone snapshot.
Or a fishing lure. Or a lightening rod. Pick your favorite metaphor—the point is, you want
something fun, friendly and shiny to grab a girl’s attention. The first goal is simply to get her to
bite.
So you’re playing a game, really. And the game is: let’s both swipe so we can start talking.
Which means that a girl might swipe her way through 30 guys a minute. If you don’t have
something to catch her eye—something that inspires her to swipe right—then we’ve missed an
opportunity.
The first thing you’ll need is a killer profile.
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First, good profile pictures
Second, a solid profile
These come straight from your Facebook account, which Tinder integrates with. Choosing
your photos is super easy.
The good news: You don’t need to be David Beckham to win at this game. You don’t need to
be extraordinary handsome, ripped or extravagant. You just need to be someone she would
want to hang with. You need to be intriguing.
So skip the shirtless bathroom selfie. (Seriously—just don’t.) Cut the ones of you wasted
with your friends. (There are way too many dudes with drunk pics. Don’t be a Tindork.)
Instead, post 4-5 solid, quality photos of yourself. One of those photos should be a
straightforward, normal photo of you smiling and looking good. The rest can be fun and
playful photos that give a glimpse of who you are—you doing something adventures, riding
a bike, playing guitar, doing something funny, playing a sport—anything that hints at your
personality without being obvious, crass or self-promotional. (There’s a lot of that on Tinder,
too. And we both know you’re better than that!)
Pro-tip: Put your best photo first. Girls often decide to swipe based on your first photo
alone, so make sure it’s a good one.
The section is called “About Me”, but let’s not make this your life story. Keep it short and
sweet, and focus on conveying a fun and intriguing personality. More than anything, be real.
How can you be authentic, intriguing and concise at the same time? By focusing on those
key details about yourself that are true and interesting. We’ve all got them. What do you do
for fun? What do you have to share with the world? What gets you excited? Big or small, the
answers to those questions could easily be your profile.
Recovering lawyer, current backpacker, avid reader, future awesome guy you know—that, for
example, covers some fun basics without being pretentious. So does something like New
York native studying the indigenous peoples of Los Angeles. Love new friends. Total book nerd.
Even more awesome in person.
So what inspires people to swipe?
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How do I win?
Whatever you write, the tone will do most of the work for you. On Tinder, as in life, the particulars
matter less than the style.
You can also mix it up and add some humor by including a funny quote, asking a silly question, or
sharing an observation. It’s all fair game. (Lots of people even make fun of the fact that they’re on
Tinder, but that’s starting to get a little worn out.) Tinder shouldn’t just be one big joke, but it also
shouldn’t be totally serious.
Ultimately, you want to give her something to swipe-right about and to talk about when you meet up.
As a starting point, just imagine what you would want to know about someone off the bat, and start
there. We’re all looking for the same things: authenticity, uniqueness, and a fun little challenge. Use
your profile to capture those qualities.
Once you’ve got your profile set up, you’re ready to play! The question is:
nail your profileOne of our guys wrote the following in his “About Me” section:
“Volleyball, fishing, shark wrestling, hiking, guitar, craft beer, teacher. Only one of those is a lie.”
Perfect, right? It’s both real and fun, revealing and brief. It ends with a hint of intrigue and a perfect opening conversation: So which one’s real? (I think we all know what it is—shark wrestling, obviously—but it’s still a fun
Glad you asked.
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Maximizing your matchesHere’s where Tinder gets interesting.
There are lots of different views about how to game this app—it’s sort of like basketball
coaches arguing for a fast-break game vs. half-court game—but we’re going to share a
general strategy here for maximizing your matches. Over time, you’ll have to decide what
works best for you. This is a great place to start.
But first—a little secret.
Most guys use Tinder like a normal dating website. They go through each profile, carefully
critique and assess each picture and “about me” section, then decide if someone is right for
them.
This probably takes about 20-30 seconds, but when you multiply that by the hundreds of
profiles you’ll come across, it’s a HUGE time-waster. Plus, remember that you can only chat
with people who swipe right on you too—which means that of all of the girls you “like,” only
a few of them will actually match with you, making all that time an even worse investment.
No one knows what works on Tinder like girls on Tinder. They’re an amazing resource for avoiding
some of the most common pitfalls of online dating.
If you need some advice, talk to girls about their favorite Tinder stories. Our female friends have loads
of stories, from the awful guys with tasteless dick-pics to the handful of dudes who were actually cool.
Advanced exercise: Create a Tinder profile for a girl on a device you don't use, then see what happens.
Watch every guy say a variation of the same thing that doesn't work and never has. Watch the dull
texts and bad photos roll in.
How does it feel to be on the girl’s side of Tinder? What can you learn from those mistakes? Have you
ever been one of those guys? Well now you know what it’s like to be the recipient—and exactly how
to change.
POLLING GIRLS ON TINDER
Girls can be your best wingman on Tinder, so use them!
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Embrace the Tinder game
So right about now you’re probably thinking: Why don’t I just swipe-right and “like”
everybody, then start being selective once I get my matches?
Good idea! We like the way you’re thinking.
Except the people who built Tinder are pretty smart. They know that future Tinder MVPs like
you are looking to do some serious damage on this app. And they don’t want people gaming
the system.
So recently, Tinder’s engineers made some changes. First, they limited the number of
matches you can get by swiping-right. And second, they started keeping track of how many
left-swipes and right-swipes people give and receive.
Which means that the “like everybody then see who matches back” approach just won’t
work—because Tinder now limits and tracks that move—and that people who give very few
“likes” are deemed, in Tinder’s eyes, more attractive. And girls who are more “attractive”
(which here just means “selective”) don’t get displayed to guys who constantly swipe right.
So what should you do? In short: Find a balance. Don’t be overly selective too early
(remember, you still want to be efficient), but don’t be a total right-swipe stud, either. “Like”
people you actually find attractive, but don’t make it a full-time job. Something in the middle
will maximize your chances with girls you’re actually interested in without turning Tinder’s
code against you.
If you respect that balance—and it’s very easy to respect, since it actually works in your
favor—then Tinder will always reward you.
If things go well, you’ll end up with a nice number of matches. If you end up with a huge number
(stud!), don’t stress—you can just let them sit!
Most will wait for you to initiate. And they will still be waiting when you want to go back and message
them. You can always go back to girls when you have the time, or revisit past matches who have been
sitting around in your queue for a while.
MANAGING YOUR QUEUE
95% of girls won't message first.
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Things are going swimmingly now! You’re swiping right, you’re getting matches—you’ve successfully
completed the first phase of Tinder.
Now you have to develop a relationship. Luckily, our exclusive TXT Book strategies are perfect for
Tinder, so you’ll have tried-and-tested material to use during this phase of the game.
Decide your sphere of interest
Tinder has a nifty feature that allows you to set your search radius, or how far from your
current location you’re interested in looking.
If you start with a huge radius, you are going to end up with a lot of matches, many of whom
you wouldn’t want to travel so far to see. Instead, start small (maybe only 1-3 miles if you
live in a heavily populated area or a big city) and go through all of the profiles there.
If you want to increase your profiles or matches, then increase your radius bit by bit. That
way, you aren’t overwhelmed with matches and you can always add more by just increasing
your radius and “like” your way through a whole new batch!
If you’re looking to hook up in the next few hours, then you might not want to venture more than 5 miles. (Hey—we get it.)
If you’re looking for cool new friends, then your search might be wider. (Interesting people are everywhere.)
SETTING YOUR RADIUS
Consider your goals, then match your search radius accordingly.
Your radius also depends on your interests.
Game on—time to banter
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Your first goal after matching is to get the girl interested enough to respond. Once she does, your
second goal is to keep her interested. Which means you have to be having fun! If you’re having fun,
you’ll be fun, and if are fun, she’ll have fun too—and that’s the whole idea!
So put away your specific expectations for a moment. Don’t be pushy, and don’t be needy. Instead, be
playful. Have fun. Be different from 99% of the dudes on Tinder.
Are you talking to a date, a friend or a potential new colleague? Is she on her 10 am coffee break at
work, or sexting in bed at 11 pm? Are you trying to hook up tonight, or to develop a relationship over
the next few days?
Your immediate goal will require different approaches. The only thing that won’t change is the game
of bantering!
Tailor your Tinder TextTinder game will change with your goals, context and partner. Keep that in mind as you text.
Fun fact: A large proportion of girls on Tinder aren’t really sure how they feel about the app, and are
just there to play with it before they decide to delete it.
Knowing that most women are jumping on and off Tinder should take some pressure off and inspire
you to take fun chances. It also means that they are willing to take a risk and meet new people before
they jump ship—which only increases your odds!
Worst-case scenario: You talk to a girl you didn’t know and you will never see again. Best-case
scenario: You’re the one who makes Tinder worthwhile for her!
THE REVOLVING DOOR OF TINDER
How awesome is that?
The one and only rule of Tinder texting: Have fun!
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Instead of saying Hey or What’s up?, set yourself apart. You looked cool, but now I see you actually read
books—we’re gonna get along famously! will grab a girl’s attention, make her laugh, and instantly set
you apart from the rest of the dudes putting in the bare minimum.
Similarly, referencing something meaningful in her profile in a fun and inviting way—Wait, you like The
Fountainhead AND The Bachelor? Are you really telling the truth? :)—sets up a perfect opening
conversation.
Here are four common types of Tinder openers. Remember that there is no “right” way to start a
conversation—just do what works in the moment!
The most organic way to kick off an exchange is a callback to her profile. You like Game of
Thrones AND you’re in my neighborhood? How are we not friends yet? is a perfect way to begin. It
identifies a common passion and immediately creates a shared experience.
There’s no “right” way to banter on Tinder. But here are a few field-tested openers from The Art of Charm crew that have worked wonders. Feel free to use these, or—even better—use them to create some of your own.
You had me at the Miami Heat and Scandal!
Wait—you actually like Children’s Hospital? Can we just skip Tinder and get married right now? :)
Real talk: Favorite Game of Thrones season—one or two?
I accidentally wound up in a gay bar last night…I had to beat guys off left and right :)Just moved to L.A. as well. You stalking me? :)
You look like an adorable Pixar character in a suit :)
KILLER OPENERS
The profile callback
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You can combine the profile callback with a little playful teasing (see our TXT Book for more
detail): You live 10 miles away?! That’s soooo far! I hope you own a helicopter :), for example, is
great.
Or you can combine the callback with some light disqualification. Play a game of 2 Compliments
and a ‘But’ by saying something like, I love Game of Thrones and beach volleyball, but you listen to
Miley? :/ Oh well, 2 out of 3 isn’t bad ;).
Another natural way to start bantering is to comment on her profile picture. The key with this
opener is to be confident and positive, and to never be superficial or mean.
A complimentary reference usually gets the job done. You remind me of a really cute Minnie
Mouse :) is fun and complimentary without being condescending or needy (two common traps
for dudes on Tinder).
Commenting on her picture is especially effective if she’s clearly using her profile picture to her
advantage. For example, if she posts a photo of her giving a TED Talk, then you know she values
her public speaking experience. Talk about it! Similarly, if a super hot girl includes photos of her
looking killer in a bikini, then you can call out the elephant in the room while neutralizing the
tension: Big Bang Theory and beach-running? I think we’re going to get along great. Plus you’re just
hideous to look at :).
Another fun way to begin is to initiate a little game of role-playing. Something like, Here’s the
thing. You and me—I think we’re gonna make it. Let’s take Hollywood by storm! will kick off a funny
back-and-forth about the reality TV show you two should have. Any shared experience is
great—even a silly, fictitious one—because it quickly creates intimacy and history.
You can also serve up riddles or jokes to kick off the conversation. What has a bottom at the top?
I prefer riddles over pickup lines so I get the smarties ;) can be effective, because it hooks intrigue
(what’s the answer?), raises her discernment (you’re already selective), and creates an instant
game (we’re solving the riddle). My grandparents met on Tinder! I’m looking for a true love like
theirs ;) will also hit the right tone. (But use that one selectively—it’s been making the rounds!)
(Oh—and the answer to the riddle is “your legs.” Legs have a bottom at the top.)
The picture comment
Role-playing and jokes
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After the opener, your only job is to have a fun conversation. Get to know one another. Share some fun
and relevant backstory. Be a real human. Don’t get too deep, too intense, too quickly. Keep it light and
fun, while being real and friendly. Continue having fun, and don’t let the conversation linger. (Again,
the TXT Book will be your best friend here.)
All of this will create the foundational trust and common ground that allows women to feel intrigued
and safe around you. And that is how you can begin a real-world relationship.
Another fun way to begin is to initiate a little game of role-playing. Something like, Here’s the
thing. You and me—I think we’re gonna make it. Let’s take Hollywood by storm! will kick off a funny
back-and-forth about the reality TV show you two should have. Any shared experience is
great—even a silly, fictitious one—because it quickly creates intimacy and history.
You can also serve up riddles or jokes to kick off the conversation. What has a bottom at the top?
I prefer riddles over pickup lines so I get the smarties ;) can be effective, because it hooks intrigue
(what’s the answer?), raises her discernment (you’re already selective), and creates an instant
game (we’re solving the riddle). My grandparents met on Tinder! I’m looking for a true love like
theirs ;) will also hit the right tone. (But use that one selectively—it’s been making the rounds!)
(Oh—and the answer to the riddle is “your legs.” Legs have a bottom at the top.)
Pro-tip: Be careful with prepared jokes. While they scale well (you can pretty much copy and
paste them), they can sometimes come across as canned and impersonal. Again, do what works
for you in the moment, and always make it personal!
These are some of the best openers around. They’re organic, authentic and honest.
For example, A guy literally just fell off the bar stool next to me. Wish you could have been here to
see it combines the shared reference of role-playing above with the spontaneity of a situational
opener.
But simple openers can work brilliantly too. Just had an awesome dinner with an old friend. So
fun. How as your night? is a perfect way to offer a window into your life and invite her to do the
same. Being open also paints you as totally normal, which is a basic but essential trust-builder
in the online world.
Situational opener
Keep it moving
The last stage of Tinder is to move from the app to the real world.
Into the real world
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Once you’ve had fun, bantered, gotten to know one another and created some basic rapport, you’re in
great shape to get her number and set up the date.
Don’t make a huge deal about it—just throw it out when the conversation is going well. Our research
shows that about 5-15 messages is the sweet spot. Anyway, your instincts will tell you the right time.
A smart way to transition to the phone is to offer her your number. You’re fun. Let’s keep talking.
XXX-XXX-XXXX. You should respond there is perfect. You’re making it clear that you’re moving in that
direction, but giving her the space to transition on her own.
You can also combine your phone number with playful banter. After an especially fun exchange, say
something like, Haha! You just won my phone number. XXX-XXX-XXXX. Once again, you’re moving
toward the real world without being needy or pushy.
From there, the same texting rules apply, and booking the date will be a natural extension of your
conversation. You seem pretty awesome. You should totally go on a date with me is perfect. So is
something like, You’re pretty cool. Let’s go on a fun adventure date! And if you’re already talking about
something you both enjoy—running on the beach, bowling, catching a movie—then simply suggest
doing it together. Boom—you’ve got an insta-date.
After that, there’s no need to linger. A simple I’ve got to run, but it was awesome chatting with you. Can’t
wait for our date :) works just fine.
If you’ve done everything right up to this point, meeting up will be easy as pie. The progression from matching to texting to meeting helps you manage each stage along the way. If you’re struggling to book a real date, then revisit your text game and see where you can improve.
Sometimes you’ll have to spend longer in the text stage before you can move to a real-world encounter. Sometimes you’ll get there immediately. And sometimes you’ll have to start fresh and get it right with the next girl.
That’s the beauty of Tinder—you have infinite lives! So enjoy the app for the practice as well as for the potential.
FROM TEXTING TO HANGING
https://theartofcharm.leadpag-es.net/ars-lp-breakup-ebook/
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To maintain your momentum and positive energy as you transition from Tinder to real life, keep
dropping fun, playful texts along the way. On the day of your date, shoot her a text to reengage and
confirm: Today is our big day. Just relax. Breathe :) works wonders. So does Are you ready to get your butt
kicked in bowling today? :)
It ultimately doesn’t matter what you say—only how and when you say it. That’s the beauty of texting!
From there, you’re back in the real world with a cool new girl on a fun new adventure. Mission
accomplished!
W H E R E O R D I N A R Y G U Y S B E C O M EE X T R A O R D I N A R Y M E N
Wherever you are, whomever you’re with, whatever your goals, I hope you have fun with this app and
enjoy putting these exclusive tips into practice. We’re always looking out for you here at The Art of
Charm—in our bootcamps, on your phone, and out there in the real world.
Now go have fun and leave everything (and everyONE) better than you found it!
So there you are,
own handbook-your very
mastering
brother on