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Speaking at the Mental Health Day Concert 23rdOctober 2010 in Nairobi presided byHon. Minister for Medical Services.

Every Life is a story waiting to be told, a

succession of life events and moments. A journeyin which every man, woman and child findthemselves in; not by chance but by a stream ofhuman tendencies and sometimes divineintervention.

My life in this world began on Thursday 12thMarch 1981 at 5 a.m. My Mom kept my tag as ababy which was written on it my name and time ofbirth (unfortunately I lost the strap).

I grew up in a modest home with parents who

loved us as their children but whatever reasonsimply could not get along. There was domesticviolence in the family of which my Mom was avictim. An event that leads me to abhor all formsof violence. I am yet to get into a fist fight withanyone, i.e. from nursery, primary, high schoolcollege to-date and make a conscious choice tosolve differences with my mind.

My Dad was diagnosed with Schizo- affectivedisorder, even before I was born i.e. 1978. I knowwhat it is like to grow up with someone withMental illness. I have seen what it has done to myMom's life and the rest of the family. I knowfirsthand about the "suspicious" mind andwatching someone disintegrate from mentalhealth to mental illness. I visited my Dad a coupleof times at the National Mental Hospital inNairobi. The hygienic conditions there areappalling, clothes are torn, reek of urine, body liceand run-down facilities. He told me of hisexperience at some point where they weresprayed with DDT to kill the lice early 80's. Ihaven't been there since 2006, so I wouldn't knowfor sure if some reforms were made. I must statethat Mental Health has been getting 0.01% of thenational budget so it should suffice to explain thesad state of affairs.

My childhood was riddled with social isolationand withdrawal; we had little, if any supportstructures from relatives (Dad's and Mom's side).Socially, my parents had very few friends, so wewere stuck in the environment as it was. I grew upon my own company for a better part of my lifeand the four walls of the house became my world.Until this very day, I still have a natural tendency

to keep to myself at home - a safety zone, leavingonly when there is a specific purpose at work,running errands or advocacy activities.

My brothers and sister, who were older than me,seemed to have found their place and voice in theworld whilst my mind was feverishly praying for God

to take my life as it felt like a waste to me. I didn'tknow much about the world, but it seemed easier tobe out of it as of age 6.

My doctor's diagnosis of bipolar was anotherjourney in itself, I couldn't express myself verballyso my body took its toll and reacted accordingly inmedical terms "psycho-somatically" I was treated atsome point for a heart condition precipitated byextreme anxiety. I had cold clammy hands at thehottest temperatures over the year and lived inperpetual fear of something bad happening to me.

Once my heart was given a clean bill of health, Istarted experiencing severe headaches that eventhe most powerful painkillers couldn't address,almost getting to a neurological problem also ruledout then referred to a psychiatrist. Immediately, I gotsome Prozac and anti-anxiety medicine all thesymptoms disappeared, and I was good as new. Atthe time I was diagnosed with Clinical depression,i.e. 1997.

I was diagnosed with bipolar/mood disorder in 1999by another doctor when I went for a second opinion,and I have been hospitalized about six timesbetween then and 2006. I have been on some formof antidepressant since then in combination withpsychotherapy seasonally.

My experience in a mental hospital was of a certainroutine, standardized time of waking up, breakfast,group therapy, art therapy, etc. We were all lumpedtogether i.e. Mental illness, recovering addicts, etc.Either way I had retreated so far into the enclaves ofthe mind and was almost mechanical more thanhuman I was numb ...

I was down. I was out I had fallen down so far in lifewhom I couldn't get up and no one could get me outof that shell till I was able to come out of it myself.

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From personal experience, I have come toperce ive a very th in l i ne ex is t ingsubconsciously between mental health andillness respectively whereby the keydeterminant of either case lies squarely on theability of the person affected to gradually cometo full terms with the situation or loss without

losing reasonable control of their lives andresponsibilities. Acceptance of the situation orillness is crucial for quick recovery and progressin one's life and goals.

Once I assumed total responsibility for myhealth and my life in general for everything thathas gone wrong or right (my fault or not) then Inever went back to the hospital after 2006, andeven though I might have occasional bad days Itend to bounce back faster.

Too often our minds are the greatest assets orgreatest liability. In order to protect ourselves,we sometimes build fortified walls reinforcedgates and virtually impenetrable armamentsthat on one hand protect us from the externalworld or detain us internally within the sameparadoxical defense.

There is no mental health policy in Kenya andfrom a policy perspective mental health is not apriority as a health agenda. The health budget isabout 6.7% of the national budget. Much needs

to be done in terms of integrating mental healthcare into the primary health care services aswell as insurance covers that reduce the burdenfrom the users and their families.

My family has borne the greatest cost the past10 years out of their life savings for medicalhealth care. My family has a line of credit withour pharmacist over the years for chronicmedication to a tune of USD 500 worth of stockevery month for the family which my Mom worksvery hard to sustain among other expenses.

This is why insurance and government ishesitant to help in my view. Mental Health Careis expensive and long term.

The Mental Health Act CAP 248 section 46 ofthe laws of Kenya is very clear that no insurancecompany may decline any person of a healthinsurance cover with a mental illness and if suchdiscrimination occurs the insurance company iscommitting an offence. Almost all insurancecompanies violate this act in Kenya and hidebehind the "pre-existing conditions" clause yet

they also cover cancer and HIV-AIDS arguablyalso pre-existing if you think about it carefully.

by Char lene S unkel

People with a diagnosis of mental illness likeschizophrenia and bipolar mood disorder areconsidered to have a disability ... an invisible

disability which sometimes creates challengesin terms of accessing a disability grant.

Approving disability grants to persons inwheelchairs or those using a walking stick orguide dog have no difficulty in this respect. Butwhen a person with a psychiatric disability visitsthe SASSA offices to apply for a disability grant,it is often declined. What makes this situationworse is when the person arrives, appearingclean and neatly dressed, the response is oftenyou look well enough to go and work.

A symptom of mental illness may includeneglecting ones personal hygiene and physicalappearance. Mental health care workers andprofessionals often address this byencouraging the person to be clean and tidy.What SASSA is doing is encouraging them toremain unkempt.

Clearly SASSA officials and its doctors who aregeneral practitioners, not psychiatrists, are un-educated about mental illness, whilst having

the authority in making decisions aboutpeoples lives without having the relevantknowledge to fairly do so.