1. ,

2. - - , . Aa. . 3. Aa Aa ! , ! !! ! !! 4. - , - , , , , , , , , , - , , . . . , - , , - , , , - 5. - - - , - , , - , , a , 6. , - - , , , , - - , , , , , , , - , , , , - , - , - - , , , - 7. - , - , , , - -- ? , - . . - , - , - / ? ? ? - , , , , , , , , , , - , ae , - , , , , , , . . , ,. . - , - , - , , , , , 8. - I- -- PUNISH ME LORD IF I AM GUILTY a 9. - , , 10. [ , ] , [ - ? , - , , , , , ( ) , [ , ] , - , , ? , ] , ( , , , ) , - , , e , , , ? , . . , ? , [ ] , , . . . , , , , , , - , , 11. -, - , ! , ? ? ? , - , ? , - , , , , - [ ] - - - , - - ? - , , , , ? , , , , , , . . . - ? ! - ? [ , ] , , , - ? , , , ? - [ , ] , ! ! 12. ! [ ] , , - - ? , , ! , , ! , , , , , ! , - - , - , - . . . , - , , [ ] , ? , - , [ ] , , , , , , , - ? [ , ] , [] -, , , - ? , - . . . 13. , ! , , , - , ? ! , . . . , . . . . . . , -a , - , , , , , - - , , ? . . . , , . . . ? , , - , 14. , [ ] , - ( ) , , ? - , , , , , - - . . . ? - - , - , - - ? -, , - , , - - - , ! - , , , ? [ ] , , , , [ ] - , - [ ] , 15. ! [ ] , , [ ] ? , , - ? ,, , ! , , - , [] ? , - - , ? , , - , i , , , , , , , , , , , ! , , , - 16. . . . . . . ? . . . , , [ ] , , [ ] , [ , ] , - , - ? - , 17. ? - ? ? - ? - ? , - ? - ? , , , , , , , - ? ! , - - ? - | 18. - , , , , , , - , - , , - , - , - ; , , -, , , , - , . . . - 19. , , , - , , , . . ! , , , , , , , , - - - , , - , , : , , - , 20. - - - 21. - , ? , - , . . . , , , , , ! - , ,- -, - - , - , - - , , , ? 22. , ! , - , - - - , 23. , , - , , , , , - , , , , . . . - , , , -- - a , , , . . . , , , , , - , , , a a , , , 24. - - , . . . , , , , , , ? - - - , ? , , -, , - , , , - , , - , , - , , , - , * * * * * * , 25. , , - , - , - - - , , , , , , , , , , - , , - , , - , - , - , - , - , , 26. , - , , , , , - ? , , - , , ? , . . ? , - , , , , - - - , ? , - , -- * * * , , . . . , , , , , -- , , , , , , - , - 27. , , , - , , - , , , , - - ( ) - , , -- - - - - , - , , - , , - , , , - 28. PUNISH ME LORD IF I AM GUILTYHow are you feeling now, John? except a beetle shop that was still open. A few eerie looking rustics were surrounding itMuch better, Father. discussing tomorrows poll. We stopped thereGood enough! Lets hear the rest part of it. Youand asked for Primary School Madhopur.had reached Madhopur with polling party a dayTake a turn left from here and go straight, atbefore the polls. What happened next?, an about five minutes drive you will reach theintrigued father asked.school, a creepy little man with a nervous ticIt was getting darker when we reached, I replied. We heard them bursting in laughter as westarted again. We were following the service roadleft.of canal, it was narrow. And the cattle returningSmells spooky, we will have to be cautiousfrom the nearby farms were making my jeeptomorrow, I said.impossible to move. We were still couple of We meet none awake after that turn. Street dogskilometers away from the main village. Amid the sleeping on the road kept shifting and grumblingherd the driver was finding it difficult to find a as we moved along. Lights in almost all housesway. The wailing horn was crying in wilderness. had gone dim. The roar of engine impelled a fewWe decided to wait. I came out of jeep and felt curious ones to open their window. Facesthe evening drift of air. It was carrying with it the sneaked through them and they again swungwaft of the soil, moistened by dew. I took a deep them shut with a bang.breath in delight. It was amazing. Father, in village a day ends much before thanI saw my driver arguing with the shepherd, he in a city. And when it ends it ends with itself allfinished it soon and gestured me to sit. We longings and desires. So complete is a day there.budged ahead in darkness. With sun nowhere in Father smiled as he arranged the candlesticks andsight and evening laying carpet for the night, said, John that ends early starts early, and this isMadhopur was getting quieter. The trees on the how nature balances itself.bank of canal were appearing as black silhouettesagainst the pale sky. Few stars had alreadyThe school was an old one; dull, wrecked andspangled the sky. Children had deserted thescary. I wondered how the children would haveroads, a few villagers returning late from farms been learning in this pathetic situation. We keptwere giving us a weird look and women were our luggage aside and spread the bed sheet onmaking off from well towards home. The ground. Previous elections have taught to carrycampaign mikes had gone silent following the food, medicine and first aid kit always with us.code. On the road the only sound audible was Finishing our dinner hastily we lay on our sheets.that of the sparrows chirping on the branches andWhole day exertion has made our bodies badlythe water rushing in the canal. They were clearlytired. Everyone soon fell asleep. There wasalienating the roar of engine. Our vehicle was quietness as of the dead of night. A few cricketslurching against the damaged road. We were were chirping and snoring of my party wassitting gripping firmly the seat bracket below.outshining them in rhythm. Dogs by the time had started wandering and grumbling near the jeepAs we moved on, the waft of the moist soil fighting for the wrappers of the edibles thrown. Idiminished and stench of faeces and decay grew threw a stone lying nearby to chase them off.stronger. Reek of smoke had filled the Excitement and plan for tomorrow had still keptsurroundings. Madhopur was thickly populated. me awake. Lying on my sheet I felt cold andHuts with thatched roof were built beside each weakness. The rough journey had made my bodyother. The lantern light emerging in between the feverous. I needed warm water to take medicine.slits of rafters was giving them an appearance of I looked at my watch, it was only 8:30 pm, butgolden ferries drifting in the ocean of darkness. almost all the lanterns had gone dim.We have reached, where to turn now, the driver I will have to find a house where inhabitants aresaid coughing and gasping for breath. We were still awake, I said to myself. Taking theon a crossroad and needed local support to find medicine in my hand I came out on the street. Iour booth. I moved my eyes around. It was only strolled for couple of minute and found a house7:30 in evening but shutters of shops were down, with light still bright. 29. I knocked. But there was no reply. I knockedwe found our house plundered and all moneyagain. After a few obvious questionnaires I was gone and he started crying again.able to persuade them to open the door. Didnt you complain?The scene inside was very poignant. I saw a child Of course! But police says they are too busy inwrapped in rugs lying on an old cot. A womanelection and will investigate once the poll is over.who seemed to be her mother was sitting besideI have to depart for Kerala a day after tomorrow.his head caressing his hair and crying incessantly. We are worried how we will manage he saidThere was not much space inside but from firstoverpowering the emotions.glance itself I ascertained that their living was onWhat a pity! How much money it was? Mustmargin. I cursed myself for bothering them.have been lacs I guessed.How can I help you sir? the man who hadNo, not that much, around twenty thousands.opened the door asked. I explained him thepurpose of my visit and that I wanted a cup ofBut how are you going to get treated Gopal inwarm water. On hearing that I had came fortwenty thousand, these operations are costlier.tomorrows poll he frowned a bit but offered me I know but that is only the cost of journey anda cot to sit and asked his wife if she could do the medicines, operation cost are being borne byfavour for me. I saw her moving to kitchen andHoly Cross.he took the position next to the child. Holy Cross!, I exclaimed.Has anything happened to the kid, I asked. IsYes, they had come for a free checkup campaignhe ill?in Madhopur and it was then that they offered theHe just nodded and was a bit reluctant, but whenhelp. They have some links with a heart hospitalI insisted he finally broke out. Sir, my name is in Kerela which will operate Gopal.Bhikhan and this is my son Gopal. He is By the time his wife had brought the water. Itsuffering from Atrial Septal Defect. was boiling; I kept it on the floor.You mean to say, hole in heart I meddled in When did you find out his illness?, I againbetween.asked.Yes sir, and he started sobbing.It all started on his sixth birthday. HeI am sorry I didnt mean hurting you. complained of pain and early fatigue. We thoughtNo sir its ok, at least you asked otherwise who might be because of growing age and tookcares for the poors pain. lightly. But the problem grew and he feltreluctant to even school. He is a sharp studentHow is the treatment going?and he never misses classes. It was then we tookTears again fell from his eyes. I am screwed sir!him seriously. We showed him to all doctors hereI am screwed! I am robbed off all the money I in district but none could find the disease.had kept for his treatment. You have come for the Someone advised us to take him to PMCH. I hadelection whose result will be clear after month no money. I mortgaged my small farm and tookbut in my case it has happened yesterday. It hashim to Patna. We spent weeks there to find outhurt me severely.that he has a hole in his heart right from the timeI am sorry but there is no connection betweenof his birth. We felt shattered. There are somethe two things. I said.diseases which are not meant for poor. Like itsThere is, he said whacking his fist firmly on big name the risk and cost involved in treatmentthe cot. I am a supporter of the party in rule.were both big. I hardly arrange two end meals forThere was a vast rally of the opposition partymy family and the thought of bringing lacs ofcouple of days ago. All the villagers weremoney for the treatment devastated me. I left nopersuaded either on the name of caste or by stones unturned in collecting money but failed. Ioffering a few money to join the rally. They hadsold my land, mortgaged my house, sold allcontacted me too but I had turned down the offerornaments but was able to gather only a fewas I had to take Gopal for checkup. But theythousands. I even knocked the door of MLA butdidnt listen and threatened me of theall that I got was assurance. Coming of holy crossconsequences if I failed to join them. I belong tohere was like a wish come true for my child. Buta caste in minority here. My co-caste men too with the money gone I fear how I will take him tohad advised me not to irk them. But it was theKerela.question of Gopals life. When we returned home How will you manage then trying not to get toopersonal I asked. 30. The Almighty above had guided till here He John, it is as such to facilitate people to cast inmust have found some way out to fulfill our absence of all the pressure you were talking,desire, and he raised his hand in air to offer while alone they listen to their conscience,prayer to God.father tried to convince.See you at polls tomorrow, I said and took my Ah! Dont tell me that people listen to all but domedicine and left.of their conscience, because I have seen this I returned to school. Everyone was asleep. The conscience on sale for mere sum of rupees. Itssnoring was still on and so was chirping of the effect of hundreds of years of anarchy; it willcrickets. I lied on my sheet. The innocent face oftake an equal time to wash out of mind.Gopal wasnt fading off my mind.Calm down! Lets continue, Father said.Father, there are a few desires like that of It was a pleasant day and everything was goingBhikhan which need more than a day time to geton smoothly and situation was in all control. Atfulfilled. Still God was much generous in his casenoon we took time out for having our lunch.otherwise sometimes it needs more than aSome villagers had arranged food stuff for us.lifetime to achieve few of them. We had hardly completed our lunch when weJohn, dont forget He might ignore a few times heard roar of engines on the street. Before webut never forgets anyone, father said consolingcould have understood anything a gang armedmy surge of emotion.with pistols overpowered and handcuffed all ourBMP Jawans. They fired a round of bullets in airWe woke up early in the morning. We had toand declared; its a booth capture all those whoprepare our booth for the poll. There were tworooms in the school open for us. In one room we love their life need not poke their noses here.set our table and confined the other for theHearing this all villagers standing in the premisescasting of vote. The magistrate handed over the started to stampede and the gang was busyballot boxes and ballot paper by 5:00 am. Weevacuating the area. Suddenly something struckwere busy preparing papers and envelopes. my mind. I dashed towards the ballot paper,Villagers by the time had started buzzing aroundgrabbed them and sprang into the other room andthe booth. The polling agents were giving final locked it from inside. A few members of the gangpiece of advice to the voters. pursed from behind and started knockingvehemently on the door.One should vote and marry within the caste or itsworthless. Why are these fools still sleeping get My God! How did you dare in front of thosethem awake. No vote should go as waste. Tell allguns, father asked.yadavs to put the muhar on third symbol from top. It was quiet an obvious reaction father; we haveSomeone should go and tell the ladies to vote on theto keep the mandate free and fair. No matter howfirst symbol. Mishra ji what are you doing man getthe voting goes but I cant let anyone plunder theprocess. I am always proud to have a democraticsomeone who can draw and paste the symbol inform of set up in our country and I felt it was myeach house to help ladies get acquainted with. Callduty to safeguard it. And this capture was justthe Dalits and instruct them where our symbol isuncalled for, I replied.this year or they will keep voting on position of lastIn those days there were no mobile phones, soyear. What, your wife will vote for opponent,that we might get any help in this kind ofwhich type of man you are, cant you control even a emergency. The knocking grew vigorously. Theylady. Get her lock in house, she must not be left freekept on knocking and warning for the dreadfultill evening. consequences.These sentences were common in almost allOpen the door we will vote and return peacefullyrural areas on the polling day. My ears wereand wont harm you.accustomed to them. At sharp 7:00 am we startedthe polls. They kept repeating and I kept waiting with batedbreath.Father, we have a strange system of voting.Who will outshine other is decided on the basis We are giving you last warning else we are going toof caste or money. No one votes outside his caste.burn the room.Women vote on wishes of their husband. Voters I cringed back from the door. I shuddered withare bought for a few rupees. Then whats the usefear. I looked out from window and gesturedof keeping the process of voting confine, I never villagers to run and bring help. But none of themunderstand, I said dismayed. dared to confront the armed rampage. 31. Sir let them have what they want why you are votes, they casted another thousand votes. Withingiving your life for this dumb politics, all villagerscouple of hours the whole rampage ended and Iare with them, this is planned, came a voice.had gathered twenty thousands.The voice was a bit familiar. I gazed out ofNo one reported against you, father posed.window, it was Bhikhan. In the meantime some- Life is not that easy father; I had to convincething smacked the door and a fluid entered in them and of course distributed few thousandsbetween the opening of door and floor. It was among them. One got to know all the rules tokerosene. emerge out as a winner. After all it was me whoThey are going to set you on fire, a party member has dared his life.screamed. On that day while returning I again went toA chill ran down my spine and I almost had aBhikhans house and handed over the money leftcold feet.with me.Father, the equation of life is strange, you haveBhikhan, you were correct. God had alreadyto keep calculating in order to sort it out. I at devised the way to fulfill your wish, I said.once opened the door and came out but still His eyes filled with tears and he fell on my feet. Iguarding it. saw a gratifying smile on the face of his wife.You want ballot and I want money, lets have a Yes they all knew Gopal would be fine soon. Ideal, I spoke at once. kissed on kids forehead and left.During the return journey as the stench wasA deal, father exclaimed.getting trounced I felt the waft of delight. I knewYes father a deal.it was coming somewhere from the village itself,What deal?from Bhikhans house. It was the day ofI will let you cast as many votes as you wish and fulfillment of his desire. Yes, another day waswont report about it as well but in return I wantending. The smoke of longing has finally drifted.twenty rupees for each ballot paper.Father, I never repented for what I did, anI cant believe you offered to sell ballot paper, untoward incident has deprived Gopals chancesfather said.of survival and another has privileged it. This ishow equation of life is balanced. I neverYes, I did it.discussed it throughout my life, I never gotThey were unprepared for this and I had moved caught. But with passage of time thevariables to undo the unbalanced state. circumstances die out and decisions prevail. AndHow you dare to have a deal with us we wont the truth is that what I did was wrong. Now atagree, a gunman said. I looked at him he was the seventy I am feeling guilty. Thats why I havesame person with that nervous tic, Bhikhan wascome here to confess. I am feeling much lightercorrect.now and hope I will die in peace.If you wont agree I will let you do what youMy son, its not we, who decide whats right orwant but will report later and polling at this boothwhats wrong. We humans dont have thatwisdom to differentiate; its the work of God andwill get cancelled and later elections will be heldlet Him decide. Make your prayer and leavehere under Para military forces tight security andeverything on Almighty.you wont be able to make worth the money youhave taken from your masters, I tried to convinceI closed my eyes and recited in my mind punishthem. me Lord if I am guilty.Father, in battle when both have an equallyTruth by its very nature does not yield to be keptequipped arm either both of them dies or no hidden forever. Truth which has been hither to beblood sheds; I had already stroked the righthidden as covered by the glitter of golden plate,cord.has by now, though belatedly, been discovered.Truth triumphs; truth alone, forgive him Lord if heThey had a brief discussion and finally acceptedmy offer. There were two thousand voters on myis guilty, I heard Father reciting.booth, out of which hundred had casted their - 32. , , , , , . . - - , , - , , ? . . . - , , , - . . , , , , - , , - , , , , , ? , . . . , , , 33. , ? , , , , ? a - , - ? ? , , , ? ! , , , ? - . . - , , ? , , ! ? , . . . , . . . , - - u , ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ?? 34. , -- ??? - , - , , . . . . , , , , . . , , ? ? , ? ? ? ? - , ? - , . . 35. , ? ? ? ? ? - ? ? . ? . . .. . . , . , , ? , ? ? , , - ? - - , , , - 36. , ? , , ? - ? - ? , ? ? ? ? , , - ? - - ? ? , ? ? , , 37. , ? ? , , - , ? ! - - , ? . . , , , ? - - - , ? , - , - , ? , , ? ? ? ? , , , , , 38. , ? ? ? ? - - ? - ? , , ? ? , ? , ? ? I , , , ? ? ? I , ? , - , , - ? ? , a ? ? 39. , , , - , , , -, , . . , , -, , , , , - , , - -, - , , , , , , , . . . ? - 40. , -, , - - , , , , , , , , - - , , - 41. - CELEBRATE LIFE I . . . . . . , . . . . . . . . . ! . . . , , ; , . . . / / . . . ? : , I : . : ( ) . . , I - , (. . ., - ) , , - . . . ; , . . . ! - ; . . . . . . ! - - . . . () - . . . - ; , , - . . . . . . , () - , , ! 42. , , / . . . / . . . . . . , , - - ! ! ! -, . . . , , , - -, , , , ; I , , , - , . . . - , , - - () (, ?) ! - , , ! , ? ; , , - ? , . . . ! -; . . . , . . . , , () ( , . . . ) . . . , , , . . . , ! 43. ! . . . , ; , , . . . , - , ( ) , ; , . . . . . . -- ( ) , . . . - , - . . . - , ; - - . . . , - . . . ; -- . . . , ; - - , , - , . . . , - . . . / / . . . / ! - , , , , , / - / . . . / - ! . . . , , , - 44. - . . . ; ( - - , - this is our victory) / , ; / ( ) ( . . . ( ) . . . - ) . . . , . . . - , . . . . . . ... ( ) . . . , . . . : - - , , , - . . . e . . . . . . ! ? -- . . / - . . . ! ; . . . (. . . ! ) e / , - . . . ! , . . . - : CELEBRATE LIFE 45. , ; , ? I- -- , , , , , , , - , , . . . - 46. , . . . , . . . . . . . . . . . . , - , . . . . . . , . . . , . . . . . . 47. ( ) , , - , , - , , , - ?- ? , , , - - - - , e - ( , ) , ( ) ( ) , - - ( ) ( , , 48. ) , , , , - ( ) ( ???) - ? , - , ( -- , -- , - .- , -- ) . - , , ? ! ? ? - , , ? , , ? , , , , - , , , , , , , , , , , - , , , , , , 49. , - - , - , , , , , - , , - , , I, , - - - , , , 50. , , , , , , , (Tryst with destiny) , , , - , , , , - - - - ( , ), - , , , , , - , , , , , -- 51. 52. - ---, , ----- - ---- , , - --- 53. a . . . , - , , ? . . - - - , , ? , , - ( ) i , , ? / - ? , 54. ? , , , - ? , -, - - , , - , ? -- , , - ? - , , ? , , 55. , ? ? , , , , , , -- , , , ? ? - - , - , , , - ? ? , , , - , 56. - , - - - ? ? ? , , , , - - ? ? - - ? , , , , 57. ? , , ( ) , - , , , , , , ? ? , , - , - , 58. -, , , , , - , - , , , , , , , , , , , ? - , , , - , ? - - () , , , - - , , , , , - , - - - , - , , , , , , - - 59. , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , - , , - , , , , , , , , , ? ? ? , , , , , 60. , , , ? , , ? - I , , , , , , ? ? , ? ? , ? , , -- , - - , - - , , , , , , ? ? , ? ? ? 61. () , , - , , , , , , , , ? ? ? , , , - ? , ? ? , , - 62. ? , ? , ? , , -, - , - , , , ? ? ? - ? , ? , , , , , , - , , - , ? ? , ? , , - - - ( ) , - - - - 63. - - - - - e , ? ? , , , - , ? - ? ? ? ? ? , , () , - ( ) , , , ? ? ? ? - - - , , 64. - ? , , , , , - - , , . . . , , , , , - , - , , , , , ? , , , - , , - 65. , - , , , , , , - , , , - , , - . , ( ) ( ), , , , , . . . , , , - . . . , ? , - , ? ? 66. , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , - , , , -, - , , - ? 67. , , , , - ? , , -- - , , , , - , , , , , , , , , , , , , - , , , - ? ? , , , , , , , , , , - / ! 68. / , / ! ! ! ! -, - , , - , - , , , , , , , , , , , , - , , - - - , - ? , , , ? , , - , / / / , - , , , , , , , , i , , - , , , - - - , - ,, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , 69. , , , , , , , , - - , , , , , , , , , - -- , - - , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ( ), , , , , , - . , 70. , i , , , , , . . - , - ? ? , - , , , , ; , ; , ; , , , , - - , , , , - , , - , , , , , , : , , , , , 71. ? -, ? - , , , , , , , , , , , , , - , , , , , , , . . . , , , , , - , - - , , , , , , , , - - , , , , e , , , , , , 72. , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , - , , , , , - , , , , , , , , , , . , , . , , , , , -, - , -, - - , , , 73. , , , , , - , , , , - a , - , , - , ? , , , , , , , / , , , , , , , , , - , , 74. - , , , - , - , - , , , - ? ? , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ? , , , , , 75. , -- , ? , , , -- , , , , ? , , , , , , , , , , / ? , , , ? , , , e , , , , 76. , . , , e , , , ? , , , , , , - - I , , , , - ? . . . , - , - , -- , - - , - ? , - ? , , , , , , , - - , 77. , , , , , , , , , ( - ) , , , , ! , - , , e , , a , , , , , , , - ? , , , , , , , , , , - , , - , , - , , , 78. 79. , , , , 80. , , , , , , , , , , , , ( + + )