Language, style and accuracy: help and advice from a language editor (2)
- エディターからの英語論文に関するアドバイス -
Oita University Warren Raye, PhD Senior Life Sciences Editor Edanz Group Japan 17 February 2012
Readability
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“only 4% of readers understand a 27-word sentence
first time”
Reader objectives
Only need to read once
Do not have to read slowly
Can understand author logic immediately
可読性
Sentence length Keep it short & simple
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We examined numerous peer-reviewed journals
Easy to read articles had an average sentence
length of around 17 words
Sentences that are 1520 words
Long sentences and repetition
One sentence: one idea
1文には1つのアイデア
1文は短く簡潔に
Goals to aim for …
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Maximum 25–30 words per sentence
Not more than four 30-word sentences in the
whole manuscript
Use punctuation to your advantage
periods (.) and commas (,)
Think about ‘reader expectation’ and match the
expectation with the contents
Reader expectation Example
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Match the expectation with the contents
All samples were collected at the same time (10 AM) every day to prevent any effects of circadian variation and then stored after treatment at 5C until assayed.
All samples were collected at the same time (10 AM) every day to prevent any effects of circadian variation. They were then stored after treatment at 5C until assayed.
Simple language IS best
Makes YOUR science more relevant
Minimizes confusion – maximizes understanding
Science is often complex
Use simple language to help more people
understand your work
Simple is best
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簡潔に書くことが大事
PREFERRED AVOID more additional enough adequate clear apparent try attempt show demonstrate try endeavor very exceedingly
Simple words Examples
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簡潔な単語
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In order to…
Unnecessary words Write simply
In order to determine the fractalkine expression in the aorta of ApoE −/− mice and the effect of high-dose aspirin intervention on fractalkine expression and atherosclerotic lesion formation, we studied …
To determine the fractalkine expression in the aorta of ApoE −/− mice and the effect of high-dose aspirin intervention on fractalkine expression and atherosclerotic lesion formation, we studied …
簡潔に書く
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AVOID For the reason that In the first place In the not too distant future Four in number Green color Subsequent to Prior to Except in a very few instances
Unnecessary words Further examples
PREFERRED Because First Soon Four Green After Before Usually
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Frequently made in the Results section Compare “like” with “like” Avoid ambiguity Use with, NOT to
The tumor excised from the pancreas was compared with the liver.
The tumor excised from the pancreas was compared with that from the liver.
Common mistakes Comparisons
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Relative terms, such as more, higher and greater, require a reference for comparison
Use than or compared with
Reactions with the new thermal cycler were faster than those with the old cycler.
Reactions with the new thermal cycler were faster.
Faster than what?
Avoiding ambiguity Comparisons
Consistency
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Be consistent with terms, abbreviations and
spelling throughout your manuscript
Inconsistencies can be used as a reason for
rejection
Use the ‘Find (and replace)’ function in Word
一貫性
Comparisons Between or among
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Use between for comparisons of two groups
Use among for comparisons of more than two groups
… significant differences were observed in the H values among bio-, fully- and semi-synthetic molecules …
… the only difference between the original molecule and the new molecule is ...
“Between”と“ among”
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‘Respectively’ is often misused by non-native
English speakers. Use ‘respectively’ only if your
sentence would be unclear without it.
Use to refer to two corresponding lists, but not
more
Respectively “Respectively”は必要時のみ使用する
15
The two values were 143.2 and 21.6, respectively.
The two values were 143.2 and 21.6.
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Respectively “Respectively”の良い例、悪い例
The two tubes were labeled B and S, respectively.
The tubes containing blood and saline were labeled B and S, respectively.
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Oxygen detector flow Nitrogen detector flow Hydrogen detector flow
85 mL/min 7 mL/min 4 mL/min
Oxygen, nitrogen and hydrogen detector flows were set at 85, 7 and 4 mL/min, respectively.
The oxygen detector flow was set at 85 mL/min; the nitrogen detector flow was set at 7 mL/min; and, the hydrogen detector flow was set at 4 mL/min. 28 words
15 words
Respectively Example
“Respectively”の例
‘Such as’ or ‘Namely’
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such as: to give examples
namely: to define
… there were other factors, such as nutrient status, primary production, microbial biomass, and coagulation processes.
… we used certified reference materials, namely C36 n-alkane and phenanthrene, obtained from …
“Such as”と“namely“
Language Colon or semi-colon
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The colon “:” is used to introduce a list or a clause
that explains what precedes it.
Semicolon “;” is used to separate the items in a list
too long for commas or where commas could be
ambiguous. Use ‘and’ before the last item in the list.
There are a number of journals for surgery manuscripts: Surgery, produced by Elsevier; Journal of Surgery, produced by NMS; and the British Journal of Surgery, produced by Wiley & Sons.
コロンとセミコロン
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Use a semicolon to join two sentences that are not independent
In previous sediments of all salinities, MeHg production was highest at previous sediment depths just below the oxic/anoxic transition; that is, depths where microbial sulfate reduction was present, but where sulfide, which inhibits methylation, was relatively low.
One sentence is too long; but the two sentences must be connected.
Language Colon or semi-colon コロンとセミコロン
Language UK or US spelling
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Be consistent 一貫させる
Check the journal’s Guide for Authors
Generally, American journals require US spelling and British journals require British spelling, but many accept either form as long as the spelling used is consistent
fibre or fiber
centre or center
labelling or labeling
colour or color
Exceptions: Ministry of Health, Labour and Welfare; your references
UK英語かUS英語か?
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“If you can’t explain something simply,
you don’t understand it well.”
– Albert Einstein
Write to express NOT impress
Consider your audience – their native language may not be English
Help your readers understand
Online resources
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Paradigm Online Writing Assistant http://www.powa.org/
Springer Exemplar http://www.springerexemplar.com/
Google Scholar http://scholar.google.com/
Purdue Online Writing Lab http://owl.english.purdue.edu/owl/
Why are journal guidelines important?
A major difference between acceptance and
rejection
Saves your time
Time to publication is quicker
Demonstrates respect for the journal and
editors
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ジャーナルガイドラインはなぜ重要か?
Journal guidelines
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ジャーナルガイドライン
What to look for?
Check journal website and sample papers
Types of papers published
Word counts
Total
Each section
Order of sections
IMRaD
Variation of IMRaD
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注視する点は?
References
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Pay attention to the referencing style in text:
Insect hunting is an ideal way to study predatory behavior (Suzuki et al., 2005).
Insect hunting is an ideal way to study predatory behavior (Tanaka and Honda).
Insect hunting is an ideal way to study predatory behavior [1].
Insect hunting is an ideal way to study predatory behavior (1).
Insect hunting is an ideal way to study predatory behavior. [1,2]
Insect hunting is an ideal way to study predatory behavior [1–3].
Insect hunting is an ideal way to study predatory behavior.¹
Tanaka reported that insect hunting was an ideal way to study predatory
behavior (2005).
文献一覧
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If you need to abbreviate, use the following resources:
BIOSIS (BIOSIS Serial Sources)
CASSI (Chemical Abstracts Service Source Index)
Index Medicus
Title: Advances in drug research Abbreviation: Adv. Drug Res.
Title: Medicine and science in sports Abbreviation: Med. Sci. Sports
Some journals limit the number of references
Check a sample paper if you are not sure of the style
Referencing styles: APA, Chicago, MLA, ACS, IEEE, Vancouver
Use reference managers such as EndNote or BibTeX
References 文献一覧
Competition for editors’ attention is very high
It may not be enough to send a cover letter to a
journal editor like this:
Cover letters
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Dear Editor-in-Chief, I am sending you our manuscript entitled “Techniques to detect circoviruses in Japanese bird species” by Raye et al. We would like to have the manuscript considered for publication in Archives of Virology. Please let me know of your decision at your earliest convenience. Sincerely yours, Warren Raye, PhD
Address to the editor personally
Provide manuscript title and publication type
Background, rationale, description of results
Explain importance of your findings
Why would they be of interest to the journal’s
target audience?
Provide corresponding author details
Your cover letter General rules
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Dear Dr Lisberger,
Please find enclosed our manuscript entitled “Amyloid-like inclusions in the brains of Huntington’s disease patients”, by
McGowan et al., which we would like to submit for publication as a Research Paper in Neuroscience.
Recent immunohistochemical studies have revealed the presence of neuronal inclusions containing an N-terminal portion of
the mutant huntingtin protein and ubiquitin in the brain tissues of Huntington’s disease (HD) patients; however, the role of
these inclusions in the disease process has remained unclear. One suspected disease-causing mechanism in Huntington’s
disease and other polyglutamine disorders is the potential for the mutant protein to undergo a conformational change to a
more stable anti-parallel β-sheet structure…
To confirm if the immunohistochemically observed huntingtin- and ubiquitin-containing inclusions display amyloid features, we
performed Congo red staining and both polarizing and confocal microscopy on post-mortem human brain tissues obtained
from five HD patients, two AD patients, and two normal controls. Congo red staining revealed a small number of amyloid-like
inclusions showing green birefringence by polarized microscopy, in a variety of cortical regions.... ….detected inclusions
observed in parallel sections, suggesting that only a relatively small proportion of inclusions in HD adopt an amyloid-like
structure.
We believe our findings would appeal to a broad audience, such as the readership of Neuroscience. As a wide-reaching journal
publishing original research on all aspects of neuroscience…
We confirm that this manuscript has not been published elsewhere and is not under consideration by another journal. All
authors have approved the manuscript and agree with submission to Neuroscience. We have read and have abided by the
statement of ethical standards for manuscripts submitted to Neuroscience. The authors have no conflicts of interest to declare.
Please address all correspondence to….
Give the background to the research
What was done and what was found
Interest to journal’s readers
Conforms to journal requirements
Cover letter Example
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Polite and professional
Query manuscript status
Address to the appropriate person
Quote the manuscript ID number
Officially withdraw your manuscript if response is
inadequate – VERY IMPORTANT
Submit elsewhere
AVOID harassing journal editors
Communication Journals
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“… the contact details (including email addresses) of at least four potential peer reviewers for your paper. These should be experts in your field of study, who will be able to provide an objective assessment of the manuscript's quality. Any peer reviewers you suggest should not have recently published with any of the authors of your manuscript and should not be members of the same research institution.”
Who ARE these experts?
Read as much as possible!
Know your competitors
Provide a reason for recommending/excluding a
reviewer
Editors have the final decision on reviewer choice
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Recommending reviewers
From your reading and references
Groups doing similar work, producing similar results
Possible collaborators
Networking
Meetings, conferences and congresses
People that comment positively
Aim for younger and mid-level scientists
Scientists new to a field
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Potential reviewers
Exists to ensure that your paper is as
scientifically robust and complete as possible
before joining the ‘collective knowledge’ as part
of the literature
An opportunity to improve your contribution,
not an inconvenience
Open / Blind / Double blind
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Peer review
Is the manuscript sufficiently novel?
Is the manuscript of broad enough interest?
Peer Review What do reviewers look for?
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Novelty Significance
Aims and Scope Impact Factor
査読者が求めているもの
Acceptance Minor
revision Major
revision
Rejection Very few papers are immediately accepted without need for any revisions
Free, expert advice
Journal editor decision
Complete rejection
Acceptance
Major revisions
Minor revisions
Peer review
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Reasons for rejection: the science
Research question
Methods
Statistics
Validations
Data versus conclusions
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Reasons for rejection: the manuscript
Rationale and aims
Methods detail
Results format
Citations
Limitations
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Reasons for rejection: other
Inappropriate journal selected: scope,
impact, audience
Inappropriate timing: too early or
late
Politely respond to ALL the reviewers’ comments
in a response letter
Make it easy to see changes
Use specific line, page and/or paragraph numbers
Different color font
Highlight the text
Revision How to respond
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Conduct the additional experiments suggested
If this is impossible, you MUST explain why
You can disagree with reviewers BUT provide
evidence (cite references)
Comply with deadlines
Revision How to respond
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Your response letter The preamble
Dear Dr. _____________: [address the editor by name] Thank you for your consideration of our manuscript entitled _____________ [insert manuscript title here]. We have reviewed the comments of the reviewers and have thoroughly revised the manuscript. We found the comments helpful, and believe our revised manuscript represents a significant improvement over our initial submission. In response to the reviewers’ suggestions we have … [summarize the key changes here]
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Point-by-point response Agreeing
After the preamble, address every reviewer point individually Reviewer Comment: In your analysis of the data you have chosen to use a somewhat obscure fitting function (regression). In my opinion, a simple Gaussian function would have sufficed. Moreover, the results would be more instructive and easier to compare to previous results.
Response: We agree with the reviewer’s assessment of the analysis. Our tailored function makes it impossible to fully interpret the data in terms of the prevailing theories. In addition, in its current form it would be difficult to tell that this measurement constitutes a significant improvement over previously reported values. We have reanalyzed our data using a Gaussian fitting function.
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Point-by-point response Disagreement
Sometimes you will disagree with the reviewer. Keep your response polite and professional
Reviewer Comment: In your analysis of the data you have chosen to use a somewhat obscure fitting function (regression). In my opinion, a simple Gaussian function would have sufficed. Moreover, the results would be more instructive and easier to compare to previous results.
Response: We agree with the reviewer that a simple Gaussian fit would facilitate comparison with the results of other studies. However, our tailored function allows for the analysis of the data in terms of the Smith model [Smith et al, 1998]. We have added two sentences to the manuscript (page 3, line 4) to justify the use of this function and Smith’s model.
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Post-referee revisions Often, a reviewer comment that you think is incorrect will identify a part of the manuscript that requires further explanation.
Original: We then fit the data to a super-Gaussian. From this, we extracted the reaction time [Smith et al. 1998].
Revised: We then fit the data to a super-Gaussian. We elected to use this function to facilitate analysis using the Smith model [Smith et al. 1998]. According to the Smith model, the reaction time is dependent on the intensity and width of the fitted peak. Using this model, we extracted the reaction time.
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“The English needs to be improved”
“Your writing is difficult to understand”
Grammar
Long, complex sentences and paragraphs
Non-native expressions
Gaps in the logic
Poor organization of the manuscript
Flow
Too much information
Understanding reviewer comments
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“The authors hypothesized to look for the pharmacokinetics of
the insulin using this 4 mm needle; However they didn't do
bioequivalence analyses for glucose pharmacodynamics. That is
one of my concerns about this methodology.”
Questions from reviewers may not always be
apparent
Cosmetic changes
Understanding reviewer comments
Resources and links
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http://edanzediting.co.jp/oita201202
This presentation Templates Guidelines
参考資料
Thank you Good luck!
ご清聴ありがとうございました 。
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