Post on 04-Jun-2018
8/13/2019 Sarah Kane - 4.48 Psychosis - Original
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SARAH KANE
4.48
PSYCHOSIS
8/13/2019 Sarah Kane - 4.48 Psychosis - Original
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4.48 Psychosis was first performed at the Royal Court Jerwood Theatre
Upstairs, London, on ! June """# The $ast was as follows%
&aniel E'ans
Jo ($)nnes
(adeline *otter
Directed by James (a$donald
Designed by Jeremy Her+ert Lighting by Niel J Edwards
Sound by *aul Arditti
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- A very long silence..
/ 0ut you ha'e friends#
- A long silence..
1ou ha'e a lot of friends#
2hat do you offer your friends to ma3e them so supporti'e4
- A long silence..
2hat do you offer your friends to ma3e them so supporti'e4
- A long silence..
2hat do you offer4
-Silence..
a $onsolidated $ons$iousness resides in a dar3ened +an5uetin
hall near the $eilin of a mind whose floor shifts as ten
thousand $o$3roa$hes when a shaft of liht enters as all
thouhts unite in an instant of a$$ord +ody no loner e6pellentas the $o$3roa$hes $omprise a truth whi$h no one e'er utters
) had a niht in whi$h e'erythin was re'ealed to me#How $an ) spea3 aain4
the +ro3en hermaphrodite who trusted hermself alone finds theroom in reality teemin and +es ne'er to wa3e from the
nihtmare
and they were all theree'ery last one of them
and they 3new my name
as ) s$uttled li3e a +eetle alon the +a$3s of their $hairs
Remem+er the liht and +elie'e the liht
An instant of $larity +efore eternal niht
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don7t let me foret
) am sad
) feel that the future is hopeless and that thins $annot impro'e
) am +ored and dissatisfied with e'erythin
) am a $omplete failure as a person
) am uilty, ) am +ein punished
) would li3e to 3ill myself
) used to +e a+le to $ry +ut now ) am +eyond tears
) ha'e lost interest in other people
) $an7t ma3e de$isions
) $an7t eat
) $an7t sleep
) $an7t thin3
) $annot o'er$ome my loneliness, my fear, my disust
) am fat
) $annot write
) $annot lo'e
(y +rother is dyin, my lo'er is dyin, ) am 3illin them +oth
) am $harin towards my death
) am terrified of medi$ation
) $annot ma3e lo'e
) $annot fu$3
) $annot +e alone
) $annot +e with others
(y hips are too +i
) disli3e my enitals
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At 8#89
when depression 'isits) shall han myself
to the sound of my lo'er7s +reathin
) do not want to die
) ha'e +e$ome so depressed +y the fa$t of my mortality that )ha'e de$ided to $ommit sui$ide
) do not want to li'e
) am :ealous of my sleepin lo'er and $o'er his indu$ed
un$ons$iousness
2hen he wa3es he will en'y my sleepless niht of thouht andspee$h unslurred +y medi$ation
) ha'e resined myself to death this year
Some will $all this self;indulen$e-they are lu$3y not to 3now its truth.
Some will 3now the simple fa$t of pain
This is +e$omin my normality
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)t wasn7t for lon, ) wasn7t there lon# 0ut drin3in +itter +la$3
$offee ) $at$h that medi$inal smell in a $loud of an$ient to+a$$o
and somethin tou$hes me in that still pla$e and a wound formtwo years ao opens li3e a $ada'er and a lon +uried shame roars
its foul de$ayin rief#
A room of e6pressionless fa$es strin +lan3ly at my pain,so de'oid of meanin there must +e e'il intent#
&r This and &r That and &r 2hatsit who7s :ust passin
and thouht he7d pop in to ta3e the piss as well# 0urnin ina hot tunnel of dismay, my humiliation $omplete as )
sha3e without reason and stum+le o'er words and ha'enothin to say a+out my 7illness7 whi$h anyway amounts
only to 3nowin that there7s no point in anythin +e$ause
)7m oin to die# And ) am deadlo$3ed +y that smooth psy$hiatri$ 'oi$e of reason whi$h tells me there is an
o+:e$ti'e reality in whi$h my +ody and mind are one# 0ut
) am not here and ne'er ha'e +een# &r This writes it down
and &r That attempts a sympatheti$ murmur# 2at$hinme, :udin me, smellin the $ripplin failure ooin from
my s3in, my desperation $lawin and all;$onsumin pani$
dren$hin me as ) ape in horror at the world and wonderwhy e'eryone is smilin and loo3in at me with se$ret
3nowlede of my a$hin shame#
Shame shame shame#
&rown in your fu$3in shame#
)ns$ruta+le do$tors, sensi+le do$tors, way;out do$tors,do$tors you7d thin3 were fu$3in patients if you weren7t
shown proof otherwise, as3 the same 5uestions, put words
in my mouth, offer $hemi$al $ures for $onenital anuishand $o'er ea$h other7s arses until ) want to s$ream for you,
the only do$tor who e'er tou$hed me 'oluntarily, who
loo3ed me in the eye, who lauhed at my allows humourspo3en in the 'oi$e from the newly;du ra'e, who too3
the piss when ) sha'ed my head, who lied and said it was
ni$e to see me# 2ho lied# And said it was ni$e to see me# )
trusted you, ) lo'ed you, and it7s not losin you that hurts
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me, +ut your +are;fa$ed fu$3in falsehoods that
mas5uerade as medi$al notes#
1our truth, your lies, not mine#
And while ) was +elie'in that you were different and thatyou may+e e'en felt the distress that sometimes fli$3ered
a$ross your fa$e and threatened to erupt, you were
$o'erin your arse too# Li3e e'ery othoer stupid mortal$unt#
To my mind that7s +etrayal# And my mind is the su+:e$t of
these +ewildered framents#
Nothin $an e6tinuish my aner#
And nothin $an restore my faith#
This is not a world in whi$h ) wish to li'e#
/Ha'e you made any plans4
/Ta3e an o'erdose, slash my wrists then han myself#
/All those thins toether4
/)t $ouldn7t possi+ly +e mis$onstrued as a $ry for help#
-Silence..
/)t wouldn7t wor3#
/Bf $ourse it would#
/)t wouldn7t wor3# 1ou7d start to feel sleepy from theo'erdose and wouldn7t ha'e the enery to $ut your wrists#
-Silence..
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/)7d +e standin on a $hair with a noose around my ne$3#
-Silence..
/ )f you were alone do you thin3 you miht harm yourself4
/)7m s$ared ) miht#
/Could that +e prote$ti'e4
/1es# )t7s fear that 3eeps me away from the train tra$3s# )
:ust hope to od that death is the fu$3in end# ) feel li3e
)7m eihty years old# )7m tired of life and my mind wantsto die#
/That7s a metaphor, not reality#
/)t7s a simile#
/That7s not reality#
/)t7s not a metaphor, it7s a simile, +ut e'en if it were, thedefinin feature of a metaphor is that it7s real#
- A long silence..
/1ou are not eihty years old#
-Silence..
Are you4
- A silence..
Are you4
- A silence..
Br are you4
- A long silence..
/&o you despise all unhappy people or is it me
spe$ifi$ally4
/) don7t despise you# )t7s not your fault# 1ou7re ill#
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/) don7t thin3 so#
/No4
/No# )7m depressed# &epression is aner# )t7s what you did,who was there and who you7re +lamin#
/And who are you +lamin4
/(yself#
0ody and soul $an ne'er +e married
) need to +e$ome who ) already am and will +ellow fore'er at
this in$onruity whi$h has $ommitted me to hell
)nsolu+le hopin $annot uphold me
) will drown in dysphoria
in the $old +la$3 pond of my self the pit of my immaterial mind
How $an ) return to formnow my formal thouht has one4
Not a life that ) $ould $ountenan$e#
They will lo'e me for that whi$h destroys me
the sword in my dreamsthe dust of my thouhts
the si$3ness that +reeds in the folds of my mind
E'ery $ompliment ta3es a pie$e of my soul
An e6pressionist naStallin +etween two fools
They 3now nothin / ) ha'e always wal3ed free
Last in a lon line of literary 3leptomania$s-a time honoured tradition.
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Theft is the holy a$t
Bn a twisted path to e6pression
A lut of e6$lamation mar3s spells impendin ner'ous
+rea3down
Just a word on a pae and there is the drama
) write for the dead
the un+orn
After 8#89 ) shall not spea3 aain
) ha'e rea$hed the end of his dreary and repunant tale of a sense
interned in an alien $ar$ass and lumpen +y the malinant spirit of the
moral ma:ority
) ha'e +een dead for a lon time
0a$3 to my roots
) sin without hope on the +oundary
RSD* ASA*
Sometimes ) turn around and $at$h the smell of you and ) $annoto on ) $annot fu$3in o on without e6pressin this terri+le so
fu$3in awful physi$al a$hin fu$3in lonin ) ha'e for you#
And ) $annot +elie'e that ) $an feel this for you and you feelnothin# &o you feel nothin4
-Silence..
And ) o out at si6 in the mornin and start my sear$h for you# )f
)7'e dreamt a messae of a street or a pu+ or a station ) o there#
And ) wait for you#
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-Silence..
1ou 3now, ) really feel li3e )7m +ein manipulated#
-Silence..
)7'e ne'er in my life had a pro+lem i'in another person what
they want# 0ut no one7s e'er +een a+le to do that for me# No onetou$hes me, no one ets near me# 0ut now you7'e tou$hed me
somewhere so fu$3in deep ) $an7t +elie'e and ) $an7t +e that for
you# 0e$ause ) $an7t find you#
-Silence..
2hat does she loo3 li3e4
And how will ) 3now her when ) see her4She7ll die, she7ll die, she7ll only fu$3in die#
-Silence..
&o you thin3 it7s possi+le for a person to +e +orn in the wron +ody4
-Silence..
u$3 you# u$3 you# u$3 you for re:e$tin me +y ne'er +ein
there, fu$3 you for ma3in me feel shit a+out myself, fu$3 you for
+leedin the fu$3in lo'e and life out of me, fu$3 my father forfu$3in up my life for ood and fu$3 my mother for not lea'in
him, +ut most of all, fu$3 you od for ma3in me lo'e a person
who does not e6ist,UCK 1BU UCK 1BU UCK 1BU#
/Bh dear, what7s happened to your arm4
/) $ut it#
/That7s a 'ery immature, attention see3in thin to do# &id
it i'e you relief4
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/No#
/&id it relie'e the tension4
/No#
/&id it i'e you relief4
-Silence..
&id it i'e you relief4
/No#
/) don7t understand why you did that#
/Than as3#
/&id it relie'e the tension4
- A long silence..
Can ) loo34
/No#
/)7d li3e to loo3, to see if it7s infe$ted#
/No#
-Silence..
/) thouht you miht do this# Lots of people do# )t relie'es
the tension#
/Ha'e you e'er done it4
/###
/No# ar too fu$3in sane and sensi+le# ) don7t 3now where
you read that, +ut it does not relie'e the tension#
-Silence..
2hy don7t you as3 me why4
Why did ) $ut my arm4
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/2ould you li3e to tell me4
/1es#
<Then tell me#
/ASK#(E#
2H1#
- A long silence..
/2hy did you $ut your arm4
/0e$ause it feels fu$3in reat# 0e$ause it feels fu$3inamain#
/ Can ) loo34
/1ou $an loo3# 0ut don7t tou$h#
/- Looks. And you don7t thin3 you7re ill4
/ No#
/) do# )t7s not your fault# 0ut you ha'e to ta3e responsi+ility
for your own a$tions# *lease don7t do it aain#
) dread the loss of her )7'e ne'er tou$hed
lo'e 3eeps me a sla'e in a $ae of tears) naw my tonue with whi$h to her ) $an ne'er spea3
) miss a woman who was ne'er +orn
) 3iss a woman a$ross the years that say we shall ne'er meet
E'erythin passes
E'erythin perishes E'erythin palls
my thouht wal3s away with a 3illin smile
lea'in dis$ordant an6iety
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whi$h roars in my soul
No hope No hope No hope No hope No hope No hope No hope
A son for my lo'ed one, tou$hin her a+sen$e
the flu6 of her heart, the splash of her smile
)n ten years time she7ll still +e dead# 2hen )7m li'in with it,
dealin with it, when a few days pass when ) don7t e'en thin3
of it, she7ll still +e dead# 2hen )7m an old lady li'in ion the
street forettin my name she7ll still +e dead, she7ll still +edead, she7ll still +e dead, it7s :ust
fu$3in
o'er
and ) must stand alone
(y lo'e, my lo'e, why ha'e you forsa3en me4
She is the $ou$hin pla$e where ) ne'er shall lie
and there7s no meanin to life in the liht of my loss
0uilt to +e lonelyto lo'e the a+sent
ind meree me
from this
$orrosi'e dou+t
futile despair
horror in repose
) $an fill my spa$e
fill my time +ut nothin $an fill this 'oid in my heart
The 'ital need for whi$h ) would die
0rea3down
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/No ifs or +uts#
/) didn7t say if or +ut, ) said no#
/Can7t must ne'er ha'e;to always won7t should shan7t#
The unneotia+les Not today#
-Silence..
/*lease# &on7t swit$h off my mind +y attemptin tostraihten me out# Listen and understand, and when you
feel $ontempt don7t e6press it, at least not 'er+ally, at leastnot to me#
-Silence..
/) don7t feel $ontempt#
/No4
/No# )t7s not your fault#
/)t7s not your fault, that7s all ) e'er hear, it7s not your fault,
it7s an illness, it7s not your fault, ) 3now it7s not my fault#
1ou7'e told me that so often )7m +einnin to thin3 it is myfault#
/)t7s not your fault#
/) KNB2#
/0ut you allow it#
-Silence..
&on7t you4
/There7s not a dru on earth $an ma3e life meaninful#
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/1ou allow this state of desperate a+surdity#
-Silence..
1ou allow it#
-Silence..
/) won7t +e a+le to thin3# ) won7t +e a+le to wor3#
/Nothin will interfere with your wor3 li3e sui$ide#
-Silence..
/) dreamt ) went to the do$tor7s and she a'e me eiht
minutes to li'e# )7d +een sittin in the fu$3in waitin
room half an hour#
- A long silence..
B3ay, let7s do it, let7s do the drus, let7s do the $hemi$al
lo+otomy, let7s shut down the hiher fun$tions of my +rainand perhaps )7ll +e a +it more fu$3in $apa+le of li'in#
Let7s do it#
a+stra$tion to the point of
unpleasant
una$$epta+le
uninspirin
impenetra+le
irrele'ant
irre'erentirreliious
unrepentant
) don7t imaine
-$learly.
that a sinle soul
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$ould
would
should or will
and if they did
) don7t thin3
-$learly.that another soul
a soul li3e mine
$ould
would should
or will
irrespe$ti'e
) 3now what )7m doin
all too well
No nati'e spea3er
irrational
irredu$i+leirredeema+le
unre$onisa+le
derailed
deraned
deform
free form
o+s$ure to the point of
True Riht Corre$t
Anyone or any+odyEa$h e'ery all
drownin in a sea of loi$
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this monstrous state of palsy
still ill
Symptoms% Not eatin, not sleepin, not spea3in, no se6 dri'e,
in despair, wants to die#
&ianosis% *atholoi$al rief#
Sertraline, @"m# )nsomnia worsened, se'ere an6iety, anore6ia,
-weiht loss <>3s,. in$rease in sui$idal thouhts, plans andintention# &is$ontinued followin hospitalisation#
Folpi$lone, >#@m# Slept# &is$ontinued followin rash# *atientattempted to lea'e hospital aainst medi$al ad'i$e# Restrained +y
three male nurses twi$e her sie# *atient threatenin and
un$ooperati'e# *aranoid thouhts / +elie'es hospital staff are
attemptin to poison her#
(elleril, @"m# Co;operati'e#
Lofepramine, >"m, in$reased to <8"m, then <"m# 2eiht
ain <3s# Short term memory loss# No other rea$tion#
Arument with :unior do$tor whom she a$$used of trea$hery after
whi$h she sha'ed her head and $ut her arms with a raor +lade#
*atient dis$hared into the $are of the $ommunity on arri'al ofa$utely psy$hoti$ patient in emeren$y $lini$ in reater need of a
hospital +ed#
Citalopram, "m# (ornin tremors# No other rea$tion#
Lofepramine and Citalopram dis$ontinued after patient ot pissedof with side affe$t and la$3 of o+'ious impro'ement#
&is$ontinuation symptoms% &iiness and $onfusion# *atient 3ept
fallin o'er, faintin and wal3in out in front of $ars# &elusional
ideas / +elie'es $onsultant is the anti$hrist#
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luo6etine hydro$hloride, trade name *roa$, "m, in$reased to
8"m# )nsomnia, errati$ appetite, -weiht loss <83s,. se'erean6iety, una+le to rea$h orasm, homi$idal thouhts towards
se'eral do$tors and dru manufa$turers# &is$ontinued#
(ood% u$3in anry
Affe$t% Dery anry#
Thoraine, <""m# Slept# Calmer#
Denlafa6ine, >@m, in$reased to <@"m, then @m# &iiness,
low +lood pressure, heada$hes# No other rea$tion# &is$ontinued#
*atient de$lined Sero6at# Hypo$hondria / $ites spasmodi$
+lin3in and se'ere memory loss as e'iden$e of tardi'e
dys3inesia and tardi'e dementia#
Refused all further treatment#
<"" aspirin and one +ottle of 0ularian Ca+ernet Sau'inon,<=9?# *atient wo3e up in a pool of 'omit and said 7Sleep with a
do and rise full of fleas#7 Se'ere stoma$h pain# No other rea$tion#
Hat$h opens
Star3 liht
the tele'ision tal3s
full of eyes
the spirits of siht
and now ) am so afraid
)7m seein thins)7m hearin thins
) don7t 3now who ) am
tonue out
thouht stalled
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the pie$emeal $rumple of my mind
2here do ) start42here do ) stop4
How do ) start4
-As ) mean to o on.
How do ) stop4
How do ) stop4How do ) stop4
How do ) stop4
How do ) stop4 A ta+ of pain
How do ) stop4 Sta++in my lunsHow do ) stop4 A ta+ of death
How do ) stop4 S5ueein my heart
)7ll die
not yet +ut it7s here
*lease###
(oney###
2ife###
E'ery a$t is a sym+ol
the weiht of whi$h $rushes me
A dotted line on the throat
CUT HERE
&BN7T LET TH)S K)LL (E
TH)S 2)LL K)LL (E AN& CRUSH (E AN&
SEN& (E TB HELL
) +e you to sa'e me from this madness that eats me
a su+;intentional death
) thouht ) should ne'er spea3 aain +ut now ) 3now there is somethin +la$3er than desire
perhaps it will sa'e me
perhaps it will 3ill me
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a dismal whistle that is the $ry of heart+rea3 around the
hellish +owl at the $eilin of my mind
a +lan3et of roa$hes
$ease this war
(y les are empty
Nothin to say
And there is the rhythm of madness
/) assed the Jews, ) 3illed the Kurds, ) +om+ed the Ara+s,) fu$3ed small $hildren while they +eed for mer$y, the
3illin fields are mine, e'eryone left the party +e$ause of
me, )7ll su$3 your fu$3in eyes out sent them to yourmother in a +o6 and when ) die )7m oin to +e
rein$arnated as your $hild only fifty times worse and as
mad as all fu$3 )7m oin to ma3e your life a li'in
fu$3in hell ) REUSE ) REUSE ) REUSE LBBKA2A1 RB( (E
/)t7s all riht#
/LBBK A2A1 RB( (E
/)t7s all riht# )7m here#
/Loo3 away from me
2hy am ) stri$3en4
) saw 'isions of od
and it shall $ome to pass
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rid yoursel'es%
for ye shall +e +ro3en in pie$es
it shall $ome to pass
0ehold the liht of despair
the lare of anuishand ye shall +e dri'en to dar3ness
)f there is +lastin-there shall +e +lastin.
the names of offenders shall +e shouted form the rooftops
ear odand his wi$3ed $on'o$ation
a s$all on my s3in, a seethe in my heart
a +lan3et of roa$hes on whi$h we dan$ethis infernal state of siee
All this shall $ome to pass
all the words of my noisome +reath
Remem+er the liht and +elie'e the liht
Christ is dead
and the mon3s are in e$stasy
2e are the a+:e$ts
who depose our leadersand +urn in$ense unto 0aal
Come now, let us reason toether Sanity is found in the mountain of the Lord7s house on the
horion of the soul that eternally re$edes
The head is si$3, the heart7s $aul torn
Thread the round on whi$h wisdom wal3sEm+ra$e +eautiful lies /
the $hroni$ insanity of the sane
the wren$hin +eins
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/At 8#89
when sanity 'isits
for one hour and twel'e minutes ) am in my riht mind#2hen it has passed ) shall +e one aain,
a framented puppet, a rotes5ue fool#
Now ) am here ) $an see myself +ut when ) am $harmed +y 'ile delusions of happiness,
the foul mai$ of this enine of sor$ery,
) $annot tou$h my essential self#
2hy do you +elie'e me then and now4
Remem+er the liht and +elie'e the liht# Nothin matters more#
Stop :udin +y appearan$es and ma3e a riht :udement#
/)t7s all riht# 1ou will et +etter#
/1our dis+elief $ures nothin#
Loo3 away from me#
Hat$h opens
Star3 liht
A ta+le two $hairs and no windows
Here ) am
and there is my +ody
dan$in on lass
)n a$$ident time where there are no a$$idents
1ou ha'e no $hoi$e
the $hoi$e $omes after
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Cut out my tonue
tear out my hair
$ut off my lim+s +ut lea'e me my lo'e
) would rather ha'e lost my les
pulled out my teethoued out my eyes
than lost my lo'e
flash fli$3er slash +urn wrin press da+ slash
flash fli$3er pun$h +urn float fli$3er da+ fli$3er
pun$h fli$3er flash +urn da+ press wrin press
pun$h fli$3er float +urn flash fli$3er +urn
it will ne'er pass
da+ fli$3er pun$h slash wrin slash pun$h slash
float fli$3er flash pun$h wrin press flash press
da+ fli$3er wrin +urn fli$3er da+ flash da+ float +urn press +urn fli$3er +urn flash
Nothin7s fore'er
-+ut Nothin.
slash wrin pun$h +urn fli$3er da+ float da+
fli$3er +urn pun$h +urn flash da+ press da+wrin fli$3er float slash +urn slash pun$h slash
press slash float slash fli$3er +urn da+
Di$tim# *erpetrator# 0ystander#
pun$h +urn float fli$3er flash fli$3er +urn slash
wrin press da+ slash flash fli$3er da+ fli$3er
pun$h fli$3er flash +urn da+ press fli$3er wrin
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press pun$h flash fli$3er +urn fli$3er flash
the mornin +rins defeat
wrin slash pun$h slash float fli$3er flash pun$h
wrin da+ fli$3er pun$h slash press flash press
da+ fli$3er wrin +urn fli$3er da+ flash da+ float +urn press +urn flash fli$3er slash
+eautiful painthat says ) e6ist
fli$3er pun$h slash da+ wrin press +urn slash press slash pun$h fli$3er flash press +urn slash
da+ fli$3er float flash fli$3er da+ press +urn slash press slash pun$h flash fli$3er +urn
and a saner life tomorrow
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Sanity is found at the $entre of $on'ulsion, where madness is
s$or$hed form the +ise$ted soul#
) 3now myself#
) see myself#
(y life is $auht in a we+ of reasonspun +y a do$tor to arument the sane#
At 8#89
) shall sleep
) $ame to you hopin to +e healed#
1ou are my do$tor, my sa'iour, my omnipotent :ude, my priest,
my od, the sureon of my soul#
And ) am your proselyte to sanity#
to a$hie'e oals and am+itions
to o'er$ome o+sta$les and attain a hih standard
to in$rease self;reard +y the su$$essful e6er$ise of talent
to o'er$ome opposition
to ha'e $ontrol and influen$e o'er others
to defend myself
to defend my psy$holoi$al spa$e
to 'indi$ate the eo
to re$ei'e attention
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to +e seen and heard
to e6$ite, amae, fas$inate, sho$3, intriue, amuse, entertain,or enti$e others
to +e free from so$ial restri$tions
to resist $oer$ion and $onstri$tion
to +e independent and a$t a$$ordin to desire
to defy $on'ention
to a'oid pain
to a'oid shame
to o+literate past humiliation +y resumed a$tion
to maintain self;respe$t
to repress fear
to o'er$ome wea3ness
to +elon
to +e a$$epted
to draw $lose and en:oya+ly re$ipro$ate with another
to $on'erse in a friendly manner, to tell stories, e6$hanesentiments, ideas, se$rets
to $ommuni$ate, to $on'erse
to lauh and ma3e :o3es
to win affe$tion of desired Bther
to adhere and remain loyal to Bther
to en:oy sensuous e6perien$es with $athe$ted Bther
to feed, help, prote$t, $omfort, $onsole, support, nurse or
heal
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to +e fed, helped, prote$ted, $omforted, $onsoled,
supported, nursed or healed
to form mutually en:oya+le, endurin, $ooperatin and
re$ipro$atin relationship with Bther, with an e5ual
to +e fori'en
to +e lo'ed
to +e free
/1ou7'e seen the worst of me#
/1es#
/) 3now nothin of you#
/No#
/0ut ) li3e you#
/) li3e you
-Silence..
/1ou7re my last hope#
- A long silence..
/1ou don7t need a friend you need a do$tor#
- A long silence..
/1ou are so wron#
- A very long silence..
/0ut you ha'e friends#
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- A long silence..
1ou ha'e a lot of friends#2hat do you offer your friends to ma3e them so
supporti'e4
- A long silence..
2hat do you offer your friends to ma3e them sosupporti'e4
- A long silence..
2hat do you offer4
-Silence..
2e ha'e a professional relationship# ) thin3 we ha'e a ood
relationship# 0ut it7s professional#
-Silence..
) feel your pain +ut ) $annot hold your life in my hands#
-Silence..
1ou7ll +e all riht# 1ou7re stron# ) 3now you7ll +e o3ay
+e$ause ) li3e you and you $an7t li3e someone who doesn7t
li3e themself# The people ) fear for are the ones ) don7t li3e +e$ause they hate themsel'es so mu$h they won7t let
anyone else li3e them either# 0ut ) do li3e you# )7ll miss
you# And ) 3now you7ll +e o3#
-Silence..
(ost of my $lients want to 3ill me# 2hen ) wal3 out of hereat the end of the day ) need to o home to my lo'er and
rela6# ) need to +e with my friends and rela6# ) need my
friends to +e really toether#
-Silence..
) fu$3in hate this :o+ and ) need my friends to +e sane#
-Silence..
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)7m sorry#
/)t7s not my fault#
/)7m sorry, that was a mista3e#
/)t7s not my fault#
/No# )t7s not your fault# )7m sorry#
-Silence..
) was tryin to e6plain /
/) 3now# )7m anry +e$ause ) understand, not +e$ause )
don7t#
attened up Shored up
Sho'ed up
my +ody de$ompensatesmy +ody flies apart
no way to rea$h out +eyond the rea$hin out )7'e already done
you will always ha'e a pie$e of me +e$ause you held my life in your hands
those +rutal hands
this will end me
) thouht it was silent
till it went silent
how ha'e you inspired this pain4
)7'e ne'er understood
what it is )7m not supposed to feel
li3e a +ird on the win in a swollen s3y
my mind is torn +y lihtnin
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as it flies form the thunder +ehind
Hat$h opens
Star3 liht
and Nothin Nothin
see Nothin
2hat am ) li3e4
the $hild of neation
out of one torture $ham+er into another
a 'ile su$$ession of errors without remission
e'ery step of the way )7'e fallen
&espair propels me to sui$ide
Anuish for whi$h do$tors $an find no $ure Nor $are to understand
) hope you ne'er understand
0e$ause ) li3e you
) li3e you
) li3e you
still +la$3 water
as deep as fore'er
as $old as the s3yas still as my heart when your 'oi$e is one
) shall freee in hell
of $ourse ) lo'e youyou sa'ed my life
) wish you hadn7t
) wish you hadn7t) wish you7d left me alone
a +la$3 and white film of yes or no yes or no yes or no yes or no yes orno yes or no
)7'e always lo'ed you
e'en when ) hated you
2hat am ) li3e4
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:ust li3e my father
oh no oh no oh no
Hat$h opens
Star3 liht
the rupture +eins
) don7t 3now where to loo3 anymore
Tired of $rowd sear$hin Telepathy
and hope
2at$h the stars predi$t the past
and $hane the world with a sil'er e$lipse
the only thin that7s permanent is destru$tion
we7re all oin to disappear
tryin to lea'e a mar3 more permanent that myself
)7'e not 3illed myself +efore so don7t loo3 for pre$edents2hat $ame +efore was :ust the +einnin
a $y$li$al fear
that7s not the moon it7s the earthA re'olution
&ear od, dear od, what shall ) do4
All ) 3now
is snow
and +la$3 despair
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Nowhere left to turn
an ineffe$tual mortal spasmthe only alternati'e to murder
*lease don7t $ut me up to find out how ) died
)7ll tell you how ) died
Bne hundred Lofepramine, forty fi'e Fopi$lone, twenty fi'e
Temaepam, and twenty (elleril
E'erythin ) had
Swallowed
Slit
Hun
)t is done
+ehold the Eunu$h
of $astrated thouht
s3ull
unwound
the $apture
the rapture the rupture
of a soul
a solo symphony
warm dar3ness
whi$h soa3s my eyes
) 3now no sin
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this is the si$3ness of +e$omin reat
the 'ital need for whi$h ) would die
to +e lo'ed
)7m dyin for one who doesn7t $are
)7m dyin for one who doesn7t 3now
you7re +rea3in me
Spea3 Spea3
Spea3
ten yard rin of failureloo3 away from me
(y final stand
No one spea3s
Dalidate me
2itness me
See meLo'e me
my final su+missionmy final defeat
the $hi$3en7s still dan$in
the $hi$3en won7t stop
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) thin3 that you thin3 of me
the way )7d ha'e you thin3 of
me
the final periodthe final full stop
loo3 after your mum now
loo3 after your mum
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0la$3 snow falls
in death you hold me
ne'er free
) ha'e no desire for death
no sui$ide e'er had
wat$h me 'anishwat$h me
'anish
wat$h me
wat$h me
wat$h
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)t is myself ) ha'e ne'er met, whose fa$e is pasted on the underside of my mind
please open the $urtains
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