GEMI LENNOX 젬미 렌녹스 ___ Josephine Jackson

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or distributed in any printed or electronic form without permission. First Edition: June 2020

Printed in the United States of America

Acknowledgement

To all the ones who think they can’t.

You can.

GEMI 젬미

Hey, I’m Gemi Lazelle Lennox. (My mom always told me to introduce myself by my full name so…. there ya go.) The past 4 months of my life have been INSANE. A literal emotional roller coaster! I’ve thought about making a Youtube channel about it, but… I don’t like all of the attention. The next best thing? Writing, I guess. Seems like it’s easier for me to get my thoughts out when I write them. To be honest, I’m not really sure why I’m writing this. Maybe it’s helping me process everything that has happened? Or maybe I’m hoping it’ll inspire someone else?

Idk. Anyway, a little about me: I just turned 17 last week. I’m an only child. I think milk is the most disgusting drink on the planet! Oh, and I’m addicted to the app, Lookie, (a wayyyy more chill version of Instagram.) My birthday this year was SUPER weird. I can’t really say whether it was good or bad… it was just really different than what I’m used to. But in order for you to fully understand why, I gotta tell you what happened from the beginning. I remember… It was a Friday afternoon and I had just gotten home from school. School actually sucked that day because we had to do our final History presentations and I choked. On the bright side, it was a half day and the day before summer break so I didn’t have to be reminded of my epic fail the next day. My mom, being a chef, was in the kitchen working on a food dish I couldn’t

pronounce. And my dad hadn’t gotten home from work yet. (He’s the manager of a bank.) Side note: My parents literally are the cutest! They’ve been in love since high school. I don’t tell them this often, but I think the way they care for each other is really amazing. Anyway, I’m in love with a band called “위오/ WE-O.” They’re a k-pop boy band from South Korea. I never had an interest in Korean music, but after randomly hearing WE-O’s song in a movie, I completely fell in love with them. They’re SO cute, but more than that… there’s just something about the way they’re always so happy and positive that brightens my day. They’re like an escape when I’m feeling crappy or when I’m not feeling myself. There are 3 members in the group: Junho 준호, Kangmin, 강민 and Gio 지오 (My FAVE.) I don’t really speak Korean so I knew that trying to convince my parents to let me go to the concert of a group whose music they couldn’t understand would be a challenge. I begged my parents for months before they finally caved and agreed to let me go. The only reason they said yes was because my best friend, Laila, (who loves WE-O too) agreed to come along with me. I was looking forward to having a fellow WE-O lover by my side for my first ever k-pop concert! Plus, she and I were having a sleep over after the show! Her bias (person she loves in the group) is Junho. She’s completely obsessed! My parents made me work around the house everyday up until the concert in order to earn the money for my ticket. It was kinda expensive, but SO worth it! Later that night, I glanced at the clock nervously as I hopped around my bedroom semi-dressed in search of shoes. My heart raced knowing that in THREE HOURS, I would be standing (and dancing) in the same room as Gio! And even though my mom told me to start getting ready HOURS ago, I procrastinated until the last minute. After 6 wardrobe changes, 2 make-up fiascos and a scarfed down veggie burrito, I FINALLY decided on a pair of black skinny jeans, burgundy Doc Martens, and a tank top that read “Keep me.” This phrase is super special in our house. Mom started saying it to me when I was a baby and it sort of stuck. She says it reminds us to keep family, friends, and the things that are important, first. So, my mom,

dad, and I all have something that has “Keep me” plastered on it. Dad has it imprinted on the front of his wallet, mom has it in glittered letters on a keychain, and I, (being the younger, cooler version of them, have a tank top and a hoodie.) “Keep me” is also what we say to each other sometimes instead of “I love you.” Mom hyped me up all the way to the concert! Although she knew nothing about k-pop, she always tried to ask questions, make jokes, and sing along (not well, LOL.) Excitement flooded my stomach as we pulled up to the concert venue. Hundreds of girls, (and a few male stragglers,) waited in front of the stadium for the doors to open. “Wow… that line looks like… a lot of fun.” Mom said sarcastically. I fake laughed as her smile faded into her stern mom stare. “Be careful Gem, make sure to stay close to Laila. She should be here soon, right?” “Yea, she just texted me saying she’s on her way.” I gave her a quick hug then gathered my small clutch bag, bottle of water, and phone. I’ll be back to get you and Laila at 11. Keep your phone close.” Closing the door, I nodded and began to mentally map out my “line waiting." strategy. Laila, who is infamous for ALWAYS being late, would’ve told me to push my way to the front. But since these WE-O fans looked realllly hardcore, I walked as close as I could get to the entrance, shimmied my way into the line, and waited. As I studied the crowd, I was shocked to see how many different types of people I saw. Black, White, Asian, young, and old. I even saw a woman leading a group that was blind. And all of them were there to support a group that came from the opposite side of the world. “That’s so dope.” I thought. Anxious and bored, I pulled out my phone and began scrolling on Lookie. Gio had just posted a pic! I quickly tapped on his profile and clicked on his most recent post. It was posted 5 minutes ago and already had a million likes?! WOW, THAT’S famous! Even though I knew he’d never see it, I decided to comment: “Can’t wait for the show! I’m already outside 🥳 ~~” Then it hit me…. GIO was INSIDE THE BUILDING!

“OMGGGGGGGG… he’s actually here!” I grinned and tried to hide my excitement.“WE-OOOOOO...” a loud voice from behind quickly pulled me out of Gio world. Laila bounced up and down in her red sundress, too-giant-for-her-face sunglasses, and white vans. “Did you see what Gio posted? She asked as she waved to her mom’s car as it disappeared around the corner. “Yea, I saw. I was just looking at it.” We waited in line for another hour, talking to the people around us, listening to WE-O, and trying not to throw up from excitement. There were camera crews from a few different news and fan sites that recorded us in line, interviewed people about WE-O, and gave out small prizes. As soon as the interviewer reached me, THE DOORS FINALLY OPENED. “NOOOOO, I wanna be

interviewed!” I whined as Leila pulled me towards the entrance. Nodding, the camera man yelled, “Come find me after the concert, I’ll be here!” Trying not to lose an eye, we navigated our way through the frantic crowd of screaming teens until we were safely inside. WE-O music blasted from every corner of the venue as the bass shook the ground under me. We scanned our tickets, took a look at the group’s merch table, then ran (and maybe pushed a few people) to get as close to the stage as possible.

GIO 지오

After finally arriving at LAX, my group and I were stuck waiting at immigration because hundreds of our fans decided to welcome us by barricading and blocking the exits. We’ve been to Los Angeles before, but we’ve never experienced an airport situation quite like this. I mean, we’re used to the screaming fans and crowds, but we’ve never needed to wait for extra security or delay our travel plans in any way. Kangmin is the leader of our group, and since he LOVES this sort of thing, he’s ready to go out there right now! Junho and I (I’m Gio, by the way,) are a bit more shy so, if we had a choice, we’d dodge the attention at all cost. Bo is the head of our security team and our manager for most international shows. He HATES airport walk-throughs more than all of us combined. Since our management team told him to work harder to help prevent fans from taking unfavorable or candid photos of us. His “go to” has been to push-run us through the airport as fast as possible.

(Just think of yourself jogging through the airport like a maniac… in broad daylight… for everyone to see.) haha yea, it’s weird. And now we’re stuck….in customs… in America…. after a 14 hour flight. Plus, we’re all pretty jet-lagged since the time difference in LA is about 16 hours behind Korea. (Oh yea, our group is from South Korea.) We debuted a year and a half ago after training for two years with a new entertainment company in Korea called Star Inc. Since then, we’ve been getting more and more popular with international audiences. And now, we’re touring all over the world! It’s crazy. Bo, myself, and two other members of our staff are the only ones who speak English well enough to communicate fluently. Kangmin and Junho can speak okay, but they mostly know simple phrases and song lyrics. Kangmin is 22, Junho is 20, and I just turned 19. I’ve been training with this group since I was 15 and a half. All of us left home, moved to the trainee dorm, and began working on becoming k-pop idols in order to provide for our families. Truthfully, I don’t think any of us would have chosen this life otherwise. Just as Bo was about to pop a blood vessel from frustration, 3 armed security officers came into the room and told us they would escort us out of the airport. (No push-running necessary!) As we arrived to the exit, fans cheered from nearby parking structures as we trickled into the black Mercedes-Benz sprinter bus that awaited us. Beyond jet-lagged, Kangmin and Junho groggily climbed into their seats and almost simultaneously fell asleep. I, on the other hand, am the “vampire” of the group, and hardly ever sleep. For the past year, I haven’t really been able to sleep more than 4 hours a night. I don’t really know why. But, I’ve gotten used to the quiet, insomnia-ridden nights filled with mediocre rest and an ocean of never-ending thoughts. As I sat back in my seat, thoughts that I’d pushed aside throughout the day began to flood my mind. Millions of fans…check. Successful singer in WE-O…check. The ability to support my family and travel the world…check. My life is perfect. Or at least that’s how it looks from the outside. Why am I not happy? I should be, right? Ever since I was a kid, I was taught to do whatever it took to provide for my family. That’s the reason I know I can’t afford to fail.

My dad was the perfect example of that for me. He HATED his job, but worked hard everyday to make sure we had everything we needed. He never had the luxury of being able to dream. He taught me that sacrifice is often worth more than discomfort. After the explosion at his company, my father’s death pushed me to immediately become the man of the house. It’s what pushes me everyday, honestly. The pressure sometimes makes me feel like I can’t breathe, but I don’t have a choice. I NEED to be okay. I have to push through for mom. It’s been just me and her since dad died. I need to make sure she’s good. I need to be the one to take care of her when she gets older. So, I guess…this life as a celebrity is my sacrifice. I mean, I know it’s a blessing, and I enjoy my life, but I also feel like something’s missing. I feel so empty all the time. Weird, huh? Especially because I have millions of fans. But … I constantly feel so alone and misunderstood. Something other than fake smiles and perfection has to exist in life, right? I wanna feel like I’m making a difference somehow. Like I’m helping people. I don’t feel like I am right now though. And honestly, I don’t know exactly what’s missing, but everyday, I’m getting more curious to find out. I re— “Guys, wake up. We’re almost there.” Bo’s stern voice sounded a bit anxious. He always got that way right before a big show. Kangmin yawned and squinted out the window as he pulled his eyes open. Junho rolled into a bear-like stretch before slipping his hoodie over his head and taking out his AirPods. “Aren’t you guys hungry?! I’m starving. Hyung, are we gonna have time to eat?” Junho asked as he checked around his seat for his face mask. Bo glanced at his watch impatiently “You should have about an hour between the time you finish sound check and the time the show starts. I’ll order some chicken and side dishes right now so they’ll be ready right after sound check.” As our black van pulled into the back of the stadium, I could see the masses of fans lined up at the entrance. It’s always so awesome to see all the posters and costumes that our fans make for us. They put in so much effort and I feel bad that we don’t always get to truly give them the attention they deserve.

I tried to take in as much of the sight as I could before we headed inside since that was the closest we could get to our fans during shows. We grabbed our bags, hopped out of the van and ran through the large backdoor that read ‘BACKSTAGE.’ “Welcome to Los Angeles! I’m your stage manager, Starla. An older woman with short black hair, face piercings, and both arms covered in tattoos greeted us. She had piercing blue eyes and extremely pale skin. She reminded me of a emo porcelain doll. It was still a little strange to see a woman displaying tattoos so boldly. In Korea, although a lot more people are getting them, they still have a pretty negative stigma attached to them. Bo offered her a welcoming smile as he shook her hand. Starla led us through the backstage area as she gave us a tour. Adrenaline rushed through me as we walked past the humongous stage. Huge black barriers created a large gap between the audience area and the stage. Bo says it’s for everyone’s protection. Technicians worked frantically on lights, assistants cleaned, and our back up musicians began to set up their equipment. I love seeing how our shows come together. There seems to me hundreds of people helping and most times, I never get to acknowledge or interact with any of them. Believe it or not, I still get nervous every time we perform. I know it sounds crazy. We’ve done this same show a million times, but just like now, I can’t stop my hands from sweating or heart from pounding. I guess that’s a good thing though? Starla came to an abrupt stop in front of our dressing room. Kangmin nudged me excitedly as he pointed towards the freebies waiting for us. “Here is the dressing room, guys. If you need anything, please use the intercom here to call me or my assistant. We’ve prepared some gift baskets for you as well, and the food you ordered will be set up for you in the green room down the hall. You have sound check in about 30 minutes. I’ll be back to get you then.” We all bowed and said “Thank you” as she scurried off toward the stage. “Woah… they really know how to welcome us.” Bo said as he stared at her quickly disappearing silhouette. “Looks like Bo likes someone!” Junho jokingly smiled as he grabbed a gift basket, plopped himself on the huge, pillow-infested couch, and started tearing through the snacks.

Bo blushed slightly as he shrugged off Junho’s observation. It was clear Junho was right, but none of us dared speak about it. Right before a show, I like to take a few minutes to explore the area and gather my thoughts. Sometimes I sit in the audience, but other times, I simply go talk to some of the workers. I snuck away from everyone, (under the excuse of having to use the bathroom,) as they headed to the dressing room to get ready. I found a completely empty and quiet place to chill. A small little tunnel that led to the back of the stage. I sat for a while and just enjoyed the silence. I wanted to share this moment with my fans so, I pulled out my phone and decided to post a pic on Lookie. Although I’m not a huge Lookie user, I like that I’m able to connect with my fans and learn a little about them through the app. I can browse their convos and find out their thoughts, look at their profiles, and see what their lives are like. It’s also a chance for me to be… almost normal. I try to—

“Gio, hurry up! SOUND CHECK! Let’s go.” Bo called from the hallway.

“Okay, Hyung!” I quickly stuffed my phone in my pocket, plastered on a smile, and ran to catch up with him. Back to work.

SHOWTIME.

“KEEP ME”

The concert was absolutely amazing! Gio looked EVEN BETTER than I imagined! (They all did, truthfully!) Even before the concert, I knew everything about that night would be unforgettable! As we walked towards the exit, I literally felt like I was floating. There were a ton of people waiting around after the show hoping to get a glimpse of WE-O, but since my mom had texted me that she was on her way, Leila and I decided to make a mad dash for the door. When we finally got outside, the line of fans chanting for WE-O was so loud, I could barely hear myself think. “Where’d your mom tell us to meet her?” Leila shouted as she covered her ears. “She’s picking us up over there.” I pointed to the ride share area that was laced with waiting cars. While waiting, I checked my phone again, 11:36pm. It seemed like my parents were taking longer than usual. I looked back at mom's last text to make sure I hadn’t missed anything:

I called mom’s phone. No answer. Then I called dad’s phone, nothing. They were both known for accidentally leaving their phones at home so, I figured that’s what happened. Maybe they hit some “after concert” traffic, I thought. From the waiting area, Leila and I spotted the film crew from earlier doing interviews and decided to ask if we could be on camera. If I couldn’t meet WE-O in person, I’d at least introduce myself on a video that the group might see! The film staff asked us line up with a dozen other fans. One of the coordinators, (Starla, I think it was,) came and introduced herself to everyone. She was so fun and friendly as she laughed with us and kept us company. After about 15 minutes, we finished up our interviews and headed back to the waiting area. I was beginning to worry, but tried to convince myself that I was trippin. I called my mom’s phone again, no answer. However, when I tried calling my dad’s phone this time, it went straight to voicemail. “What’s taking them so long?” I checked the time again: 11:53pm. Leila’s mom had texted her and asked if we were safe and home. Since we weren’t sure why my parents were late, (and didn’t wanna worry her fam,) she lied. (I know, I know… not the best move!) As I scanned the venue, I noticed there were only a handful of fans left waiting, (I guess most of them gave up on seeing WE-O, as it seems the band never left.) Starla stayed close to make sure we got picked up safely. As she came to check on us for the 50th time, my phone began to ring. “MOM” flashed on my caller ID as I let out a giant sigh of relief. “Sooooo… leaving our kids at concerts is the new thing now, huh?” I joked as I answered. My attempt to be funny was met with awkward silence. I could hear noise… muffled, chaotic noise in the background. “Mom? Hello?” The unfamiliar voice of a militant- sounding male responded. “Hello, is this Gemi?” My heart raced. “Who is this?” I could feel shock starting to paralyze me. “Ma’am, My name is officer Conrad with the Los Angeles Police Department. I’m calling to speak with Miss Gemi Lennox. This is about her parents, Sarai and Theo Lennox.” Leila mouthed a concerned “Who is it?” as my mind desperately searched for a response.

“Ummm…this is me.. I mean, I’m me—this is Gemi.” Starla’s eyes filled with unease as she pulled her headset off and leaned in closer to me. The man’s voice cracked as he began to explain a car accident, something about a hospital, him coming to pick me up, and eventually, (after my tear-filled plea) both of my parents’ deaths. Before I knew what was happening, my knees had given out from under me as I sat crumpled on the ground. Starla and Leila knelt beside me trying to offer some sense of comfort. The officer asked to speak with an adult staff member at the venue so, I passed the phone to Starla. She stood up and her demeanor immediately changed to the professional, “I mean business,” vibe I saw earlier during the fan interviews. Leila stepped aside to call her parents. Off in the distance, I could hear Starla giving what sounded like whispered directions. I sat… in shock. I knew tonight would be memorable, but I never imagined that this would be the reason why. “Oh sweetie, I’m so sorry!” Leila’s mom bear hugged me as she sniffled back tears. Sadly, I didn’t have the strength to lift my arms to meet her embrace. Leila’s mom had come to pick her up since I had to stay with Starla until Officer Conrad arrived. After another round of unrestrained tears, condolences, and hugs, Leila and her mom loaded into their Mini Cooper and drove away. Starla had agreed to stay me until the police arrived. “Let’s get you inside. I have a few more things to get done so, we can go backstage together.” Starla pushed open the large backstage door and ushered me inside. Under any other circumstance, I would have been ecstatic to be backstage at a WE-O concert, but in that moment…I couldn’t have cared less. She handed me an ALL ACCESS pass as she walked me through a dimly lit corridor. The stage I had only hours before been so excited to see was now dark and gloomy. The lights, music, and concert now seemed so… pointless. As we walked past the stage crew cleaning and tearing down the event, I tried to wipe my face, (which I’m sure looked a hot mess.) The last thing I needed was another group of strangers offering me awkward condolences while trying to figure out why I’d been crying. To be honest, I just wanted the entire night to be over. I wanted it all to be a dream. I hoped I would eventually wake up and realize I’d imagined the entire

situation. Unlikely, I know. But, I hoped. Everything seemed to be moving in slow motion. We approached a brightly lit room filled with chic furniture, makeup stations, 2 large tables filled with food and snacks, and a mini fridge. WE-O probably used this room as their waiting area. I thought to myself. My bloodshot eyes rolled over the empty space as Starla led me towards the giant green couch in the corner. “Can you hang out here for a bit? I know it isn’t much but fee —“Starla, the group and their management are finishing up. Can you come prep them for their departure?” Starla stopped mid sentence as she brought her radio to her lips.“Copy that.” She replied sternly. “Gemi, I can’t imagine what you’re going through. I really can’t. I’m so heartbroken for you.” I could see Starla’s eyes beginning to fill with tears. And I didn’t wanna be the weirdo who kept bursting into tears…AGAIN so, I overzealously blurted out “No worries, I — umm… yea, thanks.” She must’ve felt the awkwardness I was trying to mask because with a reserved head nod, she cleared her throat, patted me softly on the back, and got up. “Feel free to eat any of the food or snacks in here. There are drinks— water, soda, juice, and things like that, in the fridge over there too. I’ll be back in a few minutes to check on you, but If you need anything, text me. I put my number in your phone earlier under “Starla.” In response, I conjured up the “non-fakiest” fake smile I could and desperately tried to look less fragile. Her expression met mine with her own saddened smile, then she turned on her heels and headed out the door. The silence of being alone remind me of the physical pain my heart was in. As much as I tried to stop, tears just kept coming. I couldn’t believe that I’d never get another moment with my parents. They’d never get to watch me graduate, go to college, or get married. I’d never get to hear them say “keep me” again. In a vain effort to take my mind off of the nightmare unraveling before me, I decided to search the room for tissues. Surely they had to have tissues…or napkins…or something. Just as I stood up to begin what felt like a scavenger hunt, my phone rang. My heart immediately sank. “Unknown” flashed across the screen. Since I was sure that no news could be worse than what I’d already been told,

I took a deep breath, tried to hide the agony in my voice, and answered with a frail “hello?”

“Miss Lennox? Hi, it’s officer Conrad again. My apologies for keeping you waiting so long. We’re still trying to get things wrapped up here. Is Ms. Hollins available? I have a few more questions for her.”

I really didn’t feel like talking. I barely felt like breathing. However, after an insanely long pause, I cleared my throat and mumbled “I don’t know where she is right now. She told me I can—” an annoyingly loud voice on the other end of the call interrupted me.

“Sir, the coroner wants to know if a family member is coming to identify the bodies, or if they should be taken directly to the morgue?

After officer Conrad let out what sounded like a small gasp, his phone line went completely silent, (which I knew meant I was muted.) I paced back and forth as I tried to catch my breath. I couldn’t un-hear what was just said. My parents…. were really gone. Tears welled up in my eyes again. I bit my lip hoping to distract myself long enough to get through the phone call. A sudden click on the other end of the call grabbed my attention.

“Gemi? Are you still there? I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean for you to hear that. I know you’re going through a lot right now. But please know, I’m trying to do everything I can to help. I just need to speak to your chaperone, Ms. Starla Hollins. Is she around?”

I took another deep breath as I let out an accidental sigh. “I don’t know where she is right now. She told me I could text her if I needed to.” I said as I poked my head out the door and leered down the freakishly empty hallway.

“I see. Well, it’s kind of urgent so, can you try to find her please? I’ll wait on the line.” He replied in a much more rushed tone than earlier. “Okay, I’ll try.” I said as I shrugged off the pinch of fear that taunted me. I remembered seeing Starla make a right turn when she left the room so, I followed suit. I semi-rushed down the hallway as I peeked into each of the rooms that had open doors. No sign of Starla. Sniffling back tears, I whispered into the phone “Hold on please, I’m looking for her.” His “okay, thanks” response seemed distracted and scattered, but I didn’t have the energy to over analyze it. My heart continued to race as I made the left turn at the end of the hall and began hearing people speaking Korean. I couldn’t understand anything other than the occasional “네/nae” (which means yes, in Korean.) I walked slower as I followed the sound of the voices. They were coming from one of the rooms towards the end of the hallway. What if it’s WE-O? The thought made my heart pound even faster. It was late, I was tired, and I’m sure I looked like a crazy person, but I didn’t care. If finding Starla would help me end this night any quicker, I would speak to anyone I needed to (even if my eyes were red, puffy, and full of tears.) I slowly walked up to the doorway and stopped. I knew I needed a second to conjure up the courage to peak inside and ask for Starla. I wiped the remaining tears from my eyes and pushed my hair out of my face. Just as I was about to make my grand entrance, a tap on the shoulder stopped me in my tracks.

Ummm…Gemi?

Startled, I dropped my phone as I turned around and landed face to face with Gio!!

TO BE CONTINUED.

(STAY TUNED FOR PART 2 OF GEMI LENNOX)