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CLARISSAHARLOWE
orthe
HISTORYOFAYOUNGLADY
NineVolumesVolumeIV.
CONTENTSOFVOLUMEIV
LETTERI.ClarissatoMissHowe.--Likesherlodgings;butnotgreatlythewidow.ChidesMissHoweforherrash,thoughfriendlyvow.Catalogueofgoodbooksshefindsinhercloset.Utterlydissatisfiedwithhimforgivingouttothewomenbelowthattheywereprivatelymarried.Hasastrongdebatewithhimonthissubject.Heoffersmatrimonytoher,butinsuchamannerthatshecouldnotclosewithhisoffer.Hercautionastodoors,windows,andsealsofletters.
LETTERII.MissHowetoClarissa.--
Herexpedienttocorrespondwitheachothereveryday.Isgladshehadthoughtsofmarryinghimhadherepeatedhisoffer.Wondershedidnot.
LETTERIII.ClarissatoMissHowe.--Breakfastswithhimandthewidow,andhertwonieces.Observationsupontheirbehaviourandlooks.Hemakesameritofleavingher,andhopes,ONHISRETURN,thatshewillnamehishappyday.Sheiswillingtomakethebestconstructionsinhisfavour.
Inhisnextletter(extractsfromwhichareonlygiven)hetriumphsonthepointshehascarried.Stimulatedbythewomen,heresumeshisresolutiontotryhertotheutmost.
LETTERIV.ClarissatoMissHowe.--Lovelacereturnsthenextday.Shethinksherselfmeanlytreated,andisangry.Heagainurgesmarriage;butbeforeshecanreturnhisanswermakesanotherproposal;yetshesuspectsnotthathemeansastudieddelay.HeisintreatyforMrs.Fretchville'shouse.Descriptionofit.Aninvitingopportunityoffersforhimtoproposematrimonytoher.Shewondersheletitslip.Heisveryurgentforhercompanyatacollationheistogivetofourofhisselectfriends,andMissPartington.HegivesanaccountwhoMissPartingtonis.
InMr.Lovelace'snextletterheinvitesBelford,Mowbray,Belton,andTourville,tohiscollation.Hishumourousinstructionsfortheirbehaviourbeforethelady.Hastwoviewsingettingherintotheir
company.
LETTERV.LovelacetoBelford.--HasbeenatchurchwithClarissa.Thesabbathacharminginstitution.Thetextstartleshim.Nathantheprophethecallsagoodingeniousfellow.Shelikesthewomenbetterthanshedidatfirst.Shereluctantlyconsentstohonourhiscollationwithherpresence.Longstohavetheiropinionsofhisfairprize.Describeshertogreatadvantage.
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LETTERVI.ClarissatoMissHowe.--ShepraiseshisgoodbehaviouratSt.Paul's.IsprevailedontodinewithMrs.Sinclairandhernieces.Isbetterpleasedwiththemthanshethoughtsheshouldbe.Blamesherselfforherreadinesstocensure,wherereputationisconcerned.Hercharitableallowancesonthishead.Thisdayanagreeableday.InterpretseverthingshecanfairlyinterpretinMr.Lovelace'sfavour.Shecouldpreferhimtoallthemensheeverknew,ifhewouldalwaysbewhathehadbeenthatday.Isdetermined,asmuchaspossible,bytruemerit,andbydeeds.Datesagain,andisoffendedatMissPartington'sbeingintroducedtoher,andathismakingheryieldtobepresentathisintendedcollation.
LETTERVII.Fromthesame.--Disgustedwitherevening.Characterizeshisfourcompanions.LikesnotMissPartington'sbehaviour.
LETTERVIII.Fromthesame.--AnattempttoinducehertoadmitMissPartingtontoashareinherbedforthatnight.Sherefuses.Herreasons.Ishighlydissatisfied.
LETTERIX.Fromthesame.--HasreceivedanangryletterfromMrs.Howe,forbiddinghertocorrespondwithherdaughter.Sheadvisescompliance,thoughagainstherself;and,toinducehertoit,makesthebestofherpresentprospects.
LETTERX.MissHowe.Inanswer.--Flamesoutuponthisstepofhermother.Insistsuponcontinuingthecorrespondence.HermenacesifClarissawritenot.RavesagainstLovelace.ButblamesherfornotobligingMissPartington:andwhy.Adviseshertothinkofsettlements.LikesLovelace'sproposalofMrs.Fretchville'shouse.
LETTERXI.Clarissa.Inreply.--Terrifiedathermenaces,shepromisestocontinuewriting.Beseecheshertolearntosubdueherpassions.Hasjustreceivedherclothes.
LETTERXII.Mr.HickmantoClarissa.--
MissHowe,hetellsher,isuneasyforthevexationshehasgivenher.Ifshewillwriteonasbefore,MissHowewillnotthinkofdoingwhatsheissoapprehensiveof.Heoffersherhismostfaithfulservices.
LETTERXIII.XIV.LovelacetoBelford.--Tellshimhowmuchtheladydislikestheconfraternity;Belfordaswellastherest.Hasawarmdebatewithherinherbehalf.LooksuponherrefusingashareinherbedtoMissPartingtonassuspectinganddefyinghim.Threatensher.--Savagelygloriesinhergrief,onreceivingMissHowe'sprohibitoryletter:whichappearstobeinstigatedbyhimself.
LETTERXV.BelfordtoLovelace.--Hisandhiscompeer'shighadmirationofClarissa.Theyalljointo
entreathimtodoherjustice.
LETTERXVI.XVII.Lovelace.Inanswer.--Heendeavourstopalliatehispurposesbyfamiliarinstancesofcrueltytobirds,&c.--Farthercharacteristicreasoningsinsupportofhiswickeddesigns.Thepassiveconditiontowhichhewantstobringthelady.
LETTERXVIII.Belford.Inreply.--Stillwarmlyarguesinbehalfofthelady.Isobligedtoattendadyinguncle:andentreatshimtowritefromtimetotimeanaccountofallhis
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proceedings.
LETTERXIX.ClarissatoMissHowe.--Lovelace,shesays,complainsofthereserveshegivesoccasionfor.Hisprideadirtylowpride,whichhaseatenuphisprudence.Heissunkinheropinion.AnafflictinglettersentherfromhercousinMorden.
Enclosestheletter.Inwhichhercousin(swayedbytherepresentationsofherbrother)pleadsinbehalfofSolmes,andthefamily-views;andsetsbeforeher,instrongandjustlights,thecharacterofalibertine.
Herheavyreflectionsuponthecontents.Hergenerousprayer.
LETTERXX.ClarissatoMissHowe.--Hepresseshertogoabroadwithhim;yetmentionsnottheceremonythatshouldgiveproprietytohisurgency.Cannotbearthelifeshelives.WishesheruncleHarlowetobesoundedbyMr.Hickman,astoareconciliation.Mennellintroducedtoher.WillnottakeanotherstepwithLovelacetillsheknowthesuccessoftheproposedapplicationtoheruncle.
SubstanceoftwolettersfromLovelacetoBelford;inwhichhetellshimwhoMennellis,andgivesanaccountofmanynewcontrivancesandprecautions.Women'spocketsballast-bags.Mrs.Sinclair'swardrobe.
Goodorderobservedinherhouse.Thelady'scaution,hesays,warrantshiscontrivances.
LETTERXXI.LovelacetoBelford.--Willwriteaplay.Thetitleofit,TheQuarrelsomeLovers.Perseverancehisglory;patiencehishand-maid.Attemptstogetalettertheladyhaddroptasshesat.Herhighindignationuponit.Fartherplots.PaulWheatly,who;andforwhatemployed.SallyMartin'sreproaches.Hasoverplottedhimself.Humannatureawell-knownrogue.
LETTERXXII.ClarissatoMissHowe.--Acquaintsherwiththeirpresentquarrel.Findsitimprudenttostaywithhim.Re-urgestheapplicationtoheruncle.Cautionshersexwith
regardtothedangerofbeingmisledbytheeye.
LETTERXXIII.MissHowe.Inanswer.--ApprovesofherleavingLovelace.Newstoriesofhiswickedness.Willhaveherunclesounded.Comfortsher.Howmuchhercasediffersfromthatofanyotherfemalefugitive.Shewillbeanexample,aswellasawarning.ApictureofClarissa'shappinessbeforesheknewLovelace.Briefsketchesofherexaltedcharacter.Adversityhershiningtime.
LETTERXXIV.Clarissa.Inreply.--HasacontestwithLovelaceaboutgoingtochurch.HeobligesheragaintoacceptofhiscompanytoSt.Paul's.
LETTERXXV.MissHowetoMrs.Norton.--DesiringhertotrytodisposeMrs.Harlowetoforwardareconciliation.
LETTERXXVI.Mrs.Norton.Inanswer.
LETTERXXVII.MissHowe.Inreply.
LETTERXXVIII.Mrs.Harlowe'spatheticlettertoMrs.Norton.
LETTERXXIX.MissHowetoClarissa.--
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FruitlessissueofMr.Hickman'sapplicationtoheruncle.Advisesherhowtoproceedwith,andwhattosayto,Lovelace.Endeavourstoaccountforhisteasingways.Whoknows,shesays,butherdearfriendwaspermittedtoswerve,inordertobringabouthisreformation?InformsherofheruncleAntony'sintendedaddresstohermother.
LETTERXXX.ClarissatoMissHowe.--Hardfatetobethrownuponanungenerousandcruelman.ReasonswhyshecannotproceedwithMr.Lovelaceassheadvises.AffectingapostrophetoLovelace.
LETTERXXXI.Fromthesame.--InterestingconversationwithLovelace.Hefrightensher.Hementionssettlements.Hermodestencouragementsofhim.Heevades.Truegenerositywhat.Sherequireshisproposalsofsettlementsinwriting.ExaminesherselfonherwholeconducttoLovelace.Maidenlynicenessnothermotiveforthedistanceshehaskepthimat.Whatis.Inviteshercorrectionifshedeceiveherself.
LETTERXXXII.Fromthesame.--WithMr.Lovelace'swrittenproposals.Herobservationsonthecoldconclusionofthem.Heknowsnotwhateverywisemanknows,oftheprudenceanddelicacyrequiredinawife.
LETTERXXXIII.Fromthesame.--Mr.Lovelacepressesfortheday;yetmakesaproposalwhichmustnecessarilyoccasionadelay.Herunreservedandpatheticanswertoit.Heisaffectedbyit.Sherejoicesthatheispenetrable.Hepressesforherinstantresolution;butatthesametimeinsinuatesdelay.Seeingherdispleased,heurgesforthemorrow:but,beforeshecananswer,givesherthealternativeofotherdays.Yet,wantingtorewardhimself,asifhehadobligedher,sherepulseshimonalibertyhewouldhavetaken.Heisenraged.Hermelancholyreflectionsonherfutureprospectswithsuchaman.Themoralshededucesfromherstory.[Anote,defendingherconductfromthecensurewhichpasseduponherasovernice.]
Extractsfromfourofhisletters:inwhichhegloriesinhiscruelty.Hardheartednessheownstobeanessentialofthelibertinecharacter.Enjoystheconfusionofafinewoman.Hisapostrophetovirtue.Ashamedofbeingvisiblyaffected.Enragedagainstherforrepulsinghim.Willsteelhisownheart,thathemaycutthrougharockoficetoher's.Thewomenafreshinstigatehimtoattempthervirtue.
LETTERXXXIV.MissHowetoClarissa.--Isenragedathisdelays.Willthinkofsomeschemetogetheroutofhishands.Hasnonotionthathecanordaretomeanherdishonour.WomendonotnaturallyhatesuchmenasLovelace.
LETTERXXXV.BelfordtoLovelace.--
Warmlyespousesthelady'scause.Nothingbutvanityandnonsenseinthewildpursuitsoflibertines.Forhisownsake,forhisfamily'ssake,andforthesakeoftheircommonhumanity,hebeseecheshimtodothisladyjustice.
LETTERXXXVI.LordM.toMr.Belford.--Aproverbialletterinthelady'sfavour.
LETTERXXXVII.LovelacetoBelford.--HeludicrouslyturnsBelford'sargumentsagainsthim.Resistance
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inflameshim.Whythegallantispreferredtothehusband.Givesapieceofadvicetomarriedwomen.SubstanceofhislettertoLordM.desiringhimtogivetheladytohiminperson.Hisviewinthisletter.RidiculesLordM.forhisproverbs.LudicrousadvicetoBelfordinrelationtohisdyinguncle.Whatphysiciansshoulddowhenapatientisgivenover.
LETTERXXXVIII.BelfordtoLovelace.--Setsforththefolly,theinconvenience,theimpolicyofKEEPING,andthepreferenceofMARRIAGE,uponthefootoftheirownprinciples,aslibertines.
LETTERXXXIX.LovelacetoBelford.--AffectstomistaketheintentionofBelford'sletter,andthankshimforapprovinghispresentscheme.Theseductionprogressismoredelightfultohim,hesays,thanthecrowningact.
LETTERXL.Fromthesame.--Allextremelyhappyatpresent.Contrivesaconversationfortheladytooverhear.Platoniclove,howitgenerallyends.Willgethertoaplay;likesnottragedies.Hastoomuchfeeling.Whymenofhiscastprefercomedytotragedy.Thenymphs,andMrs.Sinclair,andalltheiracquaintances,ofthesamemind.Otherartificesofhis.Couldhehavebeenadmittedinherhoursofdishabilleandheedlessness,hehadbeen
longagomasterofhiswishes.Hisviewingettinghertoaplay:aplay,andacollationafterwards,greatlybefriendalover'sdesigns;andwhy.SheconsentstogowithhimtoseethetragedyofVenicePreserved.
LETTERXLI.ClarissatoMissHowe.--Givestheparticularsoftheoverheardconversation.Thinksherprospectsalittlemended.Iswillingtocompoundfortolerableappearances,andtohope,whenreasonforhopeoffers.
LETTERXLII.MissHowetoClarissa.--HerschemeofMrs.Townsend.Isnotforencouragingdealersinprohibitedgoods;andwhy.HerhumouroustreatmentofHickmanonconsultinghimuponLovelace'sproposalsofsettlements.
LETTERXLIII.Fromthesame.--HeraccountofAntonyHarlowe'saddresstohermother,andofwhatpassedonhermother'scommunicatingittoher.CopyofMrs.Howe'sanswertohisletter.
LETTERXLIV.XLV.LovelacetoBelford.--ComesatseverallettersofMissHowe.HeisnowmoreassuredofClarissathanever;andwhy.Sparklingeyes,whattheyindicate.Shekeepshimatdistance.Repeatedinstigationsfromthewomen.Accountofthelettershehascomeat.Allrageandrevengeuponthecontentsofthem.MenacesHickman.WishesMissHowehadcomeuptotown,asshethreatened.
LETTERXLVI.ClarissatoMissHowe.--Isterrifiedbyhim.Disclaimsprudery.BegsofMissHowetoperfectherscheme,thatshemayleavehim.Shethinkshertemperchangedfortheworse.Tremblestolookbackuponhisencroachments.Isafraid,onthecloseself-examinationwhichhercalamitieshavecausedhertomake,thateveninthebestactionsofherpastlifeshehasnotbeenquitefreefromsecretpride,&c.Tearsalmostintwotheanswershehadwrittentohisproposals.Intendstogooutnextday,andnottoreturn.Herfartherintentions.
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LETTERXLVII.LovelacetoBelford.--Meetstheladyatbreakfast.Flingsthetea-cupandsauceroverhishead.Theoccasion.Alarmsandterrifiesherbyhisfreeaddress.Romping,theuseofitbyalover.Willtryifshewillnotyieldtonightlysurprises.Alion-heartedladywhereherhonourisconcerned.Musthaverecoursetohismaster-strokes.Fableofthesunandnorthwind.Mrs.Fretchville'shouseanembarrass.Hegivesthatpretendedladythesmall-pox.OthercontrivancesinhisheadtobringClarissaback,ifsheshouldgetaway.MissHowe'sschemeofMrs.Townsendis,hesays,aswordhangingoverhishead.Hemustchangehismeasurestorenderitabortive.Heisofthetruelady-make.Whatthatis.Anotherconversationbetweenthem.Herapostrophetoherfather.Heistemporarilymoved.Dorcasgiveshimnoticeofapapershehascomeat,andistranscribing.Inordertodetainthelady,hepressesfortheday.MissHowehefanciesinlovewithhim;andwhy.HeseesClarissadoesnothatehim.
LETTERXLVIII.Fromthesame.--Copyofthetranscribedpaper.Itprovestobehertornanswertohisproposals.Meeknessthegloryofawoman.Ludicrousimageofatermagantwife.Hehadbetternevertohaveseenthispaper.Hasverystrongremorses.Paintstheminlivelycolours.Setsforththelady'stranscendentvirtue,andgreatnessofmind.Surprisedintotheseargumentsinherfavourbyhisconscience.Putsittoflight.
LETTERXLIX.Fromthesame.--Mennellscruplestoaidhimfartherinhisdesigns.Vapourishpeoplethephysicaltribe'smilch-cows.Advicetothefaculty.HasdonewiththeprojectaboutMrs.Fretchville'shouse.Theladysuspectshim.AseasonableletterforhimfromhiscousinCharlotte.Sendsupthelettertothelady.ShewritestoMissHowe,uponperusingit,tosuspendforthepresentherapplicationtoMrs.Townsend.
LETTERL.Fromthesame.--Aninterviewallplacidandagreeable.Nowisheinatrain.AllhenowwaitsforisaletterfromLordM.Inquiresaftertheirmarriagebyastrangerofgoodappearance.Theladyalarmedatthem.
LETTERLI.LovelacetoBelford.--Curseshisuncleforanotherproverbialletterhehassenthim.Permitstheladytoseeit.Ninewomenintenthatfall,fall,hesays,throughtheirownfault.
LETTERLII.LordM.'scharacteristicletter.
LETTERLIII.LovelacetoBelford.--Theladynowcomestohimatthefirstword.Triumphsinhersweetnessoftemper,andonherpatiencewithhim.PutshiswritingsintocounsellorWilliams'shands,topreparesettlements.Shallnowbedoublyarmed.Boastsofhiscontrivancesinpetto.Bringspatternstoher.
Proposesjewels.AdmiresherforherprudencewithregardtowhatheputsherupondoingforherNorton.Whathiswifemustdoandbe.Shedeclinesapublicwedding.Herdutifulreasons.SheiswillingtodispensewithLordM.'spresence.HewritestoLordM.accordingly.
ExtractfromaletterfromClarissa.--AftergivingMissHoweanaccountofthepresentfavourableappearances,shedesireshertokeepherselfallsuchoftheparticularswhichshehascommunicatedtoherasmaydiscreditMr.Lovelace.
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LETTERLIV.LovelacetoBelford.--HisprojectedplottorevengehimselfuponMissHowe.
LETTERLV.Fromthesame.--Freshcontrivancescrowdinuponhim.Heshallbeverysickonthemorrow;andwhy.Womenbelowimpertinentlyreproachful.Hewillbenoman'ssuccessor.Willnottakeupwithharlots.--HistoryoftheFrenchmarquis.
THEHISTORY
OF
CLARISSAHARLOWE
LETTERI
MISSCLARISSAHARLOWE,TOMISSHOWEWEDNESDAYAFTERNOON,APRIL26.
Atlength,mydearestMissHowe,IaminLondon,andinmynewlodgings.Theyareneatlyfurnished,andthesituation,forthetown,ispleasant.
ButIthinkyoumustnotaskmehowIliketheoldgentlewoman.Yetsheseemscourteousandobliging.--Herkinswomenjustappearedtowelcomemeatmyalighting.Theyseemedtobegenteelyoungwomen.Butmoreoftheirauntandthem,asIshallseemore.
MissSorlingshasanuncleatBarnet,whomshefoundsoveryill,thatheruneasiness,onthataccount,(havinglargeexpectationsfromhim,)mademecomplywithherdesiretostaywithhim.YetIwished,asher
uncledidnotexpecther,thatshewouldseemesettledinLondon;andMr.Lovelacewasstillmoreearnestthatshewould,offeringtosendherbackagaininadayortwo,andurgingthatheruncle'smaladythreatenednotasuddenchange.Butleavingthemattertoherchoice,aftersheknewwhatwouldhavebeenmine,shemademenottheexpectedcompliment.Mr.Lovelace,however,madeherahandsomepresentatparting.
Hisgenteelspirit,onalloccasions,makesheoftenwishhimmoreconsistent.
Assoonashearrived,Itookpossessionofmyapartment.Ishallmakegooduseofthelightclosetinit,ifIstayhereanytime.
OneofhisattendantsreturnsinthemorningtoTheLawn;andImadewritingtoyoubyhimanexcuseformyretiring.
Andnowgivemeleavetochideyou,mydearestfriend,foryourrash,andIhoperevocableresolutionnottomakeMr.Hickmanthehappiestmanintheworld,whilemyhappinessisinsuspense.SupposeIweretobeunhappy,what,mydear,wouldthisresolutionofyoursavailme?Marriageisthehigheststateoffriendship:ifhappy,itlessensourcares,bydividingthem,atthesametimethatitdoublesourpleasuresbyamutualparticipation.Why,mydear,ifyouloveme,willyounot
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rathergiveanotherfriendtoonewhohasnottwosheissureof?Hadyoumarriedonyourmother'slastbirth-day,asshewouldhavehadyou,Ishouldnot,Idaresay,havewantedarefuge;thatwouldhavesavedmemanymortifications,andmuchdisgrace.
***
HereIwasbrokeinuponbyMr.Lovelace;introducingthewidowleadinginakinswomanofher'stoattendme,ifIapprovedofher,tillmyHannahshouldcome,ortillIhadprovidedmyselfwithsomeotherservant.Thewidowgavehermanygoodqualities;butsaid,thatshehadonegreatdefect;whichwas,thatshecouldnotwrite,norreadwriting;thatpartofhereducationhavingbeenneglectedwhenshewasyoung;butfordiscretion,fidelity,obligingness,shewasnottobeout-donebyanybody.Socommentedherlikewiseforherskillattheneedle.
Asforherdefect,Icaneasilyforgivethat.Sheisverylikelyandgenteel--toogenteelindeed,Ithink,foraservant.ButwhatIlikeleastofallinher,shehasastrangeslyeye.Ineversawsuchaneye;half-confident,Ithink.ButindeedMrs.Sinclairherself,(forthatisthewidow'sname,)hasanoddwinkingeye;andherrespectfulnessseemstoomuchstudied,methinks,fortheLondoneaseandfreedom.Butpeople
can'thelptheirlooks,youknow;andafterallsheisextremelycivilandobliging,--andasfortheyoungwoman,(Dorcasishername,)shewillnotbelongwithme.
Iacceptedher:HowcouldIdootherwise,(ifIhadhadamindtomakeobjections,which,inmypresentsituation,Ihadnot,)herauntpresent,andtheyoungwomanalsopresent;andMr.Lovelaceofficiousinhisintroducingthem,toobligeme?But,upontheirleavingme,Itoldhim,(whoseemedinclinabletobeginaconversationwithme,)thatIdesiredthatthisapartmentmightbeconsideredasmyretirement:thatwhenIsawhimitmightbeinthedining-room,(whichisupafewstairs;forthisback-house,beingoncetwo,theroomsdonotallofthemveryconvenientlycommunicatewitheachother,)andthatImightbeaslittle
brokeninuponaspossible,whenIamhere.Hewithdrewveryrespectfullytothedoor,buttherestopt;andaskedformycompanytheninthedining-room.Ifhewereaboutsettingoutforotherlodgings,Iwouldgowithhimnow,Itoldhim;but,ifhedidnotjustthengo,IwouldfirstfinishmylettertoMissHowe.
Iseehehasnomindtoleavemeifhecanhelpit.Mybrother'sschememaygivehimapretencetotrytoengagemetodispensewithhispromise.ButifInowdoImustacquithimofitentirely.
Myapprobationofhistenderbehaviourinthemidstofmygrief,hasgivenhimaright,asheseemstothink,ofaddressingmewithallthefreedomofanapprovedlover.Iseebythisman,thatwhenonceawoman
embarkswiththissex,thereisnoreceding.Oneconcessionisbutthepreludetoanotherwiththem.HehasbeeneversinceSundaylastcontinuallycomplainingofthedistanceIkeephimat;andthinkshimselfentitlednowtocallinquestionmyvalueforhim;strengtheninghisdoubtsbymyformerdeclaredreadinesstogivehimuptoareconciliationwithmyfriends;andyethashimselffallenofffromthatobsequioustenderness,ifImaycouplethewords,whichdrewfrommetheconcessionshebuildsupon.
Whileweweretalkingatthedoor,mynewservantcameupwithan
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invitationtousbothtotea.Isaidhemightacceptofit,ifhepleased:butImustpursuemywriting;andnotchoosingeitherteaorsupper,Idesiredhimtomakemyexcusesbelow,astoboth;andinformthemofmychoicetoberetiredasmuchaspossible;yettopromiseformemyattendanceonthewidowandherniecesatbreakfastinthemorning.
Heobjectedparticularlyintheeyeofstrangersastoavoidingsupper.
Youknow,saidI,andyoucantellthem,thatIseldomeatsuppers.Myspiritsarelow.Youmustneverurgemeagainstadeclaredchoice.Pray,Mr.Lovelace,informthemofallmyparticularities.Iftheyareobliging,theywillallowforthem--Icomenothithertomakenewacquaintance.
IhaveturnedoverthebooksIfoundinmycloset;andamnotalittlepleasedwiththem;andthinkthebetterofthepeopleofthehousefortheirsakes.
Stanhope'sGospels;Sharp's,Tillotson's,andSouth'sSermons;Nelson'sFeastsandFasts;aSacramentalPieceoftheBishopofMan,andanotherofDr.Gauden,BishopofExeter;andInett'sDevotions,areamongthedevoutbooks:--andamongthoseofalighterturn,thefollowingnotill-chosenones:ATelemachus,inFrench;anotherinEnglish;Steel's,Rowe's,andShakespeare'sPlays;thatgenteelComedyofMr.Cibber,The
CarelessHusband,andothersofthesameauthor;Dryden'sMiscellanies;theTatlers,Spectators,andGuardians;Pope's,andSwift's,andAddison'sWorks.
IntheblankleavesoftheNelsonandBishopGauden,isMrs.Sinclair'sname;andinthoseofmostoftheothers,eitherSarahMartin,orMaryHorton,thenamesofthetwonieces.
***
IamexceedinglyoutofhumourwithMr.Lovelace:andhavegreatreason
tobeso,asyouwillallow,whenyouhavereadtheconversationIamgoingtogiveyouanaccountof;forhewouldnotletmeresttillIgavehimmycompanyinthedining-room.
Hebeganwithlettingmeknow,thathehadbeenouttoinquireafterthecharacterofthewidow,whichwasthemorenecessary,hesaid,ashesupposedthatIwouldexpecthisfrequentabsence.
Idid,Isaid;andthathewouldnotthinkoftakinguphislodginginthesamehousewithme.Butwhat,saidI,istheresultofyourinquiry?
Why,indeed,thewidow'scharacterwas,inthemain,whathelikedwellenough.ButasitwasMissHowe'sopinion,asIhadtoldhim,thatmy
brotherhadnotgivenoverhisscheme;asthewidowlivedbylettinglodgings,andhadotherstoletinthesamepartofthehouse,whichmightbetakenbyanenemy;heknewnobetterwaythanforhimtotakethemall,asitcouldnotbeforalongtime,unlessIwouldthinkofremovingtoothers.
Sofarwaswellenough.Butasitwaseasyformetosee,thathespoketheslighterofthewidow,inordertohaveapretencetolodgeherehimself,Iaskedhimhisintentioninthatrespect.Andhefranklyowned,thatifIchosetostayhere,hecouldnot,asmattersstood,
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thinkofleavingmeforsixhourstogether;andhehadpreparedthewidowtoexpect,thatweshouldbeherebutforafewdays;onlytillwecouldfixourselvesinahousesuitabletoourcondition;andthis,thatImightbeunderthelessembarrassment,ifIpleasedtoremove.
Fixour-selvesinahouse,andwe,andour,Mr.Lovelace--Pray,inwhatlight--
Heinterruptedme--Why,mydearestlife,ifyouwillhearmewithpatience--yet,IamhalfafraidthatIhavebeentooforward,asIhavenotconsultedyouuponit--butasmyfriendsintown,accordingtowhatMr.Dolemanhaswritten,intheletteryouhaveseen,concludeustobemarried--
Surely,Sir,youhavenotpresumed--
Hearmeout,mydearestcreature--youhavereceivedwithfavour,myaddresses:youhavemademehopeforthehonourofyourconsentinghand:yet,bydecliningmymostferventtenderofmyselftoyouatMrs.Sorlings's,havegivenmeapprehensionsofdelay:Iwouldnotfortheworldbethoughtsoungenerousawretch,nowyouhavehonouredmewithyourconfidence,astowishtoprecipitateyou.Yetyourbrother'sschemesarenotgivenup.Singleton,Iamafraid,isactuallyintown;hisvesselliesatRotherhithe--yourbrotherisabsentfromHarlowe-
place;indeednotwithSingletonyet,asIcanhear.Ifyouareknowntobemine,orifyouarebutthoughttobeso,therewillprobablybeanendofyourbrother'scontrivances.Thewidow'scharactermaybeasworthyasitissaidtobe.Buttheworthiersheis,themoredanger,ifyourbrother'sagentshouldfindusout;sinceshemaybepersuaded,thatsheoughtinconsciencetotakeaparent'spartagainstachildwhostandsinoppositiontothem.Butifshebelievesusmarried,hergoodcharacterwillstandusinstead,andgiveherareasonwhytwoapartmentsarerequisiteforusatthehourofretirement.
Iperfectlyravedathim.Iwouldhaveflungfromhiminresentment;buthewouldnotletme:andwhatcouldIdo?Whithergo,theeveningadvanced?
Iamastonishedatyou!saidI.--Ifyouareamanofhonour,whatneedofallthisstrangeobliquity?Youdelightincrookedways--letmeknow,sinceImuststayinyourcompany(forheheldmyhand),letmeknowallyouhavesaidtothepeoplebelow.--Indeed,indeed,Mr.Lovelace,youareaveryunaccountableman.
Mydearestcreature,needItohavementionedanythingofthis?andcouldInothavetakenupmylodgingsinthishouseunknowntoyou,ifIhadnotintendedtomakeyouthejudgeofallmyproceedings?--ButthisiswhatIhavetoldthewidowbeforeherkinswomen,andbeforeyournewservant--'ThatindeedwewereprivatelymarriedatHertford;butthatyouhadpreliminarilyboundmeunderasolemnvow,whichIammost
religiouslyresolvedtokeep,tobecontentedwithseparateapartments,andevennottolodgeunderthesameroof,tillacertainreconciliationshalltakeplace,whichisofhighconsequencetoboth.'AndfurtherthatImightconvinceyouofthepurityofmyintentions,andthatmywholeviewinthiswastopreventmischief,Ihaveacquaintedthem,'thatIhavesolemnlypromisedtobehavetoyoubeforeeverybody,asifwewereonlybetrothed,andnotmarried;notevenofferingtotakeanyofthoseinnocentfreedomswhicharenotrefusedinthemostpunctiliousloves.'
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Andthenhesolemnlyvowedtomethestrictestobservanceofthesamerespectfulbehaviourtome.
Isaid,thatIwasnotbyanymeanssatisfiedwiththetalehehadtold,norwiththenecessityhewantedtolaymeunderofappearingwhatIwasnot:thateverystephetookwasawryone,aneedlesswryone:andsincehethoughtitnecessarytotellthepeoplebelowanythingaboutme,Iinsistedthatheshouldunsayallhehadsaid,andtellthemthetruth.
Whathehadtoldthem,hesaid,waswithsomanycircumstances,thathecouldsoonerdiethancontradictit.Andstillheinsistedupontheproprietyofappearingtobemarried,forthereasonshehadgivenbefore--And,dearestcreature,saidhe,whythishighdispleasurewithmeuponsowell-intendedanexpedient?Youknow,thatIcannotwishtoshunyourbrother,orhisSingleton,butuponyouraccount.ThefirststepIwouldtake,iflefttomyself,wouldbetofindthemout.Ihavealwaysactedinthismanner,whenanybodyhaspresumedtogiveoutthreateningsagainstit.
'TistrueIwouldhaveconsultedyoufirst,andhadyourleave.ButsinceyoudislikewhatIhavesaid,letmeimploreyou,dearestMadam,togivetheonlypropersanctiontoit,bynaminganearlyday.WouldtoHeaventhatweretobeto-morrow!--ForGod'ssake,letitbeto-morrow!But,ifnot,[wasithisbusiness,mydear,beforeIspoke(yetheseemed
tobeafraidofme)tosay,ifnot?]letmebeseechyou,Madam,ifmybehaviourshallnotbetoyourdislike,thatyouwillnotto-morrow,atbreakfast-time,discreditwhatIhavetoldthem.ThemomentIgiveyoucausetothinkthatItakeanyadvantageofyourconcession,thatmomentrevokeit,andexposeme,asIshalldeserve.--Andoncemore,letmeremindyou,thatIhavenovieweithertoserveorsavemyselfbythisexpedient.Itisonlytopreventaprobablemischief,foryourownmind'ssake;andforthesakeofthosewhodeservenottheleastconsiderationfromme.
WhatcouldIsay?WhatcouldIdo?--Iverilythink,thathadheurgedmeagain,inapropermanner,Ishouldhaveconsented(littlesatisfiedasIamwithhim)togivehimameetingto-morrowmorningatamoresolemn
placethanintheparlourbelow.
ButthisIresolve,thatheshallnothavemyconsenttostayanightunderthisroof.HehasnowgivenmeastrongerreasonforthisdeterminationthanIhadbefore.
***
Alas!mydear,howvainathingtosay,whatwewill,orwhatwewillnotdo,whenwehaveputourselvesintothepowerofthissex!--Hewentdowntothepeoplebelow,onmydesiringtobelefttomyself;andstaidtill
theirsupperwasjustready;andthen,desiringamoment'saudience,ashecalledit,hebesoughtmyleavetostaythatonenight,promisingtosetouteitherforLordM.'s,orforEdgeware,tohisfriendBelford's,inthemorning,afterbreakfast.ButifIwereagainstit,hesaid,hewouldnotstaysupper;andwouldattendmeabouteightnextday--yetheadded,thatmydenialwouldhaveaveryparticularappearancetothepeoplebelow,fromwhathehadtoldthem;andthemore,ashehadactuallyagreedforallthevacantapartments,(indeedonlyforamonth,)forthereasonshebeforehintedat:butIneednotstayheretwodays,if,uponconversingwiththewidowandherniecesinthemorning,I
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shouldhaveanydisliketothem.
Ithought,notwithstandingmyresolutionabove-mentioned,thatitwouldseemtoopunctilioustodenyhim,underthecircumstanceshehadmentioned:having,besides,noreasontothinkhewouldobeyme;forhelookedasifheweredeterminedtodebatethematterwithme.Andnow,asIseenolikelihoodofareconciliationwithmyfriends,andasIhaveactuallyreceivedhisaddresses,IthoughtIwouldnotquarrelwithhim,ifIcouldhelpit,especiallyasheaskedtostaybutforonenight,andcouldhavedonesowithoutmyknowingit;andyoubeingofopinion,thattheproudwretch,distrustinghisownmeritswithme,oratleastmyregardforhim,willprobablybringmetosomeconcessionsinhisfavour--forallthesereasons,Ithoughtpropertoyieldthispoint:yetIwassovexedwithhimontheother,thatitwasimpossibleformetocomplywiththatgracewhichaconcessionshouldbemadewith,ornotmadeatall.
ThiswaswhatIsaid--Whatyouwilldo,youmustdo,Ithink.Youareveryreadytopromise;veryreadytodepartfromyourpromise.Yousay,however,thatyouwillsetoutto-morrowforthecountry.YouknowhowillIhavebeen.Iamnotwellenoughnowtodebatewithyouuponyourencroachingways.Iamutterlydissatisfiedwiththetaleyouhavetoldbelow.NorwillIpromisetoappeartothepeopleofthehouseto-morrowwhatIamnot.
Hewithdrewinthemostrespectfulmanner,beseechingmeonlytofavourhimwithsuchameetinginthemorningasmightnotmakethewidowandherniecesthinkhehadgivenmereasontobeoffendedwithhim.
Iretiredtomyownapartment,andDorcascametomesoonaftertotakemycommands.Itoldher,thatIrequiredverylittleattendance,andalwaysdressedandundressedmyself.
Sheseemedconcerned,asifshethoughtIhadrepulsedher;andsaid,itshouldbeherwholestudytoobligeme.
Itoldher,thatIwasnotdifficulttobepleased:andshouldlether
knowfromtimetotimewhatassistanceIshouldexpectfromher.ButforthatnightIhadnooccasionforherfurtherattendance.
Sheisnotonlygenteel,butiswellbred,andwellspoken--shemusthavehadwhatisgenerallythoughttobethepolitepartofeducation:butitisstrange,thatfathersandmothersshouldmakesolight,astheygenerallydo,ofthatpreferablepart,ingirls,whichwouldimprovetheirminds,andgiveagracetoalltherest.
Assoonasshewasgone,Iinspectedthedoors,thewindows,thewainscot,thedarkclosetaswellasthelightone;andfindingverygoodfasteningstothedoor,andtoallthewindows,Iagainhadrecoursetomypen.
***
Mrs.Sinclairisjustnowgonefromme.Dorcas,shetoldme,hadacquaintedher,thatIhaddismissedherforthenight.ShecametoaskmehowIlikedmyapartment,andtowishmegoodrest.Sheexpressedherconcern,thattheycouldnothavemycompanyatsupper.Mr.Lovelace,shesaid,hadinformedthemofmyloveofretirement.Sheassuredme,
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thatIshouldnotbebrokeninupon.Shehighlyextolledhim,andgavemeashareinthepraiseastoperson.Butwassorry,shesaid,thatshewaslikelytoloseussosoonasMr.Lovelacetalkedof.
Iansweredherwithsuitablecivility;andshewithdrewwithgreattokensofrespect.Withgreater,Ithink,thanshouldbefromdistanceofyears,asshewasthewifeofagentleman;andastheappearanceofeverythingabouther,aswellhouseasdress,carriesthemarksofsuchgoodcircumstances,asrequirenotabasement.
If,mydear,youwillwrite,againstprohibition,bepleasedtodirect,ToMissLaetitiaBeaumont;tobelefttillcalledfor,atMr.Wilson's,inPallMall.
Mr.Lovelaceproposedthisdirectiontome,notknowingofyourdesirethatyourlettersshouldpassbyathirdhand.Ashismotiveforitwas,thatmybrothermightnottraceoutwhereweare,Iamglad,aswellfromthisinstanceasfromothers,thatheseemstothinkhehasdonemischiefenoughalready.
DoyouknowhowmypoorHannahdoes?
Mr.Lovelaceissofullofhiscontrivancesandexpedients,thatIthinkitmaynotbeamisstodesireyoutolookcarefullytothesealsofmy
letters,asIshalltothoseofyours.IfIfindhimbaseinthisparticular,Ishallthinkhimcapableofanyevil;andwillflyhimasmyworstenemy.
LETTERII
MISSHOWE,TOMISSCLARISSAHARLOWE[WITHHERTWOLASTLETTERS,NO.LVIII.LIX.OFVOL.III.,ENCLOSED.]THURSDAYNIGHT,APRIL27.
Ihaveyour's;justbroughtme.Mr.Hickmanhashelpedmetoaluckyexpedient,which,withtheassistanceofthepost,willenablemetocorrespondwithyoueveryday.Anhonesthigler,[SimonCollinshisname,]bywhomIshallsendthis,andthetwoenclosed,(nowIhaveyourdirectionwhither,)goestotownconstantlyonMondays,Wednesdays,andFridays;andcanbringbacktomefromMr.Wilson'swhatyoushallhavecausedtobeleftforme.
Icongratulateyouonyourarrivalintown,somuchamendedinspirits.Imustbebrief.Ihopeyou'llhavenocausetorepentreturningmyNorris.Itisforthcomingondemand.
IamsorryyourHannahcan'tbewithyou.Sheisveryillstill;butnot
dangerously.
Ilongforyouraccountofthewomenyouarewith.Iftheyarenotrightpeople,youwillfindthemoutinonebreakfasting.
Iknownotwhattowriteuponhisreportingtothemthatyouareactuallymarried.Hisreasonsforitareplausible.Buthedelightsinoddexpedientsandinventions.
Whetheryoulikethepeopleornot,donot,byyournoblesincerityand
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plaindealing,makeyourselfenemies.Youareintherealworldnowyouknow.
Iamgladyouhadthoughtsoftakinghimathisoffer,ifhehadre-urgedit.Iwonderhedidnot.Butifhedonotsoon,andinsuchawayasyoucanacceptofit,don'tthinkofstayingwithhim.
Dependuponit,mydear,hewillnotleaveyou,eithernightorday,ifhecanhelpit,nowhehasgotfooting.
Ishouldhaveabhorredhimforhisreportofyourmarriage,hadhenotmadeitwithsuchcircumstancesasleaveitstillinyourpowertokeephimatdistance.Ifonceheofferattheleastfamiliarity--butthisisneedlesstosaytoyou.Hecanhave,Ithink,nootherdesignbutwhatheprofesses;becausehemustneedsthink,thathisreportofbeingmarriedtoyoumustincreaseyourvigilance.
Youmaydependuponmylookingnarrowlyintothesealingsofyourletters.If,asyousay,hebebaseinthatpoint,hewillbesoineverything.Buttoapersonofyourmerit,ofyourfortune,ofyourvirtue,hecannotbebase.Themanisnofool.Itishisinterest,aswellwithregardtohisexpectationsfromhisownfriends,asfromyou,tobehonest.WouldtoHeaven,however,youwerereallymarried!Thisisnowthepredominantwishof
YourANNAHOWE.
LETTERIII
MISSCLARISSAHARLOWE,TOMISSHOWETHURSDAYMORNING,EIGHTO'CLOCK.
IammoreandmoredispleasedwithMr.Lovelace,onreflection,forhis
boldnessinhopingtomakeme,thoughbutpassively,asImaysay,testifytohisgreatuntruth.AndIshalllikehimstilllessforit,ifhisviewinitdoesnotcomeouttobethehopeofacceleratingmyresolutioninhisfavour,bythedifficultyitwilllaymeunderastomybehaviourtohim.HehassentmehiscomplimentsbyDorcas,witharequestthatIwillpermithimtoattendmeinthedining-room,--meethimingoodhumour,ornot:butIhaveanswered,thatasIshallseehimatbreakfast-timeIdesiredtobeexcused.
TENO'CLOCK.
Itriedtoadjustmycountenance,beforeIwentdown,toaneasierair
thanIhadaheart,andwasreceivedwiththehighesttokensofrespectbythewidowandhertwonieces:agreeableyoungwomenenoughintheirpersons;buttheyseemedtoputonanairofreserve;whileMr.Lovelacewaseasyandfreetoall,asifhewereoflongacquaintancewiththem:gracefullyenough,Icannotbutsay;anadvantagewhichtravelledgentlemenhaveoverotherpeople.
Thewidow,intheconversationwehadafterbreakfast,gaveusanaccountofthemilitarymeritoftheColonelherhusband,and,uponthisoccasion,putherhandkerchieftohereyestwiceorthrice.Ihopefor
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thesakeofhersincerity,shewettedit,becauseshewouldbethoughttohavedoneso;butIsawnotthatshedid.ShewishedthatImightneverknowthelossofahusbandsodeartome,asherbelovedColonelwastoher:andsheagainputthehandkerchieftohereyes.
Itmust,nodoubt,beamostaffectingthingtobeseparatedfromagoodhusband,andtobeleftindifficultcircumstancesbesides,andthatnotbyhisfault,andexposedtotheinsultsofthebaseandungrateful,assherepresentedhercasetobeathisdeath.Thismovedmeagooddealinherfavour.
Youknow,mydear,thatIhaveanopenandfreeheart;andnaturallyhaveasopenandfreeacountenance;atleastmycomplimentershavetoldmeso.Atonce,whereIlike,Iminglemindswithoutreserve,encouragingreciprocalfreedoms,andamforwardtodissipatediffidences.ButwiththesetwoniecesofthewidowInevercanbeintimate--Idon'tknowwhy.
Onlythatcircumstances,andwhatpassedinconversation,encouragednotthenotion,orIshouldhavebeenapttothink,thattheyoungladiesandMr.Lovelacewereoflongeracquaintancethanofyesterday.Forhe,bystealthasitwere,castglancessometimesatthem,whentheyreturned;and,onmyocularnotice,theireyesfell,asImaysay,undermyeye,asiftheycouldnotstanditsexamination.
Thewidowdirectedallhertalktome,astoMrs.Lovelace;andI,withaveryillgraceboreit.AndoncesheexpressedmoreforwardlythanIthankedherfor,herwonderthatanyvow,anyconsideration,howeverweighty,couldhaveforceenoughwithsocharmingacouple,asshecalledhimandme,tomakeuskeepseparatebeds.
Theireyes,uponthishint,hadtheadvantageofmine.YetwasInotconsciousofguilt.HowknowIthen,uponrecollection,thatmycensuresupontherearenottoorash?Thereare,nodoubt,manytrulymodestpersons(puttingmyselfoutofthequestion)who,byblushesataninjuriouscharge,havebeensuspected,bythosewhocannotdistinguishbetweentheconfusionwhichguiltwillbeattendedwith,andthenobleconsciousnessthatoverspreadsthefaceofafinespirit,tobethought
butcapableofanimputedevil.
ThegreatRoman,asweread,whotookhissurnamefromonepartinthree(thefourthnotthendiscovered)oftheworldhehadtriumphedover,beingchargedwithagreatcrimetohissoldiery,choserathertosufferexile(thepunishmentduetoit,hadhebeenfoundguilty)thantohaveitsaid,thatScipiowasquestionedinpublic,onsoscandalousacharge.Andthinkyou,mydear,thatScipiodidnotblushwithindignation,whenthechargewasfirstcommunicatedtohim?
Mr.Lovelace,whenthewidowexpressedherforwardwonder,lookedslyandleering,asiftoobservehowItookit:andsaid,theymighttakenoticethathisregardformywillandpleasure(callingmehisdearcreature)
hadgreaterforceuponhimthantheoathbywhichhehadboundhimself.
Rebukingbothhimandthewidow,Isaid,itwasstrangetometohearanoathorvowsolightlytreated,astohaveitthoughtbutofsecondconsideration,whateverwerethefirst.
Theobservationwasjust,MissMartinsaid;forthatnothingcouldexcusethebreakingofasolemnvow,betheoccasionofmakingitwhatitwould.
Iaskedherafterthenearestchurch;forIhavebeentoolongastranger
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tothesacredworship.TheynamedSt.James's,St.Anne's,andanotherinBloomsbury;andthetwoniecessaidtheyoftenestwenttoSt.James'schurch,becauseofthegoodcompany,aswellasfortheexcellentpreaching.
Mr.Lovelacesaid,theRoyalChapelwastheplaceheoftenestwentto,whenhewasintown.Poorman!littledidIexpecttohearhewenttoanyplaceofdevotion.Iasked,ifthepresenceofthevisiblekingof,comparatively,butasmallterritory,didnottakeoff,toogenerally,therequisiteattentiontotheserviceoftheinvisibleKingandMakerofathousandworlds?
Hebelievedthismightbesowithsuchascameforcuriosity,whentheroyalfamilywerepresent.Butotherwise,hehadseenasmanycontritefacesattheRoyalChapel,asanywhereelse:andwhynot?Sincethepeopleaboutcourthaveasdeepscorestowipeoff,asanypeoplewhatsoever.
Hespokethiswithsomuchlevity,thatIcouldnothelpsaying,thatnobodyquestionedbutheknewhowtochoosehiscompany.
Yourservant,mydear,bowing,werehiswords;andturningtothem,youwillobserveuponnumberlessoccasions,ladies,aswearefurtheracquainted,thatmybelovedneversparesmeuponthesetopics.ButI
admireherasmuchinherreproofs,asIamfondofherapprobation.MissHortonsaid,therewasatimeforeverything.Shecouldnotbutsay,thatshethoughtinnocentmirthwasmightybecominginyoungpeople.
Verytrue,joinedinMissMartin.AndShakespearesayswell,thatyouthisthespringoflife,thebloomofgaudyyears[withatheatricalair,shespokeit:]andforherpart,shecouldnotbutadmireinmyspousethatcharmingvivacitywhichsowellsuitedhistimeoflife.
Mr.Lovelacebowed.Themanisfondofpraise.Morefondofit,Idoubt,thanofdeservingit.Yetthissortofpraisehedoesdeserve.Hehas,youknow,aneasyfreemanner,andnobadvoice:andthispraise
soexpandedhisgayheart,thathesungthefollowinglinesfromCongreve,ashetoldustheywere:
Youthdoesathousandpleasuresbring,Whichfromdecrepidagewillfly;Sweetsthatwantoninthebosomofthespring,Inwinter'scoldembracesdie.
Andthisforacompliment,ashesaid,tothetwonieces.Norwasitthrownawayuponthem.Theyencoredit;andhiscompliancefixedtheminmymemory.
Wehadsometalkaboutmeals,andthewidowverycivillyofferedto
conformtoanyrulesIwouldsether.ItoldherhoweasilyIwaspleased,andhowmuchIchosetodinebymyself,andthatfromaplatesentmefromanysingledish.ButIwillnottroubleyou,mydear,withsuchparticulars.
Theythoughtmeverysingular;andwithreason:butasIlikedthemnotsoverywellastoforegomyownchoiceincomplimenttothem,Iwasthelessconcernedforwhattheythought.--Andstilltheless,asMr.Lovelacehadputmeverymuchoutofhumourwithhim.
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They,however,cautionedmeagainstmelancholy.Isaid,IshouldbeaveryunhappycreatureifIcouldnotbearmyowncompany.
Mr.Lovelacesaid,thathemustlettheladiesintomystory,andthentheywouldknowhowtoallowformyways.But,mydear,asyouloveme,saidtheconfidentwretch,giveaslittlewaytomelancholyaspossible.Nothingbutthesweetnessofyourtemper,andyourhighnotionsofadutythatnevercanbedeservedwhereyouplaceit,canmakeyousouneasyasyouare.--Benotangry,mydearlove,forsayingso,[seeingmefrown,Isuppose:]andsnatchedmyhandandkissedit.--Ilefthimwiththem;andretiredtomyclosetandmypen.
JustasIhavewrittenthusfar,Iaminterruptedbyamessagefromhim,thatheissettingoutonajourney,anddesirestotakemycommands.--SohereIwillleaveoff,togivehimameetinginthedining-room.
Iwasnotdispleasedtoseehiminhisriding-dress.
HeseemeddesiroustoknowhowIlikedthegentlewomenbelow.Itoldhim,thatalthoughIdidnotthinkthemveryexceptionable;yetasIwantednot,inmypresentsituation,newacquaintance,Ishouldnotbefondofcultivatingtheirs.
Heurgedmestillfartheronthishead.
Icouldnotsay,Itoldhim,thatIgreatlylikedeitheroftheyounggentlewomen,anymorethantheiraunt:andthat,weremysituationeversohappy,theyhadmuchtoogayaturnforme.
Hedidnotwonder,hesaid,tohearmesayso.Heknewnotanyofthesex,whohadbeenaccustomedtoshowthemselvesatthetowndiversionsandamusements,thatwouldappeartolerabletome.Silencesandblushes,Madam,arenownograceswithourfineladiesintown.Hardenedbyfrequentpublicappearances,theywouldbeasmuchashamedtobefoundguiltyoftheseweaknesses,asmen.
Doyoudefendthesetwogentlewomen,Sir,byreflectionsuponhalfthesex?Butyoumustsecondme,Mr.Lovelace,(andyetIamnotfondofbeingthoughtparticular,)inmydesireofbreakfastingandsupping(whenIdosup)bymyself.
IfIwouldhaveitso,tobesureitshouldbeso.Thepeopleofthehousewerenotofconsequenceenoughtobeapologizedto,inanypointwheremypleasurewasconcerned.AndifIshoulddislikethemstillmoreonfurtherknowledgeofthem,hehopedIwouldthinkofsomeotherlodgings.
Heexpressedagooddealofregretatleavingme,declaring,thatitwas
absolutelyinobediencetomycommands:butthathecouldnothaveconsentedtogo,whilemybrother'sschemeswereonfoot,ifIhadnotdonehimthecreditofmycountenanceinthereporthehadmadethatweweremarried;which,hesaid,hadboundallthefamilytohisinterest,sothathecouldleavemewiththegreatersecurityandsatisfaction.
Hehoped,hesaid,thatonhisreturnIwouldnamehishappyday;andtherather,asImightbeconvinced,bymybrother'sprojects,thatnoreconciliationwastobeexpected.
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Itoldhim,thatperhapsImightwriteonelettertomyuncleHarlowe.Heoncelovedme.IshouldbeeasierwhenIhadmadeonedirectapplication.Imightpossiblyproposesuchterms,inrelationtomygrandfather'sestate,asmightprocuremetheirattention;andIhopedhewouldbelongenoughabsenttogivemetimetowritetohim,andreceiveananswerfromhim.
That,hemustbegmypardon,hecouldnotpromise.HewouldinformhimselfofSingleton'sandmybrother'smotions;andifonhisreturnhefoundnoreasonforapprehension,hewouldgodirectlyforBerks,andendeavourtobringupwithhimhiscousinCharlotte,who,hehoped,wouldinducemetogivehimanearlierdaythanatpresentIseemedtothinkof.--Iseemedtothinkof,mydear,veryacquiescent,asIshouldimagine!
Itoldhim,thatIshouldtakethatyounglady'scompanyforagreatfavour.
Iwasthemorepleasedwiththismotion,asitcamefromhimself,andwithnoillgrace.
Heearnestlypressedmetoacceptofabanknote:butIdeclinedit.AndthenheofferedmehisservantWilliamformyattendantinhisabsence;who,hesaid,mightbedispatchedtohim,ifanythingextraordinaryfell
out.Iconsentedtothat.Hetookhisleaveofmeinthemostrespectfulmanner,onlykissingmyhand.Heleftthebanknote,unobservedbyme,uponthetable.Youmaybesure,Ishallgiveithimbackathisreturn.
IaminamuchbetterhumourwithhimthanIwas.
Wheredoubtsofanypersonareremoved,amindnotungenerousiswilling,bywayofamendsforhavingconceivedthosedoubts,toconstrueeverythingthathappens,capableofagoodinstruction,inthatperson'sfavour.Particularly,Icannotbutbepleasedtoobserve,thatalthoughhespeaksoftheladiesofhisfamilywiththefreedomofrelationship,
yetitisalwaysoftenderness.Andfromaman'skindnesstohisrelationsofthesex,awomanhassomereasontoexpecthisgoodbehaviourtoherself,whenmarried,ifshebewillingtodeserveitfromhim.
Andthus,mydear,amIbroughttositdownsatisfiedwiththisman,whereIfindroomtoinferthatheisnotbynatureasavage.Buthowcouldacreaturewho(treatingherselfunpolitely)gaveamananopportunitytorunawaywithher,expecttobetreatedbythatmanwithaveryhighdegreeofpoliteness?
Butwhy,now,whenfairerprospectsseemtoopen,whythesemelancholyreflections?willmybelovedfriendaskofherClarissa?
Why?Canyouaskwhy,mydearestMissHowe,ofacreature,who,intheworld'seye,hadenrolledhernameamongthegiddyandinconsiderate;wholaboursunderaparent'scurse,andthecrueluncertainties,whichmustarisefromreflecting,that,equallyagainstdutyandprinciple,shehasthrownherselfintothepowerofaman,andthatmananimmoralone?--Mustnotthesenseshehasofherinconsiderationdarkenhermosthopefulprospects?Mustitnotevenrisestrongestuponathoughtfulmind,whenherhopesarethefairest?Evenherpleasures,werethemantoprovebetterthansheexpects,comingtoherwithanabatement,likethatwhich
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personswhoareinpossessionofill-gottenwealthmustthenmostpoignantlyexperience(iftheyhavereflectingandunsearedminds)when,alltheirwishesanswered,(ifanswered,)theysitdowninhopestoenjoywhattheyhaveunjustlyobtained,andfindtheirownreflectionstheirgreatesttorment.
Mayyou,mydearfriend,bealwayshappyinyourreflections,prays
YoureveraffectionateCL.HARLOWE.
***
[Mr.Lovelace,inhisnextletter,triumphsonhishavingcarriedhistwogreatpointsofmakingtheLadyyieldtopassforhiswifetothepeopleofthehouse,andtohistakinguphislodginginit,thoughbutforonenight.Heisnow,hesays,inafairway,anddoubtsnotbutthatheshallsoonprevail,ifnotbypersuasion,bysurprise.Yethepretendstohavesomelittleremorse,andcensureshimselfastoactingthepartofthegrandtempter.Buthavingsucceededthusfar,hecannot,hesays,forbeartrying,accordingtotheresolutionhehadbeforemade,whetherhecannotgofarther.
Hegivestheparticularsoftheirdebatesontheabove-mentionedsubjects,tothesameeffectasintheLady'slastletters.
Itwillbythistimebeseenthathiswholemerit,withregardtotheLady,liesindoingjusticetoherexcellenciesbothofmindandperson,thoughtohisowncondemnation.Thushebeginshissucceedingletter:]
Andnow,Belford,willIgivetheeanaccountofourfirstbreakfast-conversation.
Allsweetlysereneandeasywasthelovelybrowandcharmingaspectofmy
goddess,onherdescendingamongus;commandingreverencefromeveryeye,acourtesyfromeveryknee,andsilence,awfulsilence,fromeveryquiveringlip:whileshe,armedwithconsciousworthinessandsuperiority,lookedandbehavedasanempresswouldlookandbehaveamonghervassals;yetwithafreedomfromprideandhaughtiness,asifborntodignity,andtoabehaviourhabituallygracious.
[Hetakesnoticeofthejealousy,pride,andvanityofSallyMartinandPollyHorton,onhisrespectfulbehaviourtotheLady:creatureswho,broughtuptoohighfortheirfortunes,andtoatasteofpleasure,andthepublicdiversions,hadfallenaneasypreytohisseducingarts(aswillbeseenintheconclusionofthiswork:)andwho,ashe
observed,'hadnotyetgotoverthatdistinctionintheirlove,whichmakesawomanpreferonemantoanother.']
Howdifficultisit,sayshe,tomakeawomansubscribetoapreferenceagainstherself,thougheversovisible;especiallywhereloveisconcerned!Thisviolent,thispartiallittledevil,Sally,hastheinsolencetocompareherselfwithmyangel--yetownshertobeanangel.Ichargeyou,Mr.Lovelace,sayshe,shownoneofyourextravagantactsofkindnessbeforemetothissullen,thisgloomybeauty--Icannotbearit.ThenwasIremindedofherfirstsacrifice.
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Whataroutdothesewomenmakeaboutnothingatall!WereitnotforwhatthelearnedBishop,inhisLetterfromItaly,callstheentanglementsofamour,andIthedelicaciesofintrigue,whatisthere,Belford,inalltheycandoforus?
Howdothesecreaturesendeavourtostimulateme!Afallenwomanisaworsedevilthaneveraprofligateman.Theformerisincapableofremorse:thatamnotI--norevershalltheyprevailuponme,thoughaidedbyallthepowersofdarkness,totreatthisadmirablecreaturewithindignity--sofar,Imean,asindignitycanbeseparatedfromthetrialswhichwillprovehertobeeitherwomanorangel.
YetwiththemIamacraven.Imighthavehadherbeforenow,ifIwould.IfIwouldtreatherasfleshandblood,Ishouldfindhersuch.TheythoughtIknew,ifanymanlivingdid,thatifamanmadeagoddessofawoman,shewouldassumethegoddess;thatifpowerweregiventoher,shewouldexertthatpowertothegiver,iftonobodyelse.AndD----r'swifeisthrownintomydish,who,thouknowest,keptherceremonioushusbandathaughtydistance,andwhinedinprivatetoherinsultingfootman.OhowIcursedtheblasphemouswretches!Theywillmakeme,asItellthem,hatetheirhouse,andremovefromit.Andbymysoul,Jack,IamreadyattimestothinkthatIshouldnothavebroughtherhither,wereitbutonSally'saccount.Andyet,withoutknowing
eitherSally'sheart,orPolly's,thedearcreatureresolvesagainsthavinganyconversationwiththembutsuchasshecanavoid.Iamnotsorryforthis,thoumayestthink;sincejealousyinawomanisnottobeconcealedfromwoman.AndSallyhasnocommandofherself.
Whatdostthink!--HerethislittledevilSally,notbeingable,asshetoldme,tosupportlifeundermydispleasure,wasgoingintoafit:butwhenIsawherpreparingforit,Iwentoutoftheroom;andsoshethoughtitwouldnotbeworthherwhiletoshowaway.
[InthismannerhementionswhathismeaningwasinmakingtheLadythecomplimentofhisabsence:]
Astoleavingher:ifIgobutforonenight,Ihavefulfilledmypromise:andifshethinknot,Icanmutterandgrumble,andyieldagain,andmakeameritofit;andthen,unabletoliveoutofherpresence,soonreturn.Norarewomeneverangryatbottomforbeingdisobeyedthroughexcessoflove.Theylikeanuncontroulablepassion.Theyliketohaveeveryfavourravishedfromthem,andtobeeatenanddrunkquiteupbyavoraciouslover.Don'tIknowthesex?--Notso,indeed,asyet,myClarissa:but,however,withhermyfrequentegresseswillmakemelooknewtoher,andcreatelittlebusyscenesbetweenus.Attheleast,Imaysurely,withoutexception,saluteheratparting,andatreturn;andwillnotthoseoccasionalfreedoms(whichcivilitywillwarrant)bydegreesfamiliarizemycharmertothem?
Buthere,Jack,whatshallIdowithmyuncleandaunts,andallmylovingcousins?ForIunderstandthattheyaremoreinhastetohavememarriedthanIammyself.
LETTERIV
MISSCLARISSAHARLOWE,TOMISSHOWE
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FRIDAY,APRIL28.
Mr.Lovelaceisreturnedalready.Mybrother'sprojectswerehispretence.Icouldnotbutlookuponthisshortabsenceasanevasionofhispromise;especiallyashehadtakensuchprecautionswiththepeoplebelow;andasheknewthatIproposedtokeepclosewithin-doors.Icannotbeartobedealtmeanlywith;andangrilyinsistedthatheshoulddirectlysetoutforBerkshire,inordertoengagehiscousin,ashehadpromised.
Omydearestlife,saidhe,whywillyoubanishmefromyourpresence?IcannotleaveyouforsolongatimeasyouseemtoexpectIshould.IhavebeenhoveringabouttowneversinceIleftyou.EdgwarewasthefarthestplaceIwentto,andthereIwasnotabletostaytwohours,forfear,atthiscrisis,anythingshouldhappen.Whocanaccountfortheworkingsofanapprehensivemind,whenallthatisdearandvaluabletoitisatstake?Youmayspareyourselfthetroubleofwritingtoanyofyourfriends,tillthesolemnityhaspassedthatshallentitlemetogiveweighttoyourapplication.Whentheyknowwearemarried,yourbrother'splotswillbeatanend;andyourfatherandmother,anduncles,mustbereconciledtoyou.Whythenshouldyouhesitateamomenttoconfirmmyhappiness?Why,oncemore,wouldyoubanishmefromyou?Whywillyounotgivethemanwhohasbroughtyouintodifficulties,and
whosohonourablywishestoextricateyoufromthem,thehappinessofdoingso?
Hewassilent.MyvoicefailedtosecondtheinclinationIhadtosaysomethingnotwhollydiscouragingtoapointsowarmlypressed.
I'lltellyou,myangel,resumedhe,whatIproposetodo,ifyouapproveofit.Iwillinstantlygoouttoviewsomeofthehandsomenewsquaresorfinestreetsroundthem,andmakeareporttoyouofanysuitablehouseIfindtobelet.Iwilltakesuchaoneasyoushallchoose,andsetupanequipagebefittingourcondition.Youshalldirectthewhole.Andonsomeearlyday,eitherbefore,orafterwefix,[itmustbeatyourownchoice],bepleasedtomakemethehappiestofmen.Andthen
willeverythingbeinadesirabletrain.Youshallreceiveinyourownhouse(ifitcanbesosoonfurnishedasIwish)thecomplimentsofallmyrelations.Charlotteshallvisityouintheinterim:andifittakeuptime,youshallchoosewhomyouwillhonourwithyourcompany,first,second,orthird,inthesummermonths;andonyourreturnyoushallfindallthatwaswantinginyournewhabitationsupplied,andpleasuresinaconstantroundshallattendus.Omyangel,takemetoyou,insteadofbanishingmefromyou,andmakemeyour'sforever.
Yousee,mydear,thatherewasnodaypressedfor.Iwasnotuneasyaboutthat,andthesoonerrecoveredmyself,astherewasnot.But,however,Igavehimnoreasontoupbraidmeforrefusinghisofferofgoinginsearchofahouse.
Heisaccordinglygoneoutforthispurpose.ButIfindthatheintendstotakeuphislodgingheretonight;andifto-night,nodoubtonothernights,whileheisintown.Asthedoorsandwindowsofmyapartmenthavegoodfastenings;ashehasnot,inallthistime,givenmecauseforapprehension;ashehasthepretenceofmybrother'sschemestoplead;asthepeoplebelowareverycourteousandobliging,MissHortonespecially,whoseemstohavetakenagreatlikingtome,andtobeofagentlertemperandmannersthanMissMartin;andaswearenowinatolerableway;Iimagineitwouldlookparticulartothemall,andbringmeintoa
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debatewithaman,who(lethimbesetuponwhathewill)hasalwaysagreatdealtosayforhimself,ifIweretoinsistuponhispromise:onalltheseaccounts,Ithink,Iwilltakenonoticeofhislodginghere,ifhedon't.--Letmeknow,mydear,yourthoughtsofeverything.
YoumaybelieveIgavehimbackhisbanknotethemomentIsawhim.
FRIDAYEVENING.
Mr.Lovelacehasseentwoorthreehouses,butnonetohismind.Buthehasheardofonewhichlookspromising,hesays,andwhichheistoinquireaboutinthemorning.
SATURDAYMORNING.
Hehasmadehisinquiries,andactuallyseenthehousehewastoldoflastnight.Theownerofitisayoungwidowlady,whoisinconsolableforthedeathofherhusband;Fretchvillehername.Itisfurnishedquiteintaste,everythingbeingnewwithinthesesixmonths.Hebelieves,ifIlikenotthefurniture,theuseofitmaybeagreedfor,withthehouse,foratimecertain:but,ifIlikeit,hewillendeavourtotaketheone,andpurchasetheother,directly.
Theladyseesnobody;norarethebestapartmentsabove-stairstobeviewed,tillsheiseitherabsent,orgoneintothecountry;whichshetalksofdoinginafortnight,orthreeweeks,atfarthest,andtolivethereretired.
WhatMr.Lovelacesawofthehouse(whichwerethesaloonandtwoparlours)wasperfectlyelegant;andhewasassuredallisofapiece.Theofficesarealsoveryconvenient;coach-houseandstablesathand.
Heshallbeveryimpatient,hesays,tillIseethewhole;norwillhe,ifhefindshecanhaveit,lookfarthertillIhaveseenit,exceptanythingelseoffertomyliking.Thepricehevaluesnot.
Henowdoesnothingbuttalkoftheceremony,butnotindeedoftheday.Idon'twanthimtourgethat--butIwonderhedoesnot.
HehasjustnowreceivedaletterfromLadyBettyLawrance,byaparticularhand;thecontentsprincipallyrelatingtoanaffairshehasinchancery.Butinthepostscriptsheispleasedtosayveryrespectfulthingsofme.
Theyareallimpatient,shesays,forthehappydaybeingover;whichtheyflatterthemselveswillensurehisreformation.
Hehoped,hetoldme,thatIwouldsoonenablehimtoanswertheirwishes
andhisown.
But,mydear,althoughtheopportunitywassoinviting,heurgednotfortheday.Whichisthemoreextraordinary,ashewassopressingformarriagebeforewecametotown.
Hewasveryearnestwithmetogivehim,andfourofhisfriends,mycompanyonMondayevening,atalittlecollation.MissMartinandMissHortoncannot,hesays,bethere,beingengagedinapartyoftheirown,withtwodaughtersofColonelSolcombe,andtwoniecesofSirAnthony
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Holmes,uponanannualoccasion.ButMrs.Sinclairwillbepresent,andshegavehimhopeofthecompanyofayoungladyofverygreatfortuneandmerit(MissPartington),anheiresstowhomColonelSinclair,itseems,inhislifetimewasguardian,andwhothereforecallsMrs.SinclairMamma.
Idesiredtobeexcused.Hehadlaidme,Isaid,underamostdisagreeablenecessityofappearingasamarriedperson,andIwouldseeasfewpeopleaspossiblewhoweretothinkmeso.
Hewouldnoturgeit,hesaid,ifIweremuchaverse:buttheywerehisselectfriends;menofbirthandfortune,wholongedtoseeme.Itwastrue,headded,thatthey,aswellashisfriendDoleman,believedweweremarried:buttheythoughthimundertherestrictionsthathehadmentionedtothepeoplebelow.Imightbeassured,hetoldme,thathispolitenessbeforethemshouldbecarriedintothehighestdegreeofreverence.
Whenheissetuponanything,thereisnoknowing,asIhavesaidheretofore,whatonecando.*ButIwillnot,ifIcanhelpit,bemadeashowof;especiallytomenofwhosecharacterandprinciplesIhavenogoodopinion.Iam,mydearestfriend,
Youreveraffectionate
CL.HARLOWE.
*SeeLetterI.ofthisvolume.SeealsoVol.II.LetterXX.
***
[Mr.Lovelace,inhisnextletter,givesanaccountofhisquickreturn:ofhisreasonstotheLadyforit:ofherdispleasureuponit:andofherurginghisabsencefromthesafetyshewasinfromthesituationofthehouse,exceptsheweretobetracedoutbyhisvisits.]
Iwasconfoundedlypuzzled,sayshe,onthisoccasion,andonherinsistingupontheexecutionofatoo-readyofferwhichImadehergodowntoBerks,tobringupmycousinCharlottetovisitandattendher.Imademiserableexcuses;andfearingthattheywouldbemortallyresented,asherpassionbegantoriseuponmysayingCharlottewasdelicate,whichshetookstrangelywrong,Iwasobligedtoscreenmyselfbehindthemostsolemnandexplicitdeclarations.
[Hethenrepeatsthosedeclarations,tothesameeffectwiththeaccountshegivesofthem.]
Ibegan,sayshe,withanintentiontokeepmylifeofhonourinview,inthedeclarationImadeher;but,asithasbeensaidofacertainoratorintheHouseofCommons,whomorethanonce,inalongspeech,convincedhimselfashewentalong,andconcludedagainstthesidehesetoutintendingtofavour,soIinearnestpressedwithoutreserveformatrimonyintheprogressofmyharangue,whichstateIlittlethoughtofurginguponherwithsomuchstrengthandexplicitness.
[Hethenvalueshimselfuponthedelaythathisproposaloftakingand
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furnishingahousemustoccasion.
Hewaversinhisresolutionswhethertoacthonourableornotbyameritsoexalted.
Hevalueshimselfuponhisowndelicacy,inexpressinghisindignationagainstherfriends,forsupposingwhathepretendshisheartrisesagainstthemforpresumingtosuppose.]
ButhaveInotreason,sayshe,tobeangrywithherfornotpraisingmeforthismydelicacy,whensheissoreadytocallmetoaccountfortheleastfailureinpunctilio?--However,IbelieveIcanexcusehertoo,uponthisgenerousconsideration,[forgenerousIamsureitis,becauseitisagainstmyself,]thathermindbeingtheessenceofdelicacy,theleastwantofitshocksher;whilethemeetingwithwhatissoveryextraordinarytome,istoofamiliartohertoobtainhernotice,asanextraordinary.
[Hegloriesinthestoryofthehouse,andoftheyoungwidowpossessorofit,Mrs.Fretchvillehecallsher;andleavesitdoubtfultoMr.Belford,whetheritbearealorafictitiousstory.
Hementionshisdifferentproposalsinrelationtotheceremony,whichhe
soearnestlypressedfor;andownshisartfulintentioninavoidingtonametheday.]
Andnow,sayshe,Ihopesoontohaveanopportunitytobeginmyoperations;sinceallishalcyonandsecurity.
Itisimpossibletodescribethedearcreature'ssweetandsilentconfusion,whenItoucheduponthematrimonialtopics.
Shemaydoubt.Shemayfear.Thewiseinallimportantcaseswilldoubt,andwillfear,tilltheyaresure.Butherapparentwillingnesstothinkwellofaspiritsoinventive,andsomachinating,isahappyprognosticforme.Othesereasoningladies!--HowIlovethesereasoning
ladies!--'Tisalloverwiththem,whenoncelovehascreptintotheirhearts:forthenwilltheyemployalltheirreasoningpowerstoexcuseratherthantoblametheconductofthedoubtedlover,letappearancesagainsthimbeeversostrong.
Mowbray,Belton,andTourville,longtoseemyangel,andwillbethere.Shehasrefusedme;butmustbepresentnotwithstanding.Sogenerousaspiritasmineiscannotenjoyitshappinesswithoutcommunication.IfIraisenotyourenvyandadmirationbothatonce,buthalf-joywillbethejoyofhavingsuchacharmingflyentangledinmyweb.Shethereforemustcomply.Andthoumustcome.AndthenwillshowtheetheprideandgloryoftheHarlowefamily,myimplacableenemies;andthoushaltjoinwithmeinmytriumphoverthemall.
Iknownotwhatmaystillbetheperversebeauty'sfate:Iwantthee,therefore,toseeandadmireher,whilesheissereneandfullofhope:beforeherapprehensionsarerealized,ifrealizedtheyaretobe;andifevilapprehensionsofmeshereallyhas;beforeherbeamyeyeshavelosttheirlustre;whileyethercharmingfaceissurroundedwithallitsvirginglories;andbeforetheploughofdisappointmenthasthrownupfurrowsofdistressuponeverylovelyfeature.
IfIcanprocureyouthishonouryouwillbereadytolaughout,asI
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haveoftenmuchadotoforbear,atthepuritanicalbehaviourofthemotherbeforethislady.Notanoath,notacurse,northeleastfreeword,escapesherlips.Shemincesinhergait.Sheprimsupherhorse-mouth.Hervoice,which,whenshepleases,isthevoiceofthunder,issunkintoanhumblewhine.Herstiffhams,thathavenotbeenbenttoacivilityfortenyearspast,arenowlimberedintocourtesiesthreedeepateverword.Herfatarmsarecrossedbeforeher;andshecanhardlybeprevailedupontositinthepresenceofmygoddess.
IamdrawingupinstructionsforyealltoobserveonMondaynight.
SATURDAYNIGHT.
Mostconfoundedlyalarmed!--Lord,Sir,whatdoyouthink?criedDorcas--Myladyisresolvedtogotochurchto-morrow!Iwasatquadrillewiththewomenbelow.--Tochurch!saidI,anddownIlaidmycards.Tochurch!repeatedthey,eachlookingupontheother.Wehaddoneplayingforthatnight.
Whocouldhavedreamtofsuchawhimasthis?--Withoutnotice,withoutquestions!Herclothesnotcome!Noleaveasked!--Impossiblesheshouldthinkofbeingmywife!--Besides,shedon'tconsider,ifshegoto
church,Imustgotoo!--Yetnottoaskformycompany!HerbrotherandSingletonreadytosnapherup,asfarassheknows!--Knownbyherclothes--herperson,herfeatures,sodistinguished!--NotsuchanotherwomaninEngland!--Tochurchofallplaces!Isthedevilinthegirl?saidI,assoonasIcouldspeak.
Well,buttoleavethissubjecttillto-morrowmorning,IwillnowgiveyoutheinstructionsIhavedrawnupforyour'sandyourcompanions'behaviouronMondaynight.
***
InstructionstobeobservedbyJohnBelford,RichardMowbray,ThomasBelton,andJamesTourville,EsquiresoftheBodytoGeneralRobertLovelace,ontheiradmissiontothepresenceofhisGoddess.
Yemustbesuretoletitsinkdeepintoyourheavyheads,thatthereisnosuchladyintheworldasMissClarissaHarlowe;andthatsheisneithermorenorlessthanMrs.Lovelace,thoughatpresent,tomyshamebeitspoken,avirgin.
Bemindfulalso,thatyouroldmother'sname,afterthatofhermotherwhenamaid,isSinclair:thatherhusbandwasalieutenant-colonel,andallthatyou,Belford,knowfromhonestDoleman'sletterofher,*that
letyourbrethrenknow.
*SeeLetterXXXVIII.Vol.III.
MowbrayandTourville,thetwogreatestblunderersofthefour,Iallowtobeacquaintedwiththewidowandnieces,fromtheknowledgetheyhadofthecolonel.Theywillnotforbearfamiliaritiesofspeechtothemother,asoflongeracquaintancethanaday.SoIhavesuitedtheir
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partstotheircapacities.
Theymaypraisethewidowandthecolonelforpeopleofgreathonour--butnottoogrossly;nortolabourthepointsoastorenderthemselvessuspected.
Themotherwillleadyeintoherownandthecolonel'spraises!andTourvilleandMowbraymaybebothhervouchers--I,andyou,andBelton,mustbeonlyhearsayconfirmers.
Aspovertyisgenerallysuspectible,thewidowmustbegothandsomelyaforehand;andnodoubtbutsheis.Theeleganceofherhouseandfurniture,andherreadinesstodischargealldemandsuponher,whichshedoeswithostentationenough,andwhichmakesherneighbours,Isuppose,likeherthebetter,demonstratethis.Shewillproposetodohandsomethingsbyhertwonieces.Sallyisnearmarriage--withaneminentwoollen-draperintheStrand,ifyehaveamindtoit;fortherearefiveorsixofthemthere.
Theniecesmaybeinquiredafter,sincetheywillbeabsent,aspersonsrespectedbyMowbrayandTourville,fortheirlateworthyuncle'ssake.
Watchyediligentlyeveryturnofmycountenance,everymotionofmyeye;forinmyeye,andinmycountenancewillyefindasovereignregulator.
Ineednotbidyourespectmemightily:yourallegianceobligesyoutothat:Andwhothatseesme,respectsmenot?
PriscillaPartington(forherlookssoinnocent,anddiscretionsodeep,yetseemingsosoftly)maybegreatlyreliedupon.Shewillaccompanythemother,gorgeouslydressed,withallherJew'sextravaganceflamingoutuponher;andfirstinduce,thencountenance,thelady.Shehashercue,andIhopewillmakeheracquaintancecovetedbymycharmer.
MissPartington'shistoryisthis:thedaughterofColonelSinclair'sbrother-in-law:thatbrother-in-lawmayhavebeenaTurkey-merchant,oranymerchant,whodiedconfoundedlyrich:thecoloneloneofherguardians[collateralcreditinthattotheoldone:]whenceshealways
callsMrs.SinclairMamma,thoughnotsucceedingtothetrust.
Sheisjustcometopassadayortwo,andthentoreturntohersurvivingguardian'satBarnet.
MissPartingtonhassuitorsalittlehundred(hergrandmother,analderman'sdowager,havingleftheragreatadditionalfortune,)andisnottrustedoutofherguardian'shousewithoutanoldgovernante,notedfordiscretion,excepttoherMammaSinclair,withwhomnow-and-thensheispermittedtobeforaweektogether.
Pris.willMamma-upMrs.Sinclair,andwillundertaketocourtherguardiantoletherpassadelightfulweekwithher--SirEdwardHoldenhe
mayaswellbe,ifyourshallowpateswillnotbecloggedwithtoomanycircumstantials.LadyHolden,perhaps,willcomewithher;forshealwaysdelightedinherMammaSinclair'scompany,andtalksofher,andhergoodmanagement,twentytimesaday.
Beitprincipallythypart,Jack,whoartaparadingfellow,andaimestatwisdom,tokeepthybrother-varletsfromblundering;for,asthoumusthaveobservedfromwhatIhavewritten,wehavethemostwatchfulandmostpenetratingladyintheworldtodealwith;aladyworthdeceiving!butwhoseeyeswillpiecetothebottomofyourshallowsoulsthemoment
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shehearsyouopen.DoyouthereforeplacethyselfbetweenMowbrayandTourville:theirtoestobeplayeduponandcommandedbythine,iftheygowrong:thyelbowstobetheministersofapprobation.
Astoyourgeneralbehaviour;nohypocrisy!--Ihateit:sodoesmycharmer.IfIhadstudiedforit,IbelieveIcouldhavebeenanhypocrite:butmygeneralcharacterissowellknown,thatIshouldhavebeensuspectedatonce,hadIaimedatmakingmyselftoowhite.Butwhatnecessitycantherebeforhypocrisy,unlessthegeneralityofthesexweretorefuseusforourimmoralities?Thebestofthemlovetohavethecreditforreformingus.Letthesweetsoulstryforit:iftheyfail,theirintentwasgood.Thatwillbeaconsolationtothem.Andastous,ourworkwillbetheeasier;oursinsthefewer:sincetheywilldrawthemselvesinwithaverylittleofourhelp;andweshallsaveaparcelofcursedfalsehoods,andappeartobewhatwearebothtoangelsandmen.--Meantimetheirverygrandmotherswillacquitus,andreproachthemwiththeirself-do,self-have,andashavingerredagainstknowledge,andventuredagainstmanifestappearances.Whatfolly,therefore,formenofourcharactertobehypocrites!
Besuretoinstructtherest,anddothouthyselfremember,nottotalkobscenely.YouknowIneverpermittedanyofyoutotalkobscenely.Timeenoughforthat,whenyegrowold,andcanONLYtalk.Besides,yemustconsiderPrisc.'saffectedcharacter,mygoddess'srealone.Far
fromobscenity,therefore,donotsomuchastouchuponthedoubleentendre.What!asIhaveoftensaid,cannotyoutouchalady'sheartwithoutwoundingherear?
Itisnecessarythatyeshouldappearworsementhanmyself.Youcannothelpappearingso,you'llsay.Well,then,therewillbethelessrestraintuponyou--thelessrestraint,thelessaffectation.--AndifBeltonbeginshisfavouritesubjectinbehalfofkeeping,itmaymakemetakeuponmyselftoopposehim:butfearnot;Ishallnotgivetheargumentallmyforce.
Shemusthavesomecuriosity,Ithink,toseewhatsortofmenmycompanionsare:shewillnotexpectanyofyoutobesaints.Areyou
notmenborntoconsiderablefortunes,althoughyearenotallofyoumenofparts?Whoisitinthismortallifethatwealthdoesnotmislead?Andasitgivespeoplethepowerofbeingmischievous,doesitnotrequiregreatvirtuetoforbeartheuseofthatpower?Isnotthedevilsaidtobethegodofthisworld?Arewenotchildrenofthisworld?Well,then!letmetelltheemyopinion--Itisthis,thatwereitnotforthepoorandthemiddling,theworldwouldprobably,longago,havebeendestroyedbyfirefromHeaven.Ungratefulwretchestherest,thouwiltbeapttosay,tomakesuchsorryreturns,astheygenerallydomake,tothepoorandthemiddling!
Thisdearladyisprodigiouslylearnedintheories.Butastopractices,astoexperimentals,mustbe,asyouknowfromhertenderyears,amere
novice.Tillsheknewme,Idaresay,shedidnotbelieve,whatevershehadread,thatthereweresuchfellowsintheworld,asshewillseeinyoufour.Ishallhavemuchpleasureinobservinghowshe'llstareathercompany,whenshefindsmethepolitestmanofthefive.
AndsomuchforinstructionsgeneralandparticularforyourbehaviouronMondaynight.
Andletmeadd,thatyoumustattendtoeveryminutecircumstance,whetheryouthinktherebereasonforit,ornot.Deep,likegoldenore,
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frequentlyliesmymeaning,andrichlyworthdiggingfor.Thehintofleastmoment,asyoumayimagineit,isoftenpregnantwitheventsofthegreatest.Beimplicit.AmInotyourgeneral?DidIeverleadyouonthatIbroughtyounotoffwithsafetyandsuccess?--Sometimestoyourownstupidastonishment.
Andnow,methinks,thouartcurioustoknow,whatcanbemyviewinrisquingthedispleasureofmyfair-one,andalarmingherfears,afterfourorfivehalcyondayshavegoneoverourheads?I'llsatisfythee.
Thevisitersofthetwonieceswillcrowdthehouse.--Bedswillbescarce:--MissPartington,asweet,modest,genteelgirl,willbeprodigiouslytakenwithmycharmer;--willwanttobeginafriendshipwithher--ashareinherbed,foronenightonly,willberequested.Whoknows,butonthatveryMondaynightImaybesounhappyastogivemortaloffencetomybeloved?Theshyestbirdsmaybecaughtnapping.Shouldsheattempttoflymeuponit,cannotIdetainher?Shouldsheactuallyfly,cannotIbringherback,byauthorityciviloruncivil,ifIhaveevidenceuponevidencethatsheacknowledged,thoughbuttacitly,hermarriage?AndshouldI,orshouldInotsucceed,andsheforgiveme,orifshebutdescendtoexpostulate,orifshebearmeinhersight,thenwillshebeallmyown.Alldelicacyismycharmer.Ilongtoseehowsuchadelicacy,onanyoftheseoccasions,willbehave,andinmysituationitbehovesmetoprovideagainsteveryaccident.
Imusttakecare,knowingwhataneelIhavetodowith,thatthelittlerigglingroguedoesnotslipthroughmyfingers.HowsillyshouldIlook,staringafterher,whenshehadshotfrommeintothemuddyriver,herfamily,fromwhichwithsomuchdifficultyIhavetakenher!
Wellthen,hereare--letmesee--Howmanypersonsaretherewho,afterMondaynight,willbeabletoswearthatshehasgonebymyname,answeredtomyname,hadnootherviewinleavingherfriendsbuttogobymyname?herownrelationsneitherablenorwillingtodenyit.--First,herearemyservants,herservant,Dorcas,Mrs.Sinclair,Mrs.Sinclair'stwonieces,andMissPartington.
Butforfeartheseevidencesshouldbesuspected,herecomesthejetofthebusiness--'Nolessthanfourworthygentlemenoffortuneandfamily,whowereallincompanysuchanightparticularly,atacollationtowhichtheywereinvitedbyRobertLovelace,ofSandoun-hall,inthecountyofLancaster,esquire,incompanywithMagdalenSinclair,widow,andPriscillaPartington,spinster,andtheladycomplainant,whenthesaidRobertLovelaceaddressedhimselftothesaidlady,onamultitudeofoccasions,ashiswife;astheyandothersdid,asMrs.Lovelace;everyonecomplimentingandcongratulatingheruponhernuptials;andthatshereceivedsuchtheircomplimentsandcongratulationswithnoothervisibledispleasureorrepugnance,thansuchasayoungbride,fullofblushesandprettyconfusion,mightbesupposedtoexpressuponsuchcontemplativerevolvingsasthosecomplimentswouldnaturallyinspire.'
Nordothouraveatme,Jack,norrebel.DostthinkIbroughtthedearcreaturehitherfornothing?
Andhere'safaintsketchofmyplot.--Standby,varlets--tanta-ra-ra-ra!--Veilyourbonnets,andconfessyourmaster!
LETTERV
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MR.LOVELACE,TOJOHNBELFORD,ESQ.SUNDAY.
Havebeenatchurch,Jack--behavedadmirablywelltoo!Mycharmerispleasedwithmenow:forIwasexceedinglyattentivetothediscourse,andveryreadyintheauditor'spartoftheservice.--Eyesdidnotmuchwander.Howcouldthey,whentheloveliestobject,infinitelytheloveliestinthewholechurch,wasinmyview!
Dearcreature!howfervent,howamiable,inherdevotions!Ihavegothertoownthatsheprayedforme.Ihopeaprayerfromsoexcellentamindwillnotbemadeinvain.
Thereis,afterall,somethingbeautifullysolemnindevotion.TheSabbathisacharminginstitutiontokeeptheheartright,whenitisright.Onedayinseven,howreasonable!--IthinkI'llgotochurchonceadayoften.Ifancyitwillgoagreatwaytowardsmakingmeareformedman.Toseemultitudesofwell-appearingpeoplealljoininginonereverendact.Anexercisehowworthyofarationalbeing!Yetitaddsastingortwotomyformerstings,whenIthinkofmyprojectswithregardtothischarmingcreature.Inmyconscience,Ibelieve,ifIweretogoconstantlytochurch,Icouldnotpursuethem.
Ihadaschemecomeintomyheadwhilethere;butIwillrenounceit,becauseitobtrudeditselfuponmeinsogoodaplace.Excellentcreature!Howmanyruinshasshepreventedbyattachingmetoherself--byengrossingmywholeattention.
Butletmetelltheewhatpassedbetweenusinmyfirstvisitofthismorning;andthenIwillacquainttheemorelargelywithmygoodbehaviouratchurch.
Icouldnotbeadmittedtillaftereight.Ifoundherreadypreparedtogoout.Ipretendedtobeignorantofherintention,havingchargedDorcasnottoownthatshehadtoldmeofit.
Goingabroad,Madam?--withanairofindifference.
Yes,Sir:Iintendtogotochurch.
Ihope,Madam,Ishallhavethehonourtoattendyou.
No:shedesignedtotakeachair,andgotothenextchurch.
Thisstartledme:--AchairtocarryhertothenextchurchfromMrs.Sinclair's,herrightnamenotSinclair,andtobringherbackhitherinthefaceofpeoplewhomightnotthinkwellofthehouse!--Therewasnopermittingthat.YetIwastoappearindifferent.Butsaid,Ishouldtakeitforafavour,ifshewouldpermitmetoattendherinacoach,as
therewastimeforit,toSt.Paul's.
Shemadeobjectionstothegaietyofmydress;andtoldme,thatifshewenttoSt.Paul's,shecouldgoinacoachwithoutme.
IobjectedSingletonandherbrother,andofferedtodressintheplainestsuitIhad.
Ibegthefavourofattendingyou,dearMadam,saidI.Ihavenotbeenatchurchagreatwhile;weshallsitindifferentstalls,andthenext
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timeIgo,IhopeitwillbetogivemyselfatitletothegreatestblessingIcanreceive.
Shemadesomefurtherobjections:butatlastpermittedmethehonourofattendingher.
Igotmyselfplacedinhereye,thatthetimemightnotseemtedioustome,forwewerethereearly.AndIgainedhergoodopinion,asImentionedabove,bymybehaviour.
Thesubjectofthediscoursewasparticularenough:Itwasaboutaprophet'sstoryorparableofanewe-lambtakenbyarichmanfromapoorone,whodearlylovedit,andwhoseonlycomfortitwas:designedtostrikeremorseintoDavid,onhisadulterywithUriah'swifeBathsheba,andhismurderofthehusband.Thesewomen,Jack,havebeentheoccasionofallmannerofmischieffromthebeginning!Now,whenDavid,fullofindignation,swore[KingDavidwouldswear,Jack:ButhowshouldstthouknowwhoKingDavidwas?--ThestoryisintheBible,]thattherichmanshouldsurelydie;Nathan,whichwastheprophet'sname,andagoodingeniousfellow,criedout,(whichwerethewordsofthetext,)Thouarttheman!BymysoulIthoughttheparsonlookeddirectlyatme;andatthatmomentIcastmyeyefullonmyewe-lamb.--ButImusttelltheetoo,that,thatIthoughtagooddealofmyRosebud.--AbettermanthanKingDavid,inthatpoint,however,thoughtI!
Whenwecamehomewetalkeduponthesubject;andIshowedmycharmermyattentiontothediscourse,bylettingherknowwheretheDoctormadethemostofhissubject,andwhereitmighthavebeentouchedtogreateradvantage:foritisreallyaveryaffectingstory,andhasasprettyacontrivanceinitaseverIread.AndthisIdidinsuchagraveway,thatsheseemedmoreandmorepleasedwithme;andIhavenodoubt,thatIshallgethertofavourmeto-morrownightwithhercompanyatmycollation.
SUNDAYEVENING.
WealldinedtogetherinMrs.Sinclair'sparlour:--Allexcessivelyright!Thetwonieceshavetoppedtheirparts--Mrs.Sinclairher's.Neverwassoeasyasnow!--'Shereallythoughtalittleoddlyofthesepeopleatfirst,shesaid!Mrs.Sinclairseemedveryforbidding!Hernieceswerepersonswithwhomshecouldnotwishtobeacquainted.Butreallyweshouldnotbetoohastyinourcensures.Somepeopleimproveuponus.Thewidowseemstolerable.'Shewentnofartherthantolerable.--'MissMartinandMissHortonareyoungpeopleofgoodsense,andhavereadagreatdeal.WhatMissMartinparticularlysaidofmarriage,andofherhumbleservant,wasverysolid.Shebelieveswithsuchnotionsshecannotmakeabadwife.'IhavesaidSally'shumbleservantisawoolen-draperofgreatreputation;andsheissoontobemarried.
Ihavebeenlettingherintothycharacter,andintothecharactersofmyotherthreeesquires,inhopestoexcitehercuriositytoseeyouto-morrownight.Ihavetoldhersomeoftheworst,aswellasbestpartsofyourcharacters,inordertoexaltmyself,andtoobviateanysuddensurprizes,aswellastoteachherwhatsortofmenshemayexpecttosee,ifshewillobligemewithhercompany.
Byherafter-observationuponeachofyou,IshalljudgewhatImayormaynotdotoobtainorkeephergoodopinion;whatshewilllike,orwhatnot;andsopursuetheoneoravoidtheother,asIseeproper.So,
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whilesheispenetratingintoyourshallowheads,Ishallenterherheart,andknowwhattobidmyowntohopefor.
Thehouseistobetakeninthreeweeks.--Allwillbeoverinthreeweeks,orbadwillbemyluck!--Whoknowsbutinthreedays?--HaveInotcarriedthatgreatpointofmakingherpassformywifetothepeoplebelow?Andthatothergreatone,offixingmyselfherenightandday?--Whatwomaneverescapedme,wholodgedunderoneroofwithme?--Thehousetoo,THEhouse;thepeople--peopleaftermyownheart;herservants,Will.andDorcas,bothmyservants.--Threedays,didIsay!Pho!Pho!Pho!--threehours!
***
Ihavecarriedmythirdpoint:butsoextremelytothedislikeofmycharmer,thatIhavebeenthreatened,forsufferingMissPartingtontobeintroducedtoherwithoutherleave.Whichlaidherunderanecessitytodenyorcomplywiththeurgentrequestofsofineayounglady;whohadengagedtohonourmeatmycollation,onconditionthatmybelovedwouldbepresentatit.
Tobeobligedtoappearbeforemyfriendsaswhatshewasnot!Shewas
forinsisting,thatIshouldacquaintthewomenherewiththetruthofthematter;andnotgoonpropagatingstoriesforhertocountenance,makingherasharerinmyguilt.
Butwhatpointswillnotperseverancecarry?especiallywhenitiscoveredoverwiththefaceofyieldingnow,and,Parthian-like,returningtothechargeanon.Donotthesexcarryalltheirpointswiththeirmenbythesamemethods?HaveIconversedwiththemsofreelyasIhavedone,andlearntnothingofthem?Didstthoueverknowthatawoman'sdenialofanyfavour,whethertheleastorthegreatest,thatmyheartwassetupon,stoodherinanystead?Themoreperverseshe,themoresteadyI--thatismyrule.
Butthepointthussomuchagainstherwillcarried,Idoubtthouwillseeinhermoreofasullenthanofanobligingcharmer:for,whenMissPartingtonwaswithdrawn,'WhatwasMissPartingtontoher?Inhersituationshewantednonewacquaintances.Andwhatweremyfourfriendstoherinherpresentcircumstances?Shewouldassureme,ifeveragain'--Andthereshestopped,withatwirlofherhand.
Whenwemeet,Iwill,inherpresence,tippingtheeawink,showtheethemotion,foritwasaveryprettyone.Quitenew.YethaveIseenanhundredprettypassionatetwirlstoo,inmytime,fromotherfair-ones.Howuniversallyengagingisittoputawomanofsense,towhomamanisnotmarried,inapassion,letthereceptiongiventoeveryrantingsceneinourplaystestify.Takecare,mycharmer,nowthouartcometo
delightmewiththyangrytwirls,thatthoutemptestmenottoprovokeavarietyofthemfromone,whoseeverymotion,whoseeveryair,carriesinitsomuchsenseandsoul.
But,angryorpleased,thischarmingcreaturemustbeallloveliness.Herfeaturesareallharmony,andmadeforoneanother.Nootherfeaturecouldbesubstitutedintheplaceofanyoneofher'sbutmostabateofherperfection:AndthinkyouthatIdonotlongtohaveyouropinionofmyfairprize?
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Ifyoulovetoseefeaturesthatglow,thoughtheheartisfrozen,andneveryetwasthawed;ifyoulovefinessense,andadagesflowingthroughteethofivoryandlipsofcoral;aneyethatpenetratesallthings;avoicethatisharmonyitself;anairofgrandeur,mingledwithasweetnessthatcannotbedescribed;apolitenessthat,ifeverequaled,wasneverexcelled--you'llseealltheseexcellencies,andtentimesmore,inthismyGLORIANA.
Markhermajesticfabric!--She'satemple,Sacredbybirth,andbuiltbyhandsdivine;Hersoulthedeitythatlodgesthere:Noristhepileunworthyofthegod.
Or,todescribeherinasofterstylewithRowe,
Thebloomofop'ningflow'rs,unsully'dbeauty,Softness,andsweetestinnocenceshewears,Andlookslikenatureintheworld'sfirstspring.
Adieu,varletsfour!--Atsix,onMondayevening,Iexpectyeall.
LETTERVI
MISSCLARISSAHARLOWE,TOMISSHOWESUNDAY,APRIL30.
[Mr.Lovelace,inhislastletters,havingtakennoticeofthemostmaterialpassagescontainedinthisletter,thefollowingextractsfromitareonlyinserted.
Shegivesprettynearthesameaccountthathedoesofwhatpassedbetweenthemonherresolutiontogotochurch;andofhisproposalofSt.Paul's,anddesireofattendingher.--Shepraiseshisgoodbehaviourthere;asalsothediscourse,andthepreacher.--Ispleased
withitsseasonableness.--Givesparticularsoftheconversationbetweenthemafterwards,andcommendsthegoodobservationshemakesuponthesermon.]
Iamwilling,saysshe,tohavehopesofhim:butamsounabletoknowhowtodependuponhisseriousnessforanhourtogether,thatallmyfavourableaccountsofhiminthisrespectmustbetakenwithallowance.
Beingverymuchpressed,Icouldnottellhowtorefusediningwiththewidowandherniecesthisday.IambetterpleasedwiththemthanIeverthoughtIshouldbe.Icannothelpblamingmyselfformyreadinesstogiveseverecensureswherereputationisconcerned.People'sways,humours,constitutions,education,andopportunitiesallowedfor,my
dear,manypersons,asfarasIknow,mayappearblameless,whomothers,ofdifferenthumoursandeducations,aretooapttoblame;andwho,fromthesamefault,maybeasreadytoblamethem.Iwillthereforemakeitaruletomyselfforthefuture--Nevertojudgeperemptorilyonfirstappearances:butyetImustobservethatthesearenotpeopleIshouldchoosetobeintimatewith,orwhosewaysIcanlike:although,forthestationstheyarein,theymaygothroughtheworldwithtolerablecredit.
Mr.Lovelace'sbehaviourhasbeensuchasmakesmecallthis,sofaras
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itispassed,anagreeableday.Yet,wheneasiestastohim,mysituationwithmyfriendstakesplaceinmythoughts,andcausesmemanyatear.
Iamthemorepleasedwiththepeopleofthehouse,becauseofthepersonsofranktheyareacquaintedwith,andwhovisitsthem.
SUNDAYEVENING.
IamstillwellpleasedwithMr.Lovelace'sbehaviour.Wehavehadagooddealofseriousdiscoursetogether.Themanhasreallyjustandgoodnotions.Heconfesseshowmuchheispleasedwiththisday,andhopesformanysuch.Nevertheless,heingenuouslywarnedme,thathisunluckyvivacitymightreturn:but,hedoubtednot,thatheshouldbefixedatlastbymyexampleandconversation.
Hehasgivenmeanentertainingaccountofthefourgentlemenheistomeetto-morrownight.--Entertaining,Imeanforhishumourousdescriptionoftheirpersons,manners,&c.butsuchadescriptionasisfarfrombeingtotheirpraise.Yetheseemedrathertodesigntodivertmymelancholybyitthantodegradethem.Ithinkatbottom,mydear,thathemustbeagood-naturedman;butthathewasspoiledyoung,forwantofcheckorcontroul.
Icannotbutcallthis,mycircumstancesconsidered,anhappydaytotheendofit.Indeed,mydear,IthinkIcouldpreferhimtoallthemenIeverknew,werehebuttobealwayswhathehasbeenthisday.YouseehowreadyIamtoownallyouhavechargedmewith,whenIfindmyselfout.Itisadifficultthing,Ibelieve,sometimes,forayoungcreaturethatisabletodeliberatewithherself,toknowwhensheloves,orwhenshehates:butIamresolved,asmuchaspossible,tobedeterminedbothinmyhatredandlovebyactions,astheymakethemanworthyorunworthy.
[ShedatesagainMonday,anddeclaresherselfhighlydispleasedatMissPartington'sbeingintroducedtoher:andstillmoreforbeingobliged
topromisetobepresentatMr.Lovelace'scollation.Sheforesees,shesays,amurder'devening.]
LETTERVII
MISSCLARISSAHARLOWE,TOMISSHOWEMONDAYNIGHT,MAY1.
IhavejustescapedfromaverydisagreeablecompanyIwasobliged,somuchagainstmywill,tobein.Asaveryparticularrelationofthis
evening'sconversationwouldbepainfultome,youmustcontentyourselfwithwhatyoushallbeabletocollectfromtheoutlines,asImaycallthem,ofthecharactersofthepersons;assistedbythelittlehistoriesMr.Lovelacegavemeofeachyesterday.
ThenamesofthegentlemenareBelton,Mowbray,Tourville,andBelford.Thesefour,withMrs.Sinclair,MissPartington,thegreatheiressmentionedinmylast,Mr.Lovelace,andmyself,madeupthecompany.
IgaveyoubeforethefavourablesideofMissPartington'scharacter,
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suchasitwasgiventomebyMrs.Sinclair,andhernieces.Iwillnowaddafewwordsfrommyownobservationuponherbehaviourinthiscompany.
Inbettercompanyperhapsshewouldhaveappearedtolessdisadvantage:but,notwithstandingherinnocentlooks,whichMr.Lovelacealsohighlypraised,heisthelastpersonwhosejudgmentIwouldtakeuponrealmodesty.ForIobserved,that,uponsometalkfromthegentlemen,notfreeenoughtobeeasilycensured,yettooindecentinitsimplicationtocomefromwell-bredpersons,inthecompanyofvirtuousprople[sic],thisyoungladywasveryreadytoapprehend;andyet,bysmilesandsimperings,toencourage,ratherthandiscourage,theculpablefreedomsofpersons,who,inwhattheywentoutoftheirwaytosay,musteitherbeguiltyofabsurdity,meaningnothing,ormeaningsomethingofrudeness.*
*Mr.Belford,inLetterXIII.ofVol.V.remindsMr.Lovelaceofsomeparticulartopicswhichpassedintheirconversation,extremelytotheLady'shonour.
But,indeed,Ihaveseennowomen,ofwhomIhadabetteropinionthanIcansayofMrs.Sinclair,whohaveallowedgentlemen,andthemselvestoo,
ingreaterlibertiesofthissortthanIhadthoughtconsistentwiththatpurityofmannerswhichoughttobethedistinguishingcharacteristicofoursex:Forwhatarewords,butthebodyanddressofthought?Andisnotthemindofapersonstronglyindicatedbyoutwarddress?
Buttothegentlemen--astheymustbecalledinrightoftheirancestors,itseems;fornootherdotheyappeartohave:--
Mr.BELTONhashaduniversityeducation,andwasdesignedforthegown;butthatnotsuitingwiththegaietyofhistemper,andanuncledying,whodevisedtohimagoodestate,hequittedthecollege,cameuptotown,andcommencedfinegentleman.Heissaidtobeamanofsense.--Mr.Beltondressesgaily,butnotquitefoppishly;drinkshard;keepsall
hours,andgloriesindoingso;games,andhasbeenhurtbythatperniciousdiversion:heisaboutthirtyyearsofage:hisfaceisafieryred,somewhatbloatedandpimply;andhisirregularitiesthreatenabriefdurationtothesensualdreamheisin:forhehasashortconsumptioncough,whichseemstodenotebadlungs;yetmakeshimselfandhisfriendsmerrybyhisstupidandinconsideratejestsuponverythreateningsymptomswhichoughttomakehimmoreserious.
Mr.MOWBRAYhasbeenagreattraveller;speaksasmanylanguagesasMr.Lovelacehimself,butnotsofluently:isofagoodfamily:seemstobeaboutthirty-threeorthirty-four:tallandcomelyinhisperson:boldanddaringinhislook:isalarge-boned,strongman:hasagreatscarinhisforehead,withadent,asifhisskullhadbeenbeateninthere,and
aseamedscarinhisrightcheek:helikewisedressesverygaily:hashisservantsalwaysabouthim,whomheiscontinuallycallingupon,andsendingonthemosttriflingmessages--halfadozeninstancesofwhichwehadinthelittletimeIwasamongthem;whiletheyseemtowatchtheturnofhisfierceeye,tobereadytorun,beforetheyhavehalfhismessage,andservehimwithfearandtrembling.Yettohisequalsthemanseemstolerable:hetalksnotamissuponpublicentertainmentsanddiversions,especiallyuponthoseabroad:yethasaromancingair,andaversthingsstronglywhichseemquiteimprobable.Indeedhedoubtsnothingbutwhatheoughttobelieve;forhejestsuponsacredthings;
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andprofessestohatetheclergyofallreligions.Hehashighnotionsofhonour,aworldhardlyeveroutofhismouth;butseemstohavenogreatregardtomorals.
Mr.TOURVILLEoccasionallytoldhisage;justturnedofthirty-one.Heisalsoofanancientfamily;but,inhispersonandmanners,moreofwhatIcallthecoxcombthananyofhiscompanions.Hedressesrichly;wouldbethoughtelegantinthechoiceandfashionofwhathewears;yet,afterall,appearsrathertawdrythanfine.--Oneseesbythecarehetakesofhisoutside,andthenoticehebespeaksfromeveryonebyhisownnoticeofhimself,thattheinsidetakesuptheleastofhisattention.Hedancesfinely,Mr.Lovelacesays;isamasterofmusic,andsingingisoneofhisprincipalexcellencies.Theyprevaileduponhimtosing,andheobligedthembothinItalianandFrench;and,todohimjustice,hissongsinbothweredecent.Theywereallhighlydelightedwithhisperformance;buthisgreatestadmirerswere,Mrs.Sinclair,MissPartington,andhimself.Tomeheappearedtohaveagreatdealofaffectation.
Mr.Tourville'sconversationandaddressareinsufferablyfullofthosereallygrossaffrontsupontheunderstandingofoursex,whichthemodernscallcompliments,andareintendedtopassforsomanyinstancesofgoodbreeding,thoughthemosthyperbolical,unnaturalstuffthatcanbeconceived,andwhichcanonlyservetoshowtheinsincerityofthe
complimenter,andtheridiculouslightinwhichthecomplimentedappearsinhiseyes,ifhesupposesawomancapableofrelishingtheromanticabsurditiesofhisspeeches.
HeaffectstointroduceintohiscommontalkItalianandFrenchwords;andoftenansweranEnglishquestioninFrench,whichlanguagehegreatlypreferstothebarbarouslyhissingEnglish.Butthenheneverfailstotranslateintothishisodiousnativetonguethewordsandthesentenceshespeaksintheothertwo--lest,perhaps,itshouldbequestionedwhetherheunderstandswhathesays.
Helovestotellstories:alwayscallsthemmerry,facetious,good,orexcellent,beforehebegins,inordertobespeaktheattentionofthe
hearers,butnevergiveshimselfconcernintheprogressorconclusionofthem,tomakegoodwhathepromisesinhispreface.Indeedheseldombringsanyofthemtoaconclusion;forifhiscompanyhavepatiencetohearhimout,hebreaksinuponhimselfbysomanyparentheticalintrusions,asonemaycallthem,andhassomanyincidentsspringinginuponhim,thathefrequentlydropshisownthread,andsometimessitsdownsatisfiedhalfway;or,ifatothertimeshewouldresumeit,heappliestohiscompanytohelphiminagain,withaDevilfetchhimifherememberswhathewasdrivingat--butenough,andtoomuchofMr.Tourville.
Mr.BELFORDisthefourthgentleman,andoneofwhomMr.Lovelaceseemsmorefondthananyoftherest;forheisamanoftriedbravery,it
seems;andthispairoffriendscameacquainteduponoccasionofaquarrel,(possiblyaboutawoman,)whichbroughtonachallenge,andameetingatKensingtonGravel-pits;whichendedwithoutunhappyconsequences,bythemediationofthreegentlemenstrangers,justaseachhadmadeapassattheother.
Mr.Belford,itseems,isaboutsevenoreightandtwenty.Heistheyoungestofthefive,exceptMr.Lovelace,andtheyareperhapsthewickedest;fortheyseemtoleadtheotherthreeastheyplease.Mr.Belford,astheothers,dressesgaily;buthasnotthoseadvantagesof
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person,norfromhisdress,whichMr.Lovelaceistooproudof.Hehas,however,theappearanceandairofagentleman.Heiswellreadinclassicalauthors,andinthebestEnglishpoetsandwriters;and,byhismeans,theconversationtooknowandthenamoreagreeableturn.AndI,whoendeavouredtoputthebestfaceIcoulduponmysituation,asIpassedforMrs.Lovelacewiththem,madeshifttojoininit,atsuchtimes,andreceivedabundanceofcomplimentsfromallthecompany,ontheobservationsImade.*
*SeeLetterXIII.ofVol.V.abovereferredto.
Mr.Belfordseemsgood-naturedandobliging;andalthoughverycomplaisant,notsofulsomelysoasMr.Tourville;andhasapoliteandeasymannerofexpressinghissentimentsonalloccasions.Heseemstodelightinalogicalwayofargumentation,asalsodoesMr.Belton.Thesetwoattackedeachotherinthisway;andbothlookedatuswomen,asiftoobservewhetherwedidnotadmirethislearning,orwhentheyhadsaidasmartthing,theirwit.ButMr.Belfordhadvisiblytheadvantageoftheother,havingquickerparts,andbytakingtheworstsideoftheargument,seemedtothinkhehad.Uponthewholeofhisbehaviourandconversation,heputmeinmindofthatcharacterofMilton:--
--------HistongueDroptmanna,andcouldmaketheworseappearThebetterreason,toperplexanddashMaturestcounsels;forhisthoughtswerelow;Toviceindustrious:buttonoblerdeedsTim'rousandslothful:yethepleasedtheear.
Howlittlesoevermattersingeneralmaybetoourliking,weareapt,whenhopeisstrongenoughtopermitit,toendeavourtomakethebestwecanofthelotwehavedrawn;andIcouldnotbutobserveoften,howmuchMr.Lovelaceexcelledallhisfourfriendsineverythingtheyseemeddesiroustoexcelin.Butastowitandvivacity,hehadnoequalthere.
Alltheothersgaveuptohim,whenhislipsbegantoopen.ThehaughtyMowbraywouldcalluponthepratingTourvilleforsilence,whenLovelacewasgoingtospeak.Andwhenhehadspoken,thewords,Charmingfellow!withafreewordofadmirationorenvy,fellfromeverymouth.
Hehasindeedsomanyadvantagesinhispersonandmanner,thatwhatwouldbeinexcusableinanother,would,ifonewatchednotoverone'sself,anddidnotendeavourtodistinguishwhatistheessenceofrightandwrong,lookbecominginhim.
Mr.Belford,tomynosmallvexationandconfusion,withtheforwardnessofafavouredandintrustedfriend,singledmeout,onMr.Lovelace'sbeingsentfordown,tomakemecongratulatorycomplimentsonmysupposed
nuptials;whichhedidwithacaution,nottoinsisttoolongontherigorousvowIhadimposeduponamansouniversallyadmired--
'Seehimamongtwentymen,'saidhe,'allofdistinction,andnobodyisregardedbutMr.Lovelace.'
Itmust,indeed,beconfessed,thatthereis,inhiswholedeportment,anaturaldignity,whichrendersallinsolentorimperativedemeanourasunnecessaryasinexcusable.Thenthatdeceivingsweetnesswhichappearsinhissmiles,inhisaccent,inhiswholeaspect,andaddress,whenhe
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thinksitworthhiswhiletooblige,orendeavourtoattract,howdoesthisshowthathewasborninnocent,asImaysay;thathewasnotnaturallythecruel,theboisterous,theimpetuouscreature,whichthewickedcompanyhemayhavefallenintohavemadehim!Forhehas,besides,asopen,and,Ithink,anhonestcountenance.Don'tyouthinkso,mydear?Onallthesespeciousappearances,haveIfoundedmyhopesofseeinghimareformedman.
Butitisamazingtome,Iown,thatwithsomuchofthegentleman,suchageneralknowledgeofbooksandmen,suchaskillinthelearnedaswellasmodernlanguages,hecantakesomuchdelightashedoesinthecompanyofsuchpersonsasIhavedescribed,andinsubjectsoffrothyimpertinence,unworthyofhistalents,andhisnaturalandacquiredadvantages.Icanthinkbutofonereasonforit,andthatmustargueaverylowmind,--hisvanity;whichmakeshimdesirousofbeingconsideredastheheadofthepeopleheconsortswith.--Amantolovepraise,yettobecontenttodrawitfromsuchcontaminatedsprings!
OnecomplimentpassedfromMr.BelfordtoMr.Lovelace,whichhastenedmyquittingtheshockingcompany--'Youareahappyman,Mr.Lovelace,'saidhe,uponsomefinespeechesmadehimbyMrs.Sinclair,andassentedtobyMissPartington:--'Youhavesomuchcourage,andsomuchwit,thatneithermannorwomancanstandbeforeyou.'
Mr.Belfordlookedatmewhenhespoke:yes,mydear,hesmilinglylookedatme;andhelookeduponhiscomplimentedfriend;andalltheirassenting,andthereforeaffrontingeyes,bothmen'sandwomen's,wereturneduponyourClarissa;atleast,myself-reproachingheartmademethinkso;forthatwouldhardlypermitmyeyetolookup.
Oh!mydear,werebutawoman,whogivesreasontotheworldtothinkhertobeinlovewithaman,[Andthismustbebelievedtobemycase;ortowhatcanmysupposedvoluntarygoingoffwithMr.Lovelacebeimputed?]toreflectonemomentontheexaltationshegiveshim,andthedisgraceshebringsuponherself,--thelowpity,thesilentcontempt,theinsolentsneersandwhispers,towhichshemakesherselfobnoxiousfromacensuringworldofbothsexes,--howwouldshedespiseherself!andhow
muchmoreeligiblewouldshethinkdeathitselfthansuchadiscovereddebasement!
WhatIhavethusingeneraltouchedupon,willaccounttoyouwhyIcouldnotmoreparticularlyrelatewhatpassedinthisevening'sconversation:which,asmaybegatheredfromwhatIhavewritten,aboundedwithapprobatoryaccusations,andsupposedwittyretorts.
LETTERVIII
MISSCLARISSAHARLOWE,TOMISSHOWE
MONDAYMIDNIGHT.
Iamverymuchvexedanddisturbedatanoddincident.Mrs.Sinclairhasjustnowleftme;Ibelieveindispleasure,onmydecliningtocomplywitharequestshemademe:whichwas,toadmitMissPartingtontoashareinmybed,herhousebeingcrowdedbyhernieces'sguestsandbytheirattendants,aswellasbythoseofMissPartington.
Theremightbenothinginit;andmydenialcarriedastiffandill-
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naturedappearance.Butinstantly,uponhermakingtherequest,itcameintomythought,'thatIwasinamannerastrangertoeverybodyinthehouse:notsomuchasaservantIcouldcallmyown,orofwhomIhadanygreatopinion:thattherewerefourmenoffreemannersinthehouse,avowedsupportersofMr.Lovelaceinmattersofoffence;himselfamanofenterprise;all,asfarasIknew,(andasIhadreasontothinkbytheirnoisymirthafterIleftthem,)drinkingdeeply:thatMissPartingtonherselfisnotsobashfulapersonasshewasrepresentedtometobe:thatofficiouspainsweretakentogivemeagoodopinionofher:andthatMrs.Sinclairmadeagreaterparadeinprefacingtherequest,thansucharequestneeded.Todeny,thoughtI,cancarryonlyanappearanceofsingularitytopeoplewhoalreadythinkmesingular.Toconsentmaypossibly,ifnotprobably,beattendedwithinconveniencies.Theconsequencesofthealternativesoverydisproportionate,Ithoughtitmoreprudenttoincurthecensure,thantorisquetheinconvenience.'
ItoldherthatIwaswritingalongletter:thatIshouldchoosetowritetillIweresleepy,andthatacompanionwouldbearestraintuponme,andIuponher.
Shewasloth,shesaid,thatsodelicateayoungcreature,andsogreatafortuneasMissPartington,shouldbeputtoliewithDorcasinapress-bed.Sheshouldbeverysorry,ifshehadaskedanimproperthing.Shehadneverbeensoputtoitbefore.AndMisswouldstayupwithher
tillIhaddonewriting.Alarmedatthisurgency,anditbeingeasiertopersistinadenialgiven,thantogiveitatfirst,Isaid,MissPartingtonshouldbewelcometomywholebed,andIwouldretireintothedining-room,andthere,lockingmyselfin,writeallthenight.
Thepoorthing,shesaid,wasafraidtoliealone.TobesureMissPartingtonwouldnotputmetosuchaninconvenience.
Shethenwithdrew,--butreturned--beggedmypardonforreturning,butthepoorchild,shesaid,wasintears.--MissPartingtonhadneverseenayoungladyshesomuchadmired,andsomuchwishedtoimitateasme.The
deargirlhopedthatnothinghadpassedinherbehaviourtogivemedisliketoher.--Shouldshebringhertome?
Iwasverybusy,Isaid:theletterIwaswritingwasuponaveryimportantsubject.Ihopedtoseetheyoungladyinthemorning,whenIwouldapologizetoherformyparticularity.AndthenMrs.Sinclairhesitating,andmovingtowardsthedoor,(thoughsheturnedroundtomeagain,)Idesiredher,(lightingher,)totakecarehowshewentdown.
Pray,Madam,saidshe,onthestairs-head,don'tgiveyourselfallthistrouble.Godknowsmyheart,Imeantnoaffront:but,sinceyouseemtotakemyfreedomamiss,IbegyouwillnotacquaintMr.Lovelacewithit;forheperhapswillthinkmeboldandimpertinent.
Now,mydear,isnotthisaparticularincident,eitherasIhavemadeit,orasitwasdesigned?Idon'tlovetodoanuncivilthing.Andifnothingweremeantbytherequest,myrefusaldeservestobecalleduncivil.ThenIhaveshownasuspicionoffoulusagebyit,whichsurelydarenotbemeant.Ifjust,Ioughttoapprehendeverything,andflythehouseandthemanasIwouldaninfection.Ifnotjust,andifIcannotcontrivetoclearmyselfofhavingentertainedsuspicions,byassigningsomeotherplausiblereasonformydenial,theverystayingherewillhaveanappearancenotatallreputabletomyself.
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Iamnowoutofhumourwithhim,--withmyself,--withalltheworld,butyou.Hiscompanionsareshockingcreatures.Why,againIrepeat,shouldhehavebeendesiroustobringmeintosuchcompany?OncemoreIlikehimnot.--IndeedIdonotlikehim!
LETTERIX
MISSCLARISSAHARLOWE,TOMISSHOWETUESDAY,MAY2.
WithinfiniteregretIamobligedtotellyou,thatIcannolongerwritetoyou,orreceivelettersfromyou.--YourmotherhassentmealetterenclosedinacovertoMr.Lovelace,directedforhimatLordM.'s,(andwhichwasbroughthimjustnow,)reproachingmeonthissubjectinveryangryterms,andforbiddingme,'asIwouldnotbethoughttointendtomakeherandyouunhappy,towritetoyouwithoutherleave.'
This,therefore,isthelastyoumustreceivefromme,tillhappierdays.Andasmyprospectsarenotverybad,Ipresumeweshallsoonhaveleavetowriteagain;andeventoseeeachother:sinceanalliancewitha
familysohonourableasMr.Lovelace'siswillnotbeadisgrace.Sheispleasedtowrite,'ThatifIwouldwishtoinflameyou,Ishouldletyouknowherwrittenprohibition:butifotherwise,findsomewayofmyownaccord(withoutbringingherintothequestion)todeclineacorrespondence,whichImustknowshehasforsometimepastforbidden.'ButallIcansayis,tobegofyounottobeinflamed:tobegofyounottoletherknow,orevenbyyourbehaviourtoher,onthisoccasion,guess,thatIhaveacquaintedyouwithmyreasonfordecliningtowritetoyou.Forhowelse,afterthescruplesIhaveheretoforemadeonthisverysubject,yetproceedingtocorrespond,canIhonestlysatisfyyouaboutmymotivesforthissuddenstop?So,mydear,Ichoose,yousee,rathertorelyuponyourdiscretion,thantofeignreasonswithwhichyou
wouldnotbesatisfied,butwithyourusualactivepenetration,sifttothebottom,andatlastfindmetobeameanandlowqualifier;andthatwithanimplicationinjurioustoyou,thatIsupposedyouhadnotprudenceenoughtobetrustedwiththenakedtruth.
Irepeat,thatmyprospectsarenotbad.'Thehouse,Ipresume,willsoonbetaken.Thepeoplehereareveryrespectful,notwithstandingmynicetyaboutMissPartington.MissMartin,whoisnearmarriagewithaneminenttradesmanintheStrand,justnow,inaveryrespectfulmanner,askedmyopinionofsomepatternsofrichsilksfortheoccasion.Thewidowhasalessforbiddingappearancethanatfirst.Mr.Lovelace,onmydeclareddislikeofhisfourfriends,hasassuredmethatneithertheynoranybodyelseshallbeintroducedtomewithoutmyleave.'
ThesecircumstancesImention(asyouwillsuppose)thatyourkindheartmaybeateaseaboutme;thatyoumaybeinducedbythemtoacquiescewithyourmother'scommands,(cheerfullyacquiesce,)andthatformysake,lestIshouldbethoughtaninflamer;whoam,withverycontraryintentions,mydearestandbestbelovedfriend,
Youreverobligedandaffectionate,CLARISSAHARLOWE.
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LETTERX
MISSHOWE,TOMISSCLARISSAHARLOWEWEDN.MAY3.
Iamastonishedthatmymothershouldtakesuchastep--purelytoexerciseanunreasonableactofauthority;andtoobligethemostremorselessheartsintheworld.IfIfindthatIcanbeofusetoyou,eitherbyadviceorinformation,doyouthinkIwillnotgiveit!--Wereittoanyotherperson,muchlessdeartomethanyouare,doyouthink,insuchacase,Iwouldforbeargivingit?
Mr.Hickman,whopretendstoalittlecasuistryinsuchnicematters,isofopinionthatIoughtnottodeclinesuchacorrespondencethuscircumstanced.Anditiswellheis;formymotherhavingsetmeup,Imusthavesomebodytoquarrelwith.
ThisIwillcomeintoifitwillmakeyoueasy--Iwillforbeartowritetoyouforafewdays,ifnothingextraordinaryhappen,andtilltherigourofherprohibitionisabated.ButbeassuredthatIwillnotdispensewithyourwritingtome.Myheart,myconscience,myhonour,
willnotpermitit.ButhowwillIhelpmyself?--How!--easilyenough.ForIdoassureyouthatIwantbutverylittlefartherprovocationtoflyprivatelytoLondon.AndifIdo,IwillnotleaveyoutillIseeyoueitherhonourablymarried,orabsolutelyquitofthewretch:and,inthislastcase,Iwilltakeyoudownwithme,indefianceofthewholeworld:or,ifyourefusetogowithme,staywithyou,andaccompanyyouasyourshadowwhithersoeveryougo.
Don'tbefrightenedatthisdeclaration.Thereisbutoneconsideration,andbutonehope,thatwithholdme,watchedasIaminallmyretirements;obligedtoreadtoherwithoutavoice;toworkinher
presencewithoutfingers;andtoliewithhereverynightagainstmywill.Theconsiderationis,lestyoushouldapprehendthatastepofthisnaturewouldlooklikeadoublingofyourfault,intheeyesofsuchasthinkyourgoingawayafault.Thehopeis,thatthingswillstillendhappily,andthatsomepeoplewillhavereasontotakeshametothemselvesforthesorryparttheyhaveacted.NeverthelessIamoftenbalancing--butyourresolvingtogiveupthecorrespondenceatthiscrisiswillturnthescale.Write,therefore,ortaketheconsequence.
Afewwordsuponthesubjectofyourlastletters.Iknownotwhetheryourbrother'swiseprojectbegivenupornot.Adeadsilencereignsinyourfamily.Yourbrotherwasabsentthreedays;thenathomeone;andisnowabsent:butwhetherwithSingleton,ornot,Icannotfindout.
Byyouraccountofyourwretch'scompanions,Iseenotbuttheyareasetofinfernals,andhetheBeelzebub.Whatcouldhemean,asyousay,byhisearnestnesstobringyouintosuchcompany,andtogiveyousuchanopportunitytomakehimandthemreflecting-glassestooneanother?Theman'safool,tobesure,mydear--asillyfellow,atleast--thewretchesmustputontheirbestbeforeyou,nodoubt--Lordsofthecreation!--noblefellowsthese!--Yetwhoknowshowmanypoordespicablesoulsofoursextheworstofthemhashadtowhineafterhim!
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Youhavebroughtaninconvenienceuponyourself,asyouobserve,byyourrefusalofMissPartingtonforyourbedfellow.Pityyouhadnotadmittedher!watchfulasyouare,whatcouldhavehappened?Ifviolencewereintended,hewouldnotstayforthenight.Youmighthavesatupafterher,ornotgonetobed.Mrs.Sinclairpressedittoofar.Youwasover-scrupulous.
Ifanythinghappentodelayyournuptials,Iwouldadviseyoutoremove:but,ifyoumarry,perhapsyoumaythinkitnogreatmattertostaywhereyouaretillyoutakepossessionofyourownestate.Theknotoncetied,andwithsoresoluteaman,itismyopinionyourrelationswillsoonresignwhattheycannotlegallyhold:and,wereevenalitigationtofollow,youwillnotbeable,noroughtyoutobewilling,tohelpit:foryourestatewillthenbehisright;anditwillbeunjusttowishittobewithheldfromhim.
OnethingIwouldadviseyoutothinkof;andthatis,ofpropersettlements:itwillbetothecreditofyourprudenceandofhisjustice(andthemoreasmattersstand)thatsomethingofthisshouldbedonebeforeyoumarry.Badasheis,nobodyaccountshimasordidman.AndIwonderhehasbeenhithertosilentonthatsubject.
Iamnotdispleasedwithhisproposalaboutthewidowlady'shouse.Ithinkitwilldoverywell.Butifitmustbethreeweeksbeforeyoucan
becertainaboutit,surelyyouneednotputoffhisdayforthatspace:andhemaybespeakhisequipages.Surprisingtome,aswellastoyou,thathecouldbesoacquiescent!
Irepeat--continuetowritetome.Iinsistuponit;andthatasminutelyaspossible:or,taketheconsequence.Isendthisbyaparticularhand.Iam,andeverwillbe,
Yourmostaffectionate,ANNAHOWE.
LETTERXI
MISSCLARISSAHARLOWE,TOMISSHOWETHURSDAY,MAY4.
Iforegoeveryotherengagement,Isuspendeverwish,Ibanisheveryotherfear,totakeupmypen,tobegofyouthatyouwillnotthinkofbeingguiltyofsuchanactofloveasIcanneverthankyoufor;butmustforeverregret.IfImustcontinuetowritetoyou,Imust.Iknowfullwellyourimpatienceofcontrol,whenyouhavetheleastimaginationthatyourgenerosityorfriendshipislikelytobewonderedat.
Mydearest,dearestcreature,wouldyouincuramaternal,asIhaveapaternal,malediction?Wouldnottheworldthinktherewasaninfectioninmyfault,ifitweretobefollowedbyMissHowe?Therearesomepointssoflagrantlywrongthattheywillnotbeartobearguedupon.Thisisoneofthem.Ineednotgivereasonsagainstsucharashness.Heavenforbidthatitshouldbeknownthatyouhaditbutonceinyourthought,beyourmotiveseversonobleandgenerous,tofollowsobadanexample,therather,asthatyouwould,insuchacase,wanttheextenuationsthatmightbepleadedinmyfavour;andparticularlythat
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oneofbeingsurprisedintotheunhappystep!
Therestraintyourmotherlaysyouunderwouldnothaveappearedheavytoyoubutonmyaccount.Wouldyouhadoncethoughtitahardshiptobeadmittedtoapartofherbed?--HowdidIusetobedelightedwithsuchafavourfrommymother!howdidIlovetoworkinherpresence!--Sodidyouinthepresenceofyour'sonce.AndtoreadtoherinwintereveningsIknowwasoneofyourjoys.--Donotgivemecausetoreproachmyselfonthereasonthatmaybeassignedforthechangeinyou.
Learn,mydear,Ibeseechyou,learntosubdueyourownpassions.Bethemotiveswhattheywill,excessisexcess.Thosepassionsinoursex,whichwetakepainstosubdue,mayhaveoneandthesamesourcewiththoseinfinitely-blackerpassions,whichweusedsooftentocondemnintheviolentandheadstrongoftheothersex;andwhichmayonlybeheightenedinthembycustom,andtheirfreereducation.Letusboth,mydear,ponderwellthisthought:lookintoourselves,andfear.
IfIwrite,asIfindImust,Iinsistuponyourforbearingtowrite.Yoursilencetothisshallbethesigntomethatyouwillnotthinkoftherashnessyouthreatenmewith:andthatyouwillobeyyourmotherastoyourownpartofthecorrespondence,however;especiallyasyoucaninformoradvisemeineveryweightycasebyMr.Hickman'spen.
Mytremblingwritingwillshowyou,mydearimpetuouscreature,whatatremblingheartyouhavegivento
Youreverobliged,Or,ifyoutakesorashastep,Yourforeverdisobliged,CLARISSAHARLOWE.
Myclotheswerebroughttomejustnow.Butyouhavesomuchdiscomposedme,thatIhavenohearttolookintothetrunks.Why,why,mydear,willyoufrightmewithyourflaminglove?discomposuregivesdistresstoaweakheart,whetheritarisefromfriendshiporenmity.
AservantofMr.LovelacecarriesthistoMr.Hickmanfordispatch-sake.Letthatworthyman'spenrelievemyheartfromthisnewuneasiness.
LETTERXII
MR.HICKMAN,TOMISSCLARISSAHARLOWE[SENTTOWILSON'SBYAPARTICULARHAND.]FRIDAY,MAY5.
MADAM,
IhavethehonourofdearMissHowe'scommandstoacquaintyou,withoutknowingtheoccasion,'Thatsheisexcessivelyconcernedfortheconcernshehasgivenyouinherlastletter:andthat,ifyouwillbutwritetoher,undercoverasbefore,shewillhavenothoughtsofwhatyouaresoveryapprehensiveabout.'--Yetshebidmewrite,'Thatifshehadbittheleastimaginationthatshecanserveyou,andsaveyou,'thoseareherwords,'allthecensuresoftheworldwillbebutofsecondconsiderationwithher.'Ihavegreattemptations,onthisoccasion,toexpressmyown
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resentmentsuponyourpresentstate;butnotbeingfullyapprizedofwhatthatis--onlyconjecturingfromthedisturbanceuponthemindofthedearestladyintheworldtome,andthemostsincereoffriendstoyou,thatthatisnotaltogethersohappyasweretobewished;andbeing,moreover,forbidtoenterintothecruelsubject;Icanonlyoffer,asIdo,mybestandfaithfullestservices!andwishyouahappydeliverancefromallyourtroubles.ForIam,
Mostexcellentyounglady,Yourfaithfulandmostobedientservant,CH.HICKMAN.
LETTERXIII
MR.LOVELACE,TOJOHNBELFORD,ESQ.TUESDAY,MAY2.
Mercury,asthefabulisttellsus,havingthecuriositytoknowtheestimationhestoodinamongmortals,descendedindisguise,andinastatuary'sshopcheapenedaJupiter,thenaJuno,thenone,thenanother,ofthediimajores;and,atlast,asked,Whatpricethatsamestatueof
Mercurybore?OSir,saystheartist,buyoneoftheothers,andI'llthrowyouinthatfornothing.
Howsheepishmustthegodofthieveslookuponthisrebufftohisvanity!
Sothou!athousandpoundswouldstthougiveforthegoodopinionofthissinglelady--tobeonlythoughttolerablyof,andnotquiteunworthyofherconversation,wouldmaketheehappy.Andatpartinglastnight,orratherthismorning,thoumadestmepromiseafewlinestoEdgware,tolettheeknowwhatshethinksofthee,andofthybrethren.
Thythousandpounds,Jack,isallthyown:formostheartilydoesshedislikeyeall--theeasmuchasanyoftherest.
Iamsorryforittoo,astothypart;fortworeasons--one,thatIthinkthymotiveforthycuriositywasfearofconsciousness:whereasthatofthearch-thiefwasvanity,intolerablevanity:andhewasthereforejustlysentawaywithablushuponhischeekstoheaven,andcouldnotbrag--theother,thatIamafraid,ifshedislikesthee,shedislikesme:forarewenotbirdsofafeather?
Imustnevertalkofreformation,shetoldme,havingsuchcompanions,andtakingsuchdelight,asIseemedtotake,intheirfrothyconversation.
I,nomorethanyou,Jack,imaginedshecouldpossiblylikeye:butthen,
asmyfriends,Ithoughtapersonofhereducationwouldhavebeenmoresparingofhercensures.
Idon'tknowhowitis,Belford;butwomenthinkthemselvesentitledtotakeanyfreedomswithus;whileweareunpolite,forsooth,andIcan'ttellwhat,ifwedon'ttellapackofcursedlies,andmakeblackwhite,intheirfavour--teachingustobehypocrites,yetstigmatizingus,atothertimes,fordeceivers.
IdefendedyeallaswellasIcould:butyouknowtherewasno
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attemptingaughtbutapalliativedefence,tooneofherprinciples.
Iwillsummarilygivetheeafewofmypleas.
'Tothepure,everylittledeviationseemedoffensive:yetIsawnot,thattherewasanythingamissthewholeevening,eitherinthewordsorbehaviourofanyofmyfriends.Somepeoplecouldtalkbutupononeortwosubjects:sheuponeveryone:nowonder,therefore,theytalkedtowhattheyunderstoodbest;andtomereobjectsofsense.Hadshehonoureduswithmoreofherconversation,shewouldhavebeenlessdisgustedwithours;forshesawhoweveryonewaspreparedtoadmireher,wheneversheopenedherlips.You,inparticular,hadsaid,whensheretired,thatvirtueitselfspokewhenshespoke,butthatyouhadsuchanaweuponyou,aftershehadfavoureduswithanobservationortwoonasubjectstarted,thatyoushouldeverbeafraidinhercompanytobefoundmostexceptionable,whenyouintendedtobeleastso.'
Plainly,shesaid,sheneitherlikedmycompanionsnorthehouseshewasin.
Ilikednotthehouseanymorethanshe:thoughthepeoplewereveryobliging,andshehadownedtheywerelessexceptionabletoherselfthanatfirst:Andwerewenotaboutanotherofourown?
ShedidnotlikeMissPartington--letherfortunebewhatitwould,andshehadheardagreatdealsaidofherfortune,sheshouldnotchooseanintimacywithher.Shethoughtitwasahardshiptobeputuponsuchadifficultyasshewasputupontheprecedingnight,whentherewerelodgersinthefront-house,whomtheyhadreasontobefreerwith,than,uponsoshortanacquaintance,withher.
Ipretendedtobeanutterstrangerastothisparticular;and,whensheexplainedherselfuponit,condemnedMrs.Sinclair'srequest,andcalleditaconfidentone.
She,artfully,madelighterofherdenialofthegirlforabedfellow,thanshethoughtofit,Icouldseethat;foritwasplain,shesupposed
therewasroomformetothinkshehadbeeneitherover-nice,orover-cautious.
IofferedtoresentMrs.Sinclair'sfreedom.
No;therewasnogreatmatterinit.Itwasbesttoletitpass.Itmightbethoughtmoreparticularinhertodenysucharequest,thaninMrs.Sinclairtomakeit,orinMissPartingtontoexpectittobecompliedwith.Butasthepeoplebelowhadalargeacquaintance,shedidnotknowhowoftenshemightindeedhaveherretirementsinvaded,ifshegaveway.Andindeedtherewerelevitiesinthebehaviourofthatyounglady,whichshecouldnotsofarpassoverastowishanintimacywithher.
Isaid,IlikedMissPartingtonaslittleasshecould.MissPartingtonwasasillyyoungcreature;whoseemedtojustifythewatchfulnessofherguardiansoverher.--Butnevertheless,astoherown,thatIthoughtthegirl(forgirlshewas,astodiscretion)notexceptionable;onlycarryingherselflikeafreegood-naturedcreaturewhobelievedherselfsecureinthehonourofhercompany.
Itwasverywellsaidofme,shereplied:butifthatyoungladyweresowellsatisfiedwithhercompany,shemustneedssay,thatIwasverykind
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tosupposehersuchaninnocent--forherownpart,shehadseennothingoftheLondonworld:butthought,shemusttellmeplainly,thatsheneverwasinsuchcompanyinherlife;noreveragainwishedtobeinsuch.
There,Belford!--WorseoffthanMercury!--Artthounot?
Iwasnettled.Hardwouldbethelotofmorediscreetwomen,asfarasIknew,thatMissPartington,weretheytobejudgedbysorigidavirtueashers.
Notso,shesaid:butifIreallysawnothingexceptionabletoavirtuousmind,inthatyoungperson'sbehaviour,myignoranceofbetterbehaviourwas,shemustneedstellme,aspitiableashers:anditweretobewished,thatmindssopaired,fortheirownsakesshouldneverbeseparated.
See,Jack,whatIgetbymycharity!
Ithankedherheartily.Butsaid,thatImusttakethelibertytoobserve,thatgoodfolksweregenerallysouncharitable,that,deviltakeme,ifIwouldchoosetobegood,weretheconsequencetobethatImustthinkhardlyofthewholeworldbesides.
Shecongratulatedmeuponmycharity;buttoldme,thattoenlargeherown,shehopeditwouldnotbeexpectedofhertoapproveofthelowcompanyIhadbroughtherintolastnight.
Noexceptionforthee,Belford!--Safeisthythousandpounds.
Isawnot,Isaid,beggingherpardon,thatshelikedanybody.--[Plaindealingforplaindealing,Jack!--Whythendidsheabusemyfriends?]However,letmebutknowwhomandwhatshedidordidnotlike;and,ifpossible,Iwouldlikeanddisliketheverysamepersonsandthings.
Shebidmethen,inapet,dislikemyself.
Cursedsevere!--Doesshethinkshemustnotpayforitoneday,oronenight?--Andifone,many;that'smycomfort.
Iwasinsuchatrainofbeinghappy,Isaid,beforemyearnestnesstoprocurehertofavourmyfriendswithhercompany,thatIwishedthedevilhadhadaswellmyfriendsasMissPartington--andyet,Imustsay,thatIsawnothowgoodpeoplecouldanswerhalftheirend,whichistoreformthewickedbypreceptaswellasexample,weretheytoaccompanyonlywiththegood.
Ihadtheliketohavebeenblastedbytwoorthreeflashesoflightningfromherindignanteyes;andsheturnedscornfullyfromme,andretiredtoherownapartment.
Oncemore,Jack,safe,asthouseest,isthythousandpounds.
Shesays,Iamnotapoliteman.Butisshe,intheinstancebeforeus,morepoliteforawoman?
Andnow,dostthounotthinkthatIowemycharmersomerevengeforhercrueltyinobligingsuchafineyoungcreature,andsovastafortune,asMissPartington,tocrowdintoapress-bedwithDorcasthemaid-servantoftheproudrefuser?--MissPartingtontoo(withtears)declared,byMrs.
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Sinclair,thatwouldMrs.LovelacedoherthehonourofavisitatBarnet,thebestbedandbestroominherguardian'shouseshouldbeatherservice.ThinkestthouthatIcouldnotguessatherdishonourablefearsofme?--thatsheapprehended,thatthesupposedhusbandwouldendeavourtotakepossessionofhisown?--andthatMissPartingtonwouldbewillingtocontributetosuchapieceofjustice?
Thus,then,thoubothremindest,anddefiestme,charmer!--Andsincethoureliestmoreonthyownprecautionthanuponmyhonour;beituntothee,fairone,asthouapprehendest.
Andnow,Jack,letmeknow,whatthyopinion,andtheopinionsofthybrothervarlets,areofmyGloriana.
Ihavejustnowheard,thatHannahhopestobesoonwellenoughtoattendheryounglady,wheninLondon.Itseemsthegirlhashadnophysician.Imustsendherone,outofpureloveandrespecttohermistress.Whoknowsbutmedicinemayweakennature,andstrengthenthedisease?--Ashermaladyisnotafever,verylikelyitmaydoso.--Butperhapsthewench'shopesaretooforward.Blusteringweatherinthismonthyet.--Andthatisbadforrheumaticcomplaints.
LETTERXIVMR.LOVELACE,TOJOHNBELFORD,ESQ.TUESDAY,MAY2.
JustasIhadsealeduptheenclosed,comesalettertomybeloved,inacovertome,directedtoLordM.'s.Fromwhom,thinkestthou?--FromMrs.Howe!
Andwhatthecontents?
HowshouldIknow,unlessthedearcreaturehadcommunicatedthemtome?
ButaverycruelletterIbelieveitis,bytheeffectithaduponher.Thetearsrandownhercheeksasshereadit;andhercolourchangedseveraltimes.Noendofherpersecutions,Ithink!
'Whatacrueltyinmyfate!'saidthesweetlamenter.--'Nowtheonlycomfortofmylifemustbegivenup!'
MissHowe'scorrespondence,nodoubt.
Butshouldshebesomuchgrievedatthis?Thiscorrespondencewasprohibitedbefore,andthat,tothedaughter,inthestrongestterms:butyetcarriedonbyboth;althoughabraceofimpeccables,an'tpleaseye.Couldtheyexpect,thatamotherwouldnotvindicateherauthority?
--andfindingherprohibitionineffectualwithherperversedaughter,wasitnotreasonabletosupposeshewouldtrywhateffectitwouldhaveuponherdaughter'sfriend?--AndnowIbelievetheendwillbeeffectuallyanswered:formybeloved,Idaresay,willmakeapointofconscienceofit.
Ihatecruelty,especiallyinwomen;andshouldhavebeenmoreconcernedforthisinstanceofitMrs.Howe,hadInothadastrongerinstanceofthesameinmybelovedtoMissPartington:Forhowdidsheknow,sinceshewassomuchafraidforherself,whomDorcasmightletintothat
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innocentandlesswatchfulyounglady?ButneverthelessImustneedsown,thatIamnotverysorryforthisprohibition,letitoriginallycomefromtheHarlowes,orfromwhomitwill;becauseImakenodoubt,thatitisowingtoMissHowe,inagreatmeasure,thatmybelovedissomuchuponherguard,andthinkssohardlyofme.Andwhocantell,ascharactersherearesotender,andsomedisguisessoflimsy,whatconsequencesmightfollowthisundutifulcorrespondence?--Isay,therefore,Iamnotsorryforit:nowwillshenothaveanybodytocomparenoteswith:anybodytoalarmher:andImaybesavedtheguiltanddisobligationofinspectingintoacorrespondencethathaslongmademeuneasy.
Howeverytingworksforme!--Whywillthischarmingcreaturemakesuchcontrivancesnecessary,aswillincreasemytrouble,andmyguilttoo,assomewillaccountit?Butwhy,ratherIshouldask,willshefightagainstherstars?
LETTERXV
MR.BELFORD,TOROBERTLOVELACE,ESQ.EDGWARE,TUESDAYNIGHT,MAY2.
Withoutstayingforthepromisedletterfromyoutoinformuswhattheladysaysofus,Iwritetotellyou,thatweareallofoneopinionwithregardtoher;whichis,thatthereisnotofherageafinerwomanintheworld,astoherunderstanding.Asforherperson,sheisattheageofbloom,andanadmirablecreature;aperfectbeauty:butthispoorerpraise,aman,whohasbeenhonouredwithherconversation,canhardlydescendtogive;andyetshewasbroughtamongstuscontrarytoherwill.
Permitme,dearLovelace,tobeameanofsavingthisexcellentcreaturefromthedangersshehourlyrunsfromthemostplottingheartintheworld.Inaformer,Ipleadedyourownfamily,LordM.'swishesparticularly;andthenIhadnotseenher:butnow,Ijoinhersake,
honour'ssake,motivesofjustice,generosity,gratitude,andhumanity,whichareallconcernedinthepreservationofsofineawoman.ThouknowestnottheanguishIshouldhavehad,(whencearising,Icannotdevise,)hadInotknownbeforeIsetoutthismorning,thattheincomparablecreaturehaddisappointedtheeinthycursedviewofgettinghertoadmitthespeciousPartingtonforabed-fellow.
IhavedonenothingbuttalkofthisladyeversinceIsawher.Thereissomethingsoawful,andyetsosweet,inheraspect,thatwereItohavethevirtuesandthegracesalldrawninonepiece,theyshouldbetaken,everyoneofthem,fromdifferentairsandattributesinher.Shewasborntoadorntheageshewasgivento,andwouldbeanornamenttothefirstdignity.Whatapiercing,yetgentleeye;everyglanceIthought
mingledwithloveandfearofyou!Whatasweetsmiledartingthroughthecloudthatoverspreadherfairface,demonstratingthatshehadmoreapprehensionsandgriefatherheartthanshecaredtoexpress!
YoumaythinkwhatIamgoingtowritetooflighty:but,bymyfaith,Ihaveconceivedsuchaprofoundreverenceforhersenseandjudgment,that,farfromthinkingthemanexcusablewhoshouldtreatherbasely,Iamreadytoregretthatsuchanangelofawomanshouldevenmarry.Sheisinmyeyeallmind:andwereshetomeetwithamanallmindlikewise,whyshouldthecharmingqualitiessheismistressofbe
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endangered?Whyshouldsuchanangelbeplungedsolowasintothevulgarofficesofadomesticlife?Wereshemine,Ishouldhardlywishtoseeheramother,unlesstherewereakindofmoralcertainty,thatmindslikeherscouldbepropagated.Forwhy,inshort,shouldnottheworkofbodiesbelefttomerebodies?Iknow,thatyouyourselfhaveanopinionofherlittlelessexalted.Belton,Mowbray,Tourville,areallofmymind;arefullofherpraises;andswear,itwouldbeamillionofpitiestoruinawomaninwhosefallnonebutdevilscanrejoice.
Whatmustthatmeritandexcellencebewhichcanextortthisfromus,freelivers,likeyourself,andallofyourjustresentmentsagainsttherestofherfamily,andofferedourassistancetoexecuteyourvengeanceonthem?Butwecannotthinkitreasonablethatyoushouldpunishaninnocentcreature,wholovesyousowell,andwhoisyourprotection,andhassufferedsomuchforyou,forthefaultsofherrelations.
Andhereletmeputaseriousquestionortwo.Thinkestthou,trulyadmirableasthisladyis,thattheendthouproposesttothyself,ifobtained,isanswerabletothemeans,tothetroublethougivestthyself,andtotheperfidies,tricks,stratagems,andcontrivancesthouhasalreadybeenguiltyof,andstillmeditatest?Ineveryrealexcellenceshesurpassesallhersex.Butinthearticlethouseekesttosubdueherfor,ameresensualist,aPartington,aHorton,aMartin,wouldmakeasensualistathousandtimeshappierthansheeitherwillorcan.
Sweetarethejoysthatcomewithwillingness.
Andwouldstthoumakeherunhappyforherwholelife,andthyselfnothappyforasinglemoment?
Hitherto,itisnottoolate;andthatperhapsisasmuchascanbesaid,ifthoumeanesttopreserveheresteemandgoodopinion,aswellasperson;forIthinkitisimpossibleshecangetoutofthyhandsnowsheisinthisaccursedhouse.OthatdamnedhypocriticalSinclair,asthoucallesther!Howwasitpossiblesheshouldbehavesospeciouslyasshedidallthetimetheladystaidwithus!--Behonest,andmarry;andbethankfulthatshewillcondescendtohavethee.Ifthoudostnot,thou
wiltbetheworstofmen;andwiltbecondemnedinthisworldandthenext:asIamsurethououghtest,andshouldesttoo,wertthoutobejudgedbyone,whoneverbeforewassomuchtouchedinawoman'sfavour;andwhomthouknowesttobe
Thypartialfriend,J.BELFORD.
OurcompanionsconsentedthatIshouldwithdrawtowritetotheaboveeffect.Theycanmakenothingofthecharacterswewritein;andsoIreadthistothem.Theyapproveofit;andoftheirownmotioneachmanwouldsethisnametoit.Iwouldnotdelaysendingit,forfearofsome
detestableschemetakingplace.THOMASBELTON,RICHARDMOWBRAY,JAMESTOURVILLE.
Justnowarebroughtmebothyours.Ivarynotmyopinion,norforbearmyearnestprayerstoyouinherbehalf,notwithstandingherdislikeofme.
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LETTERXVI
MR.LOVELACE,TOJOHNBELFORD,ESQ.WEDNESDAY,MAY3.
WhenIhavealreadytakenpainstoacquainttheeinfullwithregardtomyviews,designs,andresolutions,withregardtothisadmirablewoman,itisveryextraordinarythatthoushouldstvapourasthoudostinherbehalf,whenIhavemadenotrial,noattempt:andyet,givestitasthyopinioninaformerletter,thatadvantagemaybetakenofthesituationsheisin;andthatshemaybeovercome.
Mostofthyreflections,particularlythatwhichrespectsthedifferenceastothejoystobegivenbythevirtuousandlibertineofhersex,arefittertocomeinasafter-reflectionsthanasantecedencies.
Iownwiththee,andwiththepoet,thatsweetarethejoysthatcomewithwillingness--Butisittobeexpected,thatawomanofeducation,andaloverofforms,willyieldbeforesheisattacked?AndhaveIsomuchassummonedthistosurrender?IdoubtnotbutIshallmeetwithdifficulty.Imustthereforemakemyfirsteffortbysurprise.Theremaypossiblybesomecrueltynecessary:buttheremaybeconsentin
struggle;theremaybeyieldinginresistance.Butthefirstconflictover,whetherthefollowingmaynotbeweakerandweaker,tillwillingnessensue,isthepointtobetried.IwillillustratewhatIhavesaidbythesimileofabirdnewcaught.Webegin,whenboys,withbirds;andwhengrownup,goontowomen;andbothperhaps,inturn,experienceoursportivecruelty.
Hastthounotobserved,thecharminggradationsbywhichtheensnaredvolatilehasbeenbroughttobearwithitsnewcondition?how,atfirst,refusingallsustenance,itbeatsandbruisesitselfagainstitswires,tillitmakesitsgayplumageflyabout,andover-spreaditswell-securedcage.Nowitgetsoutitshead;stickingonlyatitsbeautifulshoulders:then,withdifficulty,drawingbackitshead,itgaspsfor
breath,anderectlyperched,withmeditatingeyes,firstsurveys,andthenattempts,itswiredcanopy.Asitgetsitsprettyheadandsides,bitesthewires,andpecksatthefingersofitsdelightedtamer.Tillatlast,findingitseffortsineffectual,quitetiredandbreathless,itlaysitselfdown,andpantsatthebottomofthecage,seemingtobemoanitscruelfateandforfeitedliberty.Andafterafewdays,itsstrugglestoescapestilldiminishingasitfindsittonopurposetoattemptit,itsnewhabitationbecomesfamiliar;andithopsaboutfromperchtoperch,resumesitswontedcheerfulness,andeverydaysingsasongtoamuseitselfandrewarditskeeper.
Nowlemetellthee,thatIhaveknownabirdactuallystarveitself,anddiewithgrief,atitsbeingcaughtandcaged.ButneverdidImeetwith
awomanwhowassosilly.--YethaveIheardthedearsoulsmostvehementlythreatentheirownlivesonsuchanoccasion.Butitissayingnothinginawoman'sfavour,ifwedonotallowhertohavemoresensethanabird.Andyetwemustallown,thatitismoredifficulttocatchabirdthanalady.
Topursuethecomparison--Ifthedisappointmentofthecaptivatedladybeverygreat,shewillthreaten,indeed,asIsaid:shewillevenrefusehersustenanceforsometime,especiallyifyouentreathermuch,andshethinksshegivesyouconcernbyherrefusal.Butthenthestomachofthe
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dearsullenonewillsoonreturn.'Tisprettytoseehowshecomestobydegrees:pressedbyappetite,shewillfirststeal,perhaps,aweepingmorselbyherself;thenbebroughttopiddleandsigh,andsighandpiddlebeforeyou;now-and-then,ifherviandsbeunsavoury,swallowingwiththemarelishingtearortwo:thenshecomestoeatanddrink,toobligeyou:thenresolvestoliveforyoursake:herexclamationswill,inthenextplace,beturnedintoblandishments;hervehementupbraidingsintogentlemurmuring--howdareyou,traitor!--intohowcouldyou,dearest!Shewilldrawyoutoher,insteadofpushingyoufromher:nolonger,withunsheathedclaws,willsheresistyou;but,likeapretty,playful,wantonkitten,withgentlepaws,andconcealedtalons,tapyourcheek,andwithintermingledsmiles,andtears,andcaresses,imploreyourconsiderationforher,andyourconstancy:allthefavourshethenhastoaskofyou!--Andthisisthetime,wereitgiventomantoconfinehimselftooneobject,tobehappiereverydaythananother.
Now,Belford,wereItogonofartherthanIhavegonewithmybelovedMissHarlowe,howshallIknowthedifferencebetweenherandanotherbird?Toletherflynow,whataprettyjestwouldthatbe!--HowdoIknow,exceptItry,whethershemaynotbebroughttosingmeafinesong,andtobeaswellcontentedasIhavebroughtotherbirdstobe,andveryshyonestoo?
Butnowletusreflectalittleupontheconfoundedpartialityofus
humancreatures.Icangivetwoorthreefamiliar,andiftheywerenotfamiliar,theywouldbeshocking,instancesofthecrueltybothofmenandwomen,withrespecttoothercreatures,perhapsasworthyas(atleastmoreinnocentthan)themselves.Bymysoul,Jack,thereismoreofthesavageonhumannaturethanwearecommonlyawareof.Norisit,afterall,somuchamiss,thatwesometimesavengethemoreinnocentanimalsuponourownspecies.
Toparticulars:
Howusualathingisitforwomenaswellasmen,withouttheleastremorse,toensnare,tocage,andtorment,andevenwithburningknitting-needlestoputouttheeyesofthepoorfeather'dsongster[thou
seestIhavenotyetdonewithbirds];whichhowever,inproportiontoitsbulk,hasmorelifethanthemselves(forabirdisallsoul;)andofconsequencehasasmuchfeelingasthehumancreature!whenatthesametime,ifanhonestfellow,bythegentlestpersuasion,andthesoftestarts,hasthegoodlucktoprevailuponamew'd-uplady,tocountenanceherownescape,andsheconsentstobreakcage,andbesetaflyingintotheall-cheeringairofliberty,mercyonus!whatanoutcryisgenerallyraisedagainsthim!
JustlikewhatyouandIoncesawraisedinapaltryvillagenearChelmsford,afterapoorhungryfox,who,watchinghisopportunity,hadseizedbytheneck,andshoulderedasleek-featheredgoose:atwhattimewebeheldthewholevicinageofboysandgirls,oldmen,andoldwomen,
allthefurrowsandwrinklesofthelatterfilledupwithmaliceforthetime;theoldmenarmedwithprongs,pitch-forks,clubs,andcatsticks;theoldwomenwithmops,brooms,fire-shovels,tongs,andpokers;andtheyoungerfrywithdirt,stones,andbrickbats,gatheringastheyranlikeasnowball,inpursuitofthewind-outstrippingprowler;allthemongrelcursofthecircumjacenciesyelp,yelp,yelp,attheirheels,completingthehorridchorus.
Rememebrestthounotthisscene?Surelythoumust.Myimagination,inflamedbyatendersympathyforthedangeroftheadventurousmarauder,
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representsittomyeyeasifitwerebutyesterday.Anddostthounotrecollecthowgenerouslygladwewere,asifourowncase,thathonestreynard,bythehelpofaluckystile,overwhichbotholdandyoungtumbledupononeanother,andawindingcourse,escapedtheirbrutalfury,andflyingcatsticks;andhow,infancy,wefollowedhimtohisundiscoveredretreat;andimaginedwebeheldtheintrepidthiefenjoyinghisdear-earnedpurchasewithadelightproportionedtohispastdanger?
Ioncemadeacharminglittlesavageseverelyrepentthedelightshetookinseeinghertabbyfavouritemakecruelsportwithaprettysleekbead-eyedmouse,beforeshedevouredit.Egad,mylove,saidItomyself,asIsatmeditatingthescene,Iamdeterminedtolieinwaitforafitopportunitytotryhowthouwiltliketobetostovermyhead,andbecaughtagain:howthouwiltliketobepartedfromme,andpulledtome.YetwillIrathergivelifethantakeitaway,asthisbarbarousquadrupedhasatlastdonebyherprey.Andafterallwasoverbetweenmygirlandme,Iremindedheroftheincidenttowhichmyresolutionwasowing.
NorhadIatanothertimeanymercyuponthedaughterofanoldepicure,whohadtaughtthegirl,withouttheleastremorse,toroastlobstersalive;tocauseapoorpigtobewhipttodeath;toscrapecarpthecontrarywayofthescales,makingthemleapinthestew-pan,anddressingthemintheirownbloodforsauce.Andthisforluxury-sake,
andtoprovokeanappetite;whichIhadwithoutstimulation,inmyway,andthatIcantelltheeaveryravenousone.
ManymoreinstancesofthelikenaturecouldIgive,wereItoleavenothingtothyself,toshewthatthebesttakethesameliberties,andperhapsworse,withsomesortofcreatures,thatwetakewithothers;allcreaturesstill!andcreaturestoo,asIhaveobservedabove,repletewithstronglife,andsensiblefeeling!--Ifthereforepeoplepretendtomercy,letmercygothroughalltheiractions.Ihaveheardsomewhere,thatamercifulmanismercifultohisbeast.
Somuchatpresentforthosepartsofthyletterinwhichthouurgesttomemotivesofcompassionforthelady.
ButIguessatthyprincipalmotiveinthisthyearnestnessinbehalfofthischarmingcreature.IknowthatthoucorrespondestwithLordM.whoisimpatient,andhaslongbeendesiroustoseemeshackled.Andthouwantesttomakeameritwiththeuncle,withaviewtooneofhisnieces.Butknowestthounot,thatmyconsentwillbewantingtocompletethywishes?--AndwhatacommendationwillitbeoftheetosuchagirlasCharlotte,whenIshallacquaintherwiththeaffrontthouputtestuponthewholesex,byasking,WhetherIthinkmyreward,whenIhavesubduedthemostcharmingwomanintheworld,willbeequaltomytrouble?--Which,thinkestthou,willawomanofspiritsoonestforgive;theundervaluingvarletwhocanputsuchaquestion;orhim,whoprefersthepursuitandconquestofafinewomantoallthejoysoflife?HaveInot
knownevenavirtuouswoman,asshewouldbethought,voweverlastingantipathytoamanwhogaveoutthatshewastoooldforhimtoattempt?AnddidnotEssex'spersonalreflectiononQueenElizabeth,thatshewasoldandcrooked,contributemoretohisruinthanhistreason?
Butanotherwordortwo,astothyobjectionrelatingtomytroubleandreward.
Doesnotthekeenfox-hunterendangerhisneckandhisbonesinpursuitofavermin,which,whenkilled,isneitherfitfoodformennordogs?
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Donotthehuntersofthenoblegamevaluethevenisonlessthanthesport?
WhythenshouldIbereflectedupon,andthesexaffronted,formypatienceandperseveranceinthemostnobleofallchases;andfornotbeingapoacherinlove,asthyquestionbemadetoimply?
Learnofthymaster,forthefuture,totreatmorerespectfullyasexthatyieldsusourprincipaldiversionsanddelights.
Proceedanon.
LETTERXVII
MR.LOVELACE[INCONTINUATION.]
Wellsayestthou,thatmineisthemostplottingheartintheworld.Thoudostmehonour;andIthanktheeheartily.Thouartnobadjudge.HowlikeBoileau'sparsonIstrutbehindmydoublechin!AmInot
obligedtodeservethycompliment?AndwouldstthouhavemerepentofamurderbeforeIhavecommittedit?
'TheVirtuesandGracesarethisLady'shandmaids.Shewascertainlyborntoadorntheageshewasgivento.'--Wellsaid,Jack--'Andwouldbeanornamenttothefirstdignity.'Butwhatpraiseisthat,unlessthefirstdignitywereadornedwiththefirstmerit?--Dignity!gew-gaw!--Firstdignity!thouidiot!--Artthou,whoknowestme,sotakenwithermineandtinsel?--I,whohavewonthegold,amonlyfittowearit.Forthefuturethereforecorrectthystyle,andproclaimhertheornamentofthehappiestman,and(respectingherselfandsex)thegreatestconquerorintheworld.
Then,thatshelovesme,asthouimaginest,bynomeansappearscleartome.Herconditionalofferstorenounceme;thelittleconfidencesheplacesinme;entitlemetoask,Whatmeritcanshehavewithaman,whowonherinspiteofherself;andwhofairly,insetandobstinatebattle,tookherprisoner?
Astowhatthouinferrestfromhereyewhenwithus,thouknowestnothingofherheartfromthat,ifthouimaginesttherewasoneglanceofloveshotfromit.WelldidInotehereye,andplainlydidIsee,thatitwasallbutjustcivildisgusttomeandtothecompanyIhadbroughtherinto.Herearlyretiringthatnight,againstallentreaty,mighthaveconvincedthee,thattherewasverylittleofthegentleinherheartforme.Andhereyeneverknewwhatitwastocontradictherheart.
Sheis,thousayest,allmind.SosayI.Butwhyshouldstthouimaginethatsuchamindashers,meetingwithsuchaoneasmine,and,todwellupontheword,meetingwithaninclinationinhers,shouldnotpropagatemindslikeherown?
WereItotakethystupidadvice,andmarry;whatafigureshouldImakeinrakishannals!Theladyinmypower:yetnothaveintendedtoputherselfinmypower:declaringagainstlove,andarebeltoit:somuchopen-eyedcaution:noconfidenceinmyhonour:herfamilyexpectingthe
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worsthathpassed:herselfseemingtoexpectthattheworstwillbeattempted:[PriscillaPartingtonforthat!]What!wouldstthounothavemeactincharacter?
Butwhycallestthoutheladyinnocent?Andwhysayestthoushelovesme?
Byinnocent,withregardtome,andnottakenasageneralcharacter,Imustinsistuponitsheisnotinnocent.Canshebeinnocent,who,bywishingtoshacklemeintheprimeandgloryofmyyouth,withsuchacapacityasIhavefornoblemischief,*wouldmakemyperditionmorecertain,wereItobreak,asIdoubtIshould,themostsolemnvowIcouldmake?Isaynomanoughttotakeevenacommonoath,whothinkshecannotkeepit.Thisisconscience!Thisishonour!--AndwhenIthinkIcankeepthemarriage-vow,thenwillitbetimetomarry.
*SeeVol.III.LetterXXIII.Paragr.4.
Nodoubtofit,asthousayest,thedevilswouldrejoiceinthefallofsuchawoman.Butthisismyconfidence,thatIshallhaveitinmypowertomarrywhenIwill.AndifIdoherthisjustice,shallInothaveaclaimofhergratitude?Andwillshenotthinkherselfthe
obliged,ratherthantheobliger?Thenletmetellthee,Belford,itisimpossiblesofartohurtthemoralsofthislady,asthouandthybrothervarletshavehurtothersofthesex,whonowarecastingaboutthetownfirebrandsanddoubledeath.Takeyethatthistletomumbleupon.
***
Ashortinterruption.Inowresume.
Thatthemoralsofthisladycannotfail,isaconsiderationthatwill
lessentheguiltonbothsides.Andif,whensubdued,sheknowsbuthowtomiddlethematterbetweenvirtueandlove,thenwillshebeawifeforme:foralreadyIamconvincedthatthereisnotawomanintheworldthatislove-proofandplot-proof,ifshebenottheperson.
Andnowimagine(thecharmerovercome)thouseestmesittingsupinelycross-kneed,recliningonmysofa,thegodoflovedancinginmyeyes,andrejoicingineverymantlingfeature;thesweetrogue,latesuchaproudrogue,whollyinmypower,movingupslowlytome,atmybeck,withheavingsighs,half-pronouncedupbraidingsfrommurmuringlips,herfingerinhereye,andquickeningherpaceatmyComehither,dearest!
Onehandstuckinmyside,theotherextendedtoencourageherbashful
approach--Kissme,love!--sweet,asJackBelfordsays,arethejoysthatcomewithwillingness.
Shetendersherpurplemouth[hercorallipswillbepurplethen,Jack!]:sighnotsodeeply,mybeloved!--Happierhoursawaitthyhumblelove,thandidthyproudresistance.
Oncemorebenttomyardentlipstheswannyglossinessofanecklatesostately.--
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There'smyprecious!
Again!
Obligingloveliness!
Omyever-bloomingglory!Ihavetriedtheeenough.To-morrow'ssun--
ThenIrise,andfoldtomyalmost-talkingheartthethrobbing-bosom'dcharmer.
Andnowshallthyhumbleprideconfessitsobligationtome!
To-morrow'ssun--andthenIdisengagemyselffromthebashfulpassive,andstalkabouttheroom--to-morrow'ssunshallgildthealtaratwhichmyvowsshallbepaidthee!
Then,Jack,therapture!thenthedartedsun-beamsfromhergladdenedeye,drinkingup,atonesip,thepreciousdistillationfromthepearl-droptcheek!Thenhandsardentlyfolded,eyesseemingtopronounce,GodblessmyLovelace!tosupplythejoy-lockedtongue:hertransportstoostrong,andexpressiontooweak,togiveutterancetohergratefulmeanings!--All--allthestudies--allthestudiesofherfuturelifevowedanddevoted(whenshecanspeak)toacknowledgeandreturntheperpetual
obligation!IfIcouldbringmycharmertothis,woulditnotbetheeligibleofeligibles?--Isitnotworthtryingfor?--AsIsaid,IcanmarryherwhenIwill.Shecanbenobody'sbutmine,neitherforshame,norbychoice,noryetbyaddress:forwho,thatknowsmycharacter,believesthattheworstshedreadsisnowtobedreaded?
Ihavethehighestopinionthatmancanhave(thouknowestIhave)ofthemeritandperfectionsofthisadmirablewoman;ofhervirtueandhonourtoo,althoughthou,inaformer,artofopinionthatshemaybeovercome.*AmInotthereforeobligedtogofurther,inordertocontradictthee,and,asIhaveoftenurged,tobesurethatsheiswhat
Ireallythinkhertobe,and,ifIamevertomarryher,hopetofindher?
*SeeVol.III.LetterLI.Paragr.9.
Thenthisladyisamistressofourpassions:nooneeverhadtosomuchperfectiontheartofmoving.Thisallherfamilyknow,andhaveequallyfearedandreveredherforit.ThisIknowtoo;anddoubtnotmoreandmoretoexperience.Howcharminglymustthisdivinecreaturewarbleforth(ifaproperoccasionbegiven)hermelodiouselegiacs!--Infinitebeautiesarethereinaweepingeye.Ifirsttaughtthetwonymphsbelow
todistinguishtheseveralaccentsofthelamentableinanewsubject,andhowadmirablysome,morethanothers,becometheirdistresses.
Buttoreturntothyobjections--Thouwiltperhapstellme,inthenamesofthybrethren,aswellasinthyownname,that,amongalltheobjectsofyourrespectiveattempts,therewasnotoneoftherankandmeritofmycharmingMissHarlowe.
Butletmeask,Hasitnotbeenaconstantmaximwithus,thatthegreaterthemeritonthewoman'sside,thenoblerthevictoryonthe
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man's?Andastorank,senseofhonour,senseofshame,prideoffamily,maymakerifledrankgetup,andshakeitselftorights:andifanythingcomeofit,suchaonemaysufferonlyinherpride,bybeingobligedtotakeupwithasecond-ratematchinsteadofafirst;and,asitmayfallout,bethehappier,aswellasthemoreuseful,forthemisadventure;since(takenoffofherpublicgaddings,anddomesticatedbyherdisgrace)shewillhavereasontothinkherselfobligedtothemanwhohassavedherfromfurtherreproach;whileherfortuneandalliancewilllayanobligationuponhim;andherpastfall,ifshehaveprudenceandconsciousness,willbehispresentandfuturesecurity.
Butapoorgirl[suchaoneasmyRosebudforinstance]havingnorecallsfromeducation;beingdrivenoutofeveryfamilythatpretendstoreputation;persecutedmostperhapsbysuchashaveonlykepttheirsecretbetter;andhavingnorefugetoflyto--thecommon,thestews,thestreet,isthefateofsuchapoorwretch;penury,want,anddisease,hersureattendants;andanuntimelyendperhapsclosesthemiserablescene.
Andwillyounotnowalljointosay,thatitismoremanlytoattachalionthanasheep?--Thouknowest,thatIalwaysillustratedmyeagleship,byaimingatthenoblestquarries;andbydisdainingtomakeastoopatwrens,phyl-tits,*andwag-tails.
*Phyl-tits,q.d.Phyllis-tits,inoppositiontoTom-tits.Itneedsnotnowbeobserved,thatMr.Lovelace,inthiswantongaietyofhisheart,oftentakeslibertiesofcoiningwordsandphrasesinhisletterstothishisfamiliarfriend.SeehisludicrousreasonforitinVol.III.LetterXXV.Paragr.antepenult.
Theworstrespectingmyself,inthecasebeforeme,isthatmytriumph,whencompleted,willbesogloriousaone,thatIshallneverbeabletokeepuptoit.Allmyfutureattemptsmustbepoortothis.Ishallbeasunhappy,afterawhile,frommyreflectionsuponthisconquest,asDonJuanofAustriawasinhis,ontherenownedvictoryofLepanto,whenhefoundthatnoneoffutureachievementscouldkeeppacewithhisearlyglory.
Iamsensiblethatmypleasandmyreasoningmaybeeasilyanswered,andperhapsjustlycensured;Butbywhomcensured?Notbyanyoftheconfraternity,whoseconstantcourseoflife,evenlongbeforeIbecameyourgeneral,tothishour,hasjustifiedwhatyenowinafitofsqueamishness,andthroughenvy,condemn.Having,therefore,vindicatedmyselfandmyintentionstoYOU,thatisallIamatpresentconcernedfor.
Beconvinced,then,thatI(accordingtoourprinciples)amright,thouwrong;or,atleast,besilent.ButIcommandtheetobeconvinced.Andinthynextbesuretotellmethatthouart.
LETTERXVIII
MR.BELFORD,TOROBERTLOVELACE,ESQ.EDGEWARE,THURSDAY,MAY4.
Iknowthatthouartsoabandonedaman,thattogivetheethebestreasonsintheworldagainstwhatthouhastonceresolveduponwillbe
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butactingthemadmanwhomoncewesawtryingtobuffetdownahurricanewithhishat.Ihope,however,thatthelady'smeritwillstillavailherwiththee.But,ifthoupersistest;ifthouwiltavengethyselfonthissweetlambwhichthouhastsingledoutfromaflockthouhatest,forthefaultsofthedogswhokeptit:ifthouartnottobemovedbybeauty,bylearning,byprudence,byinnocence,allshiningoutinonecharmingobject;butshemustfall,fallbythemanwhomshehaschosenforherprotector;Iwouldnotforathousandworldshavethycrimetoanswerfor.
Uponmyfaith,Lovelace,thesubjectstickswithme,notwithstandingIfindIhavenothehonourofthelady'sgoodopinion.Andthemore,whenIreflectuponherfather'sbrutalcurse,andthevillainoushard-heartednessofallherfamily.But,nevertheless,Ishouldbedesiroustoknow(ifthouwiltproceed)bywhatgradations,arts,andcontrivancesthoueffectestthyingratefulpurpose.And,OLovelace,Iconjurethee,ifthouartaman,letnotthespeciousdevilsthouhasbroughtheramongbesufferedtotriumphoverher;yieldtofairseductions,ifImaysoexpressmyself!ifthoucanstraiseaweaknessinherbylove,orbyartsnotinhuman;Ishallthelesspityher:andshallthenconclude,thatthereisnotawomanintheworldwhocanresistaboldandresolutelover.
Amessengerisjustnowarrivedfrommyuncle.Themortification,it
seems,isgottohisknee;andthesurgeonsdeclarethathecannotlivemanydays.Hethereforesendsformedirectly,withtheseshockingwords,thatIwillcomeandclosehiseyes.Myservantorhismustofnecessitybeintowneverydayonhiscase,orotheraffairs;andoneofthemshallregularlyattendyouforanyletterorcommands.Itwillbecharitytowritetomeasoftenasyoucan.ForalthoughIamlikelytobeaconsiderablegainerbythepoorman'sdeath,yetIcannotsaythatIatalllovethesescenesofdeathandthedoctorsonearme.ThedoctoranddeathIshouldhavesaid;forthatisthenaturalorder,andgenerallyspeaking,theoneisbuttheharbingertotheother.
If,therefore,youdeclinetoobligeme,Ishallthinkyouaredispleasedwithmyfreedom.Butletmetellyou,atthesame,thatnomanhasa
righttobedispleasedatfreedomstakenwithhimforfaultsheisnotashamedtobeguiltyof.
J.BELFORD.
LETTERXIX
MISSCLARISSAHARLOWE,TOMISSHOWE
IthankyouandMr.Hickmanforhisletter,sentmewithsuchkind
expedition;andproceedtoobeymydearmenacingtyranness.
[ShethengivestheparticularsofwhatpassedbetweenherselfandMr.LovelaceonTuesdaymorning,inrelationtohisfourfriends,andtoMissPartington,prettymuchtothesameeffectasinMr.Lovelace'sLetter,No.XIII.Andthenproceeds:]
Heisconstantlyaccusingmeofover-scrupulousness.Hesays,'Iamalwaysoutofhumourwithhim:thatIcouldnothavebehavedmore
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reservedlytoMr.Solmes:andthatitiscontrarytoallhishopesandnotions,thatheshouldnot,insolongatime,findhimselfabletoinspiretheperson,whomhehopedsosoontohavethehonourtocallhis,withtheleastdistinguishingtendernessforhimbefore-hand.'
Sillyandpartialencroacher!nottoknowtowhattoattributethereserveIamforcedtotreathimwith!Buthispridehaseatenuphisprudence.Itisindeedadirtylowpride,thathasswallowedupthetruepridewhichshouldhavesethimabovethevanitythathasoverrunhim.
Yethepretendsthathehasnopridebutinobligingme:andisalwaystalkingofhisreverenceandhumility,andsuchsortofstuff:butofthisIamsurethathehas,asIobservedthefirsttimeIsawhim,*toomuchregardtohisownperson,greatlytovaluethatofhiswife,marryhewhomhewill:andImustbeblind,ifIdidnotseethatheisexceedinglyvainofhisexternaladvantages,andofthataddress,which,ifithasanymeritinittoanoutwardeye,isperhapsowingmoretohisconfidencethat[sic]toanythingelse.
*SeeVol.I.LetterIII.
Haveyounotbeheldtheman,whenIwasyourhappyguest,ashewalkedto
hischariot,lookingabouthim,asiftoobservewhateyeshisspeciouspersonandairhadattracted?
Butindeedwehadsomehomelycoxcombsasproudasiftheyhadpersonstobeproudof;atthesametimethatitwasapparent,thatthepainstheytookaboutthemselvesbutthemoreexposedtheirdefects.
Themanwhoisfondofbeingthoughtmoreorbetterthanheis,asIhaveoftenobserved,butprovokesascrutinyintohispretensions;andthatgenerallyproducescontempt.Forpride,asIbelieveIhaveheretoforesaid,isaninfalliblesignofweakness;ofsomethingwrongintheheadorinboth.Hethatexaltshimselfinsultshisneighbour;whoisprovokedtoquestioninhimeventhatmerit,which,werehemodest,would
perhapsbeallowedtobehisdue.
YouwillsaythatIamverygrave:andsoIam.Mr.LovelaceisextremelysunkinmyopinionsinceMondaynight:norseeIbeforemeanythingthatcanaffordmeapleasinghope.Forwhat,withamindsounequalashis,canbemybesthope?
IthinkImentionedtoyou,inmyformer,thatmyclotheswerebroughtme.Youflutteredmeso,thatIamnotsureIdid.ButIknowIdesignedtomentionthattheywere.TheywerebroughtmeonThursday;butneithermyfewguineaswiththem,noranyofmybooks,exceptaDrexeliusonEternity,thegoodoldPracticeofPiety,andaFrancisSpira.Mybrother'swit,Isuppose.Hethinkshedoeswelltopointout
deathanddespairtome.Iwishfortheone,andeverynow-and-thenamonthebrinkoftheother.
Youwillthelesswonderatmybeingsoverysolemn,when,addedtotheabove,andtomyuncertainsituation,Itellyou,thattheyhavesentmewiththesebooksaletterformmycousinMorden.IthassetmyheartagainstMr.Lovelace.Againstmyselftoo.Isenditenclosed.Ifyouplease,mydear,youmayreadithere:
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COL.MORDEN,TOMISSCLARISSAHARLOWE
Florence,April13.
Iamextremelyconcernedtohearofadifferencebetwixttherestofafamilysonearanddeartome,andyoustilldearertothananyoftherest.
MycousinJameshasacquaintedmewiththeoffersyouhavehad,andwithyourrefusals.Iwondernotateither.SuchcharmingpromisesatsoearlyanageaswhenIleftEngland;andthosepromises,asIhaveoftenheard,sogreatlyexceeded,aswellinyourpersonasmind;howmuchmustyoubeadmired!howfewmusttherebeworthyofyou!
Yourparents,themostindulgentintheworld,toachildthemostdeserving,havegivenwayitseemstoyourrefusalofseveralgentlemen.Theyhavecontentedthemselvesatlasttonameonewithearnestnesstoyou,becauseoftheaddressofanotherwhomtheycannotapprove.
Theyhadnotreason,itseems,fromyourbehaviour,tothinkyougreatlyaverse:sotheyproceeded:perhapstoohastilyforadelicacylikeyour's.Butwhenallwasfixedontheirparts,andmostextraordinarytermsconcludedinyourfavour;terms,whichabundantlyshowthegentleman'sjustvalueforyou;youflewoffwithawarmthandvehemence
littlesuitedtothatsweetnesswhichgavegracetoallyouractions.Iknowverylittleofeitherofthegentlemen:butofMr.LovelaceIknowmorethanofMr.Solmes.IwishIcouldsaymoretohisadvantagethanIcan.Astoeveryqualificationbutone,yourbrotherownsthereisnocomparison.Butthatoneoutweighsalltheresttogether.ItcannotbethoughtthatMissClarissaHarlowewilldispensewithMORALSinahusband.
What,mydearestcousin,shallIpleadfirsttoyouonthisoccasion?Yourduty,yourinterest,yourtemporalandyoureternalwelfare,do,andmayall,dependuponthissinglepoint,themoralityofahusband.Awomanwhohathawickedhusbandmayfinditdifficulttobegood,andout
ofherpowertodogood;andisthereforeinaworsesituationthanthemancanbein,whohathabadwife.Youpreserveallyourreligiousregards,Iunderstand.Iwondernotthatyoudo.Ishouldhavewonderedhadyounot.Butwhatcanyoupromiseyouself,astoperseveranceinthem,withanimmoralhusband?
Ifyourparentsandyoudifferinsentimentonthisimportantoccasion,letmeaskyou,mydearcousin,whooughttogiveway?Iowntoyou,thatIshouldhavethoughttherecouldnotanywherehavebeenamoresuitablematchforyouthanMr.Lovelace,hadhebeenamoralman.Ishouldhaveverylittletosayagainstaman,ofwhoseactionsIamnottosetupmyselfasajudge,didhenotaddressmycousin.But,onthisoccasion,letmetellyou,mydearClarissa,thatMr.Lovelacecannot
possiblydeserveyou.Hemayreform,you'llsay:buthemaynot.Habitisnotsoonoreasilyshakenoff.Libertines,whoarelibertinesindefianceoftalents,ofsuperiorlights,ofconviction,hardlyeverreformbutbymiracle,orbyincapacity.WelldoIknowmineownsex.WellamIabletojudgeoftheprobabilityofthereformationofalicentiousyoungman,whohasnotbeenfasteneduponbysickness,byaffliction,bycalamity:whohasaprosperousrunoffortunebeforehim:hisspiritshigh:hiswilluncontroulable:thecompanyhekeeps,perhapssuchashimself,confirminghiminallhiscourses,assistinghiminallhisenterprises.
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Astotheothergentleman,suppose,mydearcousin,youdonotlikehimatpresent,itisfarfrombeingunlikelythatyouwillhereafter:perhapsthemorefornotlikinghimnow.Hecanhardlysinklowerinyouropinion:hemayrise.Veryseldomisitthathighexpectationsaresomuchastolerablyanswered.Howindeedcanthey,whenafineandextensiveimaginationcarriesitsexpectationinfinitelybeyondreality,inthehighestofoursublunaryenjoyments?Awomanadornedwithsuchanimaginationseesnodefectinafavouredobject,(theless,ifshebenotconsciousofanywilfulfaultinherself,)tillitistoolatetorectifythemistakesoccasionedbyhergenerouscredulity.
Butsupposeapersonofyourtalentsweretomarryamanofinferiortalents;Who,inthiscase,canbesohappyinherselfasMissClarissaHarlowe?Whatdelightdoyoutakeindoinggood!Howhappilydoyoudevotetheseveralportionsofthedaytoyourownimprovement,andtotheadvantageofallthatmovewithinyoursphere!--Andthen,suchisyourtaste,suchareyouracquirementsinthepoliterstudies,andinthepoliteramusements;suchyourexcellenceinallthedifferentpartsofeconomyfitforayounglady'sinspectionandpractice,thatyourfriendswouldwishyoutobetakenoffaslittleaspossiblebyregardsthatmaybecalledmerelypersonal.
Butastowhatmaybetheconsequencerespectingyourself,respectinga
youngladyofyourtalents,fromthepreferenceyouaresuspectedtogivetoalibertine,Iwouldhaveyou,mydearcousin,considerwhatthatmaybe.Amindsopure,tominglewithamindimpure!Andwillnotsuchamanasthisengrossallyoursolitudes?Willhenotperpetuallyfillyouwithanxietiesforhimandforyourself?--Thedivineandcivilpowersdefied,andtheirsanctionsbrokenthroughbyhim,oneverynotmerelyaccidentalbutmeditatedoccasion.Tobeagreeabletohim,andtohopetopreserveaninterestinhisaffections,youmustprobablybeobligedtoabandonallyourownlaudablepursuits.Youmustenterintohispleasuresanddistastes.Youmustgiveupyourvirtuouscompanionsforhisprofligateones--perhapsbeforsakenbyyour's,becauseofthescandalhedailygives.Canyouhope,cousin,withsuchamanasthistobelongsogoodasyounoware?Ifnot,considerwhichofyourpresent
laudabledelightsyouwouldchoosetogiveup!whichofhisculpableonestofollowhimin!Howcouldyoubrooktogobackward,insteadofforward,inthosedutieswhichyounowsoexemplarilyperform?andhowdoyouknow,ifyouoncegiveway,whereyoushallbesuffered,whereyoushallbeable,tostop?
YourbrotheracknowledgesthatMr.SolmesisnotnearsoagreeableinpersonasMr.Lovelace.ButwhatispersonwithsuchaladyasIhavethehonourtobenowwritingto?HeownslikewisethathehasnottheaddressofMr.Lovelace:butwhatamerepersonaladvantageisaplausibleaddress,withoutmorals?Awomanhadbettertakeahusbandwhosemannerssheweretofashion,thantofindthemready-fashionedtoherhand,atthepriceofhermorality;apricethatisoftenpaidfor
travellingaccomplishments.Omydearcousin,wereyoubutwithushereatFlorence,oratRome,oratParis,(wherealsoIresidedformanymonths,)toseethegentlemenwhosesupposedroughEnglishmannersatsettingoutaretobepolished,andwhattheirimprovementareintheirreturnthroughthesameplaces,youwouldinfinitelypreferthemaninhisfirststagetothesamemaninhislast.Youfindthedifferenceontheirreturn--afondnessforforeignfashions,anattachmenttoforeignvices,asuperciliouscontemptofhisowncountryandcountrymen;(himselfmoredespicablethanthemostdespicableofthosehedespises;)these,withanunblushingeffrontery,aretoogenerallytheattainments
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thatconcurtofinishthetravelledgentleman!
Mr.Lovelace,Iknow,deservestohaveanexceptionmadeinhisfavour;forhereallyisamanofpartsandlearning:hewasesteemedsobothhereandatRome;andafineperson,andagenerousturnofmind,gavehimgreatadvantages.Butyouneednotbetold,thatalibertineofweakpartsisabletodo.AndthisIwilltellyoufurther,thatitwasMr.Lovelace'sownfaultthathewasnotstillmorerespectedthanhewasamongtheliteratihere.Therewere,inshort,somelibertiesinwhichheindulgedhimself,thatendangeredhispersonandhisliberty;andmadethebestandmostworthyofthosewhohonouredhimwiththeirnoticegivehimup,andhisstaybothatFlorenceandatRomeshorterthanhedesigned.
ThisisallIchoosetosayofMr.Lovelace.Ihadmuchratherhavehadreasontogivehimaquitecontrarycharacter.Butastorakesorlibertinesingeneral,I,whoknowthemwell,mustbeallowed,becauseofthemischiefstheyhavealwaysintheirhearts,andtoooftenintheirpower,todoyoursex,toaddstillafewmorewordsuponthistopic.
Alibertine,mydearcousin,aplotting,anintriguinglibertine,mustbegenerallyremorseless--unjusthemustalwaysbe.Thenobleruleofdoingtootherswhathewouldhavedonetohimselfisthefirstrulehebreaks;andeverydayhebreaksit;theoftener,thegreaterhistriumph.Hehas
greatcontemptforyoursex.Hebelievesnowomanchaste,becauseheisaprofligate.Everywomanwhofavourshimconfirmshiminhiswickedincredulity.Heisalwaysplottingtoextendthemischiefshedelightsin.Ifawomanlovessuchaman,howcanshebearthethoughtofdividingherinterestinhisaffectionswithhalfthetown,andthatperhapsthedregsofit?Thensosensual!--Howwillayoungladyofyourdelicacybearwithsosensualaman?amanwhomakesajestofhisvows?andwhoperhapswillbreakyourspiritbythemostunmanlyinsults.Tobealibertine,istocontinuetobeeverythingvileandinhuman.Prayers,tears,andthemostabjectsubmission,arebutfueltohispride:wageringperhapswithlewdcompanions,and,notimprobably,withlewderwomen,uponinstanceswhichheboastoftothemofyourpatientsufferings,andbrokenspirit,andbringingthemhometowitnessboth.
IwritewhatIknowhasbeen.
Imentionnotfortunessquandered,estatesmortgagedorsold,andposterityrobbed--noryetamultitudeofotherevils,toogross,tooshocking,tobementionedtoapersonofyourdelicacy.
Allthese,mydearcousin,tobeshunned,alltheevilsIhavenamedtobeavoided;thepowerofdoingallthegoodyouhavebeenaccustomedto,preserved,nay,increased,bytheseparateprovisionthatwillbemadeforyou:yourcharmingdiversions,andexemplaryemployments,allmaintained;andeverygoodhabitperpetuated:andallbyonesacrifice,thefadingpleasureoftheeye!whowouldnot,(sinceeverythingisnot
tobemetwithinoneman,whowouldnot,)topreservesomanyessentials,giveuptolight,sounpermanentapleasure!
Weighallthesethings,whichImightinsistupontomoreadvantage,didIthinkitneedfultooneofyourprudence--weighthemwell,mybelovedcousin;andifitbenotthewillofyourparentsthatyoushouldcontinuesingle,resolvetoobligethem;andletitnotbesaidthatthepowersoffancyshall(asinmanyothersofyoursex)betoohardforyourdutyandyourprudence.Thelessagreeabletheman,themoreobligingthecompliance.Remember,thatheisasoberman--amanwhohas
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reputationtolose,andwhosereputationthereforeisasecurityforhisgoodbehaviourtoyou.
Youhaveanopportunityofferedyoutogivethehighestinstancethatcanbegivenoffilialduty.Embraceit.Itisworthyofyou.Itisexpectedfromyou;however,foryourinclination-sake,wemaybesorrythatyouarecalledupontogiveit.Letitbesaidthatyouhavebeenabletolayanobligationuponyourparents,(aproudword,mycousin!)whichyoucouldnotdo,wereitnotlaidagainstyourinclination!--uponparentswhohavelaidathousanduponyou:whoaresetuponthispoint:whowillnotgiveitup:whohavegivenupmanypointstoyou,evenofthisverynature:andintheirturn,forthesakeoftheirownauthority,aswellasjudgment,expecttobeobliged.
IhopeIshallsoon,inperson,congratulateyouuponthisyourmeritoriouscompliance.Tosettleandgiveupmytrusteeshipisoneoftheprincipalmotivesofmyleavingtheseparts.Ishallbegladtosettleittoeveryone'ssatisfaction;toyoursparticularly.
IfonmyarrivalIfindahappyunion,asformerly,reigninafamilysodeartome,itwillbeanunspeakablepleasuretome;andIshallperhapssodisposemyaffairs,astobenearyouforever.
Ihavewrittenaverylongletter,andwilladdnomore,thanthatIam,
withthegreatestrespect,mydearestcousin,Yourmostaffectionateandfaithfulservant,WM.MORDEN.
***
Iwillsuppose,mydearMissHowe,thatyouhavereadmycousin'sletter.Itisnowinvaintowishithadcomesooner.Butifithad,ImightperhapshavebeensorashastogiveMr.Lovelacethefatalmeeting,asIlittlethoughtofgoingawaywithhim.
ButIshouldhardlyhavegivenhimtheexpectationofsodoing,previoustothemeeting,whichmadehimcomeprepared;andtherevocationofwhichhesoartfullymadeineffectual.
PersecutedasIwas,andlittleexpectingsomuchcondescension,asmyaunt,tomygreatmortification,hastoldme(andyouconfirm)Ishouldhavemetwith,itis,however,hardtosaywhatIshouldorshouldnothavedoneastomeetinghim,haditcomeintime:butthiseffectIverilybelieveitwouldhavehad--tohavemademeinsistwithallmymightongoingover,outofalltheirways,tothekindwriteroftheinstructiveletter,andonmakingafather(aprotector,aswellasafriend)ofakinsman,whoisoneofmytrustees.This,circumstancedas
Iwas,wouldhavebeenanatural,atleastanunexceptionableprotection!--ButIwastobeunhappy!andhowitcutsmetothehearttothink,thatIcanalreadysubscribetomycousin'scharacterofalibertine,sowelldrawnintheletterwhichIsupposeyounowtohaveread!
Thatamanofacharacterwhicheverwasmyabhorrenceshouldfalltomylot!--But,dependingonmyownstrength;havingnoreasontoapprehenddangerfromheadstronganddisgracefulimpulses;ItoolittleperhapscastupmyeyestotheSupremeDirector:inwhom,mistrustingmyself,Ioughttohaveplacedmywholeconfidence--andthemore,whenIsawmyself
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Shegivestheparticularsofaconversationthathaspassedbetweenthemonthatsubject,andhisseveralproposals.Buttakesnotice,thathesaysnottheleastwordofthesolemnitywhichhesomuchpressedforbeforetheycametotown;andwhich,assheobserves,wasnecessarytogiveproprietytohisproposals.]
Now,mydear,shesays,IcannotbearthelifeIlive.Iwouldbegladatmyhearttobeoutofhisreach.IfIwere,heshouldsoonfindthedifference.IfImustbehumbled,ithadbetterbebythosetowhomIoweduty,thanbyhim.Myauntwritesinherletter,*thatSHEdarenotproposeanythinginmyfavour.Youtellme,thatuponinquiry,youfind,*that,hadInotbeenunhappilyseducedaway,achangeofmeasureswasactuallyresolvedupon;andthatmymother,particularly,wasdeterminedtoexertherselffortherestorationofthefamilypeace;and,inordertosucceedthebetter,hadthoughtsoftryingtoengagemyuncleHarloweinherparty.
*SeeVol.III.LetterLII.**Ibid.LetterVIII.
Letmebuildonthesefoundations.Icanbuttry,mydear.Itismydutytotryallprobablymethodstorestorethepooroutcasttofavour.
Andwhoknowsbutthatonceindulgentuncle,whohasverygreatweightinthefamily,maybeinducedtointerposeinmybehalf?Iwillgiveupallrightandtitletomygrandfather'sdevisesandbequests,withallmyheartandsoul,towhomtheyplease,inordertomakemyproposalpalatabletomybrother.Andthatmysurrendermaybeeffectual,Iwillengagenevertomarry.
Whatthinkyou,mydear,ofthisexpedient?Surely,theycannotresolvetorenouncemeforever.Iftheylookwithimpartialeyesuponwhathashappened,theywillhavesomethingtoblamethemselvesfor,aswellasme.
Ipresume,thatyouwillbeofopinionthatthisexpedientisworth
trying.Buthereismydifficulty:IfIshouldwrite,myhard-heartedbrotherhassostronglyconfederatedthemallagainstme,thatmyletterwouldbehandedaboutfromonetoanother,tillhehadhardenedeveryonetorefusemyrequest;whereascouldmyunclebeengagedtoespousemycause,asfromhimself,Ishouldhavesomehope,asIpresumetothinkhewouldsoonhavemymotherandmyauntofhisparty.
What,therefore,Iamthinkingof,isthis--'SupposeMr.Hickman,whosegoodcharacterhasgainedhimeverybody'srespect,shouldputhimselfinmyuncleHarlowe'sway?And(asiffromyourknowledgeofthestateofthingsbetweenMr.Lovelaceandme)assurehimnotonlyoftheaboveparticulars,butthatIamundernoobligationsthatshallhindermefromtakinghisdirections?'
Isubmitthewholetoyourconsideration,whethertopursueitatall,orinwhatmanner.Butifitbepursued,andifmyunclerefusestointeresthimselfinmyfavouruponMr.Hickman'sapplicationasfromyou,(forso,forobviousreasons,itmustbeput,)Icanthenhavenohope;andmynextstep,inthemindIamin,shallbetothrowmyselfintotheprotectionoftheladiesofhisfamily.
Itwereanimpietytoadoptthefollowinglines,becauseitwouldbethrowinguponthedecreesofProvidenceafaulttoomuchmyown.But
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oftendoIrevolvethem,forthesakeofthegeneralsimilitudewhichtheybeartomyunhappy,yetundersignederror.
Toyou,greatgods!Imakemylastappeal:Orclearmyvirtue,ormycrimesreveal.Ifwand'ringinthemazeoflifeIrun,AndbackwardtreadthestepsIsoughttoshun,Imputemyerrortoyourowndecree:MyFEETareguilty:butmyHEARTisfree.
[TheLadydatesagainonMonday,toletMissHoweknow,thatMr.Lovelace,onobservingheruneasiness,hadintroducedtoherMr.Mennell,Mrs.Fretchville'skinsman,whomanagedallheraffairs.Shecallshimayoungofficerofsenseandpoliteness,whogaveheranaccountofthehouseandfurniture,tothesameeffectthatMr.Lovelacehaddonebefore;*asalsoofthemelancholywayMrs.Fretchvilleisin.
*SeeLetterIV.ofthisvolume.
ShetellsMissHowehowextremelyurgentMr.Lovelacewaswiththe
gentleman,togethisspouse(ashenowalwayscallsherbeforecompany)asightofthehouse:andthatMr.Mennellundertookthatveryafternoontoshowherallofit,excepttheapartmentMrs.Fretchvilleshouldbeinwhenshewent.Butthatshechosenottotakeanothersteptillsheknewhowsheapprovedofherschemetohaveherunclesounded,andwithwhatsuccess,iftried,itwouldbeattended.
Mr.Lovelace,inhishumourousway,giveshisfriendanaccountoftheLady'speevishnessanddejection,onreceivingaletterwithherclothes.Heregretsthathehaslostherconfidence;whichheattributestohisbringingherintothecompanyofhisfourcompanions.Yethethinkshemustexcusethem,andcensureherfor
over-niceness;forthatheneversawmenbehavebetter,atleastnotthem.
MentioninghisintroducingMr.Mennelltoher,]
Now,Jack,sayshe,wasitnotverykindofMr.Mennell[CaptainMennellIsometimescalledhim;foramongthemilitarythereisnosuchofficer,thouknowest,asalieutenant,oranensign--wasitnotverykindinhim]tocomealongwithmesoreadilyashedid,tosatisfymybelovedaboutthevapourishladyandthehouse?
ButwhoisCapt.Mennell?methinksthouaskest:IneverheardofsuchamanasCaptainMennell.
Verylikely.ButknowestthounotyoungNewcomb,honestDoleman'snewphew?
O-ho!Isithe?
Itis.AndIhavechangedhisnamebyvirtueofmyownsingleauthority.Knowestthounot,thatIamagreatname-father?PrefermentIbestow,bothmilitaryandcivil.Igiveestates,andtakethemawayatmypleasure.QualitytooIcreate.Andbyastillmorevaluable
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prerogative,Idegradebyvirtueofmyownimperialwill,withoutanyotheractofforfeiturethanmyownconvenience.Whatapoorthingisamonarchtome!
ButMennell,nowhehasseenthisangelofawoman,hasqualms;that'sthedevil!--Ishallhaveenoughtodotokeephimright.Butitisthelesswonder,thatheshouldstagger,whenafewhours'conversationwiththesameladycouldmakefourmuchmorehardenedvarletsfindhearts--only,thatIamconfident,thatIshallatleastrewardhervirtue,ifhervirtueovercomeme,orIshouldfinditimpossibletopersevere--forattimesIhaveconfoundedqualmsmyself.Butsaynotawordofthemtotheconfraternity:norlaughatmeforthemthyself.
Inanotherletter,datedMondaynight,hewritesasfollows:
Thisperverseladykeepsmeatsuchadistance,thatIamsuresomethingisgoingonbetweenherandMissHowe,notwithstandingtheprohibitionfromMrs.Howetoboth:andasIhavethoughtitsomedegreeofmeritinmyselftopunishothersfortheirtransgressions,Iamofopinionthatboththesegirlsarepunishablefortheirbreachofparentalinjunctions.Andastotheirletter-carrier,Ihavebeeninquiringintohiswayofliving;andfindinghimtobeacommonpoacher,adeer-stealer,andwarren-robber,who,underpretenceofhaggling,dealswithasetof
customerswhoconstantlytakeallhebrings,whetherfish,fowl,orvenison,Iholdmyselfjustified(sinceWilson'sconveyancemustatpresentbesacred)tohavehimstrippedandrobbed,andwhatmoneyhehasabouthimgiventothepoor;since,ifItakenotmoneyaswellasletters,Ishallbesuspected.
Toserveone'sself,andpunishavillainatthesametime,isservingpublicandprivate.Thelawwasnotmadeforsuchamanasme.AndImustcomeatcorrespondencessodisobedientlycarriedon.
But,onsecondthoughts,ifIcouldfindoutthatthedearcreaturecarriedanyofherlettersinherpockets,Icangethertoaplayortoaconcert,andshemayhavethemisfortunetoloseherpockets.
ButhowshallIfindthisout;sinceherDorcasknowsnomoreofherdressingandundressingthanherLovelace?Forsheisdressedforthedaybeforesheappearseventoherservant.Vilelysuspicious!Uponmysoul,Jack,asuspicioustemperisapunishabletemper.Ifawomansuspectsarogueinanhonestman,isitnotenoughtomakethehonestmanwhoknowsitarogue?
But,astoherpockets,Ithinkmymindhankersafterthem,asthelessmischievousattempt.ButtheycannotholdallthelettersIshouldwishtosee.Andyetawoman'spocketsarehalfasdeepassheishigh.Tiedroundthesweetlevities,Ipresume,asballast-bags,lestthewind,astheymovewithfullsail,fromwhale-ribbedcanvass,shouldblowawaythe
gypsies.
[Hethen,inapprehensionthatsomethingismeditatingbetweenthetwoladies,orthatsomethingmaybesetonfoottogetMissHarloweoutofhishands,relatesseveralofhiscontrivances,andboastsofhisinstructionsgiveninwritingtoDorcas,andtohisservantWill.Summers;andsays,thathehasprovidedagainsteverypossibleaccident,eventobringherbackifsheshouldescape,orincasesheshouldgoabroad,andthenrefusetoreturn;andhopessotomanage,
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asthat,shouldhemakeanattempt,whetherhesucceededinitornot,hemayhaveapretencetodetainher.]
Hethenproceedsasfollows:
IhaveorderedDorcastocultivatebyallmeansherlady'sfavour;tolamentherincapacityastowritingandreading;toshewletterstoherlady,asfrompretendedcountryrelations;tobegheradvicehowtoanswerthem,andtogetthemanswered;andtobealwaysaimingatscrawlingwithapen,lestinkyfingersshouldgivesuspicion.Ihavemoreovergiventhewenchanivory-leafedpocket-book,withasilverpencil,thatshemaymakememorandaonoccasion.
And,letmetellthee,thattheladyhasalready(atMrs.Sinclair'smotion)removedherclothesoutofthetrunkstheycamein,intoanamplemahoganyrepository,wheretheywilllieatfulllength,andwhichhasdrawersinitforlinen.Arepository,thatusedtoholdtherichessuitswhichsomeofthenymphsputon,whentheyaretobedressedout,tocaptivate,ortoapequality.Formanyacountess,thouknowest,hasourmotherequipped;nay,twoorthreeduchesses,wholiveuponquality-termswiththeirlords.Butthistosuchaswillcomeuptoherprice,andcanmakeanappearancelikequalitythemselvesontheoccasion:forthereputationofpersonsofbirthmustnotlieatthemercyofeveryunder-degreedsinner.
Amaster-key,whichwillopeneverylockinthischest,isputintoDorcas'shands;andsheistotakecare,whenshesearchesforpapers,beforesheremovesanything,toobservehowitlies,thatshemayreplacealltoahair.SallyandPollycanoccasionallyhelptotranscribe.SlowandsurewithsuchanArgus-eyedcharmermustbeallmymovements.
Itisimpossiblethatonesoyoungandsoinexperiencedassheiscanhaveallhercautionfromherself;thebehaviourofthewomensounexceptionable;norevellings,nocompanyeveradmittedintothisinner-house;allgenteel,quiet,andeasyinit;thenymphswell-bred,andwell-read;herfirstdisguststotheoldonegotover.--ItmustbeMiss
Howe,therefore,[whooncewasindangerofbeingtakeninbyoneofourclass,byhonestSirGeorgeColmar,asthouhastheard,]thatmakesmyprogressdifficult.
Thouseest,Belford,bytheaboveprecautionaries,thatIforgetnothing.Asthesongsays,itisnottobeimagined
OnwhatslightstringsDependthesethingsOnwhichmenbuildtheirglory!
Sofar,sogood.IshallneverresttillIhavediscoveredinthefirstplace,wherethedearcreatureputsherletters;andinthenexttillI
havegothertoaplay,toaconcert,ortotakeanairingwithmeoutoftownforadayortwo.
***
Igavetheejustnowsomeofmycontrivances.Dorcas,whoiseverattentivetoallherlady'smotions,hasgivenmesomeinstancesofhermistress'sprecautions.Shewafersherletters,itseems,intwoplaces;
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pricksthewafers;andthensealsuponthem.Nodoubtbutthesamecareistakenwithregardtothosebroughttoher,forshealwaysexaminesthesealsofthelatterbeforesheopensthem.
Imust,Imustcomeatthem.Thisdifficultyaugmentsmycuriosity.Strange,somuchasshewrites,andatallhours,thatnotonesleepyorforgetfulmomenthasofferedinourfavour!
Afaircontention,thouseest:norpleadthouinherfavourheryouth,herbeauty,herfamily,herfortune,CREDULITY,shehasnone;andwithregardtoherTENDERYEARS,AmInotayoungfellowmyself?AstoBEAUTY;pr'ythee,Jack,dothou,tosparemymodesty,makeacomparisonbetweenmyClarissaforawoman,andthyLovelaceforaman.ForherFAMILY;thatwasnotknowntoitscountryacenturyago:andIhatethemallbuther.HaveInotcause?--ForherFORTUNE;fortune,thouknowest,waseverastimuluswithme;andthisforreasonsnotignoble.Donotgirlsoffortuneadornthemselvesonpurposetoengageourattention?Seektheynottodrawusintotheirsnares?Dependtheynot,generally,upontheirfortunes,intheviewstheyhaveuponus,morethanontheirmerits?Shallwedeprivethemofthebenefitoftheirprincipaldependence?--CanI,inparticular,marryeverygirlwhowishestoobtainmynotice?If,therefore,insupportofthelibertineprinciplesforwhichnoneofthesweetrogueshateus,awomanoffortuneisbroughttoyieldhomagetoheremperor,andanyconsequencesattendthesubjugation,
isnotsuchaoneshieldedbyherfortune,aswellfrominsultandcontempt,asfromindigence--all,then,thatadmitsofdebatebetweenmybelovedandmeisonlythis--whichofthetwohasmorewit,morecircumspection--andthatremainstobetried.
Asadlife,however,thislifeofdoubtandsuspense,forthepoorladytolive,aswellasforme;thatistosay,ifshebenotnaturallyjealous--ifshebe,heruneasinessisconstitutional,andshecannothelpit;norwillit,inthatcase,hurther.Forasuspicioustemperwillmakeoccasionfordoubt,ifnoneweretooffertoitshand.Myfaironetherefore,ifnaturallysuspicious,isobligedtomeforsavingherthetroubleofstudyingfortheseoccasions--but,afterall,theplainestpathsinourjourneysthroughlifearethesafestandbestIbelieve,
althoughitisnotgivenmetochoosethem;Iamnot,however,singularinthepursuitofthemoreintricatepaths;sincetherearethousands,andtenthousands,whohadratherfishintroubledwatersthaninsmooth.
LETTERXXI
MR.LOVELACE,TOJOHNBELFORD,ESQ.TUESDAY,MAY9.
Iamaveryunhappyman.Thisladyissaidtobeoneofthesweetest-
temperedcreaturesintheworld:andsoIthoughther.Buttomesheisoneofthemostperverse.Ineverwassupposedtobeanill-naturedmortalneither.Howcanitbe?Iimagined,foralongwhile,thatwewereborntomakeeachotherhappy:butquitethecontrary;wereallyseemtobesenttoplagueeachother.
Iwillwriteacomedy,Ithink:Ihaveatitlealready;andthat'shalfthework.TheQuarrelsomeLovers.'Twilldo.There'ssomethingnewandstrikinginit.Yet,moreorless,allloversquarrel.OldTerencehastakennoticeofthat;andobservesuponit,Thatloversfallingout
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occasionsloversfallingin;andabetterunderstandingofcourse.'Tisnaturalthatitshouldbeso.Butwithus,wefalloutsooften,withoutfallinginonce;andasecondquarrelsogenerallyhappensbeforeafirstismadeup;thatitishardtoguesswhateventourloveswillbeattendedwith.Butperseveranceismyglory,andpatiencemyhandmaid,whenIhaveinviewanobjectworthyofmyattempts.Whatisthereinaneasyconquest?Hudibrasquestionswell,
------Whatmadlovereverdy'dTogainasoftandeasybride?Or,foraladytender-hearted,Inpurlingstreams,orhemp,departed?
ButIwillleadtotheoccasionofthispreamble.
Ihadbeenout.Onmyreturn,meetingDorcasonthestairs--Yourladyinherchamber,Dorcas?Inthedining-room,sir:andifeveryouhopeforanopportunitytocomeataletter,itmustbenow.ForatherfeetIsawonelie,which,asmaybeseenbyitsopenfold,shehadbeenreading,withalittleparcelofotherssheisnowbusiedwith--allpulledoutofherpocket,asIbelieve:so,Sir,you'llknowwheretofindthemanothertime.
Iwasreadytoleapforjoy,andinstantlyresolvedtobringforwardan
expedientwhichIhadheldinpetto;andenteringthedining-roomwithanairoftransport,Iboldlyclaspedmyarmsabouther,asshesat;shehuddlingupherpapersinherhandkerchiefallthetime;thedroppedpaperunseen.Omydearestlife,aluckyexpedienthaveMr.MennellandIhituponjustnow.InordertohastenMrs.Fretchvilletoquitthehouse,Ihaveagreed,ifyouapproveofit,toentertainhercook,herhousemaid,andtwomen-servants,(aboutwhomshewasverysolicitous,)tillyouareprovidedtoyourmind.And,thatnoaccommodationsmaybewanted,Ihaveconsentedtotakethehouseholdlinenatanappraisement.
Iamtopaydownfivehundredpounds,andtheremainderassoonasthebillscanbelookedup,andtheamountofthemadjusted.Thuswillyouhaveacharminghouseentirelyreadytoreceiveyou.Someoftheladies
ofmyfamilywillsoonbewithyou:theywillnotpermityoulongtosuspendmyhappyday.Andthatnothingmaybewantingtogratifyyourutmostpunctilio,IwilltillthenconsenttostayhereatMrs.Sinclair'swhileyouresideatyournewhouse;andleavetheresttoyourowngenerosity.Omybelovedcreature,willnotthisbeagreeabletoyou?Iamsureitwill--itmust--andclaspingherclosertome,IgaveheramoreferventkissthaneverIhaddaredtogiveherbefore.Ipermittednotmyardourtoovercomemydiscretion,however;forItookcaretosetmyfootupontheletter,andscrapeditfartherfromher,asitwerebehindherchair.
ShewasinapassionatthelibertyItook.Bowinglow,Ibeggedherpardon;andstoopingstilllower,inthesamemotiontookuptheletter,
andwhiptitintomybosom.
Poxonmeforapuppy,afool,ablockhead,aclumsyvarlet,amereJackBelford!--IthoughtmyselfamuchclevererfellowthanIam!--WhycouldInothavebeenfollowedinbyDorcas,whomighthavetakenitup,whileIaddressedherlady?
Forhere,theletterbeingunfolded,Icouldnotputitinmybosomwithoutalarmingherears,asmysuddenmotiondidhereyes--Upsheflewinamoment:Traitor!Judas!hereyesflashinglightning,anda
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perturbationinhereagercountenance,socharming!--Whathaveyoutakenup?--andthen,whatforbothmyearsIdurstnothavedonetoher,shemadenoscrupletoseizethestolenletter,thoughinmybosom.
Whatwastobedoneonsopalpableadetection?--Iclaspedherhand,whichhadholdoftheravishedpaper,betweenmine:Omybelovedcreature!saidI,canyouthinkIhavenotsomecuriosity?Isitpossibleyoucanbethusforeveremployed;andI,lovingnarrativeletter-writingaboveeveryotherspeciesofwriting,andadmiringyourtalentthatway,shouldnot(thusuponthedawnofmyhappiness,asIpresumetohope)burnwithadesiretobeadmittedintososweetacorrespondence?
Letgomyhand!--stampingwithherprettyfoot;Howdareyou,Sir!--Atthisrate,Isee--tooplainlyIsee--Andmoreshecouldnotsay:but,gasping,wasreadytofaintwithpassionandaffright;thedevilabitofheraccustomedgentlenesstobeseeninhercharmingface,ortobeheardinhermusicalvoice.
Havinggonethusfar,loth,veryloth,wasItolosemyprize--oncemoreIgotholdoftherumpled-upletter!--Impudentman!wereherwords:stampingagain.ForGod'ssake,thenitwas.Iletgomyprize,lestsheshouldfaintaway:buthadthepleasurefirsttofindmyhandwithinbothhers,shetryingtoopenmyreluctantfingers.Hownearwasmy
heartatthatmomenttomyhand,throbbingtomyfingers'ends,tobethusfamiliarly,althoughangrily,treatedbythecharmerofmysoul!
Whenshehadgotitinherpossession,sheflewtothedoor.Ithrewmyselfinherway,shutit,and,inthehumblestmanner,besoughthertoforgiveme.AndyetdoyouthinktheHarlowe-heartedcharmer(notwithstandingtheagreeableannunciationIcameinwith)wouldforgiveme?--No,truly;butpushingmerudelyfromthedoor,asifIhadbeennothing,[yetdoIlovetotry,soinnocentlytotry,herstrengthtoo!]shegainedthatforcethroughpassion,whichIhadlostthroughfear,outsheshottoherownapartment;[thankmystarsshecouldflynofarther!]andassoonassheenteredit,inapassionstill,shedouble-lockedanddouble-boltedherselfin.Thismycomfort,onreflection,that,upona
greateroffence,itcannotbeworse.
Iretreatedtomyownapartment,withmyheartfull:and,mymanWillnotbeingnearme,gavemyselfaplaguyknockontheforeheadwithmydoublefist.
Andnowismycharmershutupfromme:refusingtoseeme,refusinghermeals.Sheresolvesnottoseeme;that'smore:--neveragain,ifshecanhelpit;andinthemindsheisin--Ihopeshehassaid.
Thedearcreatures,whenevertheyquarrelwiththeirhumbleservants,shouldalwaysrememberthissavingclause,thattheymaynotbeforsworn.
ButthinkestthouthatIwillnotmakeitthesubjectofoneofmyfirstplotstoinformmyselfofthereasonwhyallthiscommotionwasnecessaryonsoslightanoccasionasthiswouldhavebeen,werenotthelettersthatpassbetweentheseladiesofatreasonablenature?
WEDNESDAYMORNING.
Noadmissiontobreakfast,anymorethantosupper.Iwishthisladyisnotasimpleton,afterall.
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IhavesentupinCaptainMennell'sname.
AmessagefromCaptainMennell,Madam.
Itwon'tdo.Sheisofbabyage.Shecannotbe--aSolomon,Iwasgoingtosay,ineverything.Solomon,Jack,wasthewisestman.Butdidsteverhearwhowasthewisestwoman?Iwantacomparisonforthislady.Cunningwomenandwitcheswereadofwithoutnumber.ButIfancywisdomneverenteredintothecharacterofawoman.Itisnotarequisiteofthesex.Women,indeed,makebettersovereignsthanmen:butwhyisthat?--becausethewomen-sovereignsaregovernedbymen;themen-sovereignsbywomen.--Charming,bymysoul!Forhenceweguessattherudderbywhichbotharesteered.
Buttoputtingwisdomoutofthequestion,andtotakecunningin;thatistosay,toconsiderwomanasawoman;whatshallwedo,ifthisladyhassomethingextraordinaryinherhead?RepeatedchargeshasshegiventoWilson,byaparticularmessenger,tosendanyletterdirectedforherthemomentitcomes.
Imustkeepagoodlook-out.Sheisnotnowafraidofherbrother'splot.Ishan'tbeatallsurprised,ifSingletoncallsuponMissHowe,astheonlypersonwhoknows,orislikelytoknow,whereMissHarlowe
is;pretendingtohaveaffairsofimportance,andofparticularservicetoher,ifhecanbutbeadmittedtoherspeech--Ofcompromise,whoknows,fromherbrother?
ThenwillMissHowewarnhertokeepclose.Thenwillmyprotectionbeagainnecessary.Thiswilldo,Ibelieve.AnythingfromMissHowemust.
JosephLemanisavilefellowwithher,andmyimplement.Joseph,honestJoseph,asIcallhim,mayhanghimself.Ihaveplayedhimoffenough,andhaveverylittlefurtheruseforhim.Noneedtowearoneplottothestumps,whenIcanfindnewoneseveryhour.
NorblamemefortheuseImakeofmytalents.Who,thathathsuch,willlet'embeidle?
Well,then,IwillfindaSingleton;that'sallIhavetodo.
Instantlyfindone!--Will!
Sir--
ThismomentcallmehitherthycousinPaulWheatly,justcomefromsea,whomthouwertrecommendingtomyservice,ifIweretomarry,andkeepapleasure-boat.
Presto--Will'sgone--Paulwillbeherepresently.PresentlytoMrs.Howe's.IfPaulbeSingleton'smate,comingfromhiscaptain,itwilldoaswellasifitwereSingletonhimself.
Sally,alittledevil,oftenreproachesmewiththeslownessofmyproceedings.Butinaplaydoesnottheprincipalentertainmentlieinthefirstfouracts?Isnotallinamanneroverwhenyoucometothefifth?Andwhatavultureofamanmusthebe,whosousesuponhisprey,andinthesamemomenttrussesanddevours?
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renewallmyvows;andtoreceiveherpardonforthepastoffence:andthen,withwhatpleasureshallIbeginuponanewscore,andafterwardswipeoutthat;andbeginanother,andanother,tillthelastoffencepasses;andtherecanbenoother!Andonce,afterthat,tobeforgiven,willbetobeforgivenforever.
***
Thedoorisagainshut.Dorcastellsme,thatherladydeniestoadmitmetodinewithher;afavourIhadorderedthewenchtobeseechhertograntme,thenexttimeshesawher--notuncivilly,however,denies--coming-tobydegrees!Nothingbutthelastoffence,thehonestwenchtellsme,inthelanguageofherprincipalsbelow,willdowithher.Thelastoffenceismeditating.Yetthisvilerecreantheartofmineplaysmebooty.
ButhereIconclude;thoughthetyrannessleavesmenothingtodobuttoread,write,andfret.
Subscriptionisformalbetweenus.Besides,Iamsomuchher's,thatIcannotsayhowmuchIamthineoranyotherperson's.
LETTERXXII
MISSCLARISSAHARLOWE,TOMISSHOWETUESDAY,MAY9.
If,mydear,youapproveoftheapplicationtomyuncleHarlowe,Iwishittobemadeassoonaspossible.Wearequiteoutagain.Ihaveshutmyselfupfromhim.Theoffenceindeednotsoverygreat--andyetitistoo.Hehadliketohavegotaletter.Oneofyour's.ButneverwillIwriteagain,orre-perusemypapers,inanapartmentwherehethinks
himselfentitledtocome.Hedidnotreadalineofit.Indeedhedidnot.Sodon'tbeuneasy.Anddependuponfuturecaution.
Thusitwas.Thesunbeinguponmycloset,andMr.Lovelaceabroad--
ShethengivesMissHoweanaccountofhiscomingbysurpriseuponher:ofhisflutteringspeech:ofhisboldaddress:ofherstrugglewithhimfortheletter,&c.
Andnow,mydear,proceedsshe,Iammoreandmoreconvinced,thatIamtoomuchinhispowertomakeitprudenttostaywithhim.Andifmyfriendswillbutgivemehope,Iwillresolvetoabandonhimforever.
Omydear!heisafierce,afoolish,aninsolentcreature!--And,intruth,Ihardlyexpectthatwecanaccommodate.HowmuchunhappieramIalreadywithhimthanmymothereverwaswithmyfatheraftermarriage!since(andthatwithoutanyreason,anypretenceintheworldforit)heisforbreakingmyspiritbeforeIamhis,andwhileIam,oroughttobe[Omyfolly,thatIamnot!]inmyownpower.
TillIcanknowwhethermyfriendswillgivemehopeornot,ImustdowhatIneverstudiedtodobeforeinanycase;thatis,trytokeepthis
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differenceopen:andyetitwillmakemelooklittleinmyowneyes;becauseIshallmeanbyitmorethanIcanown.Butthisisoneoftheconsequencesofallengagements,wherethemindsareunpaired--dispaired,inmycase,Imustsay.
Letthisevermorebemycautiontoindividualsofmysex--Guardyoureye:'twilleverbeinacombinationagainstyourjudgment.Iftherearetwopartstobetaken,itwillbeforever,traitorasitis,takethewrongone.
Ifyouaskme,mydear,howthiscautionbefitsme?letmetellyouasecretwhichIhavebutverylatelyfoundoutuponself-examination,althoughyouseemtohavemadethediscoverylongago:Thathadnotmyfoolisheyebeentoomuchattached,Ihadnottakenthepainstoattempt,soofficiouslyasIdid,thepreventionofmischiefbetweenhimandsomeofmyfamily,whichfirstinducedthecorrespondencebetweenus,andwastheoccasionofbringingtheapprehendedmischiefwithdoubleweightuponhimself.Myvanityandconceit,asfarasIknow,mighthavepartintheinconsideratemeasure:FordoesitnotlookasifIthoughtmyselfmorecapableofobviatingdifficultiesthananybodyelseofmyfamily?
Butyoumustnot,mydear,supposemyhearttobestillaconfederatewithmyeye.Thatdeludedeyenowclearlyseesitsfault,andthemisledheartdespisesitforit.HencetheapplicationIammakingtomyuncle:
henceitis,thatIcansay(Ithinktruly)thatIwouldatoneformyfaultatanyrate,evenbythesacrificeofalimbortwo,ifthatwoulddo.
Adieu,mydearestfriend!--Mayyourheartneverknowthehundredthpartofthepainmineatpresentfeels!prays
YourCLARISSAHARLOWE.
LETTERXXIII
MISSHOWE,TOMISSCLARISSAHARLOWEWEDNESDAY,MAY10.
IWILLwrite!Nomanshallwriteforme.*Nowomanshallhindermefromwriting.SurelyIamofagetodistinguishbetweenreasonandcaprice.Iamnotwritingtoaman,amI?--IfIwerecarryingonacorrespondencewithafellow,ofwhommymotherdisapproved,andwhomitmightbeimproperformetoencourage,myownhonourandmydutywouldengagemyobedience.Butasthecaseissowidelydifferent,notawordmoreonthissubject,Ibeseechyou!
*ClarissaproposesMr.HickmantowriteforMissHowe.SeeLetterXI.ofthisvolume,Paragr.5,&ult.
Imuchapproveofyourresolutiontoleavethiswretch,ifyoucanmakeitupwithyouruncle.
Ihatetheman--mostheartilydoIhatehim,forhisteasingways.Theveryreadingofyouraccountofthemteasesmealmostasmuchastheycan
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you.Mayyouhaveencouragementtoflythefoolishwretch!
Ihaveotherreasonstowishyoumay:forIhavejustmadeanacquaintancewithonewhoknowsavastdealofhisprivatehistory.Themanisreallyavillain,mydear!anexecrableone!ifallbetruethatIhaveheard!AndyetIampromisedotherparticulars.Idoassureyou,mydearfriend,that,hadheadozenlives,hemighthaveforfeitedthemall,andbeendeadtwentycrimesago.
Ifeveryoucondescendtotalkfamiliarlywithhimagain,askhimafterMissBetterton,andwhatbecameofher.Andifheshuffleandprevaricateastoher,questionhimaboutMissLockyer.--Omydear,theman'savillain!
Iwillhaveyourunclesounded,asyoudesire,andthatoutofhand.ButyetIamafraidofthesuccess;andthisforseveralreasons.'Tishardtosaywhatthesacrificeofyourestatewoulddowithsomepeople:andyetImustnot,whenitcomestothetest,permityoutomakeit.
AsyourHannahcontinuesill,IwouldadviseyoutotrytoattachDorcastoyourinterest.Haveyounotbeenimpoliticlyshyofher?
Iwishyoucouldcomeatsomeofhisletters.Surelyamanofhisnegligentcharactercannotbealwaysguarded.Ifhebe,andifyou
cannotengageyourservant,Ishallsuspectthemboth.Lethimbecalleduponatashortwarningwhenheiswriting,orwhenhehaspaperslyingabout,andsosurprisehimintonegligence.
Suchinquiries,Iknow,areofthesamenaturewiththosewemakeataninnintraveling,whenwelookintoeverycornerandcloset,forfearofavillain;yetshouldbefrightedoutofourwits,werewetofindone.But'tisbettertodetectsuchaonewhenawakeandup,thantobeattackedbyhimwheninbedandasleep.
Iamgladyouhaveyourclothes.Butnomoney!NobooksbutaSpira,aDrexelius,andaPracticeofPiety!Thosewhosentthelatteroughttohavekeptitforthemselves--ButImusthurrymyselffromthissubject.
Youhaveexceedinglyalarmedmebywhatyouhintofhisattempttogetoneofmyletters.Iamassuredbymynewinformant,thatheistheheadofagangofwretched(thosehebroughtyouamong,nodoubt,weresomeofthem)whojointogethertobetrayinnocentcreatures,andtosupportoneanotherafterwardsbyviolence;andwerehetocomeattheknowledgeofthefreedomsItakewithhim,Ishouldbeafraidtostiroutwithoutaguard.
Iamsorrytotellyou,thatIhavereasontothink,thatyourbrotherhasnotlaidasidehisfoolishplot.Asunburnt,sailor-lookingfellowwaswithmejustnow,pretendinggreatservicetoyoufromCaptainSingleton,couldhebeadmittedtoyourspeech.Ipleadedignoranceas
totheplaceofyourabode.Thefellowwastoowellinstructedformetogetanythingoutofhim.
Iweptfortwohoursincessantlyonreadingyour's,whichenclosedthatfromyourcousinMorden.*Mydearestcreature,donotdesertyourself.LetyourAnnaHoweobeythecallofthatfriendshipwhichhasunitedusasonesoul,andendeavourtogiveyouconsolation.
*SeeLetterXIX.ofthisvolume.
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Iwondernotatthemelancholyreflectionsyousooftencastuponyourselfinyourletters,forthestepyouhavebeenforcedupononehand,andtrickedintoontheother.Astrangefatality!Asifitweredesignedtoshowthevanityofallhumanprudence.Iwish,mydear,asyouhint,thatbothyouandIhavenottoomuchpridedourselvesinaperhapstooconscioussuperiorityoverothers.ButIwillstop--howaptareweakmindstolookoutforjudgmentsinanyextraordinaryevent!'Tissofarright,thatitisbetter,andsafer,andjuster,toarraignourselves,orourdearestfriends,thanProvidence;whichmustalwayshavewiseendstoansweritsdispensations.
Butdonottalk,asifoneofyourformer,ofbeingawarningonly*--youwillbeasexcellentanexampleaseveryouhopedtobe,aswellasawarning:andthatwillmakeyourstory,toallthatshallcometoknowit,ofdoubleefficacy:forwereitthatsuchameritasyourscouldnotensuretoherselfnobleandgeneroususagefromalibertineheart,whowillexpectanytolerablebehaviourfrommenofhischaracter?
*SeeVol.III.LetterXXVIII.
Ifyouthinkyourselfinexcusablefortakingastepthatputyouintothewayofdelusion,withoutanyintentiontogooffwithhim,whatmustthosegiddycreaturesthinkofthemselves,who,withouthalfyourprovocationsandinducements,andwithoutanyregardtodecorum,leapwalls,dropfromwindows,andstealawayfromtheirparents'house,totheseducer'sbed,inthesameday?
Again,ifyouaresoreadytoaccuseyourselffordispensingwiththeprohibitionsofthemostunreasonableparents,whichyetwerebuthalf-prohibitionsatfirst,whatoughtthosetodo,whowilfullyshuttheirearstotheadviceofthemostreasonable;andthatperhaps,whereapparentruin,orundoubtedinconvenience,istheconsequenceofthepredeterminedrashness?
Andlastly,toallwhowillknowyourstory,youwillbeanexcellentexampleofwatchfulness,andofthatcautionandreservebywhichaprudentperson,whohasbeensupposedtobealittlemisled,endeavourstomendhererror;and,neveroncelosingsightofherduty,doesallinherpowertorecoverthepathshehasbeenratherdrivenoutofthanchosentoswervefrom.
Come,come,mydearestfriend,considerbutthesethings;andsteadily,withoutdesponding,pursueyourearnestpurposestoamendwhatyouthinkhasbeenamiss;anditmaynotbeamisfortuneintheendthatyouhaveerred;especiallyassolittleofyourwillwasinyourerror.
AndindeedImustsaythatIusethewordsmisled,anderror,andsuch-like,onlyincomplimenttoyourowntoo-readyself-accusations,andtotheopinionofonetowhomIoweduty:forIthinkinmyconscience,thateverypartofyourconductisdefensible:andthatthoseonlyareblamablewhohavenootherwaytoclearthemselvesbutbycondemningyou.
Iexpect,however,thatsuchmelancholyreflectionsasdropfromyourpenbuttoooftenwillminglewithallyourfuturepleasures,wereyoutomarryLovelace,andwerehetomakethebestofhusbands.
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Youwasimmenselyhappy,abovethehappinessofamortalcreature,beforeyouknewhim:everybodyalmostworshippedyou:envyitself,whichhasoflaterearedupitsvenomousheadagainstyou,wasawed,byyoursuperiorworthiness,intosilenceandadmiration.Youwasthesoulofeverycompanywhereyouvisited.YoureldershaveIseendecliningtooffertheiropinionsuponasubjecttillyouhaddeliveredyours;often,tosavethemselvesthemortificationofretractingtheirs,whentheyheardyours.Yet,inallthis,yoursweetnessofmanners,yourhumilityandaffability,causedthesubscriptioneveryonemadetoyoursentiments,andtoyoursuperiority,tobeequallyunfeigned,andunhesitating;fortheysawthattheirapplause,andthepreferencetheygaveyoutothemselves,subjectednotthemselvestoinsults,norexaltedyouintoanyvisibletriumphoverthem;foryouhadalwayssomethingtosayoneverypointyoucarriedthatraisedtheyieldingheart,andlefteveryonepleasedandsatisfiedwiththemselves,thoughtheycarriednotoffthepalm.
Yourworkswereshowedorreferredtowhereverfineworksweretalkedof.Nobodyhadanybutaninferiorandsecond-handpraisefordiligence,foreconomy,forreading,forwriting,formemory,forfacilityinlearningeverythinglaudable,andevenforthemoreenviedgracesofpersonanddress,andanall-surpassingeleganceinboth,whereyouwereknown,andthosesubjectstalkedof.
Thepoorblessedyoueverystepyoutrod:therichthoughtyoutheirhonour,andtookapridethattheywerenotobligedtodescendfromtheirownclassforanexamplethatdidcredittoit.
Thoughallmenwishedforyou,andsoughtyou,youngasyouwere;yet,hadnotthosewhowerebroughttoaddressyoubeenencouragedoutofsordidandspitefulviews,notoneofthemwouldhavedaredtoliftuphiseyestoyou.
Thushappyinallaboutyou,thusmakinghappyallwithinyourcircle,couldyouthinkthatnothingwouldhappentoyou,toconvinceyouthatyouwerenottobeexemptedfromthecommonlot?--Toconvincedyou,thatyouwerenotabsolutelyperfect;andthatyoumustnotexpecttopass
throughlifewithouttrial,temptation,andmisfortune?
Indeed,itmustbeownedthatnotrial,notemptation,worthyofyourvirtue,andofyourprudence,couldwellhaveattackedyousooner,becauseofyourtenderyears,andmoreeffectually,thanthoseheavyonesunderwhichyoustruggle;sinceitmustbeallowed,thatyouequanimityandforesightmadeyousuperiortocommonaccidents;forarenotmostofthetroublesthatfalltothelotofcommonmortalsbroughtuponthemselveseitherbytheirtoolargedesires,ortoolittledeserts?--Cases,both,fromwhichyoustoodexempt.--Itwasthereforetobesomeman,orsomeworsespiritintheshapeofone,that,formedonpurpose,wastobesenttoinvadeyou;whileasmanyothersuchspiritsastherearepersonsinyourfamilywerepermittedtotakepossession,severally,
inonedarkhour,oftheheartofeveryoneofit,theretositperching,perhaps,anddirectingeverymotiontothemotionsoftheseducerwithout,inordertoirritate,toprovoke,topushyouforwardtomeethim.
Uponthewhole,thereseems,asIhaveoftensaid,tohavebeenakindoffateinyourerror,ifitwereanerror;andthisperhapsadmittedforthesakeofabetterexampletobecollectedfromyourSUFFERINGS,thancouldhavebeengiven,hadyounevererred:formydear,thetimeofADVERSITYisyourSHINING-TIME.Iseeitevidently,thatadversitymust
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callforthgracesandbeautieswhichcouldnothavebeenbroughttolightinarunofthatprosperousfortunewhichattendedyoufromyourcradletillnow;admirablyasyoubecame,and,asweallthought,greatlyasyoudeservedthatprosperity.
Allthematteris,thetrialmustbegrievoustoyou.Itistome:itistoallwholoveyou,andlookeduponyouasonesetalofttobeadmiredandimitated,andnotasamark,asyouhavelatelyfound,forenvytoshootitsshaftsat.
LetwhatIhavewrittenabovehaveitsdueweightwithyou,mydear;andthen,aswarmimaginationsarenotwithoutamixtureofenthusiasm,yourAnnaHowe,who,onreperusalofit,imaginesittobeinastylesuperiortoherusualstyle,willbereadytoflatterherselfthatshehasbeeninamannerinspiredwiththehintsthathavecomfortedandraisedthedejectedheartofhersufferingfriend;who,fromsuchhardtrials,inabloomsotender,mayfindattimesherspiritssunktoolowtoenablehertopervadethesurroundingdarkness,whichconcealsfromherthehopefuldawningofthebetterdaywhichawaitsher.
Iwilladdnomoreatpresent,thanthatIamYoureverfaithfulandaffectionateANNAHOWE.
LETTERXXIV
MISSCLARISSAHARLOWE,TOMISSHOWEFRIDAY,MAY12.
Imustbesilent,myexaltedfriend,underpraisesthatoppressmyheartwithaconsciousnessofnotdeservingthem;atthesametimethatthegenerousdesignofthosepraisesraisesandcomfortsit:foritisacharmingthingtostandhighintheopinionofthosewelove;andtofindthattherearesoulsthatcancarrytheirfriendshipsbeyondaccidents,
beyondbodyandtiesofblood.Whatever,mydearestcreature,ismyshining-time,thetimeofafriend'sadversityisyours.Anditwouldbealmostafaultinmetoregretthoseafflictions,whichgiveyouanopportunitysogloriouslytoexertthosequalities,whichnotonlyennobleoursex,butdignifyhumannature.
Butletmeproceedtosubjectslessagreeable.
IamsorryyouhavereasontothinkSingleton'sprojectsarenotatanend.Butwhoknowswhatthesailorhadtopropose?--Yethadanygoodbeenintendedme,thismethodwouldhardlyhavebeenfallenupon.
Dependuponit,mydear,yourlettersshallbesafe.
IhavemadeahandleofMr.Lovelace'sboldattemptandfreedom,asItoldyouIwould,tokeephimeversinceatadistance,thatImayhaveanopportunitytoseethesuccessoftheapplicationtomyuncle,andtobeatlibertytoembraceanyfavourableoverturesthatmayarisefromit.Yethehasbeenveryimportunate,andtwicebroughtMr.MennellfromMrs.Fretchvilltotalkaboutthehouse.--IfIshouldbeobligedtomakeupwithhimagain,IshallthinkIamalwaysdoingmyselfaspite.
Astowhatyoumentionofhisnewly-detectedcrimes;andyouradviceto
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attachDorcastomyinterest;andtocomeatsomeofhisletters;thesethingswillrequiremoreorlessofmyattention,asImayhopefavourornotfrommyuncleHarlowe.
IamsorrythatmypoorHannahcontinuesill.Pray,mydear,informyourself,andletmeknow,whethershewantsanythingthatbefitshercase.
Iwillnotclosethislettertillto-morrowisover;forIamresolvedtogotochurch;andthisaswellforthesakeofmyduty,astoseeifIamatlibertytogooutwhenIpleasewithoutbeingattendedoraccompanied.
SUNDAY,MAY14.
IhavenotbeenabletoavoidashortdebatewithMr.Lovelace.Ihadorderedacoachtothedoor.WhenIhadnoticedthatitwascome,Iwentoutofmychambertogotoit;butmethimdressedonthestairshead,withabookinhishand,butwithouthishatandsword.Heasked,withanairverysolemnyetrespectful,ifIweregoingabroad.ItoldhimIwas.Hedesiredleavetoattendme,ifIweregoingtochurch.Irefusedhim.Andthenhecomplainedheavilyofmytreatmentofhim;anddeclaredthathewouldnotlivesuchanotherweekasthepast,fortheworld.
Iownedtohimveryfrankly,thatIhadmadeanapplicationtomyfriends;andthatIwasresolvedtokeepmyselftomyselftillIknewtheissueofit.
Hecoloured,andseemedsurprised.Butcheckinghimselfinsomethinghewasgoingtosay,hepleadedmydangerfromSingleton,andagaindesiredtoattendme.
Andthenhetoldme,thatMrs.Fretchvillehaddesiredtocontinueafortnightlongerinthehouse.Shefound,saidhe,thatIwasunabletodetermineaboutenteringuponit;andnowwhoknowswhensuchavapourishcreaturewillcometoaresolution?This,Madam,hasbeenanunhappy
week;forhadInotstooduponsuchbadtermswithyou,youmighthavebeennewmistressofthathouse;andprobablyhadmycousinMontague,ifnotLadyBetty,actuallywithyou.
Andso,Sir,takingallyousayforgranted,yourcousinMontaguecannotcometoMrs.Sinclair's?What,pray,isherobjectiontoMrs.Sinclair's?Isthishousefitformetoliveinamonthortwo,andnotfitforanyofyourrelationsforafewdays?--AndMrs.Fretchvillehastakenmoretimetoo!--Then,pushingbyhim,Ihurrieddownstairs.
HecalledtoDorcastobringhimhisswordandhat;andfollowingmedownintothepassage,placedhimselfbetweenmeandthedoor;andagaindesiredleavetoattendme.
Mrs.Sinclaircameoutatthatinstant,andaskedme,ifIdidnotchooseadishofchocolate?
Iwish,Mrs.Sinclair,saidI,youwouldtakethismaninwithyoutoyourchocolate.Idon'tknowwhetherIamatlibertytostiroutwithouthisleaveornot.
Thenturningtohim,Iasked,ifhekeptmetherehisprisoner?
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Dorcasjustthenbringinghimhisswordandhat,heopenedthestreet-door,andtakingmyreluctanthand,ledme,inaveryobsequiousmanner,tothecoach.Peoplepassingby,stopped,stared,andwhispered--Butheissogracefulinhispersonanddress,thathegenerallytakeseveryeye.
Iwasuneasytobesogazedat;andhesteppedinafterme,andthecoachmandrovetoSt.Paul's.
Hewasveryfullofassiduitiesalltheway;whileIwasasreservedaspossible:andwhenIreturned,dined,asIhaddonethegreatestpartoftheweek,bymyself.
Hetoldme,uponmyresolvingtodoso,thatalthoughhewouldcontinuehispassiveobservancetillIknewtheissueofmyapplication,yetImustexpect,thatthenIshouldnotrestonemomenttillIhadfixedhishappyday:forthathisverysoulwasfrettedwithmyslights,resentments,anddelays.
Awretch!whencanIsay,tomyinfiniteregret,onadoubleaccount,thatallhecomplainsofisowingtohimself!
OthatImayhavegoodtidingsfrommyuncle!
Adieu,mydearestfriend--Thisshallliereadyforanexchange(asIhopeforoneto-morrowfromyou)thatwilldecide,asImaysay,thedestinyof
YourCLARISSAHARLOWE.
LETTERXXV
MISSHOWE,TOMRS.JUDITHNORTONTHURSDAY,MAY11.
GOODMRS.NORTON,
Cannotyou,withoutnamingmeasanadviser,whoamhatedbythefamily,contriveawaytoletMrs.Harloweknow,thatinanaccidentalconversationwithme,youhadbeenassuredthatmybelovedfriendpinesafterareconciliationwithherrelations?Thatshehashitherto,inhopesofit,refusedtoenterintoanyobligationthatshallbeintheleastahinderance[sic]toit:thatshewouldfainavoidgivingMr.Lovelacearighttomakeherfamilyuneasyinrelationtohergrandfather'sestate:thatallshewishesforstillistobeindulgedinherchoiceofasinglelife,and,onthatcondition,wouldmakeher
father'spleasureher'swithregardtothatestate:thatMr.Lovelaceiscontinuallypressinghertomarryhim;andallhisfriendslikewise:butthatIamsureshehassolittlelikingtotheman,becauseofhisfaultymorals,andoftheantipathyofherrelationstohim,thatifshehadanyhopegivenherofareconciliation,shewouldforegoallthoughtsofhim,andputherselfintoherfather'sprotection.Butthattheirresolutionmustbespeedy;forotherwiseshewouldfindherselfobligedtogivewaytohispressingentreaties;anditmightthenbeoutofherpowertopreventdisagreeablelitigations.
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Idoassureyou,Mrs.Norton,uponmyhonour,thatourdearestfriendknowsnothingofthisprocedureofmine:andthereforeitispropertoacquaintyou,inconfidence,withmygroundsforit.--Thesearethey:
ShehaddesiredmetoletMr.HickmandrophintstotheaboveeffecttoheruncleHarlowe;butindirectly,asfromhimself,lest,iftheapplicationshouldnotbeattendedwithsuccess,andMr.Lovelace(whoalreadytakesitillthathehassolittleofherfavour)cometoknowit,shemaybedeprivedofeveryprotection,andbeperhapssubjectedtogreatinconvenienciesfromsohaughtyaspirit.
Havingthisauthorityfromher,andbeingverysolicitousaboutthesuccessoftheapplication,Ithought,thatiftheweightofsogoodawife,mother,andsister,asMrs.Harloweisknowntobe,werethrownintothesamescalewiththatofMr.JohnHarlowe(supposinghecouldbeengaged)itcouldhardlyfailofmakingadueimpression.
Mr.HickmanwillseeMr.JohnHarloweto-morrow:bythattimeyoumayseeMrs.Harlowe.IfMr.Hickmanfindstheoldgentlemanfavourable,hewilltellhim,thatyouwillhaveseenMrs.Harloweuponthesameaccount;andwilladvisehimtojoininconsultationwithherhowbesttoproceedtomeltthemostobdurateheartintheworld.
Thisisthefairstateofthematter,andmytruemotiveforwritingto
you.Ileaveall,therefore,toyourdiscretion;andmostheartilywishsuccesstoit;beingofopinionthatMr.Lovelacecannotpossiblydeserveouradmirablefriend:norindeedknowIthemanwhodoes.
Prayacquaintmebyalineoftheresultofyourinterposition.Ifitprovenotsuchasmaybereasonablyhopedfor,ourdearfriendshallknownothingofthisstepfromme;andpraylethernotfromyou.For,inthatcase,itwouldonlygivedeepergrieftoaheartalreadytoomuchafflicted.Iam,dearandworthyMrs.Norton,
Yourtruefriend,ANNAHOWE.
LETTERXXVI
MRS.NORTON,TOMISSHOWESATURDAY,MAY13.
DEARMADAM,
Myheartisalmostbroken,tobeobligedtoletyouknow,thatsuchisthesituationofthingsinthefamilyofmyever-dearMissHarlowe,thattherecanbeatpresentnosuccessexpectedfromanyapplicationinher
favour.Herpoormotheristobepitied.Ihaveamostaffectingletterfromher;butmustnotcommunicateittoyou;andsheforbidsmetoletitbeknownthatshewritesuponthesubject;althoughsheiscompelled,asitwere,todoit,fortheeaseofherownheart.Imentionitthereforeinconfidence.
IhopeinGodthatmybelovedyoungladyhaspreservedherhonourinviolate.Ihopethereisnotamanbreathingwhocouldattemptasacrilegesodetestable.Ihavenoapprehensionofafailureinavirtuesoestablished.Godforeverkeepsopureaheartoutofthereachof
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surprisesandviolence!Ease,dearMadam,Ibeseechyou,myover-anxiousheart,byoneline,bythebearer,althoughbutoneline,toacquaintme(assurelyyoucan)thatherhonourisunsullied.--Ifitbenot,adieutoallthecomfortsthislifecangive:sincenonewillitbeabletoafford
TothepoorJUDITHNORTON.
LETTERXXVII
MISSHOWE,TOMRS.JUDITHNORTONSATURDAYEVENING,MAY13.
DEAR,GOODWOMAN,
Yourbeloved'shonourisinviolate!--Mustbeinviolate!andwillbeso,inspiteofmenanddevils.CouldIhavehadhopeofareconciliation,allmyviewwas,thatsheshouldnothavehadthisman.--Allthatcanbesaidnow,is,shemustruntheriskofabadhusband:sheofwhomnomanlivingisworthy!
Youpityhermother--sodonotI!Ipitynomotherthatputsitoutofherpowertoshowmaternallove,andhumanity,inordertopatchupforherselfaprecariousandsorryquiet,whicheveryblastofwindshalldisturb.
Ihatetyrantsineverformandshape:butpaternalandmaternaltyrantsaretheworstofall:fortheycanhavenobowels.
Irepeat,thatIpitynoneofthem.Ourbelovedfriendonlydeservespity.Shehadneverbeeninthehandsofthisman,butforthem.Sheisquiteblameless.Youdon'tknowallherstory.WereItotellyouthatshehadnointentiontogooffwiththisman,itwouldavailhernothing.Itwouldonlydeservetocondemn,withthosewhodroveherto
extremities,himwhonowmustbeherrefuge.Iam
Yoursincerefriendandservant,ANNAHOWE.
LETTERXXVIII
MRS.HARLOWE,TOMRS.NORTON[NOTCOMMUNICATEDTILLTHELETTERSCAMETOBECOLLECTED.]SATURDAY,MAY13.
Ireturnananswerinwriting,asIpromised,toyourcommunication.ButtakenonoticeeithertomyBella'sBetty,(whoIunderstandsometimesvisitsyou,)ortothepoorwretchherself,nortoanybody,thatIdowrite.Ichargeyoudon't.Myheartisfull:writingmaygivesomeventtomygriefs,andperhapsImaywritewhatliesmostuponmyheart,withoutconfiningmyselfstrictlytothepresentsubject.
Youknowhowdearthisungratefulcreatureeverwastousall.Youknowhowsincerelywejoinedwitheveryoneofthosewhoeverhadseenher,orconversedwithher,topraiseandadmireher;andexceededinourpraise
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eventheboundsofthatmodesty,which,becauseshewasourown,shouldhaverestrainedus;beingofopinion,thattohavebeensilentinthepraiseofsoapparentameritmustratherhavearguedblindnessoraffectationinus,thanthatweshouldincurthecensureofvainpartialitytoourown.
Whenthereforeanybodycongratulatedusonsuchadaughter,wereceivedtheircongratulationswithoutanydiminution.Ifitwassaid,youarehappyinthischild!weowned,thatnoparentseverwerehappierinachild.If,moreparticularly,theypraisedherdutifulbehaviourtous,wesaid,sheknewnothowtooffend.Ifitweresaid,MissClarissaHarlowehasawitandpenetrationbeyondheryears;we,insteadofdisallowingit,wouldadd--andajudgmentnolessextraordinarythanherwit.Ifherprudencewaspraised,andaforethought,whicheveryonesawsuppliedwhatonlyyearsandexperiencegavetoothers--nobodyneedtoscrupletakinglessonsfromClarissaHarlowe,wasourproudanswer.
Forgiveme,Oforgiveme,mydearNorton--ButIknowyouwill;foryours,whengood,wasthischild,andyourgloryaswellasmine.
Buthaveyounotheardstrangers,asshepassedtoandfromchurch,stoptopraisetheangelofacreature,astheycalledher;whenitwasenoughforthosewhoknewwhoshewas,tocry,Why,itisMissClarissaHarlowe!--asifeverybodywereobligedtoknow,ortohaveheardofClarissa
Harlowe,andofherexcellencies.While,accustomedtopraise,itwastoofamiliartoher,tocausehertoaltereitherherlookorherpace.
Formyownpart,Icouldnotstifleapleasurethathadperhapsafaultyvanityforitsfoundation,wheneverIwasspokenof,oraddressedto,asthemotherofsosweetachild:Mr.HarloweandI,allthetime,lovingeachotherthebetterfortheshareeachhadinsuchadaughter.
Still,stillindulgethefond,theoverflowingheartofamother!Icoulddwellforeverupontheremembranceofwhatshewas,wouldbutthatremembrancebanishfrommymindwhatsheis!
Inherbosom,youngasshewas,couldIreposeallmygriefs--sureof
receivingfromherprudenceandadviceaswellascomfort;andbothinsinuatedinsodutifulamanner,thatitwasimpossibletotakethoseexceptionswhichthedistanceofyearsandcharacterbetweenamotherandadaughterwouldhavemadeoneapprehensiveoffromanyotherdaughter.Shewasourglorywhenabroad,ourdelightwhenathome.Everybodywasevencovetousofhercompany;andwegrudgedhertoourbrothersHarlowe,andtooursisterandbrotherHervey.Noothercontentionamongus,then,butwhoshouldbenextfavouredbyher.Nochidingeverknewshefromus,butthechidingoflovers,whenshewasforshuttingherselfuptoolongtogetherfromus,inpursuitofthosecharmingamusementsandusefulemployments,forwhich,however,thewholefamilywasthebetter.
Ourotherchildrenhadreason(goodchildrenastheyalwayswere)to
thinkthemselvesneglected.Buttheylikewiseweresosensibleoftheirsister'ssuperiority,andofthehonourshereflecteduponthewholefamily,thattheyconfessedthemselveseclipsed,withoutenvyingtheeclipser.Indeed,therewasnotanybodysoequalwithher,intheirownopinions,astoenvywhatallaspiredbuttoemulate.Thedearcreature,youknow,myNorton,gaveaneminencetousall!
Thenheracquirements.Herskillinmusic,herfineneedle-works,hereleganceindress;forwhichshewassomuchadmired,thattheneighbouringladiesusedtosay,thattheyneednotfetchfashionsfrom
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London;sincewhateverMissClarissaHarloweworewasthebestfashion,becauseherchoiceofnaturalbeautiessetthoseofartfarbehindthem.Hergenteelease,andfineturnofperson;herdeepreading,andthese,joinedtoheropenmanners,andhercheerfulmodesty--OmygoodNorton,whatasweetchildwasoncemyClaryHarlowe!
This,andmore,youknewhertobe:formanyofherexcellencieswereowingtoyourself;andwiththemilkyougaveher,yougaveherwhatnoothernurseintheworldcouldgiveher.
Anddoyouthink,myworthywoman,doyouthink,thatthewilfullapseofsuchachildistobeforgiven?Cansheherselfthinkthatshedeservesnottheseverestpunishmentfortheabuseofsuchtalentsaswereintrustedtoher?
Herfaultwasafaultofpremeditation,ofcunning,ofcontrivance.Shehaddeceivedeverybody'sexpectations.Herwholesex,aswellasthefamilyshesprungfrom,isdisgracedbyit.
Wouldanybodyeverhavebelievedthatsuchayoungcreatureasthis,whohadbyheradvicesavedevenherover-livelyfriendfrommarryingafop,andalibertine,wouldherselfhavegoneoffwithoneofthevilestandmostnotoriousoflibertines?Amanwhosecharactersheknew;andknewittobeworsethanthecharacterofhimfromwhomshesavedherfriend;
amanagainstwhomshewaswarned:onewhohadherbrother'slifeinherhands;andwhoconstantlysetourwholefamilyatdefiance.
Thinkforme,mygoodNorton;thinkwhatmyunhappinessmustbebothasawifeandamother.Whatrestlessdays,whatsleeplessnights;yetmyownranklinganguishendeavouredtobesmoothedover,tosoftentheanguishoffiercerspirits,andtokeepthemfromblazingouttofurthermischief!Othisnaughty,naughtygirl,whoknewsowellwhatshedid;andwhocouldlooksofarintoconsequences,thatwethoughtshewouldhavediedratherthanhavedoneasshehaddone!
Herknowncharacterforprudenceleavesherabsolutelywithoutexcuse.HowthencanIoffertopleadforher,if,throughmotherlyindulgence,
Iwouldforgivehermyself?--Andhavewenotmoreoversufferedallthedisgracethatcanbefallus?Hasnotshe?
Ifnowshehassolittlelikingtohismorals,hasshenotreasonbeforetohaveaslittle?Orhasshesufferedbytheminherownperson?--Omygoodwoman,Idoubt--Idoubt--Willnotthecharacterofthemanmakeonedoubtanangel,ifonceinhispower?Theworldwillthinktheworst.Iamtolditdoes.Solikewiseherfatherfears;herbrotherhears;andwhatcanIdo?
Ourantipathytohimsheknewbefore,aswellashischaracter.Thesethereforecannotbenewmotiveswithoutanewreason.--OmydearMrs.Norton,howshallI,howcanyou,supportourselvesunderthe
apprehensionstowhichthesethoughtslead!
Hecontinuallypressingher,yousay,tomarryhim:hisfriendslikewise.Shehasreason,nodoubtshehasreason,forthisapplicationtous:andhercrimeisglossedover,tobringhertouswithnewdisgrace!Whither,whither,doesoneguiltystepleadthemisguidedheart!--Andnow,truly,tosaveastubbornspirit,weareonlytobesounded,thattheapplicationmaybeoccasionallyretractedordenied!
Uponthewhole:wereIinclinedtopleadforher,itisnowthemost
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improperofalltimes.NowthatmybrotherHarlowehasdiscouraged(ashelastnightcamehitheronpurposetotellus)Mr.Hickman'sinsinuatedapplication;andbeenapplaudedforit.Now,thatmybrotherAntonyisintendingtocarryhisgreatfortune,throughherfault,intoanotherfamily:--sheexpecting,nodoubt,herselftobeputintohergrandfather'sestate,inconsequenceofareconciliation,andasarewardforherfault:andinsistingstilluponthesametermswhichsheofferedbefore,andwhichwererejected--Notthroughmyfault,Iamsure,rejected!
Fromallthesethingsyouwillreturnsuchananswerasthecaserequires.Itmightcostmethepeaceofmywholelife,atthistime,tomoveforher.Godforgiveher!IfIdo,nobodyelsewill.Andletit,foryourownsake,aswellasmine,beasecretthatyouandIhaveentereduponthissubject.AndIdesireyounottotouchuponitagainbutbyparticularpermission:for,Omydear,goodwoman,itsetsmyheartableedinginasmanystreamsasthereareveinsinit!
Yetthinkmenotimpenetrablebyapropercontritionandremorse--Butwhatatormentisittohaveawillwithoutapower!
Adieu!adieu!Godgiveusbothcomfort;andtotheoncedear--theever-dearcreature(forcanamotherforgetherchild?)repentance,deeprepentance!andaslittlesufferingasmaybefithisblessedwill,and
hergrievousfault,praysYourrealfriend,CHARLOTTEHARLOWE.
LETTERXXIX
MISSHOWE,TOMISSCLARISSAHARLOWESUNDAY,MAY14.
Howitisnow,mydear,betweenyouandMr.Lovelace,Icannottell.But,wickedasthemanis,Iamafraidhemustbeyourlordandmaster.
Icalledhimbyseveralveryhardnamesinmylast.Ihadbutjustheardofsomeofhisvilenesses,whenIsatdowntowrite;somyindignationwasraised.Butoninquiry,andrecollection,Ifindthatthefactslaidtohischargewereallofthemcommittedsometimeago--notsincehehashadstronghopesofyourfavour.
Thisissayingsomethingforhim.Hisgenerousbehaviourtotheinnkeeper'sdaughterisamorerecentinstancetohiscredit;tosaynothingoftheuniversalgoodcharacterhehasasakindlandlord.AndthenIapprovemuchofthemotionhemadetoputyouinpossessionof
Mrs.Fretchville'shouse,whilehecontinuesattheotherwidow's,tillyouagreethatonehouseshallholdyou.Iwishthisweredone.Besureyouembracethisoffer,(ifyoudonotsoonmeetatthealtar,)andgetoneofhiscousinswithyou.
Wereyouoncemarried,Ishouldthinkyoucannotbeveryunhappy,thoughyoumaynotbesohappywithhimasyoudeservetobe.Thestakehehasinhiscountry,andhisreversions;thecarehetakesofhisaffairs;hisfreedomfromobligation;nay,hispride,withyourmerit,mustbeatolerablesecurityforyou,Ishouldthink.Thoughparticularsofhis
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wickedness,astheycometomyknowledge,hurtandincenseme;yet,afterall,whenIgivemyselftimetoreflect,allthatIhaveheardofhimtohisdisadvantagewascomprehendedinthegeneralcharactergivenofhimlongago,byLordM.'sandhisowndismissedbailiff,*andwhichwasconfirmedtomebyMrs.Fortescue,asIheretoforetoldyou,**andtoyoubyMrs.Greme.***
*SeeVol.I.LetterIV.**Ibid.LetterXII.***SeeVol.III.LetterVI.
Youcanhavenothing,therefore,Ithink,tobedeeplyconcernedabout,buthisfuturegood,andthebadexamplehemayhereaftersettohisownfamily.Theseindeedareveryjustconcerns:butwereyoutoleavehimnow,eitherwithorwithouthisconsent,hisfortunesandalliancessoconsiderable,hispersonandaddresssoengaging,(everyoneexcusingyounowonthoseaccounts,andbecauseofyourrelations'follies,)itwouldhaveaveryillappearanceforyourreputation.Icannot,therefore,onthemostdeliberateconsideration,adviseyoutothinkofthat,whileyouhavenoreasontodoubthishonour.Mayeternalvengeancepursuethevillain,ifhegiveroomforanapprehensionofthisnature!
Yethisteasingwaysareintolerable;hisacquiescencewithyourslightdelays,andhisresignednesstothedistanceyounowkeephimat,(forafaultsomuchslighter,ashemustthink,thanthepunishment,)areunaccountable:Hedoubtsyourloveofhim,thatisveryprobable;butyouhavereasontobesurprisedathiswantofardour;ablessingsogreatwithinhisreach,asImaysay.
Bythetimeyouhavereadtothisplace,youwillhavenodoubtofwhathasbeentheissueoftheconferencebetweenthetwogentlemen.Iamequallyshocked,andenragedagainstthemall.Againstthemall,Isay;forIhavetriedyourgoodNorton'sweightwithyourmother,(thoughatfirstIdidnotintendtotellyouso,)tothesamepurposeasthegentlemansoundedyouruncle.Neverweretheresuchdeterminedbrutesin
theworld!WhyshouldImincethematter?YetwouldIfain,methinks,makeanexceptionforyourmother.
Yourunclewillhaveitthatyouareruined.'Hecanbelieveeverythingbadofacreature,hesays,whocouldrunawaywithaman;withsuchaoneespeciallyasLovelace.Theyexpectedapplicationsfromyou,whensomeheavydistresshadfallenuponyou.Buttheyareallresolvednottostiraninchinyourfavour;no,nottosaveyourlife!'
Mydearestsoul,resolvetoassertyourright.Claimyourown,andgoandliveuponit,asyouought.Then,ifyoumarrynot,howwillthewretchescreeptoyouforyourreversionarydispositions!
Youwereaccused(asinyouraunt'sletter)'ofpremeditationandcontrivanceinyourescape.'Insteadofpityingyou,themediatingpersonwascalledupon'topitythem;whoonce,yourunclesaid,doateduponyou:whotooknojoybutinyourpresence:whodevouredyourwordsasyouspokethem:whotrodoveragainyourfootsteps,asyouwalkedbeforethem.'--AndIknownotwhatofthissort.
Uponthewhole,itisnowevidenttome,andsoitmustbetoyou,whenyoureadthisletter,thatyoumustbehis.Andthesooneryouaresothebetter.Shallwesupposethatmarriageisnotinyourpower?--I
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cannothavepatiencetosupposethat.
Iamconcerned,methinks,toknowhowyouwilldotocondescend,(nowyouseeyoumustbehis,)afteryouhavekepthimatsuchadistance;andfortherevengehispridemayputhimupontakingforit.Butletmetellyou,thatifmygoingup,andsharingfortuneswithyou,willpreventsuchanoblecreaturefromstoopingtoolow;muchmore,wereitlikelytopreventyourruin,Iwouldnothesitateamomentaboutit.Whatisthewholeworldtome,weighedagainstsuchafriendasyouare?Thinkyou,thatanyoftheenjoymentsofthislifecouldbeenjoymentstome,wereyouinvolvedincalamities,fromwhichIcouldeitheralleviateorrelieveyou,bygivingupthoseenjoyments?Andwhatinsayingthis,andactinguptoit,doIofferyou,butthefritsofafriendshipyourworthhascreated?
Excusemywarmthofexpression.Thewarmthofmyheartwantsnone.Iamenragedatyourrelations;for,badaswhatIhavementionedis,Ihavenottoldyouall;nornow,perhaps,everwill.Iamangryatmyownmother'snarrownessofmind,andatherindiscriminateadherencetooldnotions.AndIamexasperatedagainstyourfoolish,yourlow-vanity'dLovelace.Butletusstooptotakethewretchasheis,andmakethebestofhim,sinceyouaredestinedtostoop,tokeepgrovellersandworldlingsincountenance.Hehadnotbeenguiltyofadirectindecencytoyou.Nordarehe--notsomuchofadevilasthatcomestoneither.
Hadhesuchvillainousintentions,somuchinhispowerasyouare,theywouldhaveshewnthemselvesbeforenowtosuchapenetratingandvigilanteye,andtosuchapureheartasyours.Letussavethewretchthen,ifwecan,thoughwesoilourfingersinliftinghimuphisdirt.
Thereisyet,toapersonofyourfortuneandindependence,agooddealtodo,ifyouenteruponthosetermswhichoughttobeenteredupon.Idon'tfindthathehasoncetalkedofsettlements;noryetofthelicense.Afoolishwretch!--Butasyourevildestinyhasthrownyououtofallotherprotectionandmediation,youmustbefather,mother,uncle,toyourself;andenterupontherequisitepointsforyourself.Itisharduponyou;butindeedyoumust.Yoursituationrequiresit.Whatroomfordelicacynow?--Orwouldyouhavemewritetohim?yetthatwould
bethesamethingasifyouweretowriteyourself.Yetwriteyoushould,Ithink,ifyoucannotspeak.Butspeakingiscertainlybest:forwordsleavenotraces;theypassasbreath;andminglewithair;andmaybeexplainedwithlatitude.Butthepenisawitnessonrecord.
Iknowthegentlenessofyourspirit;Iknowthelaudableprideofyourheart;andthejustnotionyouhaveofthedignityofoursexinthesedelicatepoints.Butoncemore,allthisinnothingnow:yourhonourisconcernedthatthedignityIspeakofshouldnotbestoodupon.
'Mr.Lovelace,'wouldIsay;yethatethefoolishfellowforhislow,hisstupidpride,inwishingtotriumphoverthedignityofhisownwife;--'IambyyourmeansdeprivedofeveryfriendIhaveintheworld.In
whatlightamItolookuponyou?Ihavewellconsideredeverything.Youhavemadesomepeople,muchagainstmyliking,thinkmeawife:othersknowIamnotmarried;nordoIdesireanybodyshouldbelieveIam:Doyouthinkyourbeinghereinthesamehousewithmecanbetomyreputation?YoutalkedtomeofMrs.Fretchville'shouse.'Thiswillbringhimtorenewhislastdiscourseonthesubject,ifhedoesnotreviveitofhimlsef.'IfMrs.Fretchvilleknowsnotherownmind,whatisherhousetome?YoutalkedofbringingupyourcousinMontaguetobearmecompany:ifmybrother'sschemesbeyourpretencefornotgoingyourselftofetchher,youcanwritetoher.Iinsistuponbringing
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thesetwopointstoanissue:offoronoughttobeindifferenttome,ifsotothem.'
Suchadeclarationmustbringallforward.Therearetwentyways,mydear,thatyouwouldfindoutforanotherinyourcircumstances.Hewilldisdain,fromhisnativeinsolence,tohaveitthoughthehasanybodytoconsult.Wellthen,willhenotbeobligedtodeclarehimself?Andifhedoes,nodelaysonyourside,Ibeseechyou.Givehimtheday.Letitbeashortone.Itwouldbederogatingfromyourownmerit,nottobesoexplicitasheoughttobe,toseembuttodoubthismeaning;andtowaitforthatexplanationforwhichIshouldeverdespisehim,ifhemakesitnecessary.Twicealreadyhaveyou,mydear,ifnotoftenermodesty'dawaysuchopportunitiesasyououghtnottohaveslipped.Astosettlements,iftheycomenotinnaturally,e'enleavethemtohisownjustice,andtothejusticeofhisfamily,Andthere'sanendofthematter.
Thisismyadvice:menditascircumstancesoffer,andfollowyourown.Butindeed,mydear,this,orsomethinglikeit,wouldIdo.Andlethimtellmeafterwards,ifhedaredorwould,thathehumbleddowntohisshoe-bucklesthepersonitwouldhavebeenhisglorytoexalt.
Supportyourself,meantime,withreflectionsworthyofyourself.Thoughtrickedintothisman'spower,youarenotmeanlysubjugatedtoit.All
hisreverenceyoucommand,orrather,asImaysay,inspire;sinceitwasneverknown,thathehadanyreverenceforaughtthatwasgood,tillyouwaswithhim:andheprofessesnowandthentobesoawedandcharmedbyyourexample,asthattheforceofitshallreclaimhim.
Ibelieveyouwillhaveadifficulttasktokeephimtoit;butthemorewillbeyourhonour,ifyoueffecthisreformation:anditismybelief,thatifyoucanreclaimthisgreat,thisspeciousdeceiver,whohas,morallyspeaking,suchanumberofyearsbeforehim,youwillsavefromruinamultitudeofinnocents;forthoseseemtometohavebeenthepreyforwhichhehasspreadhiswickedsnares.Andwhoknowsbut,forthisverypurpose,principally,apersonmayhavebeenpermittedtoswerve,whoseheartorwillneverwasinhererror,andwhohassomuchremorse
uponherforhaving,asshethinks,erredatall?Adieu,mydearestfriend.
ANNAHOWE.
ENCLOSEDINTHEABOVE.
Imusttroubleyouwithmyconcerns,thoughyouownaresoheavyuponyou.ApieceofnewsIhavetotellyou.YouruncleAntonyisdisposedtomarry.Withwhom,thinkyou?withmymother.Trueindeed.Yourfamilyknowsit.Allislaidwithredoubledmaliceatyourdoor.Andtheretheoldsoulhimselflaysit.
Takenonoticeofthisintelligence,notsomuchasinyourletterstome,forfearofaccidents.
Ithinkitcan'tdo.ButwereItoprovokemymother,thatmightaffordapretence.Else,Ishouldhavebeenwithyoubeforenow,Ifancy.
Thefirstlikelihoodthatappearstomeofencouragement,IdismissHickman,that'scertain.Ifmymotherdisobligemeinsoimportantanarticle,Ishan'tthinkofobligingherinsuchanother.Itis
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impossible,surely,thatthedesireofpoppingmeofftothathonestmancanbewithsuchaview.
Irepeat,thatitcannotcometoanything.Butthesewidows--Thensuchaloveinusall,botholdandyoung,ofbeingcourtedandadmired!--andsoirresistibletotheireldershipstobeflattered,thatallpowerisnotoverwiththem;butthattheymaystillclassandprankitwiththeirdaughters.--Itvexedmeheartilytohavehertellmeofthisproposalwithself-complaisantsimperings;andyetsheaffectedtospeakofitasifshehadnointentiontoencourageit.
Theseantiquatedbachelors(oldbeforetheybelievethemselvestobeso)imaginethatwhentheyhaveoncepersuadedthemselvestothinkofthestate,theyhavenothingmoretodothantomaketheirmindsknowntothewoman.
Youruncle'sovergrownfortuneisindeedabait;atemptingone.Asaucydaughtertobegotridof!Thememoryofthefatherofthatdaughternotpreciousenoughtoweighmuch!--Butlethimadvanceifhedare--letherencourage--butIhopeshewon't.
Excuseme,mydear.Iamnettled.Theyhavefearfullyrumpledmygorget.You'llthinkmefaulty.So,Iwon'tputmynametothisseparatepaper.Otherhandsmayresemblemine.Youdidnotseemewrite
it.
LETTERXXX
MISSCLARISSAHARLOWE,TOMISSHOWEMONDAYAFTERNOON,MAY15.
Nowindeeditisevident,mybest,myonlyfriend,thatIhavebutonechoicetomake.AndnowIdofindthatIhavecarriedmyresentmentagainstthismantoofar;sincenowIamtoappearasifunderan
obligationtohispatiencewithmeforaconduct,whichperhapshewillthink(ifnothumoursomeandchildish)plainlydemonstrativeofmylittleesteemofhim;ofbutasecondaryesteematleast,wherebefore,hispride,ratherthanhismerit,hadmadehimexpectafirst.Omydear!tobecastuponamanthatisnotagenerousman;thatisindeedacruelman!amanthatiscapableofcreatingadistresstoayoungcreature,who,byherevildestinyisthrownintohispower;andthenofenjoyingit,asImaysay![IverilythinkImaysayso,ofthissavage!]--Whatafateismine!
Yougiveme,mydear,goodadvice,astotheperemptorymannerinwhichIoughttotreathim:Butdoyouconsidertowhomitisthatyougiveit?--AndthenshouldItakeit,andshouldhebecapableofdelay,I
unprotected,desolate,nobodytoflyto,inwhatawretchedlightmustIstandinhiseyes;and,whatisstillasbad,inmyown!Omydear,seeyounot,asIdo,thattheoccasionforthismyindelicate,myshockingsituationshouldneverhavebeengivenbyme,ofallcreatures;sinceIamunequal,utterlyunequal,tothecircumstancestowhichmyinconsiderationhasreducedme?--What!Itochallengeamanforahusband!--Itoexertmyselftoquickenthedelayerinhisresolutions!and,havingasyouthinklostanopportunity,tobegintotrytorecallit,asfrommyself,andformyself!tothreatenhim,asImaysay,intothemarriagestate!--Omydear!ifthisberighttobedone,how
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difficultisit,wheremodestyandself(orwherepride,ifyouplease)isconcerned,todothatright?or,toexpressmyselfinyourwords,tobefather,mother,uncle,tomyself!--especiallywhereonethinksatriumphoveroneisintended.
Yousay,youhavetriedMrs.Norton'sweightwithmymother--badasthereturnsarewhichmyapplicationbyMr.Hickmanhasmetwith,youtellme,'thatyouhavenotacquaintedmewithallthebad,nornow,perhaps,everwill.'Butwhyso,mydear?Whatisthebad,whatcanbethebad,whichnowyouwillnevertellmeof?--Whatworse,thanrenounceme!andforever!'Myuncle,yousay,believesmeruined:hedeclaresthathecanbelieveeverythingbadofacreaturewhocouldrunawaywithaman:andtheyhaveallmadearesolutionnottostiraninchinmyfavour;no,nottosavemylife!'--Haveyouworsethanthis,mydear,behind?--Surelymyfatherhasnotrenewedhisdreadfulmalediction!--Surely,ifso,mymotherhasnotjoinedinit!Havemyunclesgiventheirsanction,andmadeitafamilyact?Andthemselvestherebymorereallyfaulty,thaneverTHEYsupposemetobe,thoughIthecauseofthatgreaterfaultinthem?--What,mydear,istheworst,thatyouwillleaveforeverunrevealed?
OLovelace!whycomestthounotjustnow,whiletheseblackprospectsarebeforeme?Fornow,couldstthoulookintomyheart,wouldstthouseeadistressworthyofthybarbaroustriumph!
***
Iwasforcedtoquitmypen.AndyousayyouhavetriedMrs.Norton'sweightwithmymother?
Whatisdonecannotberemedied:butIwishyouhadnottakenastepofthisimportancetomewithoutfirstconsultingme.Forgiveme,mydear,butImusttellyouthatthathigh-soul'dandnoblefriendshipwhichyouhaveeveravowedwithsoobligingandsouncommonawarmth,althoughithasbeenalwaysthesubjectofmygratefuladmiration,hasbeenoftenthe
groundofmyapprehension,becauseofitsunbridledfervour.
Well,butnowtolookforward,youareofopinionthatImustbehis:andthatIcannotleavehimwithreputationtomyself,whetherwithorwithouthisconsent.Imust,ifso,makethebestofthebadmatter.
Hewentoutinthemorning;intendingnottoreturntodinner,unless(ashesentmeword)Iwouldadmithimtodinewithme.
Iexcusedmyself.Theman,whoseangerisnowtobeofsuchhighimportancetome,was,itseems,displeased.
Ashe(aswellasI)expectedthatIshouldreceivealetterfromyou
thisdaybyCollins,Isupposehewillnotbelongbeforehereturns;andthen,possibly,heistobemightystately,mightymannish,mightycoy,ifyouplease!AndthenmustIbeveryhumble,verysubmissive,andtrytoinsinuatemyselfintohisgoodgraces:withdowncasteye,ifnotbyspeech,beghisforgivenessforthedistanceIhavesoperverselykepthimat?--Yes,Iwarrant!--ButIshallseehowthisbehaviourwillsituponme!--Youhavealwaysralliedmeuponmymeekness,Ithink:wellthen,IwilltryifIcanbestillmeeker,shallI!--Omydear!--
Butletmesitwithmyhandsbeforeme,allpatience,allresignation;
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forIthinkIhearhimcomingup.OrshallIroundlyaccosthim,inthewords,intheform,whichyou,mydear,prescribed?
Heiscomein.Hehassenttome,allimpatience,asDorcassays,byhisaspect.--ButIcannot,cannotseehim!
MONDAYNIGHT.
Thecontentsofyourletter,andmyownheavyreflections,renderedmeincapableofseeingthisexpectingman.ThefirstwordheaskedDorcas,was,IfIhadreceivedalettersincehehadbeenout?Shetoldmethis;andheranswer,thatIhad;andwasfasting,andhadbeenintearseversince.
Hesenttodesireaninterviewwithme.
Iansweredbyher,ThatIwasnotverywell.Inthemorning,ifbetter,Iwouldseehimassoonashepleased.
Veryhumble!wasitnot,mydear?Yethewastooroyaltotakeitforhumility;forDorcastoldme,herubbedonesideofhisfaceimpatiently;andsaidarashword,andwasoutofhumour;stalkingabouttheroom.
Halfanhourlater,hesentagain;desiringveryearnestly,thatIshouldadmithimtosupperwithme.HewouldenteruponnosubjectsofconversationbutwhatIshouldleadto.
SoIshouldhavebeenatliberty,yousee,tocourthim!
Iagaindesiredtobeexcused.
Indeed,mydear,myeyeswereswelled:Iwasverylowspirited;andcouldnotthinkofenteringallatonce,afterthedistanceIhadkepthimatforseveraldays,intothefreedomofconversationwhichtheutterrejectionIhavemetwithfrommyrelations,aswellasyouradvice,hasmadenecessary.
Hesentuptotellme,thatasheheardIwasfasting,ifIwouldpromisetoeatsomechickenwhichMrs.Sinclairhadorderedforsupper,hewouldacquiesce.--Verykindinhisanger!Ishenot?
IpromisedthatIwould.CanIbemorepreparativelycondescending?--Howhappy,I'llwarrant,ifImaymeethiminakindandforgivinghumour!
Ihatemyself!ButIwon'tbeinsulted.IndeedIwon't,forallthis.
LETTERXXXI
MISSCLARISSAHARLOWE,TOMISSHOWETUESDAY,MAY16.
Ithinkoncemoreweseemtobeinakindoftrain;butthroughastorm.Iwillgiveyoutheparticulars.
Iheardhiminthedining-roomatfiveinthemorning.Ihadrestedveryill,andwasuptoo.Butopenednotmydoortillsix:whenDorcas
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broughtmehisrequestformycompany.
Heapproachedme,andtakingmyhand,asIenteredthedining-room,Iwentnottobed,Madam,tilltwo,saidhe;yetsleptnotawink.ForGod'ssake,tormentmenot,asyouhavedoneforaweekpast.
Hepaused.Iwassilent.
Atfirst,proceededhe,Ithoughtyourresentmentofacuriosity,inwhichIhadbeendisappointed,couldnotbedeep;andthatitwouldgooffofitself:But,whenIfounditwastobekeptuptillyouknewthesuccessofsomenewovertureswhichyouhadmade,andwhich,compliedwith,mighthavedeprivedmeofyouforever,how,Madam,couldIsupportmyselfunderthethoughtsofhaving,withsuchanunionofinterests,madesolittleimpressionuponyourmindinmyfavour?
Hepausedagain.Iwasstillsilent.Hewenton.
IacknowledgethatIhaveaproudheart,Madam.IcannotbuthopeforsomeinstancesofpreviousandpreferablefavourfromtheladyIamambitioustocallmine;andthatherchoiceofmeshouldnotappear,notflagrantlyappear,directedbytheperversenessofherselfishpersecutors,whoaremyirreconcilableenemies.
Moretothesamepurposehesaid.Youknow,mydear,theroomhehadgivenmetorecriminateuponhimintwentyinstances.Ididnotsparehim.
Everyoneoftheseinstances,saidI,(afterIhadenumeratedthem)convincesmeofyourprideindeed,Sir,butnotofyourmerit.Iconfess,thatIhaveasmuchprideasyoucanhave,althoughIhopeitisofanotherkindthanthatyousoreadilyavow.Butif,Sir,youhavetheleastmixtureinyoursofthatpridewhichmaybeexpected,andthoughtlaudable,inamanofyourbirth,alliances,andfortune,youshouldratherwish,Iwillpresumetosay,topromotewhatyoucallmypride,thaneithertosuppressit,ortoregretthatIhaveit.Itisthismyacknowledgedpride,proceededI,thatinducesmetotellyou,Sir,thatI
thinkitbeneathmetodisownwhathavebeenmymotivesfordeclining,forsomedayspast,anyconversationwithyou,orvisitfromMr.Mennell,thatmightleadtopointsoutofmypowertodetermineupon,untilIheardfrommyuncleHarlowe;whom,Iconfess,Ihavecausedtobesounded,whetherImightbefavouredwithhisinteresttoobtainformeareconciliationwithmyfriends,upontermswhichIhadcausedtobeproposed.
Iknownot,saidhe,andsupposemustnotpresumetoask,whatthosetermswere.ButIcanbuttoowellguessatthem;andthatIwastohavebeenthepreliminarysacrifice.Butyoumustallowme,Madam,tosay,ThatasmuchasIadmirethenoblenessofyoursentimentsingeneral,andinparticularthatlaudablepridewhichyouhavespokenof,IwishthatI
couldcomplimentyouwithsuchanuniformityinit,ashadsetyouasmuchaboveallsubmissiontomindsimplacableandunreasonable,(IhopeImay,withoutoffence,say,thatyourbrother'sandsister'saresuch,)asithasaboveallfavourandcondescensiontome.
Dutyandnature,Sir,calluponmetomakethesubmissionsyouspeakof:thereisafather,thereisamother,thereareunclesintheonecase,tojustifyanddemandthosesubmissions.What,pray,Sir,canbepleadedforthecondescension,asyoucallit?Willyousay,yourmerits,eitherwithregardtothem,ortomyself,may?
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This,Madam,tobesaid,afterthepersecutionsofthoserelations!Afterwhatyouhavesuffered!Afterwhatyouhavemademehope!Letme,mydearestcreature,askyou,(wehavebeentalkingofpride,)Whatsortofpridemusthisbe,whichcandispensewithinclinationandpreferenceintheladywhomheadores?--Whatmustthatlove--
Love,Sir!whotalksoflove?--Wasnotmeritthethingweweretalkingof?--HaveIeverprofessed,haveIeverrequiredofyouprofessionsofapassionofthatnature?--Butthereisnoendofthesedebatings;eachsofaultless,eachsofullofself--
Idonotthinkmyselffaultless,Madam:--but--
Butwhat,Sir!--Wouldyouevermorearguewithme,asifyouwereachild?--Seekingpalliations,andmakingpromises?--Promisesofwhat,Sir?Ofbeinginfuturethemanitisashameagentlemanisnot?--Ofbeingtheman--
GoodGod!interruptedhe,witheyesliftedup,ifthouwerttobethussevere--
Well,well,Sir![impatiently]Ineedonlytoobserve,thatallthisvastdifferenceinsentimentshowshowunpairedourmindsare--solet
us--Letuswhat,Madam?--Mysoulisrisingintotumults!Andhelookedsowildly,thatIwasagooddealterrified--Letuswhat,Madam?----
Iwas,however,resolvednottodesertmyself--Why,Sir!letusresolvetoquiteveryregardforeachother.--Nay,flamenotout--Iamapoorweak-mindedcreatureinsomethings:butwherewhatIshouldbe,ornotdeservetolive,ifIamnotisinthequestion,Ihaveagreatandinvinciblespirit,ormyownconceitbetraysme--letusresolvetoquiteveryregardforeachotherthatismorethancivil.Thisyoumaydependupon:Iwillnevermarryanyotherman.Ihaveseenenoughofyoursex;atleastofyou.--Asinglelifeshalleverbemychoice:whileIwill
leaveyouatlibertytopursueyourown.
Indifference,worsethanindifference!saidhe,inapassion--
Interruptinghim--Indifferenceletitbe--youhavenot(inmyopinionatleast)deservedthatitshouldbeother:ifyouhaveinyourown,youhavecause(atleastyourpridehas)tohatemeformisjudgingyou.
Dearest,dearestcreature!snatchingmyhandwithfierceness,letmebeseechyoutobeuniformlynoble!Civilregards,Madam!--Civilregards!--Canyousoexpecttonarrowandconfinesuchapassionasmine?
Suchapassionasyours,Mr.Lovelace,deservestobenarrowedand
confined.Itiseitherthepassionyoudonotthinkit,orIdonot.Iquestionwhetheryourmindiscapableofbeingsonarrowedandsowidened,asisnecessarytomakeitbewhatIwishittobe.Liftupyourhandsandyoureyes,Sir,insilentwonder,ifyouplease;butwhatdoesthatwonderexpress,whatdoesitconvincemeof,butthatwearenotbornforoneanother.
Bymysoul,saidhe,andgraspedmyhandwithaneagernessthathurtit,wewerebornforoneanother:youmustbemine--youshallbemine[andputhisotherhandroundme]althoughmydamnationweretobethe
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purchase!
Iwasstillmoreterrified--letmeleaveyou,Mr.Lovelace,saidI;ordoyoubegonefromme.Isthepassionyouboastoftobethusshockinglydemonstrated?
Youmustnotgo,Madam!--Youmustnotleavemeinanger--
Iwillreturn--Iwillreturn--whenyoucanbelessviolent--lessshocking.
Andheletmego.
Themanquitefrightedme;insomuch,thatwhenIgotintomychamber,Ifoundasuddenflowoftearsagreatrelieftome.
Inhalfanhour,hesentalittlebillet,expressinghisconcernforthevehemenceofhisbehaviour,andprayedtoseeme.
Iwent.BecauseIcouldnothelpmyself,Iwent.
Hewasfullofexcuses--Omydear,whatwouldyou,evenyou,dowithsuchamanasthis;andinmysituation?
Itwasverypossibleforhimnow,hesaid,toaccountfortheworkingsofabeginningphrensy.Forhispart,hewasneardistraction.Alllastweektosufferashehadsuffered;andnowtotalkofcivilregardsonly,whenhehadhoped,fromthenoblenessofmymind--
Hopewhatyouwill,interruptedI,Imustinsistuponit,thatourmindsarebynomeanssuitedtoeachother.Youhavebroughtmeintodifficulties.IamdesertedbyeveryfriendbutMissHowe.MytruesentimentsIwillnotconceal--itisagainstmywillthatImustsubmittooweprotectionfromabrother'sprojects,whichMissHowethinksarenotgivenover,toyou,whohavebroughtmeintothesestraights:notwithmyownconcurrencebroughtmeintothem;rememberthat--
Idorememberthat,Madam!--Sooftenreminded,howcanIforgetit?--
YetIwillowetoyouthisprotection,ifitbenecessary,intheearnesthopethatyouwillshun,ratherthanseekmischief,ifanyfurtherinquiryaftermebemade.Butwhathindersyoufromleavingme?--CannotIsendtoyou?ThewidowFretchville,itisplain,knowsnotherownmind:thepeopleherearemoreciviltomeeverydaythanother:butIhadratherhavelodgingsmoreagreeabletomycircumstances.Ibestknowwhatwillsuitthem;andamresolvednottobeobligedtoanybody.Ifyouleaveme,Iwillprivatelyretiretosomeoneoftheneighbouringvillages,andtherewaitmycousinMorden'sarrivalwithpatience.
Ipresume,Madam,repliedhe,fromwhatyouhavesaid,thatyour
applicationtoHarlowe-placehasprovedunsuccessful:Ithereforehopethatyouwillnowgivemeleavetomentionthetermsinthenatureofsettlements,whichIhavelongintendedtoproposetoyou;andwhichhavingtillnowdelayedtodo,throughaccidentsnotproceedingfrommyself,Ihadthoughtsofurgingtoyouthemomentyouentereduponyournewhouse;anduponyourfindingyourselfasindependentinappearanceasyouareinfact.Permitme,Madam,toproposethesematterstoyou--notwithanexpectationofyourimmediateanswer;butforyourconsideration.
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Werenothesitation,aself-feltglow,adowncasteye,encouragementmorethanenough?andyetyouwillobserve(asInowdoonrecollection)thathewasinnogreathurrytosolicitforaday;sincehehadnothoughtsofproposingsettlementstillIhadgotintomynewhouse;andnow,inhisgreatcomplaisancetome,hedesiredleavetoproposehisterms,notwithanexpectationofmyimmediateanswer;butformyconsiderationonly--Yet,mydear,youradvicewastoomuchinmyheadatthistime.Ihesitated.
Heurgedonuponmysilence;hewouldcallGodtowitnesstothejustice,naytothegenerosityofhisintentionstome,ifIwouldbesogoodastohearwhathehadtoproposetome,astosettlements.
Couldnotthemanhavefallenintothesubjectwithoutthisparade?Manyapoint,youknow,isrefused,andoughttoberefused,ifleavebeaskedtointroduceit;andwhenoncerefused,therefusalmustinhonourbeadheredto--whereas,haditbeenslidinuponone,asImaysay,itmighthavemeritedfurtherconsideration.IfsuchamanasMr.Lovelaceknowsnotthis,whoshould?
Butheseemedtothinkitenoughthathehadaskedmyleavetoproposehissettlements.Hetooknoadvantageofmysilence,asIpresumemenasmodestasMr.Lovelacewouldhavedoneinalikecase:yet,gazinginmyfaceveryconfidently,andseemingtoexpectmyanswer,Ithoughtmyself
obligedtogivethesubjectamorediffuseturn,inordertosavemyselfthemortificationofappearingtooreadyinmycompliance,aftersuchadistanceashadbeenbetweenus;andyet(inpursuanceofyouradvice)Iwaswillingtoavoidthenecessityofgivinghimsucharepulseasmightagainthrowusoutofthecourse--acruelalternativetobereducedto!
Youtalkofgenerosity,Mr.Lovelace,saidI;andyoutalkofjustice;perhaps,withouthavingconsideredtheforceofthewords,inthesenseyouusethemonthisoccasion.--Letmetellyouwhatgenerosityis,inmysenseoftheword--TRUEGENEROSITYisnotconfinedtopecuniaryinstances:itismorethanpoliteness:itismorethangoodfaith:itismorethanhonour;itismorethanjustice;sinceallofthesearebutduties,andwhataworthymindcannotdispensewith.ButTRUEGENEROSITY
isgreatnessofsoul.Itincitesustodomorebyafellow-creaturethancanbestrictlyrequiredofus.Itobligesustohastentothereliefofanobjectthatwantsrelief;anticipatingevensuchaone'shopeorexpectation.Generosity,Sir,willnotsurelypermitaworthymindtodoubtofitshonourableandbeneficentintentions:muchlesswillitallowitselftoshock,tooffendanyone;and,leastofall,apersonthrownbyadversity,mishap,oraccident,intoitsprotection.
Whatanopportunityhadhetoclearhisintentionshadhebeensodisposed,fromthelatterpartofthishomeobservation!--butheranawaywiththefirst,andkepttothat.
Admirablydefined!hesaid--Butwho,atthisrate,Madam,canbesaidto
begeneroustoyou?--YourgenerosityIimplore,whilejustice,asitmustbemysolemerit,shallbemyaim.Neverwasthereawomanofsuchniceanddelicatesentiments!
Itisareflectionuponyourself,Sir,anduponthecompanyyouhavekept,ifyouthinkthesenotionseitherniceordelicate.ThousandsofmysexaremorenicethanI;fortheywouldhaveavoidedthedeviouspathIhavebeensurprisedinto;theconsequencesofwhichsurprisehavelaidmeunderthesadnecessityoftellingaman,whohasnotdelicacyenoughtoenterintothosepartsofthefemalecharacterwhichareitsgloryand
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distinction,whattruegenerosityis.
Hisdivinemonitress,hecalledme.Hewouldendeavourtoformhismanners(ashehadoftenpromised)bymyexample.ButhehopedIwouldnowpermithimtomentionbrieflythejusticeheproposedtodome,inthetermsofthesettlements;asubjectsoproper,beforenow,tohaveenteredupon;andwhichwouldhavebeenentereduponlongago,hadnotmyfrequentdispleasure[Iameverinfault,mydear!]takenfromhimtheopportunityhehadoftenwishedfor:butnow,havingventuredtolayholdofthis,nothingshoulddiverthimfromimprovingit.
Ihavenospirits,justnow,Sir,toattendsuchweightypoints.Whatyouhaveamindtopropose,writetome:andIshallknowwhatanswertoreturn.Onlyonethingletmeremindyouof,thatifyoutouchuponasubject,inwhichmyfatherhasaconcern,Ishalljudgebyyourtreatmentofthefatherwhatvalueyouhaveforthedaughter.
Helookedasifhewouldchooserathertospeakthanwrite:buthadhesaidso,Ihadaseverereturntohavemadeuponhim;aspossiblyhemightseebymylooks.
***
Inthiswayarewenow:asortofcalm,asIsaid,succeedingastorm.Whatmayhappennext,whetherastormoracalm,withsuchaspiritasIhavetodealwith,whocantell?
But,bethatasitwill,Ithink,mydear,Iamnotmeanlyoff:andthatisagreatpointwithme;andwhichIknowyouwillbegladtohear:ifitwereonly,thatIcanseethismanwithoutlosinganyofthatdignity[WhatotherwordcanIuse,speakingofmyself,thatbetokensdecency,andnotarrogance?]whichissonecessarytoenablemetolookup,orratherwiththemind'seye,Imaysay,tolookdownuponamanofthisman'scast.
Althoughcircumstancehavesooffered,thatIcouldnottakeyouradviceastothemannerofdealingwithhim;yetyougavemesomuchcouragebyit,ashasenabledmetoconductthingstothisissue;aswellasdeterminedmeagainstleavinghim:which,before,Iwasthinkingtodo,atalladventures.Whether,whenitcametothepoint,Ishouldhavedoneso,ornot,Icannotsay,becauseitwouldhavedependeduponhisbehaviouratthetime.
Butlethisbehaviourbewhatitwill,Iamafraid,(withyou,)thatshouldanythingofferatlasttoobligemetoleavehim,Ishallnotmendmysituationintheworld'seye;butthecontrary.AndyetIwillnotbetreatedbyhimwithindignitywhileIhaveanypowertohelpmyself.
You,mydear,haveaccusedmeofhavingmodesty'daway,asyouphraseit,severalopportunitiesofbeing--Beingwhat,mydear?--Why,thewifeofalibertine:andwhatalibertineandhiswifearemycousinMorden'slettertellsus.--Letmehere,onceforall,endeavourtoaccountforthemotivesofbehaviortothisman,andfortheprinciplesIhaveproceededupon,astheyappeartomeuponacloseself-examination.
Bepleasedtoallowmetothinkthatmymotivesonthisoccasionrisenotaltogetherfrommaidenlyniceness;noryetfromtheapprehensionofwhat
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mypresenttormenter,andfuturehusband,maythinkofaprecipitatecompliance,onsuchadisagreeablebehaviourashis:buttheyariseprincipallyfromwhatofferstomyownheart;respecting,asImaysay,itsownrectitude,itsownjudgmentofthefitandtheunfit;asIwould,withoutstudy,answerformyselftomyself,inthefirstplace;tohim,andtotheworld,inthesecondonly.Principlesthatareinmymind;thatIfoundthere;implanted,nodoubt,bythefirstgraciousPlanter:whichthereforeimpelme,asImaysay,toactuptothem,thattherebyImay,tothebestofmyjudgment,beenabledtocomportmyselfworthilyinbothstates,(thesingleandthemarried),letothersactastheywillbyme.
Ihope,mydear,Idonotdeceivemyself,and,insteadofsettingaboutrectifyingwhatisamissinmyheart,endeavourtofindexcusesforhabitsandpeculiarities,whichIamunwillingtocastofforovercome.Theheartisverydeceitful:doyou,mydearfriend,laymineopen,[butsurelyitisalwaysopenbeforeyou!]andsparemenot,ifyouthinkitculpable.
Thisobservation,onceforall,asIsaid,Ithoughtpropertomake,toconvinceyouthat,tothebestofmyjudgment,myerrors,inmattersaswelloflessermomentasofgreater,shallratherbethefaultofmyjudgmentthanofmywill.
Iam,mydearestfriend,Youreverobliged,CLARISSAHARLOWE.
LETTERXXXII
MISSCLARISSAHARLOWE,TOMISSHOWETUESDAYNIGHT,MAY16.
Mr.Lovelacehassentme,byDorcas,hisproposals,asfollow:
'Tospareadelicacysoextreme,andtoobeyyou,Iwrite:andtheratherthatyoumaycommunicatethispapertoMissHowe,whomayconsultanyofherfriendsyoushallthinkpropertohaveintrustedonthisoccasion.Isayintrusted;because,asyouknow,Ihavegivenitouttoseveralpersons,thatweareactuallymarried.
'Inthefirstplace,Madam,Ioffertosettleuponyou,bywayofjointure,yourwholeestate:andmoreovertovestintrusteessuchapartofmineinLancashire,asshallproduceaclearfourhundredpoundsayear,tobepaidtoyoursoleandseparateusequarterly.
'Myownestateisaclearnotnominnal2000l.perannum.LordM.
proposestogivemepossessioneitherofthatwhichhehasinLancashire,[towhich,bytheway,IthinkIhaveabettertitlethanhehashimself,]orthatwecallTheLawn,inHertfordshire,uponmynuptialswithaladywhomhesogreatlyadmires;andtomakethatIshallchooseaclear1000l.perannum.
'Mytoogreatcontemptofcensurehassubjectedmetomuchslander.Itmaynotthereforebeimpropertoassureyou,onthewordofagentleman,thatnopartofmyestatewasevermortgaged:andthatalthoughIlivedveryexpensivelyabroad,andmadelargedraughts,yetthatMidsummer-day
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nextwilldischargeallthatIoweintheworld.Mynotionsarenotallbadones.Ihavebeenthought,inpecuniarycases,generous.Itwouldhavedeservedanothername,hadInotfirstbeenjust.
'If,asyourownestateisatpresentinyourfather'shands,youratherchoosethatIshouldmakeajointureoutofmine,tantamounttoyours,beitwhatitwill,itshallbedone.IwillengageLordM.towritetoyou,whatheproposestodoonthehappyoccasion:notasyourdesireorexpectation,buttodemonstrate,thatnoadvantageisintendedtobetakenofthesituationyouareinwithyourownfamily.
'ToshewthebeloveddaughtertheconsiderationIhaveforher,Iwillconsentthatsheshallprescribethetermsofagreementinrelationtothelargesums,whichmustbeinherfather'shands,arisingfromhergrandfather'sestate.Ihavenodoubt,buthewillbeputuponmakinglargedemandsuponyou.Allthoseitshallbeinyourpowertocomplywith,forthesakeofyourownpeace.Andtheremaindershallbepaidintoyourhands,andbeentirelyatyourdisposal,asafundtosupportthosecharitabledonations,whichIhaveheardyousofamedforourofyourfamily,andforwhichyouhavebeensogreatlyreflecteduponinit.
'Astoclothes,jewels,andthelike,againstthetimeyoushallchoosetomakeyourappearance,itwillbemypridethatyoushallnotbebeholdenforsuchofthese,asshallbeanswerabletotherankofboth,
tothosewhohavehadthestupidfollytorenounceadaughtertheydeservednot.Youmustexcuseme,Madam:youwouldmistrustmysincerityintherest,couldIspeakofthesepeoplewithoutasperity,thoughsonearlyrelatedtoyou.
'These,Madam,aremyproposals.TheyaresuchasIalwaysdesignedtomake,wheneveryouwouldpermitmetoenterintothedelightfulsubject.Butyouhavebeensodeterminedtotryeverymethodforreconcilingyourselftoyourrelations,evenbygivingmeabsolutelyupforever,thatyouseemedtothinkitbutjusticetokeepmeatadistance,tilltheeventofthatyourpredominanthopecouldbeseen.Itisnowseen!--andalthoughIhavebeen,andperhapsstillam,readytoregretthewantofthatpreferenceIwishedforfromyouasMissClarissaHarlowe,
yetIamsure,asthehusbandofMrs.Lovelace,Ishallbemorereadytoadorethantoblameyouforthepangsyouhavegiventoaheart,thegenerosity,orrather,thejusticeofwhich,myimplacableenemieshavetaughtyoutodoubt:andthisstillthereadier,asIampersuadedthatthosepangsneverwouldhavebeengivenbyamindsonoble,hadnotthedoubtbeenentertained(perhapswithtoogreatanappearanceofreason);andasIhopeIshallhaveittoreflect,thatthemomentthedoubtshallbeovercome,theindifferencewillcease.
'Iwillonlyadd,thatifIhaveomittedanything,thatwouldhavegivenyoufarthersatisfaction;oriftheabovetermsbeshortofwhatyouwouldwish;youwillbepleasedtosupplythemasyouthinkfit.AndwhenIknowyourpleasure,Iwillinstantlyorderarticlestobedrawnup
comformably,thatnothinginmypowermaybewantingtomakeyouhappy.
'Youwillnow,dearestMadam,judge,howfaralltherestdependsuponyourself.'
Yousee,mydear,whatheoffers.Youseeitisallmyfault,thathehasnotmadetheseoffersbefore.Iamastrangecreature!--tobetoblameineverything,andtoeverybody;yetneitherintendtheillatthetime,norknowittobetheilltoolate,orsonearlytoolate,thatImustgiveupallthedelicacyhetalksof,tocompoundformyfault!
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Ishallnowjudgehowfartherestdependsuponmyself!Socoldlyconcludeshesuchwarm,and,inthemain,unobjectionablyproposals:Wouldyounot,asyouread,havesupposed,thatthepaperwouldconcludewiththemostearnestdemandofaday?--Iown,Ihadthatexpectationsostrong,resultingnaturally,asImaysay,fromthepremises,thatwithoutstudyingfordissatisfaction,IcouldnothelpbeingdissatisfiedwhenIcametotheconclusion.
Butyousaythereisnohelp.Imustperhapsmakefurthersacrifices.Alldelicacyitseemsistobeatanendwithme!--but,ifso,thismanknowsnotwhateverywisemanknows,thatprudence,andvirtue,anddelicacyofmindinawife,dothehusbandmorerealhonourintheeyeoftheworld,thanthesamequalities(wereshedestituteofthem)inhimself,dohim:asthewantoftheminherdoeshimmoredishonour:Forarenotthewife'serrorsthehusband'sreproach?howjustlyhisreproach,isanotherthing.
Iwillconsiderthispaper;andwritetoit,ifIamable:foritseemsnow,alltherestdependsuponmyself.
LETTERXXXIII
MISSCLARISSAHARLOWE,TOMISSHOWEWEDNESDAYMORNING,MAY17.
Mr.Lovelacewouldfainhaveengagedmelastnight.ButasIwasnotpreparedtoenteruponthesubjectofhisproposals,(intendingtoconsiderthemmaturely,)andwasnothighlypleasedwithhisconclusion,Idesiredtobeexcusedseeinghimtillmorning;andtherather,asthereishardlyanygettingfromhimintolerabletimeovernight.
Accordingly,aboutseveno'clockwemetinthedining-room.
IfindhewasfullofexpectationthatIshouldmeethimwithaveryfavourable,whoknowsbutwithathankful,aspect?andIimmediatelyfoundbyhissullencountenance,thathewasundernosmalldisappointmentthatIdidnot.
Mydearestlove,areyouwell?Whylookyousosolemnuponme?Willyourindifferenceneverbeover?IfIhaveproposedtermsinanyrespectshortofyourexpectation--
Itoldhim,thathehadveryconsideratelymentionedmyshewinghisproposalstoMissHowe;andasIshouldhaveaspeedyopportunitytosendthemtoherbyCollins,IdesiredtosuspendanytalkuponthatsubjecttillIhadheropinionuponthem.
GoodGod!--Iftherewasbuttheleastloop-hole!theleastroomfordelay!--ButhewaswritingalettertoLordM.togivehimanaccountofhissituationwithme,andcouldnotfinishitsosatisfactorily,eithertomyLordortohimself,asifIwouldcondescendtosay,whetherthetermshehadproposedwereacceptable,ornot.
Thusfar,Itoldhim,Icouldsay,thatmyprincipalpointwaspeaceandreconciliationwithmyrelations.Astoothermatters,thegentlenessofhisownspiritwouldputhimupondoingmoreformethanIshouldask,or
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expect.Wherefore,ifallhehadtowriteaboutwastoknowwhatLordM.woulddoonmyaccount,hemightsparehimselfthetrouble,forthatmyutmostwishes,astomyself,weremuchmoreeasilygratifiedthanheperhapsimagined.
Heaskedmethen,ifIwouldsofarpermithimtotouchuponthehappyday,astorequestthepresenceofLordM.ontheoccasion,andtobemyfather?
Fatherhadasweetandvenerablesoundwithit,Isaid.Ishouldbegladtohaveafatherwhowouldownme!
Wasnotthisplainspeaking,thinkyou,mydear?Yetitrather,Imustown,appearssotomeonreflection,thanwasdesignedfreelyatthetime.ForIthen,withasighfromthebottomofmyheart,thoughtofmyownfather;bitterlyregretting,thatIamanoutcastfromhimandfrommymother.
Mr.LovelaceIthoughtseemedalittleaffectedatthemannerofmyspeaking,andperhapsatthesadreflection.
Iambutaveryyoungcreature,Mr.Lovelace,saidI,[andwipedmyeyesasIturnedawaymyface,]althoughyouhavekindly,andinlovetome,introducedsomuchsorrytomealready:soyoumustnotwonder,thatthe
wordfatherstrikessosensiblyupontheheartofachildeverdutifultillsheknewyou,andwhosetenderyearsstillrequirethepaternalwing.
Heturnedtowardsthewindow--[rejoicewithme,mydear,sinceIseemtobedevotedtohim,thatthemanisnotabsolutelyimpenetrable!]Hisemotionwasvisible;yetheendeavouredtosuppressit.Approachingmeagain;againhewasobligedtoturnfromme;angelicsomething,hesaid:butthen,obtainingaheartmoresuitabletohiswish,heoncemoreapproachedme.--Forhisownpart,hesaid,asLordM.wassosubjecttogout,hewasafraid,thatthecomplimenthehadjustproposedtomakehim,might,ifmade,occasionalargersuspensionthanhecouldbeartothinkof;andifitdid,itwouldvexhimtotheheartthathehadmade
it.
Icouldnotsayasinglewordtothis,youknow,mydear.Butyouwillguessatmythoughtsofwhathesaid--somuchpassionatelove,lip-deep!soprudent,andsodutifullypatientathearttoarelationhehadtillnowsoundutifullydespised!--Why,why,amIthrownuponsuchaman,thoughtI!
Hehesitated,asifcontendingwithhimself;andaftertakingaturnortwoabouttheroom,Hewasatagreatlosswhattodetermineupon,hesaid,becausehehadnotthehonourofknowingwhenhewastobemadethehappiestofmen--WouldtoGoditmightthatveryinstantberesolvedupon!
Hestoppedamomentortwo,staringinhisusualconfidentway,inmydowncastface,[DidInot,Omybelovedfriend,thinkyou,wantafatheroramotherjustthen?]Butifhecouldnot,sosoonashewished,procuremyconsenttoaday;inthatcase,hethoughtthecomplimentmightaswellbemadetoLordM.asnot,[See,mydear!]sincethesettlementsmightbedrawnandengrossedintheintervenienttime,whichwouldpacifyhisimpatience,asnotimewouldbelost.
YouwillsupposehowIwasaffectedbythisspeech,byrepeatingthe
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substanceofwhathesaiduponit;asfollows.
But,byhissoul,heknewnot,somuchwasIuponthereserve,andsomuchlatentmeaningdidmyeyeimport,whether,whenhemosthopedtopleaseme,hewasnotfarthestfromdoingso.WouldIvouchsafetosay,whetherIapprovedofhiscomplimenttoLordM.ornot?
Toleaveittome,tochoosewhetherthespeedydayheoughttohaveurgedforwithearnestness,shouldbeacceleratedorsuspended!--MissHowe,thoughtI,atthatmoment,says,Imustnotrunawayfromthisman!
Tobesure,Mr.Lovelace,ifthismatterbeevertobe,itmustbeagreeabletometohavethefullapprobationofoneside,sinceIcannothavethatoftheother.
Ifthismatterbeevertobe!GoodGod!whatwordsaretheseatthistimeofday!andfullapprobationofoneside!Whythatwordapprobation?whenthegreatestprideofallmyfamilyis,thatofhavingthehonourofsodearacreaturefortheirrelation?Wouldtoheaven,mydearestlife,addedhe,that,withoutcomplimentinganybody,to-morrowmightbethehappiestdayofmylife!--Whatsayyou,myangel?withatremblingimpatience,thatseemednotaffected--Whatsayyouforto-morrow?
Itwaslikely,mydear,Icouldsaymuchtoit,ornameanotherday,hadIbeendisposedtothelatter,withsuchanhinteddelayfromhim.
Iwassilent.
Nextday,Madam,ifnotto-morrow?--
Hadhegivenmetimetoanswer,itcouldnothavebeenintheaffirmative,youmustthink--but,inthesamebreath,hewenton--Orthedayafterthat?--andtakingbothmyhandsinhis,hestaredmeintoahalf-confusion--Wouldyouhavehadpatiencewithhim,mydear?
No,no,saidI,ascalmlyaspossible,youcannotthinkthatIshould
imaginetherecanbereasonforsuchahurry.Itwillbemostagreeable,tobesure,formyLordtobepresent.
Iamallobedienceandresignation,returnedthewretch,withaself-plumingair,asifhehadacquiescedtoaproposalmadebyme,andhadcomplimentedmewithagreatpieceofselfdenial.
Isitnotplain,mydear,thathedesignstovexandteaseme?Proud,yetmeanandfoolishman,ifso!--Butyousayallpunctilioisatanendwithme.Why,why,willhetakepainstomakeaheartwrapitselfupinreserve,thatwishesonly,andthatforhissakeaswellasmyown,toobserveduedecorum?
Modesty,Ithink,requiredofme,thatitshouldpassashehadputit:Diditnot?--Ithinkitdid.Wouldtoheaven--butwhatsignifieswishing?
Butwhenhewouldhaverewardedhimself,ashehadheretoforecalledit,forthisself-supposedconcession,withakiss,Irepulsedhimwithajustandverysinceredisdain.
Heseemedbothvexedandsurprised,asonewhohadmadethemostagreeableproposalsandconcessions,andthoughtthemungratefully
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returned.Heplainlysaid,thathethoughtoursituationwouldentitlehimtosuchaninnocentfreedom:andhewasbothamazedandgrievedtobethusscornfullyrepulsed.
Noreplycouldbemadebemeonsuchasubject.
Iabruptlybrokefromhim.Irecollect,asIpassedbyoneofthepier-glasses,thatIsawinithisclenchedhandofferedinwrathtohisforehead:thewords,Indifference,byhissoul,nexttohatred,Iheardhimspeak;andsomethingoficehementioned:Iheardnotwhat.
WhetherheintendstowritetomyLord,orMissMontague,Icannottell.But,asalldelicacyoughttobeoverwithmenow,perhapsIamtoblametoexpectitfromamanwhomaynotknowwhatitis.Ifhedoesnot,andyetthinkshimselfverypolite,andintendsnottobeotherwise,Iamrathertobepitied,thanhetobecensured.
Andafterall,sinceImusttakehimasIfindhim,Imust:thatistosay,asamansovainandsoaccustomedtobeadmired,that,notbeingconsciousofinternaldefect,hehastakennopainstopolishmorethanhisoutside:andashisproposalsarehigherthanmyexpectations;andas,inhisownopinion,hehasagreatdealtobearfromme,Iwill(nonewoffencepreventing)sitdowntoanswerthem;and,ifpossible,intermsasunobjectionabletohim,ashisaretome.
Butafterall,seeyounot,mydear,moreandmore,themismatchthatthereisinourminds?
However,Iamwillingtocompoundformyfault,bygivingup,(ifthatmaybeallmypunishment)theexpectationofwhatisdeemedhappinessinthislife,withsuchahusbandasIfearhewillmake.Inshort,Iwillcontentmyselftobeasufferingpersonthroughthestatetotheendofmylife.--Alongoneitcannotbe!
Thismayqualifyhim(asitmayprove)fromstingsofconsciencefrommisbehaviourtoafirstwife,tobeamoretolerableonetoasecond,thoughnotperhapsabetterdeservingone:whilemystory,toallwho
shallknowit,willaffordtheseinstructions:Thattheeyeisatraitor,andoughtevertobemistrusted:thatformisdeceitful:inotherwords;thatafinepersonisseldompairedbyafinemind:andthatsoundprincipleandagoodheart,aretheonlybasesonwhichthehopesofahappyfuture,eitherwithrespecttothisworld,ortheother,canbebuilt.
AndsomuchatpresentforMr.Lovelace'sproposals:OfwhichIdesireyouropinion.*
*Wecannotforbearobservinginthisplace,thattheLadyhasbeenparticularlycensured,evenbysomeofherownsex,asover-niceinher
partoftheaboveconversations:butsurelythismustbeowingtowantofattentiontothecircumstancesshewasin,andtohercharacter,aswellastothecharacterofthemanshehadtodealwith:for,althoughshecouldnotbesupposedtoknowsomuchofhisdesignsasthereaderdoesbymeansofhisletterstoBelford,yetshewasbuttoowellconvincedofhisfaultymorals,andofthenecessitytherewas,fromthewholeofhisbehaviourtoher,tokeepsuchanencroacher,asshefrequentlycallshim,atadistance.InLetterXXXIII.ofVol.III.thereaderwillsee,thatuponsomefavourableappearancessheblamesherselfforherreadinesstosuspecthim.Buthischaracter,hisprinciples,
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saidshe,aresofaulty!--Heissolight,sovain,sovarious.----Then,mydear,Ihavenoguardiantodependupon.InLetterIX.ofVol.III.MustInotwithsuchaman,saysshe,bewantingtomyself,wereInotjealousandvigilant?
Bythistimethereaderwillsee,thatshehadstillgreaterreasonforherjealousyandvigilance.AndLovelacewilltellthesex,ashedoesinLetterXI.ofVol.V.,thatthewomanwhoresentsnotinitiatoryfreedoms,mustbelost.Loveisanencroacher,sayshe:lovesnevergoesbackward.Nothingbutthehighestactoflovecansatisfyanindulgedlove.
ButthereaderperhapsistooapttoformajudgmentofClarissa'sconductincriticalcasesbyLovelace'scomplaintsofhercoldness;notconsideringhisviewsuponher;andthatsheisproposedasanexample;andthereforeinhertrialsanddistressesmustnotbeallowedtodispensewiththoseruleswhichperhapssomeothersofthesex,inherdelicatesituation,wouldnothavethoughtthemselvessostrictlyboundtoobserve;although,ifshehadnotobservedthem,aLovelacewouldhavecarriedallhispoints.
[FourlettersarewrittenbyMr.Lovelacefromthedateofhislast,
givingthestateofaffairsbetweenhimandtheLady,prettymuchthesameasinhersinthesameperiod,allowingforthehumourinhis,andforhisresentmentsexpressedwithvehemenceonherresolutiontoleavehim,ifherfriendscouldbebroughttobereconciledtoher.--Afewextractsfromthemwillbeonlygiven.]
What,sayshe,mighthavebecomeofme,andofmyprojects,hadnotherfather,andtherestoftheimplacables,stoodmyfriends?
[Afterviolentthreateningsofrevenge,hesays,]
'Tisplainshewouldhavegivenmeupforever:norshouldIhavebeen
abletopreventherabandoningofme,unlessIhadtornupthetreebytherootstocomeatthefruit;whichIhopestilltobringdownbyagentleshakeortwo,ifIcanbuthavepatiencetostaytheripeningseasoning.
[Thustriumphinginhisunpolitecruelty,hesays,]
Afterherhaughtytreatmentofme,Iamresolvedsheshallspeakout.Thereareathousandbeautiestobediscoveredintheface,intheaccent,inthebush-beatinghesitationsofawomanwhoisearnestaboutasubjectshewantstointroduce,yetknowsnothow.Sillyfellows,callingthemselvesgenerousones,wouldvaluethemselvesforsparinga
lady'sconfusion:buttheyaresillyfellowsindeed;androbthemselvesofprodigiouspleasurebytheirforwardness;andatthesametimedepriveherofdisplayingaworldofcharms,whichcanonlybemanifestedontheseoccasions.
I'lltelltheebeforehand,howitwillbewithmycharmerinthiscase--shewillbeaboutit,andaboutit,severaltimes:butIwillnotunderstandher:atleast,afterhalfadozenhem--ings,shewillbeobligedtospeakout--Ithink,Mr.Lovelace--Ithink,Sir--Ithinkyouweresayingsomedaysago--StillIwillbeallsilence--hereyesfixed
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uponmyshoe-buckles,asIsitover-againsther--ladieswhenputtoitthus,alwaysadmireaman'sshoe-buckles,orperhapssomeparticularbeautiesinthecarpet.IthinkyousaidthatMrs.Fretchville--Thenacrystalteartricklesdowneachcrimsoncheek,vexedtohavehervirginpridesolittleassisted.But,come,mymeaningdear,cryItomyself,rememberwhatIhavesufferedforthee,andwhatIhavesufferedbythee!Thytearfulpausingsshallnotbehelpedoutbyme.Speakout,love!--Othesweetconfusion!CanIrobmyselfofsomanyconflictingbeautiesbytheprecipitatecharmer-pityingfolly,bywhichapoliterman[thouknowest,lovely,thatIamnopoliteman!]betrayedbyhisowntenderness,andunusedtofemaletears,wouldhavebeenovercome?Iwillfeignanirresolutionofmindontheoccasion,thatshemaynotquiteabhorme--thatherreflectionsonthesceneinmyabsencemaybringtoherremembrancesomebeautiesinmypartofit:anirresolutionthatwillbeowingtoawe,toreverence,toprofoundveneration;andthatwillhavemoreeloquenceinitthanwordscanhave.Speakoutthen,love,andsparenot.
Hard-heartedness,asitiscalled,isanessentialofthelibertine'scharacter.Familiarizedtothedistressesheoccasions,heisseldombetrayedbytendernessintoacomplaisantweaknessunworthyofhimself.
[Mentioningthesettlements,hesays,]
Iaminearnestastotheterms.IfImarryher,[andIhavenodoubtthatIshall,aftermypride,myambition,myrevenge,ifthouwilt,isgratified,]Iwilldohernoblejustice.ThemoreIdoforsuchaprudent,suchanexcellenteconomist,themoreshallIdoformyself.--But,bymysoul,Belford,herhaughtinessshallbebroughtdowntoownbothloveandobligationtome.NorwillthissketchofsettlementsbringusforwarderthanIwouldhaveit.Modestyofsexwillstandmyfriendatanytime.Attheveryaltar,ourhandsjoined,Iwillengagetomakethisproudbeautyleavetheparsonandme,andallmyfriendswhoshouldbepresent,thoughtwentyinnumber,tolooklikefoolsupononeanother,whileshetookwing,andflewoutofthechurchdoor,orwindow,(ifthatwereopen,andthedoorshut);andthisonlybyasingleword.
[Hementionshisrashexpression,Thatsheshouldbehis,althoughhisdamnationwastobethepurchase.]
Atthatinstant,sayshe,Iwasuponthepointofmakingaviolentattempt,butwascheckedintheverymoment,andbutjustintimetosavemyself,bytheaweIwasstruckwithonagaincastingmyeyeuponherterrifiedbutlovelyface,andseeing,asIthought,herspotlessheartineverylineofit.
Ovirtue,virtue!proceedshe,whatisthereinthee,thatcanthusagainsthiswillaffecttheheartofaLovelace!--Whencethese
involuntarytremors,andfearofgivingmortaloffence?--Whatartthou,thatactinginthebreastofafeeblewoman,whichneverbefore,no,notinmyfirstattempt,youngasIthenwas,andfrightenedatmyownboldness(tillIfoundmyselfforgiven,)hadsuchaneffectuponme!
[Hepaintsinlivelycolours,thatpartofthescenebetweenhimandtheLady,whereshesays,Thewordfatherhasasweetandvenerablesoundwithit.]
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Iwasexceedinglyaffected,sayshe,upontheoccasion,butwasashamedtobesurprisedintosuchafitofunmanlyweakness--soashamed,thatIwasresolvedtosubdueitattheinstant,andtoguardagainstthelikeforthefuture.Yet,atthatmoment,ImorethanhalfregrettedthatIcouldnotpermithertoenjoyatriumphwhichshesowelldeservedtogloryin--heryouth,herbeauty,herartlessinnocence,andhermanner,equallybeyondcomparisonordescription.Butherindifference,Belford!--Thatshecouldresolvetosacrificemetothemaliceofmyenemies;andcarryonthedesigninsoclandestineamanner--andyetloveher,asIdo,tophrensy!--revereher,asIdo,toadoration!--TheseweretherecollectionswithwhichIfortifiedmyrecreantheartagainsther!--Yet,afterall,ifshepersevere,shemustconquer!--Coward,asshehasmademe,thatneverwasacowardbefore!
[Heconcludeshisfourthletterinavehementrage,uponherrepulsinghim,whenheofferedtosaluteher;havingsupposed,asheowns,thatshewouldhavebeenallcondescensiononhisproposalstoher.]
This,sayshe,Iwillforeverrememberagainsther,inordertosteelmyheart,thatImaycutthrougharockoficetohers;andrepayherforthedisdain,thescorn,whichglowedinhercountenance,andwasapparentinherair,atherabruptdepartureforme,aftersuchobligingbehaviouronmyside,andafterIhadsoearnestlypressedherforanearlyday.
Thewomenbelowsayshehatesme;shedespisesme!--And'tistrue:shedoes;shemust.--AndwhycannotItaketheiradvice?Iwillnotlong,myfair-one,bedespisedbythee,andlaughedatbythem!
Letmeacquaintthee,Jack,addshe,bywayofpostscript,thatthiseffortofherstoleaveme,ifshecouldhavebeenreceived;hersendingforacoachonSunday;nodoubt,resolvingnottoreturn,ifshehadgoneoutwithoutme,(fordidshenotdeclarethatshehadthoughtstoretiretosomeofthevillagesabouttown,whereshecouldbesafeandprivate?)have,alltogether,somuchalarmedme,thatIhavebeenaddingtothewritteninstructionsformyfellowandthepeoplebelowhowtoactincasesheshouldelopeinmyabsence:particularlylettingWill.knowwhatheshallreporttostrangersincasesheshallthrowherselfuponany
suchwitharesolutiontoabandonme.TotheseinstructionsIshallfurtheraddascircumstancesoffer.
LETTERXXXIV
MISSHOWE,TOMISSCLARISSAHARLOWETHURSDAY,MAY18.
Ihaveneithertimenorpatience,mydearfriend,toanswereverymaterialarticleinyourlastlettersjustnowreceived.Mr.Lovelace's
proposalsareallIlikeofhim.Andyet(asyoudo)Ithink,thatheconcludesthemnotwiththewarmthandearnestnesswhichwemightnaturallyhaveexpectedfromhim.NeverinmylifedidIhearorreadofsopatientaman,withsuchablessinginhisreach.Butwretchesofhiscast,betweenyouandme,mydear,havenot,Ifancy,theardorsthathonestmenhave.Whoknows,asyourBelloncespitefullysaid,buthemayhavehalfadozencreaturestoquithishandsofbeforeheengagesforlife?--YetIbelieveyoumustnotexpecthimtobehonestonthissideofhisgrandclimacteric.
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He,tosuggestdelayfromacomplimenttobemadetoLordM.andtogivetimeforsettlements!He,apartofwhosecharacteritis,nottoknowwhatcomplaisancetohisrelationsis--Ihavenopatiencewithhim!Youdidindeedwantaninterposingfriendontheaffectingoccasionwhichyoumentioninyoursofyesterdaymorning.But,uponmyword,wereItohavebeenthatmomentinyoursituation,andbeensotreated,Iwouldhavetornhiseyesout,andleftittohisownheart,whenIhaddone,tofurnishthereasonforit.
WouldtoHeavento-morrow,withoutcomplimentinganybody,mightbehishappyday!--Villain!Afterhehadhimselfsuggestedthecompliment!--AndIthinkheaccusesYOUofdelaying!--Fellow,thatheis!--Howmyheartiswrung--
Butasmattersnowstandbetwixtyou,Iamveryunseasonableinexpressingmyresentmentsagainsthim.--YetIdon'tknowwhetherIamornot,neither;sinceitisthemostcrueloffates,forawomantobeforcedtohaveamanwhomherheartdespises.Youmust,atleast,despisehim;attimes,however.Hisclenchedfistofferedtohisforeheadonyourleavinghiminjustdispleasure--Iwishithadbeenapole-axe,andinthehandofhisworstenemy.
Iwillendeavourtothinkofsomemethod,ofsomescheme,togetyoufromhim,andtofixyousafelysomewheretillyourcousinMordenarrives--A
schemetoliebyyou,andtobepursuedasoccasionmaybegiven.Youaresure,thatyoucangoabroadwhenyouplease?andthatourcorrespondenceissafe?Icannot,however(forthereasonsheretoforementionedrespectingyourownreputation,)wishyoutoleavehimwhilehegivesyounotcausetosuspecthishonour.ButyourheartIknowwouldbetheeasier,ifyouweresureofsomeasylumincaseofnecessity.
Yetoncemore,Isay,Icanhavenonotionthathecanordaremeanyourdishonour.Butthenthemanisafool,mydear--that'sall.
However,sinceyouarethrownuponafool,marrythefoolatthefirstopportunity;andthoughIdoubtthatthismanwillbethemostungovernableoffools,asallwittyandvainfoolsare,takehimasa
punishment,sinceyoucannotasareward:inshort,asonegiventoconvinceyouthatthereisnothingbutimperfectioninthislife.
AndwhatistheresultofallIhavewritten,butthis--Eithermarry,mydear,orgetfromthemall,andfromhimtoo.
Youintendthelatter,you'llsay,assoonasyouhaveopportunity.That,asabovehinted,Ihopequicklytofurnishyouwith:andthencomesonatrialbetweenyouandyourself.
Thesearetheveryfellowsthatwewomendonotnaturallyhate.Wedon'talwaysknowwhatis,andwhatisnot,inourpowertodo.Whensomeprincipalpointwehavelonghadinviewbecomessocritical,thatwe
mustofnecessitychooseorrefuse,thenperhapswelookaboutus;areaffrightedatthewildanduncertainprospectbeforeus;and,afterafewstrugglesandheart-aches,rejecttheuntriednew;drawinyourhorns,andresolvetosnail-on,aswedidbefore,inatrackweareacquaintedwith.
IshallbeimpatienttillIhaveyournext.Iam,mydearestfriend,
YoureveraffectionateandfaithfulANNAHOWE.
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LETTERXXXV
MR.BELFORD,TOROBERTLOVELACE,ESQ.WEDNESDAY,MAY17.
Icannotconcealfromyouanythingthatrelatestoyourselfsomuchastheencloseddoes.Youwillseewhatthenoblewriterapprehendsfromyou,andwishesofyou,withregardtoMissHarlowe,andhowmuchatheartallyourrelationshaveitthatyoudohonourablybyher.Theycomplimentmewithaninfluenceoveryou,whichIwishwithallmysoulyouwouldletmehaveinthisarticle.
Letmeoncemoreentreatthee,Lovelace,toreflect,beforeitbetoolate(beforethemortaloffencebegiven)uponthegracesandmeritsofthislady.Letthyfrequentremorsesatlastendinoneeffectualremorse.Letnotprideandwantonnessofheartruinthefairerprospects.Bymyfaith,Lovelace,thereisnothingbutvanity,conceit,andnonsense,inourwildschemes.Aswegrowolder,weshallbewiser,andlookingbackuponourfoolishnotionsofthepresenthour,(ouryouthdissipated,)shallcertainlydespiseourselveswhenwethinkofthe
honourableengagementswemighthavemade:thou,moreespecially,ifthoulettestsuchamatchlesscreatureslidethroughthyfingers.Acreaturepurefromhercradle.Inallheractionsandsentimentsuniformlynoble.Strictintheperformanceofallherevenunrewardeddutiestothemostunreasonableoffathers;whatawifewillshemakethemanwhoshallhavethehonourtocallherhis!
Whatapprehensionswouldstthouhavehadreasonfor,hadshebeenprevaileduponbygiddyorfrailmotives,forwhichoneman,byimportunity,mightprevail,aswellasanother?
Weallknowwhataninventivegeniusthouartmasterof:weareallsensible,thatthouhastaheadtocontrive,andahearttoexecute.
HaveInotcalledthinetheplotting'stheartintheuniverse?Icalleditsouponknowledge.Whatwoulds'tthoumore?Whyshoulditbethemostvillainous,aswellasthemostable?--Marrythelady;and,whenmarried,letherknowwhatanumberofcontrivancesthouhadstinreadinesstoplayoff.Begofhernottohatetheeforthecommunication;andassureher,thatthougavestthemupforremorse,andinjusticetoherextraordinarymerit:andletherhavetheopportunityofcongratulatingherselfforsubduingaheartsocapableofwhatthoucallestgloriousmischief.Thiswillgiveherroomfortriumph;andeventheenoless:she,forhersoverthee;thou,forthineoverthyself.
Reflectlikewiseuponhersufferingsforthee.Actuallyatthetimethouartformingschemestoruinher,(atleastinhersenseoftheword,)is
shenotlabouringunderafather'scurselaiduponherbythymeans,andforthysake?andwouldstthougiveoperationandcompletiontothatcurse,whichotherwisecannothaveeffect?
Andwhat,Lovelace,allthetimeisthypride?--ThouthatvainlyimaginestthatthewholefamilyoftheHarlowes,andthatoftheHowestoo,arebutthymachines,unknowntothemselves,tobringaboutthypurposes,andthyrevenge,whatartthoumore,orbetter,thantheinstrumentevenofherimplacablebrother,andenvioussister,toperpetuatethedisgraceofthemostexcellentofsisters,towhichthey
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aremovedbyvilelylowandsordidmotives?--Canstthoubear,Lovelace,tobethoughtthemachineofthyinveterateenemyJamesHarlowe?--Nay,artthounotthecullyofthatstillvilerJosephLeman,whoserveshimselfasmuchbythymoney,ashedoestheebythedoublepartheactsbythydirection?--Andfurtherstill,artthounotthedevil'sagent,whoonlycan,andwhocertainlywill,suitablyrewardthee,ifthouproceedest,andifthoueffectestthywickedpurpose?
Couldanymanbuttheeputtogetheruponpaperthefollowingquestionswithsomuchunconcernasthouseemesttohavewrittenthem?--givethemareperusal,Oheartofadamant!'Whithercansheflytoavoidme?Herparentswillnotreceiveher.Heruncleswillnotentertainher.HerbelovedNortonisintheirdirection,andcannot.MissHowedarenot.ShehasnotonefriendintownbutME--isentirelyastrangertothetown.'*--Whatmustthatheartbethatcantriumphinadistresssodeep,intowhichshehasbeenplungedbythyelaborateartsandcontrivances?Andwhatasweet,yetsadreflectionwasthat,whichhadliketohavehaditsdueeffectuponthee,arisingfromthynamingLordM.forhernuptialfather?hertenderyearsinclininghertowishforafather,andtohopeafriend.--OmydearLovelace,canstthouresolvetobe,insteadofthefatherthouhastrobbedherof,adevil?
*SeeLetterXXI.ofthisvolume.
Thouknowest,thatIhavenointerest,thatIcanhavenoview,inwishingtheetodojusticetothisadmirablecreature.Forthyownsake,oncemoreIconjurethee,forthyfamily'ssake,andforthesakeofourcommonhumanity,letmebeseechtheetobejusttoMissClarissaHarlowe.
Nomatterwhethertheseexpostulationsareincharacterfromme,ornot.Ihavebeenandambadenough.Ifthoutakestmyadvice,whichis(astheenclosedwillshewthee)theadviceofallthyfamily,thouwiltperhapshaveittoreproachme(andbutperhapsneither)thatthouartnotaworsemanthanmyself.Butifthoudostnot,andifthouruinestsuchavirtue,allthecomplicatedwickednessoftendevils,letloose
amongtheinnocentwithfullpoweroverthem,willnotdosomuchvileandbasemischiefasthouwiltbeguiltyof.
Itissaidthattheprinceonhisthroneisnotsafe,ifamindsodesperatecanbefound,asvaluesnotitsownlife.Somayitbesaid,thatthemostimmaculatevirtueisnotsafe,ifamancanbemetwithwhohasnoregardtohisownhonour,andmakesajestofthemostsolemnvowsandprotestations.
Thoumayestbytrick,chicane,andfalsecolours,thouwhoartworsethanapickerooninlove,overcomeapoorladysoentangledasthouhastentangledher;sounprotectedasthouhastmadeher:butconsider,howmuchmoregenerousandjusttoher,andnobletothyself,itis,to
overcomethyself.
Oncemore,itisnomatterwhethermypastorfutureactionscountenancemypreachment,asperhapsthou'ltcallwhatIhavewritten:butthisIpromisethee,thatwheneverImeetwithawomanofbutonehalfofMissHarlowe'sperfections,whowillfavourmewithheracceptance,IwilltaketheadviceIgive,andmarry.NorwillIoffertotryherhonouratthehazardofmyown.
Inotherwords,Iwillnotdegradeanexcellentcreatureinherowneyes,
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bytrials,whenIhavenocauseforsuspicion.Andletmeadd,withrespecttothyeagleship'smanifestation,ofwhichthouboastest,inthyattemptsupontheinnocentanduncorrupted,ratherthanuponthosewhomthouhumourouslycomparesttowrens,wagtails,andphyl-tits,asthoucallestthem,*thatIhopeIhaveitnotoncetoreproachmyself,thatIruinedthemoralsofanyonecreature,whootherwisewouldhavebeenuncorrupted.Guiltenoughincontributingtothecontinuedguiltofotherpoorwretches,ifIamoneofthosewhotakecaresheshallneverriseagain,whenshehasoncefallen.
*SeeLetterXVII.ofthisvolume.
Whateverthecapitaldevil,underwhosebannerthouhastlisted,willlettheedo,withregardtothisincomparablewoman,Ihopethouwiltactwithhonourinrelationtotheenclosed,betweenLordM.andme;sincehisLordship,asthouwiltsee,desires,thatthoumayestnotknowhewroteonthesubject;forreasons,Ithink,veryfarfrombeingcreditabletothyself:andthatthouwilttakeasmeant,thehonestzealforthyservice,of
Thyrealfriend,J.BELFORD.
LETTERXXXVI
LORDM.,TOJOHNBELFORD,ESQ.[ENCLOSEDINTHEPRECEDING.]M.HALL,MONDAY,MAY15.
SIR,
Ifanymanintheworldhaspowerovermynephew,itisyou.Itherefore
writethis,tobegyoutointerfereintheaffairdependingbetweenhimandthemostaccomplishedofwomen,aseveryonesays;andwhateveryonesaysmustbetrue.
Idon'tknowthathehasanybaddesignsuponher;butIknowhistempertoowell,nottobeapprehensiveuponsuchlongdelays:andtheladiesherehavebeenforsometimeinfearforher:LadySarahinparticular,who(asyoumustknow)isawisewoman,says,thatthesedelays,inthepresentcase,mustbefromhim,ratherthanfromthelady.
Hehadalwaysindeedastrongantipathytomarriage,andmaythinkofplayinghisdog'stricksbyher,ashehasbysomanyothers.Ifthere'sanydangerofthis,'tisbesttopreventitintime:forwhenathingis
done,advicecomestoolate.
Hehasalwayshadthefollyandimpertinencetomakeajestofmeforusingproverbs:butastheyarethewisdomofwholenationsandagescollectedintoasmallcompass,Iamnottobeshamedoutofsentencesthatoftencontainmorewisdominthemthanthetediousharanguesofmostofourparsonsandmoralists.Lethimlaughatthem,ifhepleases:youandIknowbetterthings,Mr.Belford--Thoughyouhavekeptcompanywithawolf,youhavenotlearnttohowlofhim.
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Butnevertheless,youmustlethimknowthatIhavewrittentoyouonthissubject.Iamashamedtosayit;buthehasevertreatedmeasifIwereamanofverycommonunderstanding;andwould,perhaps,thinkneverthebetterofthebestadviceintheworldforcomingfromme.Those,Mr.Belford,whomostlove,areleastsetby.--Butwhowouldexpectvelvettobemadeoutofasow'sear?
Iamsurehehasnoreasonhowevertoslightmeashedoes.Hemayandwillbethebetterforme,ifheoutlivesme;thoughheoncetoldmetomyface,thatImightdoasIwouldwithmyestate;forthathe,forhispart,lovedhislibertyasmuchashedespisedmoney.Andatanothertime,twittingmewithmyphrases,thatthemanwasabovecontroul,whowantednoteithertoborroworflatter.Hethought,Isuppose,thatIcouldnotcoverhimwithmywings,withoutpeckingathimwithmybill;thoughIneverusedtobepeckingathim,withoutverygreatoccasion:and,Godknows,hemighthavemyveryheart,ifhewouldbutendeavourtoobligeme,bystudyinghisowngood;forthatisallIdesireofhim.Indeed,itwashispoormotherthatfirstspoiledhim;andIhavebeenbuttooindulgenttohimsince.Afinegratefuldisposition,you'llsay,toreturnevilforgood!butthatwasalwayshisway.Itisagoodsaying,andwhichwasverifiedbyhimwithawitness--Childrenwhenlittle,maketheirparentsfools;whengreat,mad.HadhisparentslivedtoseewhatIhaveseenofhim,theywouldhavebeenmadindeed.
Thismatch,however,astheladyhassuchanextraordinaryshareofwisdomandgoodness,mightsetalltorights;andifyoucanforwardit,Iwouldenablehimtomakewhateversettlementshecouldwish;andshouldnotbeunwillingtoputhiminpossessionofanotherprettyestatebesides.Iamnocovetousman,heknows.And,indeed,whatisacovetousmantobelikenedtosofitly,astoadoginawheelwhichroastsmeatforothers?AndwhatdoIlivefor,(asIhaveoftensaid,)buttoseehimandmytwonieceswellmarriedandsettled.MayHeavensettlehimdowntoabettermind,andturnhishearttomoreofgoodnessandconsideration!
Ifthedelaysareonhisside,Itrembleforthelady;and,ifonhers,(ashetellsmynieceCharlotte,)Icouldwishshewereapprizedthat
delaysaredangerous.Excellentassheis,sheoughtnottodependonhermeritswithsuchachangeablefellow,andsuchaprofestmarriage-hater,ashehasbeen.Desertandreward,Icanassureher,seldomkeepcompanytogether.
Butlethimremember,thatvengeancethoughitcomeswithleadenfeet,strikeswithironhands.Ifhebehavesillinthiscase,hemayfinditso.Whatapityitis,thatamanofhistalentsandlearningshouldbesovilearake!Alas!alas!Unepoignéedebonnevievautmieuxquepleinmuydeclergée;ahandfulofgoodlifeisbetterthanawholebusheloflearning.
Youmaythrowin,too,asafriend,that,shouldheprovokeme,itmay
notbetoolateformetomarry.MyoldfriendWycherlydidso,whenhewasolderthanIam,onpurposetoplaguehisnephew:and,inspiteofthisgout,Imighthaveachildortwostill.Ihavenotbeenwithoutsomethoughtsthatway,whenhehasangeredmemorethanordinary:butthesethoughtshavegoneoffagainhitherto,uponmyconsidering,thatthechildrenofveryyoungandveryoldmen(thoughIamnotsoveryoldneither)lastnotlong;andthatoldmen,whentheymarryyoungwomen,aresaidtomakemuchofdeath:YetwhoknowsbutthatmatrimonymightbegoodagainstthegoutyhumoursIamtroubledwith?
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Nomaniseverything--you,Mr.Belford,arealearnedman.Iamapeer.Anddoyou(asyoubestknowhow)inculcateuponhimtheforceofthesewisesayingswhichfollow,aswellasthosewhichwentbefore;butyetsoindiscreetly,asthathemaynotknowthatyouborrowyourdartsfrommyquiver.Thesebethey--Happyisthemanwhoknowshisfolliesinhisyouth.Hethatliveswell,liveslong.Again,Hethatlivesilloneyear,willsorrowforitseven.Andagain,astheSpaniardshaveit--Wholiveswell,seesafaroff!Faroffindeed;forheseesintoeternity,asamanmaysay.Thenthatotherfinesaying,Hewhoperishesinneedlessdangers,istheDevil'smartyr.AnotherproverbIpickedupatMadrid,whenIaccompaniedLordLexingtoninhisembassytoSpain,whichmightteachmynephewmoremercyandcompassionthanisinhisnatureIdoubttoshew;whichisthis,Thathewhopitiesanother,remembershimself.Andthisthatisgoingtofollow,Iamsurehehasprovedthetruthofahundredtimes,Thathewhodoeswhathewillseldomdoeswhatheought.Noristhatunworthyofhisnotice,Youngmen'sfrolicsoldmenfeel.Mydevilishgout,Godhelpme--butIwillnotsaywhatIwasgoingtosay.
Iremember,thatyouyourself,complimentingmeformytasteinpithyandwisesentences,saidathingthatgavemeahighopinionofyou;anditwasthis:'Menoftalents,'saidyou,'aresoonertobeconvincedbyshortsentencesthanbylongpreachments,becausetheshortsentencesdrivethemselvesintotheheartandstaythere,whilelongdiscourses,thougheversogood,tiretheattention;andonegoodthingdrivesout
another,andsoontillallisforgotten.'Mayyourgoodcounsel,Mr.Belford,foundeduponthesehintswhichIhavegiven,piercehisheart,andincitehimtodowhatwillbesohappyforhimself,andsonecessaryforthehonourofthatadmirableladywhomIlongtoseehiswife;and,ifImay,Iwillnotthinkofoneformyself.
Shouldheabusetheconfidenceshehasplacedinhim,Imyselfshallpray,thatvengeancemayfalluponhishead--Raro--IquiteforgetallmyLatin;butIthinkitis,Raroantecedentemscelestumdeseruitpedepaeanclaudo:wherevicegoesbefore,vengeance(soonerorlater)willfollow.ButwhydoItranslatethesethingsforyou?
Ishallmakenoapologiesforthistrouble.Iknowhowwellyoulovehimandme;andthereisnothinginwhichyoucouldserveusbothmoreimportantly,thaninforwardingthismatchtotheutmostofyourpower.Whenitisdone,howshallIrejoicetoseeyouatM.Hall!Meantime,Ishalllongtohearthatyouarelikelytobesuccessfulwithhim;andam,
DearSir,Yourmostfaithfulfriendandservant,M.
[Mr.LovelacehavingnotreturnedananswertoMr.Belford'sexpostularylettersosoonasMr.Belfordexpected,hewrotetohim,expressing
hisapprehensionthathehaddisobligedhimbyhishonestfreedom.Amongotherthings,hesays--]
IpassmytimehereatWatford,attendingmydyinguncle,veryheavily.Icannottherefore,byanymeans,dispensewiththycorrespondence.Andwhyshouldstthoupunishme,forhavingmoreconscienceandmoreremorsethanthyself?Thouwhoneverthoughtesteitherconscienceorremorseanhonourtothee.AndIhave,besides,amelancholystorytotellthee,inrelationtoBeltonandhisThomasine;andwhichmayaffordalessontoallthekeeping-class.
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Ihavealetterfromeachofourthreecompanionsinthetime.Theyhaveallthewickednessthatthouhast,butnotthewit.Somenewrogueriesdotwoofthemboastof,which,Ithink,ifcompleted,deservethegallows.
Iamfarfromhatingintrigueuponprinciple.Buttohaveawkwardfellowsplot,andcommittheirplotstopaper,destituteoftheseasonings,oftheacumen,whichisthytalent,howextremelyshockingmusttheirlettersbe!--Butdothou,Lovelace,whetherthouart,orartnot,determineduponthymeasureswithregardtothefineladyinthypower,enlivenmyheavyheartbythycommunications;andthouwiltoblige
Thymelancholyfriend,J.BELFORD.
LETTERXXXVII
MR.LOVELACE,TOJOHNBELFORD,ESQ.FRIDAYNIGHT,MAY19.
WhenIhaveopenedmyviewtotheesoamplyasIhavedoneinmyformerletters;andhavetoldthee,thatmyprincipaldesignisbuttobringvirtuetoatrial,that,ifvirtue,itneednotbeafraidof;andthattherewardofitwillbemarriage(thatistosay,if,afterIhavecarriedmypoint,Icannotprevailuponhertolivewithmethelifeofhonour;*forthatthouknowestisthewishofmyheart);Iamamazedattherepetitionofthywamblingnonsense.
*SeeVol.III.LetterXVIII.
Iamofopinionwiththee,thatsometimehence,whenIamgrownwiser,I
shallconclude,thatthereisnothingbutvanity,conceit,andnonsense,inmypresentwildschemes.Butwhatisthissaying,butthatImustbefirstwiser?
Idonotintendtoletthismatchlesscreatureslidethroughmyfingers.
Artthouabletosayhalfthethingsinherpraise,thatIhavesaid,andamcontinuallysayingorwriting?
Hergloomyfathercursedthesweetcreature,becausesheputitoutofhiswickedpowertocompelhertohavethemanshehated.Thouknowesthowlittlemeritshehaswithmeonthisscore.--AndshallInottrythevirtueIintended,uponfullproof,toreward,becauseherfatherisa
tyrant?--Whyartthouthuseternallyreflectinguponsoexcellentawoman,asifthouwertassuredshewouldfailinthetrial?--Nay,thoudeclarest,everytimethouwritestonthesubject,thatshewill,thatshemustyield,entangledassheis:andyetmakesthervirtuethepretenceofthysolicitudeforher.
AninstrumentofthevileJamesHarlowe,dostthoucallme?--OJack!howcouldIcursethee!--Iaminstrumentofthatbrother!ofthatsister!Butmarktheend--andthoushaltseewhatwillbecomeofthatbrother,andofthatsister!
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Playnotagainstmemyownacknowledgedsensibilities,Idesirethee.Sensibilities,whichatthesametimethattheycontradictthychargeofanadamantineheartinthyfriend,thouhadstknownnothingof,hadInotcommunicatedthemtothee.
IfIruinsuchavirtue,sayestthou!--Eternalmonotonist!--Again;themostimmaculatevirtuemayberuinedbymenwhohavenoregardtotheirhonour,andwhomakeajestofthemostsolemnoaths,&c.Whatmustbethevirtuethatwillberuinedwithoutoaths?Isnottheworldfullofthesedeceptions?Andarenotlovers'oathsajestofhundredsofyears'standing?Andarenotcautionsagainsttheperfidyofoursexanecessarypartofthefemaleeducation?
Idointendtoendeavourtoovercomemyself;butImustfirsttry,ifIcannotovercomethislady.HaveInotsaid,thatthehonourofhersexisconcernedthatIshouldtry?
Wheneverthoumeetestwithawomanofbuthalfherperfections,thouwiltmarry--Do,Jack.
Canagirlbedegradedbytrials,whoisnotovercome?
Iamgladthatthoutakestcrimetothyself,fornotendeavouringto
convertthepoorwretcheswhomothershaveruined.Iwillnotrecriminateuponthee,Belford,asImight,whenthouflatterestthyselfthatthouneverruinedstthemoralsofanyyoungcreature,whootherwisewouldnothavebeencorrupted--thepalliatingconsolationofanHottentotheart,determinedrathertogluttonizeonthegarbageofotherfoulfeedersthantoreform.--Buttellme,Jack,wouldstthouhavesparedsuchagirlasmyRosebud,hadInot,bymyexample,engagedthygenerosity?NorwasmyRosebudtheonlygirlIspared:--Whenmypowerwasacknowledged,whomoremercifulthanthyfriend?
Itisresistancethatinflamesdesire,Sharpensthedartsoflove,andblowsitsfire.Loveisdisarm'dthatmeetswithtoomuchease;
Helanguishes,anddoesnotcaretoplease.
Thewomenknowthisaswellasthemen.Theylovetobeaddressedwithspirit:
Andtherefore'tistheirgoldenfruittheyguardWithsomuchcare,tomakeprofessionhard.
Whence,foraby-reflection,theardent,thecomplaisantgallantissooftenpreferredtothecold,theunadoringhusband.Andyetthesexdonotconsider,thatvarietyandnoveltygivetheardourandtheobsequiousness;andthat,weretherakeasmuchusedtothemasthehusbandis,hewouldbe[andistohisownwife,ifmarried]as
indifferenttotheirfavours,astheirhusbandsare;andthehusband,inhisturn,would,toanotherwoman,betherake.Letthewomen,uponthewhole,takethislessonfromaLovelace--'Alwaystoendeavourtomakethemselvesasnewtoahusband,andtoappearaselegantandasobligingtohim,astheyaredesiroustoappeartoalover,andactuallyweretohimassuch;andthentherake,whichallwomenlove,willlastlongerinthehusband,thanitgenerallydoes.'
Buttoreturn:--IfIhavenotsufficientlyclearedmyconducttotheeintheabove;Irefertheeoncemoretomineofthe13thoflastmonth.*
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Andpr'ythee,Jack,laymenotunderanecessitytorepeatthesamethingssooften.IhopethoureadestwhatIwritemorethanonce.
*SeeVol.II.LetterXIV.
Iamnotdispleasedthatthouartsoapprehensiveofmyresentment,thatIcannotmissadaywithoutmakingtheeuneasy.Thyconscience,'tisplain,tellsthee,thatthouhasdeservedmydispleasure:andifithasconvincedtheeofthat,itwillmaketheeafraidofrepeatingthyfault.Seethatthisbetheconsequence.Else,nowthatthouhasttoldmehowIcanpunishthee,itisverylikelythatIdopunishtheebymysilence,althoughIhaveasmuchpleasureinwritingonthischarmingsubject,asthoucansthaveinreadingwhatIwrite.
Whenaboy,ifadogranawayfrommethroughfear,Igenerallylookedaboutforastone,orastick;andifneitherofferedtomyhand,Iskinnedmyhatafterhimtomakehimafraidforsomething.Whatsignifiespower,ifwedonotexertit?
LetmyLordknow,thatthouhastscribbledtome.Butgivehimnotthecontentsofthyepistle.Thoughaparcelofcrudestuff,hewouldthinktherewassomethinginit.Poorargumentswilldo,whenbroughtin
favourofwhatwelike.ButthestupidpeerlittlethinksthatthisladyisarebeltoLove.Onthecontrary,notonlyhe,butalltheworldbelievehertobeavolunteerinhisservice.--SoIshallincurblame,andshewillbepitied,ifanythinghappenamiss.
SincemyLord'sheartissetuponthismatch,Ihavewrittenalreadytolethimknow,'Thatmyunhappycharacterhadgivenmybelovedanungenerousdiffidenceofme.Thatsheissomother-sickandfather-fond,thatshehadratherreturntoHarlowe-placethanmarry.Thatsheisevenapprehensivethatthestepshehastakenofgoingoffwithmewillmaketheladiesofafamilyofsuchrankandhonourasoursthinkslightlyofher.ThatthereforeIdesirehisLordship(thoughthishint,Itellhim,mustbeverydelicatelytouched)towritemesuchaletterasIcanshew
her;(lethimtreatmeiniteversofreely,Ishallnottakeitamiss,Itellhim,becauseIknowhisLordshiptakespleasureinwritingtomeinacorrectivestyle).Thathemaymakewhatoffershepleasesonthemarriage.ThatIdesirehispresenceattheceremony;thatImaytakefromhishandthegreatestblessingthatmortalmancangiveme.'
IhavenotabsolutelytoldtheladythatIwouldwritetohisLordshiptothiseffect;yethavegivenherreasontothinkIwill.SothatwithoutthelastnecessityIshallnotproducetheanswerIexpectfromhim:forIamveryloth,Iown,tomakeuseofanyofmyfamily'snamesforthefurtheringofmydesigns.AndyetImustmakeallsecure,beforeIpulloffthemask.Wasnotthismymotiveforbringingherhither?
Thusthouseestthattheoldpeer'slettercameveryseasonably.Ithanktheeforthat.Butastohissentences,theycannotpossiblydomegood.Iwasearlysuffocatedwithhiswisdomofnations.Whenaboy,Ineveraskedanythingofhim,butoutflewaproverb;andifthetendencyofthatwastodenyme,Inevercouldobtaintheleastfavour.Thisgavemesogreatanaversiontotheveryword,that,whenachild,Imadeitaconditionwithmytutor,whowasanhonestparson,thatIwouldnotreadmyBibleatall,ifhewouldnotexcusemeoneofthewisestbooksinit:towhich,however,Ihadnootherobjection,thanthatitwascalledTheProverbs.AndasforSolomon,hewasthenahatedcharacterwithme,not
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becauseofhispolygamy,butbecauseIhadconceivedhimtobesuchanothermustyoldfellowasmyuncle.
Well,butletusleaveoldsawstooldme.Whatsignifiesthytediouswhiningoverthydepartingrelation?Isitnotgenerallyagreedthathecannotrecover?Willitnotbekindintheetoputhimoutofhismisery?Ihearthatheispesteredstillwithvisitsfromdoctors,andapothecaries,andsurgeons;thattheycannotcutsodeepasthemortificationhasgone;andthatineveryvisit,ineveryscarification,inevitabledeathispronounceduponhim.Whythendotheykeeptormentinghim?Isitnottotakeawaymoreofhislivingfleecethanofhisdeadflesh?--Whenamanisgivenover,thefeeshouldsurelyberefused.Aretheynotnowrobbinghisheirs?--Whathasthoutodo,ifthewillbeasthou'dsthaveit?--Hesentforthee[didhenot?]toclosehiseyes.Heisbutanuncle,ishe?
Letmesee,ifImistakenot,itisintheBible,orsomeothergoodbook:canitbeinHerodotus?--OIbelieveitisinJosephus,ahalf-sacred,andhalf-profaneauthor.HetellsusofakingofSyriaputoutofhispainbyhisprimeminister,oronewhodeservedtobesoforhiscontrivance.Thestorysays,ifIamright,thathespreadawetclothoverhisface,whichkillinghim,hereignedinhisplace.Anotablefellow!Perhapsthiswetclothintheoriginal,iswhatwenowcalllaudanum;apotionthatoverspreadsthefaculties,asthewetclothdid
thefaceoftheroyalpatient;andthetranslatorknewnothowtorenderit.
Buthowlikeforlornvarletthousubscribest,'Thymelancholyfriend,J.BELFORD!'Melancholy!Forwhat?Tostandby,andseefairplaybetweenanoldmananddeath?Ithoughtthouhadstbeenmoreofaman;thatthouartnotafraidofanacutedeath,asword'spoint,tobesoplaugilyhip'dattheconsequencesofachronicalone!--Whatthoughthescarificatorsworkuponhimdaybyday?It'sonlyuponacaputmortuum:andpr'ytheegoto,tousethestylumveterum,andlearnoftheroyalbutchers;who,forsport,(anhundredtimesworsementhanthyLovelace,)widowtenthousandatabrush,andmaketwiceasmanyfatherless--learnofthem,Isay,howtosupportasingledeath.
Butartthousure,Jack,itisamortification?--Myuncleoncegavepromisesofsucharoot-and-branchdistemper:but,alas!itturnedtoasmartgout-fit;andIhadthemortificationinsteadofhim.--Ihaveheardthatbark,inproperdoses,willarrestamortificationinitsprogress,andatlastcureit.Letthyuncle'ssurgeonknow,thatitisworthmorethanhisears,ifheprescribeonegrainofthebark.
Iwishmyunclehadgivenmetheopportunityofsettingtheeabetterexample:thoushouldsthaveseenwhatabravefellowIhadbeen.AndhadIhadoccasiontowrite,myconclusionwouldhavebeenthis:'IhopetheoldTrojan'shappy.Inthathope,Iamso;and
'Thyrejoicingfriend,'R.LOVELACE.'
Dwellnotalways,Jack,upononesubject.LetmehavepoorBelton'sstory.Thesoonerthebetter.IfIcanbeofservicetohim,tellhimhemaycommandmeeitherinpurseorperson.Yettheformerwithafreerwillthanthelatter;forhowcanIleavemygoddess?ButI'llissuemycommandstomyothervassalstoattendthysummons.
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Ifyewanthead,letmeknow.Ifnot,myquota,onthisoccasion,ismoney.
LETTERXXXVIII
MR.BELFORD,TOROBERTLOVELACE,ESQ.SATURDAY,MAY20.
NotonewordwillIreplytosuchanabandonedwretch,asthouhastshewnthyselftobeinthineoflastnight.IwillleavetheladytotheprotectionofthatPowerwhoonlycanworkmiracles;andtoherownmerits.StillIhavehopesthatthesewillsaveher.
Iwillproceed,asthoudesirest,topoorBelton'scase;andtherather,asithasthrownmeintosuchatrainofthinkinguponourpastlives,ourpresentcourses,andourfutureviews,asmaybeofservicetousboth,ifIcangivedueweighttothereflectionsthatarisefromit.
ThepoormanmademeavisitonThursday,inthismymelancholyattendance.Hebeganwithcomplaintsofhisillhealthandspirits,hishecticcough,andhisincreasedmaladyofspittingblood;andthenledto
hisstory.Aconfoundedoneitis;andwhichhighlyaggravateshisothermaladies:forithascomeout,thathisThomasine,(who,truly,wouldbenewchristened,youknow,thathernamemightbenearerinsoundtothechristiannameofthemanwhomshepretendedtodoatupon)hasformanyyearscarriedonanintriguewithafellowwhohadbeenhostlertoherfather(aninnkeeperatDarking);ofwhom,attheexpenseofpoorBelton,shehasmadeagentleman;andmanageditso,thathavingthearttomakeherselfhiscashier,shehasbeenunabletoaccountforlargesums,whichhethoughtforthcomingatdemand,andhadtrustedtohercustody,inordertopayoffamortgageuponhisparentalestateinKent,whichhishearthasrunuponleavingclear,butwhichnowcannotbedone,andwill
soonbeforeclosed.Andyetshehassolongpassedforhiswife,thatheknowsnotwhattoresolveuponabouther;noraboutthetwoboyshewassofondof,supposingthemtobehis;whereasnowhebeginstodoubthisshareinthem.
SoKEEPINGdon'tdo,Lovelace.'Tisnottheeligiblewife.'Amanmustkeepawoman,saidthepoorfellowtome,butnothisestate!--Twointerests!--Then,mytotteringfabric!'pointingtohisemaciatedcarcass.
Wedowelltovalueourselvesuponourliberty,ortospeakmoreproperly,uponthelibertieswetake.Wehadneedtorundownmatrimonyaswedo,andtomakethatstatethesubjectofourfrothyjests;whenwe
frequentlyrenderourselves(forthisofTom'sisnotasingularcase)thedupesandtoolsofwomenwhogenerallygovernus(byartsourwiseheadspenetratenot)moreabsolutelythanawifewouldattempttodo.
Letusconsiderthispointalittle;andthatuponourownprinciples,aslibertines,settingasidewhatisexactedfromusbythelawsofourcountry,anditscustoms;which,nevertheless,wecannotgetover,tillwehavegotoveralmostallmoralobligations,asmembersofsociety.
Inthefirstplace,letusconsider(we,whoareinpossessionofestates
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bylegaldescent)howweshouldhavelikedtohavebeensuchnakeddestitutevarlets,aswemusthavebeen,hadourfathersbeenaswiseasourselves;anddespisedmatrimonyaswedo--andthenletusaskourselves,Ifweoughtnottohavethesameregardforourposterity,aswearegladourfathershadfortheirs?
Butthis,perhaps,istoomoralaconsideration.--Toproceedthereforetothoseconsiderationswhichwillbemorestrikingtous:Howcanwereasonablyexpecteconomyorfrugality(oranythingindeedbutriotandwaste)fromcreatureswhohaveaninterest,andmustthereforehaveviews,differentfromourown?
Theyknowtheuncertaintenure(ourficklehumours)bywhichtheyhold:Andisittobewonderedat,supposingthemtobeprovidentharlots,thattheyshouldendeavour,iftheyhavethepower,tolayupagainstarainyday?or,iftheyhavenotthepower,thattheyshouldsquanderalltheycancomeat,whentheyaresureofnothingbutthepresenthour;andwhenthelifetheylive,andthesacrificestheyhavemade,putconscienceandhonouroutofthequestion?
Whereasawife,havingthesamefamily-interestwithherhusband,liesnotundereitherthesameapprehensionsortemptations;andhasnotbrokenthrough(ofnecessity,atleast,hasnot)thoserestraintswhicheducationhasfasteneduponher:andifshemakesaprivatepurse,which
wearetoldbyanti-matrimonialists,allwiveslovetodo,andhaschildren,itgoesallintothesamefamilyatthelong-run.
Thenastothegreatarticleoffidelitytoyourbed--Arenotwomenoffamily,whoarewell-educated,undergreaterrestraints,thancreatures,who,iftheyeverhadreputation,sacrificeittosordidinterest,ortomoresordidappetite,themomenttheygiveituptoyou?Doesnottheexampleyoufurnish,ofhavingsucceededwithher,giveencouragementforotherstoattemptherlikewise?Forwithallherblandishments,cananymanbesocredulous,orsovain,astobelieve,thatthewomanhecouldpersuade,anothermaynotprevailupon?
Adulteryissocapitalaguilt,thatevenrakesandlibertines,ifnot
whollyabandoned,andasImaysay,invitedbyawoman'slevity,disavowandcondemnit:buthere,inastateofKEEPING,awomanisinnodangerofincurring(legally,atleast)thatguilt;andyouyourselfhavebrokenthroughandoverthrowninherallthefencesandboundariesofmoralhonesty,andthemodestyandreservesofhersex:Andwhattieshallholdheragainstinclination,orinterest?Andwhatshalldeteranattempter?
Whileahusbandhasthissecurityfromlegalsanctions,thatifhiswifebedetectedinacriminalconversationwithamanoffortune,(themostlikelybybribestoseduceher,)hemayrecoververygreatdamages,andprocureadivorcebesides:which,tosaynothingoftheignominy,isaconsiderationthatmusthavesomeforceuponbothparties.Andawifemustbeviciousindeed,andareflectionuponaman'sownchoice,who,
forthesakeofchange,andwheretherearenoqualitiestoseduce,noraffluencetocorrupt,willrunsomanyhazardstoinjureherhusbandinthetenderestofallpoints.
Buttherearedifficultiesinprocuringadivorce--[andsothereought]--andnone,saystherake,inpartingwithamistresswheneveryoususpecther;orwheneveryouarewearyofher,andhaveamindtochangeherforanother.
Butmustnotthemanbeabruteindeed,whocancastoffawomanwhomhe
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hasseduced,[ifhetakeherfromthetown,that'sanotherthing,]withoutsomeflagrantreason;somethingthatwillbetterjustifyhimtohimself,aswellastoher,andtotheworld,thanmerepowerandnovelty?
ButIdon'tsee,ifwejudgebyfact,andbythepracticeofallwehavebeenacquaintedwithofthekeeping-class,thatweknowhowtopartwiththemwhenwehavethem.
Thatweknowwecanifwewill,isallwehaveforit:andthisleadsustobearmanythingsfromamistress,whichwewouldnotfromawife.But,ifwearegood-naturedandhumane:ifthewomanhasart:[andwhatwomanwantsit,whohasfallenbyart?andtowhoseprecarioussituationartissonecessary?]ifyouhavegivenherthecreditofbeingcalledbyyourname:ifyouhaveasettledplaceofabode,andhavereceivedandpaidvisitsinhercompany,asyourwife:ifshehasbroughtyouchildren--youwillallowthatthesearestrongobligationsuponyouintheworld'seye,aswellastoyourownheart,againsttearingyourselffromsuchcloseconnections.Shewillsticktoyouasyourskin:anditwillbenexttoflayingyourselftocastheroff.
Eveniftherebecauseforit,byinfidelity,shewillhavemanagedill,ifshehavenotherdefenders.NordidIeverknowacauseorapersonsobad,astowantadvocates,eitherfromill-willtotheone,orpityto
theother:andyouwillthenbethoughtahard-heartedmiscreant:andevenwereshetogooffwithoutcredittoherself,shewillleaveyouaslittle;especiallywithallthosewhosegoodopinionamanwouldwishtocultivate.
Well,then,shallthispoorprivilege,thatwemaypartwithawomanifwewill,bedeemedabalancefortheotherinconveniencies?Shallitbethoughtbyus,whoaremenoffamilyandfortune,anequivalentforgivingupequalityofdegree;andtakingforthepartnerofourbed,andveryprobablymorethanthepartnerinourestates,(tothebreachofallfamily-ruleandorder,)alow-born,alow-educatedcreature,whohasnotbroughtanythingintothecommonstock;andcanpossiblymakenoreturnsforthesolidbenefitsshereceives,butthoselibidinousones,whicha
mancannotboastof,buttohisdisgrace,northinkof,buttotheshameofboth?
Moreover,asthemanadvancesinyears,thefuryofhislibertinismwillgooff.Hewillhavedifferentaimsandpursuits,whichwilldiminishhisappetitetoranging,andmakesucharegularlifeasthematrimonialandfamilylife,palatabletohim,andeverydaymorepalatable.
Ifhehaschildren,andhasreasontothinkthemhis,andifhislewdcourseshavelefthimanyestate,hewillhavecausetoregrettherestrainthisboastedlibertyhaslaidhimunder,andthevaluableprivilegeithasdeprivedhimof;whenhefindsthatitmustdescendtosomerelation,forwhom,whethernearordistant,hecaresnotone
farthing;andwhoperhaps(ifamanofvirtue)hasheldhimintheutmostcontemptforhisdissolutelife.
Andwerewetosupposehisestateinhispowertobequeathashepleases;whyshouldamanresolve,forthegratifyingofhisfoolishhumouronly,tobastardizehisrace?Whyshouldhewishtoexposehischildrentothescornandinsultsoftherestoftheworld?Whyshouldhe,whethertheyaresonsordaughters,laythemunderthenecessityofcomplyingwithproposalsofmarriage,eitherinferiorastofortune,orunequalastoage?Whyshouldhedeprivethechildrenheloves,whothemselvesmaybe
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guiltyofnofault,oftherespecttheywouldwishtohave,andtodeserve;andoftheopportunityofassociatingthemselveswithproper,thatistosay,withreputablecompany?andwhyshouldhemakethemthinkthemselvesunderobligationtoeverypersonofcharacter,whowillvouchsafetovisitthem?Whatlittlereason,inaword,wouldsuchchildrenhavetoblesstheirfather'sobstinatedefianceofthelawsandcustomsofhiscountry;andforgivingthemamother,ofwhomtheycouldnotthinkwithhonour;towhosecrimeitwasthattheyowedtheirverybeings,andwhoseexampleitwastheirdutytoshun?
Iftheeducationandmoralsofthesechildrenarelefttochance,astoogenerallytheyare,(forthemanwhohashumanityandafeelingheart,andwhoiscapableoffondnessforhisoffspring,Itakeitforgrantedwillmarry,)thecaseisstillworse;hiscrimeisperpetuated,asImaysay,byhischildren:andthesea,thearmy,perhapsthehighway,fortheboys;thecommonforthegirls;toooftenpointoutthewaytoaworsecatastrophe.
Whattherefore,uponthewhole,dowegetbytreadinginthesecrookedpaths,butdanger,disgrace,andatoo-laterepentance?
Andafterall,dowenotfrequentlybecometheculliesofourownlibertinism;slidingintotheverystatewiththosehalf-worn-outdoxies,whichperhapswemighthaveenteredintowiththeirladies;atleastwith
theirsuperiorsbothindegreeandfortune?andallthetimelivedhandsomelylikeourselves;notsneakingintoholesandcorners;and,whenwecreptabroadwithourwomen,lookingaboutus,andateveronethatpassedus,asifwewereconfessedlyaccountabletothecensuresofallhonestpeople.
MycousinTonyJenyns,thouknewest.Hehadnottheactivelymischievousspirit,thatthou,Belton,Mowbray,Tourville,andmyself,have:butheimbibedthesamenotionswedo,andcarriedthemintopractice.
Howdidheprateagainstwedlock!howdidhestrutaboutasawitandasmart!andwhatawitandasmartdidalltheboysandgirlsofourfamily(myselfamongtherest,thenanurchin)thinkhim,fortheairshe
gavehimself?--Marry!No,notfortheworld;whatmanofsensewouldbeartheinsolences,thepetulances,theexpensivenessofawife!Hecouldnotfortheheartofhimthinkittolerable,thatawomanofequalrankandfortune,and,asitmighthappen,superiortalentstohisown,shouldlookuponherselftohavearighttosharethebenefitofthatfortunewhichshebroughthim.
So,afterhehadflutteredaboutthetownfortwoorthreeyears,inallwhichtimehehadabetteropinionofhimselfthananybodyelsehad,whatdoeshedo,butenteruponanaffairwithhisfencing-master'sdaughter?
Hesucceeds;takesprivatelodgingsforheratHackney;visitsherby
stealth;bothofthemtenderofreputationsthatwereextremelytender,butwhichneitherhadquitegivenup;forrakesofeithersexarealwaysthelasttocondemnorcrydownthemselves:visitedbynobody,norvisiting:thelifeofathief,orofamanbestedbycreditors,afraidtolookoutofhisownhouse,ortobeseenabroadwithher.Andthuswentonfortwelveyears,and,thoughhehadagoodestate,hardlymakingbothendsmeet;forthoughnoglare,therewasnoeconomy;and,beside,hehadeveryearachild,andveryfondofhischildrenwashe.Butnoneofthemlivedabovethreeyears.Andbeingnow,onthedeathofthedozenth,grownasdullysober,asifhehadbeenarealhusband,hisgood
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Mrs.Thomas(forhehadnotpermittedhertotakehisownname)prevaileduponhimtothinkthelossoftheirchildrenajudgmentupontheparentsfortheirwickedwayoflife;[atimewillcome,Lovelace,ifwelivetoadvancedyears,inwhichreflectionwilltakeholdoftheenfeebledmind;]andthenitwasnotdifficultforhiswomantoinducehim,bywayofcompoundingwithHeaven,tomarryher.Whenthiswasdone,hehadleisuretositdown,andcontemplate;antorecollectthemanyoffersofpersonsoffamilyandfortunetowhichhehaddeclinedintheprimeoflife:hisexpensesequalatleast:hisreputationnotonlyless,butlost:hisenjoymentsstolen:hispartnershipunequal,andsuchashehadalwaysbeenashamedof.Butthewomansaid,thataftertwelveorthirteenyears'cohabitation,Tonydidanhonestthingbyher.Andthatwasallmypoorcousingotbymakinghisoldmistresshisnewwife--notadrum,notatrumpet,notafife,notatabret,northeexpectationofanewjoy,toanimatehimon!
WhatBeltonwilldowithhisThomasineIknownot!norcareItoadvisehim:forIseethepoorfellowdoesnotlikethatanybodyshouldcurseherbuthimself.Thishedoesveryheartily.Andsolowishereduced,thatheblubbersoverthereflectionuponhispastfondnessforhercubs,anduponhispresentdoubtsoftheirbeinghis:'Whatadamn'dthingisit,Belford,ifTomandHalshouldbethehostlerdog'spuppiesandnotmine!'
Verytrue!andIthinkthestronghealthofthechubby-facedmuscularwhelpsconfirmsthetoogreatprobability.
ButIsaynotsotohim.
You,hesays,aresuchagay,livelymortal,thatthissadtalewouldmakenoimpressionuponyou:especiallynow,thatyourwholeheartisengagedasitis.Mowbraywouldbetooviolentuponit:hehasnot,hesays,afeelingheart.Tourvillehasnodiscretion:and,aprettyjest!althoughheandhisThomasinelivedwithoutreputationintheworld,(peopleguessingthattheywerenotmarried,notwithstandingshewentbyhisname,)yet'hewouldnottoomuchdiscreditthecursedingrateneither!'
Couldamanactaweakerpart,hadhebeenreallymarried;andwerehesurehewasgoingtoseparatefromthemotherofhisownchildren?
Ileavethisasalessonuponthyheart,withoutmakinganyapplication:onlywiththisremark,'Thatafterwelibertineshaveindulgedourlicentiousappetites,reflecting,(intheconceitofourvainhearts,)bothwithourlipsandbyourlives,uponourancestorsandthegoodoldways,wefindout,whenwecometoyearsofdiscretion,ifwelivetillthen(whatallwhoknewusfoundoutbefore,thatistosay,wefoundout),ourowndespicablefolly;thatthosegoodoldwayswouldhavebeenbestforus,aswellasfortherestoftheworld;andthatineverystepwehavedeviatedfromthemwehaveonlyexposedourvanityandour
ignoranceatthesametime.'
J.BELFORD.
LETTERXXXIX
MR.LOVELACE,TOJOHNBELFORD,ESQ.SATURDAY,MAY20.
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Iampleasedwiththesoberreflectionwithwhichthouconcludestthylast;andIthanktheeforit.PoorBelton!--IdidnotthinkhisThomasinewouldhaveprovedsoveryadevil.Butthismusteverlastinglybetheriskofakeeper,whotakesupwithalow-bredgirl.ThisIneverdid.NorhadIoccasiontodoit.SuchaoneasI,Jack,neededonly,tillnow,toshakethestateliesttree,andthemellowedfruitdroptintomymouth:--alwaysofMontaigne'stastethouknowest:--thoughtitaglorytosubdueagirloffamily.--Moretrulydelightfultometheseduction-progressthanthecrownedact:forthat'savapour,abubble!andmostcordiallydoIthanktheeforthyindirecthint,thatIamrightinmypursuit.
FromsuchawomanasMissHarlowe,amanissecuredfromalltheinconvenienciesthouexpatiatestupon.
Oncemore,therefore,doIthankthee,Belford,forthyapprobation!--Amanneednot,asthousayest,sneakintoholesandcorners,andshuntheday,inthecompanyofsuchawomanasthis.Howfriendlyinthee,thustoabetthefavouritepurposeofmyheart!--norcanitbeadisgracetome,topermitsuchaladytobecalledbymyname!--norshallIbeatallconcernedabouttheworld'scensure,ifIlivetotheyearsofdiscretion,whichthoumentionest,shouldIbetakenin,andprevailed
upontotreadwithherthegoodoldpathofmyancestors.Ablessingonthyheart,thouhonestfellow!Ithoughtthouwertinjest,andbutacquittingthyselfofanengagementtoLordM.whenthouwertpleadingformatrimonyinbehalfofthislady!--Itcouldnotbeprinciple,Iknew,inthee:itcouldnotbecompassion--alittleenvyindeedIsuspected!--ButnowIseetheeoncemorethyself:andoncemore,sayI,ablessingonthyheart,thoutruefriend,andveryhonestfellow!
NowwillIproceedwithcourageinallmyschemes,andobligetheewiththecontinuednarrativeofmyprogressionstowardsbringingthemtoeffect!--butIcouldnotforbeartointerruptmystory,toshowmygratitude.
LETTERXL
MR.LOVELACE,TOJOHNBELFORD,ESQ.
AndnowwillIfavourtheewithabriefaccountofourpresentsituation.
Fromthehighesttothelowestweareallextremelyhappy.--Dorcasstandswellinherlady'sgraces.Pollyhasaskedheradviceinrelationtoacourtship-affairofherown.Nooracleevergavebetter.Sallyhashad
aquarrelwithherwoollen-draper;andmademycharmerlady-chancellorinit.SheblamedSallyforbehavingtyrannicallytoamanwholovesher.Dearcreature!tostandagainstaglass,andtoshuthereyesbecauseshewillnotseeherfaceinit!--Mrs.Sinclairhaspaidhercourttosounerringajudge,byrequestingheradvicewithregardtobothnieces.
Thisthewaywehavebeeninforseveraldayswiththepeoplebelow.Yetsolagenerallyathermeals,andseldomatothertimesintheircompany.Theynow,usedtoherways,[perseverancemustconquer,]neverpressher;sowhentheymeet,alliscivilityonbothsides.Evenmarriedpeople,I
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believe,Jack,preventabundanceofquarrels,byseeingoneanotherbutseldom.
Buthowstandsitbetweenthyselfandthelady,methinksthouaskest,sinceherabruptdeparturefromthee,andundutifulrepulseofWednesdaymorning?
Why,prettywellinthemain.Nay,verywell.Forwhy?thedearsaucy-faceknowsnothowtohelpherself.Canflytonootherprotection.Andhas,besides,overheardaconversation[whowouldhavethoughtshehadbeensonear?]whichpassedbetweenMrs.Sinclair,MissMartin,andmyself,thatveryWednesdayafternoon;whichhassetherheartateasewithrespecttoseveraldoubtfulpoints.
Suchas,particularly,'Mrs.Fretchville'sunhappystateofmind--mosthumanelypitiedbyMissMartin,whoknowsherverywell--thehusbandshehaslost,andherself,(asSallysays,)loversfromtheircradles.Pityfromonebegetspityfromanother,betheoccasionforiteitherstrongorweak;andsomanycircumstancesweregiventopoorMrs.Fretchville'sdistress,thatitwasimpossiblebutmybelovedmustextremelypityherwhomthelesstender-heartedMissMartingreatlypitied.
'MyLordM.'sgouthisonlyhindrancefromvisitingmyspouse.LadyBettyandMissMontaguesoonexpectedintown.
'Myearnestdesiresignifiedtohavemyspousereceivethoseladiesinherownhose,ifMrs.Fretchvillewouldbutknowherownmind;andIpatheticallylamentedthedelayoccasionedbyhernotknowingit.
'MyintentiontostayatMrs.Sinclair's,asIsaidIhadtoldthembefore,whilemyspouseresidesinherownhose,(whenMrs.Fretchvillecouldbebroughttoquitit,)inordertogratifyherutmostpunctilio.
'Mypassionformybeloved(which,asItoldtheminahighandferventaccent,wasthetruestthatmancouldhaveforwoman)Iboastedof.Itwas,inshort,Isaid,ofthetrueplatonickind;orIhadnonotionofwhatplatoniclovewas.'
Soitis,Jack;andmustendasplatoniclovegenerallydoesend.
'SallyandMrs.Sinclairnextpraised,butnotgrossly,mybeloved.Sallyparticularlyadmiredherpurity;calleditexemplary;yet(toavoidsuspicion)expressedherthoughtsthatshewasratherover-nice,ifshemightpresumetosaysobeforeme.ButneverthelesssheapplaudedmeforthestrictobservationImadeofmyvow.
'Imorefreelyblamedherreservestome;calledhercruel;inveighedagainstherrelations;doubtedherlove.EveryfavourIaskedofherdeniedme.Yetmybehaviourtoheraspureanddelicatewhenalone,aswhenbeforethem.Hintedatsomethingthathadpassedbetweenusthat
veryday,thatshewedherindifferencetomeinsostrongalight,thatIcouldnotbearit.ButthatIwouldaskherforhercompanytotheplayofVenicePreserved,givenoutforSundaynightasabenefit-play;theprimeactorstobeinit;andthis,toseeifIweretobedeniedeveryfavour.--Yet,formyownpart,Ilovednottragedies;thoughshedid,forthesakeoftheinstruction,thewarning,andtheexamplegenerallygiveninthem.
'Ihadtoomuchfeeling,Isaid.Therewasenoughintheworldtomakeourheartssad,withoutcarryinggriefinourdiversions,andmakingthe
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distressesofothersourown.'
Trueenough,Belford;andIbelieve,generallyspeaking,thatallthemenofourcastareofmymind--Theylovenotanytragediesbutthoseinwhichtheythemselvesactthepartsoftyrantsandexecutioners;and,afraidtotrustthemselveswithseriousandsolemnreflections,runtocomedies,inordertolaughawaycompunctiononthedistressestheyhaveoccasioned,andtofindexamplesofmenasimmoralasthemselves.Forveryfewofourcomicperformances,asthouknowest,giveusgoodones.--Ianswer,however,formyself--yetthou,Ithink,onrecollection,lovesttodealinthelamentable.
SallyansweredforPolly,whowasabsent;Mrs.Sinclairforherself,andforallheracquaintance,evenforMissPartington,inpreferringthecomictothetragicscenes.--AndIbelievetheyareright;forthedevil'sinit,ifaconfided-inrakedoesnotgiveagirlenoughoftragedyinhiscomedy.
'IaskedSallytoobligemyfair-onewithhercompany.Shewasengaged,[thatwasright,thou'ltsuppose].IaskedMrs.Sinclair'sleaveforPolly.Tobesure,sheanswered,PollywouldthinkitanhonourtoattendMrs.Lovelace:butthepoorthingwastender-hearted;andasthetragedywasdeep,wouldweepherselfblind.
'Sally,meantime,objectedSingleton,thatImightanswertheobjection,andsavemybelovedthetroubleofmakingit,ordebatingthepointwithme;andonthisoccasionIregrettedthatherbrother'sprojectswerenotlaidaside;since,iftheyhadbeengivenup,Iwouldhavegoneinpersontobringuptheladiesofmyfamilytoattendmyspouse.
'Ithen,fromaletterjustbeforereceivedfromoneinherfather'sfamily,warnedthemofapersonwhohadundertakentofindusout,andwhomIthusinwriting[havingcalledforpenandink]described,thattheymightarmallthefamilyagainsthim--"Asun-burnt,pock-frettensailor,ill-looking,big-boned;hisstatureaboutsixfoot;anheavyeye,anoverhangingbrow,adeck-treadingstrideinhiswalk;acouteaugenerallybyhisside;lipsparchedfromhisgums,asifbystaringat
thesuninhotclimates;abrowncoat;acolouredhandkerchiefabouthisneck;anoakenplantinhishandnearaslongashimself,andproportionatelythick."
'Noquestionsaskedbythisfellowmustbeanswered.Theyshouldcallmetohim.Butnotletmybelovedknowatittleofthis,solongasitcouldbehelped.AndIadded,thatifherbrotherorSingletoncame,andiftheybehavedcivilly,Iwould,forhersake,beciviltothem:andinthiscase,shehadnothingtodobuttoownhermarriage,andtherecouldbenopretenceforviolenceoneitherside.ButmostferventlyIswore,thatifshewasconveyedaway,eitherbypersuasionorforce,Iwoulddirectly,onmissingherbutoneday,gotodemandheratHarlowe-place,whethershewerethereornot;andifIrecoverednotasister,Iwould
haveabrother;andshouldfindoutacaptainofashipaswellashe.'
Andnow,Jack,dostthouthinkshe'llattempttogetfromme,dowhatIwill?
'Mrs.Sinclairbegantobeafraidofmischiefinherhouse--Iwasapprehensivethatshewouldover-dothematter,andbeoutofcharacter.Ithereforewinkedather.Sheprimed;nodded,toshowshetookme;twangedoutahigh-hothroughhernose,lappedonehorse-lipovertheother,andwassilent.'
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Here'spreparation,Belford!--DostthinkIwillthrowitallawayforanythingthoucanstsay,orLordM.write?--No,indeed--asmycharmersays,whenshebridles.
***
Andwhatmustnecessarilybetheconsequenceofallthiswithregardtomybeloved'sbehaviourtome?Canstthoudoubt,thatitwasallcomplaisancenexttimesheadmittedmeintoherpresence?
Thursdaywewereveryhappy.Allthemorningextremelyhappy.Ikissedhercharminghand.--Ineednotdescribetotheeherhandandarm.Whenthousawesther,Itooknoticethatthyeyesdweltuponthemwheneverthoucouldstsparethemfromthatbeautyspotofwonders,herface--fiftytimeskissedherhand,Ibelieve--oncehercheek,intendingherlip,butsorapturously,thatshecouldnothelpseemingangry.
Hadshenotthuskeptmeatarms-length;hadshenotdeniedmethoseinnocentlibertieswhichoursex,fromsteptostep,aspireto;couldIbuthavegainedaccesstoherinherhoursofheedlessnessanddishabille,[forfulldresscreatesdignity,augmentsconsciousness,and
compelsdistance;]wehadfamiliarizedtoeachotherlongago.Butkeepherupeversolate,meethereversoearly,bybreakfast-timesheisdressedfortheday,andatherearliesthour,asniceasothersdressed.Allherformsthuskeptup,wondernotthatIhavemadesolittleprogressintheproposedtrial.--Buthowmustallthisdistancestimulate!
Thursdaymorning,asIsaid,wewereextremelyhappy--aboutnoon,shenumberedthehoursshehadbeenwithme;allofthemtobebutasoneminute;anddesiredtobelefttoherself.Iwaslothtocomply:butobservingthesun-shinebegantoshutin,Iyielded.
Idinedout.Returning,Italkedofthehouse,andofMrs.Fretchville--
hadseenMennell--hadpressedhimtogetthewidowtoquit:shepitiedMrs.Fretchville[anothergoodeffectoftheoverheardconversation]--hadwrittentoLordM.,expectedananswersoonfromhim.Iwasadmittedtosupwithher.Iurgedforherapprobationorcorrectionofmywrittenterms.SheagainpromisedananswerassoonasshehadheardfromMissHowe.
ThenIpressedforhercompanytotheplayonSaturdaynight.Shemadeobjections,asIhadforeseen:herbrother'sprojects,warmthoftheweather,&c.Butinsuchamanner,asifhalfafraidtodisobligeme[anotherhappyeffectoftheoverheardconversation].Isoongotoverthese,therefore;andsheconsentedtofavourme.
Fridaypassedasthedaybefore.
Hereweretwohappydaystoboth.WhycannotImakeeverydayequallyhappy?Itlooksasifitwereinmypowertodoso.Strange,IshouldthusdelightinteasingawomanIsodearlylove!Imust,Idoubt,havesomethinginmytemperlikeMissHowe,wholovestoplaguethemanwhoputshimselfinherpower.--ButIcouldnotdothusbysuchanangelasthis,didInotbelievethat,afterherprobationtimeshallbeexpired,andifshebenottobebroughttocohabitation,(mydarlingview,)Ishallrewardherasshewishes.
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Saturdayishalfover.Weareequallyhappy--preparingfortheplay.Pollyhasofferedhercompany,andisaccepted.Ihavedirectedherwheretoweep:andthisnotonlytoshowherhumanity,[aweepingeyeindicatesagentleheart,]buttohaveapretencetohideherfacewithafanorhandkerchief.--YetPollyisfarfrombeingeveryman'sgirl;andweshallsitinthegallerygreen-box.
Thewoesofothers,sowellrepresentedasthoseofBelvideraparticularlywillbe,must,Ihope,unlockandopenmycharmer'sheart.WheneverIhavebeenabletoprevailuponagirltopermitmetoattendhertoaplay,Ihavethoughtmyselfsureofher.Thefemaleheart(allgentlenessandharmonybynature)expands,andforgetsitsforms,whenitsattentioniscarriedoutofitselfatanagreeableoraffectingentertainment--music,andperhapsacollationafterwards,co-operating.
Indeed,Ihavenohopeofsuchaneffecthere;butIhavemorethanoneendtoanswerbygettinghertoaplay.Tonamebutone.--Dorcashasamaster-key,asIhavetoldthee.--ButitwereworthwhiletocarryhertotheplayofVenicePreserved,wereitbuttoshowher,thattherehavebeen,andmaybe,muchdeeperdistressesthanshecanpossiblyknow.
Thusexceedinglyhappyareweatpresent.IhopeweshallnotfindanyofNat.Lee'sleft-handedgodsatwork,todashourbowlofjoywith
wormwood.R.LOVELACE.
LETTERXLI
MISSCLARISSAHARLOWE,TOMISSHOWEFRIDAY,MAY19.
Iwouldnot,ifIcouldhelpit,besocontinuallybroodingoverthedark
andgloomyfaceofmycondition[allnature,youknow,mydear,andeverythinginit,hasabrightandagloomyside]astobethoughtunabletoenjoyamorehopefulprospect.Andthis,notonlyformyownsake,butforyours,whotakesuchgenerousconcerninallthatbefallsme.
Letmetellyouthen,mydear,thatIhaveknownfour-and-twentyhourstogethernotunhappyones,mysituationconsidered.
[ShethengivestheparticularsoftheconversationwhichshehadoverheardbetweenMr.Lovelace,Mrs.Sinclair,andMissMartin;butaccountsmoreminutelythanhehaddonefortheopportunityshehadofoverhearingit,unknowntothem.
Shegivesthereasonsshehastobepleasedwithwhatsheheardfromeach:butisshockedatthemeasureheisresolvedtotake,ifhemissesherbutforoneday.Yetispleasedthatheproposestoavoidaggressiveviolence,ifherbrotherandhemeetintown.]
EvenDorcas,saysshe,appearslessexceptionabletomethanbefore;andIcannotbutpityherforherneglectededucation,asitismatterofsomuchregrettoherself:else,therewouldnotbemuchinit;asthelowandilliteratearethemostusefulpeopleinthecommon-wealth(since
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suchconstitutethelabouringpartofthepublic);andasaletterededucationbuttoogenerallysetspeopleabovethoseservileofficesbywhichthebusinessesoftheworldiscarriedon.NorhaveIanydoubtbutthereare,taketheworldthrough,twentyhappypeopleamongtheunlettered,tooneamongthosewhohavehadaschool-education.
This,however,concludesnotagainstlearningorletters;sinceonewouldwishtolifttosomelittledistinction,andmoregenteelusefulness,thosewhohavecapacity,andwhoseparentageonerespects,orwhoseservicesonewouldwishtoreward.
Weremymindquiteatease,Icouldenlarge,perhapsnotunusefully,uponthissubject;forIhaveconsidereditwithasmuchattentionasmyyears,andlittleexperienceandobservation,willpermit.
Buttheextremeilliteratenessandindocilityofthismaidaresurprising,consideringthatshewantsnotinquisitiveness,appearswillingtolearn,and,inotherrespects,hasquickparts.ThisconfirmstomewhatIhaveheardremarked,Thatthereisadocibleseason,alearning-time,asImaysay,foreveryperson,inwhichthemindmaybeled,stepbystep,fromthelowertothehigher,(yearbyyear,)toimprovement.Howindustriouslyoughttheseseasons,astheyoffer,tobetakenholdofbytutors,parents,andotherfriends,towhomthecultivationofthegeniusofchildrenandyouthiscommitted;since,one
elapsed,andnofoundationlaid,theyhardlyeverreturn!--Andyetitmustbeconfessed,thattherearesomegeniuses,which,likesomefruits,ripennottilllate.Andindustryandperseverancewilldoprodigiousthings--butforalearnertohavethosefirstrudimentstomasterattwentyyearsofage,suppose,whichothersaretaught,andtheythemselvesmighthaveattained,atten,whatanuphilllabour!
Thesekindofobservationsyouhavealwayswishedmetointersperse,astheyarisetomythoughts.Butitisasignthatmyprospectsarealittlemended,orIshouldnot,amongsomanymoreinterestingonesthatmymindhasbeenoflatefilledwith,havehadheart'seaseenoughtomakethem.
Letmegiveyoumyreflectionsonmymorehopefulprospects.
Iamnow,inthefirstplace,betterabletoaccountforthedelaysaboutthehousethanIwasbefore--PoorMrs.Fretchville!--ThoughIknowhernot,Ipityher!--Next,itlookswell,thathehadapprizedthewomen(beforethisconversationwiththem,ofhisintentiontostayinthishouse,afterIwasremovedtotheother.Bythetoneofhisvoiceheseemedconcernedfortheappearanceofthisnewdelaywouldhavewithme.
SohandsomelydidMissMartinexpressherselfofme,thatIamsorry,methinks,thatIjudgedsohardlyofher,whenIfirstcamehither--freepeoplemaygoagreatway,butnotalltheway:andassucharegenerallyunguarded,precipitate,andthoughtless,thesamequickness,
changeableness,andsuddennessofspirit,asImaycallit,mayintervene(iftheheartbenotcorrupted)torecoverthemtothoughtandduty.
Hisreasonfordecliningtogoinpersontobringuptheladiesofhisfamily,whilemybrotherandSingletoncontinuetheirmachinations,carriesnobadfacewithit;andonemaytheratherallowfortheirexpectations,thatsoproudaspiritashisshouldattendthemforthispurpose,ashespeaksofthemsometimesaspersonsofpunctilio.
OtherreasonsIwillmentionformybeingeasierinmymindthanIwas
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beforeIoverheardthisconversation.
Suchas,theadvicehehadreceivedinrelationtoSingleton'smate;whichagreesbuttoowellwithwhatyou,mydear,wrotetomeinyour'sofMaythe10th.*
*SeeLetterXXIII.ofthisvolume.
Hisnotintendingtoacquaintmewithit.
Hiscautionstotheservantsaboutthesailor,ifheshouldcomeandmakeinquiriesaboutus.
Hisresolutiontoavoidviolence,werehetofallineitherwithmybrother,orthisSingleton;andtheeasymethodhehaschalkedout,inthiscase,topreventmischief;sinceIneedonlynottodenymybeinghis.ButyetIshouldbedrivenintosuchatacitacknowledgementtoanynewpersons,tillIamso,althoughIhavebeenled(somuchagainstmyliking)togivecountenancetothebeliefofthepersonsbelowthatwearemarried.
Ithinkmyselfobliged,fromwhatpassedbetweenMr.Lovelaceandmeon
Wednesday,andfromwhatIoverheardhimsay,toconsenttogowithhimtotheplay;andtherather,ashehadthediscretiontoproposeoneoftheniecestoaccompanyme.
IcannotbutacknowledgethatIampleasedtofindthathehasactuallywrittentoLordM.
IhavepromisedtogiveMr.LovelaceananswertohisproposalsassoonasIhaveheardfromyou,mydear,onthesubject.
IhopethatinmynextletterIshallhavereasontoconfirmthesefavourableappearances.FavourableImustthinktheminthewreckIhavesuffered.
Ihope,thatinthetrialwhichyouhintmayhappenbetweenmeandmyself,(asyou*expressit,)ifheshouldsobehaveastoobligemetoleavehim,Ishallbeabletoactinsuchamannerastobringnodiscredituponmyselfinyoureye;andthatisallnowthatIhavetowishfor.But,ifIvaluehimsomuchasyouarepleasedtosupposeIdo,thetrial,whichyouimaginewillbesodifficulttome,willnot,Iconceive,beupongettingfromhim,whenthemeanstoaffectmyescapearelentme;buthowIshallbehavewhengotfromhim;andif,liketheIsraelitesofold,IshallbesoweakastowishtoreturntomyEgyptianbondage.
*SeeLetterXXXIV.ofthisvolume.
Ithinkitwillnotbeamiss,notwithstandingthepresentfavourableappearances,thatyoushouldperfectthescheme(whateveritbe)whichyoutellme*youhavethoughtof,inordertoprocureformeanasylum,incaseofnecessity.Mr.Lovelaceiscertainlyadeepanddangerousman;anditisthereforebutprudencetobewatchful,andtobeprovidedagainsttheworst.Lordblessme,mydear,howIamreduced!--CouldIeverhavethoughttobeinsuchasituation,astobeobligedtostay
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withaman,ofwhosehonourbymeIcouldhavebuttheshadowofadoubt!--ButIwilllookforward,andhopethebest.
*Ibid.
Iamcertainthatyourlettersaresafe.Beperfectlyeasy,therefore,onthathead.
Mr.Lovelacewillneverbeoutofmycompanybyhisgoodwill,otherwiseIhavenodoubtthatIammistressofmygoings-outandcomings-in;anddidIthinkitneedful,andwereInotafraidofmybrotherandCaptainSingleton,Iwouldoftenerputittotrial.
LETTERXLII
MISSHOWE,TOMISSCLARISSAHARLOWESATURDAY,MAY20.
Ididnotknow,mydear,thatyoudeferredgivingananswertoMr.
Lovelace'sproposalstillyouhadmyopinionofthem.Aparticularhand,occasionallygoingtotown,willleavethisatWilson's,thatnodelaymaybemadeonthataccount.
Ineverhadanydoubtoftheman'sjusticeandgenerosityinmattersofsettlement;andallhisrelationsareasnobleintheirspiritsasintheirdescent;butnow,itmaynotbeamissforyoutowait,toseewhatreturnsmyLordmakestohisletterofinvitation.
TheschemeIthinkofisthis:
Thereisaperson,whomIbelieveyouhaveseenwithme,hernameTownsend,whoisagreatdealerinIndiansilks,BrusselsandFrench
laces,cambricks,linen,andothervaluablegoods;whichshehasawayofcomingatduty-free;andhasagreatvendforthem(andforothercuriositieswhichsheimports)intheprivatefamiliesofthegentryroundus.
Shehasherdaysofbeingintown,andthenisatachambersherentsataninninSouthwark,whereshekeepspattersofallhersilks,andmuchofherportablegoods,fortheconveniencyofherLondoncustomers.Butherplaceofresidence,andwhereshehasherprincipalwarehouse,isatDepford,fortheopportunityofgettinghergoodsonshore.
Shewasfirstbroughttomebymymother,towhomshewasrecommendedonthesupposalofmyspeedymarriage,'thatImighthaveanopportunityto
beasfineasaprincess,'wasmymother'sexpression,'atamoderateexpense.'
Now,mydear,Imustown,thatIdonotlovetoencouragethesecontrabandtraders.Whatisit,butbiddingdefiancetothelawsofourcountry,whenwedo,andhurtingfairtraders;andatthesametimerobbingourprinceofhislegaldue,tothediminutionofthosedutieswhichpossiblymustbemadegoodbynewlevitiesuponthepublic?
But,however,Mrs.TownsendandI,thoughIhavenotyethaddealings
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withher,areuponaverygoodfootofunderstanding.Sheisasensiblewoman;shehasbeenabroad,andoftengoesabroadinthewayofherbusiness,andgivesveryentertainingaccountsofallshehasseen.
Andhavingappliedtometorecommendhertoyou,(asitisherviewtobeknowntoyoungladieswhoarelikelytochangetheircondition,)IamsureIcanengagehertogiveyouprotectionatherhouseatDeptford;whichshesaysisapopulousvillage,andoneofthelast,Ishouldthink,inwhichyouwouldbesoughtfor.Sheisnotmuchthere,youwillbelieve,bythecourseofherdealings,but,nodoubt,musthavesomebodyonthespot,inwhomshecanconfide:andthere,perhaps,youmightbesafetillyourcousincomes.AndIshouldnotthinkitamissthatyouwritetohimoutofhand.Icannotsuggesttoyouwhatyoushouldwrite.Thatmustbelefttoyourowndiscretion.Foryouwillbeafraid,nodoubt,oftheconsequenceofavariancebetweenthetwomen.
But,notwithstandingallthis,andwereIsureofgettingyousafelyoutofhishands,Iwillneverthelessforgiveyou,wereyoutomakeallupwithhim,andmarryto-morrow.YetIwillproceedwithmyprojectedschemeinrelationtoMrs.Townsend;thoughIhopetherewillbenooccasiontoprosecuteit,sinceyourprospectsseemtobechanged,andsinceyouhavehadtwenty-fournotunhappyhourstogether.Howmyindignationrisesforthispoorconsolationinthecourtship[courtshipmustIcallit?]ofsuchawoman!letmetellyou,mydear,thatwereyou
onceyourownabsoluteandindependentmistress,Ishouldbetempted,notwithstandingallIhavewritten,towishyoutobethewifeofanymanintheworld,ratherthanthewifeeitherofLovelaceorofSolmes.
Mrs.Townsend,asIhaverecollected,hastwobrothers,eachamasterofavessel;andwhoknows,assheandtheyhaveconcernstogether,butthat,incaseofneed,youmayhaveawholeship'screwatyourdevotion?IfLovelacegiveyoucausetoleavehim,takenothoughtforthepeopleatHarlowe-place.Letthemtakecareofoneanother.Itisacaretheyareusedto.Thelawwillhelptosecurethem.Thewretchisnoassassin,nonight-murderer.Heisanopen,becauseafearlessenemy;andshouldheattemptanythingthatwouldmakehimobnoxioustothelawsofsociety,youmighthaveafairriddanceofhim,eitherbyflightor
thegallows;nomatterwhich.
HadyounotbeensominuteinyouraccountofthecircumstancesthatattendedtheopportunityyouhadofoverhearingthedialoguebetweenMr.Lovelaceandtwoofthewomen,Ishouldhavethoughttheconferencecontrivedonpurposeforyourear.
IshowedMr.Lovelace'sproposalstoMr.Hickman,whohadchambersonceinLincoln's-inn,beingdesignedforthelaw,hadhiselderbrotherlived.Helookedsowise,soproud,andsoimportant,upontheoccasion;andwantedtotakesomuchconsiderationaboutthem--WouldtakethemhomeifIpleased--andweighthemwell--andsoforth--andthelike--andallthat--thatIhadnopatiencewithhim,andsnatchedthembackwithanger.
Odear!--tobesoangry,an'tpleaseme,forhiszeal!--
Yes,zealwithoutknowledge,Isaid--likemostotherzeals--iftherewerenoobjectionsthatstruckhimatonce,therewerenone.
Sohasty,dearestMadam--
Andsoslow,un-dearestSir,Icouldhavesaid--ButSURELY,saidI,withalookthatimplied,Wouldyourebel,Sir!
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Hebeggedmypardon--Sawnoobjection,indeed!--Butmighthebeallowedoncemore--
Nomatter--nomatter--Iwouldhaveshownthemtomymother,Isaid,who,thoughofnoinnofcourt,knewmoreofthesethingsthanhalfthelounginglubbersofthem;andthatatfirstsight--onlythatshewouldhavebeenangryattheconfessionofourcontinuedcorrespondence.
But,mydear,letthearticlesbedrawnup,andengrossed;andsolemnizeuponthem;andthere'snomoretobesaid.
Letmeadd,thatthesailor-fellowhasbeentamperingwithmyKitty,andofferedabribe,tofindwheretodirecttoyou.Nexttimehecomes,Iwillhavehimlaidholdof;andifIcangetnothingoutofhim,willhavehimdrawnthroughoneofourdeepestfishponds.Hisattempttocorruptaservantofminewilljustifymyorders.
Isendthisletterawaydirectly.Butwillfollowitbyanother;whichshallhaveforitssubjectonlymymother,myself,andyouruncleAntony.Andasyourprospectsaremorepromisingthantheyhavebeen,Iwillendeavourtomakeyousmileupontheoccasion.Foryouwillbepleasedtoknow,thatmymotherhashadaformaltenderfromthatgreygoose,whichmaymakeherskillinsettlementsusefultoherself,weresheto
encourageit.Mayyourprospectsbestillmoreandmorehappy,prays
Yourown,ANNAHOWE.
LETTERXLIII
MISSHOWE,TOMISSCLARISSAHARLOWESAT.SUNDAY,MAY20,21.
Now,mydear,forthepromisedsubject.YoumustnotaskmehowIcamebytheoriginals[suchtheyreallyare]thatIamgoingtopresentyouwith:formymotherwouldnotreadtomethosepartsofyouruncle'sletterwhichboreharduponmyself,andwhichleavehimwithoutanytitletomercyfromme:norwouldsheletmehearbutwhatshepleasedofher'sinanswer;forshehascondescendedtoanswerhim--withadenial,however;butsuchadenialasnoonebutanoldbachelorwouldtakefromawidow.
Anybody,exceptmyself,whocouldhavebeenacquaintedwithsuchafal-lalcourtshipasthismusthavebeenhaditproceeded,wouldhave
beengladithadgoneon:andIdaresay,butforthesaucydaughter,ithad.Mygoodmamma,inthatcase,wouldhavebeentenyearstheyoungerforit,perhaps:and,couldIbuthaveapprovedofit,IshouldhavebeenconsideredbyherasiftenyearsolderthanIam:since,verylikely,itwouldhavebeen:'Wewidows,mydear,knownothowtokeepmenatadistance--soastogivethempain,inordertotrytheirlove.--Youmustadviseme,child:youmustteachmetobecruel--yetnottoocruelneither--soastomakeamanheartless,whohasnotime,Godwot,tothrowaway.'--ThenwouldmybehaviourtoMr.Hickmanhavebeenbetterliked;andmymotherwouldhavebridledlikeherdaughter.
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Omydear,howmightwehavebeendivertedbythepractisingsfortherecoveryofthelongforgottens!couldIhavebeensurethatitwouldhavebeeninmypowertohaveputthemasunder,intheIrishstyle,beforetheyhadcometogether.Butthere'snotrustingtothewidowwhosegoodsandchattelsareinherownhands,addressedbyanoldbachelorwhohasfinethings,andofferstoleavehertenthousandpoundsbetterthanhefoundher,andsolemistress,besides,ofallhernotables!forthese,asyouwillseeby-and-by,arehisproposals.
TheoldTriton'saddresscarriesthewriter'smarksupontheverysubscription--Totheequallyamiableandworthyadmired[there'sforyou!]Mrs.ANABELLAHOWE,widow,thelastwordadded,IsupposeasEsquiretoaman,asawordofhonour;orforfearthebellatoAnna,shouldnotenoughdistinguishthepersonmeantfromthespinster:[vainhussyyou'llcallme,Iknow:]Andthenfollows;--Thesehumblypresent.--Putdownasamemorandum,Ipresume,tomakealeg,andbehavehandsomelyatpresentingit,heintending,veryprobably,todeliverithimself.
Andnowstandby--tosee
ENTEROLDNEPTUNE.
Hisheadadornedwithsea-weed,andacrownofcockle-shells;asweseehimdeckedoutinMrs.Robinson'sgrotto.
MONDAY,MAY15.
MADAM,
Ididmakeasortofresolutiontenyearsagonevertomarry.Isawinotherfamilies,wheretheylivedbest,youwillbepleasedtomarkthat,queernessesIcouldnotawaywith.Thenlikedwellenoughtolivesingleforthesakeofmybrother'sfamily;andforonechildinitmorethan
therest.Butthatgirlhasturnedusalloffthehinges:andwhyshouldIdenymyselfanycomfortsforthem,aswillnotthankmeforsodoing,Idon'tknow.
Somuchformymotivesasfromselfandfamily:butthedearMrs.Howemakesmegofarther.
Ihaveaverygreatfortune,IblessGodforit,allofmyowngetting,ormostofit;youwillbepleasedtomarkthat;forIwastheyoungestbrotherofthree.Youhavealso,Godbethanked,agreatestate,whichyouhaveimprovedbyyourownfrugalityandwisemanagement.Frugality,letmestoptosay,isoneofthegreatestvirtuesinthismortallife,becauseitenablesustodojusticetoall,andputsitinourpowerto
benefitsomebyit,asweseetheydeserve.
Youhavebutonechild;andIamabachelor,andhaveneveraone--allbachelorscannotsayso:whereforeyourdaughtermaybethebetterforme,ifshewillkeepupwithmyhumour;whichwasneverthoughtbad:especiallytomyequals.Servants,indeed,Idon'tmatterbeingangrywith,whenIplease;theyarepaidforbearingit,andtoo-toooftendeserveit;aswehavefrequentlytakennoticeoftooneanother.And,moreover,ifwekeepnotservantsatdistance,theywillbefamiliar.Ialwaysmadeitaruletofindfault,whetherreasonableornot,thatso
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Imighthavenoreasontofindfault.Youngwomenandservantsingeneral(asworthyMr.Solmesobserves)arebettergovernedbyfearthanlove.ButthismyhumourastoservantswillnoteffecteitheryouorMiss,youknow.
Iwillmakeveryadvantageoussettlements;suchasanycommonfriendshalljudgetobeso.Butmusthaveallinmyownpower,whileIlive:because,youknow,Madam,itisascreditabletothewife,astothehusband,thatitshouldbeso.
Iamnotatfinewords.Wearenotchildren;thoughitishopedwemayhavesome;forIamaveryhealthysoundman.IblessGodforit:andneverbroughthomefrommyvoyagesandtravelsaworserconstitutionthanItookoutwithme.Iwasnoneofthose,Iwillassureyou.ButthisIwillundertake,that,ifyouarethesurvivor,youshallbeattheleasttenthousandpoundsthebetterforme.What,inthecontrarycase,Ishallbethebetterforyou,Ileavetoyou,asyoushallthinkmykindnesstoyoushalldeserve.
Butonething,Madam,Ishallbegladof,thatMissHowemightnotlivewithusthen--[sheneednotknowIwritethus]--butgohometoMr.Hickman,assheisuponthepointofmarriage,Ihear:andifshebehavesdutifully,assheshoulddo,tousboth,sheshallbethebetter;forIsaidsobefore.
Youshallmanageallthings,bothmineandyourown;forIknowbutlittleofland-matters.Allmyoppositiontoyoushallbeoutoflove,whenIthinkyoutaketoomuchuponyouforyourhealth.
Itwillbeveryprettyforyou,Ishouldthink,tohaveamanofexperience,inalongwinter'sevening,tositdownbyyou,andtellyoustoriesofforeignparts,andthecustomsofthenationshehasconsortedwith.AndIhavefinecuriositiesoftheIndiangrowth,suchasladieslove,andsomethatevenmynieceClary,whenshewasgood,neversaw.These,onebyone,asyouarekindtome,(whichImakenoquestionof,becauseIshallbekindtoyou,)shallbeallyours.Prettierentertainmentbymuch,thansittingwithatoosmartishdaughter,
sometimesoutofhumour;andthwarting,andvexing,asdaughterswill,(whenwomen-grownespecially,asIhaveheardyouoftenobserve;)andthinkingtheirparentsold,withoutpayingthemthereverenceduetoyears;when,asinyourcase,Imakenosortofdoubt,theyareyoungenoughtowipetheirnoses.Youunderstandme,Madam.
Asformemyself,itwillbeveryhappy,andIamdelightedwiththethinkingofit,tohave,afterapleasantride,orso,aladyoflikeexperiencewithmyselftocomehometo,andbutoneinterestbetwixtus:toreckonupourcomings-intogether;andwhatthisdayandthisweekhasproduced--Ohowthiswillincreaselove!--mostmightilywillitincreaseit!--andIbelieveIshallneverloveyouenough,orbeabletoshowyouallmylove.
Ihope,Madam,thereneednotbesuchmaidennicetiesandhangings-off,asImaycallthem,betweenus,(forhanging-offsake,)asthatyouwilldenymealineortwotothisproposal,writtendown,althoughyouwouldnotanswermesoreadilywhenIspoketoyou;yourdaughterbeing,Isuppose,hardby;foryoulookedroundyou,asifnotwillingtobeoverheard.SoIresolvedtowrite:thatmywritingmaystandasuponrecordformyuprightmeaning;beingnoneofyourLovelaces;youwillmarkthat,Madam;butadownright,true,honest,faithfulEnglishman.Sohopeyouwillnotdisdaintowritealineortwotothismyproposal:and
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Ishalllookuponitasagreathonour,Iwillassureyou,andbeproudthereof.WhatcanIsaymore?--foryouareyourownmistress,asIammyownmaster:andyoushallalwaysbeyourownmistress,bepleasedtomarkthat;forsoaladyofyourprudenceandexperienceoughttobe.
Thisisalongletter.Butthesubjectrequiresit;becauseIwouldnotwritetwicewhereoncewoulddo.Sowouldexplainmysenseandmeaningatonetime.
Ihavehadwritinginmyheadtwowholemonthsverynear;buthardlyknewhow(beingunpracticedinthesematters)tobegintowrite.Andnow,goodlady,befavourableto
Yourmosthumblelover,andobedientservant,ANT.HARLOWE.
***
Here'saletterofcourtship,mydear!--andletmesubjointoit,thatifnow,orhereafter,Ishouldtreatthishideouslover,whoissofreewithmetomymother,withasperity,andyoushouldbedisgustedatit,I
shallthinkyoudon'tgivemethatpreferenceinyourlovewhichyouhaveinmine.
Andnow,whichshallIfirstgiveyou;theanswerofmygoodmamma;orthedialoguethatpassedbetweenthewidowmother,andthepertdaughter,uponherlettingthelatterknowthatshehadalove-letter?
Ithinkyoushallhavethedialogue.Butletmepromiseonething;thatifyouthinkmetoofree,youmustnotletitruninyourheadthatIamwritingofyouruncle,orofmymother;butofacoupleofoldlovers,nomatterwhom.Reverenceistooapttobeforgottenbychildren,wherethereverendsforgetfirstwhatbelongstotheirowncharacters.Agraveremark,andthereforeatyourservice,mydear.
Wellthen,supposemymamma,(aftertwicecomingintomyclosettome,andasoftengoingout,withverymeaningfeatures,andlipsreadytoburstopen,butstillclosed,asifbycompulsion,aspeechgoingoffinaslightcough,thatneverwentnearthelungs,)grownmoreresolutethethirdtimeofentrance,andsittingdownbyme,thusbegin:
Mother.Ihaveaveryseriousmattertotalkwithyouupon,Nancy,whenyouaredisposedtoattendtomatterswithinourselves,andnotletmatterswithoutourselveswhollyengrossyou.
Agoodselve-ishspeech!--ButIthoughtthatfriendship,gratitude,andhumanity,weremattersthatoughttobedeemedofthemostintimate
concerntous.Butnottodwelluponwords.
Daughter.Iamnowdisposedtoattendtoeverthingmymannaisdisposedtosaytome.
M.Whythen,child--whythen,mydear--[andthegoodlady'sfacelookedsoplump,sosmooth,andsoshining!]--Iseeyouareallattention,Nancy!--Butdon'tbesurprised!--don'tbeuneasy!--ButIhave--Ihave--Whereisit?--[andyetitlaynextherheart,neveranothernearit--sonodifficultytohavefoundit]--Ihavealetter,mydear!--[Andoutfrom
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NotalivingsoulbuttheHarlowes,Isaid,thoughtmeill-tempered:andIwascontentedthattheyshould,whocoulddoastheyhaddonebythemostuniversallyacknowledgedsweetnessintheworld.
Herewebrokeoutalittle;butatlastshereadmesomeofthepassagesintheletter.Butnotthemostmightilyridiculous:yetIcouldhardlykeepmycountenanceneither,especiallywhenshecametothatpassagewhichmentionshissoundhealth;andatwhichshestopped;shebestknewwhy--Butsoonresuming:
M.Wellnow,Nancy,tellmewhatyouthinkofit.
D.Nay,pray,Madam,tellmewhatyouthinkofit.
M.Iexpecttobeansweredbyananswer;notbyaquestion!Youdon'tusetobesoshytospeakyourmind.
D.Notwhenmymammacommandsmetodoso.
M.Thenspeakitnow.
D.Withouthearingthewholeoftheletter?
M.Speaktowhatyouhaveheard.D.Whythen,Madam----youwon'tbemymammaHOWE,ifyougivewaytoit.
M.Iamsurprisedatyourassurance,Nancy!
D.Imean,Madam,youwillthenbemymammaHarlowe.
M.Odearheart!--ButIamnotafool.
Andhercolourwentandcame.
D.DearMadam,[but,indeed,Idon'tloveaHarlowe--that'swhatImean,]Iamyourchild,andmustbeyourchild,dowhatyouwill.
M.Averypertone,Iamsure,asevermotherbore!Andyoumustbemychild,dowhatIwill!--asmuchastosay,youwouldnot,ifyoucouldhelpit,ifI--
D.HowcouldIhavesuchathought!--Itwouldbeforward,indeed,ifIhad--whenIdon'tknowwhatyourmindisastotheproposal:--whentheproposalissoveryadvantageousaonetoo.
M.[Lookingalittlelessdiscomposed]why,indeed,tenthousandpounds----
D.Andtobesureofoutlivinghim,Madam!
M.Sure!--nobodycanbesure--butitisverylikelythat----
D.Notatall,Madam.Youwasgoingtoreadsomething(butstopped)abouthisconstitution:hissobrietyiswellknown--Why,Madam,thesegentlemenwhohaveusedthesea,andbeenindifferentclimates,andcomehometorelaxfromcaresinatemperateone,andaresober--arethelikeliesttolivelongofanymenintheworld.Don'tyouseethathis
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veryskinisafortificationofbuff?
M.Strangecreature!
D.Godforbid,thatanybodyIloveandhonourshouldmarryamaninhopestoburyhim--butsuppose,Madam,atyourtimeoflife----
M.Mytimeoflife?--Dearheart!--Whatismytimeoflife,pray?
D.Notold,Madam;andthatyouarenot,maybeyourdanger!
AsIhopetolive(mydear)mymothersmiled,andlookednotdispleasedwithme.
M.Why,indeed,child--why,indeed,Imustneedssay--andthenIshouldchoosetodonothing(forwardasyouaresometimes)tohurtyou.
D.Why,astothat,Madam,Ican'texpectthatyoushoulddepriveyourselfofanysatisfaction--
M.Satisfaction,mydear!--Idon'tsayitwouldbeasatisfaction--butcouldIdoanythingthatwouldbenefityou,itwouldperhapsbeaninducementtoholdoneconferenceuponthesubject.
D.Myfortunealreadywillbemoreconsiderablethanmymatch,ifIamtohaveMr.Hickman.
M.Whyso?--Mr.Hickmanhasfortuneenoughtoentitlehimtoyour's.
D.Ifyouthinkso,that'senough.
M.NotbutIshouldthintheworseofmyself,ifIdesiredanybody'sdeath;butIthink,asyousay,Mr.AntonyHarloweisahealthyman,andbidsfairforalonglife.
Blessme,thoughtI,howshallIdotoknowwhetherthisbeanobjectionorarecommendation!
D.Willyouforgiveme,Madam?
M.Whatwouldthegirlsay?[lookingasifshewashalfafraidtohearwhat.]
D.Only,thatifyoumarryamanofhistimeoflife,youstandtwochancesinsteadofone,tobeanurseatyourtimeoflife.
M.Saucebox!
D.DearMadam!--WhatImeanisonlythatthesehealthyoldmensometimesfallintolingeringdisordersallatonce.AndIhumbly
conceive,thattheinfirmitiesofageareuneasilybornewith,wheretheremembranceofthepleasanterseasoncomesnotintorelievethehealthierofthetwo.
M.Astrangegirl!--Yethishealthyconstitutionanobjectionjustnow!---ButIhavealwaystoldyou,thatyouknoweithertoomuchtobearguedwith,ortoolittleformetohavepatiencewithyou.
D.Ican'tbutsay,Ishouldbegladofyourcommands,Madam,howtobehavemyselftoMr.AntonyHarlowenexttimehecomes.
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M.Howtobehaveyourself!--Why,ifyouretirewithcontemptofhim,whenhecomesnext,itwillbebutasyouhavebeenusedtodooflate.
D.Thenheistocomeagain,Madam?
M.Andsupposehebe?
D.Ican'thelpit,ifitbeyourpleasure,Madam.Hedesiresalineinanswertohisfineletter.Ifhecome,itwillbeinpursuanceofthatline,Ipresume?
M.Noneofyourarchandpertleers,girl!--YouknowIwon'tbearthem.Ihadamindtohearwhatyouwouldsaytothismatter.Ihavenotwritten;butIshallpresently.
D.Itismightygoodofyou,Madam,(Ihopethemanwillthinkso,)toanswerhisfirstapplicationbyletter.--Pityheshouldwritetwice,ifoncewilldo.
M.Thatfetchwon'tletyouintomyintentionastowhatIshallwrite.Itistoosaucilyput.
D.PerhapsIcanguessatyourintention,Madam,wereittobecomeme
sotodo.M.PerhapsIwouldnotmakeMr.Hickmanofanyman;usinghimtheworseforrespectingme.
D.Nor,perhaps,wouldI,Madam,ifIlikedhisrespects.
M.Iunderstandyou.But,perhaps,itisinyourpowertomakemehearken,ornot,toMr.Harlowe.
D.Youngmen,whohaveprobablyagooddealoftimebeforethemneednotbeinhasteforawife.Mr.Hickman,poorman!muststayhistime,ortakehisremedy.
M.Hebearsmorefromyouthanamanought.
D.Then,Idoubt,hegivesareasonforthetreatmenthemeetswith.
M.Provokingcreature!
D.Ihavebutonerequesttomaketoyou,Madam.
M.Adutifulone,Isuppose.Whatisit,pray?
D.Thatifyoumarry,Imaybepermittedtolivesingle.
M.Perversecreature,I'msure!
D.HowcanIexpect,Madam,thatyoushouldrefusesuchterms?Tenthousandpounds!--Attheleasttenthousandpounds!--Averyhandsomeproposal!--Somanyfinethingstoo,togiveyouonebyone!--DearestMadam,forgiveme!--Ihopeitisnotyetsofargone,thatrallyingthismanwillbethoughtwantofdutytoyou.
M.Yourrallyingofhim,andyourreverencetome,itisplain,haveonesource.
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D.Ihopenot,Madam.Buttenthousandpounds----
M.Isnounhandsomeproposal.
D.IndeedIthinkso.Ihope,Madam,youwillnotbebehind-handwithhimingenerosity.
M.Hewon'tbetenthousandpoundsthebetterforme,ifhesurviveme.
D.No,Madam;hecan'texpectthat,asyouhaveadaughter,andasheisabachelor,andhasnotachild!--Pooroldsoul!
M.Oldsoul,Nancy!--Andthustocallhimforbeingabachelor,nothavingachild!--Doesthisbecomeyou?
D.Notoldsoulforthat,Madam--buthalfthesum;fivethousandpounds;youcan'tengageforless,Madam.
M.Thatsumhasyourapprobationthen?[Lookingasifshe'dbeevenwithme].
D.Asheleavesittoyourgenerosity,Madam,torewardhiskindnesstoyou,itcan'tbeless.--Do,dearMadam,permitme,withoutincurringyour
displeasure,tocallhimpooroldsoulagain.M.Neverwassuchawhimsicalcreature!--[turningawaytohideherinvoluntarysmile,forIbelieveIlookedveryarchly;atleastIintendedtodoso]--Ihatethatwickedslylook.Yougiveyourselfveryfreeairs--don'tyou?
D.Isnatchedherhand,andkissedit--MydearMamma,benotangrywithyourgirl!--Youhavetoldme,thatyouwasverylivelyformerly.
M.Formerly!Goodlack!--ButwereItoencouragehisproposals,youmaybesure,thatforMr.Hickman'ssake,aswellasyour's,Ishouldmakeawiseagreement.
D.Youhavebothlivedtoyearsofprudence,Madam.
M.Yes,IsupposeIamanoldsoultoo.
D.Healsoisformakingawiseagreement,orhintingatone,atleast.
M.Well,theshortandthelongIsupposeisthis:Ihavenotyourconsenttomarry.
D.Indeed,Madam,youhavenotmywishestomarry.
M.Letmetellyou,thatifprudenceconsistsinwishingwelltoone's
self,Iseenotbuttheyoungflirtsareasprudentastheoldsouls.
D.DearMadam,wouldyoublameme,iftowishyounottomarryMr.AntonyHarlowe,istowishwelltomyself?
M.Youaremightywitty.Iwishyouwereasdutiful.
D.Iammoredutiful,Ihope,thanwitty;orIshouldbeafoolaswellasasaucebox.
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M.Letmebejudgeofboth--Parentsareonlytolivefortheirchildren,letthemdeserveitornot.That'stheirdutifulnotion!
D.HeavenforbidthatIshouldwish,iftherebetwointerestsbetweenmymotherandme,thatmymotherpostponeherownformine!--orgiveupanythingthatwouldaddtotherealcomfortsofherlifetoobligeme!--Tellme,mydearMamma,ifyouthinktheclosingwiththisproposalwill?
M.Isay,thattenthousandpoundsissuchanacquisitiontoone'sfamily,thattheofferofitdeservesacivilreturn.
D.Nottheoffer,Madam:thechanceonly!--ifindeedyouhaveaviewtoanincreaseoffamily,themoneymayprovide--
M.Youcan'tkeepwithintolerablebounds!--ThatsaucyfleerIcannotawaywith--
D.Dearest,dearestMadam,forgiveme;butoldsoulraninmyheadagain!--Nay,indeed,anduponmyword,Iwillnotberobbedofthatcharmingsmile!AndagainIkissedherhand.
M.Away,boldcreature!Nothingcanbesoprovokingastobemadetosmilewhenonewouldchoose,andought,tobeangry.
D.But,dearMadam,ifitbetobe,Ipresumeyouwon'tthinkofitbeforenextwinter.
M.Whatnowwouldthepertonebeat?
D.Becauseheonlyproposestoentertainyouwithprettystoriesofforeignnationsinawinter'sevening.--Dearest,dearestMadam,letmehaveallthereadingofhisletterthrough.Iwillforgivehimallhesaysaboutme.
M.Itmaybeaverydifficultthing,perhaps,foramanofthebestsensetowritealove-letterthatmaynotbecavilledat.
D.That'sbecauseloversintheirlettershitnotthemedium.Theyeitherwritetoomuchnonsense,ortoolittle.Butdoyoucallthisoddsoul'sletter[nomorewillIcallhimoldsoul,ifIcanhelpit]alove-letter?
M.Well,well,Iseeyouareaversetothismatter.Iamnottobeyourmother;youwilllivesingle,ifImarry.Ihadamindtoseeifgenerositygovernyouinyourviews.Ishallpursuemyowninclinations;andiftheyshouldhappentobesuitabletoyours,prayletmeforthefuturebebetterrewardedbyyouthanhithertoIhavebeen.
Andawaysheflung,withoutstayingforareply.--Vexed,Idaresay,thatIdidnotbetterapproveoftheproposal--wereitonlythatthemeritof
denyingmighthavebeenallherown,andtolaythestrongerobligationuponhersaucydaughter.
Shewrotesuchawidow-likerefusalwhenshewentfromme,asmightnotexcludehopeinanyotherwooer;whateveritmaydoinMr.TonyHarlowe.
Itwillbemypart,totakecaretobeatheroffthevisitshehalf-promisestomakehim(asyouwillseeinheranswer)uponconditionthathewillwithdrawhissuit.Forwhoknowswhateffecttheoldbachelor'sexotics[far-fetchedanddear-boughtyouknowisaproverb]might
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otherwisehaveuponawoman'smind,wantingnothingbutunnecessaries,gewgaws,andfineries,andofferedsuchasarenoteasilytobemetwith,orpurchased?
Well,butnowIgiveyouleavetoreadhere,inthisplace,thecopyofmymother'sanswertoyouruncle'sletter.NotonecommentwillImakeuponit.Iknowmydutybetter.Andhere,therefore,takingthelibertytohope,thatImay,inyourpresentlessdisagreeable,thoughnotwhollyagreeablesituation,provokeasmilefromyou,Iconcludemyself,
Youreveraffectionateandfaithful,ANNAHOWE.
MRS.ANNABELLAHOWE,TOANTONYHARLY,ESQ.
MR.ANTONYHARLOWE,FRIDAY,MAY19.
SIR,
ItisnotusualIbelieveforoursextoanswerbypenandinkthefirstletterontheseoccasions.Thefirstletter!Howoddisthat!AsifIexpectedanother;whichIdonot.ButthenIthink,asIdonotjudge
propertoencourageyourproposal,thereisnoreasonwhyIshouldnotanswerincivility,wheresogreatacivilityisintended.Indeed,Iwasalwaysofopinionthatapersonwasentitledtothat,andnottoillusage,becausehehadarespectforme.AndsoIhaveoftenandoftentoldmydaughter.
AwomanIthinkmakesbutapoorfigureinaman'seyeafterwards,anddoesnoreputationtohersexneither,whenshebehaveslikeatyranttohimbeforehand.
Tobesure,Sir,ifIweretochangemycondition,Iknownotagentlemanwhoseproposalcouldbemoreagreeable.Yournephewandyournieceshaveenoughwithoutyou:mydaughterhasafinefortunewithoutme,andI
shouldtakecaretodoubleit,livingordying,wereItodosuchathing:sonobodyneedtobetheworseforit.ButNancywouldnotthinkso.
AllthecomfortIknowofinchildren,is,thatwhenyoungtheydowithuswhattheywill,andallisprettyinthemtotheirveryfaults;andwhentheyaregrownup,theythinktheirparentsmustliveforthemonly;anddenythemselveseverythingfortheirsakes.IknowNancycouldnotbearafather-in-law.Shewouldflyattheverythoughtofmybeinginearnesttogiveherone.NotthatIstandinfearofmydaughterneither.ItisnotfitIshould.Butshehasherpoorpapa'sspirit.Averyviolentonethatwas.Andonewouldnotchoose,youknow,Sir,toenterintoanyaffair,that,oneknows,onemustrenounceadaughterfor,
orsheamother--exceptindeedone'sheartweremuchinit;which,IblessGod,mineisnot.
Ihavenowbeenawidowthesetenyears;nobodytocontroulme:andIamsaidnottobearcontroul:so,Sir,youandIarebestasweare,Ibelieve:nay,Iamsureofit:forwewantnotwhateitherhas;havingbothmorethanweknowwhattodowith.AndIknowIcouldnotbeintheleastaccountableforanyofmyways.
Mydaughterindeed,thoughsheisafinegirl,asgirlsgo,(shehastoo
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muchsenseindeedforoneofhersex,andknowsshehasit,)ismoreachecktomethanonewouldwishadaughtertobe:forwhowouldchoosetobealwayssnappingateachother?Butshewillsoonbemarried;andthen,notlivingtogether,weshallonlycometogetherwhenwearepleased,andstayawaywhenwearenot;andso,likeotherlovers,neverseeanythingbutthebestsidesofeachother.
Iown,forallthis,thatIloveherdearly;andsheme,Idaresay:sowouldnotwishtoprovokehertodootherwise.Besides,thegirlissomuchregardedeverywhere,thathavinglivedsomuchofmyprimeawidow,Iwouldnotlaymyselfopentohercensures,oreventoherindifference,youknow.
Yourgenerousproposalrequiresallthisexplicitness.Ithankyouforyourgoodopinionofme.WhenIknowyouacquiescewiththismycivilrefusal[andindeed,Sir,Iamasmuchinearnestinit,asifIhadspokenbroader]Idon'tknowbutNancyandImay,withyourpermission,cometoseeyourfinethings;forIamagreatadmirerofraritiesthatcomefromabroad.
So,Sir,letusonlyconverseoccasionallyaswemeet,asweusedtodo,withoutanyotherviewtoeachotherthangoodwishes:whichIhopemaynotbelessenedforthisdeclining.AndthenIshallalwaysthinkmyself
Yourobligedservant,ANNABELLAHOWE.
P.S.IsentwordbyMrs.Lorimer,thatIwouldwriteananswer:butwouldtaketimeforconsideration.Sohope,Sir,youwon'tthinkitaslight,Ididnotwritesooner.
LETTERXLIV
MR.LOVELACE,TOJOHNBELFORD,ESQ.SUNDAY,MAY21.
Iamtoomuchdisturbedinmymindtothinkofanythingbutrevenge;orIdidintendtogivetheeanaccountofMissHarlowe'sobservationsontheplay.MissHarlowe'sIsay.ThouknowestthatIhatethenameofHarlowe;andIamexceedinglyoutofhumourwithher,andwithhersaucyfriend.
What'sthematternow?thou'ltask.
Matterenough;forwhilewewereattheplay,Dorcas,whohadherorders,andakeytoherlady'schamber,aswellasamaster-keytoherdrawersandmahoganychest,closet-keyandall,foundmeanstocomeatsomeof
MissHowe'slast-writtenletters.Thevigilantwenchwasdirectedtothembyseeingherladytakealetteroutofherstays,andputittotheothers,beforeshewentoutwithme--afraid,asthewomenupbraidinglytellme,thatIshouldfinditthere.
Dorcasnosoonerfoundthem,thansheassembledthreereadywritersofthenon-apparents;andSally,andshe,andtheyemployedthemselveswiththeutmostdiligence,inmakingextracts,accordingtoformerdirections,fromthesecursedletters,formyuse.Cursed,mayIwellcallthem--Suchabuses!--Suchvirulence!--OthislittlefuryMissHowe!--Wellmight
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hersaucyfriend(whohasbeenequallyfreewithme,ortheoccasioncouldnothavebeengiven)besoviolentasshelatelywas,atmyendeavouringtocomeatoneoftheseletters.
Iwassure,thatthisfair-one,atsoearlyanage,withaconstitutionsofirm,healthsoblooming,eyessosparkling,expectationsthereforesolively,andhopesopredominating,couldnotbeabsolutely,andfromherownvigilance,soguarded,andsoapprehensive,asIhavefoundhertobe.
Sparklingeyes,Jack,whenthepoeticaltribehavesaidalltheycanforthem,areaninfalliblesignofarogue,orroomforarogue,intheheart.
Thoumayestgoonwiththypreachments,andLordM.withhiswisdomofnations,Iamnowmoreassuredofherthanever.Andnowmyrevengeisup,andjoinedwithmylove,allresistancemustfallbeforeit.AndmostsolemnlydoIswear,thatMissHoweshallcomeinforhersnack.
Andhere,justnow,isanotherletterbroughtfromthesamelittlevirulentdevil.Ihopetoprocurescriptsfromthattoo,veryspeedily,ifitbeputtothetest;forthesaucyfair-oneisresolvedtogotochurchthismorning;nosomuchfromaspiritofdevotion,Ihavereasontothink,astotrywhethershecangooutwithoutcheck,controul,or
myattention.
***
Ihavebeendeniedbreakfastingwithher.Indeedshewasalittledispleasedwithmelastnight:because,onourreturnfromtheplay,Iobligedhertopasstherestofthenightwiththewomenandme,intheirparlour,andtostaytillnearone.Shetoldmeatparting,thatsheexpectedtohavethewholenextdaytoherself.Ihadnotreadtheextractsthen;soIhadresolvedtobeginanewcourse,and,ifpossible,tobanishalljealousyandsuspicionfromherheart:andyetIhadno
reasontobemuchtroubledatherpastsuspicions;since,ifawomanwillcontinuewithamanwhomshesuspects,whenshecangetfromhim,orthinksshecan,Iamsureitisaveryhopefulsign.
***
Sheisgone.SliptdownbeforeIwasaware.Shehadorderedachair,onpurposetoexcludemypersonalattendance.ButIhadtakenproperprecautions.Will.attendedherbyconsent;Peter,thehouse-servant,waswithinWill.'scall.
Ihad,byDorcas,representedherdangerfromSingleton,inordertodissuadeherfromgoingatall,unlesssheallowedmetoattendher;butIwasanswered,withherusualsaucysmartness,thatiftherewerenocauseoffearofbeingmetwithattheplayhouse,whentherewerebuttwoplayhouses,surelytherewaslessatchurch,whenthereweresomanychurches.ThechairmenwereorderedtocarryhertoSt.James'sChurch.
Butshewouldnotbesocarelessofobligingme,ifsheknewwhatIhavealreadycomeat,andhowthewomenurgemeon;fortheyarecontinuallycomplainingoftherestrainttheylieunderintheirbehaviour;intheir
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attendance;neglectingalltheirconcernsinthefronthouse;andkeepingthiselegantbackoneentirelyfreefromcompany,thatshemayhavenosuspicionofthem.Theydoubtnotmygenerosity,theysay:Butwhyformyownsake,inLordM.'sstyle,shouldImakesolongaharvestofsolittlecorn?
Women,yereasonwell.IthinkIwillbeginmyoperationsthemomentshecomesin.
***
IhavecomeattheletterbroughtherfromMissHoweto-day.Plot,conjuration,sorcery,witchcraft,allgoingforward!IshallnotbeabletoseethisMissHarlowewithpatience.Asthenymphsbelowask,sodoI,Whyisnightnecessary?AndSallyandPollyupbraidinglyremindmeofmyfirstattemptsuponthemselves.Yetforceanswersnotmyend--andyetitmay,iftherebetruthinthatpartofthelibertine'screed,Thatoncesubdued,isalwayssubdued!Andwhatwomananswersaffirmativelytothequestion?
***
Sheisreturned:Butrefusestoadmitme:andinsistsuponhavingthedaytoherself.Dorcastellsme,thatshebelievesherdenialisfrommotivesofpiety.--Oons,Jack,isthereimpietyinseeingme?--Woulditnotbethehighestactofpietytoreclaimme?Andisthistobedonebyherrefusingtoseemewhensheisinadevouterframethanusual?--ButIhateher,hateherheartily!Sheisold,ugly,anddeformed.--ButOtheblasphemy!yetsheisaHarlowe:andIdoandcanhateherforthat.
ButsinceImustnotseeher,[shewillbemistressofherownwill,andofhertime,truly!]letmefillupmytime,bytellingtheewhatIhavecomeat.
Thefirstletterthewomenmetwith,isdatedApril27.*Wherecanshehaveputtheprecedingones!--ItmentionsMr.Hickmanasabusyfellowbetweenthem.Hickmanhadbesttakecareofhimself.Shesaysinit,'IhopeyouhavenocausetorepentreturningmyNorris--itisforthcomingondemand.'Now,whatthedevilcanthismean!--HerNorrisforthcomingondemand!--thedeviltakeme,ifIamout-Norris'd!--Ifsuchinnocentscanallowthemselvestoplot(toNorris),wellmayI.
*SeeVol.IV.LetterII.
Sheissorry,that'herHannahcan'tbewithher.'--Andwhatifshecould?--WhatcouldHannahdoforherinsuchahouseasthis?
'Thewomeninthehousearetobefoundoutinonebreakfasting.'Thewomenareenragedatboththecorrespondentsforthis;andmorethanevermakeapointofmysubduingher.IhadagoodmindtogiveMissHowetotheminfullproperty.Saybuttheword,Jack,anditshallbedone.
'SheisgladthatMissHarlowehadthoughtsoftakingmeatmyword.She
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wonderedIdidnotofferagain.'Advisesher,ifIdon'tsoon,'nottostaywithme.'Cautionsher,'tokeepmeatadistance;nottopermittheleastfamiliarity.'--See,Jack!seeBelford!--ExactlyasIthought!--Hervigilanceallowingtoacoolfriend;whocansitdownquietly,andgivethatadvice,whichinherowncaseshecouldnottake.Whatanencouragementtometoproceedinmydevices,whenIhavereasontothinkthatmybeloved'sreservesareowingmoretoMissHowe'scautionsthantoherowninclinations!But'itismyinteresttobehonest,'MissHowetellsher.--INTEREST,fools!--Ithoughtthesegirlsknew,thatmyinterestwaseversubservienttomypleasure.
WhatwouldIgivetocomeatthecopiesoftheletterstowhichthoseofMissHoweareanswers!
ThenextletterisdatedMay3.*Inthisthelittletermagantexpressesherastonishment,thathermothershouldwritetoMissHarlowe,toforbidhertocorrespondwithherdaughter.Mr.Hickman,shesays,isofopinion,'thatsheoughtnottoobeyhermother.'Howthecreepingfellowtrimsbetweenboth!Iamafraid,thatImustpunishhim,aswellasthisvirago;andIhaveaschemerumblinginmyhead,thatwantsbuthalfanhour'smusingtobringintoform,thatwilldomybusinessuponboth.Icannotbear,thattheparentalauthorityshouldbethusdespised,thustrampledunderfoot.Butobservethevixen,''Tiswellheisofheropinion;forhermotherhavingsetherup,shemusthave
somebodytoquarrelwith.'--CouldaLovelacehaveallowedhimselfagreaterlicense?Thisgirl'sadevilishrakeinherheart.Hadshebeenaman,andoneofus,she'dhaveoutdoneusallinenterpriseandspirit.
*SeeVol.IV.LetterX.
'Shewantsbutverylittlefartherprovocation,'shesays,'toflyprivatelytoLondon.Andifshedoes,shewillnotleavehertillsheseeshereitherhonourablymarried,orquitofthewretch.'Here,Jack,thetranscriberSallyhasaddedaprayer--'FortheLord'ssake,dearMr.Lovealce,getthisfurytoLondon!'--Herfate,Icantellthee,Jack,if
wehadheramongus,shouldnotbesolongdecidingasherfriend's.Whatagantelopewouldsherun,whenIhaddonewithher,amongadozenofherownpitilesssex,whommycharmershallneversee!--Butmoreofthisanon.
Ifindbythisletter,thatmysaucycaptivehasbeendrawingthecharactersofeveryvarletofye.NoramIsparedinitmorethanyou.'Theman'safool,tobesure,mydear.'Letmeperish,iftheyeitherofthemfindmeone!--'Asillyfellow,atleast.'Cursedcontemptible!--'Iseenotbuttheyareasetofinfernals!'There'soneforthee,Lovelace!andyetshewouldhaveherfriendmarryaBeelzebub.--Andwhathaveanyofusdone,(withintheknowledgeofMissHarlowe,)thatsheshouldgivesuchanaccountofus,asshouldexcusesomuchabusefrom
MissHowe!--Buttheoccasionthatshallwarrantthisabuseistocome!
Sheblamesher,for'notadmittingMissPartingtontoherbed--watchful,asyouare,whatcouldhavehappened?--Ifviolencewereintended,hewouldnotstayforthenight.'Iamashamedtohavethishintedtomebythisvirago.Sallywritesuponthishint--'See,Sir,whatisexpectedfromyou.Anhundred,andanhundredtimeshavewetoldyouofthis.'--Andsotheyhave.Buttobesure,theadvicefromthemwasnothalftheefficacyasitwillbefromMissHowe.--'Youmighthavesatupafterher,ornotgonetobed,'proceedsshe.
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Butcantherebesuchapprehensionsbetweenthem,yettheoneadvisehertostay,andtheotherresolvetowaitmyimperialmotionformarriage?IamgladIknowthat.
SheapprovesofmyproposalofMrs.Fretchville'shouse.Sheputsheruponexpectingsettlements;uponnamingaday:andconcludeswithinsistinguponherwriting,notwithstandinghermother'sprohibitions;orbidsher'taketheconsequence.'Undutifulwretches!HowIlongtovindicateagainstthemboththeinsultedparentalcharacter!
Thouwiltsaytothyself,bythistime,AndcanthisproudandinsolentgirlbethesameMissHowe,whosighedforanhonestSirGeorgeColmar;andwho,butforthisherbelovedfriend,wouldhavefollowedhiminallhisbrokenfortunes,whenhewasobligedtoquitthekingdom?
Yes,sheistheverysame.AndIalwaysfoundinothers,aswellasinmyself,thatafirstpassionthoroughlysubdued,madetheconquerorofitarover;theconqueressatyrant.
Well,butnowcomesmincinginaletter,fromonewhohas'thehonourofdearMissHowe'scommands'*toacquaintMissHarlowe,thatMissHoweis'excessivelyconcernedfortheconcernshehasgivenher.'
*SeeVol.IV.LetterXII.
'Ihavegreattemptations,onthisoccasion,'saystheprimGothamite,'toexpressmyownresentmentsuponyourpresentstate.'
'Myownresentments!'----Andwhydidhenotfallintothistemptation?--Why,truly,becauseheknewnotwhatthatstatewaswhichgavehimsotemptingasubject--onlybyaconjecture,andsoforth.
Hethendancesinhisstyle,ashedoesinhisgait!Tobesure,tobesure,hemusthavemadethegrandtour,andcomehomebywayof
Tipperary.
'Andbeingmoreoverforbid,'saystheprancer,'toenterintothecruelsubject.'--Thisprohibitionwasamercytothee,friendHickman!--Butwhycruelsubject,ifthouknowestnotwhatitis,butconjecturestonlyfromthedisturbanceitgivestoagirl,thatishermother'sdisturbance,willbethydisturbance,andthedisturbance,inturn,ofeverybodywithwhomsheisintimatelyacquainted,unlessIhavethehumblingofher?
Inanotherletter,*thelittlefuryprofesses,'thatshewillwrite,andthatnomanshallwriteforher,'asifsomemediumofthatkindhadbeenproposed.Sheapprovesofherfairfriend'sintention'toleaveme,ifshecanbereceivedbyherrelations.Iamawretch,afoolishwretch.
Shehatesmeformyteasingways.Shehasjustmadeanacquaintancewithonewhoknowsavastdealofmyprivatehistory.'Acurseuponher,anduponherhistoriographer!--'Themanisreallyavillain,anexecrableone.'Deviltakeher!--'HadIadozenlives,Imighthaveforfeitedthemalltwentycrimesago.'Anoddwayofreckoning,Jack!
*SeeLetterXXIII.ofthisvolume.
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MissBetterton,MissLockyer,arenamed--theman,(sheirreverentlyrepeats)sheagaincallsavillain.Letmeperish,Irepeat,ifIamcalledavillainfornothing!--She'willhaveheruncle,'asMissHarlowerequests,'soundedaboutreceivingher.Dorcasistobeattachedtoherinterest:mylettersaretobecomeatbysurpriseortrick'--
Whatthinkestthouofthis,Jack?
MissHoweisalarmedatmyattempttocomeataletterofhers.
'WereItocomeattheknowledgeofherfreedomswithmycharacter,'shesays,'sheshouldbeafraidtostiroutwithoutaguard.'Iwouldadvisethevixentogetherguardready.
'Iamattheheadofagangofwretches,'[thee,Jack,andthybrothervarlets,sheownsshemeans,]'whojointogethertobetrayinnocentcreatures,andtosupportoneanotherintheirvillanies.'--Whatsayestthoutothis,Belford?
'Shewondersnotathermelancholyreflectionsformeetingme,forbeingforceduponme,andtrickedbyme.'--Ihope,Jack,thou'lthavedonepreachingafterthis!
Butshecomfortsher,'thatshewillbebothawarningandanexampleto
allhersex.'Ihopethesexwillthankmeforthis!Thenymphshadnottime,theysay,totranscribeallthatwasworthyofmyresentmentinthisletter:soImustfindanopportunitytocomeatitmyself.Noblerant,theysay,itcontains--ButIamaseducer,andahundredvilefellows,init.--'Andthedevil,itseems,tookpossessionofmyheart,andoftheheartsofallherfriends,inthesamedarkhour,inordertoprovokehertomeetme.'Again,'Thereisafateinhererror,'shesays--Whythenshouldshegrieve?--'Adversityishershiningtime,'andIcan'ttellwhat;yetnevertothankthemantowhomsheowestheshine!
Inthenextletter,*wickedasIam,'shefearsImustbeherlordand
master.'
*SeeLetterXXIX.ofthisvolume.
Ihopeso.
Sheretractswhatshesaidagainstmeinherlast.--MybehaviourtomyRosebud;MissHarlowetotakepossessionofMrs.Fretchville'shouse;ItostayatMrs.Sinclair's;thestakeIhaveinmycountry;myreversions;myeconomy;myperson;myaddress;[somethinglikeinallthis!]arebroughtinmyfavour,toinducehernownottoleaveme.How
doIlovetopuzzletheselong-sightedgirls!
Yet'myteasingways,'itseems,'areintolerable.'--Arewomenonlytotease,Itrow?Thesexmaythankthemselvesforteachingmetoout-teasethem.SotheheadstrongCharlesXII.ofSwedentaughttheCzarPetertobeathim,bycontinuingawarwiththeMuscovitesagainsttheancientmaximsofhiskingdom.
'MayeternalvengeancePURSUEthevillain,[thankheaven,shedoesnotsayovertake,]ifhegiveroomtodoubthishonour!'--Womencan'tswear,
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Jack--sweetsouls!theycanonlycurse.
Iamsaid,todoubtherlove--HaveInotreason?Andshe,todoubtmyardour--Ardour,Jack!--why,'tisveryright--women,asMissHowesays,andaseveryrakeknows,loveardours!
Sheapprizesher,ofthe'illsuccessoftheapplicationmadetoheruncle.'--ByHickmannodoubt!--Imusthavethisfellow'searsinmypocket,veryquicklyIbelieve.
Shesays,'sheisequallyshockedandenragedagainstallherfamily:Mrs.Norton'sweighthasbeentrieduponMrs.Harlowe,aswellasMr.Hickman'supontheuncle:butneverwerethere,'saysthevixen,'suchdeterminedbrutesintheworld.Heruncleconcludesherruinedalready.'Isnotthatacalluponme,aswellasareproach?--'Theyallexpectedapplicationsfromherwhenindistress--butwereresolvednottostiraninchtosaveherlife.'MissHowe'isconcerned,'shetellsher,'fortherevengemypridemayputmeupontakingforthedistanceshehaskeptmeat'--andwellshemay.--Itisnowevidenttoher,thatshemustbemine(forhercousinMorden,itseems,issetagainsthertoo)--anactofnecessity,ofconvenience!--thyfriend,Jack,tobealreadymadeawoman'sconvenience!IsthistobebornebyaLovelace?
Ishallmakegreatuseofthisletter.FromMissHowe'shintsofwhat
passedbetweenheruncleHarloweandHickman,[itmustbeHickman,]Icangiveroomformyinventiontoplay;forshetellsher,that'shewillnotrevealall.'Imustendeavourtocomeatthislettermyself.Imusthavetheverywords:extractswillnotdo.Thisletter,whenIhaveit,mustbemycompasstosteerby.
Thefireoffriendshipthenblazesandcrackles.Ineverbeforeimaginedthatsoferventafriendshipcouldsubsistbetweentwosister-beauties,bothtoasts.Butevenhereitmaybeinflamedbyopposition,andbythatcontradictionwhichgivesvigourtofemalespiritsofawarmandromanticturn.
Sheravesabout'comingup,ifbydoingsoshecouldpreventsonoblea
creaturefromstoopingtoolow,orsaveherfromruin.'--Onereedtosupportanother!IthinkIwillcontrivetobringherup.
Howcomesittopass,thatIcannothelpbeingpleasedwiththisvirago'sspirit,thoughIsufferbyit?HadIherbuthere,I'dengage,inaweek'stime,toteachhersubmissionwithoutreserve.WhatpleasureshouldIhaveinbreakingsuchaspirit!Ishouldwishforherbutforonemonth,Ithink.Shewouldbetootameandspiritlessformeafterthat.Howsweetlyprettytoseethetwolovelyfriends,whenhumbledandtame,bothsittinginthedarkestcornerofaroom,arminarm,weepingandsobbingforeachother!--andItheiremperor,theirthenacknowledgedemperor,reclinedatmyeaseinthesameroom,uncertaintowhichIshouldfirst,grandsignorlike,throwoutmyhandkerchief!
Againmindthegirl:'SheisenragedattheHarlowes;'sheis'angryatherownmother;'sheisexasperatedagainstherfoolishandlow-vanity'dLovelace.'FOOLISH,alittletoad![Godforgivemeforcallingsuchavirtuousgirlatoad!]--'Letusstooptoliftthewretchoutofhisdirt,thoughwesoilourfingersindoingit!Hehasnotbeenguiltyofdirectindecencytoyou.'ItseemsextraordinarytoMissHowethatIhavenot.--'Nordarehe!'Sheshouldbesureofthat.Ifwomenhavesuchthingsintheirheads,whyshouldnotIinmyheart?Notsomuchofadevilasthatcomestoneither.Suchvillainousintentionswouldhaveshown
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themselvesbeforenowifIhadthem.--Lordhelpthem!--
Shethenputsherfrienduponurgingforsettlements,license,andsoforth.--'Noroomfordelicacynow,'shesays;andtellsherwhatsheshallsay,'tobringallforwardfromme.'Isitnotascleartothee,Jack,asitistome,thatIshouldhavecarriedmypointlongago,butforthisvixen?--ShereproachesherforhavingMODESTY'Daway,asshecallsit,morethanoneopportunity,thatsheoughtnottohaveslipt.--Thusthouseest,thatthenoblestofthesexmeannothingintheworldbytheirshynessanddistance,buttopoundthepoorfellowtheydislikenot,whenhecomesintotheirpurlieus.
Though'trickedintothisman'spower,'shetellsher,sheis'notmeanlysubjugatedtoit.'Therearehopesofmyreformation,itseems,'frommyreverenceforher;sincebeforeherIneverhadanyreverenceforwhatwasgood!'Iam'agreat,aspeciousdeceiver.'Ithankherforthis,however.Agoodmoraluse,shesays,maybemadeofmy'havingprevaileduponhertoswerve.'Iamgladthatanygoodmayflowfrommyactions.
Annexedtothisletterisapaperthemostsaucythateverwaswrittenofamotherbyadaughter.Thereareinitsuchfreereflectionsuponwidowsandbachelors,thatIcannotbutwonderhowMissHowecamebyherlearning.SirGeorgeColmar,Icantellthee,wasagreaterfoolthanthyfriend,ifshehaditallfornothing.
ThecontentsofthispaperacquaintMissHarlowe,thatheruncleAntonyhasbeenmakingproposalsofmarriagetohermother.
Theoldfellow'sheartoughttobeatoughone,ifhesucceed;orshewhobrokethatofamuchworthierman,thelateMr.Howe,willsoongetridofhim.
Butbethisasitmay,thestupidfamilyismademoreirreconcilablethanevertotheirgoddess-daughterforoldAntony'sthoughtsofmarrying:soIammoresecureofherthanever.AndyetIbelieveatlast,thatmytenderheartwillbemovedinherfavour.ForIdidnotwishthatsheshouldhavenothingbutpersecutionanddistress.--Butwhylovesshethe
brutes,asMissHowejustlycallsthem,somuch;mesolittle?
Ihavestillmoreunpardonabletranscriptsfromotherletters.
LETTERXLV
MR.LOVELACE,TOJOHNBELFORD,ESQ.
Thenextletterisofsuchanature,that,Idaresay,theseproudrougeswouldnothavehaditfallintomyhandsfortheworld.*
*SeeLetterXXXIV.ofthisvolume.
Iseebyittowhatherdispleasurewithme,inrelationtomyproposals,wasowing.Theywerenotsummedup,itseems,withthewarmth,withtheardour,whichshehadexpected.
ThiswholeletterwastranscribedbyDorcas,towhoselotitfell.Thou
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shalthavecopiesofthemallatfulllengthshortly.
'Menofourcast,'thislittledevilsays,'shefancies,cannothavetheardoursthathonestmenhave.'MissHowehasveyprettyfancies,Jack.Charminggirl!WouldtoHeavenIknewwhethermyfair-oneanswersherasfreelyasshewrites!'Twouldvexaman'sheart,thatthisviragoshouldhavecomehonestlybyherfancies.
WhoknowsbutImayhavehalfadozencreaturestogetoffmyhands,beforeIengageforlife?--Yet,lestthisshouldmeanmeacompliment,asifIwouldreform,sheaddsherbelief,thatshe'mustnotexpectmetobehonestonthissidemygrandclimacteric.'Shehasanhighopinionofhersex,tothinktheycancharmsolongamansowellacquaintedwiththeiridenticalness.
'Hetosuggestdelays,'shesays,'fromacomplimenttobemadetoLordM.!'--Yes,I,mydear.--Becauseamanhasnotbeenaccustomedtobedutiful,mustheneverbedutiful?--Insoimportantacaseasthistoo!theheartsofhiswholefamilyareengagedinit!--'Youdid,indeed,'saysshe,'wantaninterposingfriend--butwereItohavebeeninyoursituation,Iwouldhavetornhiseyesout,andleftittohishearttofurnishthereasonforit.'See!See!Whatsayestthoutothis,Jack?
'Villain--fellowthatheis!'follow.Andforwhat?Onlyforwishing
thatthenextdayweretobemyhappyone;andforbeingdutifultomynearestrelation.
'Itisthecruelestoffates,'shesays,'forawomantobeforcedtohaveamanwhomherheartdespises.'--ThatiswhatIwantedtobesureof.--Iwasafraid,thatmybelovedwastooconsciousofhertalents;ofhersuperiority!Iwasafraidthatsheindeeddespisesme.--AndIcannotbeartothinkthatshedoes.But,Belford,Idonotintendthatthisladyshallbebounddowntosocruelafate.LetmeperishifImarryawomanwhohasgivenhermostintimatefriendreasontosay,shedespisesme!--ALovelacetobedespised,Jack!
'Hisclenchedfisttohisforeheadonyourleavinghiminjust
displeasure'--thatis,whenshewasnotsatisfiedwithmyardours,ifitpleaseye!--Irememberthemotion:butherbackwastowardsmeatthetime.*Arethesewatchfulladiesalleye?--Butobservewhatfollows;'Iwishithadbeenapoll-axe,andinthehandsofhisworstenemy.'--
*ShetellsMissHowe,thatshesawthismotioninthepier-glass.SeeLetterXXXIII.ofthisvolume.
Iwillhavepatience,Jack;Iwillhavepatience!Mydayisathand.--ThenwillIsteelmyheartwiththeseremembrances.
Buthereisaschemetobethoughtof,inorderto'getmyfairprizeoutofmyhands,incaseIgiveherreasontosuspectme.'
Thisindeedalarmsme.Nowthecontentionbecomesarduous.Nowwiltthounotwonder,ifIletloosemyplottinggeniusuponthemboth.Iwillnotbeout-Norris'd,Belford.
Butoncemore,'Shehasnonotion,'shesays,'thatIcanordaretomeanherdishonour.Butthenthemanisafool--that'sall.'--Ishouldindeedbeafool,toproceedasIdo,andmeanmatrimony!--'However,sinceyou
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arethrownuponafool,'saysshe,'marrythefoolatthefirstopportunity;andthoughIdoubtthatthismanwillbethemostunmanageableoffools,asallwittyandvainfoolsare,takehimasapunishment,sinceyoucannotasareward.'--Isthereanybearingthis,Belford?
But,'suchmenasmyself,arethementhatwomendonotnaturallyhate.'--Trueasthegospel,Jack!--Thetruthisoutatlast.HaveInotalwaystoldtheeso?Sweetcreaturesandtruechristianstheseyounggirls!Theylovetheirenemies.Butrakesintheirheartsallofthem!Liketurnstolike;that'sthething.WereInotwellassuredofthetruthofthisobservationofthevixen,Ishouldhavethoughtitworthwhile,ifnottobeagoodman,tobemoreofanhypocrite,thanIfounditneedfultobe.
ButintheletterIcameatto-day,whileshewasatchurch,herschemeisfurtheropened;andacursedoneitis.
[Mr.Lovelacethentranscribes,fromhisshort-handnotes,thatpartofMissHowe'sletter,whichrelatestothedesignofengagingMrs.Townsend(incaseofnecessity)togiveherprotectiontillColonelMordencome:*andrepeatshisvowsofrevenge;especiallyforthesewords;'Thatshouldheattemptanythingthatwouldmakehimobnoxious
tothelawsofsociety,shemighthaveafairriddanceofhim,eitherbyflightorthegallows,nomatterwhich.'Hethenadds]--
*SeeLetterXLII.ofthisvolume.
'Tismypridetosubduegirlswhoknowtoomuchtodoubttheirknowledge;andtoconvincethem,thattheyknowtoolittle,todefendthemselvesfromtheinconvenienciesofknowingtoomuch.
Howpassiondrivesamanon!(proceedshe).--Ihavewrittenaprodigiousquantityinaveryfewhours!Nowmyresentmentsarewarm,Iwillsee,
andperhapswillpunish,thisproud,thisdouble-armedbeauty.Ihavesenttotellher,thatImustbeadmittedtosupwithher.Wehaveneitherofusdined.Sherefusedtodrinkteaintheafternoon:andIbelieveneitherofuswillhavemuchstomachtooursupper.
LETTERXLVI
MISSCLARISSAHARLOWE,TOMISSHOWESUNDAYMORNING,SEVENO'CLOCK.
IwasattheplaylastnightwithMr.LovelaceandMissHorton.Itis,youknow,adeepandmostaffectingtragedyinthereading.Youhavemyremarksuponit,inthelittlebookyoumademewriteupontheprincipalacting-plays.Youwillnotwonder,thatMissHorton,aswellasI,wasgreatlymovedattherepresentation,whenItellyou,andhavesomepleasureintellingyou,thatMr.Lovelacehimselfwasverysensiblytouchedwithsomeofthemostaffectingscenes.Imentionthisinpraiseoftheauthor'sperformance;forItakeMr.Lovelacetobeoneofthemosthard-heartedmenintheworld.Uponmyword,mydear,Ido.
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Hisbehaviour,however,onthisoccasion,andonourreturn,wasunexceptionable;onlythathewouldobligemetostaytosupperwiththewomenbelow,whenwecameback,andtositupwithhimandthemtillnearoneo'clockthismorning.Iwasresolvedtobeevenwithhim;andindeedIamnotverysorrytohavethepretence;forIlovetopasstheSundaysbymyself.
Tohavethebetterexcusetoavoidhisteasing,Iamreadydressedtogotochurchthismorning.IwillgoonlytoSt.James'schurch,andinachair;thatImaybesureIcangooutandcomeinwhenIplease,withoutbeingintrudeduponbyhim,asIwastwicebefore.
***
NEARNINEO'CLOCK.
Ihaveyourkindletterofyesterday.HeknowsIhave.AndIshallexpect,thathewillbeinquisitivenexttimeIseehimafteryouropinionsofhisproposals.Idoubtednotyourapprobationofthem,andhadwrittenanansweronthatpresumption;whichisreadyforhim.Hemuststudyforoccasionsofprocrastination,andtodisobligeme,ifnowanythinghappenstosetusatvarianceagain.
Heisveryimportunatetoseeme.Hehasdesiredtoattendmetochurch.HeisangrythatIhavedeclinedtobreakfastwithhim.IamsurethatIshouldnothavebeenatmyownlibertyifIhad.IbidDorcastellhim,thatIdesiredtohavethisdaytomyself.Iwouldseehiminthemorningasearlyashepleased.Shesays,sheknowsnotwhatailshim,butthatheisoutofhumourwitheverybody.
Hehassentagaininaperemptorymanner.HewarnsmeofSingleton.Isenthimword,thatifhewasnotafraidofSingletonattheplayhouselastnight,Ineednotatchurchto-day:somanychurchestooneplayhouse.Ihaveacceptedofhisservant'sproposedattendance.Butheisquitedispleased,itseems.Idon'tcare.Iwillnotbeperpetuallyathisinsolentbeck.--Adieumydear,tillIreturn.Thechairwaits.
Hewon'tstopme,sure,asIgodowntoit.
***
IdidnotseehimasIwentdown.Heis,itseems,excessivelyoutofhumour.Dorcassays,notwithmeneither,shebelieves:butsomethinghasvexedhim.Thisisperhapstomakemedinewithhim.ButIwillnot,ifIcanhelpit.Ishan'tgetridofhimfortherestoftheday,ifIdo.
***
Hewasveryearnesttodinewithme.ButIwasresolvedtocarrythisonesmallpoint;andsodeniedtodinemyself.AndindeedIwasendeavouringtowritetomycousinMorden;andhadbegunthreedifferenttimes,withoutbeingabletopleasemyself.
Hewasverybusyinwriting,Dorcassays;andpursueditwithoutdining,becauseIdeniedhimmycompany.
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Hafterwardsdemanded,asImaysay,tobeadmittedtoafternoon-teawithme:andappealedbyDorcastohisbehaviourtomelastnight;asifIsenthimwordbyher,hethoughthehadameritinbeingunexceptionable.However,Irepeatedmypromisetomeethimasearlyashepleasedinthemorning,ortobreakfastwithhim.
Dorcassays,heraved:Iheardhimloud,andIheardhisservantflyfromhim,asIthought.You,mydearestfriend,say,inoneofyours,*thatyoumusthavesomebodytobeangryat,whenyourmothersetsyouup.Ishouldbeverylothtodrawcomparisons;buttheworkingsofpassion,whenindulged,arebuttoomuchalike,whetherinmanorwoman.
*SeeLetterX.ofthisvolume,Parag.2.
***
Hehasjustsentmeword,thatheinsistsuponsuppingwithme.Aswehadbeeninagoodtrainforseveraldayspast,Ithoughtitnotprudenttobreakwithhimforlittlematters.Yet,tobe,inamanner,threatenedintohiswill,Iknownothowtobearthat.
WhileIwasconsidering,hecameup,and,tappingatmydoor,toldme,inaveryangrytone,hemustseemethisnight.Hecouldnotrest,tillhehadbeentoldwhathehaddonetodeservethetreatmentIgavehim.
TreatmentIgavehim!awretch!Yetperhapshehasnothingnewtosaytome.Ishallbeveryangrywithhim.
***
[AstheLadycouldnotknowwhatMr.Lovelace'sdesignswere,northe
causeofhisillhumour,itwillnotbeimpropertopursuethesubjectfromhislette.
Havingdescribedhisangrymannerofdemanding,inperson,hercompanyatsupper,heproceedsasfollows:]
''Tishard,answeredthefairperverse,thatIamtobesolittlemyownmistress.Iwillmeetyouinthedining-roomhalfanhourhence.
'Iwentdowntowaitthehalfhour.Allthewomensetmehardtogivehercauseforthistyranny.Theydemonstrated,aswellfromthenatureofthesex,asofthecase,thatIhadnothingtohopeforfrommytameness,andcouldmeetwithnoworsetreatment,wereItobeguiltyof
thelastoffence.TheyurgemevehementlytotryatleastwhateffectsomegreaterfamiliaritiesthanIhadevertakenwithherwouldhave:andtheirargumentsbeingstrengthenedbymyjustresentmentsonthediscoveriesIhadmade,Iwasresolvedtotakesomeliberties,astheywerereceived,totakestillgreater,andlayallthefaultuponhertyranny.InthishumourIwentup,andneverhadparalyticsolittlecommandofhisjoints,asIhad,whileIwalkedaboutthedining-room,attendinghermotions.
'Withanerectmiensheentered,herfaceaverted,herlovelybosom
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swelling,andthemorecharminglyprotuberantfortheerectnessofhermien.OJack!thatsullennessandreserveshouldaddtothecharmsofthishaughtymaid!butineveryattitude,ineveryhumour,ineverygesture,isbeautybeautiful.Byheravertedface,andindignantaspect,Isawthedearinsolentwasdisposedtobeangry--butbythefiercenessofmine,asmytremblinghandseizedhers,Isoonmadefearherpredominantpassion.AndyetthemomentIbeheldher,myheartwasdastardized;andmyreverenceforthevirginpurity,sovisibleinherwholedeportment,againtookplace.Surely,Belford,thisisanangel.Andyet,hadshenotbeenknowntobeafemale,theywouldnotfrombabyhoodhavedressedherassuch,norwouldshe,butuponthatconviction,havecontinuedthedress.
'Letmeaskyou,Madam,Ibeseechyoutellme,whatIhavedonetodeservethisdistanttreatment?
'Andletmeaskyou,Mr.Lovelace,whyaremyretirementstobethusinvaded?--Whatcanyouhavetosaytomesincelastnight,thatIwentwithyousomuchagainstmywilltotheplay?andaftersittingupwithyou,equallyagainstmywill,tillaverylatehour?
'ThisIhavetosay,Madam,thatIcannotbeartobekeptatthisdistancefromyouunderthesameroof.
'Underthesameroof,Sir!--Howcameyou----'Hearmeout,Madam--[lettinggohertremblinghands,andsnatchingthembackagainwithaneagernessthatmadeherstart]--Ihaveathousandthingstosay,totalkof,relatingtoourpresentandfutureprospects;butwhenIwanttoopenmywholesoultoyou,youarealwayscontrivingtokeepmeatadistance.Youmakemeinconsistentwithmyself.Yourheartissetupondelays.Youmusthaveviewsthatyouwillnotown.Tellme,Madam,Iconjureyoutotellme,thismoment,withoutsubterfugeorreserve,inwhatlightamItoappeartoyouinfuture?Icannotbearthisdistance.ThesuspenseyouholdmeinIcannotbear.
'Inwhatlight,Mr.Lovelace![visiblyterrified.]Innobadlight,I
hope.--Pray,Mr.Lovelace,donotgraspmyhandssohard[endeavouringtowithdrawthem.]Prayletmego.--
'Youhateme,Madam--
'Ihatenobody,Sir--
'Youhateme,Madam,repeatedI.
'Instigatedandresolved,asIcameup,Iwantedsomenewprovocation.Thedevilindeed,assoonasmyangelmadeherappearance,creptoutofmyheart;buthehadleftthedooropen,andwasnofartheroffthanmyelbow.
'Youcomeupinnogoodtemper,Isee,Mr.Lovelace.--Butpraybenotviolent--Ihavedoneyounohurt.--Praybenotviolent--
'Sweetcreature!andIclaspedonearmabouther,holdingonehandinmyother.--Youhavedonemenohurt.--Icouldhavedevouredher--butrestrainingmyself--Youhavedonemethegreatesthurt!--InwhathaveIdeservedthedistanceyoukeepmeat?--Iknewnotwhattosay.
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'Shestruggledtodisengageherself.--Pray,Mr.Lovelace,letmewithdraw.Iknownotwhythisis.IknownotwhatIhavedonetooffendyou.Iseeyouarecomewithadesigntoquarrelwithme.Ifyouwouldnotterrifymebytheillhumouryouarein,permitmetowithdraw.Iwillhearallyouhavetosayanothertime--to-morrowmorning,asIsentyouword.--Butindeedyoufrightenme--Ibeseechyou,ifyouhaveanyvalueforme,permitmetowithdraw.
'Night,mid-night,isnecessary,Belford.Surprise,terror,mustbenecessarytotheultimatetrialofthischarmingcreature,saythewomenbelowwhattheywill.Icouldnotholdmypurposes.ThiswasnotthefirsttimethatIhadintendedtotryifshecouldforgive.
'Ikissedherhandwithafervour,asifIwouldhaveleftmylipsuponit.--Withdraw,then,dearest,andever-dearcreature.IndeedIenteredinaveryillhumour.Icannotbearthedistanceatwhichyousocauselesslykeepme.Withdraw,Madam,sinceitisyourwilltowithdraw;andjudgemegenerously;judgemebutasIdeservetobejudged;andletmehopetomeetyouto-morrowmorningearlyinsuchatemperasbecomesourpresentsituation,andmyfuturehopes.
'Andsosaying,Iconductedhertothedoor,andleftherthere.But,insteadofgoingdowntothewomen,Iwentintomyownchamber,andlockedmyselfin;ashamedofbeingawedbyhermajesticloveliness,and
apprehensivevirtue,intosogreatachangeofpurpose,notwithstandingIhadsuchjustprovocationsfromthelettersofhersaucyfriend,formedonherownrepresentationsoffactsandsituationsbetweenherselfandme.
***
[TheLady(datedSundaynight)thusdescribesherterrors,andMr.Lovelace'sbehaviour,ontheoccasion.]
Onmyenteringthedining-room,hetookmyhandinhis,insuchahumour,
Isawplainlyhewasresolvedtoquarrelwithme--Andforwhat?--WhathadIdonetohim?--Ineverinmylifebeheldinanybodysuchwild,suchangry,suchimpatientairs.Iwasterrified;andinsteadofbeingasangryasIintendedtobe,Iwasforcedtobeallmildness.Icanhardlyrememberwhatwerehisfirstwords,Iwassofrighted.Butyouhateme,Madam!youhateme,Madam!weresomeofthem--withsuchafierceness--Iwishedmyselfathousandmilesdistantfromhim.Ihatenobody,saidI:IthankGodIhatenobody--Youterrifyme,Mr.Lovelace--letmeleaveyou.--Theman,mydear,lookedquiteugly--Ineversawamanlooksouglyaspassionmadehimlook--andforwhat?--Andsohegraspedmyhands!--fiercecreature;--hesograspedmyhands!Inshort,heseemedbyhislooks,andbyhiswords(onceputtinghisarmsaboutme)towishmetoprovokehim.SothatIhadnothingtodobuttobegofhim(whichIdid
repeatedly)topermitmetowithdraw:andtopromisetomeethimathisowntimeinthemorning.
Itwaswithaveryillgracethathecomplied,onthatcondition;andatpartinghekissedmyhandwithsuchasavageness,thatarednessremainsuponitstill.
Doyounotthink,mydear,thatIhavereasontobeincensedathim,mysituationconsidered?AmInotunderanecessity,asitwere,ofquarrellingwithhim;atleasteveryothertimeIseehim?Noprudery,
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nocoquetry,notyrannyinmyheart,orinmybehaviourtohim,thatIknowof.Noaffectedprocrastination.Aimingatnothingbutdecorum.Heasmuchconcerned,andsoheoughttothink,asI,tohavethatobserved.Toomuchinhispower:castuponhimbythecrueltyofmyrelations.Nootherprotectiontoflytobuthis.Oneplainpathbeforeus;yetsuchembarrasses,suchdifficulties,suchsubjectsfordoubt,forcavil,foruneasiness;asfastasoneisobviated,anothertobeintroduced,andnotbymyself--knownothowintroduced--WhatpleasurecanIproposetomyselfinmeetingsuchawretch?
Perfectforme,mydearestMissHowe,perfectforme,Ibeseechyou,yourkindschemewithMrs.Townsend;andIwillthenleavethisman.
Mytemper,Ibelieve,ischanged.Nowonderifitbe.Iquestionwhethereveritwillbewhatitwas.ButIcannotmakehimhalfsouneasybythechange,asIammyself.Seeyounothow,fromsteptostep,hegrowsuponme?--Itrembletolookbackuponhisencroachments.Andnowtogivemecausetoapprehendmoreevilfromhim,thanindignationwillpermitmetoexpress!--Omydear,perfectyourscheme,andletmeflyfromsostrangeawretch!
Yet,tobefirstaneloperfrommyfriendstohim,astheworldsupposes;andnowtobesofromhim[towhomIknownot!]howhardtoonewhoeverendeavouredtoshunintricatepaths!Buthemustcertainlyhaveviewsin
quarrellingwithmethus,whichhedarenotown!--Yetwhatcantheybe?--Iamterrifiedbuttothinkofwhattheymaybe!
Letmebutgetfromhim!--Astomyreputation,ifIleavehim--thatisalreadytoomuchwoundedforme,now,tobecarefulaboutanything,buthowtoactsoasthatmyownheartshallnotreproachme.Astotheworld'scensure,Imustbecontenttosufferthat--anunhappycomposition,however.--Whatawreckhavemyfortunessuffered,tobeobligedtothrowoverboardsomanyvaluables,topreserve,indeed,theonlyvaluable!--AcompositionthatonceitwouldhavehalfbrokenmyhearttothinktherewouldhavebeentheleastdangerthatIshouldbeobligedtosubmitto.
You,mydear,couldnotbeastrangertomymostsecretfailings,althoughyouwouldnottellmeofthem.WhatapridedidItakeintheapplauseofeveryone!--WhataprideeveninsupposingIhadnotthatpride!--Whichconcealeditselffrommyunexaminingheartunderthespeciousveilofhumility,doublingthemerittomyselfbythesupposed,andindeedimputed,gracefulnessinthemannerofconferringbenefits,whenIhadnotasinglemeritinwhatIdid,vastlyoverpaidbythepleasureofdoingsomelittlegood,andimpelled,asImaysay,bytalentsgivenme--forwhat!--Nottobeproudof.
So,desirous,inshort,tobeconsideredasanexample!Avanitywhichmypartialadmirersputintomyhead!--Andsosecureinmyownvirtue!
Iampunishedenough,enoughmortified,forthismyvanity--Ihope,enough,ifitsopleasetheall-graciousinflictor:sincenow,Iverilythink,Imoredespisemyselfformypresumptuousself-security,aswellasvanity,thaneverIsecretlyvauntedmyselfonmygoodinclinations:secretly,Isay,however;for,indeed,Ihadnotgivenmyselfleisuretoreflect,tillIwasthusmortified,howveryimperfectIwas;norhowmuchtruththereisinwhatdivinestellus,thatwesininourbestperformances.
ButIwasveryyoung.--Buthereletmewatchovermyselfagain:forin
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thosefourwords,Iwasveryyoung,istherenotapalliationcouched,thatwereenoughtotakeallefficacyfromthediscoveryandconfession?
Whatstrangeimperfectbeings!--butselfhere,whichisatthebottomofallwedo,andofallwewish,isthegrandmisleader.
Iwillnotapologizetoyou,mydear,forthesegravereflections.Isitnotenoughtomaketheunhappycreaturelookintoherself,andendeavourtodetectherself,who,fromsuchahighreputation,lefttoproudandpresumptuousself,shouldbyonethoughtlessstep,bebroughttothedreadfulsituationIamin?
Letme,however,lookforward:todespondwouldbetoaddsintosin.AndwhomhaveItoraisemeup,whomtocomfortme,ifIdesertmyself?--Thou,OFather,who,Ihope,hastnotyetdeserted,hastnotyetcursedme!--ForIamthine!--Itisfitthatmediationshouldsupplytherest.--
***
Iwassodisgustedwithhim,aswellasfrightedbyhim,thatonmyreturntomychamber,inafitofpassionatedespair,ItorealmostintwotheanswerIhadwrittentohisproposals.
Iwillseehiminthemorning,becauseIpromisedIwould.ButIwillgoout,andthatwithouthim,oranyattendant.Ifheaccountnottolerablyforhissuddenchangeofbehaviour,andaproperopportunityofferofaprivatelodginginsomecreditablehouse,Iwillnotanymorereturntothis:--atpresentIthinkso.--AndtherewillIeitherattendtheperfectingofyourscheme;or,byyourepistolarymediation,makemyowntermswiththewretch;sinceitisyouropinion,thatImustbehis,andcannothelpmyself:or,perhaps,takearesolutiontothrowmyselfatonceintoLadyBetty'sprotection;andthiswillhinderhimfrommakinghisinsolently-threatenedvisittoHarlowe-place.
[TheLadywritesagainonMondayevening;andgivesherfriendanaccountofallthatpassedbetweenherselfandMr.Lovelacethatday;andofherbeingterrifiedoutofherpurpose,ofgoingout:butMr.Lovelace'snextlettersgivingamoreampleaccountofall,hersareomitted.
Itisproper,however,tomention,thatshere-urgesMissHowe(fromthedissatisfactionshehasreasonforfromwhatpassedbetweenMr.Lovelaceandherself)toperfectherschemeinrelationtoMrs.Townsend.Sheconcludesthisletterinthesewords:]
Ishouldsaysomethingofyourlastfavour(butafewhoursagoreceived)andofyourdialoguewithyourmother--Areyounotverywhimsical,my
dear?Ihavebuttwothingstowishforonthisoccasion.--Theone,thatyourcharmingpleasantryhadabettersubjectthanthatyoufindforitinthisdialogue--theother,thatmysituationwerenotsuch,asmusttoooftendampthatpleasantryinyou,andwillnotpermitmetoenjoyit,asIusedtodo.Be,however,happyinyourself,thoughyoucannotin
YourCLARISSAHARLOWE.
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LETTERXLVII
MR.LOVELACE,TOJOHNBELFORD,ESQ.MONDAYMORNING,MAY22.
Nogenerosityinthislady.Noneatall.Wouldstthounothavethought,thatafterIhadpermittedhertowithdraw,primedformischiefasIwas,shewouldmeetmenextmorningearly;andthatwithasmile;makingmeoneofherbestcourtesies?
Iwasinthedining-roombeforesix,expectingher.Sheopenednotherdoor.Iwentupstairsanddown;andhemm'd;andcalledWill.;calledDorcas;threwthedoorshardto;butstillsheopenednotherdoor.Thustillhalfanhouraftereight,fooledIawaymytime;andthen(breakfastready)IsentDorcastorequesthercompany.
ButIwasastonished,when(followingthewench,asshedidatthefirstinvitation)Isawherenterdressed,allbuthergloves,andthoseandherfaninherhand;inthesamemomentbiddingDorcasdirectWill.togetherachairtothedoor.
Cruelcreature,thoughtI,toexposemethustothederisionofthewomen
below!Goingabroad,Madam!
Iam,Sir.
Ilookedcursedsilly,Iamsure.Youwillbreakfastfirst,Ihope,Madam;andaveryhumblestrain;yetwithanhundredtenderlooksinmyheart.
Hadshegivenmemorenoticeofherintention,IhadperhapswroughtmyselfuptotheframeIwasinthedaybefore,andbegunmyvengeance.Andimmediatelycameintomyheadallthevirulencethathadbeen
transcribedformefromMissHowe'sletters,andinthatletterwhichIhadtranscribedmyself.
Yes,shewoulddrinkonedish;andthenlaidherglovesandfaninthewindowjustby.
Iwasperfectlydisconcerted.Ihemm'd,andwasgoingtospeakseveraltimes;butIknewnotinwhatkey.Who'smodestnow!thoughtI.Who'sinsolentnow!--Howatyrantofawomanconfoundsabashfulman!ShewasactingMissHowe,Ithought;andIthespiritlessHickman.
Atlast,Iwillbegin,thoughtI.
Sheadish--Iadish.
Sip,hereyesherown,she;likeahaughtyandimperioussovereign,consciousofdignity,everylookafavour.
Sip,likehervassal,I;lipsandhandstrembling,andnotknowingthatIsipp'dortasted.
Iwas--Iwas--Isipp'd--(drawinginmybreathandtheliquortogether,thoughIscaldedmymouthwithit)Iwasinhopes,Madam--
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Dorcascameinjustthen.--Dorcas,saidshe,isachairgonefor?
Damn'dimpertinence,thoughtI,thustoputmeoutinmyspeech!AndIwasforcedtowaitfortheservant'sanswertotheinsolentmistress'squestion.
Williamisgoneforone,Madam.
Thiscostmeaminute'ssilencebeforeIcouldbeginagain.Andthenitwaswithmyhopes,andmyhopes,andmyhopes,thatIshouldhavebeenearlyadmittedto--
Whatweatherisit,Dorcas?saidshe,asregardlessofmeasifIhadnotbeenpresent.
Alittlelowering,Madam--Thesunisgonein--itwasveryfinehalfanhourago.
Ihadnopatience.UpIrose.Downwentthetea-cup,saucerandall--Confoundtheweather,thesunshine,andthewench!--Begoneforadevil,whenIamspeakingtoyourlady,andhavesolittleopportunitygivenme.
Uprosethesaucy-face,half-frighted;andsnatchedfromthewindowher
glovesandfan.Youmustnotgo,Madam!--Seizingherhand--bymysoulyoumustnot--
Mustnot,Sir!--ButImust--youcancurseyourmaidinmyabsence,aswellasifIwerepresent----Except--except--youintendforme,whatyoudirecttoher.
Dearestcreature,youmustnotgo--youmustnotleaveme--Suchdeterminedscorn!suchcontempts!--Questionsaskedyourservantofnomeaningbuttobreakinuponme--Icannotbearit!
Detainmenot[struggling.]Iwillnotbewithheld.Ilikeyounot,nor
yourways.Yousoughttoquarrelwithmeyesterday,fornoreasonintheworldthatIcanthinkof,butbecauseIwastooobliging.Youareanungratefulman;andIhateyouwithmywholeheart,Mr.Lovelace!
Donotmakemedesperate,Madam.Permitmetosay,thatyoushallnotleavemeinthishumour.Whereveryougo,Iwillattendyou.HadMissHowebeenmyfriend,Ihadnotbeenthustreated.Itisbuttooplaintowhommydifficultiesareowing.Ihavelongobserved,thateveryletteryoureceivedfromher,makesanalterationinyourbehaviourtome.Shewouldhaveyoutreatme,asshetreatsMr.Hickman,Isuppose:butneitherdoesthattreatmentbecomeyouradmirabletempertooffer,normetoreceive.
Thisstartledher.ShedidnotcaretohavemethinkhardlyofMissHowe.
Butrecollectingherself,MissHowe,saidshe,isafriendtovirtue,andtogoodmen.Ifshelikenotyou,itisbecauseyouarenotoneofthose.
Yes,Madam;andthereforetospeakofMr.Hickmanandmyself,asyouboth,Isuppose,thinkofeach,shetreatshimasshewouldnottreataLovelace.--Ichallengeyou,Madam,toshewmebutoneofthemanyletters
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youhavereceivedfromher,whereIammentioned.
MissHoweisjust;MissHoweisgood,repliedshe.Shewrites,shespeaks,ofeverybodyastheydeserve.Ifyoupointmeoutbutanyoneoccasion,uponwhichyouhavereasontobuildamerittoyourself,aseitherjustorgood,orevengenerous,Iwilllookoutforherletteronthatoccasion[ifsuchanoccasiontherebe,Ihavecertainlyacquaintedherwithit];andwillengageitshallbeinyourfavour.
Devilishsevere!Andasindelicateassevere,toputamodishmanuponhuntingbackwardafterhisownmerits.
Shewouldhaveflungfromme:Iwillnotbedetained,Mr.Lovelace.Iwillgoout.
Indeedyoumustnot,Madam,inthishumour.AndIplacedmyselfbetweenherandthedoor.----Andthen,fanning,shethrewherselfintoachair,hersweetfaceallcrimsonedoverwithpassion.
Icastmyselfatherfeet.--Begone,Mr.Lovelace,saidshe,witharejectingmotion,herfaninherhand;foryourownsakeleaveme!--Mysoulisabovethee,man!withbothherhandspushingmefromher!--Urgemenottotellthee,howsincerelyIthinkmysoulabovethee!--Thouhast,inmine,aproud,atooproudhearttocontendwith!--Leaveme,and
leavemeforever!--Thouhasaproudhearttocontendwith!Herair,hermanner,hervoice,werebewitchinglynoble,thoughherwordsweresosevere.
Letmeworshipanangel,saidI,nowoman.Forgiveme,dearestcreature!--creatureifyoube,forgiveme!--forgivemyinadvertencies!--forgivemyinequalities!--pitymyinfirmities!--WhoisequaltomyClarissa?
Itrembledbetweenadmirationandlove;andwraptmyarmsaboutherknees,asshesat.Shetriedtoriseatthemoment;butmyclaspingroundherthusardently,drewherdownagain;andneverwaswomanmoreaffrighted.Butfreeasmyclaspingemotionmightappeartoher
apprehensiveheart,Ihadnot,attheinstant,anythoughtbutwhatreverenceinspired.Andtillshehadactuallywithdrawn[whichIpermittedunderpromiseofaspeedyreturn,andonherconsenttodismissthechair]allthemotionsofmyheartwereaspureasherown.
Shekeptnotherword.AnhourIwaitedbeforeIsenttoclaimherpromise.Shecouldnotpossiblyseemeyet,washeranswer.Assoonasshecould,shewould.
Dorcassays,shestillexcessivelytrembled;andorderedhertogiveherhartshornandwater.
Astrangeapprehensivecreature!Herterroristoogreatforthe
occasion.Evilsareoftengreaterinapprehensionthaninreality.Hastthouneverobserved,thattheterrorsofabirdcaught,andactuallyinthehand,bearnocomparisontowhatwemighthavesupposedthoseterrorswouldbe,werewetohaveformedajudgmentofthesamebirdbyitsshynessbeforeitwastaken?
Dearcreature!--Didsheneverromp?Didshenever,fromgirlhoodtonow,hoyden?Theinnocentkindsoffreedomtakenandallowedontheseoccasions,wouldhavefamiliarizedhertogreater.Sacrilegebuttotouchthehemofhergarment!--Excessofdelicacy!--Otheconsecrated
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beauty!Howcanshethinktobeawife?
ButhowdoIknowtillItry,whethershemaynotbyalessalarmingtreatmentbeprevailedupon,orwhether[day,Ihavedonewiththee!]shemaynotyieldtonightlysurprises?Thisisstilltheburdenofmysong,IcanmarryherwhenIwill.AndifIdo,afterprevailing(whetherbysurprise,orbyreluctantconsent)whombutmyselfshallIhaveinjured?
***
Itisnoweleveno'clock.Shewillseemeassoonasshecan,shetellsPollyHorton,whomadeheratendervisit,andtowhomsheislessreservedthantoanybodyelse.Heremotion,sheassuresher,wasnotowingtoperverseness,tonicety,toillhumour;buttoweaknessofheart.Shehasnotstrengthofmindsufficient,shesays,toenablehertosupporthercondition.
Yetwhatacontradiction!--Weaknessofheart,saysshe,withsuchastrengthofwill!--OBelford!sheisalion-heartedlady,ineverycasewhereherhonour,herpunctiliorather,callsforspirit.ButIhavehadreasonmorethanonceinhercase,toconclude,thatthepassionsofthegentle,slowertobemovedthanthoseofthequick,arethemostflaming,
themostirresistible,whenraised.--Yethercharmingbodyisnotequallyorganized.Theunequalpartnerspulltwoways;andthedivinitywithinhertearshersilkenframe.Buthadthesamesoulinformedamasculinebody,neverwouldtherehavebeenatruerhero.
MONDAY,TWOO'CLOCK.
Notyetvisible!--Mybelovedisnotwell.Whatexpectationshadshefrommyardentadmirationofher!--Morerudenessthanrevengeapprehended.Yet,howmysoulthirstsforrevengeuponboththeseladies?Imusthaverecoursetomymaster-strokes.ThiscursedprojectofMissHoweandherMrs.Townsend(ifIcannotcontrivetrenderitabortive)willbealways
aswordhangingovermyhead.Uponeverylittledisobligationsmybelovedwillbefortakingwing;andthepainsIhavetakentodepriveherofeveryotherrefugeorprotection,inordertomakeherabsolutelydependentuponme,willbeallthrownaway.ButperhapsIshallfindoutasmugglertocounterplotMissHowe.
ThouremembrestthecontentionbetweentheSunandtheNorth-wind,inthefable;whichshouldfirstmakeanhonesttravellerthrowoffhiscloak.
Boreasbeganfirst.Hepuffedawaymostvehemently;andoftenmadethepoorfellowcurveandstagger;butwithnoothereffect,thantocausehimtowraphissurtoutthecloserabouthim.
ButwhenitcametoPhoebus'sturn,hesoplayeduponthetravellerwithhisbeams,thathemadehimfirstunbutton,andthenthrowitquiteoff:--Norlefthe,tillheobligedhimtotaketothefriendlyshadeofaspreadingbeech;where,prostratinghimselfonthethrown-offcloak,hetookacomfortablenap.
Thevictor-godthenlaughedoutright,bothatBoreasandthetraveller,andpursuedhisradiantcourse,shiningupon,andwarmingandcherishingathousandnewobjects,ashedancedalong:andatnight,whenheputuphisfierycoursers,hedivertedhisThetiswiththerelationofhis
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pranksinthepassedday.
I,inlikemanner,willdiscardallmyboisterousinventions:andifIcanobligemysweettravellertothrowaside,butforonemoment,thecloakofherrigidvirtue,Ishallhavenothingtodo,but,likethesun,toblessnewobjectswithmyrays.Butmychosenhoursofconversationandrepose,afterallmyperegrinations,willbedevotedtomygoddess.
***
Andnow,Belford,accordingtomynewsystem,IthinkthishouseofMrs.Fretchvilleanembarrassuponme.Iwillgetridofit;forsometimeatleast.Mennell,whenIamout,shallcometoher,inquiringforme.Whatfor?thou'ltask.Whatfor--hastthounotheardwhathasbefallenpoorMrs.Fretchville?--ThenI'lltellthee.
Oneofhermaids,aboutaweekago,wastakenwiththesmall-pox.TherestkepttheirmistressignorantofittillFriday;andthenshecametoknowofitbyaccident.Thegreaterhalfoftheplaguespoormortalsofconditionaretormentedwith,proceedfromtheservantstheytake,partlyforshow,partlyforuse,andwithaviewtolessentheircares.
Thishassoterrifiedthewidow,thatsheistakenwithallthesymptomsthatthreatenanattackfromthatdreadfulenemyoffairfaces.--Somustnotthinkofremoving:yetcannotexpect,thatweshouldbefurtherdelayedonheraccount.
Shenowwishes,withallherheart,thatshehadknownherownmind,andgoneintothecountryatfirstwhenItreatedaboutthehouse.Thisevilthenhadnothappened!acursedcrossaccidentforus,too!--Heigh-ho!nothingelse,Ithink,inthismortallife!peopleneednotstudytobringcrossesuponthemselvesbytheirpetulancies.
Sothisaffairofthehousewillbeover;atleastforonewhile.ButthenIcanfalluponanexpedientwhichwillmakeamendsforthis
disappointment.Imustmoveslow,inordertobesure.Ihaveacharmingcontrivanceortwoinmyhead,evensupposingmybelovedshouldgetaway,tobringherbackagain.
ButwhatisbecomeofLordM.Itrow,thathewritesnottome,inanswertomyinvitation?IfhewouldsendmesuchaletterasIcouldshow,itmightgoagreatwaytowardsaperfectreconciliation.IhavewrittentoCharlotteaboutit.Heshallsoonhearfromme,andthatinawayhewon'tlike,ifhewritesnotquickly.Hehassometimesthreatenedtodisinheritme.ButifIshouldrenouncehim,itwouldbebutjustice,andwouldvexhimtentimesmorethananythinghecandowillvexme.Then,thesettlementsunavoidablydelayed,byhisneglect!--HowshallIbearsuchalifeofprocrastination!--I,who,astomywill,and
impatience,andsoforth,amofthetruelady-make,andcanaslittlebearcontroulanddisappointmentasthebestofthem!
***
AnotherletterfromMissHowe.IsupposeitisthatwhichshepromisesinherlasttosendherrelatingtothecourtshipbetweenoldTonytheuncle,andAnnabellathemother.Ishouldbeextremelyrejoicedtosee
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it.Nomoreofthesmuggler-plotinit,surely!Thisletter,itseems,shehasputinherpocket.ButIhopeIshallsoonfinditdepositedwiththerest.
MONDAYMORNING.
Atmyrepeatedrequestshecondescendedtomeetmeinthedining-roomtoafternoon-tea,andnotbefore.
Sheenteredwithbashfulness,asIthought;inaprettyconfusion,forhavingcarriedherapprehensionstoofar.Sullenandslowmovedshetowardsthetea-table.--Dorcaspresent,busyintea-cuppreparations.Itookherreluctanthand,andpressedittomylips.--Dearest,loveliestofcreatures,whythisdistance?whythisdispleasure?--Howcanyouthustorturethefaithfullestheartintheworld?
Shedisengagedherhand.AgainIwouldhavesnatchedit.
Bequiet,[peevishlywithdrawingit.]Anddownshesat;agentlepalpitationinthebeautyofbeautiesindicatingamingledsullennessandresentment;hersnowyhandkerchiefrisingandfalling,andasweetflushoverspreadinghercharmingcheeks.
ForGod'ssake,Madam!--[AndathirdtimeIwouldhavetakenherrepulsinghand.]
Andforthesamesake,Sir,nomoreteasing.
Dorcasretired;Idrewmychairnearerher's,andwiththemostrespectfultendernesstookherhand;andtoldher,thatIcouldnotforbeartoexpressmyapprehensions(fromthedistanceshewassodesiroustokeepmeat)thatifanymanintheworldwasmoreindifferenttoher,tousenoharsherword,thananother,itwastheunhappywretchbeforeher.
Shelookedsteadilyuponmeforamoment,andwithherotherhand,not
withdrawingthatIheld,pulledherhandkerchiefoutofherpocket;andbyatwinklingmotionurgedforwardatearortwo,whichhavingarisenineachsweeteye,itwasplainbythatmotionshewouldratherhavedissipated:butansweredmeonlywithasigh,andanavertedface.
Iurgedhertospeak;tolookupatme;toblessmewithaneyemorefavourable.
Ihadreason,shetoldme,formycomplaintofherindifference.Shesawnothinginmymindthatwasgenerous.Iwasnotamantobeobligedorfavoured.MystrangebehaviourtohersinceSaturdaynight,fornocauseatallthatsheknewof,convincedherofthis.Whateverhopesshehadconceivedofmewereutterlydissipated:allmywaysweredisgustfulto
her.
Thiscutmetotheheart.Theguilty,Ibelieve,ineverycase,lesspatientlybearthedetectingtruth,thantheinnocentdothedegradingfalshood.
Ibespokeherpatience,whileItookthelibertytoaccountforthischangeonmypart.--Ire-acknowledgedtheprideofmyheart,whichcouldnotbearthethoughtofthatwantofpreferenceintheheartofaladywhomIhopedtocallmine,whichshehadalwaysmanifested.Marriage,I
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said,wasastatethatwasnottobeentereduponwithindifferenceoneitherside.
Itisinsolence,interruptedshe,itisapresumption,Sir,toexpecttokensofvalue,withoutresolvingtodeservethem.Youhavenowhiningcreaturebeforeyou,Mr.Lovelace,overcomebyweakmotives,tolovewherethereisnomerit.MissHowecantellyou,Sir,thatIneverlovedthefaultsofmyfriend;noreverwishedhertolovemeformine.Itwasarulewithusnottospareeachother.Andwouldamanwhohasnothingbutfaults(forpray,Sir,whatareyourvirtues?)expectthatIshouldshowavalueforhim?Indeed,ifIdid,Ishouldnotdeserveevenhisvalue;butoughttobedespisedbyhim.
Wellhaveyou,Madam,keptuptothisnoblemannerofthinking.Youareinnodangerofbeingdespisedforanymarksoftendernessorfavourshowntothemanbeforeyou.Youhavebeenperhaps,you'llthink,laudablystudiousofmakingandtakingoccasionstodeclare,thatitwasfarfrombeingowingtoyourchoice,thatyouhadanythoughtsofme.Mywholesoul,Madam,inallitserrors,inallitswishes,inallitsviews,hadbeenlaidopenandnakedbeforeyou,hadIbeenencouragedbysuchashareinyourconfidenceandesteem,aswouldhavesecuredmeagainstyourapprehendedworstconstructionsofwhatIshouldfromtimetotimehaverevealedtoyou,andconsultedyouupon.Forneverwasthereafrankerheart;noramansoreadytoaccusehimself.[This,
Belford,istrue.]Butyouknow,Madam,howmuchotherwiseithasbeenbetweenus.--Doubt,distance,reserve,onyourpart,begatdoubt,fear,awe,onmine.--Howlittleconfidence!asifweapprehendedeachothertobeaplotterratherthanalover.HowhaveIdreadedeveryletterthathasbeenbroughtyoufromWilson's!--andwithreason:sincethelast,fromwhichIexpectedsomuch,onaccountoftheproposalsIhadmadeyouinwriting,has,ifImayjudgebytheeffects,andbyyourdenialofseeingmeyesterday,(thoughyoucouldgoabroad,andinachairtoo,toavoidmyattendanceonyou,)setyouagainstmemorethanever.
Iwasguilty,itseems,ofgoingtochurch,saidtheindignantcharmer;andwithoutthecompanyofaman,whosechoiceitwouldnothavebeentogo,hadInotgone--IwasguiltyofdesiringtohavethewholeSundayto
myself,afterIhadobligedyou,againstmywill,ataplay;andafteryouhaddetainedme(equallytomydislike)toaverylatehourover-night.--Theseweremyfaults:fortheseIwastobepunished:Iwastobecompelledtoseeyou,andtobeterrifiedwhenIdidseeyou,bythemostshockingillhumourthatwasevershowntoacreatureinmycircumstances,andnotboundtobearit.Youhavepretendedtofindfreefaultwithmyfather'stemper,Mr.Lovelace:buttheworstthatheevershowedaftermarriage,wasnotintheleasttobecomparedtowhatyouhaveshowntwentytimesbeforehand.--Andwhataremyprospectswithyou,attheverybest?--Myindignationrisesagainstyou,Mr.Lovelace,whileIspeaktoyou,whenIrecollectthemanyinstances,equallyungenerousandunpolite,ofyourbehaviourtoonewhomyouhavebroughtintodistress--andIcanhardlybearyouinmysight.
Sheturnedfromme,standingup;and,liftingupherfoldedhands,andcharmingeyesswimmingintears,Omyfather,saidtheinimitablecreature,youmighthavesparedyourheavycurse,hadyouknownhowIhavebeenpunishedeversincemyswervingfeetledmeoutofyourgarden-doorstomeetthisman!--Then,sinkingintoherchair,aburstofpassionatetearsforcedtheirwaydownherglowingcheeks.
Mydearestlife,[takingherstillfoldedhandsinmine,]whocanbearaninvocationsoaffecting,thoughsopassionate?
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And,asIhopetolive,mynosetingled,asIonce,whenaboy,rememberitdid(andindeedoncemoreverylately)justbeforesometearscameintomyeyes;andIdursthardlytrustmyfaceinviewofher's.
WhathaveIdonetodeservethisimpatientexclamation?--HaveI,atanytime,byword,bydeeds,bylooks,givenyoucausetodoubtmyhonour,myreverence,myadoration,Imaycallit,ofyourvirtues?Allisowingtomisapprehension,Ihope,onbothsides.Condescendtoclearupbutyourpart,asIwillmine,andallmustspeedilybehappy.--WouldtoHeavenIlovedthatHeavenasIloveyou!andyet,ifIdoubtedareturninlove,letmeperishifIshouldknowhowtowishyoumine!--Givemehope,dearestcreature,givemebuthope,thatIamyourpreferablechoice!--Givemebuthope,thatyouhatemenot:thatyoudonotdespiseme.
OMr.Lovelace,wehavebeenlongenoughtogethertobetiredofeachother'shumoursandways;waysandhumourssodifferent,thatperhapsyououghttodislikeme,asmuchasIdoyou.--Ithink,Ithink,thatIcannotmakeananswerablereturntothevalueyouprofessforme.Mytemperisutterlyruined.Youhavegivenmeanillopinionofallmankind;ofyourselfinparticular:andwithalsobadaoneofmyself,thatIshallneverbeabletolookup,havingutterlyandforeverlostallthatself-complacency,andconsciouspride,whicharesonecessarytocarryawomanthroughthislifewithtolerablesatisfactiontoherself.
Shepaused.Iwassilent.Bymysoul,thoughtI,thissweetcreaturewillatlastundome!
Sheproceeded:Whatnowremains,butthatyoupronouncemefreeofallobligationtoyou?andthatyouhindermenotfrompursuingthedestinythatshallbeallottedme?
Againshepaused.Iwasstillsilent;meditatingwhethertorenounceallfurtherdesignsuponher;whetherIhadnotreceivedsufficientevidenceofavirtue,andofagreatnessofsoul,thatcouldnotbequestionedorimpeached.
Shewenton:Propitioustomebeyoursilence,Mr.Lovelace!--Tellme,thatIamfreeofallobligationtoyou.Youknow,Inevermadeyoupromises.Youknow,thatyouarenotunderanytome.--MybrokenfortunesImatternot--
Shewasproceeding--Mydearestlife,saidI,Ihavebeenallthistime,thoughyoufillmewithdoubtsofyourfavour,busyinthenuptialpreparations.Iamactuallyintreatyforequipage.
Equipage,Sir!--Trappings,tinsel!--Whatisequipage;whatislife;whatisanything;toacreaturesunksolowasIaminmyownopinion!--Labouringunderafather'scurse!--Unabletolookbackwardwithoutself-reproach,orforwardwithoutterror!--Thesereflectionsstrengthenedby
everycrossaccident!--Andwhatbutcrossaccidentsbefalme!--Allmydarlingschemesdashedinpieces,allmyhopesatanend;denymenotthelibertytorefugemyselfinsomeobscurecorner,whereneithertheenemiesyouhavemademe,northefewfriendsyouhaveleftme,mayeverhearofthesupposedrash-one,tillthosehappymomentsareathand,whichshallexpiateforall!
Ihadnotawordtosayformyself.SuchawarinmymindhadIneverknown.Gratitude,andadmirationoftheexcellentcreaturebeforeme,combatingwithvillanoushabit,withresolutionssopremeditatedlymade,
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Vileman--Anddoyou--Andthereagainshestopt.
DoIwhat,Madam?--Andwhyvileman?
Howdareyoucurseanybodyinmypresence?
Othesweetreceder!ButthatwasnottogooffsowithaLovelace.
Whythen,dearestcreature,isthereanybodythatinstigatesyou?--Iftherebe,againIcursethem,betheywhomtheywill.
Shewasinacharmingprettypassion.AndthiswasthefirsttimethatIhadtheoddsinmyfavour.
Well,Madam,itisjustasIthought.AndnowIknowhowtoaccountforatemperthatIhopeisnotnaturaltoyou.
Artfulwretch!andisitthusyouwouldentrapme?Butknow,Sir,thatIreceivedlettersfromnobodybutMissHowe.MissHowelikessomeofyourwaysaslittleasIdo;forIhaveseteverythingbeforeher.Yetsheisthusfaryourenemy,assheismine.ShethinksIcouldnotrefuseyouroffers;butendeavourtomakethebestofmylot.Andnowyouhavethetruth.Wouldtoheavenyouwerecapableofdealingwithequal
sincerity!Iam,Madam.Andhere,onmyknee,Irenewmyvows,andmysupplication,thatyouwillmakemeyour's.Your'sforever.AndletmehavecausetoblessyouandMissHoweinthesamebreath.
Tosaythetruth,Belford,Ihadbeforebeguntothinkthatthevixenofagirl,whocertainlylikesnotHickman,wasinlovewithme.
Rise,Sir,fromyourtoo-readyknees;andmockmenot!
Too-readyknees,thoughtI!Thoughthishumbleposturesolittleaffectsthisproudbeauty,sheknowsnothowmuchIhaveobtainedofothersof
hersex,norhowoftenIhavebeenforgivenforthelastattempts,bykneeling.
Mockyou,Madam!AndIarose,andre-urgedherfortheday.Iblamedmyself,atthesametime,fortheinvitationIhadgiventoLordM.,asitmightsubjectmetodelayfromhisinfirmities:buttoldher,thatIwouldwritetohimtoexcuseme,ifshehadnoobjection;ortogivehimthedayshewouldgiveme,andnotwaitforhim,ifhecouldnotcomeintime.
Myday,Sir,saidshe,isnever.Benotsurprised.Apersonofpolitenessjudgingbetweenus,wouldnotbesurprisedthatIsayso.Butindeed,Mr.Lovelace,[andweptthroughimpatience,]youeitherknownot
howtotreatwithamindoftheleastdegreeofdelicacy,notwithstandingyourbirthandeducation,oryouareanungratefulman;and[afterapause]aworsethanungratefulone.ButIwillretire.Iwillseeyouagainto-morrow.Icannotbefore.IthinkIhateyou.Andif,uponare-examinationofmyownheart,IfindIdo,Iwouldnotfortheworldthatmattersshouldgoonfartherbetweenus.
ButIsee,Isee,shedoesnothateme!Howitwouldmortifymyvanity,ifIthoughttherewasawomanintheworld,muchmorethis,thatcouldhateme!'Tisevident,villainasshethinksme,thatIshouldnotbean
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odiousvillain,ifIcouldbutatlastinoneinstanceceasetobeavillain!Shecouldnotholdit,determinedasshehadthoughtherself,Isawbyhereyes,themomentIendeavouredtodissipateherapprehensions,onmytoo-readyknees,asshecallsthem.Themomenttheroughcoveringmyteasingbehaviourhasthrownoverheraffectionsisquiteremoved,Idoubtnottofindallsilkandsilveratthebottom,allsoft,bright,andcharming.
Iwashowevertoomuchvexed,disconcerted,mortified,tohinderherfromretiring.Andyetshehadnotgone,ifDorcashadnotcoughed.
Thewenchcamein,assoonasherladyhadretired,andgavemethecopyshehadtaken.Andwhatshoulditbebutoftheanswerthetrulyadmirablecreaturehadintendedtogivetomywrittenproposalsinrelationtosettlements?
Ihavebutjustdiptmypenintothisaffectingpaper.WereItoreaditattentively,notawinkshouldIsleepthisnight.To-morrowitshallobtainmyseriousconsideration.
LETTERXLVIII
MR.LOVELACE,TOJOHNBELFORD,ESQ.TUESDAYMORNING,MAY23.
Thedearcreaturedesirestobeexcusedseeingmetillevening.Sheisnotverywell,asDorcastellsme.
Readhere,ifthouwilt,thepapertranscribedbyDorcas.ItisimpossiblethatIshouldproceedwithmyprojectsagainstthisadmirablewoman,wereitnotthatIamresolved,afterafewtrialsmore,ifasnoblysustainedasthoseshehaspassedthrough,tomakeher(ifshereallyhatemenot)legallymine.
TOMR.LOVELACE
'Whenawomanismarried,thatsupremeearthlyobligationrequires,thatinallinstances,whereherhusband'srealhonourisconcerned,sheshouldyieldherownwilltohis.But,beforehand,Icouldbeglad,conformablytowhatIhavealwayssignified,tohavethemostexplicitassurances,thateverypossiblewayshouldbetriedtoavoidlitigationwithmyfather.Timeandpatiencewillsubdueallthings.Myprospectsofhappinessareextremelycontracted.Ahusband'srightwillbealwaysthesame.InmylifetimeIcouldwishnothingtobedoneofthissort.Yourcircumstances,Sir,willnotobligeyoutoextortviolentlyfromhimwhatisinhishands.Allthatdependsuponme,eitherwithregardtomy
person,tomydiversions,ortotheeconomythatnomarriedwoman,ofwhateverrankorquality,shouldbeaboveinspecting,shallbedone,topreventanecessityforsuchmeasuresbeingtaken.Andiftherewillbenonecessityforthem,itistobehopedthatmotiveslessexcusablewillnothaveforce--motiveswhichmustbefoundedinalittlenessofmind,whichawoman,whohasnotthatlittlenessofmind,willbeundersuchtemptations,asherdutywillhardlybeableatalltimestocheck,todespiseherhusbandforhaving;especiallyincaseswhereherownfamily,somuchapartofherself,andwhichwillhaveobligationsuponher(thoughthenbutsecondaryones)fromwhichshecanneverbefreed,is
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intimatelyconcerned.
'Thisarticle,then,Iurgetoyourmostseriousconsideration,aswhatliesnextmyheart.Ienternothereminutelyintothefatalmisunderstandingbetweenthemandyou:thefaultmaybeinboth.But,Sir,your'swasthefoundation-fault:atleast,yougaveatoo-plausiblepretenceformybrother'santipathytoworkupon.Condescensionwasnopartofyourstudy.Youchosetobeartheimputationslaidtoyourcharge,ratherthantomakeityourendeavourtoobviatethem.
'Butthismayleadintohatefulrecrimination.--Letitberemembered,Iwillonlysay,inthisplace,that,intheireye,youhaverobbedthemofadaughtertheydoatedupon;andthattheirresentmentsonthisoccasionrisebutinproportiontotheirloveandtheirdisappointment.Iftheywerefaultyinsomeofthemeasurestheytook,whiletheythemselvesdidnotthinkso,whoshalljudgeforthem?You,Sir,whowilljudgeeverybodyasyouplease,andwillletnobodyjudgeyouinyourownparticular,mustnotbetheirjudge.--Itmaythereforebeexpectedthattheywillstandout.
'Asformyself,Sir,Imustleaveit(soseemsittobedestined)toyourjustice,totreatmeasyoushallthinkIdeserve:but,ifyourfuturebehaviourtothemisnotgovernedbythatharsh-soundingimplacableness,whichyouchargeuponsomeoftheirtempers,thesplendourofyour
family,andtheexcellentcharacterofsomeofthem(ofallindeed,unlessyourownconsciencefurnishesyouwithoneonlyexception)will,onbetterconsideration,doeverythingwiththem:fortheymaybeovercome;perhaps,however,withthemoredifficulty,asthegreatlyprosperouslessbearcontroulanddisappointmentthanothers:forIwillowntoyou,thatIhaveofteninsecretlamented,thattheirgreatacquirementshavebeenasnaretothem;perhapsasgreatasnare,assomeotheraccidentalshavebeentoyou;whichbeinglessimmediatelyyourowngifts,youhavestilllessreasonthantheytovalueyourselfuponthem.
'Letmeonly,onthissubject,furtherobserve,thatcondescensionisnotmeanness.Thereisagloryinyielding,thathardlyanyviolentspiritcanjudgeof.Mybrother,perhaps,isnomoresensibleofthisthanyou.
Butasyouhavetalents,whichhehasnot,(who,however,has,asIhope,thatregardformorals,thewantofwhichmakesoneofhisobjectionstoyou,)Icouldwishitmaynotbeowingtoyou,thatyourmutualdislikestoeachotherdonotsubside!foritismyearnesthope,thatintimeyoumayseeeachother,withoutexcitingthefearsofawifeandasisterfortheconsequence.NotthatIshouldwishyoutoyieldinpointsthattrulyconcernedyourhonour:no,Sir;Iwouldbeasdelicateinsuch,asyouyourself:moredelicate,Iwillventuretosay,becausemoreuniformlyso.Howvain,howcontemptible,isthatpride,whichshowsitselfinstandingupondiminutiveobservances;andgivesup,andmakesajestof,themostimportantduties!
'ThisarticlebeingconsideredasIwish,alltherestwillbeeasy.
WereItoacceptofthehandsomeseparateprovisionyouseemtointendme;addedtotheconsideratesumsarisenfrommygrandfather'sestatesincehisdeath(moreconsiderablethanperhapsyoumaysupposefromyouroffer);Ishouldthinkitmydutytolayupforthefamilygood,andforunforseenevents,outofit:for,astomydonations,Iwouldgenerallyconfinemyselfinthemtothetenthofmyincome,beitwhatitwould.IaimatnoglareinwhatIdoofthatsort.AllIwishfor,isthepowerofrelievingthelame,theblind,thesick,andtheindustriouspoor,andthosewhomaccidenthasmadeso,orsuddendistressreduced.ThecommonorbredbeggarsIleavetoothers,andtothepublicprovision.They
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cannotbelower:perhapstheywishnottobehigher:and,notabletodoforeveryone,Iaimnotatworksofsupererogation.TwohundredpoundsayearwoulddoallIwishtodooftheseparatesort:forallabove,Iwouldcontentmyselftoaskyou;except,mistrustingyourowneconomy,youwouldgiveuptomymanagementandkeeping,inordertoprovideforfuturecontingencies,alargerportion;forwhich,asyoursteward,Iwouldregularlyaccount.
'Astoclothes,Ihaveparticularlytwosuits,which,havingbeenonlyinamannertriedon,wouldanswerforanypresentoccasion.JewelsIhaveofmygrandmother's,whichwantonlynew-setting:anothersetIhave,whichonparticulardaysIusedtowear.Althoughthesearenotsentme,Ihavenodoubt,beingmerelypersonals,buttheywill,whenIshouldsendfortheminanothername:tillwhenIshouldnotchoosetowearany.
'Astoyourcomplaintsofmydiffidences,andthelike,Iappealtoyourownheart,ifitbepossibleforyoutomakemycaseyourownforonemoment,andtoretrospectsomepartsofyourbehaviour,words,andactions,whetherIamnotrathertobejustifiedthancensured:andwhether,ofallthemenintheworld,avowingwhatyouavow,yououghtnottothinkso.Ifyoudonot,letmeadmonishyou,Sir,fromtheverygreatmismatchthatthenmustappeartobeinourminds,nevertoseek,norsomuchastowish,tobringaboutthemostintimateunionofinterestsbetweenyourselfand
CLARISSAHARLOWE.MAY20.'
***
Theoriginalofthischarmingpaper,asDorcastellsme,wastornalmostintwo.Inoneofherpets,Isuppose!Whatbusinesshavethesex,whoseprincipalgloryismeekness,andpatience,andresignation,tobeinapassion,Itrow?--Willnotshewhoallowsherselfsuchlibertiesasamaidentakegreaterwhenmarried?
Andawifetobeinapassion!--Letmetelltheladies,itisanimpudentthing,beggingtheirpardon,andasimprudentasimpudent,forawifetobeinapassion,ifshemeannoteternalseparation,orwickeddefiance,byit:Forisitnotrejectingatonceallthatexpostulatorymeekness,andgentlereasoning,mingledwithsighsasgentle,andgracedwithbentknees,supplicatinghands,andeyeslifteduptoyourimperialcountenance,justrunningover,thatyoushouldmakeareconciliationspeedy,andaslastingasspeedy?Evensupposethehusbandisinthewrong,willnotthisbeingsogivethegreaterforcetoherexpostulation?
NowIthinkofit,amanshouldbeinthewrongnow-and-then,tomakehis
wifeshine.MissHowetellsmycharmer,thatadversityishershining-time.'Tisagenerousthinginamantomakehiswifeshineathisownexpense:togiveherleavetotriumphoverhimbypatientreasoning:forwerehetobetooimperialtoacknowledgehisfaultonthespot,shewillfindthebenefitofherdutyandsubmissioninfuture,andinthehighopinionhewillconceiveofherprudenceandobligingness--andso,bydegrees,shewillbecomehermaster'smaster.
Butforawifetocomeupwithkemboedarm,theotherhandthrownout,perhapswithapointingfinger--Lookyehere,Sir!--Takenotice!--Ifyou
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arewrong,I'llbewrong!--Ifyouareinapassion,I'llbeinapassion!--Rebuff,forrebuff,Sir!--Ifyoufly,I'lltear!--Ifyouswear,I'llcurse!--Andthesameroom,andthesamebed,shallnotholdus,Sir!-For,remember,Iammarried,Sir!--Iamawife,Sir!--Youcan'thelpyourself,Sir!--Yourhonour,aswellasyourpeace,isinmykeeping!And,ifyoulikenotthistreatment,youmayhaveworse,Sir!
Ah!Jack!Jack!Whatman,whohasobservedthesethings,eitherimpliedorexpressed,inotherfamilies,wouldwishtobeahusband!
Dorcasfoundthispaperinoneofthedrawersofherlady'sdressing-table.Shewasreperusingit,asshesupposes,whenthehonestwenchcarriedmymessagetodesirehertofavourmeatthetea-table;forshesawherpopapaperintothedrawerasshecamein;andthere,onhermistress'sgoingtomeetmeinthedining-room,shefoundit;andtobethis.
ButIhadbetternottohavehadacopyofit,asfarasIknow:for,determinedasIwasbeforeuponmyoperations,itinstantlyturnedallmyresolutionsinherfavour.YetIwouldgivesomethingtobeconvincedthatshedidnotpopitintoherdrawerbeforethewench,inorderformetoseeit;andperhaps(ifIweretotakenoticeofit)todiscoverwhetherDorcas,accordingtoMissHowe'sadvice,weremostmyfriend,orher's.
Theverysuspicionofthiswilldohernogood:forIcannotbeartobeartfullydealtwith.Peoplelovetoenjoytheirownpeculiartalentsinmonopoly,asargumentsagainstmeinherbehalf.ButIknowevertittlethoucanstsayuponit.Sparethereforethywamblingnonsense,Idesirethee;andleavethissweetexcellenceandmetoourfate:thatwilldetermineforus,asitshallpleaseitself:forasCowleysays,
Anunseenhandmakesallourmoves:Andsomearegreat,andsomearesmall;Someclimbtogood,somefromgreatfortunesfall:Somewisemen,andsomefoolswecall:Figures,alas!ofspeech!--Fordestinyplaysusall.
But,afterall,Iamsorry,almostsorry(forhowshallIdotobequitesorry,whenitisnotgiventometobeso?)thatIcannot,untilIhavemadefurthertrials,resolveuponwedlock.
Ihavejustreadoveragainthisintendedanswertomyproposals:andhowIadoreherforit!
Butyet;anotheryet!--Shehasnotgivenitorsentittome.--Itisnotthereforeheranswer.Itisnotwrittenforme,thoughtome.
Nay,shehasnotintendedtosendittome:shehaseventornit,perhapswithindignation,asthinkingittoogoodforme.Bythisactionshe
absolutelyretractsit.Whythendoesmyfoolishfondnessseektoestablishforherthesamemeritinmyheart,asifsheavowedit?Pr'ythee,dearBelford,oncemore,leaveustoourfate;anddonotthouinterposewiththynonsense,toweakenaspiritalreadytoosqueamish,andstrengthenaconsciencethathasdeclareditselfofherparty.
Thenagain,rememberthyrecentdiscoveries,Lovelace!Rememberherindifference,attendedwithalltheappearanceofcontemptandhatred.Viewher,evennow,wraptupinreserveandmystery;meditatingplots,asfarasthouknowest,againstthesovereigntythouhast,byrightof
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conquest,obtainedoverher.Remember,inshort,allthouhastthreatenedtorememberagainstthisinsolentbeauty,whoisarebeltothepowershehaslistedunder.
Butyet,howdostthouproposetosubduethysweetenemy!--Abhorredbeforce,bethenecessityofforce,ifthatcanbeavoided!Thereisnotriumphinforce--noconquestoverthewill--noprevailingbygentledegreesoverthegentlepassions!--forceisthedevil!
Mycursedcharacter,asIhaveoftensaid,wasagainstmeatsettingout--Yetisshenotawoman?CannotIfindoneyieldingorbuthalf-yieldingmoment,ifshedonotabsolutelyhateme?
ButwithwhatcanItempther?--RICHESshewasbornto,anddespises,knowingwhattheyare.JEWELSandornaments,toamindsomuchajewel,andsorichlyset,herworthyconsciousnesswillnotlethervalue.LOVE--ifshebesusceptibleoflove,itseemstobesomuchunderthedirectionofprudence,thatoneunguardedmoment,Ifear,cannotbereasonablyhopedfor:andsomuchVIGILANCE,somuchapprehensiveness,thatherfearsareeveraforehandwithherdangers.ThenherLOVEorVIRTUEseemstobeprinciple,nativeprinciple,or,ifnotnative,sodeeplyrooted,thatitsfibreshavestruckintoherheart,and,asshegrewup,soblendedandtwistedthemselveswiththestringsoflife,thatIdoubtthereisnoseparatingoftheonewithoutcuttingtheothers
asunder.Whatthencanbedonetomakesuchamatchlesscreaturegetoverthefirsttests,inordertoputhertothegrandproof,whetheronceovercome,shewillnotbealwaysovercome?
Ourmotherandhernymphssay,IamaperfectCraven,andnoLovelace:andsoIthink.Butthisisnosimpering,smilingcharmer,asIhavefoundotherstobe,whenIhavetoucheduponaffectingsubjectsatadistance;asonceortwiceIhavetriedtoher,themotherintroducingthem(tomakesexpalliatethefreedomtosex)whenonlywethreetogether.Sheisabovetheaffectationofnotseemingtounderstandyou.Sheshowsbyherdispleasure,andafiercenessnotnaturaltohereye,
thatshejudgesofanimpureheartbyanimpuremouth,anddartsdeadatonceeventheembryohopesofanencroachinglover,howeverdistantlyinsinuated,beforethemeaninghintcandawnintodoubleentendre.
Bymyfaith,Jack,asIsitgazinguponher,mywholesoulinmyeyes,contemplatingherperfections,andthinking,whenIhaveseenhereasyandserene,whatwouldbeherthoughts,didsheknowmyheartaswellasIknowit;whenIbeholdherdisturbedandjealous,andthinkofthejustnessofherapprehensions,andthatshecannotfearsomuchasthereisroomforhertofear;myheartoftenmisgivesme.
Andmust,thinkI,Ocreaturesodivinelyexcellent,andsobelovedofmysoul,thosearms,thoseencirclingarms,thatwouldmakeamonarchhappy,
beusedtorepelbrutalforce;alltheirstrength,unavailinglyperhaps,exertedtorepelit,andtodefendapersonsodelicatelyframed?Canviolenceenterintotheheartofawretch,whomightentitlehimselftoallherwillingyetvirtuouslove,andmaketheblessingsheaspirethafter,herdutytoconfer?--Begone,villain-purposes!Sinkyealltothehellthatcouldonlyinspireye!AndIamthenreadytothrowmyselfatherfeet,toconfessmyvillainousdesigns,toavowmyrepentance,andputitoutofmypowertoactunworthilybysuchanexcellence.
Howthencomesit,thatallthesecompassionate,and,assomewouldcall
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them,honestsensibilitiesgooff!--Why,MissHowewilltellthee:shesays,Iamthedevil.--Bymyconscience,Ithinkhehasatpresentagreatshareinme.
There'singenuousness!--HowIlaymyselfopentothee!--Butseestthounot,thatthemoreIsayagainstmyself,thelessroomthereisfortheetotakemetotask?--OBelford,Belford!Icannot,cannot(atleastatpresent)Icannotmarry.
Thenherfamily,mybitterenemies--tosuppletothem,orifIdonot,tomakeherasunhappyasshecanbefrommyattempts----
Thendoesshenotlovethemtoomuch,metoolittle?
Shenowseemstodespiseme:MissHowedeclares,thatshereallydoesdespiseme.TobedespisedbyaWIFE--Whatathoughtisthat!--TobeexcelledbyaWIFEtoo,ineverypartofpraise-worthyknowledge!--Totakelessons,totakeinstructions,fromaWIFE!--Morethandespiseme,sheherselfhastakentimetoconsiderwhethershedoesnothateme:--Ihateyou,Lovelace,withmywholeheart,saidshetomebutyesterday!Mysoulisabovethee,man!--UrgemenottotelltheehowsincerelyIthinkmysoulabovethee!--HowpoorindeedwasIthen,eveninmyownheart!--Sovisibleasuperiority,tosoproudaspiritasmine!--Andherefrombelow,fromBELOWindeed!fromthesewomen!Iamsogoadedon----
Yet'tispoortoo,tothinkmyselfamachineinthehandsofsuchwretches.--Iamnomachine.--Lovelace,thouartbasetothyself,buttosupposethyselfamachine.
Buthavinggonethusfar,Ishouldbeunhappy,ifaftermarriage,inthepetulanceofillhumour,Ihadittoreproachmyself,thatIdidnottryhertotheutmost.AndyetIdon'tknowhowitis,butthislady,themomentIcomeintoherpresence,half-assimilatesmetoherownvirtue.--Onceortwice(tosaynothingofhertriumphovermeonSundaynight)Iwasprevailedupontoflustermyself,withanintentiontomakesomeadvances,which,ifobligedtorecede,Imightlayuponraisedspirits:buttheinstantIbeheldher,Iwassoberizedintoaweandreverence:and
themajestyofherevenvisiblepurityfirstdamped,andthenextinguished,mydoubleflame.
Whatasurprisinglypowerfuleffect,somuchandsolonginmypowershe!soinstigatedbysomeofherownsex,andsostimulatedbypassionI!--HowcanthisbeaccountedforinaLovelace!
ButwhataheapofstuffhaveIwritten!--HowhaveIbeenrunawaywith!--Bywhat?--Canstthousaybywhat?--OthoulurkingvarletessCONSCIENCE!--Isitthouthathastthusmademeofpartyagainstmyself?--Howcamestthouin?--Inwhatdisguise,thouegregioushaunterofmymoreagreeablehours?--Standthou,withfate,butneuterinthiscontroversy;and,ifIcannotdocredittohumannature,andtothefemalesex,bybringingdown
suchanangelasthistoclasswithandadornit,(foradornitshedoesinherveryfoibles,)thenIamallyour's,andneverwillresistyoumore.
HereIarose.Ishookmyself.Thewindowwasopen.Alwaysthetroublesomebosom-visiter,theintruder,isflown.--Iseeityet!--Andnowitlessenstomyachingeye!--Andnowthecleftairisclosedafterit,anditisoutofsight!--andoncemoreIam
ROBERTLOVELACE.
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LETTERXLIX
MR.LOVELACE,TOJOHNBELFORD,ESQ.TUESDAY,MAY23.
WelldidI,andbutjustintimetoconcludetohavedonewithMrs.Fretchvilleandthehouse:forhereMennellhasdeclared,thathecannotinconscienceandhonourgoanyfarther.--Hewouldnotfortheworldbeaccessorytothedeceivingofsuchalady!--Iwasafooltoleteitheryouorhimseeher;foreversinceyehavebothhadscruples,whichneitherwouldhavehad,wereawomantohavebeeninthequestion.
Well,Ican'thelpit!
Mennellhas,however,thoughwithsomereluctance,consentedtowritemealetter,providedIwillallowittobethelaststepheshalltakeinthisaffair.
Ipresumed,Itoldhim,thatifIcouldcauseMrs.Fretchville'swomantosupplyhisplace,hewouldhavenoobjectiontothat.
None,hesays--Butisitnotpity--
Apitifulfellow!Sucharidiculouskindofpityhis,asthosesillysoulshave,whowouldnotkillaninnocentchickenfortheworld;butwhenkilledtotheirhands,arealwaysthemostgreedydevourersofit.
Nowthislettergivestheservantthesmall-pox:andshehasgivenittoherunhappyvapourishlady.Vapourishpeopleareperpetualsubjectsfordiseasestoworkupon.Namebutthemalady,anditistheirsinamoment.Everfittedforinoculation.--Thephysicaltribe'smilch-cows.--Avapourishorspleneticpatientisafiddleforthedoctors;andtheyareeternallyplayinguponit.Sweetmusicdoesitmakethem.Alltheir
difficulty,exceptacaseextraordinaryhappens,(aspoorMrs.Fretchville's,whohasrealizedherapprehensions,)isbuttoholdtheircountenance,whiletheirpatientisdrawingupabillofindictmentagainsthimself;--andwhentheyhaveheardit,proceedtopunish--therightwordforprescribe.Whyshouldtheynot,whenthecriminalhasconfessedhisguilt?--Andpunishtheygenerallydowithavengeance.
Yet,sillytoadstoo,nowIthinkofit.Forwhy,whentheyknowtheycannotdogood,maytheynotaswellendeavourtogratify,astonauseate,thepatient'spalate?
WereIaphysician,I'dgetallthetradetomyself:forMalmsey,andCyprus,andthegenerousproductoftheCape,alittledisguised,should
bemyprincipaldoses:asthesewouldcreatenewspirits,howwouldtherevivedpatientcovetthephysic,andadorethedoctor!
Givealltheparadersofthefacultywhomthouknowestthishint.--Therecouldbutoneinconveniencearisefromit.TheAPOTHECARIESwouldfindtheirmedicinescostthemsomething:butthedemandforquantitieswouldanswerthat:sincethehonestNURSEwouldbethepatient'staster;perpetuallyrequiringrepetitionsofthelastcordialjulap.
Well,buttotheletter--Yetwhatneedoffurtherexplanationafterthe
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hintsinmyformer?Thewidowcan'tberemoved;andthat'senough:andMennell'sworkisover;andhisconsciencelefttoplaguehimforhisownsins,andnotanotherman's:and,verypossibly,plagueenoughwillgivehimforthose.
Thisletterisdirected,ToRobertLovelace,Esq.or,inhisabsence,tohisLady.Shehasrefuseddiningwithme,orseeingme:andIwasoutwhenitcame.Sheopenedit:soismyladybyherownconsent,proudandsaucyassheis.
Iamgladatmyheartthatitcamebeforeweentirelymakeup.Shewouldelseperhapshaveconcludedittobecontrivedforadelay:andnow,moreover,wecanaccommodateouroldandnewquarrelstogether;andthat'scontrivance,youknow.ButhowisherdearhaughtyhearthumbledtowhatitwaswhenIknewherfirst,thatshecanapprehendanydelaysfromme;andhavenothingtodobuttovexatthem!
Icameintodinner.Shesentmedowntheletter,desiringmyexcuseforopeningit.--Diditbeforeshewasaware.Lady-pride,Belford!recollection,thenretrogradation!
Irequestedtoseeheruponitthatmoment.--Butshedesirestosuspendourinterviewtillmorning.Iwillbringhertoown,beforeIhavedonewithher,thatshecan'tseemetoooften.
Myimpatiencewassogreat,onanoccasionsounexpected,thatIcouldnothelpwritingtotellher,'howmuchvexedIwasattheaccident:butthatitneednotdelaymyhappyday,asthatdidnotdependuponthehouse.[Sheknewthatbefore,she'llthink;andsodidI.]AndasMrs.Fretchville,byMr.Mennell,sohandsomelyexpressedherconcernuponit,andherwishesthatitcouldsuitustobearwiththeunavoidabledelay,Ihoped,thatgoingdowntoTheLawnfortwoorthreeofthesummer-months,whenIwasmadethehappiestofmen,wouldbefavourabletoallround.'
Thedearcreaturetakesthisincidenttoheart,Ibelieve:Shehassentwordtomyrepeatedrequesttoseehernotwithstandingherdenial,that
shecannottillthemorning:itshallbethenatsixo'clock,ifIplease!
TobesureIdoplease!
Canseeherbutonceadaynow,Jack!
DidItellthee,thatIwrotealettertomycousinMontague,wonderingthatIheardnotfromLordM.asthesubjectwassoveryinteresting!InitIacquaintedherwiththehouseIwasabouttaking;andwithMrs.Fretchville'svapourishdelays.
Iwasverylothtoengagemyownfamily,eithermanorwoman,inthis
affair;butImusttakemymeasuressecurely:andalreadytheyallthinkasbadofmeastheywellcan.YouobservebymyLordM.'slettertoyourself,thatthewell-manner'dpeerisafraidIshouldplaythisadmirablecreatureoneofmyusualdog'stricks.
IhavereceivedjustnowananswerfromCharlotte.
Charloti'n'twell.Astomachdisorder!
Nowonderagirl'sstomachshouldplagueher.Asinglewoman;that'sit.
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Whenshehasamantoplague,itwillhavesomethingbesidesitselftopreyupon.Knowestthounotmoreover,thatmanisthewoman'ssun;womanistheman'searth?--Howdreary,howdesolate,theearth,thatthesunsshinesnotupon!
PoorCharlotte!ButIheardshewasnotwell:thatencouragedmetowritetoher;andtoexpressmyselfalittleconcerned,thatshehadnot,ofherownaccord,thoughtofavisitintowntomycharmer.
Herefollowsacopyofherletter.Thouwiltseebyitthateverylittlemonkeyistocatechiseme.Theyalldependuponmygood-nature.
M.HALL,MAY22.
DEARCOUSIN,
Wehavebeenindailyhopeforalongtime,Imustcallit,ofhearingthatthehappyknotwastied.MyLordhasbeenverymuchoutoforder:andyetnothingwouldservehim,buthewouldhimselfwriteananswertoyourletter.Itwastheonlyopportunityheshouldeverhave,perhaps,tothrowinalittlegoodadvicetoyou,withthehopeofitsbeingofanysignification;andhehasbeenseveralhoursinaday,ashisgoutwouldlethim,busiedinit.Itwantsnowonlyhislastrevisal.He
hopesitwillhavethegreaterweightwithyou,asitappearallinhisownhand-writing.
Indeed,Mr.Lovelace,hisworthyheartiswraptupinyou.Iwishyoulovedyourselfbuthalfaswell.ButIbelievetoo,thatifallthefamilylovedyouless,youwouldloveyourselfmore.
HisLordshiphasbeenverybusy,atthetimeshecouldnotwrite,inconsultingPritchardaboutthoseestateswhichheproposestotransfertoyouonthehappyoccasion,thathemayansweryourletterinthemostacceptablemanner;andshow,byeffects,howkindlyhetakesyourinvitation.Iassureyouheismightyproudofit.
Asformyself,Iamnotatallwell,andhavenotbeenforsomeweekspast,withmyoldstomach-disorder.IhadcertainlyelsebeforenowhavedonemyselfthehonouryouwonderIhavenotdonemyself.LadyBetty,whowouldhaveaccompaniedme,(forwehavelaiditallout,)hasbeenexceedinglybusyinherlaw-affair;herantagonist,whoisactuallyonthespot,havingbeenmakingproposalsforanaccommodation.Butyoumayassureyourself,thatwhenourdearrelation-electshallbeentereduponthenewhabitationyoutellmeof,wewilldoourselvesthehonourofvisitingher;andifanydelayarisesfromthedearlady'swantofcourage,(whichconsideringherman,letmetellyou,mayverywellbe,)wewillendeavourtoinspireherwithit,andbesponsorsforyou;--for,cousin,Ibelieveyouhaveneedtobechristenedoveragainbeforeyouareentitledtosogreatablessing.Whatthinkyou?
Justnow,myLordtellsme,hewilldispatchamanonpurposewithhisletterto-morrow:soIneedednottohavewritten.ButnowIhave,letitgo;andbyEmpson,whosetsoutdirectlyonhisreturntotown.
Mybestcompliments,andsister's,tothemostdeservingladyintheworld[youwillneednootherdirectiontothepersonmeant]concludeme
Youraffectionatecousinandservant,CHARL.MONTAGUE.
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***
Thouseesthowseasonablythislettercomes.IhopemyLordwillwritenothingbutwhatImayshowtomybeloved.IhaveactuallysentherupthisletterofCharlotte's,andhopeforhappyeffectsfromit.
R.L.
***
[TheLady,inhernextletter,givesMissHoweanaccountofwhatpassedbetweenMr.Lovelaceandherself.Sheresentshisbehaviourwithherusualdignity.ButwhenshecomestomentionMr.Mennell'sletter,shere-urgesMissHowetoperfectherschemeforherdeliverance;beingresolvedtoleavehim.But,datingagain,onhissendinguptoherMissMontague'sletter,shealtershermind,anddesireshertosuspendforthepresentherapplicationtoMrs.Townsend.]
Ihadbegun,saysshe,tosuspectallhehadsaidofMrs.Fretchvilleand
herhouse;andevenMr.Mennellhimself,thoughsowell-appearingaman.ButnowthatIfindMr.Lovelacehasapprizedhisrelationsofhisintenttotakeit,andhadengagedsomeoftheladiestovisitmethere,Icouldhardlyforbearblamingmyselfforcensuringhimascapableofsovileanimposture.Butmayhenotthankhimselfforactingsoveryunaccountably,andtakingsuchneedlessly-awrysteps,ashehaddone,embarrassing,asItoldhim,hisownmeanings,iftheyweregood?
LETTERL
MR.LOVELACE,TOJOHNBELFORD,ESQ.
WEDNESDAY,MAY24.
[Hegiveshisfriendanaccountoftheirinterviewthatmorning;andofthehappyeffectsofhiscousinMontague'sletterinhisfavour.Herreserves,however,hetellshim,arenotabsolutelybanished.Butthisheimputestoform.]
Itisnotinthepowerofwoman,sayshe,tobealtogethersincereontheseoccasions.Butwhy?--Dotheythinkitsogreatadisgracetobefoundouttobereallywhattheyare?
IregrettedtheillnessofMrs.Fretchville;astheintentionIhadto
fixherdearselfinthehousebeforethehappyknotwastied,wouldhavesetherinthatindependenceinappearance,aswellasfact,whichwasnecessarytoshowtoalltheworldthatherchoicewasfree;andastheladiesofmyfamilywouldhavebeenproudtomaketheircourttoherthere,whilethesettlementsandourequipageswerepreparing.But,onanyotheraccount,therewasnogreatmatterinit;sincewhenmyhappydaywasover,wecould,withsomuchconvenience,godowntoTheLawn,tomyLordM.'s,andtoLadySarah'sorLadyBetty's,inturn;whichwouldgivefulltimetoprovideourselveswithservantsandotheraccommodations.
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Howsweetlythecharmerlistened!
Iaskedher,ifshehadhadthesmall-pox?
Tenthousandpoundstheworseinmyestimation,thoughtI,ifshehasnot;fornooneofhercharminggracescanIdispensewith.
'TwasalwaysadoubtfulpointwithhermotherandMrs.Norton,sheowned.Butalthoughshewasnotafraidofit,shechosenotunnecessarilytorushintoplaceswhereitwas.
Right,thoughtI--Else,Isaid,itwouldnothavebeenamissforhertoseethehousebeforeshewentintothecountry;forifshelikeditnot,Iwasnotobligedtohaveit.
Sheasked,ifshemighttakeacopyofMissMontague'sletter?
Isaid,shemightkeeptheletteritself,andsendittoMissHowe,ifshepleased;forthat,Isuppose,washerintention.
Shebowedherheadtome.
There,Jack!Ishallhavehercourtesytomeby-and-by,Iquestionnot.
Whata-devilhadItodo,toterrifythesweetcreaturebymytermagantprojects!--Yetitwasnotamiss,Ibelieve,tomakeherafraidofme.Shesays,Iamanunpoliteman.Andeverypoliteinstancefromsuchaoneisdeemedafavour.
Talkingofthesettlements,ItoldherIhadratherthatPritchard(mentionedbymycousinCharlotte)hadnotbeenconsultedonthisoccasion.Pritchard,indeed,wasaveryhonestman;andhadbeenforagenerationinthefamily;andknewoftheestates,andtheconditionofthem,betterthaneithermyLordormyself:butPritchard,likeotheroldmen,wasdiffidentandslow;andvaluedhimselfuponhisskillasadraughts-man;and,forthesakeofthepaltryreputation,musthaveallhisformspreserved,wereanimperialcrowntodependuponhisdispatch.
Ikissedherunrepulsinghandnolessthanfivetimesduringthisconversation.Lord,Jack,howmygenerousheartranover!--Shewasquiteobligingatparting.--Sheinamanneraskedmeleavetoretire;toreperuseCharlotte'sletter.--Ithinkshebentherkneestome;butIwon'tbesure.--Howhappymightwebothhavebeenlongago,hadthedearcreaturebeenalwaysascomplaisanttome!ForIdoloverespect,and,whetherIdeserveitornot,alwayshadit,tillIknewthisproudbeauty.
Andnow,Belford,areweinatrain,orthedeuceisinit.Everyfortifiedtownhasitsstronganditsweakplace.Ihavecarriedonmyattacksagainsttheimpregnableparts.IhavenotdoubtbutIshall
eithershineorsmuggleheroutofhercloke,sincesheandMissHowehaveintendedtoemployasmuggleragainstme.--AllwewaitfornowismyLord'sletter.
ButIhadliketohaveforgottotellthee,thatwehavebeennotalittlealarmed,bysomeinquiriesthathavebeenmadeaftermeandmybelovedbyamanofgoodappearance;whoyesterdayprocuredatradesmanintheneighbourhoodtosendforDorcas:ofwhomheaskedseveralquestionsrelatingtous;particularly(asweboardedandlodgedinonehouse)whetherweweremarried?
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Thishasgivenmybelovedgreatuneasiness.AndIcouldnothelpobservinguponit,toher,howrightathingitwasthatwehadgivenoutbelowthatweweremarried.Theinquiry,mostprobably,Isaid,wasfromherbrother'squarter;andnowperhapsthatourmarriagewasowned,weshouldhearnomoreofhismachinations.Theperson,itseems,wascurioustoknowthedaythattheceremonywasperformed.ButDorcasrefusedtogivehimanyotherparticularsthanthatweweremarried;andshewasthemorereserved,ashedeclinedtotellherthemotivesofhisinquiry.
LETTERLI
MR.LOVELACE,TOJOHNBELFORD,ESQ.MAY24.
Thedeviltakethisuncleofmine!HehasatlastsentmealetterwhichIcannotshow,withoutexposingtheheadofourfamilyforafool.Aconfoundedparcelofpop-gunshasheletoffuponme.Iwasinhopeshehadexhaustedhiswholestockofthissortinhislettertoyou.--Tokeepitback,todelaysendingit,tillhehadrecollectedallthisfarragoof
nonsense--confoundhiswisdomofnations,ifsomuchofitistobescrapedtogether,indisgraceofitself,tomakeoneegregioussimpleton!--ButIamgladIamfortifiedwiththispieceofflagrantfolly,however;since,inallhumanaffairs,theconvenientaresomingled,thatthereisnohavingtheonewithouttheother.
Ihavealreadyofferedthebillenclosedinittomybeloved;andreadtoherpartoftheletter.Butsherefusedthebill:and,asIamincashmyself,Ishallreturnit.Sheseemedverydesiroustoperusethewholeletter.AndwhenItoldher,that,wereitnotforexposingthewriter,Iwouldobligeher,shesaid,itwouldnotbeexposinghisLordshiptoshowittoher;andthatshealwayspreferredthehearttothehead.Iknewhermeaning;butdidnotthankherforit.
AllthatmakesformeinitIwilltranscribeforher--yet,hangit,sheshallhavetheletter,andmysoulwithit,foroneconsentingkiss.
***
Shehasgottheletterfrommewithoutthereward.Deucetakeme,ifIhadthecouragetoproposethecondition.Anewcharacterthisofbashfulnessinthyfriend.Isee,thatatrulymodestwomanmaymakeevenaconfidentmankeephisdistance.Bymysoul,Belford,Ibelieve,thatninewomeninten,whofall,falleitherfromtheirownvanityor
levity,orforwantofcircumspectionandproperreserves.
***
Ididintendtotakemyrewardonherreturningalettersofavourabletousboth.Butshesentittome,sealedup,byDorcas.Imighthavethoughtthatthereweretwoorthreehintsinit,thatshewouldbetooniceimmediatelytoappearto.Isendittothee;andherewillstop,
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togivetheetimetoreadit.Returnitassoonasthouhastperusedit.
LETTERLII
LORDM.TOROBERTLOVELACE,ESQ.TUESDAY,MAY23.
Itisalonglanethathasnoturning.--Donotdespisemeformyproverbs--youknowIwasalwaysfondofthem;andifyouhadbeensotoo,itwouldhavebeenthebetterforyou,letmetellyou.Idareswear,thefineladyyouaresolikelytobesoonhappywith,willbefarfromdespisingthem;forIamtold,thatshewriteswell,andthatallherlettersarefullofsentences.Godconvertyou!fornobodybutheandthisladycan.
Ihavenomannerofdoubtbutthatyouwillmarry,asyourfather,andallyourancestors,didbeforeyou:elseyouwouldhavehadnotitletobemyheir;norcanyourdescendantshaveanytitletobeyour's,unlesstheyarelegitimate;that'sworthyourremembrance,Sir!--Nomanisalwaysafool,everymanissometimes.--Butyourfollies,Ihope,arenowatanend.
Iknow,youhavevowedrevengeagainstthisfinelady'sfamily:butnomoreofthat,now.Youmustlookuponthemallasyourrelations;andforgiveandforget.Andwhentheyseeyoumakeagoodhusbandandagoodfather,[whichGodsend,foralloursakes!]theywillwonderattheirnonsensicalantipathy,andbegyourpardon:Butwhiletheythinkyouavilefellow,andarake,howcantheyeitherloveyou,orexcusetheirdaughter?
AndmethinksIcouldwishtogiveawordofcomforttothelady,who,doubtless,mustbeundergreatfears,howsheshallbeabletoholdinsuchawildcreatureasyouhavehithertobeen.Iwouldhinttoher,thatbystrongarguments,andgentlewords,shemaydoanythingwith
you;forthoughyouareapttobehot,gentlewordswillcoolyou,andbringyouintothetemperthatisnecessaryforyourcure.
WouldtoGod,mypoorlady,youraunt,whoisdeadandgone,hadbeenaproperpatientforthesameremedy!Godresthersoul!Noreflectionsuponhermemory!Worthisbestknownbywant!Iknowher'snow;andifIhadwentfirst,shewouldbythistimehaveknownmine.
Thereisgreatwisdominthatsaying,Godsendmeafriend,thatmaytellmeofmyfaults:ifnot,anenemy,andhewill.NotthatIamyourenemy;andthatyouwellknow.Themorenobleanyoneis,themorehumble;sobearwithme,ifyouwouldbethoughtnoble.--AmInotyouruncle?anddoInotdesigntobebettertoyouthanyourfathercouldbe?
Nay,Iwillbeyourfathertoo,whenthehappydaycomes;sinceyoudesireit:andpraymakemycomplimentstomydearniece;andtellher,Iwondermuchthatshehassolongdeferredyourhappiness.
PrayletherknowasthatIwillpresentHER(notyou)eithermyLancashireseatorTheLawninHertfordshire,andsettleuponherathousandpoundsayearpenny-rents;toshowher,thatwearenotafamilytotakebaseadvantages:andyoumayhavewritingsdrawn,andsettleasyouwill.--HonestPritchardhastherent-rollofboththeseestates;andashehasbeenagoodoldservant,Irecommendhimtoyourlady'sfavour.
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Ihavealreadyconsultedhim:hewilltellyouwhatisbestforyou,andmostpleasingtome.
Iamstillverybadwithmygout,butwillcomeinalitter,assoonasthedayisfixed;itwouldbethejoyofmyhearttojoinyourhands.And,letmetellyou,ifyoudonotmakethebestofhusbandstosogoodayounglady,andonewhohashadsomuchcourageforyoursake,Iwillrenounceyou;andsettleallIcanuponherandher'sbyyou,andleaveyououtofthequestion.
Ifanythingbewantingforyourfurthersecurity,Iamreadytogiveit;thoughyouknow,thatmywordhasalwaysbeenlookeduponasmybond.AndwhentheHarlowesknowallthis,letusseewhethertheyareabletoblush,andtakeshametothemselves.
LadySarahandLadyBettywantonlytoknowtheday,tomakeallthecountryroundthemblaze,andalltheirtenantsmad.And,ifanyoneofminebesoberupontheoccasion,Pritchardshallejecthim.And,onthebirthofthefirstchild,ifason,Iwilldosomethingmoreforyou,andrepeatallourrejoicings.
Ioughtindeedtohavewrittensooner.ButIknew,thatifyouthoughtmelong,andwereinhasteastoyournuptials,youwouldwriteandtellmeso.Butmygoutwasverytroublesome:andIambutaslowwriter,you
know,atbest:forcomposingisathingthat,thoughformerlyIwasveryreadyatit,(asmyLordLexingtonusedtosay,)yethavingleftitoffagreatwhile,Iamnotsonow.AndIchose,onthisoccasion,towritealloutofmyownhandandmemory;andtogiveyoumybestadvice;forImayneverhavesuchanopportunityagain.Youhavehad[Godmendyou!]astrangewayofturningyourbackuponallIhavesaid:thisonce,Ihope,youwillbemoreattentivetotheadviceIgiveyouforyourowngood.
Ihavestillanotherend;nay,twootherends.
Theonewas,thatnowyouareuponthebordersofwedlock,asImaysay,andallyourwildoatswillbesown,Iwouldgiveyousomeinstructionsastoyourpublicaswellasprivatebehaviourinlife;which,intending
yousomuchgoodasIdo,yououghttohear;andperhapswouldneverhavelistenedto,onanylessextraordinaryoccasion.
Thesecondis,thatyourdearlady-elect(whoisitseemsherselfsofineandsosententiousawriter)willseebythis,thatitisnotourfaults,norforwantofthebestadvice,thatyouwasnotabettermanthanyouhavehithertobeen.
Andnow,inafewwords,fortheconductIwouldwishyoutofollowinpublic,aswellasinprivate,ifyouwouldthinkmeworthyofadvising.--Itshallbeshort;sobenotuneasy.
Astotheprivatelife:Loveyourladyasshedeserves.Letyouractions
praiseyou.Beagoodhusband;andsogivethelietoallyourenemies;andmakethemashamedoftheirscandals.Andletushaveprideinsaying,thatMissHarlowehasnotdoneeitherherselforfamilyanydiscreditbycomingamongus.Dothis;andI,andLadySarah,andLadyBetty,willloveyouforever.
Astoyourpublicconduct:ThisasfollowsiswhatIcouldwish:butIreckonyourlady'swisdomwillputusbothright--nodisparagement,Sir;since,withallyourwit,youhavenothithertoshownmuchwisdom,youknow.
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Getintoparliamentassoonasyoucan:foryouhavetalonstomakeagreatfigurethere.Whosopropertoassistinmakingnewholdinglaws,asthosewhomnolawinbeingcouldhold?
Then,forsolongasyouwillgiveattendanceinSt.Stephen'schapel--itsbeingcalledachapel,Ihope,willnotdisgustyou:IamsureIhaveknownmanyariotthere--aspeakerhasahardtimeofit!butwepeershavemoredecorum--ButwhatwasIgoingtosay?--Imustgoback.
Forsolongasyouwillgiveyourattendanceinparliament,forsolongwillyoubeoutofmischief;outofprivatemischief,atleast:andmaySt.Stephen'sfatebeyour's,ifyouwilfullydopublicmischief!
Whenanewelectioncomes,youwillhavetwoorthreeboroughs,youknow,tochooseoutof:--butifyoustaytillthen,Ihadratheryouwerefortheshire.
Youwillhaveinterestenough,Iamsure;andbeingsohandsomeaman,thewomenwillmaketheirhusbandsvoteforyou.
Ishalllongtoreadyourspeeches.Iexpectyouwillspeak,ifoccasionoffer,theveryfirstday.Youwantnocourage,andthinkhighlyenoughofyourself,andlowlyenoughofeverybodyelse,tospeakonall
occasions.Astothemethodsofthehouse,youhavespiritenough,Ifear,tobetoomuchabovethem:takecareofthat.--Idon'tsomuchfearyourwantofgood-manners.Tomen,youwantnodecency,iftheydon'tprovokeyou:astothat,Iwishyouwouldonlylearntobeaspatientofcontradictionfromothers,asyouwouldhaveotherpeoplebetoyou.
AlthoughIwouldnothaveyoutobeacourtier;neitherwouldIhaveyoutobeamalcontent.Iremember(forIhaveitdown)whatmyoldfriendArchibaldHutchesonsaid;anditwasaverygoodsaying--(toMr.SecretaryCraggs,Ithinkitwas)--'Ilookuponanadministration,asentitledtoeveryvoteIcanwithgoodconsciencegiveit;forahouseof
commonsshouldnotneedlesslyputdragsuponthewheelsofgovernment:andwhenIhavenotgivenitmyvote,itwaswithregret:and,formycountry'ssake,IwishedwithallmyheartthemeasurehadbeensuchasIcouldhaveapproved.'
Andanothersayinghehad,whichwasthis:'Neithercananopposition,neithercanaministry,bealwayswrong.Tobeaplumbmanthereforewitheither,isaninfalliblemark,thatthatmanmustmeanmoreandworsethanhewillownhedoesmean.'
Arethesesayingsbad,Sir?aretheytobedespised?--Well,then,whyshouldIbedespisedforrememberingthem,andquotingthem,asIlovetodo?Letmetellyou,ifyoulovedmycompanymorethanyoudo,youwould
notbetheworseforit.Imaysaysowithoutanyvanity;sinceitisothermen'swisdom,andnotmyown,thatIamsofondof.
Buttoaddawordortwomoreonthisoccasion;andImayneverhavesuchanother;foryoumustreadthisthrough--Lovehonestmen,andherdwiththem,inthehouseandoutofthehouse;bywhatevernamestheybedignifiedordistinguished:Keepgoodmencompany,andyoushallbeoutoftheirnumber.ButdidI,ordidInot,writethisbefore?--Writing,atsomanydifferenttimes,andsuchaquantity,onemayforget.
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YoumaycomeinforthetitlewhenIamdeadandgone--Godhelpme!--SoIwouldhaveyoukeepanequilibrium.Ifonceyougetthenameofbeingafinespeaker,youmayhaveanything:and,tobesure,youhavenaturallyagreatdealofelocution;atonguethatwoulddeludeanangel,asthewomensay--totheirsorrow,someofthem,poorcreatures!--Aleadingmaninthehouseofcommonsisaveryimportantcharacter;becausethathousehasthegivingofmoney:andmoneymakesthemaretogo;ay,andqueensandkingstoo,sometimes,togoinamannerverydifferentfromwhattheymightotherwisechoosetogo,letmetellyou.
However,methinks,Iwouldnothaveyoutakeaplaceneither--itwilldoubleyourvalue,andyourinterest,ifitbebelieved,thatyouwillnot:for,asyouwillthenstandinnoman'sway,youwillhavenoenvy;butpuresterlingrespect;andbothsideswillcourtyou.
Foryourpart,youwillnotwantaplace,assomeothersdo,topieceuptheirbrokenfortunes.Ifyoucannowlivereputablyupontwothousandpoundsayear,itwillbehardifyoucannothereafterliveuponsevenoreight--lessyouwillnothave,ifyouobligeme;asnow,bymarryingsofinealady,verymuchyouwill--andallthis,andaboveLadyBetty'sandLadySarah'sfavours!What,inthenameofwonder,couldpossiblypossesstheproudHarlowes!--Thatson,thatsonoftheirs!--But,forhisdearsister'ssake,Iwillsaynomoreofhim.
Ineverwasofferedaplacemyself:andtheonlyoneIwouldhavetaken,hadIbeenofferedit,wasmasterofthebuckhounds;forIlovedhuntingwhenIwasyoung;anditcarriesagoodsoundwithitforuswholiveinthecountry.OftenhaveIthoughtofthatexcellentoldadage;Hethateatstheking'sgoose,shallbechokedwithhisfeathers.IwishtotheLord,thiswasthoroughlyconsideredbyplace-hunters!itwouldbebetterforthem,andfortheirpoorfamilies.
Icouldsayagreatdealmore,andallequallytothepurpose.ButreallyIamtired;andsoIdoubtareyou.Andbesides,Iwouldreservesomethingforconversation.
MyniecesMontague,andLadySarahandLadyBetty,joinincomplimentsto
myniecethatistobe.Ifshewouldchoosetohavetheknottiedamongus,praytellherthatweshallallseeitsecurelydone:andwewillmakeallthecountryringandblazeforaweektogether.ButsoIbelieveIsaidbefore.
Ifanythingfurthermaybeneedfultowardpromotingyourreciprocalfelicity,letmeknowit;andhowyouorderabouttheday;andallthat.Theenclosedbillisverymuchatyourservice.'Tispayableatsight,aswhateverelseyoumayhaveoccasionforshallbe.
SoGodblessyouboth;andmakethingsasconvenienttomygoutasyoucan;though,beitwheneveritwill,Iwillhobbletoyou;forIlongtoseeyou;andstillmoretoseemyniece;andam(inexpectationofthat
happyopportunity)
YourmostaffectionateUncleM.
LETTERLIII
MR.LOVELACE,TOJOHNBELFORD,ESQ.
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THURSDAY,MAY25.
Thouseest,Belford,howwenowdrivebeforethewind.--Thedearcreaturenowcomesalmostatthefirstword,wheneverIdesirethehonourofhercompany.Itoldherlastnight,thatapprehendingdelayfromPritchard'sslowness,IwasdeterminedtoleaveittomyLordtomakehiscomplimentsinhisownway;andhadactuallythatafternoonputmywritingsintothehandsofaveryeminentlawyer,CounsellorWillians,withdirectionsforhimtodrawupsettlementsfrommyownestate,andconformablytothoseofmymother!whichIputintohishandsatthesametime.Ithadbeen,Iassuredher,nosmallpartofmyconcern,thatherfrequentdispleasure,andourmutualmisapprehensions,hadhinderedmefromadvisingwithherbeforeonthissubject.Indeed,indeed,mydearestlife,saidI,youhavehithertoaffordedmebutaverythornycourtship.
Shewassilent.Kindlysilent.ForwellknowI,thatshecouldhaverecriminateduponmewithavengeance.ButIwaswillingtoseeifshewerenotlothtodisobligemenow.Icomfortedmyself,Isaid,withthehopesthatallmydifficultieswerenowover;andthateverypastdisobligationswouldbeburiedinoblivion.
Now,Belford,IhaveactuallydepositedthesewritingswithCounsellorWilliams;andIexpectthedraughtsinaweekatfarthest.Soshallbe
doublyarmed.ForifIattempt,andfail,theseshallbereadytothrowin,tomakeherhavepatiencewithmetillIcantryagain.
Ihavemorecontrivancesstillinembryo.Icouldtelltheeofanhundred,andyetholdanotherhundredinpetto,topopinasIgoalong,toexcitethysurprize,andtokeepupthyattention.Norravethouatme;but,ifthouartmyfriend,thinkofMissHowe'sletters,andofhersmugglingscheme.Allowingtomyfaircaptive'sinformationsincitements.AmInotavillain,afool,aBeelzebub,withthemalready?--Yetnoharmdonebyme,norsomuchasattempted?
Everythingofthisnature,thedearcreatureanswered,(withadowncasteye,andablushingcheek,)shelefttome.
IproposedmyLord'schapelforthecelebration,wherewemighthavethepresenceofLadyBetty,LadySarah,andmytwocousinsMontague.
Sheseemednottofavourapubliccelebration!andwavedthissubjectforthepresent.IdoubtednotbutshewouldbeaswillingasItodeclineapublicwedding;soIpressednotthismatterfartherjustthen.
ButpatternsIactuallyproduced;andajewellerwastobringasthisdayseveralsetsofjewelsforherchoice.Butthepatternsshewouldnotopen.Shesighedatthementionofthem:thesecondpatterns,shesaid,thathadbeenofferedtoher:*andveryperemptorilyforbidthejeweller'scoming;aswellasdeclinedmyofferofcausingmymother'sto
benew-set,atleastforthepresent.
*SeeVol.I.LetterXLI.
Idoassurethee,Belford,Iwasinearnestinallthis.Mywholeestateisnothingtome,putincompetitionwithherhoped-forfavour.
Shethentoldme,thatshehadputintowritingheropinionofmygeneral
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proposals;andtherehadexpressedhermindastoclothesandjewels:butonmystrangebehaviourtoher(fornocausethatsheknewof)onSundaynight,shehadtornthepaperintwo.
Iearnestlypressedhertoletmebefavouredwithasightofthispaper,tornasitwas.And,aftersomehesitation,shewithdrew,andsentittomebyDorcas.
Iperuseditagain.Itwasinamannernewtome,thoughIhadreaditsolately:and,bymysoul,Icouldhardlystandit.AnhundredadmirablecreaturesIcalledhertomyself.ButIchargethee,writenotawordtomeinherfavour,ifthoumeanestherwell;for,ifIspareher,itmustbeallexmeromotu.
Youmayeasilysuppose,whenIwasre-admittedtoherpresence,thatIranoverinherpraises,andinvowsofgratitude,andeverlastinglove.Buthere'sthedevil;shestillreceivesallIsaywithreserve;orifitbenotwithreserve,shereceivesitsomuchasherdue,thatsheisnotatallraisedbyit.Somewomenareundonebypraise,byflattery.Imyself,aman,amproudofpraise.Perhapsthouwiltsay,thatthosearemostproudofitwholeastdeserveit;asthoseareofrichesandgrandeurwhoarenotborntoeither.Iown,thattobesuperiortothesefoibles,itrequiresasoul.HaveInotthenasoul?--Surely,Ihave.--Letmethenbeconsideredasanexceptiontotherule.
NowhaveIfoundationtogouponinmyterms.MyLord,intheexuberanceofhisgenerosity,mentionsathousandpoundsayearpenny-rents.ThisIknow,thatwereItomarrythislady,hewouldrathersettleuponherallhehasamindtosettle,thanuponme.Hehaseventthreatened,thatifIprovenotagoodhusbandtoher,hewillleaveallhecanathisdeathfrommetoher.Yetconsidersnotthatawomansoperfectcanneverbedispleasedwithherhusbandbuttohisdisgrace:Forwhowillblameher?--AnotherreasonwhyaLOVELACEshouldnotwishtomarryaCLARISSA.
Butwhataprettyfellowofanuncleisthisfoolishpeer,tothinkofmakingawifeindependentofheremperor,andarebelofcourse;yetsmartedhimselfforanerrorofthiskind!
Mybeloved,inhertornpaper,mentionsbuttwohundredpoundsayear,forherseparateuse.Iinsisteduponhernamingalargersum.Shesaiditmightbethree;andI,forfearsheshouldsuspectverylargeoffers,namedonlyfive;butaddedtheentiredisposalofallarrearsinherfather'shandsforthebenefitofMrs.Norton,orwhomshepleased.
Shesaid,thatthegoodwomanwouldbeuneasyifanythingmorethanacompetencyweredoneforher.Shewasmoreforsuitingallherdispositionsofthiskind,shesaid,totheusualwayoflifeoftheperson.Togobeyondit,wasbuttoputthebenefiteduponprojects,ortomakethemawkwardinanewstate;whentheymightshineinthattowhichtheywereaccustomed.Andtoputitintosogoodamother'spower
togivehersonabeginninginhisbusinessatapropertime;yettoleavehersomethingforherself,tosetherabovewant,orabovethenecessityoftakingbackfromherchildwhatshehadbeenenabledtobestowuponhim;wouldbetheheightofsuchaworthyparent'sambition.
Here'sprudence!Here'sjudgmentinsoyoungacreature!HowdoIhatetheHarlowesforproducingsuchanangel!--Owhy,why,didsherefusemysincereaddresstotietheknotbeforewecametothishouse!
Butyet,whatmortifiesmyprideis,thatthisexaltedcreature,ifI
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weretomarryher,wouldnotbegovernedinherbehaviourtomebylove,butbygenerositymerely,orbyblindduty;andhadratherlivesingle,thanbemine.
Icannotbearthis.IwouldhavethewomanwhomIhonourwithmyname,ifeverIconferthishonouruponany,foregoevenhersuperiordutiesforme.IwouldhaveherlookaftermewhenIgooutasfarasshecanseeme,asmyRosebudafterherJohnny;andmeetmeatmyreturnwithrapture.Iwouldbethesubjectofherdreams,aswellasofherwakingthoughts.Iwouldhaveherthinkeverymomentlostthatisnotpassedwithme:singtome,readtome,playtomewhenIpleased:nojoysogreatasinobeyingme.WhenIshouldbeinclinedtolove,overwhelmmewithit;whentobeseriousorsolitary,ifapprehensiveofintrusion,retiringatanod;approachingmeonlyifIsmiledencouragement:stealintomypresencewithsilence;outofit,ifnotnoticed,ontiptoe.Bealadyeasytoallmypleasures,andvaluingthosemostwhomostcontributedtothem;onlysighinginprivate,thatitwasnotherselfatthetime.Thusofolddidthecontendingwivesofthehonestpatriarchs;eachrecommendingherhandmaidtoherlord,asshethoughtitwouldobligehim,andlookinguponthegenialproductasherown.
ThegentleWallersays,womenareborntobecontrouled.Gentleashewas,heknewthat.Atyranthusbandmakesadutifulwife.Andwhydothesexloverakes,butbecausetheyknowhowtodirecttheiruncertain
wills,andmanagethem?
***
Anotheragreeableconversation.Thedayofdaysthesubject.Astofixingaparticularone,thatneednotbedone,mycharmersays,tillthesettlementsarecompleted.AstomarryingatmyLord'schapel,theLadiesofmyfamilypresent,thatwouldbemakingapublicaffairofit;andthedearcreatureobserved,withregret,thatitseemedtobemyLord'sintentiontomakeitso.
Itcouldnotbeimagined,Isaid,butthathisLordship'ssettingoutinalitter,andcomingtotown,aswellashistasteforglare,andthejoyhewouldtaketoseememarriedatlast,andtoherdearself,wouldgiveitasmuchtheairofapublicmarriageasiftheceremonywereperformedathisownchapel,alltheLadiespresent.
Icannot,saidshe,endurethethoughtsofapublicday.Itwillcarrywithitanairofinsultuponmywholefamily.Andformypart,ifmyLordwillnottakeitamiss,[andperhapshewillnot,asthemotioncamenotfromhimself,butfromyou,Mr.Lovelace,]IwillverywillinglydispensewithhisLordship'spresence;therather,asdressandappearancewillthenbeunnecessary;forIcannotbeartothinkofdeckingmypersonwhilemyparentsareintears.
Howexcellentthis!Yetdonotherparentsrichlydeservetobeintears?
See,Belford,withsocharminganiceness,wemighthavebeenalongtimeagouponthevergeofthestate,andyetfoundagreatdealtodobeforeweenteredintoit.
Allobedience,allresignation--nowillbuther's.Iwithdrew,andwrotedirectlytomyLord;andshenotdisapprovingofit,Isentitaway.The
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purportasfollows;forItooknocopy.
'ThatIwasmuchobligedtohisLordshipforhisintendedgoodnesstomeonanoccasionthemostsolemnofmylife.ThattheadmirableLady,whomhesojustlypraised,thoughthisLordship'sproposalsinherfavourtoohigh.Thatshechosenottomakeapublicappearance,if,withoutdisobligingmyfriends,shecouldavoidit,tillareconciliationwithherowncouldbeeffected.ThatalthoughsheexpressedagratefulsenseofhisLordship'sconsenttogivehertomewithhisownhand;yet,presumingthatthemotivetothiskindintentionwasrathertodoherhonour,thanitotherwisewouldhavebeenhisownchoice,(especiallyastravellingwouldbeatthistimesoinconvenienttohim,)shethoughtitadvisabletosavehisLordshiptroubleonthisoccasion;andhopedhewouldtakeasmeantherdecliningthefavour.
'ThatTheLawnwillbemostacceptabletousbothtoretireto;andtherather,asitissotohisLordship.
'But,ifhepleases,thejointuremaybemadefrommyownestate;leavingtohisLordship'sgoodnessthealternative.'
Iconcludewithtellinghim,'thatIhadofferedtopresenttheLadyhisLordship'sbill;butonherdecliningtoacceptofit(havingmyselfnopresentoccasionforit)Ireturnitenclosed,withmythanks,&c.'
Andisnotthisgoingaplaguylength?WhatafigureshouldImakeinrakishannals,ifatlastIshouldbecaughtinmyowngin?
Thesexmaysaywhattheywill,butapoorinnocentfellowhadneedtotakegreatcareofhimself,whenhedancesupontheedgeofthematrimonialprecipice.Manyafaint-heartedman,whenhebegantojest,oronlydesignedtoapegallantry,hasbeenforcedintoearnest,bybeingover-prompt,andtakenathisword,notknowinghowtoownthathemeantlessthantheladysupposedhemeant.Iamthebetterenabledtojudgethatthismusthavebeenthecaseofmanyasneakingvarlet;becauseI,whoknowthefemaleworldaswellasanymaninitofmystanding,amsofrequentlyindoubtofmyself,andknownotwhattomakeofthematter.
Thentheselittleslyrogues,howtheyliecouchant,readytospringuponusharmlessfellowsthemomentweareintheirreach!--Whentheiceisoncebrokenforthem,howswiftlycantheymaketoport!--Meantime,thesubjecttheycanleastspeakto,theymostthinkof.Norcanyoutalkoftheceremony,beforetheyhavelaidoutintheirmindshowitisalltobe.Littlesaucy-faceddesigners!howfirsttheydrawthemselvesin,thenus!
Butbeallthesethingsastheywill,LordM.neverinhislifereceivedsohandsomealetterasthisfromhisnephew
LOVELACE.
***
[TheLady,afterhavinggiventoMissHoweontheparticularscontainedinMr.Lovelace'slastletter,thusexpressesherself:]
Aprincipalconsolationarisingfromthesefavourableappearances,is,thatI,whohavenowbutoneonlyfriend,shallmostprobably,andifit
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benotmyownfault,haveasmanynewonesastherearepersonsinMr.Lovelace'sfamily;andthiswhetherMr.Lovelacetreatmekindlyornot.Andwhoknows,butthat,bydegrees,thosenewfriends,bytheirrankandmerit,mayhaveweightenoughtogetmerestoredtothefavourofmyrelations?tillwhichcanbeeffected,Ishallnotbetolerablyeasy.HappyIneverexpecttobe.Mr.Lovelace'smindandminearevastlydifferent;differentinessentials.
Butasmattersareatpresentcircumstanced,Iprayyou,mydearfriend,tokeeptoyourselfeverythingthatmightbringdiscredittohim,ifrevealed.--Betteranybodyexposeamanthanawife,ifIamtobehis;andwhatissaidbyyouwillbethoughttocomefromme.
Itshallbemyconstantprayer,thatallthefelicitieswhichthisworldcanaffordmaybeyour's:andthattheAlmightywillneversufferyounoryour's,totheremotestposterity,towantsuchafriendasmyAnnaHowehasbeento
HerCLARISSAHARLOWE.
LETTERLIV
MR.LOVELACE,TOJOHNBELFORD,ESQ.
Andnow,thatmybelovedseemssecureinmynet,formyprojectuponthevixenMissHowe,anduponhermother:inwhichtheofficiousprancerHickmanistocomeinforadash.
Butwhyuponhermother,methinksthouaskest,who,unknowntoherself,hasonlyacted,bytheimpulse,throughthyagentJosephLeman,uponthefollyofoldTonytheuncle?
Nomatterforthat:shebelievessheactsuponherownjudgment:and
deservestobepunishedforpretendingtojudgment,whenshehasnone.--Everylivingsoul,butmyself,Icantellthee,shallbepunished,thattreatseithercruellyordisrespectfullysoadoredalady.--Whataplague!isitnotenoughthatsheisteasedandtormentedinpersonbyme?
Ihavealreadybrokenthemattertoourthreeconfederates;asasupposed,notaresolved-oncaseindeed.Andyettheyknow,thatwithme,inapieceofmischief,execution,withitsswiftestfeel,isseldomthreepacesbehindprojection,whichhardlyeverlimpsneither.
MOWBRAYisnotagainstit.Itisascheme,hesays,worthyofus:andwehavenotdoneanythingforagoodwhilethathasmadeanoise.
BELTON,indeed,hesitatesalittle,becausemattersgowrongbetweenhimandhisThomasine;andthepoorfellowhasnotthecouragetohavehissoreplaceprobedtothebottom.
TOURVILLEhasstartedafreshgame,andshrugshisshoulders,andshouldnotchoosetogoabroadatpresent,ifIplease.ForIapprehendthat(fromthenatureoftheproject)therewillbeakindofnecessitytotravel,tillallisblownover.
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ToME,onecountryisasgoodasanother;andIshallsoon,Isuppose,choosetoquitthispaltryisland;exceptthemistressofmyfatewillconsenttocohabitathome;andsolaymeundernonecessityofsurprisingherintoforeignparts.TRAVELLING,thouknowest,givesthesexescharmingopportunitiesofbeingfamiliarwithoneanother.Averyfewdaysandnightsmustnowdecideallmattersbetwixtmeandmyfairinimitable.
DOLEMAN,whocanactinthesecausesonlyaschamber-counsel,willinformusbypenandink[hisrighthandandrightsidehavingnotyetbeenstruck,andtheothersidebeginningtobesensible]ofallthatshalloccurinourabsence.
AsforTHEE,wehadratherhavethycompanythannot;for,althoughthouartawretchedfellowatcontrivance,yetartthouintrepidatexecution.Butasthypresentengagementsmakethyattendanceuncertain,Iamnotformakingthypartnecessarytoourscheme;butforleavingtheetocomeafteruswhenabroad.Iknowthoucanstnotlonglivewithoutus.
Theproject,inshort,isthis:--Mrs.HowehasaneldersisterintheIsleofWight,whoislatelyawidow;andIamwellinformed,thatthemotheranddaughterhaveengaged,beforethelatterismarried,topayavisittothislady,whoisrich,andintendsMissforherheiress;andintheinterimwillmakehersomevaluablepresentsonherapproaching
nuptials;which,asMrs.Howe,wholovesmoneymorethananythingbutherself,toldoneofmyacquaintance,wouldbeworthfetching.
Now,Jack,nothingmoreneedbedone,thantohirealittletrimvessel,whichshallsailapleasuringbackwardandforwardtoPortsmouth,Spithead,andtheIsleofWight,foraweekorfortnightbeforeweenteruponourpartsoftheplot.AndasMrs.Howewillbeformakingthebestbargainshecanforherpassage,themasterofthevesselmayhaveorders(asaperquisiteallowedhimbyhisowners)totakewhatshewillgive:andthemaster'sname,beitwhatitwill,shallbeGanmoreontheoccasion;forIknowarogueofthatname,whoisnotobligedtobeofanycountry,anymorethanwe.
Well,then,wewillimaginethemonboard.Iwillbethereindisguise.Theyknownotanyofyefour--supposing(theschemesoinviting)thatthoucanstbeone.
'Tisplaguyhard,ifwecannotfind,ormakeastorm.
Perhapstheywillbesea-sick:butwhethertheybeornot,nodoubttheywillkeeptheircabin.
HerewillbeMrs.Howe,MissHowe,Mr.Hickman,amaid,andafootman,Isuppose:andthuswewillorderit.
Iknowitwillbehardweather:Iknowitwill:and,beforetherecanbe
theleastsuspicionofthematter,weshallbeinsightofGuernsey,Jersey,Dieppe,Cherbourg,oranywhereontheFrenchcoastthatitshallpleaseustoagreewiththewindstoblowus:andthen,securingthefootman,andthewomenbeingseparated,oneofus,accordingtolotsthatmaybecast,shallovercome,eitherbypersuasionorforce,themaidservant:thatwillbenohardtask;andsheisalikelywench,[Ihaveseenheroften:]one,Mrs.Howe;norcantherebemuchdifficultythere;forsheisfullofhealthandlife,andhasbeenlongawidow:another,[that,saystheprincelylion,mustbeI!]thesaucydaughter;whowillbemuchtoofrightenedtomakegreatresistance,[violentspirits,in
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thatsex,areseldomtruespirits--'tisbutwheretheycan:]andafterbeatingaboutthecoastforthreeorfourdaysforrecreation'ssake,andtomakesurework,tillweseeoursullenbirdsbegintoeatandsip,wewillsetthemallashorewhereitwillbemostconvenient;sellthevessel,[toMrs.Townsend'sagents,withallmyheart,ortosomeothersmugglers,]orgiveittoGanmore;andpursueourtravels,andtarryabroadtillallishushedup.
NowIknowthouwiltmakedifficulties,asitisthyway;whileitisminetoconquerthem.Myothervassalsmadetheirs;andIcondescendedtoobviatethem:asthusIwillthine,firststatingthemfortheeaccordingtowhatIknowofthyphlegm.
What,inthefirstplace,wiltthouask,shallbedonewithHickman?whowillbeinfullparadeofdressandprimness,inordertoshowtheoldauntwhatadevilishcleverfellowofanephewsheistohave.
What!--I'lltellthee--Hickman,ingoodmanners,willleavethewomenintheircabin--and,toshowhiscouragewithhisbreeding,beupondeck--
Well,andsupposeheis!--WhythenIhopeitiseasyforGanmore,oranybodyelse,myselfsupposeinmypea-jacketandgreatwatchcoat,(ifanyothermakescrupletodoit),whilehestandsintheway,gapingandstaringlikeanovice,tostumbleagainsthim,andpushhimoverboard!
--Arichthought--isitnot,Belford?--Heiscertainlyplaguyofficiousintheladies'correspondence;andIaminformed,playsdoublebetweenmotheranddaughter,infearofboth.--Dostnotseehim,Jack?--Ido--poppingupanddown,hiswigandhatfloatingbyhim;andpaddling,pawing,anddashing,likeafrightedmongrel--Iamafraidheneverventuredtolearntoswim.
Butthouwiltnotdrownthepoorfellow;wiltthou?
No,no!--thatisnotnecessarytotheproject--Ihatetodomischiefssupererogatory.Theskiffshallbereadytosavehim,whilethevesselkeepsitscourse:heshallbesetonshorewiththelossofwigandhatonly,andofhalfhislittlewits,attheplacewhereheembarked,orany
whereelse.
Well,butshallwenotbeindangerofbeinghangedforthreesuchenormousrapes,althoughHickmanshouldescapewithonlyabellyfulofsea-water?
Yes,tobesure,whencaught--Butisthereanylikelihoodofthat?--Besides,havewenotbeenindangerbeforenowforworsefacts?andwhatisthereinbeingonlyindanger?--IfweactuallyweretoappearinopendayinEnglandbeforemattersaremadeup,therewillbegreaterlikelihoodthatthesewomenwillnotprosecutethattheywill.--Formyownpart,Ishouldwishtheymay.Wouldnotabravefellowchoosetoappearincourttosuchanarraignment,confrontingwomenwhowoulddo
credittohisattempt?Thecountryismoremercifulinthesecases,thaninanyothers:Ishouldthereforeliketoputmyselfuponmycountry.
Letmeindulgeinafewreflectionsuponwhatthoumayestthinktheworstthatcanhappen.Iwillsupposethatthouartoneofus;andthatallfiveareactuallybroughttotrialonthisoccasion:howbravelyshallweenteracourt,Iattheheadofyou,dressedouteachman,asiftohisweddingappearance!--Youaresureofallthewomen,oldandyoung,ofyourside.--Whatbravefellows!--whatfinegentlemen!--Theregoesacharminghandsomeman!--meaningme,tobesure!--whocouldfindintheir
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heartstohangsuchagentlemanasthat?whispersonelady,sittingperhapsontherighthandoftherecorder:[IsupposethescenetobeinLondon:]whileanotherdisbelievesthatanywomancouldfairlyswearagainstme.Allwillcrowdafterme:itwillbeeachman'shappiness(ifyeshallchancetobebashful)tobeneglected:Ishallbefoundtobethegreatestcriminal;andmysafety,forwhichthegeneralvoicewillbeengaged,willbeyours.
Butthencomesthetriumphoftriumphs,thatwillmaketheaccusedlookup,whiletheaccusersarecoveredwithconfusion.
Makeroomthere!--standby!--giveback!--Onereceivingarap,anotheranelbow,halfascoreapushapiece!--
Entertheslow-moving,hooded-faced,down-lookingplaintiffs.--
Andfirstthewidow,withasorrowfulcountenance,thoughhalf-veiled,pityingherdaughtermorethanherself.Thepeople,thewomenespecially,whoonthisoccasionwillbefive-sixthsofthespectators,reproachingher--You'dhavetheconscience,wouldyou,tohavefivesuchbravegentlemenasthesehangedforyouknownotwhat?
Nextcomesthepoormaid--who,perhaps,hasbeenravishedtwentytimesbefore;andhadnotappearednow,butforcompany-sake;mincing,
simpering,weeping,byturns;notknowingwhethersheshouldbesorryorglad.
ButeveryeyedwellsuponMiss!--See,see,thehandsomegentlemanbowstoher!
Totheveryground,tobesure,Ishallbow;andkissmyhand.
Seeherconfusion!see!sheturnsfromhim!--Ay!that'sbecauseitisinopencourt,criesanarchone!--Whileothersadmireher--Ay!that'sagirlworthventuringone'sneckfor!
Thenweshallbepraised--eventhejudges,andthewholecrowdedbench,
willacquitusintheirhearts!andeverysinglemanwishhehadbeenme!--thewomen,allthetime,disclaimingprosecution,werethecasetobetheirown.Tobesure,Belford,thesuffererscannotputhalfsogoodafaceuponthematteraswe.
Thenwhatanoisewillthismattermake!--Isitnotenough,supposeusmovingfromtheprisontothesessions-house,*tomakeanobleheartthumpitawaymostgloriously,whensuchanonefindshimselfattendedtohistrialbyaparadeofguardsandofficers,ofmiensandaspectswarlikeandunwarlike;himselfoftheirwholecare,andtheirbusiness!weaponsintheirhands,somebright,somerusty,equallyvenerablefortheirantiquityandinoffensiveness!othersofmoreauthoritativedemeanour,struttingbeforewithfinepaintedstaves!shoalsofpeople
following,withaWhichishewhomtheyoungladyappearsagainst?--Then,letuslookdown,lookup,lookround,whichwaywewill,weshallseeallthedoors,theshops,thewindows,thesign-irons,andbalconies,(garrets,gutters,andchimney-topsincluded,)allwhite-capt,black-hooded,andperiwigg'd,orcrop-ear'dupbytheimmobilevulgus:whilethefloatingstreet-swarmers,whohaveseenuspassbyatoneplace,runwithstretched-outnecks,andstrainedeye-balls,aroundaboutway,andelbowandshoulderthemselvesintoplacesbywhichwehavenotpassed,inordertoobtainanothersightofus;everystreetcontinuingtopouroutitsswarmsoflate-comers,toaddtothegatheringsnowball;whoare
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contenttotakedescriptionsofourpersons,behaviour,andcountenances,fromthosewhohadthegoodfortunetohavebeenintimetoseeus.
*Withinthesefewyearspast,apassagehasbeenmadefromtheprisontothesessions-house,wherebymalefactorsarecarriedintocourtwithoutgoingthroughthestreet.Lovelace'striumphontheirsupposedmarchshowsthewisdomofthisalteration.
Letmetellthee,Jack,Iseenotwhy(tojudgeaccordingtoourprinciplesandpractices)weshouldnotbeasmuchelatedinourmarch,werethistohappentous,asothersmaybeuponanyotherthemostmob-attractingoccasion--supposealord-mayoronhisgawdy--supposeavictoriousgeneral,orambassador,onhispublicentry--suppose(asIbeganwiththelowest)thegrandestparadethatcanbesupposed,acoronation--for,inallthese,donottheroyalguard,theheroictrained-bands,thependent,clingingthrongsofspectators,withtheirwavingheadsrollingto-and-frofromhouse-topstohouse-bottomsandstreet-ways,asIhaveabovedescribed,maketheprincipalpartoftheraree-show?
Andletmeaskthee,ifthoudostnotthink,thateitherthemayor,theambassador,orthegeneralwouldnotmakeverypitifulfiguresontheir
galas,didnotthetrumpetsandtabretscalltogetherthecanailletogazeatthem?--Norperhapsshouldwebethemostguiltyheroesneither:forwhoknowshowthemagistratemayhaveobtainedhisgoldchain?whilethegeneralprobablyreturnsfromcuttingofthroats,andfrommurders,sanctifiedbycustomonly.--Caesar,wearetold,*hadwon,attheageoffifty-six,whenhewasassassinated,fiftypitchedbattles,hadtakenbyassaultaboveathousandtowns,andslainnear1,200,000men;Isupposeexclusiveofthosewhofellonhisownsideinslayingthem.ArenotyouandI,Jack,innocentmen,andbabesinswaddling-clothes,comparedtoCaesar,andtohispredecessorinheroism,Alexander,dubbed,formurdersanddepredation,Magnus?
*Plinygivesthisaccount,puttingthenumberofmenslainat1,100,092.SeealsoLipsiusdeConstandia.
Theprincipaldifferencethatstrikesmeinthecomparisonbetweenusandthemayor,theambassador,thegeneral,ontheirgawdies,is,thatthemobmakeagreaternoise,alouderhuzzaing,intheonecasethantheother,whichiscalledacclamation,andendsfrequentlyinhighertaste,bythrowingdeadanimalsatoneanother,beforetheydisperse;inwhichtheyhaveasmuchjoy,asintheformerpartofthetriumph:whiletheywillattenduswithallthemarksofanawfulorsilent(atmostonlyawhispering)respect;theirmouthsdistended,asifsetopenwithgags,andtheirvoicesgenerallylostingoggle-ey'dadmiration.
Well,butsuppose,afterall,weareconvicted;whathavewetodo,butintimemakeoverourestates,thatthesheriffsmaynotrevelinourspoils?--Thereisnofearofbeinghangedforsuchacrimeasthis,whilewehavemoneyorfriends.--Andsupposeeventheworst,thattwoorthreeweretodie,havewenotachance,eachmanofus,toescape?Thedevil'sinthem,ifthey'llhangfiveforravishingthree!
IknowIshallgetoffforone--wereitbutforfamilysake:andbeingahandsomefellow,Ishallhaveadozenortwoyoungmaidens,alldressed
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inwhite,gotocourttobegmylife--andwhataprettyshowtheywillmake,withtheirwhitehoods,whitegowns,whitepetticoats,whitescarves,whitegloves,kneelingforme,withtheirwhitehandkerchiefsattheireyes,intwoprettyrows,ashisMajestywalksthroughthemandnodsmypardonfortheirsakes!--And,ifoncepardoned,allisover:for,Jack,inacrimeofthisnaturethereliesnoappeal,asinamurder.
Sothouseesttheworstthatcanhappen,shouldwenotmakethegrandtouruponthisoccasion,butstayandtakeourtrials.Butitismostlikely,thattheywillnotprosecuteatall.Ifnot,norisqueonoursidewillberun;onlytakingourpleasureabroad,attheworst;leavingfriendstiredofus,inorder,afteratime,toreturntothesamefriendsendearedtous,aswetothem,byabsence.
This,Jack,ismyscheme,atthefirstrunning.Iknowitiscapableofimprovement--forexample:IcanlandtheseladiesinFrance;whipoverbeforetheycangetapassageback,orbeforeHickmancanhaverecoveredhisfright;andsofindmeanstoentrapmybelovedonboard--andthenallwillberight;andIneednotcareifIwerenevertoreturntoEngland.
Memorandum,Tobeconsideredof--Whether,inordertocompletemyvengeance,IcannotcontrivetokidnapawayeitherJamesHarloweorSolmes?orboth?Aman,Jack,wouldnotgointoexilefornothing.
LETTERLV
MR.LOVELACE,TOJOHNBELFORD,ESQ.
If,Belford,thoulikestnotmyplotuponMissHowe,Ihavethreeorfourmoreasgoodinmyownopinion;better,perhaps,theywillbeinthine:andso'tisbutgettingloosefromthypresentengagement,andthoushaltpickandchoose.Butasforthythreebrethren,theymustdoasIwouldhavethem:andso,indeed,mustthou--ElsewhyamIyourgeneral?ButIwillreferthissubjecttoitsproperseason.Thouknowest,thatInever
absolutelyconcludeuponaproject,till'tistimeforexecution;andthenlightningstrikesnotquickerthanI.
Andnowtothesubjectnextmyheart.
Wiltthoubelieveme,whenItellthee,thatIhavesomanycontrivancesrisingupandcrowdinguponmeforpreference,withregardtomyGloriana,thatIhardlyknowwhichtochoose?--Icouldtelltheeofnolessthansixprincelyones,anyofwhichmustdo.Butasthedearcreaturehasnotgrudgedgivingmetrouble,IthinkIoughtnot,ingratitude,tosparecombustiblesforher;but,onthecontrary,tomakeherstareandstandaghast,byspringingthreeorfourminesatonce.
ThouremembrestwhatShakespeare,inhisTroilusandCressida,makesHector,who,however,isnotusedtoboast,saytoAchillesinaninterviewbetweenthem;andwhich,appliedtothiswatchfullady,andtothevexationshehasgivenme,andtothecertaintyInowthinkIhaveofsubduingher,willrunthus:supposingthecharmerbeforeme;andImeditatinghersweetpersonfromheadtofoot:
Henceforth,Owatchfulfair-one,guardtheewell:ForI'llnotkilltheethere!northere!northere!But,bythezonethatcirclesVenus'waist,
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I'llkilltheeev'rywhere;yea,o'erando'er.--Thou,wisestBelford,pardonmethisbrag:Herwatchfulnessdrawsfollyfrommylips;ButI'llendeavourdeedstomatchthewords,OrImaynever----
ThenIimaginetheeinterposingtoqualifymyimpatience,asAjaxdidtoAchilles:
----Donotchafethee,cousin:----Andletthesethreatsalone,Tillaccidentorpurposebringtheetoit.
Allthatvexesme,inthemidstofmygloried-indevices,is,thatthereisasorryfellowintheworld,whohaspresumedtoquestion,whethertheprize,whenobtained,isworthyofthepainsitcostsme:yetknows,withwhatpatienceandtroubleabird-manwillspreadanacreofgroundwithginsandsnares;setuphisstalkinghorse,hisglasses;planthisdecoy-birds,andinvitethefeatheredthrongbyhiswhistle;andallhisprizeatlast(therewardofearlyhours,andofawholemorning'spains)onlyasimplelinnet.
Tobeserious,Belford,Imustacknowledge,thatallourpursuits,fromchildhoodtomanhood,areonlytriflesofdifferentsortandsizes,
proportionedtoouryearsandviews:butthenisnotafinewomanthenoblesttrifle,thateverwasorcouldbeobtainedbyman?--Andtowhatpurposedowesayobtained,ifitbenotinthewaywewishfor?--Ifamanisrathertobeherprize,thanshehis?
***
Andnow,Belford,whatdostthink?
Thatthouartacursedfellow,if--
If--noif's--butIshallbeverysickto-morrow.Ishall,'faith.
Sick!--Whysick?Whata-devilshouldstthoubesickfor?
Formoregoodreasonsthanone,Jack.
Ishouldbegladtohearbutone.--Sick,quotha!OfallthyroguishinventionsIshouldnothavethoughtofthis.
Perhapsthouthinkestmyviewtobe,todrawtheladytomybedside.That'satrickofthreeorfourthousandyearsold;andIshouldfinditmuchmoretomypurpose,ifIcouldgettoher's.However,I'llcondescendtomaketheeaswiseasmyself.
IamexcessivelydisturbedaboutthissmugglingschemeofMissHowe.Ihavenodoubt,thatmyfair-one,wereItomakeanattempt,andmiscarry,willflyfromme,ifshecan.Ioncebelievedshelovedme:butnowIdoubtwhethershedoesornot:atleast,thatitiswithsuchanardour,asMissHowecallsit,aswillmakeheroverlookapremeditatedfault,shouldIbeguiltyofone.
Andwhatwillbeingsickdoforthee?
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Havepatience.Idon'tintendtobesoverybadasDorcasshallrepresentmetobe.ButyetIknowIshallreachconfoundedly,andbringupsomeclottedblood.Tobesure,Ishallbreakavessel:there'snodoubtofthat:andabottleofEaton'sstypticshallbesentfor;butnodoctor.Ifshehashumanity,shewillbeconcerned.Butifshehaslove,letithavebeenpushedeversofarback,itwill,onthisoccasion,comeforward,andshowitself;notonlyinhereye,butineverylineofhersweetface.
Iwillbeveryintrepid.Iwillnotfeardeath,oranythingelse.Iwillbesureofbeingwellinanhourortwo,havingformerlyfoundgreatbenefitbythisastringentmedicine,onoccasionofaninwardbruisebyafallfrommyhorseinhunting,ofwhichperhapsthismaladymaybetheremains.Andthiswillshowher,thatthoughthoseaboutmemaymakethemostofit,Idonot;andsocanhavenodesigninit.
Well,methinksthousayest,Ibegintothinktolerablyofthisdevice.
Iknewthouwouldst,whenIexplainedmyself.Anothertimepreparetowonder;andbanishdoubt.
Now,Belford,Ishallexpect,thatshewillshowsomeconcernatthebrokenvessel,asitmaybeattendedwithfataleffects,especiallytoonesofieryinhistemperasIhavethereputationtobethoughttobe:
andtherather,asIshallcalmlyattributetheaccidenttotheharassesanddoubtsunderwhichIhavelabouredforsometimepast.Andthiswillbeafurtherproofofmylove,andwilldemandagratefulreturn--
Andwhatthen,thouegregiouscontriver?
WhythenIshallhavethelessremorse,ifIamtousealittleviolence:forcanshedeservecompassion,whoshowsnone?
Andwhatifsheshowsagreatdealofconcern?
ThenshallIbeinhopesofbuildingonagoodfoundation.Lovehidesamultitudeoffaults,anddiminishesthoseitcannothide.Love,when
acknowledged,authorizesfreedom;andfreedombegetsfreedom;andIshallthenseehowfarIcango.
Wellbut,Lovelace,howthedeucewiltthou,withthatfullhealthandvigourofconstitution,andwiththatbloominthyface,makeanybodybelievethouartsick?
How!--Why,takeafewgrainsofipecacuanha;enoughtomakemereachlikeafury.
Good!--Buthowwiltthoumanagetobringupblood,andnothurtthyself?
Foolishfellow!Aretherenopigeonsandchickensineverypoulterer's
shop?
Crythymercy.
ButthenIwillbepersuadedbyMrs.Sinclair,thatIhaveoflateconfinedmyselftoomuch;andsowillhaveachaircalled,andbecarriedtothePark;whereIwilltrytowalkhalfthelengthoftheMall,orso;andinmyreturn,amusemyselfatWhite'sortheCocoa.
Andwhatwillthisdo?
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Questioningagain!--Iamafraidthou'rtaninfidel,Belford--WhythenshallInotknowifmybelovedofferstogooutinmyabsence?--AndshallInotseewhethershereceivesmewithtendernessatmyreturn?Butthisisnotall:IhaveaforebodingthatsomethingaffectingwillhappenwhileIamout.Butofthismoreinitsplace.
Andnow,Belford,wiltthou,orwiltthounot,allow,thatitisarightthingtobesick?--Lord,Jack,somuchdelightdoItakeinmycontrivances,thatIshallbehalfsorrywhentheoccasionforthemisover;fornever,never,shallIagainhavesuchcharmingexerciseformyinvention.
Meantimetheseplaguywomenaresoimpertinent,sofullofreproaches,thatIknownothowtodoanythingbutcursethem.Andthen,truly,theyareforhelpingmeoutwithsomeoftheirtriteandvulgarartifices.Sally,particularly,whopretendstobeamightycontriver,hasjustnow,inaninsolentmanner,toldme,onmyrejectingherprofferedaids,thatIhadnomindtoconquer;andthatIwassowickedastointendtomarry,thoughIwouldnotownittoher.
Becausethislittledevilmadeherfirstsacrificeatmyaltar,shethinksshemaytakeanylibertywithme:andwhatmakesheroutrageousattimesis,thatIhave,foralongtime,studiously,asshesays,slighted
hertoo-readily-offeredfavours:Butisitnotveryimpudentinhertothink,thatIwillbeanyman'ssuccessor?Itisnotcometothatneither.This,thouknowest,wasalwaysmyrule--Onceanyotherman's,andIknowit,andnevermoremine.Itisforsuchasthou,andthybrethren,totakeupwithharlots.Ihavebeenalwaysaimingatthemeritofafirstdiscoverer.
ThemoredevilI,perhapsthouwiltsay,toendeavourtocorrupttheuncorrupted.
ButIsay,not;since,hence,Ihavebutveryfewadulteriestoanswerfor.
Oneaffair,indeed,atParis,withamarriedlady[IbelieveInevertoldtheeofit]touchedmyconsciencealittle:yetbroughtonbythespiritofintrigue,morethanbysheerwickedness.I'llgiveittheeinbrief:
'AFrenchmarquis,somewhatinyears,employedbyhiscourtinapublicfunctionatthatofMadrid,hadputhischarmingyoungnew-marriedwifeunderthecontroulandwardship,asImaysay,ofhisinsolentsister,anoldprude.
'Isawtheladyattheopera.Ilikedheratfirstsight,andbetteratsecond,whenIknewthesituationshewasin.So,pretendingtomakemyaddressestotheprude,gotadmittancetoboth.
'ThefirstthingIhadtodo,wastocomplimenttheprudeintoshynessbycomplaintsofshyness:next,totakeadvantageofthemarquise'ssituation,betweenherhusband'sjealousyandhissister'sarrogance;andtoinspireherwithresentment;and,asIhoped,witharegardtomyperson.TheFrenchladieshavenodisliketointrigue.
'Thesisterbegantosuspectme:theladyhadnomindtopartwiththecompanyoftheonlymanwhohadbeenpermittedtovisither;andtoldmeofhersister'ssuspicions.Iputheruponconcealingtheprude,asifunknowntome,inaclosetinoneofherownapartments,lockingherin,
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andputtingthekeyinherownpocket:andshewastoquestionmeonthesincerityofmyprofessionstohersister,inhersister'shearing.
'Shecomplied.Mymistresswaslockedup.TheladyandItookourseats.Iownedferventlove,andmadehighprofessions:forthemarquiseputithometome.Theprudewasdelightedwithwhatsheheard.
'Andhowdostthouthinkitended?--Itookmyadvantageoftheladyherself,whodurstnotforherlifecryout;anddrewheraftermetothenextapartment,onpretenceofgoingtoseekhersister,whoallthetimewaslockedupinthecloset.'
Nowomanevergavemeaprivatemeetingfornothing;mydearestMissHarloweexcepted.
'Myingenuityobtainedmypardon:theladybeingunabletoforbearlaughingthroughoutthewholeaffair,tofindbothsouncommonlytricked;hergaoleressherprisoner,safelockedup,andasmuchpleasedaseitherofus.'
TheEnglish,Jack,donotoftenout-wittheFrench.
'Wehadcontrivancesafterwardsequallyingenious,inwhichthelady,theiceoncebroken[oncesubdued,alwayssubdued]co-operated.Butamore
tender tell tale revealed the secret revealed it before the marquiseld th di Th i t i t t th h b d
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