商务英语写作 BUSINESS WITING商务英语写作商务英语写作商务英语写作...

商务英语写作商务英语写作BUSINESS WITING




商务英语写作 Chapter one

An overview of business writing

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Integrating Your Message


Unit 1

Getting StartedGetting Started

Consolidating Your Skills


Writing Your Message


Composing Your Message


Sample StudySample Study

ChecklistChecklist

Be aware of the basic principles of

business writing

Achieve clarity in business writing

Adopt proper You-attitude in

business writing

Identify the sentences

Be aware of the basic principles of

business writing

Achieve clarity in business writing

Adopt proper You-attitude in

business writing

Identify the sentences

ObjectivesObjectives

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课程简介本课程是国际商务从业人员必备

的核心业务课程之一。通过介绍公司商务活动中各种英文业

务函件的写作格式和内容，使学生在相对真实的商务环境中提高英语水平。熟练掌握商务活动中常用的基本术语及表达技能，培养和提高业务工作能力 .

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课程内容

• 本课程主要学习信例，尤其是学习商务运作环节中有代表性的信例。为了适应国际写作趋势的变化及满足商务环境的需要，将教授包括备忘录、销售信、邀请信、投诉、理赔、申请信、报告、英文简历、合同等在内的多种形式的信函写作。

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• 笔记本• 课堂认真听讲，积极发言讨论• 课后完成作业

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教学安排

• 每次课预先会布置教学内容以便预习，不定期布置作业。

• 平时成绩（作业完成情况，出勤率），占总成绩的 30 ％

• 期末考试成绩占总成绩的 70 ％

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学习方法

• 《商务英语写作》是一门实践操作性很强的课程。也就是说，要达到正确拟写商务信函及各种商务公函的目的，仅有理论是远远不够的。还必须通过理论联系实际的方法，大量练习书写商务活动中各种有代表性的信函，才能深入体会何为七个“ C’S” 写作的基础理论知识。更重要的是通过学习信例，熟悉各类信函中所包括的词汇、短语、句型以及习惯表达方式等等，以求达到掌握并熟练使用的目的。

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沟通无处不在

Plan Products Hire Training

Motive Coordinate Persuade

Bill Build Goodwill

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沟通的形式

• Verbal Communication

• 1.face to face

• 2.Phone conversations

• 3.Informal meetings

• 4.Email messages

• 5.Letters

• 6.Memos

• 7.Reports

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沟通的形式

• Nonverbal communication

• 1.Pictures

• 2.Logo

• 3.The size of office

• 4.Facial expressions

• 5.Eye contact

• 6.Gestures

• 7.Body language

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沟通的七个要素

• Source

• Audience

• Goal

• Context

• Message

• Media

• Feedback

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小案例：入乡随俗• 美国统一联合有限公司，认为时机已经成熟

，该把它在国内销售给两代人的精美产品推广到全世界了。它派副总裁哈里到欧洲去开拓市场。哈里的第一站是伦敦，他和银行家做了简短会谈—通过电话。他同样轻松地与巴黎人打交道：在银色之旅宾馆订了午餐，他这样招呼他的客人，某工业工程公司的总裁：“雅克，叫我哈里好了。”

• 在德国，哈里先生像一个发电站。他快速的做了一个长篇的、像艺术作品一样的营销讲话，并辅以图表和视听材料，以显示来自佐治亚的他知道如何做生意。

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小案例：入乡随俗

• 在去米兰的飞机上，他与邻座的日本商人开始交谈。他把名片扔在对方的托盘上，当他们告别时，他与对方热情握手并抓住了对方的右臂。后来，在他与一位意大利包装设计公司的所有与会者见面的时候，哈里先生穿着他舒适的条形灯心绒运动外衣、卡其布裤子和帆布鞋。人人都知道意大利人是逗趣和放松的人，不是吗？

• 错了，六个月过去了，统一联合公司除了收到一堆帐单以外，在这次旅行中未获任何成果。在欧洲，没有人对哈里着迷。

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小案例：入乡随俗• 英国：通常不用电话做生意。商业招待往往在午餐时进行，而不是在晚餐时。

• 法国：法国人对陌生人非常正规，不喜欢太快的亲近，不愿意被陌生人直呼其名。

• 德国：他们不喜欢夸张和卖弄。喜欢和内敛沉稳的商人做生意。

• 日本：日本属于“无碰触文化” ，随意的碰触会被认为是失礼和狂妄自大。

• 意大利：对时装非常敏感。他们穿着漂亮并崇尚创造，对别人俗丽或不得体的服装感到吃惊。

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　　Working in a company, various emails and faxes need to be

written to customers, suppliers, distributors, or manufacturers /

producers everyday; to win business in the sharp competition,

attractive profile and effective description of products are quite

helpful; to learn about the development and problems of the

company, a business report is a reliable source; to remind

someone of something important, leaving a memo for him or her

is rather convenient, so on and so forth,all these activities are

concerned with writing. Since no deal would be made without

writing, it is necessary to be familiar with the essential elements

ofeffective business writings.

　　Working in a company, various emails and faxes need to be

written to customers, suppliers, distributors, or manufacturers /

producers everyday; to win business in the sharp competition,

attractive profile and effective description of products are quite

helpful; to learn about the development and problems of the

company, a business report is a reliable source; to remind

someone of something important, leaving a memo for him or her

is rather convenient, so on and so forth,all these activities are

concerned with writing. Since no deal would be made without

writing, it is necessary to be familiar with the essential elements

ofeffective business writings.

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　　 Before joining in a company, you need first of all to write

your CV and application letter. When you get the job at last,

writing emails or faxes may become one part of your routine

jobs. At the same time, memos, letters, reports and so on are

also unavoidable in your working life. We treat all these as

business writing in this book.

　　 Before joining in a company, you need first of all to write

your CV and application letter. When you get the job at last,

writing emails or faxes may become one part of your routine

jobs. At the same time, memos, letters, reports and so on are

also unavoidable in your working life. We treat all these as

business writing in this book.

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• A great deal of business is transacted in writing.

• Effective business writers can use their skill to help increase their company’s sales and profits .

• Proficiency in writing gives the person in business a personal advantage.

1. Why the ability to write is a business asset?

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Functions of Business Writing

1. To inform2. To influence3. To entertain

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To inform

• Messages to inform are used to convey the vast amount of information needed to complete the day-to-day operations . The major purpose of most of these messages is to have the receiver understand a body of information and concentrate on the logical presentation of the content.

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To influence

•In addition to providing information, a business message must also influence the reader’s attitudes and actions.

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• To secure the desired response, it is necessary to have an adequate knowledge of the English language and an understanding of human nature.

• The writer should have an acquaintance with the particular interest and, if possible, the emotions of the reader. No communication is wholly successful unless it retains the reader’s goodwill.

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2. Writing Principles of business Letters

Five-steps

1) Preparing Objective, Reader, Scope2) Formatting Layout of the document3) Organizing Gathering information, sorting details, and making outlines.

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2. Writing Principles of business Letters

Five-steps

4) Drafting

Start where you feel the most comfortable.

Don’t worry about possible mistakes

Focus on the ideas you want to present.

5) Revising

Check on the overall tone and format.

Ask for advice from colleagues.

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Directions: Revising Box• Does my writing include every element of a

business letter?• Am I clear about my writing purpose?• Have I made effective use of layout and white

space in the letter?• Have I sorted out the facts appropriately?• Have I organized the content logically?• Have I written it concisely and politely?• Have I checked everything including grammar,

punctuation and spelling?

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　　　　Read the following dialogue. Pay attention to the underlined parts. Suppose you could not make the phone call because of the time difference between you and Janet Smith, send her an email to explain the situation.

Read the following dialogue. Pay attention to the underlined parts. Suppose you could not make the phone call because of the time difference between you and Janet Smith, send her an email to explain the situation.

J: Hello, this is John in Purchasing. It’s about Janet Smith’s order

of January 25th. Can I have a word with her?

T: Sorry, John, This is Tom. She won’t be in till tomorrow, but you

can leave her a message.

J: Hello, this is John in Purchasing. It’s about Janet Smith’s order

of January 25th. Can I have a word with her?

T: Sorry, John, This is Tom. She won’t be in till tomorrow, but you

can leave her a message.

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J: Thanks. I’m afraid we’ve got one or two problems with some of

the items she ordered. She asked for twenty packets of green

photocopy paper but unfortunately our suppliers have said that

although they can send almost any other color right away, they

can only send that one to us on Friday. Can you ask her if she’ll

take another color— the blue’s nice— or will she wait ?

T: Ok. Is that all then?

J: Thanks. I’m afraid we’ve got one or two problems with some of

the items she ordered. She asked for twenty packets of green

photocopy paper but unfortunately our suppliers have said that

although they can send almost any other color right away, they

can only send that one to us on Friday. Can you ask her if she’ll

take another color— the blue’s nice— or will she wait ?

T: Ok. Is that all then?

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J: No, there’re a couple of other questions, I’m afraid. The new

envelops they’ve sent us are not as wide as the old stock; there’s

not much difference but they’re a little narrower. Could you ask

her if that’s all right?

T: Ok.Was anything else?

J: Oh yes, she asked for another filing cabinet. Can she confirm

which size— it could be either two or four drawers— which does

she want? If she could let me know as soon as...

J: No, there’re a couple of other questions, I’m afraid. The new

envelops they’ve sent us are not as wide as the old stock; there’s

not much difference but they’re a little narrower. Could you ask

her if that’s all right?

T: Ok.Was anything else?

J: Oh yes, she asked for another filing cabinet. Can she confirm

which size— it could be either two or four drawers— which does

she want? If she could let me know as soon as...

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Discuss with a partner about the differences between oral and written language, in terms of tone, sentence pattern, choice of words, etc.

Discuss with a partner about the differences between oral and written language, in terms of tone, sentence pattern, choice of words, etc.

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　　　　Sample 1Sample 1

Dear Janet,

I am writing to you about your order of January 25th.

You asked for twenty packets of green photocopy

paper but unfortunately our suppliers have said that

although they can send almost any other color right

away, they can only send that one to us on Friday.

Would you like to take another color— the blue’s

nice—or will you wait?

Dear Janet,

I am writing to you about your order of January 25th.

You asked for twenty packets of green photocopy

paper but unfortunately our suppliers have said that

although they can send almost any other color right

away, they can only send that one to us on Friday.

Would you like to take another color— the blue’s

nice—or will you wait?

Start the

correspondence with

a clear purpose, and

aspecific reference

Keep accurate by

using numbers

Show politeness

with careful choice

of words, such as

“would”,“please”

Start the

correspondence with

a clear purpose, and

aspecific reference

Keep accurate by

using numbers

Show politeness

with careful choice

of words, such as

“would”,“please”

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In addition, the new envelops they’ve sent us are

not as wide as the old stock without other

differences. Is this all right?

By the way, you asked for another filing cabinet. It

could be either two or four drawers. Which one do

you want?

Please let us know your decisions ASAP. Hope we

can have a good cooperation!

Best wishes.

John

In addition, the new envelops they’ve sent us are

not as wide as the old stock without other

differences. Is this all right?

By the way, you asked for another filing cabinet. It

could be either two or four drawers. Which one do

you want?

Please let us know your decisions ASAP. Hope we

can have a good cooperation!

Best wishes.

John

Use

abbreviations

Use

abbreviations

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Dear Susan,

Sorry for my late response, I was traveling and also

have been busy organizing the business structure of

our operations here in China. So far, right now we

are settled and ready to start.

I want to introduce you Iris Zhang, she will be our

representative here in China and will follow our

current projects.

Dear Susan,

Sorry for my late response, I was traveling and also

have been busy organizing the business structure of

our operations here in China. So far, right now we

are settled and ready to start.

I want to introduce you Iris Zhang, she will be our

representative here in China and will follow our

current projects.

Reply with

explaining if

necessary

Reply with

explaining if

necessary

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My partners in Mexico have selected one style of

your products and want to start the business buying

one container on King size of that. Find attached

the style image selected. From your side we need

you to send us the following information ASAP:

1. FOB cost per unit, King size and a full container

including night stand (send me the costs separate).

2. Please let me know your payment terms.

3. For production lead time, I remember you

mentioned 45 days but this will be very long. Is it

possible to shorten your lead time ? Please check

My partners in Mexico have selected one style of

your products and want to start the business buying

one container on King size of that. Find attached

the style image selected. From your side we need

you to send us the following information ASAP:

1. FOB cost per unit, King size and a full container

including night stand (send me the costs separate).

2. Please let me know your payment terms.

3. For production lead time, I remember you

mentioned 45 days but this will be very long. Is it

possible to shorten your lead time ? Please check

Put the points in

order of

importance if

there are more

than 2 points in

the list

Put the points in

order of

importance if

there are more

than 2 points in

the list

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with the people at the factory and let me know the

best you can do.

4. Please let me know the packaging specification. I

need to provide this information to the team in

Mexico. We want to make sure the product will

arrive without damage. Iris will contact you

tomorrow. Could you please send her your contact

phone number?

Thanks for your patience and look forward to your

early reply.

Best regards!

Giovanni

with the people at the factory and let me know the

best you can do.

4. Please let me know the packaging specification. I

need to provide this information to the team in

Mexico. We want to make sure the product will

arrive without damage. Iris will contact you

tomorrow. Could you please send her your contact

phone number?

Thanks for your patience and look forward to your

early reply.

Best regards!

Giovanni

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VocabularyVocabulary

packet n. [C] a container made of paper, plastic, or

cardboard 小包，小袋supplier n. [C] a company that provides a particular

product 供应商stock n. [C&U] a supply of a particular type of thing

that a shop has available to sell 存货filing cabinet a piece of office furniture with drawers

for storing letters, reports etc. 文件柜operation n. [C] a business, company, or organization 公司representative n. [C] someone who has been chosen to speak,

or make decisions for someone else 代表

packet n. [C] a container made of paper, plastic, or

cardboard 小包，小袋supplier n. [C] a company that provides a particular

product 供应商stock n. [C&U] a supply of a particular type of thing

that a shop has available to sell 存货filing cabinet a piece of office furniture with drawers

for storing letters, reports etc. 文件柜operation n. [C] a business, company, or organization 公司representative n. [C] someone who has been chosen to speak,

or make decisions for someone else 代表

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VocabularyVocabulary

container n. [C] a very large metal box in which goods

are packed to make it easy to lift or

move them onto a ship or vehicle 集装箱King size very large, and usually the largest size of

something 大号night stand a small cabinet put beside the bed 床头柜payment terms the ways of payment 付款方式lead time the time that it takes to make or produce

something 备货时间packaging specification the size that the product packed 包装规格

container n. [C] a very large metal box in which goods

are packed to make it easy to lift or

move them onto a ship or vehicle 集装箱King size very large, and usually the largest size of

something 大号night stand a small cabinet put beside the bed 床头柜payment terms the ways of payment 付款方式lead time the time that it takes to make or produce

something 备货时间packaging specification the size that the product packed 包装规格

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Useful ExpressionsUseful Expressions

1. I am writing to...

2. Would you like to...

3. ASAP = as soon as possible

4. Sorry for my late response...

5. Find attached the...

6. From your side we need you to send me the following information

ASAP.

7. Is it possible...

8. Please let me know...

9. Look forward to your early reply.

1. I am writing to...

2. Would you like to...

3. ASAP = as soon as possible

4. Sorry for my late response...

5. Find attached the...

6. From your side we need you to send me the following information

ASAP.

7. Is it possible...

8. Please let me know...

9. Look forward to your early reply.

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Tips on WritingTips on Writing

Outline what to say before starting and keep to the point while

writing.

Keep ABC (Accurate, Brief and Clear) in your mind in business

writing.

Build goodwill through you-attitude and bias-free language

(instead of “ businessman ”, “salesman”, write “business person” ,

“sales person”, etc.).

Use positive language as more as possible instead of negative one.

For example, “Please do be on time” should be more acceptable

than“ Don’t be late for the meeting ”for the reader.

Outline what to say before starting and keep to the point while

writing.

Keep ABC (Accurate, Brief and Clear) in your mind in business

writing.

Build goodwill through you-attitude and bias-free language

(instead of “ businessman ”, “salesman”, write “business person” ,

“sales person”, etc.).

Use positive language as more as possible instead of negative one.

For example, “Please do be on time” should be more acceptable

than“ Don’t be late for the meeting ”for the reader.

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Use“ we ” instead o f“ I ”to indicate that you are working for your

company, not only for yourself.

Begin most paragraphs with topic sentence, because it helps

reader

remember points. Use transitions to link ideas.

Vary sentence length and structure. Use short sentences when

subject matter is complicated, and use longer sentences to show

how ideas link to each other, or reduce repetition.

Use specific words rather than the general ones, especially when it

is involved with numbers. For instance, instead of “ We have

several problems to discuss with you”, you could write “ We have

three main problems to discuss with you”.

Use“ we ” instead o f“ I ”to indicate that you are working for your

company, not only for yourself.

Begin most paragraphs with topic sentence, because it helps

reader

remember points. Use transitions to link ideas.

Vary sentence length and structure. Use short sentences when

subject matter is complicated, and use longer sentences to show

how ideas link to each other, or reduce repetition.

Use specific words rather than the general ones, especially when it

is involved with numbers. For instance, instead of “ We have

several problems to discuss with you”, you could write “ We have

three main problems to discuss with you”.

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Use familiar words that most people know.

Use passive verbs when emphasize object receiving action, or give

coherence by repeating the word in previous sentence, or avoid

placing blame.

Use simple, shorter verbs to carry weight, for instance, use “

consider ” instead of “ take into consideration”, replace “ make a

decision” with “decide”, etc.

Make sure that the information is complete and correct.

Use familiar words that most people know.

Use passive verbs when emphasize object receiving action, or give

coherence by repeating the word in previous sentence, or avoid

placing blame.

Use simple, shorter verbs to carry weight, for instance, use “

consider ” instead of “ take into consideration”, replace “ make a

decision” with “decide”, etc.

Make sure that the information is complete and correct.

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Effective Business Communication Criteria — 7Cs:Effective Business Communication Criteria — 7Cs:

ClarityClarity清晰 Apply the KISS formula—“Keep It Short and Simple.”

Choose short, familiar, conversational words to construct

effective sentences andparagraphs.

CompletenessCompleteness 完整完整 Answer all questions asked.

Give something extra, when desirable.

Check for the five Ws (who, what, when, where and why)

and any other essentials.

ClarityClarity清晰 Apply the KISS formula—“Keep It Short and Simple.”

Choose short, familiar, conversational words to construct

effective sentences andparagraphs.

CompletenessCompleteness 完整完整 Answer all questions asked.

Give something extra, when desirable.

Check for the five Ws (who, what, when, where and why)

and any other essentials.

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ConcisenessConciseness 简洁简洁 Shorten or omit wordy expressions.

Include only relevant statements.

Avoid unnecessary repetition and long sentences.

CorrectnessCorrectness 正确正确 Use the right level of language. Include only accurate facts,

words, and figures.

Choose nondiscriminatory expressions.

ConcisenessConciseness 简洁简洁 Shorten or omit wordy expressions.

Include only relevant statements.

Avoid unnecessary repetition and long sentences.

CorrectnessCorrectness 正确正确 Use the right level of language. Include only accurate facts,

words, and figures.

Choose nondiscriminatory expressions.

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ConcretenessConcreteness 具体具体 Use specific facts and figures.

Put action in the verbs.

Choose vivid, image-building words.

ConsiderationConsideration 体谅体谅 Focus on“ you ” instead of “ I ” and “ we ”.

Take an interest in the reader; show how the reader will benefit.

Emphasize positive, pleasant facts.

Avoid negative words.

ConcretenessConcreteness 具体具体 Use specific facts and figures.

Put action in the verbs.

Choose vivid, image-building words.

ConsiderationConsideration 体谅体谅 Focus on“ you ” instead of “ I ” and “ we ”.

Take an interest in the reader; show how the reader will benefit.

Emphasize positive, pleasant facts.

Avoid negative words.

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CourtesyCourtesy 礼貌礼貌 Be sincerely tactful, thoughtful, and appreciative.

Omit expressions that irritate, hurt, or belittle.

Apologize good-naturedly.

Use words and phrases that set a positive tone.

Make the reply easy.

CourtesyCourtesy 礼貌礼貌 Be sincerely tactful, thoughtful, and appreciative.

Omit expressions that irritate, hurt, or belittle.

Apologize good-naturedly.

Use words and phrases that set a positive tone.

Make the reply easy.

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Courtesy

Being very polite, even in asking the addressee to pay back the debts or refusing his demands, your letter still should be very mild and tactful.

Being prompt in replying to the opposite part’s letter. The reply should usually be sent on the same day. If it is impossible for you to give a prompt reply in detail on the same day, you should write a short not to the client explaining why.

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Example 1

• Dear Sirs, we are sorry you have misunderstood us. (×)

• Dears Sirs, we are sorry we didn’t make ourselves clear. (√)

• We cannot understand why you have had trouble with these articles. (×)

• We presume that there must be some reasons for you having trouble with these articles. (√)

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Correctness

• Correct grammar, punctuation and spelling are basic requirements for business writing, In addition, correctness means choosing the correct level of language, and using accurate information and data.

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Example 2

• Enclosed is the copy of receipt. (×)• Enclosed is a copy of the receipt. (√)• I am looking for another sales

channels. (×)• I am looking for other sales channels.

(√)

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Conciseness

• Effective writing is concise—each word, sentence, and paragraph counts. Conciseness means to write in the fewest possible words without sacrificing completeness and courtesy. Because a wordy message requires more time to write and read, business people put a high premium on conciseness in business messages. Conciseness will give emphasis to your message.

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Example 3

• We do not anticipate any increase in prices in the near future. (Poor)

• We do not expect prices to rise soon. (Better)

• Owing to the fact that your competitor’s price is much lower than yours, we cannot accept your offer. (Poor)

• Because your competitor’s price is much lower than yours, we cannot accept your offer. (Better)

×× Exit

Clarity

• Clarity tells the reader exactly what he or she wants and needs to know, using words and a format that make your writings totally understood with just one reading. Short, familiar words and simple, short sentences rather than long, difficult words and complex and long sentences are better for this purpose.

×× Exit

Example 4

• They have a decided advantage in regard to freight. (Poor)

• They have a decided advantage in regard to freight charges ( 运费 ). (Better)

• They informed Messrs. Smith and Richardson that they would receive an answer in a few days. (Poor)

• They informed Messrs. Smith and Richardson that the latter would receive an answer in a few days. (Better)

×× Exit

Concreteness

• Your writing should be vivid, specific and definite rather than vague, general and abstract, especially when you are requiring a response, solving problems, making an offer or acceptance, etc.

×× Exit

Example

• Our apples are excellent.• Our apples are juicy, crispy and

tender. (Concrete)• Smithton Company is our big buyer.• Smithton Company did more than one

million USD worth of business with us in 2005. (Concrete)

×× Exit

Completeness

• Include all the necessary information and data in the message because information and data can help senders get receivers’ responses and achieve desired objectives. An incomplete message may result in increased communication costs, loss of goodwill, sales, and valued customers, cost of returning goods, and wasted time trying to make sense out of the incomplete message.

×× Exit

Example 6

• Suppose you are writing a letter to your supplier telling him that his goods were not delivered on time. What kind of information should you include in your letter?

×× Exit

Complete message

• Reminding him of his promise of timely delivery.

• What losses has this caused you?• Asking for compensation if there is

any agreement on that.• Expecting no such thing will happen

again.

×× Exit

Modern Changes

• Goodwill Effects: friendly, courteous things that make relations between people enjoyable.

• Other Effects: persuasion/ emphasis/ downplay

×× Exit

Three ways to achieve 7 Cs

• You Attitude

• Positive Tone

• Avoiding Old Language of Business

×× Exit

You Attitude

• Put the audience first: “It’s all about them.”

Focus on what they receive or can do

Stress what they want to know

X I have negotiated an agreement with Apex Rent –a-car that gives you a discount on rental cars.

As a Sunstrand employee, you can now get a 20% discount when you rent a car from Apex.

×× Exit

• Be careful with the use of “feeling” words.• Omit your feelings in most business situations• Omit audience’s feelings or reaction

X We are happy to extend you a credit line of $5,000. You can now charge up to $5,000 on your Visa card.

You Attitude

×× Exit

• Use “you” more often than “I” in positive situations.

• avoid “you” in negative situations. • In negative situations, use

Passive verbsImpersonal expressions

You Attitude

×× Exit

You Attitude X You made no allowance for inflation

in your estimate.

No allowance for inflation has been made in this estimate. (passive)

This estimate makes no allowance for inflation. (impersonal)

×× Exit

• Use words as positively as possible

X Never fail to back up your disks.Always back up your disks.

X Your balance of $800 is delinquent.Your balance of $800 is past due.

Positive Tone

×× Exit

• Look at situations with an optimistic outlook

X We will not allow you to charge more than $1,500 on your VISA account.

You can charge $1,500 on your new VISA card.

Positive Tone

×× Exit

X Awaiting the favor of your early response.I look forward to hearing from you soon.

X Please be good enough to advise us.Please tell us….

X We beg to inform you….I an writing to inform you….

Avoiding Old Language of Business Avoiding Old Language of Business

×× Exit

Exercises ---Revise SentencesX We regret to inform you that we must deny your request

for credit. For the time being,we can serve you only on a cash

basis.

X We will be pleased to deliver your order by the 16th. Your order will be deliver by the 16th.

X We have worked for 20 years to develop the best model car for our customers.

Our customers will find the best model car which we have spent 20 years to build.

×× Exit

Exercises ---Revise SentencesX We have received your letter of May 16.

Thank you for your letter of may 16.

X We have been quite tolerant of your past-due account and must now demand payment.

If you are to continue to enjoy the benefits of credit buying,you must clear your account now.

X We can sell at discount prices,but we cannot permit returns of merchandise.

Though returns of merchandise are unpermissable, you can get discount prices.

×× Exit

Exercises---Revise Sentences

X Unfortunately, your order cannot be sent until next week.

Your order can only be sent next week.

X Your negligence in this matter caused the damage

to the equipment. If you had taken proper care of the equipment,it

would have been in a good condition.

X Smoking is not permitted anywhere except in the lobby.

Smoking is allowed only in the lobby.

×× Exit

Dear Sir:

We are in receipt of your telephone call to my

secretary yesterday complying with your request

about a possible speaking engagement at your

Forthcoming training day.

If it within your power to tell us more details

would be grateful, so that I can see any of our

consultant can fit it into their schedule as per

your request.

Awaiting the favour of your early response.

Exercises---Revise Letter

×× Exit

Dear Sir:

Thank you for your telephone call to my

secretary about a possible speaking

engagement at your forthcoming training day.

I am interested,but would be grateful if you

Would let their have more details so that I

can see any of our consultant can fit it

into their schedule.

I look forward to hearing from you .

Exercises---Revise Letter

×× Exit

1. About photocopy paper:

________________________________________________.

2. About envelops:

________________________________________________.

3. About filing cabinet:

________________________________________________.

1. About photocopy paper:

________________________________________________.

2. About envelops:

________________________________________________.

3. About filing cabinet:

________________________________________________.

It’s OK if the envelops are not as wide as the old order, or insist on the same size envelops.It’s OK if the envelops are not as wide as the old order, or insist on the same size envelops.



Unit 1









ChecklistChecklist

Practice 1Practice 1

Check with a partner about what decisions Janet can make according to Sample 1?Check with a partner about what decisions Janet can make according to Sample 1?

change the color to blue, or wait sometime for the green ones change the color to blue, or wait sometime for the green ones

Two drawers filing cabinet, or four drawers filing cabinet. Two drawers filing cabinet, or four drawers filing cabinet.

×× Exit



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ClarityClarity



　　 In business writing, clarity means one sentence expressing one

meaning only in a simple and direct way, and there must be logical

relationship between different sentences.

e.g.

　　 I am writing to you about your order of January 25th. (Sample 1)

　　 (Showing the purpose of writing)

　　 You asked for twenty packets of green photocopy paper but

unfortunately our suppliers have said that although they can send

almost any other color right away, they can only send that one to us on

Friday.

　　 (Showing the relationship of three sentences: You asked for

twenty packets of green photocopy paper; our suppliers said they can

send almost any other color right away ;they can only send the green

　　 In business writing, clarity means one sentence expressing one

meaning only in a simple and direct way, and there must be logical

relationship between different sentences.

e.g.

　　 I am writing to you about your order of January 25th. (Sample 1)

　　 (Showing the purpose of writing)

　　 You asked for twenty packets of green photocopy paper but

unfortunately our suppliers have said that although they can send

almost any other color right away, they can only send that one to us on

Friday.

　　 (Showing the relationship of three sentences: You asked for

twenty packets of green photocopy paper; our suppliers said they can

send almost any other color right away ;they can only send the greenphotocopy paper to us on Friday.)photocopy paper to us on Friday.)

×× Exit



Unit 1







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1. They bought a bicycle in Beijing in a small shop which costs

$ 25.

__________________________________________________

2. We are one of the leading shoe manufacturers in China. We

are based in Shanghai. There are 2,000 people working for

our company.

__________________________________________________

__________________________________________________

1. They bought a bicycle in Beijing in a small shop which costs

$ 25.

__________________________________________________

2. We are one of the leading shoe manufacturers in China. We

are based in Shanghai. There are 2,000 people working for

our company.

__________________________________________________

__________________________________________________

Rewrite the following sentences to make the idea clearer.Rewrite the following sentences to make the idea clearer.

They bought a bicycle for $25 in a small shop in Beijing. They bought a bicycle for $25 in a small shop in Beijing.

We are one of the leading shoe manufacturers based in

Shanghai, China, with a workforce of 2,000 people.

We are one of the leading shoe manufacturers based in

Shanghai, China, with a workforce of 2,000 people.

×× Exit



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3. We confirm the order of two of your CM 120kg stainless

anchor. The unit price of it is USD 135, including delivery.

____________________________________________

____________________________________________

__

3. We confirm the order of two of your CM 120kg stainless

anchor. The unit price of it is USD 135, including delivery.

____________________________________________

____________________________________________

__


We confirm the order of two of your CM 120kg stainless

anchor at a price of USD135 each including delivery.

We confirm the order of two of your CM 120kg stainless

anchor at a price of USD135 each including delivery.

×× Exit



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4. We are enclosing our Sales Confirmation No. BA120, which is

in duplicate. We want you to complete your signature on one

copy of them. After you sign, please return it to us.

______________________________________________

______________________________________________

______________________________________________

4. We are enclosing our Sales Confirmation No. BA120, which is

in duplicate. We want you to complete your signature on one

copy of them. After you sign, please return it to us.

______________________________________________

______________________________________________

______________________________________________


We are enclosing our Sales Confirmation No. BA120, in

duplicate, and one copy of which, completed with your

signature, is to be returned to us.

We are enclosing our Sales Confirmation No. BA120, in

duplicate, and one copy of which, completed with your

signature, is to be returned to us.

×× Exit



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5. Those who work rapidly get ill in these conditions.

__________________________________________________

6. Marshall Corporation was founded forty years ago, and it now

has branch offices in four states, and it employs nearly 400

people.

__________________________________________________

__________________________________________________

__________________________________________________

5. Those who work rapidly get ill in these conditions.

__________________________________________________

6. Marshall Corporation was founded forty years ago, and it now

has branch offices in four states, and it employs nearly 400

people.

__________________________________________________

__________________________________________________

__________________________________________________


Those who work in these conditions rapidly get ill. Those who work in these conditions rapidly get ill.

Marshall Corporation, having branch offices in four states,

was founded forty years ago and it now employs nearly 400

people.

Marshall Corporation, having branch offices in four states,

was founded forty years ago and it now employs nearly 400

people.

×× Exit



Unit 1







ChecklistChecklist

You-attitudeYou-attitude



　　 You-attitude refers to looking at things from audience’s

viewpoint and emphasizes what audience wants to know. In positive

situations, use “you” more often than “I”, whereas in negative

situations, avoid using“ you”. Use “ we ” when it includes the

audience.

e.g.

　　 Lacks you-attitude: By the way, we offer two kinds of filing

cabinet: two or four drawers. Which one do you want?

　　 Contains you-attitude: By the way, you asked for another filing

cabinet. It could be either two or four drawers. Which one do you

want?

Lacks you-attitude: 　　　 I hope you can give us good news.

Contains you-attitude: 　　 Hope we can have a good cooperation!

　　 You-attitude refers to looking at things from audience’s

viewpoint and emphasizes what audience wants to know. In positive

situations, use “you” more often than “I”, whereas in negative

situations, avoid using“ you”. Use “ we ” when it includes the

audience.

e.g.

　　 Lacks you-attitude: By the way, we offer two kinds of filing

cabinet: two or four drawers. Which one do you want?

　　 Contains you-attitude: By the way, you asked for another filing

cabinet. It could be either two or four drawers. Which one do you

want?

Lacks you-attitude: 　　　 I hope you can give us good news.

Contains you-attitude: 　　 Hope we can have a good cooperation!

×× Exit

Different Attitudes We/I attitude You attitude

1.A large sale of our products will make our company more profitable.

2.We are in need of fund and you must pay…

3.We can not offer you any refund…

4.Obviously you forget telling us the color…

1.A good sale of the products will benefit you

2.To maintain your excellent credit, please remit…

3.You could obtain a refund if…

4.Please indicate your choice of color…

×× Exit

Suggestions (cont.)

5. Accent on positive language6. Singling out your reader

7. Using the reader’s names8. Avoid anger

×× Exit

Basic Patterns of Writing

• Directness in Good-news and Routine Messages (deductive)

• Indirectness in Bad-news messages (inductive)

×× Exit

Indirectness in Writing

Four parts:1) A buffer;2) Reasons supporting the negative

decision;3) A clear, diplomatic statement of

the negative decision;4) A helpful, friendly, and positive

close.

×× Exit

A buffer

1. As you mentioned, prompt delivery is so important that we have been making every effort to accomplish it.

2. We appreciate your writing to us about the quality of our products.

×× ExitReasons supporting the negative decision

1. As you know, supplying best quality products and services is our company’s policy.

2. The treatment you asked is only allowed to those that have an annual turnover of up to $2bn with us.

×× ExitA clear, diplomatic statement of the negative decision

1. For this reason we can only offer the retail price.

Compare: (cannot grant the discount as

requested)2. We find it difficult to ship the goods

before Christmas.Compare: (can not ship)

×× Exit

A helpful, friendly, and positive close.

1. Thank you again for your cooperation in this matter.

2. It would be possible for you to obtain a trade discount of 2% if payment is made on a cash basis.

×× Exit

Avoid Sentence Faults

See the following examples:

•Avoid fragments (不完整的句子).

•Avoid comma splices (逗号拼接).

•Avoid run-on sentences (连写句).

×× Exit

Avoid fragments

• A sentence fragment lacks either a subject (Actor) or verb (Action).

• My research report in business communication took a long time to prepare. And turned out badly.

• My research report in business communication took a long time to prepare but it turned out badly.

×× Exit

Avoid comma splices

• A comma splice results when two sentences are incorrectly joined or spliced together with a comma.

• Profits were down in 2005, the Board blamed the recession.

• Profits were down in 2005. The Board blamed the recession.

×× Exit

Avoid run-on sentences

• A run-on sentence joins two complete thoughts without proper punctuation.

• Employees want to keep their jobs they will work hard for promotions.

• Employees want to keep their jobs. They will work hard for promotions.

×× Exit



Unit 1







ChecklistChecklist

Put ( √ ) before the sentences that adopt You-attitude in

writing.


writing.



_____ 1. I negotiated an agreement with Apex Rent-a-Car that gives

you a discount of 20%.

_____ 2. You now can get a 20% discount when you rent a car from

Apex.

_____ 3. The 500 red and gray sweatshirts you ordered were

shipped

today and will reach you early next week.

_____ 4. We shipped your order today.

_____ 5. We provide the latest exercise equipment to all employees

in RAC Inc.

_____ 6. You have access to the latest exercise equipment as an

_____ 1. I negotiated an agreement with Apex Rent-a-Car that gives

you a discount of 20%.

_____ 2. You now can get a 20% discount when you rent a car from

Apex.

_____ 3. The 500 red and gray sweatshirts you ordered were

shipped

today and will reach you early next week.

_____ 4. We shipped your order today.

_____ 5. We provide the latest exercise equipment to all employees

in RAC Inc.

_____ 6. You have access to the latest exercise equipment as an


√√

√√

√√

employee of RAC Inc.employee of RAC Inc.

×× Exit



Unit 1







ChecklistChecklist


writing.


writing.



_____ 7. The Model GSK, a similar instrument, is in stock, and you

could have it at the same price as the GSF.

_____ 8. The Model GSK, a similar instrument, is in stock, and we

can offer it at the same price as the GSF.

_____ 9. We will ship the order as soon as it is confirmed.

_____ 10. It will be shipped as soon as you confirm this.

_____ 7. The Model GSK, a similar instrument, is in stock, and you

could have it at the same price as the GSF.

_____ 8. The Model GSK, a similar instrument, is in stock, and we

can offer it at the same price as the GSF.

_____ 9. We will ship the order as soon as it is confirmed.

_____ 10. It will be shipped as soon as you confirm this.


√√

√√

×× Exit





Unit 1





ChecklistChecklist

Reorganize the following sentences in the right order to make a complete email. Pay attention to the relationship of the sentences and keep one idea in one paragraph.

Reorganize the following sentences in the right order to make a complete email. Pay attention to the relationship of the sentences and keep one idea in one paragraph.



a. The Model GSK, a similar instrument, is in stock, and you

could

have it at the same price as the GSF.

b. It will be shipped as soon as you confirm this.

c. However, the spring sale drained our stock.

d. It normally sells for $10,000 or more.

e. If I had known your needs before May 20, I could have shipped

Model GSF immediately.


×× Exit





Unit 1





ChecklistChecklist




Dear Ms. Walters ,

I am writing to discuss with you about your order of our

GSF._______________________________________________

____________________________________________________

____________________________________________________

____________________________________________________

____________________________________________________

________________________________________

Best regards!

Rita

　　　 If I had known your needs before May 20, I could

have shipped Model GSF immediately. However, the spring

sale drained our stock. The Model GSK, a similar

instrument, is in stock, and you could have it at the same

price as the GSF. It normally sells for $10,000 or more. It

will be shipped as soon as you confirm this．

　　　 If I had known your needs before May 20, I could

have shipped Model GSF immediately. However, the spring

sale drained our stock. The Model GSK, a similar

instrument, is in stock, and you could have it at the same

price as the GSF. It normally sells for $10,000 or more. It

will be shipped as soon as you confirm this．

×× Exit





Unit 1





ChecklistChecklist

Read the following email. It is all right in terms of language, but not

quite acceptable in business communication. Discuss in groups of

3 to 4 people about how to improve the writing according to the

7Cs“Effective Communication Criteria”







Dear Mr. Leefung,

It is quite a long time since we saw each other last time in London. I

miss you very much. How are you? I am writing about our General

Manager’s visiting to your factory in Singapore. He wants to know

the development of your factory. He wants to stay in Singapore for

several days. He will be in Singapore on March 9 and 10. It is very

important for you because it concerns the future of your factory, so

you should prepare good enough. He wants to speak to all members


×× Exit





Unit 1





ChecklistChecklist











of the Production Department in your factory because he wants to

know everyone’s ideas about the development of the factory. Please

make sure that all of them need to cancel all other appointments in

those two days to welcome the General Manager.

Thank you very much for that!

Sincerely,

Mary Simms


×× Exit





Unit 1





ChecklistChecklist

Suppose you were in charge of technical resources in your

company. You have just received a letter from the Customer

Services Manager at JLM Communications, who is installing a

new telephone switchboard at your offices. Look at part of the

letter below, on which you have already made some handwritten

notes. Write a letter to JLM ’ s Customer Services Manager by

using the handwritten notes.

Suppose you were in charge of technical resources in your

company. You have just received a letter from the Customer

Services Manager at JLM Communications, who is installing a

new telephone switchboard at your offices. Look at part of the

letter below, on which you have already made some handwritten

notes. Write a letter to JLM ’ s Customer Services Manager by

using the handwritten notes.




×× Exit





Unit 1





ChecklistChecklist

We would like to begin installing your new telephone

switchboard on Tuesday (June 10). We hope to finish the

work as soon as possible.

Please note that extension numbers beginning with 8 will

now start with 5 and that all others will start with 3.

If you have any technical queries, please contact our

technical representative at our main office.

A copy of our invoice is attached.




system too complicated!

name will pay when job finished—say why

×× Exit

ChecklistChecklist





Unit 1





□ Is the letter complete and in the correct format ?

□ Is it clear and brief enough ?

□ Is it convincing and friendly ?

□ Is all information included ?

□ Are the first and last paragraphs effective ?

□ Are there any abbreviations you used for the first time

with

　 the correspondent ? Do you use them correctly ?

□ Is organization pattern effective?

□ Do the ideas flow smoothly ?

□ Does the message use you-attitude ?



×× Exit

ChecklistChecklist





Unit 1





　 There are at least three criteria can help us make judgments on

whether it is a sentence:(1) a capital letter at the beginning; (2) a

full stop, or a question mark, or an exclamation mark at the end; (3)

a grammatically complete structure, which means that a sentence

contains at least a subject and a predicate (or finite) verb.

e.g.

　 Iris will contact you tomorrow.

　 Is that all right?

　 How beautiful it is!

　 The three criteria just help us write grammatically correct

sentence. There is another principle which can help us write a well-

organized one: a sentence should express a single complete idea.



SentenceSentence

×× Exit

ChecklistChecklist





Unit 1





(1) a single idea—don’t put unrelated idea in a sentence.

　　 e.g. Original: Our company imports general merchandise ,

we have been in business since 1980.

Improved: Our company imports general merchandise.

We have been in business since 1980.

(2) a complete idea—don’t write a sentence too simple to be clear in

meaning or significant in expression.

e.g. Original: He is the tallest boy.

Improved: He is the tallest boy in my class.



SentenceSentence

×× Exit

ChecklistChecklist





Unit 1



The following is an email written by Linda, a five-year-old

girl, to her pal. Maybe she is too young to have a clear idea

about writing. So read it and make judgments whether the

groups of words are sentences or not. Then mark Y (yes) or

N (not) in the brackets after the groups of words.Composing Your

MessageComposing Your

Message




×× Exit

ChecklistChecklist





Unit 1






Hi, Tom, ( )

　　 Guess, where am I ? ( ) You won’t believe that I am in

Shanghai, China now. ( ) I have been here 3 days. ( 　 )

Visited Shanghai Expo. ( 　 ) And took many photos. ( )

Oh, Jesus! ( ) I was hardly lost. ( 　 ) Because there

were so many people. ( 　 ) Thanks God! ( 　 ) My mom

finally found me. ( 　 ) See you next week. ( ) I think

you will love listening to my stories in Shanghai. ( )

　　 With best wishes. ( )

　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　 Yours, 　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　 Linda ( 　 )Consolidating

Your SkillsConsolidating

Your Skills

N N

Y Y

N N

N N

N N

N N

Y Y Y Y

Y Y Y Y Y Y

Y Y Y Y

Y Y

Y Y

×× Exit

ChecklistChecklist





Unit 1






　　 When you buy insurance. You enter into a written agreement

with the insurance company. This agreement is called a policy, the

person who buys insurance is the policyholder. According to the

agreement. The insurance company promises to pay the policyholder

If certain types of losses occur. The policy states exactly. What losses

the company will pay for. For this protection. The policyholder makes

Improve the paragraph below according to the well-organized

sentence principles.





×× Exit

ChecklistChecklist





Unit 1






regular payments to the insurance company, each payment is called

a premium. The premiums paid by all policyholders. The premiums

are used to pay those who lose. In this way, the loss that they might

result in great financial hardship for one person or household. The

loss is shared by many people. Because only a portion of those

insured will actually have losses. Premiums are small compared with

the amount of protection provided.







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Transcript of 商务英语写作 BUSINESS WITING商务英语写作 商务英语写作 商务英语写作...

商务英语写作 BUSINESS WITING商务英语写作商务英语写作商务英语写作...

Transcript of 商务英语写作 BUSINESS WITING商务英语写作商务英语写作商务英语写作...