Do You Speak Jackal or Giraffe? Designing Sustainable Relationships
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Do you speak Jackal or Giraffe? Designing Sustainable Relationships Whitney Hess [email protected] whitneyhess.com @whitneyhess
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Transcript of Do You Speak Jackal or Giraffe? Designing Sustainable Relationships
Do you speak Jackal or Giraffe?
Designing Sustainable
RelationshipsWhitney Hess [email protected] whitneyhess.com @whitneyhess
@whitneyhess #sustainableux
My boss hates everything I do մեey won’t let me do it the right way She never listens He gets in my way He derails every meeting He doesn’t take me seriously She’s a slacker I don’t get any credit մեey don’t respect my authority I always get shot down She doesn’t have what it takes I am stuck I can’t do anything right
@whitneyhess #sustainableux
Environmental
Economic Social
ViableBearable
Equitable
SUSTAINABLE
@whitneyhess #sustainableux
Social sustainability is…
the ability of a social system, such as an organization, to function at a defined level of social wellbeing indefinitely
thwink.org
@whitneyhess #sustainableux
Social sustainability is…
“a process for creating sustainable, successful places that promote wellbeing, by understanding what people need from the places they live & work”
social-life.co
@whitneyhess #sustainableux
Understanding what people feel and need
= empathy
@whitneyhess #sustainableux
Understanding what people feel and need
= empathy
including ourselves
@whitneyhess #sustainableux
Empathy Practices
User Research
Usability Testing
Empathy Mapping
Simulators
@whitneyhess #sustainableux
@whitneyhess #sustainableux
“Our world offers abundant resources for
meeting needs: When human beings are
committed to valuing everyone’s needs and
have regained their skills for fostering
connection and their creativity about
sharing resources, we can overcome our
current crisis of imagination and find ways
to attend to everyone’s basic needs.”
baynvc.org
@whitneyhess #sustainableux
Jackal Giraffe
@whitneyhess #sustainableux
Jackal Giraffe
@whitneyhess #sustainableux
Jackal Giraffe
@whitneyhess #sustainableux
Jackal GiraffeMy boss hates everything I do
մեey won’t let me do it the right way
She never listens
He gets in my way
He derails every meeting
He doesn’t take me seriously
She’s a slacker
I don’t get any credit
մեey don’t respect my authority
I always get shot down
She doesn’t have what it takes
I am stuck
I can’t do anything right
@whitneyhess #sustainableux
Jackal GiraffeMy boss hates everything I do
մեey won’t let me do it the right way
She never listens
He gets in my way
He derails every meeting
He doesn’t take me seriously
She’s a slacker
I don’t get any credit
մեey don’t respect my authority
I always get shot down
She doesn’t have what it takes
I am stuck
I can’t do anything right
@whitneyhess #sustainableux
Jackal GiraffeMy boss hates everything I do My boss gives me lots of feedback
on my work
My boss asks me lots of questions about my work
My boss requests many iterations and alternate solutions
My boss attends every meeting
I frequently solicit feedback from my boss and my colleagues
I receive feedback even when I didn’t ask for it
@whitneyhess #sustainableux
Jackal GiraffeMy boss hates everything I do My boss gives me lots of feedback
on my work
My boss asks me lots of questions about my work
My boss requests many iterations and alternate solutions
My boss attends every meeting
I frequently solicit feedback from my boss and my colleagues
I receive feedback even when I didn’t ask for it
OBSERVATIONS
@whitneyhess #sustainableux
Jackal GiraffeMy boss hates everything I do When my boss gives me lots of
feedback on my work,
I feel…
@whitneyhess #sustainableux
Jackal GiraffeMy boss hates everything I do When my boss gives me lots of
feedback on my work,
I feel insecure, anxious, ____________
FEELINGS
@whitneyhess #sustainableux
Jackal GiraffeMy boss hates everything I do When my boss gives me lots of
feedback on my work,
I feel insecure, anxious, ____________
Because I value direction, learning and growth, but I also need ___________
@whitneyhess #sustainableux
Jackal GiraffeMy boss hates everything I do When my boss gives me lots of
feedback on my work,
I feel insecure, anxious, ____________
Because I value direction, learning and growth, but I also need trust, support, space, ___________
NEEDS
@whitneyhess #sustainableux
Jackal GiraffeMy boss hates everything I do When my boss gives me lots of
feedback on my work,
I feel insecure, anxious, ____________
Because I value direction, learning and growth, but I also need trust, support, space, ___________
I guess my boss feels _____________
FEELINGS
@whitneyhess #sustainableux
Jackal GiraffeMy boss hates everything I do When my boss gives me lots of
feedback on my work,
I feel insecure, anxious, ____________
Because I value direction, learning and growth, but I also need trust, support, space, ___________
I guess my boss feels _____________
Because she needs _____________
NEEDS
@whitneyhess #sustainableux
Jackal GiraffeMy boss hates everything I do When my boss gives me lots of
feedback on my work,
I feel insecure, anxious, ____________
Because I value direction, learning and growth, but I also need trust, support, space, ___________
I guess my boss feels _____________
Because she needs _____________
How can I tell her how much I value her ________ and ________, but also need trust, space and ________?
What are other ways to share feedback that would meet her needs and mine?
REQUESTS
@whitneyhess #sustainableux
Jackal Giraffe
Self-Empathy
Empathy for Others
Honest Self-Expression
Self-Criticism
Judgment of Others
Blame and Shame
@whitneyhess #sustainableux
Jackal GiraffeMy boss hates everything I do
մեey won’t let me do it the right way
She never listens
He gets in my way
He derails every meeting
He doesn’t take me seriously
She’s a slacker
I don’t get any credit
մեey don’t respect my authority
I always get shot down
She doesn’t have what it takes
I am stuck
I can’t do anything right
@whitneyhess #sustainableux
Jackal GiraffeHe derails every meeting He speaks at length in every meeting
He introduces topics that aren’t on the meeting agenda
Other people participate less when he is in the room
We don’t agree to decisions before the end of the meeting
He asks questions about decisions that have already been made
He challenges others
He changes his mind often
OBSERVATIONS
@whitneyhess #sustainableux
Jackal GiraffeHe derails every meeting When he asks questions about
decisions that have already been made,
I feel _______, __________, _________
FEELINGS
@whitneyhess #sustainableux
Jackal GiraffeHe derails every meeting When he asks questions about
decisions that have already been made,
I feel _______, __________, _________
Because I value ________, but I also need _______, _________, _________
NEEDS
@whitneyhess #sustainableux
Jackal GiraffeHe derails every meeting When he asks questions about
decisions that have already been made,
I feel _______, __________, _________
Because I value ________, but I also need _______, _________, _________
I guess he feels _____________
FEELINGS
@whitneyhess #sustainableux
Jackal GiraffeHe derails every meeting When he asks questions about
decisions that have already been made,
I feel _______, __________, _________
Because I value ________, but I also need _______, _________, _________
I guess he feels _____________
Because he needs ____________
NEEDS
@whitneyhess #sustainableux
Jackal GiraffeHe derails every meeting When he asks questions about
decisions that have already been made,
I feel _______, __________, _________
Because I value ________, but I also need _______, _________, _________
I guess he feels _____________
Because he needs ____________
How can I tell him how much I value his ________ and ________, but also need _______ and ________?
What are other ways to have him involved that meet his needs and mine?
REQUESTS
@whitneyhess #sustainableux
Jackal Giraffe
Self-Empathy
Empathy for Others
Honest Self-Expression
Self-Criticism
Judgment of Others
Blame and Shame
@whitneyhess #sustainableux
Nonviolent Communication
• All actions are attempts to meet needs
• All needs are universal
• All feelings point to needs being met or unmet
• All conflicts are over strategies, not needs
Assumptions Intentions
• Separate observations from judgments
• Care equally for everyone’s needs
• Practice self-empathy
• Commit to honest self-expression
@whitneyhess #sustainableux
Today’s decisions will impact tomorrow’s possibilities
մեank you! Whitney Hess
@whitneyhess whitneyhess.com
Slides and handouts at whitneyhess.com/sustainable/
