• How to communicate with my child?• How to raise a responsible child?• How to teach my child patiently?• How to effectively communicate with spouse
when parents have different ways of discipline a kid(s)?
• Disciplinary actions appropriate for kids at different ages (what's appropriate for what age).
• Develop spiritual characters within the family and how to bring them up in a godly way.
• Discipline/building positive relationships.• How to teach kids in a way they understand?
Your Questions
• How to communicate with my child?• How to raise a responsible child?• How to teach my child patiently?• How to effectively communicate with spouse
when parents have different ways of discipline a kid(s)?
• Disciplinary actions appropriate for kids at different ages (what's appropriate for what age).
• Develop spiritual characters within the family and how to bring them up in a godly way.
• Discipline/building positive relationships.• How to teach kids in a way they understand?
Your Questions
合 奏「管」然「樂」• How did your parents discipline
you?• What do you remember most
about your parents’ discipline?• What do you agree/disagree
about your parents’ style of discipline?
• What similarities/differences do you see in the way you/your spouse discipline and how you were disciplined as a child?
The Difference Styles of Discipline
Su
pp
ort &
Lo
ve
(Affi
rmatio
n)
Control (Punishment)
Low
in C
on
trol
Hig
h in
Contro
l
The Difference Styles of Discipline
Control (Punishment)
Low Support & Love
High Support & Love
The Difference Styles of Discipline
Su
pp
ort &
Lo
ve
(Affi
rmatio
n)
The
Neglecte
d Child
Neglectful
Autho
rita
ri
an
Perm
issi
ve
Authoritati
ve
Low
in C
on
trol
Hig
h in
Contro
l
Low
in C
on
trol
High Support & LoveH
igh in
Contro
l
Low
in C
on
trol
Low Support & LoveTh
eCr
ushe
dCh
ild
The
Balanced
Child
The
Unc
ontr
olle
d Ch
ild
Where
Are You?
The Difference Styles of Discipline
有乜問題 ?
Today’s Menu• What is Discipline?• The Wrong Assumptions in
Discipline• Different Ways to Discipline and
Their Pros and Cons• Prevention Over Intervention• Basic Principles of Discipline• Steps to Positive Behaviors• Q & A• Bonus (Leading by Example, How
to Communicate with kids)
聖 經 的 原 則The Biblical Principles
「教養孩童,使他走當行的道,就是到老,他也不偏離 。 」 “ Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he
will not turn from it.”
箴 Prov. 22:6
Definition of Discipline
• External Discipline• Internal Discipline• The goal is to apply external
discipline to enable a child to develop new skills and proper conduct in order to acquire internal discipline.
Definition of Discipline
Discipline is “the training
in conduct that uses
a neutral blend of
rewards and punishment
to shape moral character.”
~ Effective Discipline by Donnie Johnson Fite
Punishment and DisciplinePunishme
ntDiscipline
Purpose
Focus
Parent’s AttitudeResult on Child
To train for correction and maturity
To inflict penalty for an offense
Past misdeeds
Future correct deeds
Hostility and frustration
Love and concern
Fear and Guilt
Security
Definition of Discipline
Discipline is “the training
in conduct that uses
a neutral blend of
rewards and punishment
to shape moral character.”
~ Effective Discipline by Donnie Johnson Fite
Definition of Discipline
Discipline is “the training
in conduct that uses
Positive and Negative
Consequences
to shape moral character.”
~ Effective Discipline by Donnie Johnson Fite
The Little Adult AssumptionThe belief that kids are basically reasonable and unselfish…just smaller versions of grownups. They misbehave because they don’t have enough information. So...
False Assumption:Give them calm, rational explanations of why they should change a behavior and they will shape up immediately.
Two Biggest Discipline Mistakes
• Too Much Talking – Too Much Talking is a mistake because it either does not work or takes you through the Talk-Persuade-Argue-Yell-Hit Syndrome.
• Too Much Emotion – Too Much Emotion is a mistake because the child picks up on negative emotions which may prolong or increase their negative behaviors
Parents as Animal Trainers
Choose a training method
Repeat it until it works
If done correctly, you’ll get result
Parents as Animal Trainers
• Yelling• Put-Down• Forcing an Apology• Time-Out
Forms of Discipline
• Warning (either 1 warning or 1-2-3)
• If ignores Time-Out • Explanation and walk away• Set a timer (1 minute per age)• If get up put back & reset timer• Time’s up Explain why again (?)• Ask for apology• Resolution Hugs and Kisses
How to Execute Time-Out(or the naughty step)
有乜問題 ?
• Yelling• Put-Down• Forcing an Apology• Time-Out• Loss of Privilege• Grounding• Spanking
– Is it okay to spank? If so, how?
Forms of Discipline
• Spanking– Whoever spares the rod hates their
children, but the one who loves their children is careful to discipline them.
不忍用杖打兒子的,是恨惡他;疼愛兒子的,隨時管教。 ~ Prov. 13:24 ~
– Folly is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline will drive it far away.
愚蒙迷住孩童的心,用管教的杖可以遠遠趕除 。 ~ Prov. 22:15 ~
Forms of Discipline
• Spanking– Do not withhold discipline from a child; if
you punish them with the rod, they will not die. Punish them with the rod and save them from death. 不可不管教孩童; 你用杖打他, 他必不至於死。 你要用杖打他, 就可以救他的靈魂免下陰間。 ~ Prov. 23:13-14 ~
– A rod and a reprimand impart wisdom, but a child left undisciplined disgraces its mother.
杖打和責備能加增智慧;放縱的兒子使母 親羞愧。 ~ Prov. 29:15 ~
Forms of Discipline
• Spanking– Do not spank in anger– Age appropriate (roughly between 18
months to 10 years old)– Only used for active defiance– Spanking is a procedure...a means and
not an end...administer with love, explanation, and resolution
– Spanking is only one of the methods of correction, choose wisely
Forms of Discipline
• Yelling• Put-Down• Forcing an Apology• Time-Out• Loss of Privilege• Grounding• Spanking• Bear Hug / Hold Down
Forms of Discipline
有乜問題 ?
到你試啦 !
• Tiredness• Hunger• Over or under stimulation• Too many demands...like sharing• Want to do it by themselves but
not being able to• Disputes over food• Emotions like fear and anxiety• Perfectionist temperament• Not getting their own ways• New environments
Prevention Over InterventionTop Ten Tantrum Triggers:
• Establish Clear Boundaries and Consequences–Safety–Courtesy and Sharing–Bedtime–Mealtime–Noise Level–Getting Dressed–Tantrums
Prevention Over Intervention
• Establish Clear Boundaries and Consequences
• Stop Potential Bad Habits• Praise Good Behavior• Avoid Idleness And Boredom
– Is it okay to use an iPad or iPhone to occupy the kid(s)? Discuss
Prevention Over Intervention
• Finger puppets• Etch-a-sketch / Doodle pad• Crayons and coloring book• Sticker books / Activity books• Pipe cleaners• Books to read• Music and storybooks on an
iPod, iPad, MP3 player, or CD player, and over-the ear headphones
• Favorite blankie or stuffed animal
• Healthy snacks• Change of clothes in case of
accidents
Travel Tote Bag for Toddlers
• Establish Clear Boundaries and Consequences
• Stop Potential Bad Habits• Praise Good Behavior• Avoid Idleness And Boredom• Establish A Schedule• Express Excitement
Prevention Over Intervention
有乜問題 ?
Two Major Areas of Discipline
• Controlling Inappropriate Behavior
• Encouraging Good Behavior
• Maximize the Trainable Years
Basic Principles of Discipline
「這是耶和華─你們 神所吩咐教訓你們的誡命、律例、典章,使你們在所要過去得為業的地上遵行,好叫你和你子子孫孫一生敬畏耶和華─你的 神,謹守他的一切律例誡命…我今日所吩咐你的話都要記在心上,也要殷勤教訓你的兒女。無論你坐在家裏,行在路上,躺下,起來,都要談論。也要繫在手上為記號,戴在額上為經文;又要寫在你房屋的門框上,並你的城門上。」
申 Deut. 6:1-9
With great power comes great
responsibility
With ResponsibilityComes Privilege
• Maximize the Trainable Years• With Responsibility Comes
Privilege
Basic Principles of Discipline
• Maximize the Trainable Years• With Responsibility Comes
Privilege• Consequence Should Match
the Offense• Consistency and Immediate
Follow-Through
Basic Principles of Discipline
• Warn but don’t follow through
• Impossible to follow through
• Lack of consistency
• Impatience with the technique
Common Discipline Mistakes
• Decide what matters to you• Set boundaries• Communicate boundaries
and expectations• Be a good role model• Praise and reward• Comment when others do it• Do it everyday
Steps to Positive Behavior
有乜問題 ?
Q & A
• How to communicate with my child?• How to raise a responsible child?• How to teach my child patiently?• How to effectively communicate with spouse
when parents have different ways of discipline a kid(s)?
• Disciplinary actions appropriate for kids at different ages (what's appropriate for what age).
• Develop spiritual characters within the family and how to bring them up in a godly way.
• Discipline/building positive relationships.• How to teach kids in a way they understand?
Your Questions
生 命 影 響 生 命Leading By Example
• 與神的關係 Relationship with God
• 與配偶的關係 Relationship with Spouse
• 與他人的關係 Relationship with Others
• 與子女的關係 Relationship with Kids
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