PBIS At Home

Lighted School House

October 21, 2010

PBIS Tips for Positive

Behavior

At Home

#1

Remember 5:1 with positives!

5 positive comments for every 1 ―negative‖ or

correction comment.

Focus on desired behaviors (Instead of ―Stop

yelling!‖ say, ―Use your inside voice.‖ Instead

of ―No hitting!‖ say, ―Keep your hands to

yourself.‖)

#2

Set the stage for success, proactively anticipate the

situation. Examples:

- My son, Max: gets distracted in the morning while eating breakfast—

does much better when the island is cleared of ―distracters‖

-Use technology! Have your child learn to set the alarm on their cell phone

for reminders (getting up in the morning; soccer practice; time to practice

an instrument or do homework). You do less ―nagging,‖ they learn

responsibility.

-We do this naturally with our kids as toddlers (time outings around

mealtimes, naps, etc.), but less as our kids get older.

#3

Give clear, specific directions.

- A person cannot feel successful & repeat the

desired behavior if he/she doesn’t know what

behavior to repeat.

- Ex. A broad direction ―clean the living room‖ may not get

the desired result. Instead, be specific: ―Vacuum the carpet,

dust the shelves, pick up the magazines‖ is easier to figure out

what is expected.

#4

Stay Calm. Use a Calm voice.

-Enough said, although easier said

than done at times!

#5

Set reasonable limits.

-Ex. 9:00 bedtime may be needed on a school night, but not on a weekend.

-Ex. 1-2 hours total ―screen time‖ – TV + computer + video games.

-Talk to friends with similar-aged kids—find out what the ―norm‖ is for

curfews, etc. then do what YOU can live with!

-Giving up some control may be hard/scary for parents, but kids have to

learn responsibility.

-Kids are kids—most will ―test‖ limits at some point, this is normal and

expected. Your response will let them know how much they can push.

This leads to #6…

#6

Be consistent! YES means YES and NO

means NO.

-Kids are smart. They figure out quickly if we as parents will follow

through or not.

-If you make an exception to a rule, point it out as such to your child. ―The

rule is usually 1 hour of screen time a night on a school night, but tonight is

different/special because… tomorrow will be back to 1 hour.‖

-Kids WANT limits and want to know what to expect. Being consistent

gives them a sense of safety/security.

-We are human—forgive yourself (and your spouse!) if you (or they) ―slip

up‖ and try to be more consistent next time!

#7

Set the example. Actions speak

louder than words.

- ―Do as I say, but not as I do,‖ doesn’t really

work too well.

-Admit your mistakes and apologize if needed.

This lets our kids know adults ―mess up‖ too

and it models how to ―fess up.‖

#8

Re-teach, remind, refresh,

REINFORCE!

-We all need reminders about what is expected from us—our

kids are no different.

-This is especially true when learning new skills/breaking old

habits. It’s easy to fall back into old habits (think about

dieting, starting a new exercise regimen, etc.).

-Reinforce your kids with positive verbal comments and other

―tangible‖ reinforcers.

#9

Have patience. A little goes a long way!

-Take a deep breath and count to 10 to yourself before responding if

needed.

-Give yourself a parental ―time out‖ in another room.

-Communicate with your spouse or partner; tag-team if necessary!

-If you are a single parent, enlist friends or family members to give you a

―break‖ once in a while. This is good for you and your kids!

-Take time for yourself and time to be with your significant other away

from your children on a regular basis—this refreshes you and them!

#10

HAVE FUN & Enjoy the Ride!

-We only get our children for a relatively short time. My dad

used to say, ―You don’t own your children, you only get to

rent them for 18 years.‖

-Our children are an investment. It’s like putting money in an

IRA for retirement. If we take the time and effort when they

are young, the rewards/dividends will pay off exponentially

when they are older.

Sample Home Reinforcers

NON-TANGIBLE

REWARDS

Extra time on computer

Choosing the family movie/TV Show

Family game night

Other special activity with parent(s)

Having a friend over

Staying up a little bit later

Choosing the radio station in car

Extra video game time

Get out of 1 chore ―free‖

Ask your child—they will have ideas!

TANGIBLES (things) Allowance

Going to the movies

Going out for ice cream

Extra ―minutes‖ on cell phone or

texting

Going bowling

Picking out family dessert/meal

Renting a movie

Special toy

Other things as budget allows!