Mirum: Vivamus est ipsum, vehicula nec, feugiat rhoncus, accumsan id, nisl. Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetuer Guiding the Gifted

Advanced Academic Services

Austin Independent School District

“There is a fine line between striving to reach high standards of excellence and feeling self-defeated through the inability to reach unrealistic expectations of perfection. When that line is crossed, the perfectionistic tendencies become disabling.” (Pyryt, 2004).

Perfectionists can be found in any arena. Some are born with the idea of perfectionism at birth. From infancy the child is intense and demanding. For other children, the idea of perfectionism is a learned behavior. These perfectionists have been influenced by very critical parents, family members or educators who demand and regularly verbalize dissatisfaction when the child is “less than perfect.” Often, perfectionism shows up when a child first experiences competition. This child responds to the competition with only one possible outcome that of “I MUST be the best!” For others, perfectionism is displayed in the way the child responds to compliments. They may respond with, “An A- is good for some kids, but it is unacceptable for me, I MUST do better!” For some children (and later as adults) struggling with perfectionism can be a life-long struggle.

Educators often see a clear link between giftedness and perfectionism. “There are two major concerns about perfectionism for gifted students: underachievement and emotional turmoil. Perfectionistic tendencies make some gifted students vulnerable for underachievement because they do not submit work unless it is perfect. As a result, they may receive poor or failing marks. In terms of emotional stress, perfectionism is seen to cause feelings of worthlessness and depression when gifted individuals fail to live up to unrealistic expectations.” (Pyryt, 2004).

Some researchers believe that there are two types of perfectionism: healthy or normal perfectionism, and unhealthy or neurotic perfectionism. Healthy perfectionists want to do their best, enjoy challenges, and welcome opportunities to stretch thinking and learning as much as possible. They complete their work, practice, study to please themselves and are delighted when their efforts are successful. They attempt to learn from their mistakes and seldom give in to disappointment. Some researchers believe that normal perfectionism is a healthy part of striving for excellence and can lead to positive competition with like minded peers.

By contrast, neurotic or unhealthy perfectionists often set unrealistic goals. They work hard, not to please or to challenge themselves but to avoid failure. Instead of delighting in challenges, they feel drained or depressed when they attempt new ones. Frequently, they have low self-esteem and are sensitive to criticism from parents and teachers. They believe that their parents expect them to be perfect, even if the parents have never expressed this expectation. Mistakes or failures humiliate and embarrass neurotic perfectionists. Fear of making mistakes causes anxiety and stress, which can lead to additional emotional and social challenges. On these occasions, professional counseling can be beneficial for assisting the perfectionist with coping with the phenomenon.

Perfec&onismandtheGi2edChildWebster defines

Perfectionism as a

disposition to regard

anything short of perfection

as unacceptable;

especially: the setting of

unrealistically demanding

goals accompanied by a

disposition to regard failure

to achieve them as

unacceptable and a sign of

personal worthlessness.

Can I make a better score?

Strategies for Coping with Perfectionism1. Discuss perfectionism openly with the child--its symptoms,

causes and misconceptions. Don’t take it personally!2. Share stories that show mistakes can be used as learning

tools. Study the lives of eminent people by reading biographies, autobiographies or simply watching TV programs like “Biography.”

3. Help students determine the areas of their lives they can control and those that are controlled by others or by chance. Don’t sweat the small stuff!

4. Incorporate goal setting and student evaluation into major facets of learning. Match the time commitment to the value of the assignment!

5. Help students to self-evaluate, draw attention to their strengths and accomplishments, and reinforce progress they make toward goals. Focus on improvement!

6. Be a good role model. Demonstrate that learning is a process of trial and error. Stay with problems for a reasonable amount of time, even if the problems are difficult. Admit all mistakes as an adult. Model imperfect behavior, personal evaluation, goal setting, reasonable risk taking, self acceptance of your own imperfections and "off" days and good listening and responding skills. Nobody’s perfect!

7. Encourage and expect children to try new things. Enjoy the journey!

8. Help your young person look for realistic standards. Know when to quit!

9. If a child perceives that she has failed at something, wait until after the emotional tension is reduced before discussing the matter. This may help avoid defensive behaviors. Don't expect rational or logical thinking during the immediate stress period following defeat. Teach that failure is a part of life!

10. Teach admiration as a strategy for handling jealously. Notice, admire, and communicate admiration to others. Acknowledge a family member or peer when he treats another in a positive manner. When playing games together, encourage the child to voice appreciation for the skill used in a particular move rather than being upset when another person is winning or succeeding. Always look for the positive!

The ideas and suggestions in this edition are excerpted from:Fertig , C. (2005). Perfectionism and the gifted child. Prufrock Press Inc.Pyryt , M. (2004). Helping gifted students coper with perfectionism. National Association for Gifted Children.

Recommended Readings on the Topic:Adderholdt, M. R., & Goldberg, M. R. (1999). Perfectionism: What's bad about being too good?. Minneapolis: Free Spirit.Galbraith, J. (1998). The gifted kids survival guide for ages 10 and under. Minneapolis: Free Spirit.Galbraith, J., & Delisle, J. R. (1987). The gifted kids survival guide: A teen handbook. Minneapolis: Free Spirit.Greenspon, T. (2001). Freeing our families from perfectionism. Minneapolis: Free Spirit.

A Perfectionist...It’s terrible being a perfectionist.

I’ve been one all my life.You put yourself through plenty of heartache, not to mention strife.

You’re never satisfied, always certain you could do better.

No one sees any flaws but you.You want it known, you’re a go getter.

Everything has to be perfect.Perfection is what I strive for.

I keep driving myself until there’s nothing to give anymore.

I tell myself this is foolish.Why should I be this way?

I’m certainly not better off for it.I’m a total wreck I’d have to say.

Actually who would notice, if it’s not exactly the way it should be?

There’s only one person and I’m sure you’ve already guessed,

It’s me!

By Audrey Heller

P is for Perfectionist!

Austin Independent School District Advanced Academic Services