Kara No Kyoukai Ch.1

8/2/2019 Kara No Kyoukai Ch.1

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Chapter1

Chapter1:OverlookingViewThischapterisanintrototheworldandthecharactersofKaranoKyoukai.

PART6/6completed!!Part1

NOTE1:Thisistranslatedfromthewebpageversion,soitisslightlydifferentfromthebookversion.

NOTE2:Iwillnottranslatethewholebook,onlythechaptersthatwereavailableviatheweb.

NOTE3:NOTPROOFREAD.Pleaseignoreanybadwording/grammer

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Thatday,Ichosetotakethemainstreettogohome.Itwasjustonawhim,averyrarethingformetodo.

WhenIwaswalkingmidstthebuildingsIseeeveryday,someonecamecrashingdown.Awetcrushingsoundthatyouwillnormallyneverhear.Itwasobviousthatthepersondiedafterfallingoffoneofthebuildings.Acrimsoncolorspreadsa

crosstheground.Theonlythingthat'sleftnoticeablewasthedarkblackhair,andthethin,white,weak-lookingarmsandlegs...Andthesmashedupface.Thewholescenewassurroundedbytheoldsummer,anditremindedmeofapressedflowerthathasflattenedoutfrombeinginbetweenabook.

...Probably,becausethecorpsewhichhadonlyitsneckbrokenlookedlikeabrokenlilytome...

1.OverlookingView(Thanatos)-FujohKirie-

/1

OnthenightatthebeginningofAugust,Mikiyacamebywithoutanynotice.

"Goodevening.Youlooklazyasalways,Shiki"

Thesuddenvisitorstoodbythedoorashegivesaboringgreetingwithasmile.

"Totellyou,Ijustsawanaccidentonmywayhere.Agirljumpedoffofatopofabuilding,it'sasuicide.Iheardit'shappeningquiterecentlybutIneverthoughtI'dseeonemyself.Here,putthisinthefridge."

Hethrowsmeaplasticbagofaconveniencestoreasheuntieshisshoesbythedoor.InsidearetwostrawberryHaagendasz.IguesshemeansIshouldputtheminthefridgebeforetheymelt.

WhileIwasslowlycheckingoutwhat'sinsidethebag,Mikiyahastakenoffhisshoesandhasalreadycameinside.

Myhouseisaroominamansion.Ifyougopastthehallwaywhichisn'tevenameterlong,yougettotheroomwhereit'sbothmybedroomandmylivingroom.WhileglaringatMikiya,whoisquicklymakinghiswaytomyroom,Ifollowhim.

"Shiki.Youskippedschoolagaintoday,right?Idon'tcareaboutyourgrades,butyouwon'tbeabletopassunlessyougetthereuiredattendance.Didyouforgetaboutourpromisetogotocollegetogether?"


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"Doyouhavetherighttoordermearoundaboutmyschool?Firstofall,Idon'trememberthatkindofpromise,andyou'vealreadydroppedoutofcollege."

IglareatMikiyaasIsayso.Helooksdowncastwhiletryingtocomeupwithwords.

"...Uh,ifyousayrights,therearen'tanyrightsforanybody,but..."

Soundingsophisticated,Mikiyasitsdown.

Hetendstoletouthistruefeelingswhenhe'sonthedefence...it'ssomethingIrecalledjustrecently.

Mikiyasitsdowninthemiddleoftheroom.AsIsitdownonthebedbehindhim,Ilaymybodyacrossit.Mikiyastillhashisbackturnedtome.IthoughtlesslylookatMikiya'sback,whichisabitsmallforabeingaguy.

ThismannamedKokutohMikiyaseemstobemyfriendfrombackinhighschool.

Intherapidagefullofyoungsterswhichmanythingsgetfamousandgoesawayquickly,Mikiyawasararepersonthatkeptanimageofastudent.

Hedoesn'tdyehishairorletitgrowlong.Hedoesn'tgetatanorwearaccess

ories.Hedoesn'tcarryacellphoneorplayaroundwithwomen.Heisaround170cmorso.Hiskind-lookingfaceismoreonthecutersideandhishugeblackglassesmakesthatfeaturestandoutevenmore.

Eventhoughheisdressednormallyandhe'soutofschool,hemightlookgoodenoughtocatchafewpeople'sattentionifheactuallydressednicely.

"Shiki,areyoulistening?Isawyourmother.YoushouldgovisityourhouseofRyohgiatleastonce.Iheardthatyouhaven'tevencontactedthemsinceyougotoutofthehospitaltwomonthago."

"...Idon'tcare.Itcan'tbehelpedcauseIcan'treallytakeinthefact.We'lljustfeelmoredistantevenifweseeeachother.Istillfeelweirdtalking

toyou,sothere'llbenowayI'llbeabletokeepupaconversationwiththosestrangers."

"Geez,thingswon'tgetanybetterifyoukeepactinglikethat.You'llbelikethisforeverifyoudon'topenupyourhearttothem.It'snotrightforafamilytolivesoclosetogetherandyetnevertalktoeachother."

Ifrownatthosewords.

Hesays"notright",butwhatexactlyis"notright"?There'snothingillegalinwhat'shappeningbetweenmeandmyparents.It'sjustthatthechildhasgotteninanaccidentandlostallmemories.Weareproventobeafamilyunderthelawandbythepapers,soI'dassumethere'snothingwronginbetweenus.

...Mikiyaalwaysworriesabouthowotherpeoplefeel.AlthoughIthinkthat'sjustpointless...

***

RyohgiShikiismyfriendsincehighschool.

Ourschoolwasafamousprivatehighschoolwhichtaughtalotofstudentswhowenttoagoodcollege.


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WhenIfirstwenttoseeifIgotintheschoolornot,thenameRyohgiShikistoodoutsomuchthatitstuckinmyheadandweendedupbeinginthesameclass.Sincethen,IbecameoneofthefewfriendsShikihad.

Ourschooldidnothaveuniforms,soeveryoneexpressedthemselvesbyhowtheydressed.Withinallthesepeople,Shikistillstoodout.

...BecauseShikiwouldalwaysbewearingakimono.

It'ssimpleformfitShiki'sshouldersanditmadetheclassroomfeellikeaold-stlyehousejustbyhavingShikiwalkthroughit.Someofthestudentshadarocker-styleoutfit,butinfrontofShiki,suchanoutfithadlessvaluetoitthanthefirsteditionofthemagazine"STYLE".IthinkthisisenoughtoexplainwhatkindofapersonShikiislike.

Shiki'sfacewasalsotooperfect.

Thehairisbeauifullikesilk,anditiscutwithsissorslazilyandkeptlikethat.ButitbecomesaperfectshorthairthatislongenoughtohideShiki'sear,whichsuitsShikisomuchthatmanypeoplemistakenShiki'ssex.Shikilookssohandsomethatwhenamanlooks,theyseeawoman,andwhenawomanlooks,theyseeaman.Shikilooksmorevaliantthanbeautiful.

ButmorethanShiki'slooks,whatcaptivatedmethemostwereShiki'seyes.Theyweresharpyetdelicate,anditcamewiththinbrows.ItfeltlikeShikiwasseeingwhatwewereunabletoseewiththoseeyes,andthatiswhateverythingShikimeanttome.

Yes.

UntilShikiendeduplikethat...

***

"Suicidebyjumpingoffsomething.Wouldthatbeconsideredanaccident,Mikiya?"

Mikiyagetshimselftogethertothatmeaninglessrant.Andheseriouslystartsthinkingaboutthequestion.

"Hmmm,I'msureit'sanaccident...butyou'reright.Iwonderwhatthatis.Sinceit'sasuicide,thepersonisdead.Butaslongasitisthatperson'swilltodoso,theblameisonlyonthatperson.Butsincefallingfromahighplaceisanaccident..."

"It'snotamurderoranaccidentaldeath?That'sambiguous.Theyshouldpickawaysotheywon'ttroubleothersiftheyweregoingtokillthemselves."

ItseemsmywordsangeredMikiyaabitashetakesaglancebehindhimtowardsm

e.

"Shiki,it'snotnicetotalkbadlyaboutdeadpeople."

Hisvoiceisnottoscoldme,butitissaidinaplaintone.Isawthatresponsecomingamileaway.

"Kokuto,Ihateyourcommonsensetalk."

Naturally,myresponsegetsabitharsh.Butitdoesn'tseemlikehecaresatal


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l.

"Wow,itsbeenalongtimesinceyoucalledmelikethat."

"Really?"

Mikiyanods.

Icallhimintwoways:KokutoandMikiya.Ididn'tlikethesoundof"Kokuto"...althoughIdon'texactlyknowwhy.

Inthatsmallsilencethatformedduringmypondering,Mikiyaclapshishandasifherememberedsomething.

"Oh,onthenoteofsomethingthat'srare,mysisterAzakasawit."

Notunderstandingwhathe'stalkingabout,Imakeafrown.

"It'sthatthing.ThegirloftheFujiyohbuilding,theonetheysayisflyingaround.Yousaidyousawittooonce."

Oh,Iremembernow.

Fromaroundthreeweeksago,intheskyaboveanexpensivemansionintheoffice

district,ahuman-likeformcouldbeseen.ThefactthatAzakasawittoomustmeanitreallydoesexist.

AfterIwasinacomafortwoyearsafterthataccident,Iwasabletoseethingsthatwere"notsupposedtobethere".AsToukowouldputit,Iamnotseeingthembutratherobservingthem.Inotherwords,itseemsthatIamabletoperceiveatahigherlevelwithmyeyesandbrain,butIdon'tcareaboutalltheexplanations.

"ThethingattheFujiyoubuilding,Isawthatthingafewtimes.ButIhaven'tbeenaroundthereforsometime,soIdon'tknowifit'sstillthere."

"Isee.IgobytherealotbutIneversawit."

"Youcan'tseeitcauseyou'rewearingglasses."

"Idon'tthinkglassesmatter",frownsMikiya.

Hisreactionissowarmandpure.That'sprobablywhyit'sharderforhimtoseethosekindsofthings.

Butboringincidentskeeponhappeninglikepeoplefallingandflying.Idon'tunderstandthemeaningbehindallthat,soIquestionoutloud.

"Mikiya,doyouknowwhypeoplefly?"

Mikiyashrugsatmyunexpectedquestionandanswersinanormaltone.

"Idon'tknowwhytheyflyorfall,becauseI'veneverdonesuchthingsbefore."

/2

OnthenightattheendofAugust,Idecidedtotakeawalk.

Theairisabitcoldfortheendofasummer.Thelasttrainhasalreadyleftandthetownisquiet.


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It'scold,quiet,andold,justlikeadeadcity.Eventhepasser-byseemssocoldandsoartificiallikephotos.Itremindedmeofanuncurabledisease....disease,illness,sickening.

Everything,theunlightedhouses,thelightedconveniencestore...everythingseemstheywouldcrumbledowniftheylettheirguardsdown.

Initall,themoonshinesthroughthenight.

Inthisworldwhereeverythingisdead,itseemslikethemoonistheonlythingalive,andithurtsmyeyes.

...That'swhatImeanbysickening

WhenIleftthehouse,Iputonablackleatherjacketontopofmylightbluekimono.

Thekimonogetstrappedinsidethejacketandburnsmybody.

Butit'sstillnothot...no,rather...

Forme,itwasnevercoldtobeginwith.

***

Eventhoughit'smidnight,youwillseesomepeopleifyoutakeawalk.

Amanhurryingdownthestreetwithhisfacedown.

Ayoungmanponderinginfrontofavendingmachine.

Manypeoplethathangoutinfrontoftheconveniencestore.

Itriedtofigureoutwhatreasonstheyhadforbeingthere,butIneverdidfigureitoutbeingjustanoutsider.

Firstofall,therewasnomeaningbehindmyselfwalkingoutlateatnight.

I'mjustrepeatingwhatIusedtodobefore.

...Twoyearsago.

Me,calledRyohgiShiki,wasabouttoheaduptothesecondyearinmyhighschoolwhenIgotinanaccident.Iwascarriedstraighttothehospital.

Iheardthatmybodydidn'tgetanyseriouswounds,butthethedamagewasconcentratedinmyhead.

Sincethen,Iwasinacoma.

Maybebecausemybodywasuninjured,thehospitalkeptmealive,andmymeaninglessbodyalsotriedtoliveon.

Andfinally,abouttwomonthsago,RyohgiShikirecovered.

Iguessthedoctorsweresoshockedasifacorpsehascomebacktolife.Isee,thattellsmehowmuchtheyexpectedmyrecovery.

Andmyselftoo,Iwasshockedforanotherreason.


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Mymemoryuptonowwasabitweird.

Toputitsimply,IcannottrustthememoriesIhave.

Thisisdifferentfrommemorydisorder,orratherwhatpeopleusuallycallamnesia.

AccordingtoTohko,memoryiscomposedoffoursystemsthatthebrainoperates:Writing,saving,replaying,andrecognizing."Writing"istakingwhatyouseeandwritingitintoyourbrainasinformation."Saving"istokeepthatinformationstored."Replaying"istorecallthestoredinformation.Inotherwords,remembering."Recognizing"istoconfirmthattheinformationrecalledisthesameastheeventthatactuallyoccured.

Ifonecannotperformanyoneoftheseprocesses,theyhaveamemorydisorder.Ofcourse,dependingonwhichsystemisdisfunctional,thecaseofmemorydisorderwillvary.

Butitmycase,allthesefunctionsareworkingproperly.Ican'treallyfeelmypreviousmemoriesasmyown,butthefunctionof"recognizing"isworkingproperlyasIcantellthatthememoryisindeedthesameaswhatI'veexperiencedbefore.

Butstill,Icouldnotbeconfidentaboutmypreviousself.IcouldnotfeelthatIamwhoIwas.

EvenifIdoremembermymemoryasRyohgiShiki,Icanonlyrecognizethememoryassomeoneelse's.Eventhoughthere'snodoubtthatI'mRyohgiShiki...

ThetwoyearsofemptynesshasreducedRyohgiShikiintonothing.

Notwhatthesocietythinks,butithascausedwhat'sinsideofmetocrumbleintonothing.MymemoryandthepersonalityIshouldhavehad...theconnectionwasutterlydestroyed.

Withthatbeingthecase,mymemorybecamenothingbutanimage.

Butbecauseofthatimage,IamabletoactlikeIusedto.IcancommunicatewiththepeopleIknewandmyparentsastheRyohgiShikitheyknew.Butwithoutanyconcernformyrealfeelings.

Tobehonest,thattroublesmesomuchthatIcanalmostnotstandthepain.

......It'sjustmimicryI'mnotlivingatall.

Justlikeanewbornbaby.Idon'tknowanythingandIhaven'texperiencedanything.Butthememoryofthepasteighteenyearshasmademeintoacompletehuman.

Ialreadyhavetheemotionspeopleoriginallylearnfromexperiencingmanyeventsasmymemory.ButIhavenotactuallyexperiencedthem.ButevenifIwantedtoexperiencethem,Ialreadyknowaboutthem.Thereisnoamazementnorfeelingofbeingalive....Justlikenotbeingabletobesurprizedbyamagicwhichyoualreadyknowthetrickto.

Andjustlikethat,IcontinuetoactlikeIusedtowithoutfeelingthatI'malive.


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Thereasonissimple.

BecauseifIdoso,Imightbeabletoreturntomypreviousself.

BecauseifIactlikethat,ImightfigureoutthereasontowhyItakethesewalkslateatnight.

...OhIsee.

ThenIguessyoucouldsaythatIaminlovewithmypreviousself.

/3

LookingupafternoticingthatIhavewalkedalongway,IfindoutIamintheofficeditrict.

Buildingsofthesameheightarestandingside-by-sidealongtheroadinawell-manneredfashion.Thesurfaceofthebuildingsarefilledwithglasswindows,andtheyareonlyreflectingthemoonlightrightnow.

Inthedarkness,thelargemirrorcreatedbythebuildingsarereflectingeachother'sfiguresindistinctively.

It'saquietnighttonight.

Thegroupofbuildingsbythemainstreetislikeaworldofshadowsthatthemonstersroamaroundin.

Deepinit,thereisashadowtallerthantherest.Thatbuildinglikeatwenty-storyhighladderlookedlikeatowerreachingforthemoon.

ThenameofthetowerisFujiyoh.

TherearenolightsoninthemansioncalledtheFujiyohbuilding.Theresidentsareprobablyallasleep.Probablybecauseit'salmosttwointhemorning.

Atthatinstant,anuninterestingshadowcatchesmyeyes.

Asilhouetteofafloatinghumanformcomesintomyvision.Notasafigureofspeech,butthegirlisreallyfloating.

Thereisnowind.

Thecoldnessintheairisabnormalforsummer.

Theboneinmynapecreaksfromthecoldness.

Ofcourse,it'sjustmyillusion.

"Isee.Soyou'reheretodaytoo."

Idon'tlikeit,butIcan'thelpwhatIcansee.

Andjustlikethat,thegirlweweretalkingaboutisflyingasifsheislyingonthemoon.Part2

Theimageisthatofandragonfly.Busilyflying.


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Abutterflycametofollow,butmyspeeddoesnotgodown.Thebutterflyeventuallycouldnotkeepupandfellasitwasabouttogooutofmyvision.Itfallsmakinganarch.Thefallingmotionlikethatofasnakelookedlikeabrokenlily.Theimageisareallysadone.Eventhoughwecannotgotogether,Ishouldhaveatleaststayedbyitssideabitlonger.Butthatisimpossible.BecauseasIdonothavemyfeetontheground,Idonotevenhavethefreedomtostandandstop.

***

SinceIcouldhearsomeonetalking,Idecidetogetup.

...Myeyelidsareprettyheavy.ThisisproofthatIstillneedtwomorehoursofsleep.

AsIthinktomyselfthatIampettyforstilltryingtowakeupinthatstate,mywillhaswonovermysleepiness.

...Really,I'mtroubledathowsimpleIam.

IthinkIfinishedupwritingthedrawingplanafterworkingonitallnight,an

dwenttosleepinTohko-san'sroom.

WhenIraisemyselffromthesofa,Iamindeedintheoffice.Inthesummersunlight,ShikiandTohko-sanseemtobetalkingaboutsomething.

Shikiisleaningonawallwhilestandingup,andTohko-sanissittingonapipechaircrosslegged.

"Morning,Kokutoh"

ThelookonTohko-san'sfacewhichismorelikeaglareisonlynormal....Seeingthatshehasherglassesoff,IguessshewastalkingwithShikiabout"those"kindsofthings.

Onthenoteofnormal,sheisdressedlikenormallyaswell.

Withherhairshortandherneckshowing,Tohko-sanlookslikeasecretary.Butsinceherglarelookssoscary,Ibetshewon'tevergetthatkindofaposition.

Theblackthinpantsandtheseeminglynewwhiteshirtsuitsher.

"Sorry,IguessIfellasleep."

Itrytomakeupanexcuse.

"Don'texplaintheobvious.Icantell."

Cuttingmeofflikethat,shetakeshercigarettetohermouth.

"Ifyou'reawake,gomakesomethingtodrink.Itshouldbeagoodrehabilitation."

Shemustmeanreformationwhenshesaysrehabilitation.

Idon'tknowwhyshewouldsaythattome,butsinceTohko-sanisalwaysliketh


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at,Idecidenottoquestionher.

"Doyouwantanything,Shiki?"

"I'mfine.I'mgoingtobedsoon."

Sayingso,Shikidoesindeedseemtobelackingsleep.

MaybeshetookawalklastnightafterIleft.

/2

NexttotheroomwhichisbothTohko-san'sroomandtheofficeisaroomlikeakitchen.

Maybeitwasanlaborsomethingbefore,butthesinkhasthreefaucetsinarow.Twoofthosehavemetalwireswrappedarounditandarenotforuse.Thereasonforthatisunknowntome.Butifyoulookatit,itwillletyouknowabithowboxersfeelwhentheyaretryingtoloseweight.Butyoudon'tgetmuchthankfulbecauseyoustartfeelingviolent.

Well.Iturnthecoffeemakerontomakecoffeeforthetwoofus.Idosoveryefficiently.I'malreadyamasteratbrewingcoffee.Butit'snotlikeI'mworkingheretomaketeaorcoffee...

It'sbeenhalfayearsinceIgotemployedhere.

No,thewordemployisnotright.Becausethisplaceisnotevenafunctionalworkplace.

Icamehereinspiteofthat,probablybecauseIfellinlovewiththatperson'swork.

AfterShikistoppedtimeattheageofseventeen,Igraduatedhighschoolandenteredcollegewithoutapurpose.

ItwasapromisemadewithShikitoenterthatcollege.

EvenifShikihadlittlehopeofrecovery,Istillwantedtokeepthatpromise.

Butnothingwasthereformeafterthat.AfterIbecameacollegestudent,Ijustlivedthroughthedays.

WhileIwaslivingaimlesslylikethat,IwenttoanexhibitIwasinvitedto,andendedupfindingadoll.

Itwasadollmadesodelicate,itseemedtobeatthelimitsofaman'sskills.Itwaslikeafrozenhuman,yetIthinkitexpressedthatit'sjustathingwithhumanshapewhichwillnevermove.

Butitwasjusttoobeautiful...

It'sahumanabouttostartmovinganysecondnow.Butit'sadollwhichdoesnothaveanylifetobeginwith.Aplacewhereonlythingswithlifecanreach,yetaplacewherenohumancanreach...

Ifellinlovewiththatambivalence.

ProbablybecauseeverythingaboutitsexistancewasexactlylikeShikibackthen.


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Itwasunknownwherethedollcamefrom.

Thepamphletdidnotevenshowofitsexistance.

WhenIdesperatelylookedforthesource,Ifoundoutthatitwasmadebyavolunteerandthecrafterwasonewithastrangerumorinthatindustry.

Thecrafter,whosenameisAozakiTohko,isahermittoputitsimply.Iguesshertruejobisdoll-making,butitseemsshedesignsbuildingsaswell.

Shedoesanythingthatinvolvesmakingsomething,butsheneveracceptsanyrequests.Shealwaysgoestosomeoneandshowsthemwhatshewillmake,andstartsmakingitonceshereceivesthepaymentupfront.

Shemustbeabigtimeprodigal,orjustabigweirdo.

IgotmoreandmorecuriousandIknewIshouldn'thave,butIfoundouttheaddressofthisweirdo(Icandeclaresowithconfidencenow!)

Itwasawayfromthecityanditwasanambiguousaddressnotintheresidentialdistrictortheindustrialdistrict.

Itwasn'tevenahouse.

Itwasanabandonedbuilding.

Andit'snotjustanormalabandonedbuilding.It'sreallyabandonedasit'sconstructionwasstartedafewyearsagowhentheeconomywasgoodandtheconstructionwasstoppedhalfwaywhentheeconomybecamebad.It'sshapeasabuildingisthere,buttheinterioristotallyunfinishedasthewallsandthefloorsarecompletelybare.

Itwouldhavebeensixstorieshighuponcompletion,butthere'snothingabovethefourthfloor.Now,it'smoreefficienttostartbuildingfromthetopfloor,butIguessitwasstillusingtheoldconstructionmethodbackthen.Sincetheconstructionwasstoppedhalfway,thehalf-donefifthfloorisliketherooftop.

Eventhoughthebuildingissurroundedbyatallconcretewall,it'seasytogetinto.It'samiraclesomekidsdidn'tmakeasecretbaseoutofit.

Anyways,IguessAozakiTohkoboughtthisabandonedbuilding.

Thekitchen-likeroomI'minrightnowisonthefourthfloor.ThesecondandthethirdfloorislikeTohko-san'sworkspace,soweusuallytalkonthefourthfloor.

...Let'sgetbacktothetopic.

Afterthat,IgottoknowTohko-sanandIendedupworkinghereandquittingthe

collegeIjustgotinto.

Unbelievably,Igetpaidhere.

AsTohko-sanputsit,therearetwotypesofpeoplewithoneoftwoattributes:Theonetomakeandonetosearch,theonetouseandtheonetodestroy.

ShetoldmefranklythatIhadnohopeastheonetomake,butshestillhiredme.ShesaidthatIhavetheabilityastheonetosearchorwhatnot.


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"You'reslow,Kokutoh"

Ihearherfromthenextroom.

Looking,Inoticethatthecoffeemakerisalreadyfilledwiththeblackliquid.

/3

"Iguesstheoneyesterdaymakeseight.Peopleshouldstarttonoticethesimilaritiesbynow."

Puttingouthercigarette,Tohko-sanabruptlysaysso.

Shemustbetalkingabouttherecentlyrepeatingsuicidesoffemalehigh-schoolstudentswhichtheyjumpoffofhighbuildings.

Ithinksobecausethere'snothingelseshewouldwanttotalkabout,withthissummerbeingonewithnoissuessuchaswater-shortage.

"Huh?Wasn'titsix?"

"Thereweremorewhileyouweredozingoff.ItstartedinJune,andit'saveragingaboutthreepermonth.Maybethere'llbeonemorewithinthenextthreedays."

Tohko-sansaysanillthing.Takingalookatthecalendar,Augustwillcometoanendinthreedays.......Threemoredays...?

Somethingaboutthatcatchesmyattention,butitfadesawayquickly.

"ButIheardtheyareallunrelated.Thegirlswhocommitedsuicidesareallsupposedlyfromdifferentschoolswithnoconnectiontoeachother.Well,itmightbethatthepoliceishidingthefact."

"You'renottrustingpeople?That'sunlikeyou."

Tohko-sangrins.

...Withherglassesoff,shecanbeinfinitelymean.

"Becausenowillhasbeentelevised.Six,noeightpeople.Ifthere'sthatmany,atleastoneshouldhaveleftbehindawill.Butifthepolicehasnotsaidanythingaboutit,you'dthinktheyarehidingthem."

"I'msayingthat'stherelation.OrIshouldsaytheconnectionpoint.Outoftheeight,morethanhalfareseenjumpingoffbythemselvesbywitnesses,buttheyareunabletofindanythingwrongwiththeirprivatelife.It'snotliketheyweredoingdrugsoraffliatedwithaweirdreligion.It'sdefinitelyasuicidewheretheyfeltuneasyaboutthemselvesandselfishlykilledthemselves.That'sprobablywhythecopsaren'ttakingabiginterestonthatpoint."

"Areyousayingthattherewasnowillfromthebeginning?"

AfterIsaysodoubtfully,Tohko-sannodsbutsaysshecan'tbetoosure.

Butcouldthatbepossible?

There'saninconsistancysomewhere.IthinkasItakethecoffeemugandtastethebitternessoftheliquidinside.


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Whywouldtherebenowill?Ifthereisnowill,peopleusuallywouldnotkillthemselves.

Awillisanattachmenttotherealworld.Whenapersonwhodoesnotliketodieisforcedtodie,thewilliswhattheyleavebehindasareasonfortheirdeath.

Asuicidewithoutawill...

Tohavenoneedtowriteawillmeanstheyhavenothingtoleavethisworld,andiswillingtodisappearwithoutanytraces.Thatwouldbetheperfectsuicide.Ithinkaperfectsuicidewouldbeonewithoutawillandeventhedeathitselfisnotfound.

Butcommittingsuicidebyjumpingoffabuildingisnotaperfectsuicide.Todieinawaytocatchpeople'sattentionseemsbyitselfawill.

Thenwhat?

Maybeit'sforadifferentreason...likesomeonestoletheirwill?No,thenthatwillnotbeasuicide.

Thenwhat?There'sonlyonelogicalanswerIcanthinkof.

Likeitsounds,maybethosewerejustaccidents.

Thegirlshadnointentionofdyingfromthebeginning.Thentherewouldbenoreasontowriteawill.It'slikegettinginvolvedinanunfortunateaccidentwhilegoingoutsideforabit.

JustlikewhatShikisaidlastnight.

...ButIcannotcomeupwithareasonwhytheywouldjumpoffabuildingwhentheywerejustgoingoutforabit.

"Thesuicideswillendateight.Therewon'tbeanymoreforawhile."

Shikicomesintotheconversationasiftointerruptmyragingthoughts.

EventhoughShikiseemstobeuninterestedinthissubject.

"Youcantell?"

Ihavetoask.

Shikinodswhilelookingfaraway.

"Iwentandlooked.Therewaseightthatwereflyingabout."

Thewell-shapedlipsletoutthosewords.

"Oh,sotherewerethatmanyatthatbuilding?Youknewfromthebeginninghowmanytherewere,Shiki?"

"Yeah,IfinisheditoffbutIthinkthosegirlswillstaythereforawhile.EventhoughIdon'tlikethatidea....HeyTohko.Doallthepeopleendupthatwaywhentheycanflyabitlikethat?"

"Idon'tknow.Youcan'tsayforsuresinceeveryone'sdifferentbutinthepast,ofthosewhohaveattemptedtoflywithjusthumanpowers,nonehassucceeded.


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Thewordflyandfallaretiedtogether.Butthemoreyou'rehookedtoflying,themoreyouforgetaboutthatfact.Asaresult,youenduptryingtoreachtheskiesevenafteryoudie.Notfallingtotheground,butasiffallingtowardthesky."

ShikifrownsatTohko-san'sresponse.

Shiki'sangry...butatwhat?

"Sorry,butIdon'tquitefollowtheconversation."

"Hmm?We'retalkingabouttheghostoftheFujiyohbuilding.AlthoughIcan'tsayforsureifit'sjustanimageorarealthingunlessItakealookatit.IwasthinkingofgoingtotakealookatitifIhadthetime,butifShiki'skilledit,there'snowayformetochecknow."

...Isee.AsIexpected,theyweretalkingabout"those"kindofthings.

WhenShikiandTohko-sanwithoutherglassestalktogether,theyusuallytalkabouttheseoccult-likethings.

"YouheardthestorythatShikisawthegirlfloatingattheFujiyohbuilding,right?Thatstoryhadmoretoitanditseemsthere'sahuman-likefigureflyingaroundthosefloatinggirls.Weweretalkingthatsincetheywon'tgoawayfrom

theFijiyohbuilding,maybethatplacewaslikeanetorsomething."

I'mtroubledathowmuchweirderandcomplexthestoryhasbecome.

AsifTohko-sancantellmyconfusion,shesumsupthewholething.

"Inotherwords,there'sonefloatinghumanattheFujiyohbuildingandarounditarethegirlswhodiedfromthesuicide.Thesegirlsareprobablysomethinglikeghosts.That'sprettymuchit."

Inod.

IunderstandthestorybutIguessI'mhearingthestoryafteritsoveragain.

SeeinghowShikitalked,itseemstheghostthingwasalreadytakencareof.

It'sbeentwomonthsinceIletthesetwomeet.I'mstartingtobecometheonetohearabouttheresultswhenitcomestothesekindsofstories.

Asanormalhumanbeingdifferentfromthesetwo,I'dliketostayawayfromthosestories.ButsinceIwouldnotliketobeignored,IthinkthisneutralstanceI'mholdingrightnowisperfect.

Iguesspeoplecallthisgoodnewswithinbadnews.Part3

/4

"Thatwholestorysoundslikeabadnovel."

Tohko-sanagrees.

Shikigetsmoreangryandstartstoglareatme.

HaveIdonesomethingtomakeShikimad?


14/29

"Huh?ButShikisawtheghoststhereatthebeginningofJuly,right?Thentherewereonlyfourghostsbackthen?"

Isaytheobviousjusttoconfirm,butShikisaysno.

"Eight.Therewereeightfromthebeginning.LikeItoldyou,therewon'tbeanymoreaftereight.Intheircase,theorderistheopposite."

"Thenyou'resayingyousaweightghostsfromthestart?Likethatonefuture-seeinggirl?"

"Noway.I'mnormal.It'sjustthattheairthereisabnormal.Let'ssee...itfeelsweirdlikehotwaterandcoldwaterbeingrightnexttoeachother."

Tohko-sanfollows-upShiki'sambiguouswords.

"Soinotherwords,thetimethereisnotworkingproperly.It'snotlikethere'sonlyonewayfortimetopassby.Thetimeittakesforsomethingtorotawayisunfairlydifferentforeverything.Thenitshouldfollowthatanindividualashumanandit'smemorytakedifferenttimestodisappear.Whensomeonedies,doesthatperson'smemorydisappear?Itdoesn't,right?Aslongasthereareobservers(onestoremember),nothingdisappearsinstantly.Theyjustfadeaway.People'smemory...no,ratherrecords,iftheobserverhappenedtobetheenvironmentaroundthatperson,specialpeoplelikethosegirlswillremainandwalkt

hroughtownasanillusionevenaftertheydie.Thisispartofaphenomenoncalledghosts.Theonlyoneswhoseethisillusionaretheonesthatsharethememorieswiththeseghosts,namelytheirparentsandfriends.Shikiisanexceptionthough.Therearethosekindsof"passageoftimeforrecords",butatthetopofthatbuilding,thatisreallyslow.Thegirls'memoriesfromwhentheywerealivehasnotcaughtuptotheirrealstateyet.Asaresult,thememoriesstayalive.Whatcanbeseentherearetheactionsandtherealitiesofthosegirlswhosetimehappenstobepassingbyslowly."

Then,Tohko-sanlightsanothercigarette.

Sosheissayingthatwhensomethinggoesaway,aslongasIrememberaboutit,

itdoesnotmeanithasdisappeared,butmerememberingaboutitmeansit'salive,soifit'salive,itcouldbeseen?

That'sjustlikehallucination....No,Tohko-sanprobablyusedtheword"illusion"becauseitisdefinedassomethingthatisn'treal.

"Idon'tcareaboutallthatexplanations.There'snodangerinthat.Theproblemisher.IknowIgotthatthinggood,butifthere'samainbodysomewhereelse,we'lljustenduprepeatingthisoverandoveragain.I'mtiredofbeingMikiya'sbodyguard."

"Ifeelthesameway.I'lltakecareofFujohKirie.YoucanjusttakeKokutohhome.There'saboutfivemorehoursuntilhe'soffwork.Ifyou'regoingtosleep

,youcanusethefloorthere."

TheplaceTohko-sanpointedwasaplacethathasnotbeencleanedforthepastyearandwaslikeadirtyfurnace.

Ofcourse,Shikiignoresher.

"So,whatwasthatanyway?"

ShikiglaresatTohko-san.


15/29

Thewizardwithacigaretteinhermouththinkstoherselfandwalksovertothewindow.

Fromthere,shelooksoutside.

Therearenolightingsinthisroom.Weonlygetthelightfromoutsideandit'shardtotellifitsmorningorafternooninhere.

Incontrast,theviewoutsidethewindowisclearlymid-day.Youcouldalmostseetheblazing-hotwhitesunlight.

Tohko-sanstaresatthesummerscenaryforawhile.

"Before,youcouldclassifyherasflying."

Thesmokesheblowsoutmixesinwiththewhitesunlight.

Istareatherbackasshelooksoutside...she'slikeamirageinallthiswhite.

"Kokutoh,whatdoyouthinkaviewfromahighplaceremindsyouof?"

Thissuddenquestionpullsmebackintoreality.

Ihaven'treallybeenatahighplacesinceIwenttotheTokyoTowerasachild.Idon'treallyrememberwhatIthoughtaboutitthen.OnlythingisthatItriedsohardtofindtheplaceIlived,butendedupnotbeingabletofindit.

"Maybesmall?"

"That'stooshrewdofaremark,Kokutou."

Acoldresponsecomesback.Well,Iwasabitdoubtfulaboutmyremarkmyself.Ipullmyselftogetherandtrytothinkofsomethingelse.

"Let'ssee.Thereisn'tmuchthatitremindsmeof,butIdothinkit'sbeautifu

l.Aviewfromahighplaceisoverwhelming."

Probablybecausethisresponsewasmorefrommyheart,Tohko-sannodsinagreement.

Andstillstaringoutside,Tohko-sancontinuestotalk.

"Thescenaryyouseeismagnificent.Evenanboringonelooksbeautiful.Butthat'snottheimpulseyoufeelwhenyoulookdownontotheworldyoulivein.Theoverlookingviewonlygivesyouoneimpulse..."

Sayingtheword"impulse",Tohko-sancutsoffhersentence.

Impulseisnotsomethingthatcomesfromwithinyoulikefeelings,butrathersomethingthatattacksyoufromtheoutside.Eveniftheoneattackedbyitdoesn'twantit.

Somethinglikeviolencethatattacksyouwithoutwarning,thatiswhatwecallimpulses.

Thenwhatistheviolencethatisbroughtbyanoverlookingview?

"Thatisbeing"far".Avisiontoobigcreatesavividseperationbetweenyouan


16/29

dtheworld.Peoplecanonlyfeelsafearoundthingsclosetothem.Evenifonehasthemostdetailedmapandknowsexactlywheretheyare,it'sonlyinformation,right?Forus,theworldisonlysomethingwecanfeelourselves.Theboundariesbetweencities,countries,andtheworld,isonlysomethingthatourbrainrecognizesandweourselvescannotfeelthemunlessweactuallygotothatplace.Andinreality,thereisnothingwrongwiththatwayofrecognition.Butifthevisionistoolarge,discrepancyoccurs.The10mareaaroundyouthatyouactuallyfeelandthe10kmareathatyouarelookingdownon.Theyareboththeworldyoulivein,yetyoufeelthefirstoneasmorereal.See?There'salreadyaninconsistancy.It'smorecorrectforyoutorecognizethelargerworldyouseeastheworldyouliveinratherthanthesmallspacearoundyou.Butnomatterhowhardyoutry,youcannotfeelthatyouarelivingonthisbigworld.Thereasonbeing,whatfeelsmorerealisalwayssomethingthatisaroundyou.Yourreasoningasyourknowledgeandyourexperienceasyourfeelingcrashesagainsteachotherandeventually,onewillloseandconfusionwillstart....howsmallthecityisfromuphere.Ican'tevenimaginemyhousewasdownthere.Wasthatparkshapedthatway?Ididn'tevenknowthatwasthere.ThisislikeatownIdon'tknowabout.ItfeelslikeI'vecometoaplacefaraway....Ahighperspectivebringsthesekindsofthinkings.Eventhoughthepersonisstillstandingononepartofthatcitythey'relookingdownon..."

Ahighplaceisaplacefaraway.Thatistruedistance-wise.ButTohko-sanmust

meanthementalaspectofit.

Twoplacesaparthorizontallyandvertically.Theonlydifferencebetweenthetwoisifyoucanorcan'tlookdownontheotherplace.

"Soyoumeanit'snotgoodtokeepyourvisionatahighplace?"

"Ifyougotoofar.Intheancienttimes,theskywasconsideredtobeanotherworld.Toflymeantgoingtotheotherworld.Youwillbedrownedinanotherwillifyoudonotprotectyourselfwithtechnology(metal).Justlikeitsounds,yougocrazy.Well,ifyoudohavearightprotectiononyourrecognition,youwon'tbeaffectedthatmuch.Itwon'tbeaproblemifyouhaveafirmplacetostandon.You'll

bebacktonormalwhenyougetbackontheground."

...Nowthatshementionsit,whenIwaslookingdownontheschoolgroundfromtherooftoponce,IsuddenlywonderedwhatwouldhappenifIjumpeddown.

Ofcourse,itwasjustajoke.

Ihadnointentionofactuallydoingso,butwhydidIgetthatthoughtwhenitobviouslyleadstodeath?

Tohko-sansaysthereareindividualdifferences,butIthinkit'scommonforpeopletoimagineaboutfallingwhenathighplaces.

"Doesitmeanyourmindgoescrazyjustforaninstant?"

Tohko-sanlaughswhenIblurtoutwhatIthought.

"Everyonedreamsaboutthetaboo,Kokutoh.Humanshavethegreatabilityofself-pleasurebyimaginingthingstheycannotdo.But...yeah,that'sprettyclose.Theimportantthingisthatthethoughtonlycomesataspecificplace-atthatplaceitself.Well,Iguessthat'sprettyobvious.Tospeakinyourcase,Ithinkyourmindisn'tcrazy,butrathernumb."


17/29

"Tohko,you'retalkingfortoolong."

ShikiinterruptsasiftosayShikican'tstanditanymore.Cometothinkofit,wemighthavestrayedoffthemaintopic.

"It'snotlongatall.Ifyousayintermsofconstructingatopic,we'reonlyonthesecondpart."

"Ionlywanttoheartheend.Idon'twanttohearyouguystalk."

"Shiki..."

It'smean,butIguessshealsohasapoint.

Shikicontinuestocomplain,ignoringme.

"And,yousaythere'saproblemwithviewsfromhighplaces.Thenwhatisanormalview?Evenwhenwe'rewalking,wehaveahigherviewthantheground."

IncontrasttoShiki'sattitudeoftryingtofindholes,Ithoughtthearguementdidhaveapoint.

Aperson'seyesarecertainlyatahigherlevelthantheground.Thenthatwouldmeanourviewissomewhatoverlookingtheworld.

Tohko-sannodsatShiki'swords.Iguessshe'sjustgoingtosaytheconclusionnow.

"Butthegroundyouthinkisflatisactuallyabitangled.Butevenincludingthat,younevercallournormalvisiontobeoverlookingsomething.Avisionisnotwhatyoureyessee,butit'sanimagethatyourbraincomprehends.Ourvisionisprotectedbycommonsense,soweneverfeelourheighttobehigh,andit'sevenconsiderednormal.There'snonotionthatit'shigh.Butontheotherhand,everyoneislivingwithavisionthatisoverlooking.Notaphysicalvision,butImeanourmentalvision.Everyoneisdifferent,butalargermindwilltrytogohigher.Butstill,itwillneverleaveitsbox.Humansaremadetoliveinabox,andtheycanonlysurviveinthebox.Humansc

annothavetheviewsoftheGods.Whenyoupassthatcertainline,youbecomemonsterslikethat.Hypnos(illusion)turnsintoThanatos(realdeath)."

Asshesaysso,Tohko-sanherselfisoverlookingtheworld.

Sheislookingdownwithherfeetontheground,whichIthoughtthatwasaveryimportantthing.Andthen,IrememberedthedreamIwaswatching.Thebutterflyfellattheend.Maybeshecouldhaveflownmoregracefullyisshehadnottriedtofollowme.Yes,ifsheflutteredasiftofloat,sheshouldhavebeenabletoflylonger.Butsincethebutterflyknewaboutflying,itcouldnotstandthelightnessofitsfloatingbody.

That'swhyitflew,quittingtofloat.Thinkingthatmuch,IquestionmyselfifIwasthatpoetic.Tohko-san,bythewindow,throwshercigaretteaway.

"TheflickerattheFujiyohbuildingmightbetheworldshewasseeing.IcanguessthatthedifferenceintheairShikifeltwastheboundarybetweentheoutsideworldandtheinsideofthebox.Thatisadiscontinuitythatonlyahumanmindcanperceive."

WithTohko-san'stalkfinished,Shikifinallyseemstorelax.


18/29

Shikiletsoutabreathandlooksaround.

"Discontinuity,huh?Iwonderwhichsidewasthewarmsideandwhichsidewasthecoldsideforher."

Incontrasttotheserioustone,Shikiactslikeitdoesn'tmatter.

Tohko-sanalsoactslikeshedoesn'tcare.

"Ofcourse,theoppositeofyou."

Andansweredso.Part4

...Theboneinmynapecreaks.

Isthecoldnessthat'smakingmetremblecomingfromoutsideorinsidemybody?Leavingwhatcan'tbedistinguishedaside,Shikikeepswalking.There'snosignofpeopleattheFujiyohbuilding.It'stwointhemorning.Onlythewhitelightilluminatesthehallwayofthemansion.Thecream-coloredwallsarelightenedupbythelightandIcouldseetotheendofthehallway.Theartificiallightwhichtakesawaythedarknesslookstooartificialthatitratherlooksscary.

Passingbythecardcheckerattheentrance,Ientertheelevator.

It'semptyinside.Thebackoftheelevatorhasamirrorattached,anditismadesothattheridercouldseethemselves.Insidethemirrorisapersonwearingablackleatherjacketoverlightbluekimono,withlazylookingeyes.Thoseeyeslookliketheycareaboutnothing.

Shikilooksatthefigureinthemirror,andpushesthebuttonthatsays"R".Withasmallstart-upsound,theworldaroundShikirises.Themachine-poweredboxwillreachthetopfloorinamatterofseconds.

Itisacloseduproomforthetimebeing.Nothingoccuringoutsiderightnowco

ncernsShiki,anditisimpossibletobeconcernedwiththeoutsideworld.Thatfeelingseepsintothesupposedlyemptymind.ThissmallboxistheonlyworldI'msupposedtofeelrightnow.

Thedooropenswithoutasound.What'soutsideisatotallydifferentworld,aworldofdarkness.

Aftergettingouttotheroomwhichonlycontainsthedoorleadingtotherooftop,theelevatorleavesShikiandgoesbackdowntothefirstfloor.Therearenolights,andthesurroundingispainfullydark.

Goingacrossthesmallroom,Shikiopensthedoorleadingtotherooftop.

...Theblackdarknessturnsintoafaintdarkness.

Thevisionfillsupwiththeviewofthecity.

TherooftopoftheFukiyohbuildingisaplainone.Thefloorismadeofflatconcrete,andthereisafencethatsurroundsthewholerooftop.ThereisonlyawatertowerontoptheroomShikiwasin,andthereisnothingelseinparticular.Therooftopitselfisaplainone.Buttheviewfromitiswhatisoutofthisworld.


19/29

Theviewofthenighttownfromthisbuildingthatisatleasttenstorieshigherthanthesurroundingsfeelsmorelonelythanbeautiful.Itfeelslikeyou'reontopatallladderlookingdownontotheworld.Thedark,bottomofthesea-likeviewiscertainlybeautiful.Thelightshereandtherearelikethelightsofthedeep-seafishes.

Ifmyviewrightnowisthewholeworld,thentheworldrightnowisindeedsleeping.Probablyforever,butunfortunatelytemporary.Thequietnesstightensmyheartmorethananycoldness,anditisratherpainful...

Thecoldnessinthenightskyisstandingoutasmuchasthecoldnessbelow.Ifthetownisthedeepsea,thentheskyisjustpuredarkness.Inthedarkness,starsglitterlikejewels.Themoonisahole.Itonlylookslikealargeholeinabigblackcanvascalledthenightsky.Sothatthingisreallynotamirrorofthesun,butratheraviewoftheotherside...That'swhatIheardatthehouseoftheRyohgi.Accordingtothem,themoonisagatetoanotherworld.

Themoonfromancienttimeshascarriedmagic,women,anddeath.Andwiththatmoonbehindit,ahumanformisfloating......Witheightgirlsflyingaroundit.Part5

***

Thewhitefigureinthenightskyisthatofawoman.Shewearsafancywhitecloththatonemightmistakenforadress,andhaslong,blackhairreachingdowntoherwaists.Herarmsandlegsareslender,anditmakesthiswomanlookevenmorebeautiful.

Thethinbrowandthecoldeyesarebeautiful.Icanestimateshe'sinhertwenties.Althoughitsdoubtfulthatyoucanfitanageforalivingthingontosomethinglikeaghost.

Butthewhitewomanisnotabstractlikeaghost.Sheisreallythere.Ifyouwantghosts,thegirlsfloatingaroundthewomanaremorelikeit.Thegirlsfloatingaroundaimlesslyseemsmorelikeswimmingthanflying.Eventheirfiguresareabstract,astheyturntransparentfromtimetotime.

What'saboveShikirightnowarethewhitewomanandthegirlsfloatingaroundthewomanasiftoprotecther.

Thewholesightisnothorrifying.No,thisismorelike...

"Hmph,thisisindeeddemonic."

Shikisneers.

Thiswoman'sbeautyisalreadynotthatofahuman's.Herblackhairisespeciallybeautiful,aseachseemslikesilk.Ifthewindwasstrong,herfigurewiththehairflowingwouldhavebeenaprofoundbeauty.

"ThenIhavetokillyou"

MaybesheheardShiki'smurmur,asthewomanlooksdown.Thewomanisfourmetersabovethisrooftopalreadyoverfortymetershigh.ThewomanandShiki'sgazesmeet.

Thereisnowordstospeak,noristherealanguagetocommunicatewith.

Shikiputsahandinthejacketandtakesoutaknife.Aweaponmorelikeaswor


20/29

dthanaknife,withabladeabouteighteencentimeterslong.(7inches)

Shiki'smindfillsupwiththeintenttokillwiththegazefromabove.

Thewhitefiguresways.HerarmflowsandaslenderfingerpointsatShiki.Thatslender,fragilearmdoesnotremindShikiofwhite.

"...Morelikebones,oralily"

Inthewindlessnight,thevoicestayedintheairforalongtime.

***

Thewillputintothefingertipistheintenttokill.

ThewhitefingertippointsatShiki.

Shiki'sheadsways.Thethinbodystepsoncetoregainitsbalance.Butonlyonce.

"........"

Thewomanoverheadhesitatedabitfromthat.

Thesuggestionthat"youcanfly"isnotworkingonthisperson.

Herpowercangivesomeonetheimpressionthat"theywereflying",andit'smorelikebrainwashingthansuggestion.There'snowaytofightit,andasaresult,oneactuallytriestofly,orrunsawayfromthefearofbeingabletofly.ButShikiwasabletostandiswithjustasmalldaze.

"........."

Thewomanwondersifthecontactwastooweak,anddecidestousesuggestionagain.

Butthistime,stronger.Notaweakimpressionlike"youcanfly",butsheorder

s"youhavetofly".

Butbeforethat,Shikilooksatthewoman.

Oneoneachofherlegs,oneonherback,andonepointonherleftchest.Thecuttingsectioncalleddeathcanbecertainlyseen.Theoneonherchestwouldbeagoodonetoaimfor.Thatwouldbeaninstantkill.Evenifthatwomanisjustanimage,IcouldevenkillGodifitisalive.

Shikiraisestheknifewithonehand.Holdingtheknifebackwards,Shikilooksattheenemyinthesky.

Then,theimpulseattacksShikiagain.

...Icanfly.Icanfly.Ilikedtheskyfrombefore.Iwasflyingyesterdaytoo.Icouldprobablyflyhighertoday.Freely.Feelingpeaceful.Laughing.Ihavetogoquickly...

Where?Tothesky?Free?...That's...

Escapefromreality.Yearnforthesky.Reactiontogravity.Nofeetonground.Flightunderunconsiousness.


21/29

Let'sgo,let'sgo,let'sgo,let'sgo,let'sgo,let'sgo...GO!

"You'vegottobekiddingme."

Sayingthat,Shikiraisestheemptylefthand.

Thesuggestiondoesnotworkanymore.Shikidoesnotevengetadaze.

"Idon'thavethatkindofadmirationforthesky.Idon'tfeelalive,soIdon'tknowthepainofliving.Tobehonest,Idon'tcareaboutyouatall."

...Amurmurmorelikesinging.

Shikidoesnotfeelanyrestraint,joyorsollowoflife.

That'swhyShikiisnotattractedtotheliberationfrompain.

"ButIdon'tlikeforyoutokeephim.Igothimfirst,soI'mtakinghimback."

Shiki'slefthandgrabstheemptyairandpullsback.

Asifbeingpulledbythelefthand,thewomanandthegirlsarepulledtowardShiki.Likefishesbeingpulledinwithanet.

".........!!"

Thewoman'sexpressionchanges.SheputsmorepowerintoherwillandpoundsitonShiki.

IfshecouldcommunicatewithShiki,shewouldhavescreamed,

"Fall"

Ignoringthecurse,Shikirespondsinascarytone.

"Youfall."

Theknifepiercesthechestofthewomancomingdown.Aseasilyasstabbingafruit,andsosharplythateventheonestabbedadmiresit.

Thereisnoblood.

Thewomancouldnotmovefromtheshockoftheknifepiercingher,andconvulsesjustonce.

Shikithrowsthecorpsecasually,totheothersideofthefenceintothenighttown.

Thewoman'sbodygoespasttheedgeandfallswithoutasound.Herhairdoesnotflutterevenduringthefall,anddisappearsintothenightwithherwhiterobe

expandedinthewind.

Itwaslikeawhiteflowersinkingdeeointotheocean.

Andthen,Shikileavestherooftop.

Above,thefloatinggirlsstillremains...

/4


22/29

Iwakeupgettingaknifestabbedinmychest.Itwasatremendousimpact.Thatpersonhadtobereallystrongtopiercesomeone'schestthateasily.Butthatwasnotaviolentpower.Itdidnothaveanythingunneccesary,anditwentinbetweenthebonesandthemuscleslikeitwasnothing.Whatasenseofunity!

Thefeelingofdeaththatrunsthroughmybody.Thesoundofmyheartbeingpiercedandrippedthrough.Morethanthepainitself,butthefeelingofithurtmemore.Becausethatfeelingwasfearandpleasureuncomparabletoanythingelse.

Thechillrunningthroughmyspineismind-boggling,andmywholebodyistrembling.Thereexistsuneasiness,loneliness,andwilltolive,andIcriedwithoutasound.

Notbecauseoffearorpain.

ItisbecausethefeelingofdeathI'veneverfeltbeforewasthere...evenforme,whoeverynightwishestobealivethenextday.

Iwillneverbeabletoescapethisfeeling

SinceIhavefalleninlovewiththisfeeling...

***

Ihearthedooropen.Theclockpointstwoanditfeelslikethesuninshiningthroughtheclosedwindow.It'snotyettimefortheexamination,somaybeit'savisitor.

Ihavemyownhospitalroomandthereisnooneelseinhere.What'stherearethebrightsunlight,curtainsthatneverflutterfromwind,andthisbed.

"Excuseme,AreyouFujohKirie?"

Itseemsthevisitorisawoman.Greetingmewithahuskyvoice,shecomesnearmewithoutsittingdownoranything.Itseemsshe'slookingdownatme.Herstarefeelscold.

...Thispersonisascaryperson.Sheprobablywouldbringmedestruction.

ButIwasactuallyhappyinside.Becauseit'sbeenmanyyearssinceI'vehadavisitor.Icannotsendanyoneback,eveniftheonecamevisitingwasdeathhimselftofinishmeoff.

"Youaremyenemy,right?"

Thewomannodsyes.

Itrytofocusandsomehowseethisvisitor.

...Itmaybebecauseofthestrongsunlight,butIcanonlyseehersilhuette.

Sheisnotwearingajacket,butherwrinklelesssuitmakesherlooklikeateacherandmakesmerelax.Butherorangetieisratherflashyforherwhiteshirt,andIhavetotakesomepointsoffforthat.

"Doyouknowthatperson,orareyouthatperson?"

"No,I'manaquaintanceofboththeonewhoattackedyouandtheoneyouattacked.We,youincluded,madecontactwiththeweirdestpeople.Wehavetobeprettyunlucky."


23/29

Sayingthat,thewomantakesoutsomethingfromherpocketandputsitrightback.

"Iforgotyoucan'tsmokeinhere.Andtoadd,itseemsyourlungsarebad.Thesmokewoulddoyounothingbutharm."

Shesoundsregretful.Iguessitwasacigaretteboxshetookout.Ihavenevereventouchedonebefore,butIwantedtoseethispersonsmoke.Probably...no,surelyitwouldsuitherwelllikealizardpantonashowcasemannequin.

"It'snotjustyourlungsthatarebad?Thatmustbethereason,buttherearelotsoftumorsalloveryourbody.Startingwithsarcoma,it'sworseinside.Itseemsthathairofyoursistheonlythingnormal.Butit'samazinghowmuchstrengthyouhaveleft.Ifit'sanormalperson,theywoulddiebeforeitgetsthisbad....Howmanyyearshasitbeen,FujohKirie?"

Sheisprobablyaskingaboutmyhospitalization,butIcannotanswerher.

"Idon'tknow.Istoppedkeepingtrack."

Becauseit'smeaningless.BecauseIwon'tbegettingoutofhereuntilIdie.

Thewomannodandsays"Isee."

Idon'tlikehertone,asitcontainsnosympathyordislike.TheonlythingIgetfromsomeoneissympathy,butthispersonisnotwillingtogivemeeventhat.

"IstheplaceShikicutallright?IheardShikicutyouaroundtheheartarea,nearthemainartery...Iwouldassumeitwasinyourbicuspidvalve."

Shesaysanamazingthingwithannormaltone.Iletoutasmilefromherweirdness.

"Whatastrangeperson.Iwouldn'tbeabletotalktoyoulikethisifmyheartwascut."

"Ofcourse.Thatwasjustforconfirmation."

Isee.SheconfirmedwiththatquestionifIwasthatwomanstabbedbythatpersonIcouldn'ttellasJapanese-styledorWestern-styled.

"Buttheeffectwillcomeintime.Shiki'seyesarestrong.Evenifthatthingwasyourdoubleexistance,thedestructionwillreachyouintime.Iwantedtoaskyouafewthingsbeforethat...whichiswhyIcamehere."

Doubleexistance...shemustmeanthatotherme.

"Ihaven'tseenyouactuallyfloating.Canyoutellmewhatthatwas?"

"Idon'tknoweither.TheonlyviewIcanseeisthisviewoutofthiswindow.Butmaybethatwasbad.I'vebeenlookingdownattheworldfromhere.Thetreesshowingthecolorsofthefourseasons,peoplecomingtothehospitalinturns.TheycannothearmeevenifItalk,andIcannotreachthemnomatterhowfarIstretchoutmyhands.Ihavebeensufferingallthistimeinsidethisroom.Ihavebeendetestingthisviewforalongtime.Isn'tthatwhatyouwouldcallcursing?"

"Isee,itmustbeyourFujohblood.Yourbloodlineisthatofanoldpurefamil


24/29

y.Itseemstheywerespecializedinprayers,butIseethattheirtruepowerswereincursings.ThenameFujohmightcomefromthewordFujoh(impure)."

Bloodline.

Myfamily.Butthathascametoanendfewyearsago.SoonafterIwashopitalized,myparentsandmybrotherdiedinanaccident.Sincethen,afriendofmyfatherhaspaidformymedicalexpenses.

"Acurseisnotsomethingyoudounconsciously.Whatdidyouwishfor?"

...Idon'tknowmyself.Evenshewouldn'tknoweither.

"...Haveyoueverlookedattheoutsideworldforalongtime?Formanyyears,untilyoubecomeunconscious?Ihated,detested,andfearedtheoutsideworld.Iwasoverlookingitallthetime.Afterawhile,myeyesbecameweird.Iwasintheskyabovethatgarden,andwasoverlookingtheworldbelow.Itwasafeelinglikemyeyeswereflyingaroundwhilemybodyandmindwerestillhere.ButsinceIcannotmovefromhere,allIcandoistooverlooktheareaaroundhere.

"Youmusthaveimputtedthescenaryaroundhereintoyourbrain.Ifthat'sthecase,youshouldbeabletothinkthatyoucanseeitfromalldirections....Youstartedtoloseyourvisionaroundthattimetoo?"

I'msurprized.SheknowsI'monthevergeoflosingmyvision.

Inod.

"That'sright.Theworldturnedwhiteandintheend,nothingwasthere.Atfirst,Ithoughteverythingturnedintodarknessbutthatwaswrong.Everythingdisappeared,oratleasteverythingyoucansee.ButIhadnoproblemwiththat.Becausemyeyesarealreadyflyingaround.Icanonlyseethescenaryaroundthishospital,butIcannotgetoutofhereanyways.Nothingchanged,nothing..."

Then,Icough.It'sbeenalongtimesinceI'vetalkedthismuch,somythroatisburning.

"Isee.Soyourmindwasupinthesky.Butthen...whyareyoualive?IfthatghostattheFujiyohbuildingwasyourmind,youshouldhavebeenkilledbyShiki."

Yes,Iamwonderingthesamething.

Thatperson...IguessthenameisShiki,buthowwasthatpersonabletocutme?

Thatfloatingmecannottouchanythingbutinreturn,Icannotbetouchedbyany

thing.ButthatpersonkilledmeasifIhadarealbody.

"Answerme.TheyouattheFujiyohbuilding,wasthatreallyFujohKirie?"

"ThemeattheFujiyohbuildingisn'tme.Myselflookingattheskyandmyselfinthesky.Thatmegaveuponmeandflewaway.Ihavebeenleftbehindevenbymemyself."

Thewomangasps.Forthefirsttime,sheshowedheremotion.


25/29

"Itmustnotbethatyourpersonailtysplitup.Therewassomeonethatgaveyouwithonecontainerasecondcontainer.Isee,youcontrolledtwobodieswithonemind.Thisisindeednothinglikebefore."

Nowthatshesaysso,thatmighthavebeenthecase.

Igaveuponmyselfandwaslookingdownontheworld.Butneitheroneofuscouldputourfeetontheground,andjustendedupfloatingaround.SinceIamrejectedbytheworldoutsidethewindow,thereisnowayformetogoouttherenomatterhowmuchIwishforit.

Itmustmeanthatwewereconnectedintheend.

"Thatmakessense.Butwhyweren'tyouhappywithjustimaginingtheoutsideworld?Idon'tthinktherewasaneedtoletthosegirlsfall."

Thosegirls...?Oh,Isee,thosegirlsIamjealousof.Theywereunfortunate.ButIdidnotdoanything,becausethegirlsfellontheirown.

"TheyouattheFujiyohbuildingwasmorelikeawill.Youusedthat,huh?Thosegirlswereabletoflyfromthebeginning,right?Evenifitwasjustanimageintheirhead,oriftheyreallyhadthepowertofly.Peopleflyingintheirsleepisn'trare,butitnevergetstobeaproblem.Why?Becausetheyonlydosointheirsleepandtheynevereventhinkaboutflyingwhentheyareawake.Since

theyareunconscious,theyhavenoevilwillwhentheyareflying.Thosegirlswerespecialeveninthatcase.We'renottalkingPeterPan,butit'seasiertoflywhenyou'resmall.Maybeoneortwomighthaveactuallyfloated,butmostofthemshouldhavefloatedonlyintheirdreams.Butyoumadethemthinkaboutit.Yougavethemtheimpressiontheyhadwhiletheyweredreamingwhentheywereawake.Asaresult,theyfoundouttheycouldfly.Yes,theycanfly...butonlyunconsciously.Flightwithonlyhumanpowerisdifficult.EvenIcannotflywithoutabroom.Thechanceofflightunderconsiousnessisaboutthirtypercent.Thegirlstriedtoflyasusual,andfellastheyweresupposedto."

Yes,theywereflyingaroundme.Ithoughttheycouldbemyfriends.Butalltheydidwasfloataroundmelikefisheswithoutnoticingme.

ItwasfastafterIfoundouttheyhadnoconsciousness.Ijustthoughttheywouldnoticemeiftheyhadconsciousness.Thatwastheonlyreason,sowhy...

"Areyoucold?You'retrembling."

Thewoman'svoiceiscoldlikeplastic.

Iembracemyselfasthechilldoesnotgoaway.

"Letmeaskyouonemorething.Whydidyouadmirethesky?Youdetestedtheoutsideworld."

That'sprobablybecause...

"Thereisnoendtothesky.IthoughttherewouldbeaworldIwouldn'tdetestifIcouldgoasfarasIwant,ifIcouldflyasfarasIwanted."

ThevoiceasksmeifIfoundthatworld.

Mychilldoesnotstop.Itrembleasifsomeone'sshakingme,andmyeyesaregettinghotter.


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Inod.

"...Everynight,IfearedifIwouldbeabletowakeupthenextday,IwasscaredifIwouldliveuntiltomorrow.IknewIwouldn'thavethestrengthtowakeupifIfellasleep.Thedayslikeatightropewasonlyfilledwithfearofdeath.Butbecauseofthat,IcouldfeelthatIamalive.Icouldonlysmelldeatheveryday,buttolive,onlythatsmellwasreliable.SinceIamnothingbutadiscardedshell,IcanfeelaliveonlywhenIamfacingdeath."

That'sright.ThatiswhyIlikedeathmorethanlife.

Toflyanywhere,togotoanywhereIwant...

"Youtookmyboyasacompaniontodeath?"

"No.Atthattime,Ididn'tknow.IwasattachedtolifeandIwantedflywhilebeingalive.Ishouldhavebeenabletodosowithhim."

"YouandShikiaresimilar.YouguyshaveabitofsalvationinthatyouguysbothchoseKokutoh.It'snotabadthingtosearchforthefeelingofbeingaliveinsomeoneelse."

Kokutoh.Isee,sothatShikipersoncametotakehimback.

Iguessmysaviorwasalsomydeath.Ihavenoregretinthatthough.

"Thatpersonisreallychildish.Heisalwayssostraight.That'swhyheshouldbeabletoflytoanywherehewantsifhetried....Iwantedforhimtotakeme."

Myeyesarehot.Idon'tgetit,butI'mprobablycrying.

NotbecauseI'msad...IfIcouldreallygosomewherewithhim,howmuchhappinesswouldthathavebeen.Becauseit'ssomethingthatwouldn'tcometure,becauseit'sadreamthatshouldn'tcometrue,that'swhyit'ssobeautifulandmakesm

ecry.ThatistheonlydreamIhadinthepastfewyears.

"ButKokutohhasnointerestinthesky.Themoreonewantsthesky,thefarthertheyarefromit,huh?Howironic."

"You'reright.Ihaveheardthathumanshavemanythingstheydon'tneed.Iwasonlyabletofloat.Icouldnotfly,andallImanagedwastostayfloating."

Theburninginmyeyesdisappeared.Probably,thiswillneveragainhappeninthefuture.

What'scontrollingmerightnowisonlythischillinsideofme.

"Sorrytobeabother.Thisisthelastquestion,butwhatwillyoudonow?IcanhealyouaboutthatwoundShikigaveyou."

Withoutanswering,Ishakemyhead.Itseemsthewomanfrownedabit.

"Isee...Therearetwowaystoescape.Escapewithoutpurpose,andescapewithapurpose.Youcalltheformerfloatingandthelatterflight,Youaretheonetodecidewhichoneyouroverlookingviewwas.Butifyouchooseoneoutofguilt,that'swrong.Youshouldn'tchoosethepathaheadofyoubase


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donthesinsyoucarry,butyoushouldrathercarrythesinsonthepathyouchoose."

Thenthewomanleaves.Thewomanhasnottoldmehername,butIknowtherewasnoneedto.

...ShemusthaveknownwhatIwouldchoosefromthebeginning.BecauseIcouldnotfly,andallIcoulddowastofloat.

SinceI'mweak,Icannotdoasshesaid.That'swhyIcannotovercomethistemptation.TheflashoflightIfeltwhenIwasstabbedinmyheart.Theoverwhelmingtorrentofdeathandthebeatoflife.IalwaysthoughtIhadnothing,butthereisstillthatsimplethingleftinme.

Whatisthereisdeath.

Thisfearthatsendsachilldownmyspine.IhavetofeelthemostdeathIcanandfeelthehappinessoflife.ForeverythinginmylifeIhaveignoreduntilnow.ButitprobablywouldbeimpossibletodielikeIdidthatnight.Iprobablycannothopeforsuchastrikingend.Thatdeathpiercedmelikealightening,likeaneedle,likeasword.That'swhyIwilltrytocomeclosetothataspossible.Idon'thaveanyidearightnowbutIstillhaveafewdaystothinkaboutit.AndI'vealreadydecidedonthemethod.Idon'tthinkIevenneedtosaythis,butIthinkmyendshouldbeafallingdeathfromanoverlookingplace.

Part6

/OverlookingView

ThesunhassetandweleaveTohko-san'sabandonedbuilding.Shiki'sapartmentisintheareabutmyplaceistwentyminutesawayfromherebytrain.ShikimustbesleepyasShikiiswalkingabitwobbly.ButShikistaysbymysidewhilewewalk.

"Doyouthinksuicideisright,Mikiya?'

Shikisuddenlyasksmethat.Thatdowncast-likegesturelooksabittouching.

"Hmm,Idon'tknow.Let'ssayIgetthisvirusthatwillkilleveybodyinTokyojustbymestayingalive.Ifit'sthecasethateveryonewouldbesavedifIdie,I'llprobablykillmyself."

"Whatisthat?That'ssounlikelythatit'snotevenawhat-ifstory."

"Letmefinish.ButIthinkI'lldothatbecauseI'mweak.I'mgoingtokillmyselfbecauseIdon'thavethecouragetokeeponlivingturningallofTokyointomyenemy.That'seasier,right?Courageforaninstantandcouragethatneedstocontinuethroughoutyourlife.Youknowwhichoneisharder.It'sanextremearguement,butIthinkdeathisrunningaway,nomatterwhatkindofdeterminationisbehindit.Buttherearetimeswhentheconcernedpersonw

antstorunaway.Ican'tdenyitorrefuteit,becauseI'maweakpersonaswell."

Hmm,butthisseemslikeI'msayingit'sallrightforsomeonetodosobecauseI'ddosotoo.Self-sacrificeinthatcaseisprobablytherightthingtodo,andthatactionwouldbecalledheroic.Butthat'swrong.It'sfoolishtochoosedeathnomatterhownobleorrightitis.Nomatterhowwrongorlowlyitis,wehavetokeeponlivingtomakerightofourwrongs.Wehavetoliveonandaccepttheendofthethingswe'vecaused.Thatissomethingthattakesalotofcourage.Idon'tthinkIcoulddothatmyselfanditsou


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ndstoococky,soIdecidenottosayit.

"...Well,anyways...Ithinkit'sjustdifferentforeveryone."

IendrathervaguelyandShikilooksatmedoubtfully.

"Butyou'redifferent"

Shikisayssoasifseeinginsidemymind.Itsoundedcold,butthewordswerewarmsomehow.Itwasabitembarrassing,soIwalkedonforawhilesilently.Theclamorofthemainstreetisgettingcloser.Sounds,brightlights,enginesounds.Floodingwavesofpeopleandmanysoundstheymake.Ifwepassthedepartmentstores,thestationisrightahead.

Then,Shikistops.

"Mikiya,youcomeovermyplacetonight."

"Huh?Why,allofasudden?"

Shikipullsmesayingthatitdoesn'tmatter.

ItisindeedeasiertostayatShiki'splacesinceit'snearby,butIdon'tfeellikedoingsooutofmorality.

"It'sfine.Youdon'thaveanythinginyouroomeither.It'sboringevenifIdogo.Orareyoutellingmethere'ssomethingIhavetodothere?"

Iknowthere'snosuchthing.Isaidsoknowingthat,sothereshouldn'tbeanythingforShikitosayback...oratleastIthinkso.ButShikilooksatmeasifI'mthecauseoftheproblem.

"Strawberry."

"Huh?"

"TwostrawberryHaagenDasz.It'sstillthereafteryoubroughtit.Finishofft

hatthing,man."

"...IguessIdidbuythat."

YesIdid.ItwassomethingIboughtbecauseitwassohotwhilewalkingtoShiki'splace.ButwhydidIbuythatthing?WithitbeingalmostSeptemberandall...

Well,Idon'tcareaboutsmallthings.IguessmyonlychoiceistoobeyShiki.Butjustobeyingisabitirritating,soIdecidetostrikebackalittle.

ShikihasavulnerablepointwherewhenIsaythis,Shikigetsmadbutcannotsayanythingback.

Eventhoughitisawishfromthebottomofmyheart,Shikihasyettotakemyadvice.

"Allright,I'llspendthenight.ButShiki..."

IsaywithastraightfacetoShiki,wholooksatme.

"Youshouldn'ttalklikethat.You'reagirl,youknow."


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Beingsaidthat,Shikilooksawayangrily.

-------------------------------------------------------------

/Overlookingview

Thatday,Ichosetotakethemainstreettogohome.Itwasjustonawhim,averyrarethingformetodo.

WhenIwaswalkingthroughthebuildingsIseeeveryday,someonecamecrashingdown.Awetcrushingsoundthatyouwillnormallyneverhear.Itwasobviousthatthepersondiedafterfallingoffoneofthebuildings.Acrimsoncolorspreadsacrosstheground.Theonlythingthat'sleftnoticeablewasthedark,blackhair,andthethin,white,weak-lookingarmsandlegs...Andthesmashedupface.Thewholescenewassurroundedbytheoldsummer,anditremindedmeofapressedflowerthathasflattenedoutfrombeinginbetweenabook.

Iknewwhoitwas.Hypnos(Sleep)returnedafterallbyturningintoThanatos(reality).Walkingonignoringthepeoplegathering,Azakacatchesuptome.

"Tohko-san.Thatwassuicidebyjumpingoffthatbuilding."

"Yeah,Iguessso,"Ianswervaguely.

Tobehonest,Ihadnointerest.Nomatterwhatthewillofthesuicideris,asuicidewillbetreatedasasuicide.Herlastwillcanbesummedupwithoneword,notflightorfloating,butbytheword"fall".What'sthereisonlymisery,andthere'snowayyoucanbeinterestedinthat.

"Iheardtherewasalotofthatlastyear,butisitoccuringalotagain?Idon'tgetwhatthesepeoplethinkabout.Doyouknow,Tohko-san?'

"Yeah,"Ianswervaguelyagain

Ianswerwhilelookingupatthesky,asiflookingatanimagenotthere.

"There'snoreasonforsuicide.It'sjustthatshewasn'tabletoflytoday."

Kara No Kyoukai Ch.1

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Transcript of Kara No Kyoukai Ch.1