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Introduction Tender Warriors

Introduction 1

It’s one of the great challenges that we will face in this century. What is it? It’s being a MAN! Our nation and our world are in trouble. There are not enough real MEN! It is true that there are plenty of guys who work 40 hours a week. There are plenty of guys who are married and have children. But these things don’t necessarily make them a man. Our society is confused about what being a man really is all about. Recently, I was listening to ESPN on the radio. There was a commercial that was aired for a place called “Sports Clips.” In the commercial a comment was made about how real men don’t cry. It went on to say that when a man does cry it’s not really tears that are coming out but his awesomeness. I have to admit that I did laugh a little bit. But it got me thinking that when it comes to men and how they are portrayed, some will often laugh or look down at a man who does cry. Men are taught that it’s not good to cry. Have you ever seen the Axe hair spray commercials on television? These commercials basically say that if you use their gel products for your hair, you will have women falling over you. Sadly, many young men are dumb enough to believe these commercials. But what’s being depicted in these commercials is the real issue. They are essentially saying that the number one goal for young men is to do their best to get young women to be with them physically. An online magazine recently put out a list of 10 things that make a man a real man. Below are those 10 things and some of the comments that were given for each one. 1. A real man is strong. “He doesn’t cry, doesn’t moan, and doesn’t get sick.” 2. A real man is focused. “A real man knows the difference between what’s important and what isn’t. A real man focuses on

power, money, and family. He doesn’t focus on sex. Sex comes as a result of having power, money and a wife (and if she doesn’t satisfy you, there are plenty of other women who will, especially when you are powerful and rich).”

3. A real man knows the importance of family. “A real man will keep his family strong and pass on his ancestors’ history and traditions.”

4. A real man doesn’t gossip. “A real man doesn’t discuss things he doesn’t know about or people he has never met.” 5. A real man’s word is his bond. “When a real man makes a promise, he keeps it.” 6. A real man strives to be a role model. “A real man respects himself and others at all times, unless, of course, he has been

disrespected.” 7. A real man makes his own fortune. “A real man doesn’t settle for handouts or charity when it comes to his personal fortune.” 8. A real man doesn’t look like a woman. “A real man doesn’t have piercings and long hair, and he doesn’t shave his chest.” 9. A real man keeps his house in order. “…There ain’t no pizza boxes sitting around, there ain’t no undershirts on the floor, and

there sure…no unpaid bills being used as…coasters.” 10. A real man can defend himself. “You know what’s missing in the world today? Leaders who had to fight their way to the top.”

What can we learn from lists like this? We learn that we need to listen to God’s word and not what the world thinks a man is. That’s what this class is all about. Over the next quarter we will learn what the Bible teaches regarding manhood and how we can become more effective men for God, His kingdom, our homes, and our nation.

Benjamin Lee

Lesson 1 Tender Warriors

Man Up: Becoming A Tender Warrior | 4

Quit Hitting The Snooze Button

Introduction

The Bible says in

Romans 13:11-12

“And do this,

knowing the time,

that now it is high

time to awake out of

sleep; for now our

salvation is nearer

than when we first

believed. The night

is far spent, the day

is at hand. Therefore

let us cast off the

works of darkness,

and let us put on the

armor of light.”

What can we learn

from this passage?

________________

________________

________________

________________

In this lesson we will address the need for men to wake up and realize the importance of being a man as God

demands.

1. From time to time we all need a wake-up call. How would you define what a wake-up call is? _______________________________________________________________________________

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2. What instances in life have forced you to wake up and caused you to consider the things that really matter in life? _______________________________________________________________________________

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3. What does the Bible teach regarding what really matters in life? Read the following passages to

help you answer this question. Ecclesiastes 12:13; Hebrews 9:27-28; Psalm 78:5-7; Luke 9:23-25.

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4. We have seen some things that really matter according to God. In what ways do you demonstrate

how critical these things are to you?

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5. Before class ask your wife this question: “If you could name just one area where you think I could

use a wake-up call, what would it be?” If you are not married, ask a friend. What was their response

and how did you feel about it?

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6. As men there’s no time to waste, Ephesians 5:15-17. What will you do differently to make the most

of your time in life?

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7. Skip ahead and read chapters 29 and 31. This will shed some more light on Job’s character. List some of the things that you learn about him.

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Do You Have Pro-Vision?

Introduction

In Luke 6:39 the

Bible says, And He

spoke a parable to

them: “Can the blind

lead the blind? Will

they not both fall into

the ditch?”

What did Jesus

mean in this verse?

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________________

________________

If we are going to be successful as men we must have vision. The vision that’s required for us to be successful is PRO-VISION.

Without the proper vision in life we will never get to where God wants us to be.

In this lesson we will address the idea of

having Provision.

1. A person once said, “Is there anything worse than blindness? Oh, Yes! A person with sight and no vision. What do you think they meant with this statement? _______________________________________________________________________________

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2. Why is it necessary for us as men to be visionaries in the home? _______________________________________________________________________________

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3. Name some men in the Bible who had vision and were able to accomplish great things.

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4. When it comes to provision, what are many men focused on that can cause them to fail as leaders?

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5. King Saul failed as a leader of God’s people. Read 1 Samuel 17. What hampered his vision?

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6. Is there anything in your life that’s getting in the way of you having the proper vision?

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Taste It Again For The First Time

Introduction

The Kellogg

Company once had

a catchy slogan. In

their ad they said,

“Kellogg’s Corn

Flakes: Taste them

again for the first

time.” This is the

attitude we must

have with God’s

word. We need to go

back to it, read it

carefully, so we can

understand what it

means to be a man.

The first two lessons

have demonstrated

the importance of

the need to be men.

Now we will begin to

look at the four

pillars of manhood.

What qualities do

men need? The

answer is found in

Jesus. The four

pillars are…

1. King

2. Warrior

3. Mentor

4. Friend

1. Jesus is described as being a King, Matthew 2:1-3. What comes to mind when you think of a king? Why do you think this is an important pillar to manhood? _______________________________________________________________________________

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2. Jesus could be described as a Warrior, Revelation 5:5. This may surprise some. In what ways did He present Himself as a warrior? Why is this quality important for you and me as men? _______________________________________________________________________________

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3. What qualities does a warrior have? Do you think it’s important for men to have this quality? Why?

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4. Jesus was a mentor. Identify some passages from the gospels that demonstrate Jesus as mentor.

Why is this quality important for you and me as men?

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5. Jesus was a friend to many. What passages come to mind with Jesus and this quality?

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6. What figures defined “manliness” for you while when you were a child?

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7. Of the four roles we have addressed which is easiest to you and which is hardest for you? Explain.

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A Man’s Man: Lessons from a man named Job

Introduction

In our last lesson we

introduced the four

pillars of manhood.

Do you remember

what they are?

In this lesson we will

continue to examine

the idea of these

pillars. Jesus is our

ultimate example of

these four pillars. He

was a great man!

While no one can

compare to Jesus,

there are other men

in particular that

stand out. One in

particular is the man

named Job.

Read Job 1-2. What

stands out to you

about this man?

There’s one trait that

we will pay special

attention to in this

lesson. It’s what Job

demonstrated when

times got tough. Job

had staying power.

This attribute is a

must if we are to be

good men.

1. How would you define “Staying Power”? Why is this critical as we strive to be Tender Warriors? _______________________________________________________________________________

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2. Read Job 29:18-20. What do we learn about Job in regards to his staying power? _______________________________________________________________________________

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3. In what specific ways did Job demonstrate staying power? How did he acquire it?

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4. As men tough times will come our way. In times past how have you responded to difficult moments

in your life?

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5. Take a moment and consider the life of Jesus. How did Jesus demonstrate staying power? What

passages from the New Testament help demonstrate this point?

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6. List 10 major commitments you have made in your life. How have you done with them? Are you

satisfied with the direction you are going?

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Beneath The Breastplate: A Man’s Tender Side

Introduction

One of the four

pillars that make up

a Godly man is that

of being a warrior.

As men we are to be

warriors. And at the

same time there has

to be a tender side

to us. The title of our

workbook is called,

Tender Warriors. We

will not be the kind of

man God wants us

to be without having

a tender side.

And yet this is

sometimes a

challenge for men to

demonstrate

tenderness toward

others. How would

you define the word

“Tender”?

________________

________________

________________


examine the benefits

of us becoming

tender warriors.

1. The NCAA college basketball tournament or March Madness was on television earlier this year. Many of the young men who lost games ended up crying on the bench. Were you surprised at the amount of emotions that were displayed? Why or why not? _______________________________________________________________________________

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2. Earlier, we stated that Jesus had the four pillars that make up a man. Read John 11:28-37, 19:25-27. In what ways did Jesus demonstrate His tender side? _______________________________________________________________________________

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3. The apostle Paul could be called a Tender Warrior. Read 1 Thessalonians 1:1-8, 2:1-8; Philippians

1:1-8. How did Paul demonstrate his tender side?

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4. What other men in the Bible come to mind who demonstrated a tender side? List some examples

that come to mind.

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5. Why is it important for men to have and demonstrate a tender side?

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6. Is there an area in your life where you think you could improve showing your tender side? If so, plan

something in the next month to show that person your affection towards them.

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Men Under Authority

Introduction

As we strive to

become a Tender

Warrior, this means

that we must

become leaders. Our

leadership begins in

the home. Before a

man can become a

shepherd, he must

first be able to rule

his house well, 1

Timothy 3:1-5.

As men we are to

lead. But the way

that we go about

leading is another

thing. Many men are

leaders in their

house, but no one

likes them.


consider how we are

to lead. It’s not

enough to be a

leader. We must

lead as men under

the authority of God.

1. Who is the head of the house according to 1 Corinthians 11:1-3; Ephesians 5:23? Do you think this is a popular view in our society? _______________________________________________________________________________

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2. Many godly women are not bothered that God is the head of Christ, or that Christ is the head of every man. But many are bothered that the man is the head of a woman. Why is that? _______________________________________________________________________________

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3. The problem with authority is that many men abuse it. Read Matthew 20:20-28. What can we learn

about being in a position of authority?

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4. Read Ephesians 5:25. In what way did Jesus demonstrate His love for the church? How might we

learn from Him when it comes to leading our families?

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5. As men, we are to be the “Head” in our house. How can we express our leadership in the home?

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Buffaloes and Butterflies

Introduction

Think back to

kindergarten, grade

school, and even

high-school. Do you

ever recall that when

it came to boys and

girls that there was

always a separation?

When there was

some kind of social

event, the boys

would usually hang

out with each other,

and vice versa for

the girls.

From an early age

boys and girls

recognized a

difference between

each other. That’s

good! There is a big

difference between

men and women.

And yet these

differences can

cause some major

problems. In this

lesson we will

consider some of the

pros and cons of

those differences.

1. Read Genesis 1-2. What differences do you see with Adam and Eve? Read 1 Peter 3:1-7; Ephesians 5:22-33. What differences do we find here? _______________________________________________________________________________

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2. Name some ways that men are different from women and vice versa. Do you like these differences? Explain. _______________________________________________________________________________

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3. The Bible is clear that there are differences among men and women. And yet our culture would like

us to think that there are no differences. Do you think that’s good or bad? Explain.

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4. Go back to the Genesis story of Adam and Eve, Genesis 2. Why did God create woman? From this,

what do we learn about men?

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5. Sometimes our differences as men can get in the way of being a Tender Warrior. Describe a time in

your marriage when some of the basic differences between men and women caused a long-term

problem between you and your spouse.

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6. Describe a time in your marriage when some of the basic differences between men and women

brought about something delightful.

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Do You Speak Woman?

Introduction

Communication is

one of the most

challenging

components of our

lives. How we

communicate

matters. When we

do it well, lots of

potential issues and

misunderstandings

are avoided. When

we do it poorly, lots

of terrible things can

happen.

What is it that your

wife needs from

you? What is it that

you need from your

wife? Sometimes,

people can live

together for decades

and never know the

answer to these

questions.

Do you speak

woman? Do you

know what your wife

needs from you?

This lesson will

address some things

that women need.

We will learn how to

speak woman!

1. When it comes to communication between husbands and wives, what are some things that can get in the way? Whose responsibility is it to ensure that communication occurs? _______________________________________________________________________________

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2. What’s portrayed in society in regards to what women need? _______________________________________________________________________________

3. What are things that you believe wives need from their husband?

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4. After you have answered Question #3, talk to your spouse and ask her what she needs from you.

This may be tough, but it will be worth it in the long run.

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5. Based off Questions 3-4, have you been speaking woman? That is, do you understand what your

wife needs from you?

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6. Husbands must be reminded of some things as we become Tender Warriors. Our wives need us to

treat them like royalty. This is what the scriptures teach. Read 1 Peter 3:1-7; Romans 12:10. What

are we reminded from these passages?

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7. In this class we need to help one another. What are some simple things we can do to demonstrate

to our wives that we know how to speak her language?

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The Most Powerful Word

Introduction

What’s the most

powerful word in our

vocabulary? How

would you answer

that question?

________________

________________

________________

Now read Psalm

78:5-7. Is there any

particular word in

these verses that

stand out to you as

the most powerful

word in our

vocabulary?

Our goal is to

become a Tender

Warrior. Do you

remember the four

pillars we have

discussed? They are

needed when it

comes to being a

dad.


discuss the

importance of

fatherhood.

1. How would you define the word “Father?” _______________________________________________________________________________

_______________________________________________________________________________

2. Think about your father for a moment. What memories come to mind? _______________________________________________________________________________

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3. How do you think that your relationship with your father has affected the way you live today?

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4. God is our father, Matthew 6:9; Ephesians 3:15. What attributes can we learn about fatherhood

from God the Father?

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5. When we look at our society, it’s clear that fathers are missing in many homes. What long term

impact will this have our society?

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6. Imagine that your children have to write a paper on you as a father. What do you think they would

write about you? If you really want to know, why not ask them.

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7. We can’t fail when it comes to being a father. What we do will impact future generations. What can

we do to ensure that we will not fail?

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Don’t Break Your Promise

Introduction

In our last study we

discussed the

importance of being

a father. We will

continue to focus our

thoughts on

fatherhood. This

class is called

Tender Warriors.

Being a good dad

really encompasses

the four pillars we

have been

discussing so far this

semester.


continue to examine

some important

passages when it

comes to being a

good dad.

The Bible says a lot

about our role as

fathers. Let’s be sure

that we don’t

disappoint God, our

wife, and our

children.

We have made a

promise to them that

we will be there.

Let’s keep it!

1. Think about some of the promises God has made to us throughout the scriptures. What comes to mind? Has God failed on any of these? _______________________________________________________________________________

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2. God has always been reliable. He is faithful and trustworthy. He doesn’t want us to disappoint our family. He has given us instructions that we need to keep. Read Ephesians 6:4. What responsibility do we have? What impact as fathers will we have as we lead our family, Exodus 34:7? _______________________________________________________________________________

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3. There are some simple things we can do to accomplish God’s goal for us making sure our family

stays on track. For the rest of the lesson we will consider 5 things we can do that will help us as

fathers. In what way will doing these things help us to keep our promise as a dad?

4. Pursue God the Father as we guide our families.

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5. Model and teach respect for authority with our children. Why is authority so important?

_______________________________________________________________________________

6. Help your family see the big picture.

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7. Commit solidly to family unity.

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8. Be positive in building family members’ confidence.

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Shoot Them Straight

Introduction

Our focus over the

last couple of weeks

has been on

fathering. This

session we will once

again talk about the

importance of being

a father. The Bible

says so much about

children. Read

Psalm 127:3-5. What

do we learn about

children?

________________

________________

________________

________________

________________

Children are a

blessing from the

Lord. Do you believe

that? Therefore, it’s

our responsibility to

make sure we shoot

them straight, so

they can be pleasing

to God.

1. Read Psalm 127:3-5 again. In what ways are children like arrows? _______________________________________________________________________________

_______________________________________________________________________________

2. Like arrows, children are meant to one day be released. Letting go of children is hard. Name some stages in life where we will have to let go of our children? _______________________________________________________________________________

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3. We read about John the Baptist in John 3:30. What did he say regarding his role and Jesus’? How

might this help us when it comes to allowing our children to mature and to grow in responsibility?

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4. Why is letting go of our children and shooting them like an arrow such a hard thing to do? What are

some negative consequences when we don’t allow that to happen?

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5. It’s important that we let our children to mature and to increase their responsibility in life. But what is

our ultimate target that we want our children to hit? Read 1 Kings 2:2; 1 Corinthians 16:13-14 to

assist.

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6. It’s important to let our children know that we are releasing them into the world. What are some

things (a rite of passage) that we can do to show them that we have released them to the world?

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A Man and his friends

Introduction

It’s amazing to see

the relationships

between men in the

Bible. Read 2

Corinthians 2:13.

What do we learn

about Paul and

Titus?

________________

________________

These words are

found in the

scriptures: “Your

love to me was more

wonderful than the

love of women.” Who

said these words?

Read 2 Samuel

1:26. Some may be

surprised to see who

said this.

Yet we are reminded

in the scriptures of

the importance of

friends. One of the

core pillars of being

a Tender Warrior is

being a friend. Yet,

it’s hard for some

men to have close

male friends.

1. Read 2 Samuel 1:26. Are you surprised that King David would say this to Jonathon? Explain. _______________________________________________________________________________

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2. How would you describe your own friendships with other men? Casual? Close? Intimate? Nonexistent? _______________________________________________________________________________

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3. Would you agree that it’s important for men to have close friends who are men? YES/NO. Why is it

difficult for some men to have close male friends?

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4. Jesus had friends. It also appears that he had certain men who were close to Him. Read Matthew

17:1-5. Who was it that was often with Jesus? What can we learn from this with respect to having

male friends?

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5. Let’s go back to the story of David and Jonathon. What can we learn about friendship when we look

at these two men? Read 1 Samuel 20 to help answer this question.

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6. How many close male friends do you have? Not just the ones that you can casually talk to, but

rather have an intimate conversation with? If you’re not happy with your answer, what do you think

is holding you back from having close male friends?

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Four Piton Principles of Friendship

Introduction

Do you know what a

“piton” is? If so, write

the definition down.

If not, then look it up

the definition of it.

________________

________________

After learning what a

“piton” is, we can

see the value of

having a piton

friendship. It’s

something that all

men desperately

need. Yet few seem

to have.

In our last lesson we

spoke about the

importance of having

male friends. We will

continue that theme

in this lesson.

Let’s examine four

principles of

friendship that we

need and that we

can provide to our

friends.

1. How would you define a piton of friendship? _______________________________________________________________________________

2. Read 1 Samuel 14:1-20. Explain what happens with Jonathon. Now read 1 Samuel 17:26. While we know that David would defeat the Philistine, Jonathon was absent in standing up to fight. What do you think changed from chapter 14 to 17? _______________________________________________________________________________

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3. From 1 Samuel 17:55-18:1 we find that David and Jonathon would become and remain close

friends. One reason this may have happened was because of shared values. Why is this important

to have friends who share the same values?

_______________________________________________________________________________

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4. From the relationship between David and Jonathon we can learn that they had unselfish love for

one another, 1 Samuel 18:1-4. Why is this quality so important in our relationships with men?

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5. David and Jonathon expressed deep loyalty for one another, 1 Samuel 19: 1-5, 20:13-15. Why is

loyalty in friendships critical?

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6. David and Jonathon were transparent with one another, 1 Samuel 20:3, 9, 41. Why is transparency

so important in our friendships with one another?

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Lesson 14

Tender Warriors


The Four Marks of a Finisher

Introduction

So far this quarter

we have discussed

some great

principles regarding

becoming a Tender

Warrior. Becoming a

Tender Warrior is a

big deal. But the

truth is, some will

take this class, and

forget most of the

things we have

discussed. Don’t be

that guy. We have to

finish and

accomplish what we

have begun.


look at four elements

that are required to

become a great

finisher. Those four

things are…

A clear eye for the

goal

A strong heart to get

there

A little fire in the

belly

A certain confidence

1. Name some great finishers in the sports arena or business arena. _______________________________________________________________________________

2. Can you name some men from the Bible outside of Jesus that were great finishers? Identify at least three men who were great finishers. What made these men finish well? _______________________________________________________________________________

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3. Now identify at least three men who either failed to finish or finished poorly. What caused these

men to finish poorly?

_______________________________________________________________________________

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4. I listed the four elements that are needed to become great finishers. Read them again and see if

you can summarize each one with one or two words.

_______________________________________________________________________________

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5. Self-Examination: In what areas in your life do you need to become more focused and finish what

you have begun? What’s hindering you from becoming a great finisher?

_______________________________________________________________________________

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Caleb: A man who was a great finisher

Introduction

In our last class we

discussed the four

marks of being a

great finisher. Do

you remember what

they are?


continue to focus our

thoughts on this idea

of finishing. While

many men begin

their marriage

strong, far too many

give up when the

time gets tough.

Sadly, the same is

true with parenting.

We are in this to win

it. Therefore, we

don’t give up.


consider the man by

the name of Caleb,

Read Joshua 14:6-

15. What’s going on

right now in the

history of Israel?

________________

________________

________________

1. Read Joshua 14:8, 9, 14. What words are mentioned a couple of times in these verses? _______________________________________________________________________________

_______________________________________________________________________________

2. Why was Caleb so intent on getting his piece of land? _______________________________________________________________________________

_______________________________________________________________________________

3. In our last lesson we discussed the four elements a finisher requires. Let’s examine Caleb more

closely to see how he possessed these traits. The first trait “A focused pursuit.” Read Joshua 14:6-

12. Something is mentioned numerous times in these verses, which shows us where Caleb was

focused on accomplishing. What is it?

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4. The second trait is “An undivided heart.” Read Joshua 14:7. What did Caleb focus on during the

wilderness wandering? A heart that’s divided is dangerous. What is potentially dividing your heart

from fully serving God?

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5. The third trait is “A driving intensity.” It’s obvious that Caleb was intense. He was 85 years old and

still going strong. Why is that many guys will lose the drive to finish what they have begun?

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6. The fourth trait is “A certain confidence.” Caleb had faith to finish. He had optimism. Why is this so

important for us if we plan to be great finishers?

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The Ultimate Tender Warrior

Introduction

Who would you say

is the ultimate

Tender Warrior? If

you said Jesus then

you are correct.

Earlier in the quarter

as we began looking

at the four pillars of a

Tender Warrior, our

model we used was

Jesus.

We need to go back

to Jesus and to

consider some more

things we can learn

from Him. Jesus is

the Ultimate Tender

Warrior, yet many

ignore His example.

Hopefully, we don’t

fall into this

category. We need

to be men like

Jesus.

Jesus reminds us of

what it means to be

a man.

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1. Read Luke 2:40-52. Jesus matured into manhood. In what areas of His life did He mature? _______________________________________________________________________________

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2. Do you think following in the footsteps of Jesus will diminish our manhood? Explain. _______________________________________________________________________________

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3. Do something easy. Read through the book of Mark in one setting. What stands out to you about

Jesus as a man? What traits do you need to emulate?

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4. If a hidden observer were to study your actions for thirty days, what conclusions would they make

about your purpose in life? Where would they say you were headed in life?

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5. Ultimately, our lives must be about Jesus. What areas of your life do you need to surrender more to

Jesus?

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